*wipes tear*
I love this...
“Padfoot, old chum,” said James. “I hate to break it to you, but we’re dead, mate."
Brilliant (:
And mmmm; Sirius Black...
*goes into day-dream*
After all, once you go Black you never go back ;D

Author's Response: *giggles*

I do love Sirius - he's such a player. I doubt a little obstacle like death would stop him. I'm now wondering whether I should be writing the rest...

Hi there!

What first attracted me to this was your banner; I love Draco :)

Anyway, I really enjoyed the chapter! I think the set-up is great - realistic, plausible and I can see it happening. Your characters are IC - especially Narcissa. I loved the addition of the peacock scence - something so simple really provided an insight into the mind of Felicity and Narcissa.

Felicity is a great character and I like the way she adores Draco. She's very perceptive about her relationship with her grandmother - but maybe a bit too much? Hate might be a harsh word for her to use. Perhaps Felicity might just think her grandmother doesn't like her very much, as opposed to hate. I know they're practically the same thing, but still :P

I love the cliff-hanger also - I can't wait to find out who the mother is! And what's going on with Harry Potter? I'm intrigued - well done :D

Author's Response: Woah -- sorry I never replied to this! I didn't realize I hadn't. :P Anyway -- thanks so much! I'm gland you thought everyone was IC; that's one of my main worries. :)

Hey SPEW Buddy! I'm here to review your lovely fic :)

The first thing I noticed was your use of the song lyrics; I thought they were very effective, and were a great bonus to the fic. They're woven exceptionally well into the passages, and rather than being seperate entities, they really tie in with the story and inter-twine with the feelings and emotions of the piece. Now, I haven't read many song fics, but I thought you handled that particular aspect very well.

'Draco Malfoy was free.' Isn't it funny how such a short, simple line can make such a powerful impact? It's such a solid, matter-of-fact sentence, yet it creates a surge of interest for the reader. It's a great line, Russia. Deceptively simple, really. It's dramatic - you can almost hear the 'dun-dun-DUN' soundtrack in the background.

I have to hand it to you, Russia, you're very talented at creating these simple, powerful sentences that really make an impact on the reader. I don't know how you do it. It seems so effortless, but wow.

However, I do have quick qualm - you're over-describing the eyes, and placing too much emphasis on them. Eyes are something of a tricky feature, and I know I'm guilty of placing a lot of emphasis on them in an intense scene. If you're describing Draco's eyes, for example, whether the colour or the expression in them, don't then proceed to describe Ginny's, yes? Or don't keep referring to the colour, or whether or not they're 'flashing'.

'He had just locked out the only person who might ever understand him.' Um, WOW. I love love love it. LOVE IT. How do you do it? You just create these lines that stick in your mind, you know? Like, I'm trying so hard not to just copy and paste the entire story into this review, because there are a lot of lines that I like.

Regarding the whole 'Ginny/Draco' aspect of the piece, I admit that I would have liked it to be a bit more explored - more explanation, perhaps, as to how they came to be, rather than just re-iterating the point that Draco had secretly admired her for years. In one way, it wasn't necessary, as it was 'only a kiss', as you say, and it makes it even more poignant because there is no explanation for why Draco feels this away, and he's been gone so long that he's deluded himself almost, and worked this kiss up to something amazing, when she doesn't even remember it... so perhaps it works that way, as it's so tragic then. But I would have liked to know why Ginny kissed him back.

Speaking of Ginny, the Obliviating was so dramatic! I was practically open-mouthed when that happened. Guh. I don't know why, I just so wasn't expecting it, and then when it happened, it made sense to me. It seemed like such a Draco move. I think you really got into Draco's psyche.

'If she was with me, she wouldn’t be living in such a pathetic little place, Draco thought.' That line is just so DRACO! However, I'm not sure if he would refer to Harry as 'pretty boy'. Cedric seems to have been a pretty boy, whereas although Harry is supposed to have become more 'fanciable' over time, I don't imagine him being a 'pretty boy.' I'm not sure how I would describe Harry, exactly. Perhaps something else to do with his appearance? Scarred? Spectacled? But more offensive, obviously. Although maybe having it as 'pretty-boy' is good, because really, it's just Draco trying to insult Harry in any way possible, and make himself feel better.

'Draco followed the couple, careful not to step on the leaves that crunched under their feet.' How do you do it? It's so simple, but GAH, so wonderful at the same time. I can't quite concisely describe my love for that line. It's just realistic, and I can picture the scene so vividly in my mind - Draco creeping after Harry and Ginny, avoiding these crisp, red autumn leaves, while being totally obsessed with observing their every move.

Mmm, I do wonder how realistic is it to have them smoking? I know it's to tie in with the lyrics, but I don't really buy it. Especially when you think that Harry's been out of temptation's way for so long - the teenage years being the age where most people begin to start smoking. I also think that because Harry's lost so many loved ones from death, he'd hardly be okay with Ginny inhaling poison...

'Supposedly he was free, but really he was a prisoner all along.' That's a truly great insight, and really sums up what I imagine to be the feelings of most ex-prisoners. Sometimes, the walls, bars and guards of jail aren't the prison at all - it's themselves, and their lives, and sometimes even when you've left the situation of imprisonment, you're never really gone at all. I thought that line was very thought-provoking; well, it made me think anyway, ha ha.

I also love how you left the ending open - did he, didn't he? It's open to interpretation, which I like. You left it suitably tragic.

Fab story, Russia! I really did enjoy reading it, and I thought your plot, characterisation, imagery and description were really wonderful. I especially adored your sentence structure, and the almost simplicity of the piece. The song lyrics really added to the over-all atmosphere of the fic. You really are very talented :)

--Emma

Carole, love, I'm so happy this got validated! There's not much more I can say about it, other than it's absolutely amazing - be a dear and write a sequel!

Author's Response: If you look at some of the comments - they mention Katie - her characterisation came from the very swift kick you gave me - so *applause and bows*. Thank you so much. ...... Sequel .... hmmmmm, watch your inbox but not yet ha ha and thanks again - Carole xxx

Firstly, I love the quote at the beginning of the fic. I think it really sets the scene quite wonderfully - very apt, very striking, very accurate. It reminds me of Dumbledore's quote… what is it again?

Quote: It's the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more.

For me, the use of the quote was a great start to the story.

One of the initial things I noticed when reading was the use of first person narrative. I found it rather off-putting. I've never exactly thought of a Dementor thinking clear, concise thoughts, more… basic feelings. In my head, they're beings, rather than actual humans, if you get what I mean. The first person, for me, just wasn't quite right. I understand the purpose of it being first person - to really suck you in, to really comprehend the "brain" of a Dementor - but it just didn't quite work for me. The way things were phrased were too human-like: can a Dementor, in fact, make the distinction of 'deciding' to do something? I think it would have made more sense to just have it 'do' something, rather than making a conscious decision to do it. To be honest, if I were to write from a Dementor's POV, I would be hesitant as to what narrative to choose. I suppose it would be a toss between third or second. Third could be too uninvolved, too nonchalant, and would more than likely detract from the whole striking, Dementor's point of view element. I would have liked to see it told from the second person, actually. I know it's difficult to pull off, but I have quite a penchant for second person narrative, when it's done well. That way, you would still things from the Dementor's eyes, but I think it would have been less… human-like. I've never thought about a Dementor thinking at all, if I'm honest. It never entered my head that they could think or feel like a human does. In my head, they're more… beings, than actual humans. In my mind, they rely on instinct, much like an animal does. It doesn't seem fitting that they can think so concisely and so thoroughly, but then have that complete lack of moral distinction. It doesn't match. How can a creature make so many observances, then not understand, or at least, explain why they are so? I think to have them closer to creature than human is more apt.

I also think that the story would have been more effective if it was told in the present tense. In my head, it seems odd that a Dementor would 'remember' a previous event, if you get me. I think it would have been more realistic, and more powerful for things to be happening as you read it. More hard-hitting, really. The Dementors, as magical creatures rather than actual human beings, seem like they would just exist, rather than live, and it would seem more appropriate to have them 'in the moment', rather than reflecting.

The style of writing in the piece… I'm not sure about it. I found the majority of the sentences to be overly long - not poorly written, for some of the images were truly intense, and the descriptions were certainly evoking - but just over-done. I felt it was too much. It jarred with my understanding of how a Dementor 'thinks' - short, sharp sentences and gut feelings, rather than detailed observations. The writing was though-provoking, but not quite as effective as what it could have been. This paragraph, though, is amazingly powerful in its imagery and description:

His soul, a white, hazy, shapeless form slowly emerged from within this human’s disgusting mouth, which was now hanging open like an open gateway. It ascended like thick smoke and was starting to take on various shapes and sizes before I promptly drew it into my mouth, trapping it in me eternally—never to be free and always surrounded by darkness, just like its human body, which would remain an empty shell forever more.

Not only does the event sound exactly like how I had pictured it to be, but the last few lines are just wow; so morbid, so disturbing, but so powerful.

To me, there seemed to be several potential endings, marked by the switch in narrative (which I found distracting, and a tad unnecessary…) This line, which was so dramatic, so touching, and so powerful, could have been an ideal finish:

Quote:
“For my sins,” he managed to croak out, feeling his life drain out of him. And without another moment’s hesitation he pulled the trigger…

While I didn't like the switch between the Dementor and Adrien, I think it could have been left there, and ended with a bang.

As a general observance, I found the whole concept of the story to be terrifically original and intriguing. I hope my review doesn't sound too critical, as I really did enjoy reading this one-shot, and I think you are a truly gifted writer. You have amazing potential :)

~Emma~

Carole, this was a lovely fluffy piece; I really enjoyed reading it. I love your portrayal of Lavender, anyway, but I especially adored this pairing. Seamus is just so darn cute. However, I am here once again to Irish!pick, because I'm irritating like that. Irish people don't 'snog.' We 'meet' or we 'score.' So Seamus was either 'meeting' Lavender or 'scoring' her - not snogging :)

Author's Response: And there was me thinking you'd shout at me for having Seamus say 'Yer Man' at the end there (ha ha, I swear I wrote that and thought of you scowling). Hmm, now, you see in England - certainly - scoring means going a lot furthur than a bit of a kiss (not to mention the drug reference), so I might leave it. But if I ever get around to finding Seamus a woman of his own then I'll send it to you to Irish!Pick. Thank you for the review. ~Carole~

Hi Jess :)

The first thing that I noticed about the fic was the genuine and apt tone of the article; I thought it was incredibly realistic, and I could easily imagine seeing that small clipping in a newspaper. The style of the piece was very formal and very accurate, and I absolutely loved the small touches you interjected - the detail of the 'ancestral home' just seemed so fitting and exactly like a triviality in a journalism aspect - like the descriptive part of the interview before the dialogue, where the person and setting is described to set the scene.

At one stage, you used the term 'pure-bloodedness'. Perhaps it's just me, but it sounds a little odd. Would the term 'his pure blood status' sound more authentic?

I found the element of the alcohol loosing the tongue to be very funny. Because it's true, isn't it? And a very sly way of finding information, too, shall I add.

The idea of Isla as problem child is very interesting. It's fascinating to see another Black as a 'rebel', rather than just Sirius leading the revolt. It's also more probable, as with such a long line of intense, delusional fanatics, it's reasonable to imagine that there were some who didn't agree with the chauvinist regime. I also like how you've delved so far into such a minor character, and really explored her personality, characteristics and family relationships. I've never read a fic about Isla, but I really did enjoy your characterisation of her.

I really love Cygnus Black's indisputable, unfounded, blinded trust of a fellow pure-blood, because it's so exceptionally pragmatic. Cygnus has no true reason to trust Fredrick at all, simply the fact that his heritage is similar to his. I was delighted at the end of the fic to see his trust unrewarded ;)

I think you truly nailed the journalistic slant in the piece, Jess, which really aided Fredrick's characterisation. You had some really solid reporter phrases, such as 'sordid affair'. I mean, that phrase is always used in articles, isn't it? And not in an over-used, cliché fashion, but in a life-like way. Reports and articles always have those buzz words to really suck you in, and over-dramatise events to catch your eye. It's so simple, but I thought you handled that aspect of the story remarkably well.

I'll admit that I bore an instant dislike to Fredrick. To me, he seemed almost as fanatical as the Blacks, in the way that he seemed to whole-heartedly agree to everything Cygnus said. It's like their pure-blood radicalness is so infallible - the followers are indoctrinated and brainwashed. It's almost scary, really, that people can accept and abide by something so awful.

I thought your description of the level of repression in Isla's life was incredibly strong, and really tugged at my heart-strings. The fact that she was forbidden to learn Apparition is a really great example of her being controlled and suppressed to such an almost unthinkable level. I really felt an enormous amount of pity for Isla; you really conveyed the despair, the restrictions and the control in her life in a way that it really affected me.

Another particularly strong aspect of your story, Jess, was your description. It really blew me away, because of the sheer simplicity of it. None of it was over-the-top or intricately chronicled, yet at the same time, it was amazingly effective. Particularly this line:

The walls were draped in green silk, which shimmered when touched by the sunlight streaming into the windows.

This is absolutely beautiful; it's deceptively simple, yet rich in description, and it really creates a vivid scene in my head. I can imagine this room so clearly!

The fact that Fredrick dislikes Cygnus honestly came as a surprise to me. It's entirely possible that I misinterpreted it, but the way you'd described their previous interactions, I thought there was at least a deep-rooted civility/respect. However, that revelation made me like Fredrick more as a character :)

A quick nit-pick: some of your sentences were a little wordy, and I had trouble reading them smoothly. Nothing overly-traumatising, but it did mar the fluency of the piece for me. Even when I tried re-reading them aloud, I found myself tripping over them. I imagine that for some of them, there is a simpler way of saying them. The beginning of this sentence felt a little off to me, for example: Several ‘accidents’ had stemmed from conflicts involving him became legend, not the least of which was trying (and failing miserably) to curse some half-blood Gryffindor boy, who ended up casting an Itching Jinx in a very sensitive area.

'Typically, this is the point where Fredrick would start asking questions, but at the moment, he really preferred to be as far away from Dorian as he could get.' Is it just me, or should it be 'Typically, this was the point...'?

A slight qualm I had about the word minister for the matrimonial ceremony. Would there not be a more magical sounding position? The Binding Ceremony sounds distinctly magical, but minister is almost too... vague. I'm not entirely sure. The names JK uses for positions are very simple - Healers as the magical equivalent of doctors. Perhaps you could think of something to match minister, just to really enhance the magical aspect of the ceremony and differentiate it from the Muggle tradition?

My interest was definitely aroused towards the end of the piece - I thought the excitement of the fic really peaked to a great climax. Your plot was truly fantastic and original, and you maintained my interest throughout the entire piece, while making me second guess quite a lot, so well done :)

I'm not sure how valid this is, but when I researched Bob Hitchen's blood status, it said he was a Muggle, not a Muggleborn. I'm not sure how canon this piece of information is, and I'm sure you can argue the possibility of him being Muggleborn, but it did slightly bemuse me.

Isla refers to the kindness of the teachers - is the term professors more accurate, perhaps? I know that's really nit-picking, but I thought I'd mention it anyway >.>

Overall Jess, really well done! I immensely enjoyed reading this piece, and I loved how different it was to your other fics, and yet you really carried it off well. You should be proud of yourself :)

P.S. I told you I'd be nice ;)

--Emma

Author's Response:

Oh, Emma Emma Emma. Somehow, I thought I'd see you in this piece. Though I think you probably would have enjoyed Brazen more, I like that you picked this one. I needed your beta-cular eyes for this story, as I was a naugh-tay girl and submitted it unbetaed. Tsk tsk.

For the news article formatting, I actually read a couple tabloids while on my break at work, just so I could get the feel of a good line of gossip. I'm glad that it paid dividends. My periodical type writing has, IMO, improved quite a bit, so yay for that.

As for Isla being a problem child, she really wasn't so much of a problem as an embarrassment to the family. Instead of a quiet, obedient girl that they could marry off to some random member of wizard aristocracy, they get stuck with a twitchy girl who doesn't take kindly to the ribbing and ridicule that comes along with that affliction. She's really no more or less behaved than anyone else, but, to Cygnus, she's barely better than gum on the bottom of one's shoe because of it.

And then to Cygnus. I know that it seems odd that Fredrick doesn't like him, but seriously, kissing arse doesn't extend to actually having to like the man. He's a job, pure and simple. For the most part, he's harmless. Schmoozing with douchebags is a fact of life in journalism, corporations, and politics. 

Fredrick is different from most characters that I've made. He has his lamentable qualities, such as mild prejudice, but mostly, that isn't his fault. He was born into a family who was proud of their line, since they didn't have much else by the way of money. I do hold, however, that he is a decent human being, which is why he was moved by Isla's plight and compelled to dislike Cygnus.

Dorian, however, is just a bastard. He doesn't have much by the way of redeeming qualities, and I didn't want him to, either. Some men are just born wicked, and while he's no Voldemort (mainly because he's not smart enough), he's juuuuuuuust scary enough to keep people from poking around in his business. Marrying Isla is merely a means to an end, and the first wife kicked off because he had what he wanted from her and wanted more from someone else.  

And now on to Bob. While it's true that Robert Hitchens was listed as a 'Muggle' on the Black family tree, at the time, the pure-blooded stock did not consider Muggle-borns any better than their non-magical counterparts. It's up in the air as to whether he was a real Muggle, or a Muggle-born, since the Black family saw them both the same anyway.

I'm glad you liked the plot and all. At first, I was iffy about it. I wrote this in about 2 hours for the Weddings Challenge, mostly for the sake of having something to submit, but it actually turned out better than I thought it would.

And on to the nitpicks. Yes, its unbetaed form is rather rocky in spots, but it was the best I could do in a crunch. I agree with the 'pure-bloodedness' vs. 'pure-blooded status' part, because it does sound more...official (if that makes sense at all). Also, you're completely right about the sentence you pointed out being odd. I thought that I'd fixed that, but apparently, I didn't. lol Oops. I will also change the teachers/professors gaffe, since I have not entirely stamped out the Americanisms in my writing. 

The issue of Minister is a little different. The reason why I used this title is because it's a common title for those in power. Here is how I see a 'minister' in the Potterverse: He's not a holy man; he's an official of the Ministry of Magic, whose sole job is performing, documenting, and severing marriages. Since the magical population is relatively small, he can do all three. He also keeps track of births and deaths. I should probably clarify that a bit, but it's just something else which I can chalk up to knowing in my head but failing to get it down on the page. 

And, overall, I grade your SPEW review to be lovely. I'm thrilled that you chose to review me, though I am the featured author (gasp). Very well done, and your crit is well-put and constructive. I shall see you around soon, and go SPEW and go Ravenclaw!

hugs*

Jess

Awww, Nat! You're such a sweetheart! I LOVE IT. I love the sense of camaraderie, the easiness of the friendship, the teasing, the banter, and the transition into something more. It's light, but it's not pure fluff... just a treat to read, honestly, and such a wonderful birthday present! Thank you so much! LOVE YOU x

Author's Response: Hello!