She wrenched her thoughts away from the sculls of her dream and looked up. - ‘skulls’.

After an hour they reached the top. - I never got the impression that it took quite that long to navigate through the tunnel.

“This helps plan my class, to see which students have the true brain of Potioneer.”
- ‘of a Potioneer’. Was this the fic you were asking for in the bar?

I really enjoyed reading your Gauntlet. The mood carried through this chapter was enticing. It starts quite uplifted, happy, but then it drops to sadder tones. I liked your use of the Patronus at the end and Remus telling Tonks to visit the Shrieking Shack. I felt as if that kept a connection between them, however much they were ignoring it.

Scene at the train station - awesome characterisation of the twins. And I laughed at Dora’s thoughts on the weather. That’s England for you! Lol.

Good work. xx

Author's Response: Hey Inspirations Thank-you for the review. Skulls- hmmmm yes that needs changing- although there is a fish basket called a scull spelt that way. I know I won't get away with that! Okay the tunnel:- The tunnel to Honeydukes takes about an hour as Harry finds out in POA. The one to the Shrieking Shack may not take quite as long but in POA it says '...it felt at least as long as the one to Honeydukes...', but they were looking for signs of Death Eater activity so they would be taking their time. Potioneer- yes I was asking in the bar about that but I may use it in my other fic. I rather like the word now *winks*. I'd seen Potionist used but it didn't seem quite right. Ha, Tonks and the weather. That's one of my lines from real life. It always rains during Wimbledon fortnight, after all. I'm glad you liked the twins as they were the hardest to write, in all honesty. I've very pleased you enjoyed this story. It's been a challenge but a pleasure to write it. Carole

I’m pretty sure the lines at the beginning are quoted from the books (forgive me if I’m wrong, I haven’t checked but they sound so familiar). If they are, you’ll have to highlight them in some way and say where you took them from, else it’s classed as plagiarism. Just thought I’d let you know - I don’t want you to get into trouble.

in this day and age, it got a fellow killed, acting in that way. - the wording seems a little awkward to me. I had to read it a few times until I understood. Might just be me though…

Are you going to begin calling me Snivellus like Potter and the rest of his ego-ridden scumbags do? - I don’t think ‘do’ is necessary to this sentence.

I like Severus’ outburst, but then when Lily goes you say he begins to cry. That seems a bit OOC to me. I think his eyes might sting with tears or something, but I can’t imagine him letting them fall. He’d be annoyed, angry, and bitter. To keep his small remaining pride, he wouldn’t let himself cry.

The other Marauders had all winced with James had gotten slapped - ‘when James had been’.

Your characterisation of Dumbledore was spot on, but I felt as if Severus was a bit rude to him. Well, he was. But I think, even in his school years, Snape would’ve treated Dumbledore with a bigger respect. I loved the scene, but I don’t think Severus would’ve been quite so intense in his anger. He would try to calm himself when faced with the teacher.

Good chapter, all the same; I look forward to seeing how all plays out. xD

Hi, Mere! Well. I’m surprised this only has one review -- you write really well. I’ve only read the first chapter, and I look forward to moving on. You’ve built up the beginning of the mystery well.

Sirius’ characterisation intrigues me. Not telling James right away seems somewhat deceitful, but I suppose he wants to know why Lily’s dead first … Hm.

The sense of Sirius being watched had me on the edge of my seat. I fully expected someone to jump out from behind that chair and ‘avada kedavra’ him. Even though they didn’t, I still feel as if the killer -- or maybe Lily in her spiritual form -- was watching him.

I liked that he didn’t jump to the worst until he saw the blood and went through the possible, limited, theories. I almost laughed when he wondered whether the blood was from her ‘time of the month’ -- and I probably would’ve if the scene weren’t so serious. It’s just so … Sirius. Or it’s a glint of the Sirius we see in a lot of Marauder-era fan fiction anyway, but more down-to-earth.

The eeriness of this chapter kept me interested. I could feel a sense of that building up as he got closer to the chair, which was effective.

It screamed of eeriness. It screamed of stillness. It screamed of emptiness.

It screamed of death.

I love the emphasis in ‘screamed’. It’s like -- that is the point in this chapter where your lips part in an ‘o’. If you know what I mean. :/

The character development for Lily, even though she’s gone, was great. I got a feel for who she is, and why Sirius could find no other solution.

Hm.

I liked it - a great start. Good work. xx

Author's Response: O.o This story does seem to attract some great reviewers. Thank you very much for your wonderful review, inspirations! Sirius's reason for not telling James is explained later on...in the next chapter, I think. >.> I think my head has grown a size or two from all your comments. ;) I'm so glad you liked it and I hope you read on. Thanks again! xox Mere

Hey,

The way you highlighted the times was different. I’ve never seen that used in fan fiction before but, nevertheless, it was effective. It gave me a bit more sense of … being in the story I suppose. Being there with Tonks, monitoring her thoughts… Plus, we got a feeling for the speed in which time was passing.

The thing that stood out to me most about this chapter was the italicised speeches. Like, when Tonks thinks back to what Dumbledore said, his words were in italics. When I read those bits, in my mind, I could here the specific character’s voice, but it echoed through my brain, and sounded like something from the past. And you know, when we think back to things that have happened in RL, the voices do echo, so it worked well.

I’ve never read a story in which Andromeda isn’t with Ted for the whole course of Tonks’ childhood, nor where Tonks doesn’t like her mother. It’s a sad thought, and I personally find that scenario hard to believe, but there’s nothing to contradict it in canon, so it’s fine. I think it’ll be interesting to see how this notion plays with Tonks’ emotions during the course of the story.

‘Nymph –‘

‘Don’t start calling me that just because she’s back!’ Tonks spat at her father. She shook her head and stared down at the pathetic woman. ‘I was here. I cared enough for Sirius to be here.’

This part shows a lot about the family. Though, before I went onto Tonks’ bit I thought it was Andromeda speaking. It shows how all the relationships work. Ted and Tonks are probably close, but Ted loves Andromeda still. Or he respects her at least. It shows us a snippet of Ted’s personality as well, which I like.

I have a couple of nit-picks:

She hopped up on a stool and began to use the tolerance she built up during many an auror party. - ‘auror’ should be capitalised. And ‘up on to’ would sound better.

Looking around at the empty pub, Tonks felt awkward sitting at the empty bar. - the repetition of ‘empty’ is distracting. How about ‘vacant’ or ‘bare’ to replace one of them?

Other than that, good story so far.

Author's Response: Thank :) I developed the Andromeda plotline in Winter's Last Chill, and after DH, I don't necessarily buy my own interpretation of Andromeda being absent through Tonks's childhood. I took the absent Andromeda idea from OotP when Tonks seems obviously a bit hostile towards her mother. I just never saw the two of them as getting along, and considering she calls herself 'Tonks' after her dad's surname, I just kind of figured that was an indication of a strained relationship.

Hmm, different pairing. And, weirdly, I actually found it quite believable.

I liked the introduction part. When we passed onto the next scene though, I was confused, because you’d took a pretty hefty jump back in time, yet there was no initial indicator to this, and I thought it was the same day at first. Yeah - so it might be an idea to clear that up a bit. However, I expected it at the end, so that was fine. Also, at the beginning, there were a couple long, perplexing sentences. It would’ve been nice if some of these were split up a bit.

Whoever was after her was apparently worse than he could ever be, or the little Gryffindor wouldn’t have stayed in his presence. - ‘Little’? I know it’s Blaise, but I can’t imagine him thinking of a girl, just a year younger, like that.

But now he saw that whatever tiny chance he might have had to win Ginny had flown out the window the minute Potter reappered. - ‘reappeared’.

I liked the third person omniscient narration (I think that‘s what it‘s called), because most stories similar to this are set out in first person, so you get a direct view into the person’s head. I think, for your story, your method was more effective.

At the end, I couldn’t help but wonder what Ginny was thinking. You built up to that moment well, but Blaise didn’t see it :(

Good story. xx

Nice, I don’t usually read Draco, but I’m pleased I did this time. I loved the way Astoria and Draco are so similar but, in a way, they clash. It’s like he says this, she throws it back in his face with that. Lol.

The characterisation for both characters was lovely. I liked how they both left the party, for basically the same reason.

I noticed that she had taken off her shoes, and her hair didn’t look as proper as most of the women out there had. - Draco noticing a little thing like her hair, though it doesn’t jump out at us, was a nice, subtle touch.

We just stared out into the dark night invaded by perfect flakes of snow that fell softly to the ground. I didn’t think they would stick, but it was still a nice sight. - Draco appreciates the snow? Aww… I like that idea, and the imagery is fitting for the story.

“Because you nearly tore my arms out of their sockets earlier — and your arrogance was annoying me.” - great line. Two arrogant people, picking on the other’s arrogance. Their conversation was entertaining.

“I think it’s worse that you’re the one who left your own family’s party. They’ll notice your esteemed absence far before mine,” she said dryly, and picked the book she had been reading. - ‘picked up’? I liked the use of ‘dryly’. It says a lot about Astoria.

It seemed more like she was merely stating a fact, and not adding any personal feelings or judgment come into it. - you need to remove ‘come’. Or you could change ‘adding’ to ‘letting’, though that would change the meaning slightly.

She didn’t seem to mind and slipped it one regardless. - ‘slipped it on’.

“This is beautiful, though, isn’t it?” she said softly, her voice very different from - from what? I’m thinking ‘before’ and in that case, I like the change in her tone.

But for some reason I had the knowledge that she truly was listening, not matter how short her responses were. - ‘no matter’.

My favourite bit has to be where she introduces herself. Bowing to Malfoy? Heehee.

I liked the end, because we know they’re going to turn back, but I didn’t expect them to collide on their way back to each other. There was something warming about the hug, too, and it made me smile.

Good story. xx

Oh, man. I knew they were going to get together eventually - *it was set in the stars* - but I did not see that coming when he knocked on the door.

That was a lovely chapter. Andromeda’s reluctance to let Teddy go with Harry was perfect - not overdone at all. I like that she acknowledges what Dora would’ve wanted, and what Harry wants.

The mention of Molly made me think. When she killed Bellatrix in DH, I didn’t think much of it, though I was a bit surprised. But this woke me up - how would having the knowledge that she’d killed someone (even the Dark Lord’s most faithful servant) affect her? I bet all around everybody is telling her how fantastic it was, and she probably knows it too, but would she feel guilty or what?

Kingsley is such a gentleman. >> Or something to that affect, anyway. :]

His hands wrapped around hers as she struggled to remove his clothes. He stopped her, and pulled away from her embrace.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

The same tiny voice screamed no, but she ordered it shut up.

“Yes,” she whispered to him. “I want this.”

I suppose this will make Andromeda feel really good … until the next morning. Will she feel guilty, because she’s probably only ever done that sort of thing with Ted before (or so I’ve always assumed)? I get this impression from the ’voice in her head’. The next chapter will be interesting.

Few nit-picks:

Rushing around the house, Andromeda threw Teddy’s favorite toys in a bag. Every few seconds, she would stop with a toy in her hand debating if it should go in the bag.

The repetition of ‘bag’ is distracting. Maybe you could change it to ‘debating whether to pack it’ or something similar.

Still, after everything he’d done for her, all she managed to do for him was give him a crappy meal while Teddy slept.

Somebody else may disagree, but I cannot imagine Andromeda using the word ‘crappy’. I know it’s not first person PoV, but third person omniscient is close enough, I think. It just threw me slightly.

She sat aside the spoon she’d been using to stir the sauce and rushed to open it. - ‘set’ and not ‘sat’.

Good work. I look forward to chapter five. xx

Author's Response: Naturally, Andromeda is reluctant to see Teddy go. But I've never thought of her as a selfish person. She'll do what's best for everyone. Of course, she cares about what her daugther wants. And Teddy needs interaction oustide the home.

Sigh. I guess your Bella and Molly comments mean I'm writing this the way I meant to, but still. Ouch! I love Bella. Adore her. Actually believe she didn't die in DH. However, it was easier for this fic to leave her dead. Bella has no rule and explaining that she's alive would do nothing for the plot. And I really hate Molly. I think she's controlling, demanding, and petty. But I tried to write this the way Andromeda would be thinking. I really doubt she has any fondness for her sister, and she has no reason to dislike Molly, especially when she was close to Dora and Teddy's godfather.

But despite my personal feelings about Molly I don't think she would respond well to taking a life. She's a bit ridiculous and annoying, but she's far from a killer. Having Bella's blood on her hands would be very hard for her to deal with.

And you make very good observations about the story. The morning after is indeed the next chapter. So far there have been time gaps between the chapters, but the next morning is important to the plot. Although, I will warn you, this is not a long fic. It's ten chapters long. Just so you're not expecting a novel or anything here.

Also thanks for the nitpicks. I've fixed the errors. Some of which I meant to fix in the first place. Like crappy. LOL. I never did find the right word for that sentence.

Thanks for the really lovely review. Sorry for all the Bella and Molly ranting. I just love my Bella.

I do like this story. This is my favourite chapter so far. The words, phrases, and atmosphere - it does a good job of showing the reader what it’s like to have an infant. But with this, you also have Andromeda’s grief coupled on the top of that.

With his little hand, he reached towards the owl, closing his tiny fingers around the beak. - I can really see that happening. It makes you think of any small child - the movement and the description. I like the way you use a toy owl, of all things. Muggle kids wouldn’t have one of those. XD

The room settled in silence. Everyone was exhausted. Teddy had fallen asleep in Andromeda’s arms, and she rested her head against the chair, closing her eyes. - I could actually feel the silence. And, granted, the room I’m in is silent, but I could feel the calmness, the tiredness. I could see the baby in Andromeda’s arms.

Maybe her grandson felt as safe in Kingsley’s arms as she did.

“Thank you,” she whispered as Kingsley lowered the sleeping infant back into the crib. “You must have the magical touch.”

That made me smile. It was mainly the word ‘magical’ that did it for me, but the whole concept of those couple of lines is nice. Andromeda finds comfort in Kingsley’s arms, Kingsley’s presence. Teddy finds comfort in Kingsley’s arms, Kingsley’s presence.

It’ll be interesting to see how this fic plays out. Good work. xx

Author's Response: Wow, thanks. I really appreciate the long review. I was actually a little leery of my ability to write about a baby having never been around them much. I'm glad it's coming of well. Thanks so much for all your wonderful comments.

LOL. Good story. I liked the way it’s centred around James being too old for trick or treating, though if James is too old, why is Victoire there? Isn’t she quite a few years older than the whole lot of them?

James strode confidently ahead of the others, jauntily swinging a cauldron in one hand and a lantern in the other. - yes, that sounds exactly like the James II I imagine. XD

The pride everyone feels in their monster costumes is funny. The idea of James dressed up as Nearly Headless Nick made me laugh. Hm… I wonder how he’d pull that one off?

The Weasley grandchildren had not been troubled by such oddities, and their cauldrons had begun to fill with sweets and chocolate, even some Muggle money. Rose was turning over a pound coin in her hand thoughtfully, wondering how many Knuts she could exchange it for.

My favourite part. I love the use of ‘oddities’ as the story is based at Halloween. And Rose examining the one-pound coin reminds me of Ron so much! In PS/SS (I think it was), Harry got some money from the Dursleys, which Ron found interesting. Though, admittedly, he probably wasn’t wondering how much he’d get in wizarding terms for it.

Rose lending a Muggle kid a wizarding History book - I like that. She’s Hermione’s daughter, so it’s quite an amusing concept when you consider her mother’s character.

A couple of nit-picks:

Victoire and Lily has smiled at them serenely and got on with business of finding silver cauldrons to match their outfits. - ‘had smiled’ and ‘the business’?

He wondered how the darkest being the wizarding world would react to having a lantern pole shoved up its… Rose! - ‘being in the’.

Good work. xx

Before I visited your drabble thread I’d never read slash. But this is so beautifully written, so I’m pleased I delved in. What attracted me was the way Remus is scared of anyone finding out his secret, but at the same time, it makes him deliriously happy - the secretiveness serving only to make the relationship even better. Or that’s how I see it, at least. xD

The idea of ‘addiction’ that you carried from the beginning to end was nice. Holding onto this concept was effective.

Your use of second person was… *melts* A lot of authors, including myself, find this difficult to stop getting repetitive, and I hate repetition where there’s no reason, so you handled the point of view well, because I had no reason to get annoyed at ‘you’ for every other word. If that made sense. Because it wasn’t like that.

His tree. The tree. - I like the emphasis on ‘tree’ there. That’s the sort of repetition I love :D

Also, the second person didn’t give too much away. At the end, you know what they’re doing, but because Remus doesn’t outright tell us anything, it leaves more for the imagination.

The characterisation is handled well. Sirius was the outgoing, more carefree person, while Remus was more contained. Or from third person he would’ve been, I should think. I especially got this sense at the beginning when Sirius knocked Remus over.

One nit-pick:

“Wha—Oh, right,” - you need a question mark after the hyphen, because he was going to ask something.

Good work. I loved the way you handled this. xx

Author's Response: *huggles* Thanks! I love Remus and Sirius both as characters, so I'm glad you liked them as I wrote them! I'll make that nitpick xD Thanks!