Hi, Russia! Oh, I really enjoyed this little fic. I’ve never read a Neville/Hannah before, and it was quite refreshing to have a look at this very under-explored pairing.

I love how you begin with her waking up. Somehow, I got right in to the scene because of that, because it started at the start, with it being morning. If that makes sense...?

I like the whole concept of the pregnancy in this fic: if Neville weren’t on his way to see Hannah anyway, I have a feeling it would’ve brought the two back together. :) And I love how she doesn’t realise she's expecting. It shows how she was wrapped up in other things -- how much Neville means to her. You never really say whether she’s happy to be having a baby [although you mention in the beginning how she thought she’d be married with kids by now] but that doesn’t matter because you show us with this:

“You’re really happy?” She asked.

“Really.” Neville grinned.

She has Neville again, and if Neville’s happy, it just seems to be a natural conclusion that Hannah’s going to be, too. And it begins to complete her plan for ‘29’, too. XD

More than anything, she was glad that those ridiculous rumours of a surprise party were false.

In this paragraph, I couldn’t help but question Hannah, though. She gets one owl – despite requesting nobody bother with her birthday – and she feels glad? She certainly has reason to want to pretend she’s not getting older, but wouldn’t having no owls make her feel even a little sad or unloved? I’d have liked just a twinge of alone-ness or something.

Why was Roger Davis on a Muggle train? When I read that part, I got a little distracted, because I couldn’t see why he was there. He just was. Like others have said and you have admitted: it was too convenient. If you included a reason as to why he was there, I would have found it a little more believable, because then it would seem as if he had a purpose. But, or this is the impression I got from the books, I don’t think wizards generally go to work on Muggle transport.

I really liked it when Neville stumbled in to her. I knew it was him before the name even came; it was such an in-character moment. However, as Neville went in to his ‘I love you’ speech, I thought that could’ve been better. Despite being older and braver, I think it would make him nervous confessing such things all the same: maybe he could have shuffled his feet before just plunging in or something?

And I’d like to compliment you on your dialogue. It sounds really natural, how you’ve made characters trail off, have them say ‘erm’ when they’re embarrassed or whatever. Really nicely done!

By the way, I love how you included the prompt’s name towards the end. That was a nice little connection, and added to the positivity of the conclusion. I really enjoyed this story; I liked how you took a different pairing and you brought them back together. Good work! xx

Author's Response: Hey Spire! It is so nice to have a new review! I totally agree with everything you have said, I hate how convienient the train was... but it was part of the prompt to add it on, but I guess I could have done it better. Now I think of it, i should have included a reason shouldn't I? Hmm maybe I'll give that some thought and maybe add a bit in. Thanks for all your concrit and your compliments! *hugs* Russia xxxx

Well, I wasn’t sure what to expect from this, but I really like the result! If I’d realised Karis were Blaise’s mother in the beginning maybe I would’ve put two and two together sooner, but knowing how the challenge would end and seeing the Karis you painted, I wasn’t sure quite what would happen.

I love a story with twists and turns, and this certainly had them. There was such a back-story for Karis, but when you think about you only glossed over it, hiding the full extent of it from Tiberius. Very well done, because I felt as if I knew more about Karis than I actually did.

“Oh, good, I do hate penny pinchers, don’t you?”
LOL. On looking back through the story for this review, this is the practically the first line I read and it’s so ironic. I love it. Because that’s kind of what Karis seems to be.

It was interesting reading a story with only one character’s dialogue, but I got a feeling for Tiberius’ character by the way he’s spoken to, the way Karis reacts to him. Especially towards the end, I think you really showed both characters’ true colours, and that was interesting. The change was quite abrupt in Tiberius, suddenly not being so keen on her singing and talk, but that didn’t bother me too much because it showed how a few months living with Karis, getting to know her properly, had made him look at her more closely. You could see he was suspicious of her by the way he regarded other men. Although, another scene after the wedding might’ve been nice to balance the change in the character’s perspectives of each other out. By the end, I could see Tiberius as an irritable old man – was he like that all along, or did Karis make him like that? I like to go with the latter theory, though it doesn’t matter so much either way I don’t suppose...

Karis’ advances on Tiberius were quite amusing in a roll-my-eyes kind of way. She was so obvious about it, but it had exactly the desired effect on him. LOL.

Towards the beginning it seemed like the word ‘sir’ or ‘Tiberius’ ended quite a few of Karis’ sentences. It showed her respect for him well, painted a picture of her well, but because she said it so often, it got a little repetitive and needless. I think just cutting a few of them out and dispersing them more would be beneficial – I didn’t notice that towards the end, though, because I suppose they were more familiar with each other by then.

Why would I be interested in him? He hasn’t got two Knuts to rub together.”

“Oh, don’t be so naive; why do you think I married you? And as you’ve admitted, you didn’t marry me for my conversation, which seems to annoy you
Honestly, I think the ending was really well done. Just as the penny drops for Tiberius, but it’s too late!

The way of death was different, too. I didn’t know the thing about Hades and his chair, but it fit in really well. Hades being the God of the Underworld, and Tiberius dying in that way – like earlier, kind of ironic, but quite subtle too. It the sort of thing I’ll only pick up subconsciously [if at all] on the first read, but on looking at the story more in-depth the significance, whether meant or not, is really nice.

Overall, I enjoyed this story. Karis Mclaggen is certainly an interesting character... I’m still not really sure what to think of her – she’s so mysterious, deceptive. Great work, dear. xx

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Spire. Sorry, I've taken forever to respond, but just to let you know that I do appreciate you taking the trouble to review this. ~Carole~

Bine, I’ve read several of your fics, and I have to say this one has got to be one of your best. Seriously, such a captivating plot line. And adding that prologue was a great way of getting my attention, and wishing that Hermione would listen to Ron for the rest of the story. At the same time, though, it might’ve been more effective to exclude Ron’s line from the prologue. While that is such a great end point, it somewhat made the impact less when you got to the attack scene in the main story. From the dialogue in the prologue, it just kind of tells you that Ron will turn up and save the day. I don’t know... I just think it would’ve been a little more suspenseful without that line.

‘I think that it’s a couple of miles from Sydney to Warrabri, right?’

This is minor, but ‘a couple of miles’ confused me, because, you know, it obviously wasn’t just ‘a couple of miles’. Unless Ron was being sarcastic, in which case I think you need to make that clearer, I think.

Critique aside, I loved this story. Really. Just... gah >.> I haven’t read any of the other Hermione-going-to-get-her-parents stories floating around the archives, but maybe I should try some of them. Though I knew Jay was no good from the prologue, I would never have guessed that was because he’s a witch-hunter. In fact, the whole witch-hunting prospect is something I’ve never seen explored in fanfiction set in the last century or whatever. It was interesting to read your take on a modern family of witch-hunters, and how they had their own wards against witches. That whole explanation scene, as such, where we learn about the real Jay and a little about his history, had me so intrigued. I would’ve loved a little more detail, but that’s not something that detracted from the fic. That’s just me wanting to know more, LOL.

The characterisation of all three main characters was great. Jay was certainly really skilled at witch-hunting [makes you wonder how long he had been witch-hunting :/], and that really shone through effectively in how he deceives Hermione into trusting him. Ron and Hermione were written well; I liked the little details you added in around them, about Ron’s ears turning red, etc., because it gave that sense that, yes, these are the characters I know.

Like I said at the beginning of this review, Bine, this is one of my favourite stories by you. It was a great read. xx

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the great review, Spire. I certainly had a lot of fun writing the story around a witch-hunter. And who knows? Maybe I'm going to explore witch-hunting in the future.

Hey, Psi! Well, I read this poem on the boards some time ago and thought it was good, so it’s nice to get to read it again and review it, this time around. :]

Severus Snape... hmm, I’m never sure what I think of him. He’s one of the deepest and most interesting characters to explore, but before DH you can’t help but hate him. One of the things I really like about your poem if that you go to Severus’ core, and subtly drag up his disgust in himself.

The story moves on

I think you used that line excellently. It’s short and simple, but right to the point which fits Severus’ character in this nicely, because the story has the element of how he works towards revealing himself for who he is. There’s the fact that he spends most of his life lying, but because this poem shows him confronting himself, in a way, that line is almost like... a twisted kind of resignation. In addition, as you place it at the end of a stanza, the story really does move on.

He does what needs to be done,
the practicalities, the gritty reality.
His life is built on the necessary.

These three lines have to be my favourites. First read, I liked them for the rhythm and flow. Second read, I looked at them deeper and realised they summarise Severus perfectly. His life has shaped itself in a way that all of these ideas are important factors because of his decisions.

Next, I have to comment on the way you’ve structured the poem. I love how you’ve distinguished between his life, death and afterlife. All three deserve to be distinguished because they all are aspects of change – in a way – for him. In life, his true character is only really seen by Dumbledore; in death it is revealed to Harry and later everyone; in the afterlife, I wouldn’t say he’s given up his facade completely, but he’s a different man, who’s endured much. By telling his story, it’s kind of like he’s ready to give up that facade. And what’s more, in death he’s greeted by Dumbledore, which only seems fitting to me since Dumbledore is the only one – besides possibly Lily – who’s ever really trusted him. And at this point he tells Dumbledore his all -- the tale tumbles from his lips. It’s kind of a reflection of what he gives to Harry, but deeper.

Finally – ‘irredeemable’. I love that, because through Severus’s self-contempt, he doesn’t realise it, but he has redeemed himself for what he’s done wrong in the past. At least, that’s how I interpret it. Great poem, dear. xx

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the great review! :) Snape is one of my favourite characters to explore, and I found when writing this that poetry is actually a really good way to do that. I wouldn’t say he’s given up his facade completely, but he’s a different man, who’s endured much. he doesn’t realise it, but he has redeemed himself for what he’s done wrong in the past. Personally, I see the afterlife of Platform 9 and 3/4 as purgatory, and Severus hasn't yet redeemed himself. Regardless of the facts of what he's done, both good and bad, I think until Severus has forgiven himself he won't be redeemed and he won't be able to move on - to get on the train and face all the people who have already moved on, including Lily. Telling his story to Dumbledore is a way of him hopefully finding a way to move forward, eventually. (I also would like to possibly write a companion piece about whether or not Dumbledore is ever able to leave the Platform! :D ) Thank you so much for reviewing, it's great to hear that people have enjoyed reading this! :)

Ah, I do love a good sonnet. They’re definitely one of my favourite poetry forms to read and write, and your one does the sonnet justice. Many fanfic poems could be applied to so many situations, but something I love about yours is that it is about a specific canon situation, and there’s no mistaking it for something else. It’s really interesting to see canon situations turned from prose to poetry, and think about all the different ways that could be done.

He started out but did not shed a tear,

You know, maybe I’m being a hypocrite because I’ve used that phrase too much, LOL, but ‘shed a tear’ just seems so clichéd at the best of times. There’s nothing wrong with clichés -- I use them all the time, inadvertently :p -- but I just think, in this case, you could’ve had a better impact if you’d worded it in a way to avoid the cliché. Things like ’but did not let go tears’ or ‘but not without his fear’, maybe.

That said, otherwise I only have praise! The sonnet has a very smooth rhythm and rolls off the tongue easily and rhythmically -- as it should -- and I love your choice of rhyming words. Just looking over the rhymes kind of sums up the situation, in those words only, and they so capture Harry’s state, and the progression of his emotions as he nears Voldemort. And then, reading the whole poem, which just furthers those ideas.

All in all, a very nice poem. Thank you :)

Author's Response:

Hullo there, Spire. :)

I wrote this for the beta boards, but when I went to post it on the archives, I think I was one word short to make the minimum. If I recall correctly, I think the line you mentioned might have been the one that got changed. I really should explore my options in terms of making it fit better overall with the flow and concept. I do happen to agree that it could have been better. 

The rhyme and metre were a labour of love for me, so I love it when someone who understands just how difficult that can be tells me that it's good. I really like this poem, and the events about which it was written are very powerful. I think the fact that it's so time-specific draws power from that event, giving it an extra push.

Thank you for reviewing this one. My poetry is sadly neglected sometimes. :)

~Jess

Natalie, I absolutely love this! First, it just looks good on the page – in the way that some poems just do, LOL – but secondly the lines flow into one another so well. Just, beautiful enjambment. You’ve done a really good job of selecting where to leave off the punctuation, and when you don’t, what punctuation to use to keep up the seamless flow.

Another thing that works with that enjambment to keep the flow smooth is the rhythm of the poem. I know you took words from Burns, but I don’t think that makes too much of a difference to my opinion, because you’ve managed to fit your own words around his, without making it seem like you’ve forced his words to be at the end. They fit completely naturally, and I imagine that must’ve taken quite a while to get right, which makes me admire the poem even more. On a side note, I especially love the first stanza for rhythm, I think because you have hour/valour and that just sounds so nice to the ear. :D

The link between the penultimate and the last stanza -- run and hide -- also is very unobtrusive on the flow of the poem. Generally, I love repetitive poems, where you can’t help but notice the repetition. I like that here, though, I didn’t really note it until my second read. Instead of repetition for emphasis, your use, to me, is more just a natural link that you’ve used to link the stanzas, but at the same time to leap from point A to B. In addition, each run and hide is in a slightly different context, which shows the subtle divide between stanzas.

Finally, I just want to say I think that this captures the spirit surrounding the Battle of Hogwarts perfectly. The unity between houses, the need to believe that your side will win, the suggestion that turning your back on fear will be one above the Dark Lord.

Great poem -- I really, really enjoyed it. I tracked down Burns’ version to read too, and yours is completely different which makes it all the more original, imo. :) xx

Author's Response: Spire!



This Spreview came as a lovely surprise. I am almost blushing as I read this. :D



It did take me a lot of time and energy to write this. First of all, the prompt gave me a hard time; secondly, I lacked confidence as far as the flow was concerned. Credit goes to Carole for instilling enough courage in me to submit it for th challenge - to even post it in PA.



It astounds me how much you have picked up in your review; I seriously didn't see that much while I was writing it. I am really happy you thought it was fitting for the battle, and that you liked the poem as a whole.



Thanks for the wonderful review!



~Natalie.

Hey Jen,

My favourite thing about this chapter has to be your portrayal of Lysander and Lily. Every couple has arguments, and it adds a sharp touch of realism to their relationship to see them on the outs with each other. I particularly like that we see an angry Lysander, because we’ve seen a volatile Lily before, but Lysander has always seemed so measured and calm. You’ve shown he’s reached a breaking-point, in a way, and that makes him more relatable to me. He’s got to be under a lot of stress even if he wants the babies, and the manifestation of stress shown through the anger is perfect here, because everyone wants a successful life of their own too.

Developing on the conflict, the underlying reasons behind it also make these two easier to relate to. I think, when your seventeen, the last thing you’re thinking about is the prospect of children. You just want to enjoy yourself, and this is shown in Lily at the beginning of the story -- and I’m loving seeing her develop over the course of this story. She‘s growing up more and more as she confronts her responsibilities, etc., and becoming more and more likable as a result. Equally, at seventeen, you’re thinking about your career, because that’s really when you start to make major decisions about life. I love that Lysander is clearly thinking about that. So, in short, I think you’ve done a great job of showing the dimensions of both character’s lives, and how their views of themselves and the environment around them are evolving.

Also, and I feel like I’m rambling a bit on the characterisation -- sorry. But, but, but -- you really have got such a perfect McGonagall. I can’t not comment on her. She sounds exactly like the McGonagall Harry knew -- and I think a lot of that is down to how severe you portray her, how she addresses Lily as ‘Potter’. But then she softens towards the end and calls her ‘Lily’ -- and I remember how she used to behave that way around Harry too.

And my final point has to be on this line: ‘say-anything-and-I’ll-castrate-you’
. Just LOL. I love Lily’s one-liners. This is a really excellent story, Jen -- it doesn’t matter how far apart the updates are like with some stories: I still read this one as soon as I see it and I enjoy it every time. Great work :) xx

You know, I just realised this was for the last-line-standing challenge, and having reviewed Natalie’s entry to that earlier, I’m pleasantly surprised to know this was written for the same cause. As I said to Natalie, it must’ve taken quite a bit of work to get the poem to flow so well, and to just fit, and it makes me like the poem more, knowing you crafted it around a set of words. Great job!

I love the first couple of stanzas, describing the secret-ness of the DA, and how when it comes to it, anybody is welcome, they’re all working towards a common goal. In fact, I think as soon as I began reading it, it sounded like a chant, all their voices uniting. I think it’s the Come one, come all that does that for me, kind of like Roll up, roll up! Whether that’s how you meant it to be read or not, that makes for a really powerful start for me, and drags me more deeply into the words immediately.

Reading back the third stanza now, I think it totally links into what I just said about the chant-effect. Especially Unified in goals and value and in voice makes it seem like they’re standing and speaking together as you read.

I’m actually reviewing this for the archive challenge going on in PA at the moment, and the inspiration for my poem was this line: And paint our dissent on the walls like art. To me that paints such a vibrant picture. I read it as a metaphor for things like what Neville describes in DH to the trio, but equally it can work just as well literally, which I like. Which way did you imagine it, since I really think it could work either way?

To me, the message portrayed in this poem is a strong one, of unity and hope, and I think that’s what makes the poem sing for me. I really like this; it captures the spirit of Dumbledore’s Army perfectly. A really great poem :) xx

Author's Response:

Um, like...wow! What a completely sparkling review! This was such a lovely thing to wake up to.:D

I wanted it to feel almost like a song, but more like a battle cry. When I wrote it, I wanted it to have sort of a Braveheart vibe to it, so I'm so happy that that came through properly. Neville became a hero during DH, and this is his voice of dissent and rebellion.

Thank you so much for the lovely review. Good luck with the challenge. :D

~Jess

I really rather liked this. At first I wasn’t sure about the perspective you’ve used here, and I think the main thing that made me doubt it was that the first two sentences both start with ‘Regulus’, when in my head it would sound better if the second was ‘he’. You did that a few times, and it sounds a bit redundant since we know this is from Regulus’s point of view. However, as the story went on I found myself quite liking the perspective you’ve used. What makes it for me is that it lends an almost apathetic tone to the entire story, but still allows you to show us the emotions where necessary. The main example of how the story’s apathetic, I think, is the way Regulus reacts to Snape‘s advance. You even state that he likes women rather than men, but it seems like he’s almost in another place, almost confused, almost apathetic. There’s that element of he’s just going with the flow, because why not? And he never really thinks any further about it than that. Maybe he doesn’t know what to think, maybe he doesn’t care. Either way, the perspective lends to how I perceive his emotions, since we don’t really go into his thoughts, but we do at the same time, and to me that just brings me into the situation a little more.

This line really stood out to me while reading: when they reappear in front of a dingy pub, Regulus really is sick When I read that, I interpreted it as him being sick because he can’t handle what he’s just done, even if he thinks it’s just the Apparation. Though since he feels sick when he leaves the house, he probably realises it’s the effect of what he’s just done. To me this story is the beginning of Regulus beginning to doubt whether Voldemort is right, and going back to the idea of apathy, that‘s how he responds. He cuts himself off from what he’s done, almost. I don’t know whether you meant any of this to be read the way I’ve read it, but I love that there’s so much room in this story that’s left unsaid, for my interpretations.

Going back to the start of the story again, I want to comment on this line: Regulus throws the frame on the floor and stands on it for good measure. No-one needs it anymore. I think this is a key quote for Regulus’s frame of mind, trying to separate himself from what he’s done kind of, but also the true nature of the murder. It’s painful, breaking another corner of somebody’s world, in a sense.

This is in present tense all the way through, which meant this line really jumped out at me, and I had to read it through a couple times before I figured out why -- His first thought was, why did I do that? His second was, I’m not sorry that I did. I would recommend going in there and changing the two uses of ‘was’ to ‘is’, just to maintain the flow.

This story is obviously about Regulus, but I feel I need to comment of Severus’ part, too. I think the apathy here is even stronger. Lily’s parents, I’m assuming, were just murdered, and Snape has had some kind of part in that. That must be like torture to him, even though they’re Muggles, just because it would hurt the girl he loves. I don’t understand his response to Regulus, though, because I got the impression that Regulus was the one who killed them, since Snape waited outside. If Regulus murdered them, Lily’s parents, I don’t understand Snape’s motivation in letting him tag along behind him. Is he trying to treat them like anyone else they would go out to get? Saying that, though, the story wouldn’t work without the Snape/Regulus dynamic unless you changed the entire foundation context; and Snape’s motives aren’t more important than Regulus’s reactions, which are what this story is about more, in my opinion.

As a final note, I love how you’ve linked the last line to the title, kind of grounding the story and bringing it to a natural halt. Very well done =) xx

Hey! Oh, I haven’t read a good ol’ Andromeda/Ted story in too long. I love your characterisation of Ted. I like that he’s quite sweet, and you show that he’s very genuine, but he’s also sure that he wants Andromeda and won’t let himself be distracted from his goal -- which is to propose. And he’s kind of the perfect boyfriend -- being there for her the whole time, supportive as her relationship with her family falls apart.

A lot happens in this story, and the plot moves quite quickly. That’s not a bad thing, but I think that impacts on making the transitions between scenes a little choppy in places, and it also makes it harder for me to relate to Andromeda. I think if the story was a bit longer, the flow would’ve been better, and you could‘ve built on some ideas more. On Andromeda -- in some parts I find I just don’t really understand her motivations. Marriage is a big deal, and she considers it seriously -- I like that the Quidditch match propels her to accept his proposal -- I thought that was a good plot device. Her consideration of marriage was where I could relate with her the most. The main part where I didn’t really connect with Andromeda was the first scene with Narcissa, though. It’s obvious that Narcissa is quite a sly character, and I don’t understand what makes Andromeda trust her. I know they’re sisters, but after being a member of the Black family for seventeen years, I would’ve thought she’d know better than to trust anybody in it to quite that degree. It just surprised me a bit that she would be so trusting of her sister with something so important.

I haven’t read your other fic, so maybe my question’s answered there -- but throughout I was quite confused as to whether Ted and Andromeda were in a public relationship. When anybody comments on their relationship she seems quite angry, almost, but to me they don’t seem to hide themselves -- for example Andromeda running to Ted’s bedside when he’s hurt.

While I‘m on that train of thought, I really liked the hospital wing scenes. They showed the closeness between the two well, partly because she wasn’t sure if Ted could hear but spoke anyway, keeping him company and letting him know she was there -- looking out for him. I think it made her acceptance of his proposal a little more meaningful, since he can’t respond to her, but at the same time, he can, and he squeezes her hand. I just thought that was really sweet, and romantic. That scene characterises the couple, in a way.

The part where she tells her parents about her engagement was played well. I like the quick exchange of dialogue, I like that I can “hear” how it all plays out in my head, without you using too many dialogue tags. There was one thing about it that I questioned a bit, though: but I had never heard Father speak to me in that tone. I was his little girl; we had always had a strong connection. If they had such a strong connection I would imagine her decision would hurt him, but enough that he would discard her so quickly and decisively? It just made me stop twice; maybe if we knew more detail about his character, their relationship, it would be clearer why he reacts as he does.

I loved the ending however. It has such a perfect balance between bittersweet and happy, that I’m not sure which one I think it is. Probably both. And I loved the inclusion of the wave she shares with the girl too, it makes me think of Dora -- almost like this whole situation with the little house and child is what Andromeda and Ted will be content with in a few years time.

Overall, I really enjoyed this. I’ll have to go back and look at the prequel to this when I have a moment :) xx

Author's Response: Wow, this made me smile. I'm so glad you liked it! Your thoughts are very helpful too! Thank you sooo much. :)