06/07/05
elwenyare.livejournal.com
I am in college, American, and in love with God. I enjoy reading, writing, music (playing, singing, listening), my friends and family.
I am a compulsive editor. This means that while new chapters may come infrequently (translation: I write slowly), the older chapters are always under revision. Check back now and again to read the new and improved versions! Also, I've been working on Britishisms, but as an American, my knowledge is limited. Please, feel free to (gently) Britpick.
I also write a lot of drabbles, which you can find by following that link to my website, along with some poetry and original fiction.
Lovely banner thanks to GinnyPotter!
This banner is thanks to the wonderful TheVanishingAct!
At The Ceili: This is a Christmas gift for Cinderella Angelina, a beloved fellow SPEW member. The title comes from the song it is based on, performed by the very excellent group Celtic Woman. Enjoy, Leslie!
Gold: This was originally the third chapter of In His Own Right, but I felt that it really didn’t fit with the others, so now it is a sequel.
Hide and Seek: This slightly lengthy one-shot deals with the choice between good and evil. It’s under Romance only because it didn’t fit in any of the General categories.
Home To Stay: Based on and set around a song by Josh Groban (same title), Hermione goes travelling Europe, trying to find what she’s lost during the War. Ron waits for her, living for the short notes that she sends to Ginny, waiting for the day when Hermione will be ready to come home for good.
In His Own Right: It was after writing my SPEW 007 challenge (seven prompts, one character) that I really came to appreciate Neville. He’s been through a lot, but he is strong and capable—he just needs a chance to show it. (It has a sequel in Gold.)
Left, Right, and Centre: This began as an attempt to understand why the relationship between Bill Weasley and Fleur Delacour seems to work, though no one else understands why. The reason? Fleur isn’t the idiot everyone thinks she is.
Love Is Not a Simple Thing: For now, this is a one-shot (its continuation is unlikely, and depends on the revival of a long-dormant plot bunny). It is a Remus/Hermione romance, but features no time travel. Instead, the setup comes during Hermione’s school years. Following chapters (if they appear) will follow their growing relationship during the war and post-war years.
So She Dances: One of my personal favourites. It's based on the Josh Groban song of the same name, and is a Neville/Ginny missing moment from GoF. It was the first atmosphere-based piece I wrote, and it came out quite nicely.
The Unknown: Also Neville-based, I consider this the best thing I have yet written. It's a little darker, but very real, with hope at its end.
Transformations: This is a Remus/Tonks, my first—and most ambitious—project. It began back in August 2005 and has been heavily rewritten and edited in preparation for the long-awaited finish. It will be around 11 or 12 chapters when finished
Waiting: This is a post-HBP one-shot, now AU. It was written for the S.P.E.W. Anniversary Challenge: Friends discussing changes since the one-year anniversary of an event (in this case, the death of Dumbledore).
[Report This]
Date: 12/07/05 Title: None
You have a wonderful editor, lol. It's good, which of course you already know. Write more!
Date: 12/04/05 Title: None
Wow, I can't belive I haven't review yet -- I'm sorry! Anyway, it's good. (Can't leave any sort of grammatical/writing advice, you already know that.) Don't stop!
Date: 11/30/05 Title: None
That's cute. There's really only one thing I'd like to comment on. Sometimes it doesn't flow as well as it could. Example:
She watched as Tonks knocked over and broke a shiny yellow flower vase, and she watched as Remus stepped in clean it up.
Tonks knocks the vase over and breaks it in the space of about ten words. It doesn't really show that she broke it, exactly. It's easy to miss. You might try just rewording it slightly, like: She watched as Tonks knocked over a shiny yellow vase and it broke. Remus stepped in to clean it up.
And then:
She watched when, as the two got up to join the others, brushed past each other slightly, went deep scarlet, and began apologizing hastily.
For this one, try changing just the first part, the "when, as." That really doesn't work. It looks and sounds better if you say just: She watched as the two got up to join the others...
Same here:
And she watched as, when Tonks mounted her broom shortly after Remus, the look she cast after him, and how her face light up cheerfully.
Maybe take how the "and" in the "cast after him, and how". A really helpful tip is to read it out loud. That way, you really understand the flow better. I like your storyline. Keep it up!
Author's Response: Wow, thank-you for the input! The construtive crit is great. I'll try and fix those things, and watch out for them in future. Thanks for the review, I love long ones!
Healing Ronald by Ravensgryff
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Ron Weasley has to learn how to put his life back together after the final battle. If left to his own devices, he would be content to whither away. But an unexpected friendship gives him the courage and motivation to heal.
Date: 11/05/05 Title: Chapter 1: Healing Ronald
That's very good. I like how you depicted the battle where Hermione died. It was a good way to explain Ron's depression. Luna's well done too, not much like we've seen her but not OOC.
Evans Vs. Potter by TheGoldPhoenix
Rated: •Summary: James Potter and Lily Evans have hated each other since the day they entered Hogwarts. Not even their friends can push them together, but in their final years at Hogwarts, something else might. A disturbing and mysterious wizard is leaving his mark on the wizarding world...and on his victims. During their O.W.L. year, James begins to feel differently about Evans, but can Lily give him a chance? And will they stop fighting when their world begins to crumple around them? A romantic and lighthearted storyline that foreshadows Voldemort's reign of terror. Definitely worth a read!
Date: 01/23/06 Title: Chapter 1: A Fond Farewell?
Very nice. A few points: First, love the opening. It’s so unrealistic that it’s hilarious.
Er, at first I thought Charlie was a guy. You may want to make it a bit clearer earlier that she isn’t.
Good characterization of Sirius: Sirius sighed casually. "Well, you know how it is. I turned on the Black charm and his mother fell in love with me. Now James is like the next-door neighbor, but you can't really blame her." Very amusing.
James, the pre-maturity, pre-understanding-what-Lily-wants-James is quite good. Basically, I liked it. It’s a good start. It’s a bit clichéd in that it’s the Marauders vs. Lily and her best friends, but it’s a well-written one. Keep writing!
Wolf's Bane by Cherry and Phoenix Feather
Rated: 6th-7th Years •Summary: All his life, Remus has known one thing: Love is not his friend. Love is the enemy for someone like him, which is why he denies it to himself. However, that denial could prove fatal as he and the woman he loves are sent on a mission that risks everything.
--------------------------------------
A/N: Rated 6th-7th years for later chapters (violence, mostly, but concepts that kids can't comprehend, like noble sacrifice and possibly some sexual content).
Date: 12/06/05 Title: Chapter 2: Coffee and Unexpected Guests
I love it when people give new twists to old stories. Apparently the aforementioned back of her hand had knocked the firewhiskey bottle off the ledge. Very clever.
I also really like your internal dialogues, with neither realizing the true feelings of the other. Very true to life, the wild misunderstanding of both parties. I like your version of Tonks’ clumsiness, with her falling down the stairs.
The only thing I wonder about is Tonks and her liking for firewhiskey. I pictured her as too level-headed to really have it around much, but I suppose that’s a matter of taste to some point.
I haven’t got anything to really criticize, it was very good. Waiting for more!
Author's Response: Well, I don't really know any other magical alcoholic beverage...and I've always pictured Tonks as a fun-loving person who probably would have a drink or two just for the hell of it. Personally, that is.
I'm glad you liked it!
Ten Years by orange_balloon
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: When 30-year-old Hermione Granger runs into an old Hogwarts classmate on the street she finds that time doesn't always change things. . .
Date: 02/01/06 Title: Chapter 1: (one-shot)
That's fascinating by mere virtue of originality. This is, as of yet, the one and only challenge I've seen in which Hermione and Draco have both grown up -- really grown up, not just physically -- but still dislike each other. I kept expecting him to ask her out!
I also like how you set your stories in America, but not painfully. There's always a decent reason. I'm really starting to like your work. :-)
Author's Response: When I want to remove the characters from the HP world I tend to pull them across the Atlantic. *shrugs*
I'm glad you found this original. I enjoy trying to put a unique perspective on some pretty well-loved topics just to keep things interesting. I do warn you, though, if you keep reading my fics you will find out that I am actually an D/Hr shipper! :D
Dear Dumby by Oppungo
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: What happens when Dumbledore has his latest "brilliant" idea, to start an advice column, and call it 'Dear Dumby'? Letters from some of our favourite Hogwarts students, some of our not so favourite Hogwarts students, some not even Hogwarts students at all, and, of course, lots of madness!
Pre-HBP for obvious reasons!
Nominee for the Best Humour Award in the Quicksilver Quill Awards! Many thanks to all who voted for it!
Date: 02/19/06 Title: Chapter 6: Dear Dumby - Issue 3
I love what you've done with this so far. The characters are OOC but still retain elements of their own personalities, difficult in humor fics. I You're doing a great job with all the different voices that the people speak in, and I love Dumbledore's replies. Some of the problems and solutions are hysterical. Keep it up, and I'll go read your R/Hr in the meantime!
Author's Response: Thank you, it's great to get an indepth response with some good feedback!! Yeah, I realise they can be a bit OoC, but it's good to know you think there are still bits of them that are recognisable!! I will try harder to get them a bit more IC, but you're right, it can be hard! I actually found I had the hardest time with Ginny...(in the next chapter) Glad to know the humour's still hysterical - thank you!!
Phases by Lissa Reynolds
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Tonks compares her situation to the phases of the moon. Just a little poem I wrote in my overly-air-conditioned room at band camp. Hope you like it. I do.
Date: 11/11/05 Title: Chapter 1: Phases
That's good. The repitition of the verses is a bit confusing, though. I like it.
Author's Response: *squints at page* Oh. Oops. If I was smoother I\'d say I did it for literary reasons,but I think I just pasted it in there twice. Thanks for catching that!
I've Done It Again by ginny112
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Remus Lupin has a lot on his plate and is feeling lonely and confused. He pays a visit to the Weasleys to try to get his priorities in order. Will talking out his issues help him, or hurt him? And how will he deal with an unexpected visitor? An HBP missing moment.
Excerpt
When Remus was outside, still near the door, he was sure he heard an outburst of sobs. He felt a pang of guilt inside and said with resignation to himself, “I’ve done it again.”
One shot. Missing moment from HBP. Read and review.
Date: 11/14/05 Title: Chapter 1: I've Done It Again
Cool. Not what I expected, but cool partially because of that. It makes sense; I like that you had Remus actually there. Most stories just have Tonks.
Author's Response: Yeah I know it was a bit unusual. I was sort of unsure how people would take it but I'm glad you liked it. The whole idea of this story was to explore Remus's experience in HBP. Thanks for the review!
Once in a Blue Moon by Kerichi
Rated: 6th-7th Years •Summary: Tonks is rich in family and friends, but the wages of a new Auror keep her short of funds. A side job brings something into her life money can't buy.
*Nominated for a Quicksilver Quill for Best Romance- Canon.*
Date: 12/08/05 Title: Chapter 7: Blinded by the Moon
The entire thing by the holidays?!? You are my new best friend. Sort of. You are wonderful, we'll settle for that. Love it!!
Author's Response: You remind me of one of my favourite songs
Date: 12/07/05 Title: Chapter 6: By the Light of the Moon
This is so OOC for both of them -- more for Remus, but Tonks to some degree as well -- but I really like it. Keep it up!
Author's Response: I feel like I've been given a challenge with this fic....sway readers to Kerichi's way of thinking. LOL. I wrote it keeping in mind that this is GoF. Remus is taking Wolfsbane, he's a harmless wolf on full moons, and the dark events of OotP and HBP aren't happening yet. Also, Remus and Tonks don't have large parts in the books and when encountered are seen through the eyes of a boy who can deal with a Dark Lord better than deciphering his or anybody else's feelings. (Harry thought Tonks loved Sirius!) So I'll gladly take the challenge and do my best to have you loving it! ^_^
Date: 12/19/05 Title: Chapter 18: Bad Moon Rising
Nice. Very nice. I thought Tonks had too much guts to actually go through with Evan's plan (though I'm going to have to go back and read it again to understand it!). And very good with Remus. Poor guy.
Author's Response: You don't have to go back and read (unless you really want to, heh). I'm happy to give you the condensed version....Evan, insonsiderate boss, wouldn't authorise a pay rise so Yaxley could pay his Death Eater dues, so the bloke got hold of some compromising info and blackmailed Rosier, who in turn blackmailed Tonks into getting it back, thinking to double-cross her. She, of course, used an illusion charm on the draft envelope, gave the thugs a beating, the evidence to Rory, and Evan got his draft back with the knowledge that she's got the goods on him. Outsmarting Evan was good, but lying to Remus was bad and romantic trouble ensued. (I'm not very good at being succint...don't think I could write soap summaries for the paper, lol) ^_~
Date: 12/16/05 Title: Chapter 14: Harlequin's Moon
I love this story. And I love how it keeps coming quickly!
I grinned, and kissed him full on the mouth to show my appreciation. I was very appreciative. Our companions were not.
Very nice. I like the wordplay here.
“Oh, baby…” His lips grazed my forehead and then drifted down to my mouth. The way he said ‘baby’ wasn’t the same as those blokes you hear in the pub dictating, ‘Order me another beer, will you baby?’ It wasn’t demeaning; it was used in the same way I’d called him baby, with tenderness and caring.
Very good choice of both words and explanation here. It really brings out both the affection and the compassion that is a big part of Remus.
His smile was tight, “Er…I think I’ll bring Snuffles along.” Remus’ gaze flickered down to my chest, “Remove the temptation to mark my territory further.”
The grammar here looks a little funny. I think you should end the sentences instead of using commas to connect them: His smile was tight. “Er…I think I’ll bring Snuffles along.” Remus’ gaze flickered down to my chest. “Remove the temptation to mark my territory further.”
Evan is creepy in just the right way. Cold, but not emotionless – real enough to be scary.
One thing I’ve noticed is the references to classical works and languages. For me, seeing too many that I don’t know can sort of jolt the story. Just a thought.
On to the next chapter!
Author's Response: Hurrah you think "Evan is creepy in just the right way"! Hehheh about the errors, I'd thought I'd changed those when I edited my draft. D'oh! Thanks for pointing that out, the commas are periods now! About the classical or foreign language, I sprinkle in a few phrases here and there for characterization and flavour, but try to give the English translations or have Tonks answer in English so as to make the story flow instead of jolt. If something specific caught your eye, let me know....I believe in editing! ^_^
Date: 12/20/05 Title: Chapter 19: Shadow Moon
Only once chapter left? Awww...put it up quickly! :-D
Author's Response: Good thing you can't hear me sing "Tomorrow, Tomorrow..." Broadway singer, I aint, lol. I promise to submit a Remus one shot the morning the queue opens back up, and January 6th, I'll submit the sequel's first chapter! Hope that changes the 'Awww' to 'Alright!' ^_^
Date: 12/16/05 Title: Chapter 15: Tears of the Moon
You’re story’s unpredictable. I like that.
His eyes glinted like Amber when I lay back against the mattress. “Did he press…?”
You don’t need to capitalize “amber” here, since you’re not using it as a name.
There was a chilling atmosphere of arrested development in the room. The single bed was covered in eyelet lace. Posters of wizard rock groups that had been popular over fifteen years ago covered the walls. The witch worked for the Department of Magical Games and Sports, but if I hadn’t known otherwise, I would’ve thought her a Hogwarts student.
Not many people delve deeply into Bertha Jorkins. I think you did a great job of capturing what she might have been. Obviously, she never was as mature as most people, but the following scene about her memories really caps that, shows the gossipy way she was and the change that happened there.
“Wotcher, Bertha!” I said in surprise when I found the journal. I’d thought it a textbook, due to its immensity, but when I opened it, the words, Bertha Jorkins’ Private Journal jumped out at me. (Nice bit about the textbook.) Starting right away with the exclamation upsets the flow a little. Maybe if you rearranged it to something like: ‘I thought it was a textbook, due to its immensity, but when I opened it, the words Bertha Jorkins’ Private Journal jumped out at me. I raised my eyebrows in surprise. “Wotcher, Bertha!”’ or something like that.
My eyes went to the large portrait on the wall, of a plump, scowling girl who stared at us with beady dark eyes out of a face that only a mother could imagine fanciable.
The only thing here is that I would have thought that Bertha would have simpered in portraits, trying to look pretty/seductive/remotely attractive, but that’s a matter of preference.
Last thing, really! And that’s that I like your use of transitions into unusual things. Bringing Sirius in, having Evan kissing Tonks, and now Cami appearing. They’re never out of place or startlingly sudden, but they are fresh and different. Looking forward to the next chapters!
Author's Response: Hey, I love your reviews. You know how to sandwich critique between praise. Are you a teacher or a teachers pet? LOL I'll think about the wording, but I like Bertha the Eileen Prince, plain-with-attitude type rather than the Moaning Myrtle, simpering sort, heh. Thanks for the feedback and looking forward to the next chapters! ^_^
Date: 12/12/05 Title: Chapter 11: Full Moon Rising
I agree with Nox, I'm glad they haven't slept together yet. You've done a good job keeping Remus more or less himself, even with the primalness.
I didn't quite expect it, but I can't say I'm surprised that Tonks slapped him. I do like the way it turned out, though. I also like the way you had Evan drop that on her. It's a great way to ramp up the tension.
I will be thrilled if you get this done by the holiday. If not, I'll be thrilled to find it when we come back!
Author's Response: You'll find in ch 12 that Tonks and Remus agree with you about waiting for the right time. I love that expression *ramp up the tension*....I want to do exactly that...and get it done by holiday, since our magnificent mod is willing! ^_^ Hope you get a chance to read Remus' one shot Touch of the Moon that just posted. (Hint much? Yes, I do! :D)
Date: 11/22/05 Title: Chapter 1: New Moon, New Beginning
Wonderful. Very unusual. The characters aren't entirely canon, but they're fascinating. I really like the twist you've put on it. It's a Favorite now, I'll be waiting for updates!
Author's Response: I'm so happy you liked the twist! I put the bit about the uncle and gran in the A/N (I could've added the Slytherin Ex) because I try to stay true to canon with a few liberties, because Remus and Tonks are only shown through Harry's eyes in the books, and I had fun rounding out the characters for a story of their own. ^_^
Date: 12/02/05 Title: Chapter 4: Kiss the Moon
AHHHH! I love it! It's so different, completely not like the normal Tonks and Remus, but with enough still there that we believe it, though Remus gets a little creepy with his primalness. Still, it's very very fun and I can't wait for more!
Author's Response: Huzzah, you love it. Vive la difference! (In fiction as well as between men and women, ^_~) One person's "creepy" is another's "sexy", so I'll cross my fingers that before this fic is done you'll have crossed over to the sexy side, lol!
Date: 11/27/05 Title: None
It's very cute. You'll have to be careful it's not too cliched, but you're off to a good start.
Author's Response: thank you:) I'm trying my best on my own with the cliches but I cant seem to find a BETA:(