06/09/08
karz4kidz.tumblr.com
Wow, I haven't updated this in some time. Then again, I'm not sure if anyone's read it since! I'm Kelsea, I'm 22 years old, and on Pottermore I'm in Hufflepuff (though I should have been in Ravenclaw). Someday I'll be more involved on this site I suppose and then maybe I'll be in a house of my own... I'm also on ff.net under TheGoldenAge, but I'd like to write for this site too! Higher standards and all that. I've just garnered an English degree with the intention of continuing on to a master's; professional writing seems to be the angle for now.
My likes/interests include crime television, documentaries, cannolis, Burgatory, water, warm weather, Halloween, AMC, hiking, Chipotle, sour gummy worms, fresh lemons, long island ice teas, milkshakes, music, art house films, and intersectional feminism. Dislikes include feet, rude teens, thinking about my student loans, tomatoes, gross bathrooms, whiskey, people who don’t like Sansa Stark, and many aspects of BBC Sherlock.
As far as HP goes, I love almost all of the characters. Most of the Weasleys are the exception to this, and I'm not so fond of Snape as many people seem to be although his character is very complicated. I'm not a big fan of canon pairings and most of the things I write tend to veer in other directions. My chapters tend to be short and I almost always write love stories. What can I say?
Sooner or later I'll have something to show for my time here besides an awful poem I wrote in about five minutes when I was seventeen. Until then, stay tuned!
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Home Improvement by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: When Ron Weasley is promoted to a rather high rank in the Auror business, his mother congratulates him by informing him that it's high time he found a place of his own.
Ron may be quite good at his job as an Auror, but he now faces the most difficult challenge of all...
Ridiculously short one-shot that I wrote for some challenge about a year ago and never submitted. It's also my first one-shot that's not about Voldemort and the Death Eaters! Gasp!
Date: 06/10/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 and Only
This story, I must admit, is not one of my favorites of yours, but I still enjoyed it. It was chuckle-worthy, for certain, and the only reason I'm not too partial to it is my personal bias against Ron. *shakes head* I don't understand the younger-child mentality, as I've always been the oldest. I love your work!
~*BOO*~
Author's Response: This is not one of my favourites, either... can\'t really remember why I posted it. (Actually, it\'s my least favourite.) Oddly, and contrary to the rest of your review, Ron has always been my very, very, very favourite character, and I love him and I really wanted to write a story about him. *Shrug* I think I do him a little more justice in the third Potter\'s Pentagon book... you\'ll have to wait \'till then.
Love a Duck! by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: Love a duck! Will he stop at nothing? Voldemort is rapidly taking over, and his Death Eaters are killing Muggle-borns every day. The good news? A mysterious man, known only as The Phoenix, is rescuing people in the nick of time all over England.
Meanwhile, newlywed writer Lily Potter has troubles of her own. For one, her marriage is not turning out to be as great as she'd thought... for another, she's been blackmailed by an old "friend" into turning spy and discovering the Phoenix's true identity.
Thrills, spills, laughs, gasps, song lyrics, and good old swashbucklin' intrigue.
Inspired by Baroness Emmuska Orczy's excellent novel, "The Scarlet Pimpernel," and Frank Wildhorn and Nan Knighton's AMAZING musical by the same name.
But if you're not familiar with either, the story's just all the more suspenseful! All song lyrics used in this story are based on those by Wildhorn and Knighton
Date: 06/10/08 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue: On The Streets Of London
Heehee! Scarlet Pimpernel is one of my favorite stories. Keep up the great work! You make this site better!
~*BOO*~
Author's Response: OH MY GOSH! *falls down dead* Someone else who knows Scarlet Pimpernel? That\'s just awesome. (My icon on the forums is Chauvelin... labeled \'Chau-Chau.\' Yeah, I\'m lame.) Reviews from YOU make this site better.
Lord Voldemort: The Musical! (Les Miserables Potterized!) by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: Yet another musical twisted by yours truly, it's the tale of Voldemort's life set to the tune of my Les Miserables soundtrack!
The real musical of Les Miserables was created by Claude-Michel Schönberg, Herbert Kretzmer, and Alain Boublil.
There is some violence and it really is not a silly musical-- there are a few funny parts, but there are some pretty sad or intense bits. AND LOTS OF PEOPLE DIE. And there are some cannibalism-happy bits with Fenrir, including a whole song called "Man Eat Man." Beware.
Date: 06/10/08 Title: Chapter 1: Songs From Act One
Stupendiferous! This is my favorite musical, and going all Voldy with it was a great move. Do you actually write songs? If you don't, you might like to try it. You'd be great, I bet.
~*BOO*~
Author's Response: Okay, you are too good to be true. No way I ran into someone else who likes Harry Potter AND Les Miserables AND Scarlet Pimpernel! You must be my secret twin! I don\'t really write songs, but I\'ll let you in on a secret (not really a secret, because I\'m now posting this for all the world to see... but still)-- I\'m working on a full-length musical of Shakespeare\'s \"Macbeth,\" with dialogue and everything, and I have a musical of \"Pride and Prejudice\" in the works. A school in Canada put on my show, \"Hogwarts Musical\" (actually ,they\'re performing it today, I think), which got me REALLY excited! When I grow up, my dream\'s to be a librettist for musicals/Disney movies. That\'d be the best.
Long-Distance Extendable Ears by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •
Summary: Fred is dead.
But that's just the beginning! Because one of George's ears is up in heaven, and the other is down on earth...
Oh, the possibilities!
Written for the Next Great Adventure challenge on the MNFF beta boards. I am Schmerg_The_Impaler of Hufflepuff House.
Twice nominated for Best Post-Hogwarts Story in the 2008 Quicksilver Quills Awards!
Date: 06/10/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter One and Only
This story moved me. I was *this sounds corny* deeply affected. And yet, I laughed as well. Wonderful work.
~*BOO*~
Author's Response: Awww, thank you! This is my favourite of all of my fics (though I\'m also really proud of my \"Wicked\" spoof.)
Potter's Pentagon: The Truth (Book Two) by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: This is book two in the "Potter's Pentagon" trilogy. Read "Potter's Pentagon: The Five" first, myesss? Cool.
WARNING: This story contains French people, an internal monologue about a blue orange, adolescent facial hair, good old-fashioned snogging, superstitious truck drivers, a portrait who calls everyone "Mavis," a zoo break-in, some very strange clothes, romantic conflict galore, and Ron Weasley's caffeine addiction. And worst of all, Professor Zabini!
Hogwarts is hosting the Triwizard Tournament, and when one of the members of Potter's Pentagon is selected to represent the school, much excitement ensues. Simultaneously, elections are being held for Minister of Magic, and things are getting busy at the Ministry.
Not to mention the fact that Jordan's made a new Muggle friend without informing her of the itty-bitty fact that he's magical, Haley has found an enchanted diary of dubious origin, Ted's met a werewolf from Beauxbatons, and Emma... well, Emma's not having a good year.
And what exactly is Ivy up to, anyway?
Everyone has secrets. But in the end, the truth will have to come out.
Starring Best Male Original Character runner-up Jordan Potter, Best Female Original Character Nominees Ivy Potter, Emma Weasley, Haley Potter, and Giorgi Anderson, and Best Male Original Character nominee Ted Lupin! Nominated for Best Post-Hogwarts story in the 2008 Quicksilver Quill Awards!
Date: 06/10/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: In Which Jordan Spends Most of the Chapter Being Surprised
Hi! I've been reading your stories forever but I just got an account! I'm going to review all of them now! PP2 is awesome! This is a killer story. I can't wait to find out what happens (my favorite couple/not really a couple is Jordan/Giorgi, but Emma/Tyrone is cute, too) next. You're doing a great job!
~*BOO*~
Author's Response: Awww, thanks! It must be super-time-consuming to review ALL of these bajillion stories. I have to admit, my favourite couple in the stories is Emma/Tyrone, which is why I wrote a whole spinoff story about them. Jordan is my favourite character, but my favourite parts of the story to write are those about T&E.
Torn Between Ice and Emeralds by CrystalM
Rated: 6th-7th Years •Summary: COMPLETED -- A broken-hearted Ginny Weasley lets go of Harry Potter to let him fight the good fight and starts her sixth year at Hogwarts. Draco Malfoy follows Snape back to Death Eater headquarters after Dumbledore's death to even more danger than he had just left, realising too late that he has made his greatest mistake yet. Is anyone likely to forgive him? Finding himself a refugee within the walls he had conspired against, he witnesses a scene that alters his perception of a concept he had previously found to be a waste of time: Love. This change allows him to grow away from the model Death Eater his father had been sculpting him into in an effort to find out what he really believes in with the help of his new friendship found in the youngest Weasley. Meanwhile, Ginny struggles with her harboured feelings for the man destined to save the Wizarding world, unknowingly losing her affections with every passing day to his childhood enemy.
Compliant with HBP and below.
25,000 reads!!! ::claps for readers:: Please, please leave me a review!!
Date: 06/12/08 Title: Chapter 1: The Beginning of Regret
I love how quickly you update this story. D/G is one of my favorite pairings- I always get excited when I see a new stroy featuring them as a pairing! Great job!
~*BOO*~
Author's Response: Thank you so much! D/G pairings are definitely a guilty pleasure of mine. As cute as H/G pairings are, there\'s just something about the sweet and innocent redhead being matched with the possible Death Eater with an attitude problem that\'s just too much fun. ;-)
Really Wicked: Stephen Schwartz's Wicked Gone Potter by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: It's another spoof by Schmerg_The_Impaler!
This time, it's "Wicked," by Stephen Schwartz, remodeled to tell the story of Voldemort's life!
I also have spoofs of Les Miserables, Phantom of the Opera, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, and High School Musical on my profile, if anyone would care to read.
Date: 06/10/08 Title: Chapter 1: Act One
I've never heard the music from "Wicked" but I read this anyway. It sounds like a great musical... *meanders off to review more Schmergo fics*
~*BOO*~
Author's Response: Thank you! \"Wicked\" is usually really popular among young teenage girls, and a lot of people who like \"serious musicals\" like Les Miserables tend to be irked by the Wicked-loving set, but I LOVE \"Wicked\" as well as Les Mis and all of those... still, one of my best guy friends went to see the show and he didn\'t like it. Ah well, I like almost all musicals except \"Starmites,\" \"South Pacific,\" and \"High School Musical 2\" (though I did like the first HSM...)
Pride and Pre-Juiced Plums: A Potter's Pentagon Love Story by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: A companion piece to the Potter's Pentagon trilogy... it's better if you've read the Potter's Pentagon trilogy, but you don't necessarily have to.
It's five years after Emma Weasley and her chums graduated from Hogwarts. Ted and Ivy are married, Haley is working at Madame Puddifoot's while trying desperately to break into show business, Jordan's doing whatever it is he does, and Emma is an Auror trainee working as a guard at the Chudley Cannons' stadium. The Cannons have actually been doing much better lately, due to their new star Beater, Tyrone Thomas. Unfortunately, Tyrone is Emma's ex-boyfriend. OH, THE AWKWARDNESS.
Follow Emma through her awkward adventures told in her usual insane way, as she experiences angst, hilarity, obnoxiously strange people, misadventures involving a deceptively dashing cad, Haley's wedding, the birth of Ted and Ivy's baby, and her own eventual descent into LURRRVE.
Written for the marvellous Vindictus Viridian's Pride and Prejudice NEWTs class on the Fanfiction Beta Boards, based on Jane Austen's fantastic novel, "Pride and Prejudice.".
Nominated in the 2008 Quicksilver Quills Awards for Best Non-Canon Romance Story! And its lovely (haha) heroine, Emma Weasley, received two nominations for Best Female Original Character, while Haley Potter and Ivy Potter each received one! Thanks so much, guys!
Date: 06/10/08 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue: Me, Me, and Also Meeee
Your writing skill never ceases to amaze me. Congratulations on a great story, narrated by an awesomelicious protagonist.
~*BOO*~
Author's Response: Okay, now you\'re making me blush! ^_^ Thank you very much-- this is the most recently written thing of mine on this site, so it\'s the best reflection of my current writing style, and it makes me glad that you like it as well as older stuff like \"Dark Lord\'s Blog!\" I\'m especially proud of the compliment toward Emma, because I know female protagonists get a lot of criticism, and I always worry about Mary-Sues.
Voldemort: The Psycho Dark Lord of Hogsmeade (Sweeney Todd Gone Potter) by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: The final installment of my set of Broadway musical spoofs about Voldemort's life!
This is Stephen Sondheim's brilliant musical, Sweeney Todd, but drastically warped and twisted by me. If you ever wanted to hear a song where Voldemort tries to encourage Fenrir to eat various Potterverse characters, this is the fic for you.
My other two spoofs about Voldemort, those of Les Miserables and Wicked, can be found on my profile. I've also got spoofs of Phantom of the Opera, High School Musical, and Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Enjoy!
Date: 06/10/08 Title: Chapter 1: SWEENEY TIME
I love this musical, and you made it all the more awesome for its HP qualities. *elevates thumbs* You're super!
~*BOO*~
Author's Response: Awww, thanks so much! It\'s great to get reviews for this! I worked really hard on it... Sondheim is HARD to spoof!