Whaddup. I'm working on the bio. For now, imagine dancing unicorns and Jensen Ackle's face.
Bai.
Alright, alright. I have to start somewhere. I keep spouting random things and all throughout there was one thing I wanted to say and I must get to it lest it slip my mind.
Simply, WOW! Jeeeeeze, that was fantastic! The storytelling was amazing! The story within the story, I mean, though both were wonderful. Draco’s retelling of his “adventures” were just fantastic, for so many reasons. The way it was written – old-timey story-telling of Great Adventures – was a blast to read. It held all the wonderful elements of fantasy stories; the suspense, the imagery – the jealousy of the character who got to “experience” it all. I so thoroughly enjoyed it. At first, I was wary of reading for the length, but so, so glad that I didn’t put it off ‘till tomorrow.
And then the main story – oh, how tickled I was. XD I suspected something was up with Draco, but both he and Harry were so in character (despite exhibiting strange behavior toward each other) that the thought of Draco deceiving him never truly seemed plausible. That, my dear, is a very wonderful thing to pull off. Let the reader know just enough to doubt their assumptions, and then spring it on them! You stayed a step ahead all throughout, and it paid off greatly.
There was one single nit to pick; at one point, you slip into Harry’s PoV (it was dialog). It was only a line, but off-putting nonetheless.
This was fantastic. You have proven once again that you are a master at the Harry/Draco dynamic. The way you portray their interactions is as amazing as it was in A Difficult Conversation. Perhaps even better!
I will be extremely impatiently waiting for your next story. =D
Ari
Author's Response: Thank you so much for that incredibly sweet review! I'm so happy you enjoyed it, you have no idea. You were the first review, too, so I clicked on it hoping against hope that it would be positive :) I really wasn't sure if I had made it believable enough or if I had made the ending too predictable or what, but it was great to see that it mostly worked out. THANKS for reviewing! :) Hugs, Apurva.
This feels sort of inconclusive. :/ There’s a lot of images and scenes that were incorporated quite skillfully (so many, along with so many emotions, and they all wove together perfectly), but it comes to an end not abruptly, but . . . inconclusively. Since you included both canon and non-canon, I think you should have made the ending more clear. I.e., you showed how it parted from canon, but in the end when we go back to Ron/Hermione, you don’t show us how it got back to it. Does that make any sense, at all?
I did love Hermione’s characterization, though. Even though it was H/Hr, her thoughts and rationalizations were still so true to her character. The sentiments to her being lonely were very subtle, yet extremely strong; one of my favorite elements over all. And you handled the ‘you’ voice so well; it takes an especially skilled author to make me enjoy a story with this PoV.
Very lovely story!
Author's Response: Yes, I know what you mean. I had a word limit for the challenge, so I didn't have much to work with. Before I submitted it I added more, but it didn't really work. I didn't like it. I'm going to write a sequel. Hopefully. I'm so glad that you like her characterization. I haven't really written her before, so I was worried. Thank you so much for the review.
LOL. I'm sorry, but a repetitive string of 'ha's, to me, is more annoying. So LOL!
...and Weasley his stomach.
LOL.
Ruddy thing just fell apart in my hand...
LOL.
The exchange between Draco and Astoria after Hagrid and Fletcher walk in... LOL.
Ohhh Carole I really enjoyed this. The title caught my complete attention and I wasn't let go until the very end.
One thing to pick at. Draco tells Astoria that it was only when he saw her that he made the decision not to marry Daphne, but his narrations before that imply the opposite, as well when he thinks humorously to himself that his poor friend won't be able to shine during the best man's speech, implying there won't be one.
Other than that, this was absolute love - and I mean that as in, absolutely everything was lovely. I loved Draco's character through this. The decisions he made were very un-Malfoy-ish but the characterization fully supported what would have otherwise been unbelievable.
Also, truly enjoyed the stark contrasts between the weddings. I knew that his wedding to Astoria wasn't going to be anything more than our equivalent (go to court house, sign a paper, BAM you're married) but the extent to which it went... I was rolling by the Hagrid comes in. Not just because of the circumstances, either, but because of Draco's reactions/narrations to it all.
I did have a fleeting thought of, 'Wait, Astoria's sixteen... how old is Draco at this point?" but it really wasn't too much of a bother and certainly not offensive. I can't imagine he's any more than twenty and four year's difference isn't that big of a gap. Also, Astoria's pregnant. Draco marrying her (and feeling a connection to a child that isn't his) goes so very far beyond the realm of 'wrong' or 'offensive' - in the opposite direction.
Overall I extremely enjoyed reading this. :)
-hugs-
Ari
Author's Response: Draco is 24/25 at this point so there's an eight/nine year gap, which was why I put the note in at the end. Now, shortly after I wrote this, I read an interview from JKR saying that Astoria was only two years younger than Draco, but it was too late to change this. Astoria is now, in my mind, a lot younger than Draco - Sorry JKR! Oh, I see your point about Draco telling Astoria he only made his mind up when he saw her. What I had in mind was that he was actually very confident she'd show up as bridesmaid so they could elope, but he made out to her he was uncertain she'd be there because he's quite manipulative and that's more flattering. (that's what I meant but it probably didn't come off like that) Thank you for the review, and I am pleased you liked Hagrid who I agonised about including. ~Carole~
Hellooooo Dinny. :)
I really loved this story, and I'm so surprised that it's your first. I think you did a great job... especially compared to my first fanfic... XD ahem....
This felt so short... length isn't required for a good story, of course, but I didn't really get a good grasp of what this story was about because there wasn't a lot of substance to it. I would have liked to see more of what Remus went through before he shouted at/to Lily, or even have seen the incident itself. Or seen more of anything, really....
I did see enough of Remus to know you really write him well. :D This is a plausible explanation for so much of his character, and I think you've shown it wonderfully. It's so sad, to think of how his affliction would affect his life, and I think you did such a horribly wonderful job showing it. (Horribly because it's terribly sad D: )
“Hey—Remus, wasn’t it?” he remembered Peter say as he entered the train compartment. “It’s my first year, too, but you don’t have to worry. That’s what my Mum says. It’ll turn out alright.”
“Moony,” he remembered James say as he put his hand on his shoulder just before the first transformation where his friends would be accompanying him as animagi. “Don’t worry; we’ll all be back in one piece. It’ll be alright.”
“Oh, stop being such an old man, Moony,” he remembered Sirius say as he got ready to meet James’s parents. “Charlus and Irina would love to have another son on board! It’ll be alright.”
I really, really adored these – such small snippets to simultaneously portray the Marauder's friendship as well as showing why Remus abhors the line. In such a small span of words I got such an enormous feeling for Remus' character and his history.
Yoooou, my dear, need to write more, so that I have more to review for you. :D
-SQUIGGLES-
Ari
Author's Response: Hello there, Ari! I totally see your points, and I'll follow your advice the next time I write. :) It did feel like it was too short. . . it was a mere 800 drabble at first. I think that's why. Anyway, I'm glad you liked the story, and I enjoyed your visit! Thanks for reading, and leaving a lovely review. :-)
A war is brewing in the Wizarding world. Hogwarts is not the safe haven it used to be. Students are beginning to consider the unthinkable, desperate to save those they love. The corridors are filled with eager spies who are too young to realise the severity of their decisions.
In the midst of it all, the Marauders are closing in on their last year of schooling. James is learning that letting go is sometimes the only way to move forward. Lily discovers that what she was looking for all along is right in front of her, while Sirius and Remus struggle to keep the group together, each in their own way. And Peter begins to realise that he can be more than a tiny piece of a large puzzle, perhaps the most dangerous epiphany of all.
Sides must be taken, a war must be fought, and prices must be paid—some higher than others. Choices are made that will undoubtedly change the course of the future. And from this darkness, the phoenix must rise.
Hello Ariana! :)
I'm officially hooked. :D I do love the premise you've lain. I've always speculated about the Marauder's seventh year and I'm glad that this seems to be a story that somewhat fits in with my own theories. I love how they differ, too, hehe.
I'm particularly loving your characterization of Sirius, though I have to say the explosion on the train was a bit... much. Well perhaps it was just the cursing. I wouldn't argue against Sirius being a sailor on the cursing front (who knows? Maybe he was) but seeing as he isn't cursing much on in to the next passages and chapter, it just comes off wrong. The same message can be portrayed with the same amount of viciousness without all the swearing. :D
And on that viciousness, I do love how you've put that out. I can see Sirius being threatened by Lily and thus being cranky about it, haha. Overall I just really love his characterization.
The only thing that's putting me off a bit is that the chapters seem to end rather abruptly. They're very well paced all throughout and then BAM, cliffhanger and end. It is dramatic (in a good way – and it's also done its job making me hungry for more :p) but I also think that the ending could have been meated-up a bit, instead of it being so quick coming.
So far I am very intrigued, and hope for a quick update! :D
Ari
Author's Response: Ari! Thank you so much for reviewing my story, and sorry it's taken me so long to reply! :) I'm very glad you liked the premise and the overall characterization--I think many people thought Sirius's outburst was too violent. I just see him as a very hotheaded person, and when he's angry or trying to get a point across he does it very vehemently. And thank you for the advice about the end of the chapters--I'm not very good at stopping a certain chapter, and I try to divide them in ways so that each chapter sort of focuses on one major thing, but I can see how especially Chapter 1's ending is a little stiff.
Thank you so much!! xx Ariana