Hey Jenna! First off, welcome back to SPEW. Glad to put your reviews under the "SPEW" section of my reviews again. ;) Second, I have been loyally waiting for this chapter, sitting on the deck of Tiramisu, occasionally petting the galley-dog Aska, and sometimes going over my "Reasons Why I Ship Lucius/Siobhan" list, before Captain Anna comes out and tells me that I missed a spot when I was swabbing the deck. Then, I get hard to work, and I start to wonder why I'm even bothering with this job as First Mate anyway. After all, I don't have to do it, so why should I?
Well, what comes to mind is how deeply involved I get with your characters. Siobhan, Lucius, Draco, Narcissa, even the house elves -- all of them get me involved with the story more than anything. The Draco/Siobhan dynamic put into this chapter was quite interesting. Is Siobhan finally able to tolerate Draco long enough to take a trip with him to Diagon Alley? Apparently so. Siobhan is still doing the teenage-crush thing? You betcha. But now, it is seemingly to grab more depth, with the Death Eater attack at Diagon Alley. Ahem, I wonder who that mysterious individual in the Death Eater get-up was, I have no clue, absolutely stumped... ;)
I must agree with the dearest Captain Anna, who recently reviewed chapter twelve as well, about the Draco becoming much more civil. I wonder if he might have taken Siobhan trying to avoid him as a cue that he needed to shape up and see that she was much more proud than he was, in places of their world. Very interesting, I am very glad that you worked that in. I'm also enjoying the fact that Siobhan is feeling guilt about her relationship with Lucius. She was enjoying the gifts from him, not Draco. Is she starting to like Draco...? Dare I say it? I think I just did. Very well done, dear. I'm more curious than ever.
Harry was very well characterized. As was Siobhan's responses. I nearly die laughing at this: "“Well, all the better reason to stay then!” Siobhan snapped sardonically." My only concern with this scene is that Katie is strangely calm. Either that's normal for her and she doesn't snap at pressure like this, or she is attacked by Death Eaters like this nearly every day. I can picture her normal day at home now... "Mum, isn't it a wonderful day? Maybe Harry can come over so we can...? Oh, never mind, the Death Eaters are sneaking through the forest on the side of the house. Time to execute normal procedure, let's get going..." But I digress.
My only other complaint in the chapter: “Good evening,” he said softly Needs a period. Besides that, everything is top-notch. Good job. :)
Wonderful was always, dear. My fanboy flag still is raised on the HMS Tiramisu's mast, and it was a thrilling installment. Draco seemed apparent to change for Siobhan, Siobhan is still involved with her affair with Lucius, and she was attacked by a "mysterious" Death Eater. “Draco told me you were attacked.” *scoffs*
Thanks for the review, Patrick. *hugs!!*
Jenna, this was fantastic. Utterly delicious. It was like eating tiramisu before choking on a bite and wondering why this is so difficult to swallow. Your chapters really do end at horrible places, dear. They keep me wanting more when I know it may be years until I get them. Fantastic, well written, and beautifully mapped out as always.
First off, I feel like I shouldn't even be giving you a review because you stole Anna. *cries* ME LOVES ANNA. HOW DARE YOU. Yes. *cough* But then again, you write Sins of the Father, so I am obliged to forgive you. Sort of. Yes, well, enough talk about that. Time to review, which will mainly consist of "GUH"s and "OMGLOVE"s. You, my dear, are either a very lucky person, or you just might have brilliance written down here. ;) Either way, it works, doesn't it? Yes, I believe it does, and now I shall stop my rambling and continue foward with this review. Unless you like the ramblings, which I believe you don't, so ONWARD!
I think this might be the most humourous chapter of the fic so far. I love the dialogue bit between Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Siobhan. I also loved this line, as it let's me feed on Tiramisu. How I missed the freshly made Tiramisu. *gobbles it down* :) Great job Jenna! Not one of my SPEW!worthy reviews, but... I just had to express how much I enjoyed it. :)
Hilarious; I love Remus's last line.
Author's Response: Thanks, good to hear that ^_^. Remus is the only marauder who can pull 'serious' and 'funny' at the same time. ^_^
Well, after all of the hype, I had to check this out- I was very curios to see what you have created. I did not waste any time reading your fic- I spent that moment engaged into Ninette's reality and dreams- exploring what you have written and taking that in.
I will start out with the things I love about your story- there is so many things! Where to start? Oh yes, Ninette. The OC that stands out in my mind- she seemingly has no hope, and she gets me to thinking- and I love that in a character. I also felt what she felt, and when she was sad, so was I- and she felt like an old friend, sort of how the trio feels to me- I am connected with her. Awesome job.
Examples of your wonderful character making its connection: "Ninette was frozen...." to "....only marzipan and sugar." This made me teary eyed- yes, a male, teary-eyed. That is a fantastic feat. A moment that made me cheer (literally, my dad though I went crazy) was "'What did she do?'...." to "'What did she do?'" I found I was so proud of her for braving up enough to face Aunt Edris.
Yes, Aunt Edris- what makes her character? What shaped her to think that way? I am really looking foward to seeing more of Aunt Edris and what she shall do in the future. I want to know more... and more. You will tell us, won't you? *big smile accompanied with Bambi eyes*
Now, since I must nitpick (I really enjoyed this though, so never mind this stuff), I have a few things that kind of bothered me.... First of all, I think that "marzipan shepardesses" should be "marzipan shepards". Unless they are all females- and even then- it should be "shepards". I also think you were "-" happy toward the beginning of the second sequence.
Anyway, don't worry about those few thinks that come from pickiness- your story of Ninette and Tonks (although from this review, just Ninette) has gotten me on a ride that I'm not willing to get off, which is deserving of a perfect ten.
I love your story; I will continue to read. Fabulous!
Author's Response: Thanks! I hope you continue to enjoy it. I sure enjoy writing it.
I think it was really good, and I want a new chapter really soon. For some reason it sounded really good; and I loved it. Thank you for writing it! :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much - i'm really glad you like it, and my second chapter is up, and the third soon to be submited! keep reading, and thanks for reviewing!
Author's Response: Thanks so much - i'm really glad you like it, and my second chapter is up, and the third soon to be submited! keep reading, and thanks for reviewing!
Really good, length doesn't really matter as long as it's intriguing, and yours certainly is!
It's funny, and you did a great job with it. Excellant!
Author's Response: Thanks!
Okay, not much to say, except I really liked Malfoy's actions toward the house elf- exactly like him. Great job! ;-)
Hi! First off, I am deeply sorry for not getting your review for my banner earlier. I feel horrible about it, but I guess the only thing I can really say now is "better late than never". Though I'm not especially fond of the phrase. Anyway, I guess I'll get to the actual review now, since you're not interested in my pathetic babble. *cough* Right, here we go.
First off, I'd like to say that your characterization of Draco is spot on. I really don't see that many convincing Draco's in the world as I'd like to. I was very intrigued on how you took the "Father views me as hardly anything" road. It's much better portrayed than most are able to make it, and you have a knack for inserting one of those little itty bitty details about the relationship between him and his father. For instance: An owl was perched on Draco's windowsill when he returned to his quarters that night. It was the owl his father had been using to send messages to Narcissa. Draco regarded it was curious eyes; he thought his father basically forgot he existed. This was discreetly mentioned, yet it glared like a pair of headlights. I also like the little things Draco does and says -- for instance, when he asked the girl for her "surname" -- perfect.
Throughout the time I was reading, it seemed like there were commas inserted everywhere that they could go. While that's a [big] exaggeration, there are a few places where I think it can be fixed. :) He also, definitely did not need the stares, the accusations and the inquiries again. Take out the comma after also, and I'd recommend taking out the definately to make it smoother. It seemed that their idea of "love" was very different from those families Draco had to witness every year on platform 9 3/4. But the youngest Malfoy was a stranger to his thing called "love" — so much that it didn't look like it bothered him. Platform 9 3/4 is a proper noun, so it should be capitalized. I'd also take out "But the youngest" in the second sentence. It's a good sentence with a good thought behind it; it just needs a bit of polishing. :) He had to keep up his impression. This is a little awkward -- maybe make it "He had to maintain his dignity"? Also, down in the letter from Lucius -- "The Ministry" is also a proper noun, and it should be capitalized. His supply list was tucked neatly into the cover of the top book, Standard Book of Spells, Grade 7 That's missing a period. :)
"Y-yes Master D-Draco?" the sniveling pathetic off-balance creature asked the blonde wizard in front of him. Tipsy was dressed in the customary sack, which had various spills and stains on it, and was struggling to stand without swaying. First off, both snivelling and pathetic should have a comma after them. Eliminate the comma after sack, and there should be a he/she between and and was. Tipsy's such an awesome name for a house elf. It's amusing that he's almost always tipsy, since, well, his name is Tipsy. It sounds like such a house elf name. With all these y's at the end of their names, imagine the possibilites... [ew, I just did not think of "Kinky the house elf"].
This was really good. I absolutely adore it, in fact, since it's such a brilliant fic, I insist you update immediately. >.> Please? :D [Ignore my babble, I'm such a rambler...]
Most excellant- I really enjoyed it and it makes me want more. Some of my favorite lines:
--Again, he wasn’t the least bit surprised. Instead, he just smiled back polite as he always was, knowing that his calm appearance would tick off his messenger even more.
Gives a tiny bit of comic relief- very nice.
--The door opened with a horrible screech, sending chills down his spine. A large hooded figure appeared in the doorway: Lord Voldemort.
If I wasn't paying full attention before, this certainly kept my attention.
--He smiled confidently as Voldemort raised his wand at him and spoke the words he had been waiting for. Soon, very soon he would be at his side as one of the most powerful wizards. But until then… a white flash and darkness.
The very end- and what an ending it was. I like the "white flash and darkness" bit, made the next section more intriguing.
Overall, very good!
Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you liked it.
Mind you, the next chapters will probably be more lighthearted, but the last few chapters, I'm aiming for this feel.
Thanks again.
Yay, my first review :)
*stops laughing, wipes tears away* That was absolutely hilarious, and I would most definately like to have a sequel. You did a fantastic job!
Author's Response: Thanks a lot! I am planning to do a sequel, kind of an aftermath thing.
Nice plot, I really think it flowed quite well. It is funny and amusing too, so that's a plus. The only thing that concerned me was that I don't think Hermione would have left anything out of the plan out, the part where she didn't think how to find the witch. A little OOC if you ask me. But still, it was a good story and I hope you keep it up! -TheVanishingAct
Author's Response: Yeah, I know it was out of character for Hermione not to think about finding the witch. But remember, she was really eager to show the boys that the Titanic is interesting, and also she was annoyed with Ron. That might have stalled her brain a little bit...
Thanks for your positive input!
Hey Orlaith! This, by far, is one of the best fics about Merope I've read. Merope seems helpless enough, but when she has a will to do something, she'll try and do it. You stated that she'll go to the window to look at the Squire's son, which is showing part of her character. I'm glad you showed it!
There was only one little bit that I didn't see; when you say "star at a star", shouldn't it be "stare at a star"? Besides that one little nitpick, I found it quite good and I am really hankering for the next chapter. Keep it up! :)
I like it. I agree with the nutty imp; I can see Hermione doing something school-related to find out something such as that. Short but sweet, and really gives you a warm feeling. I notice no real error; and, of course, that made reading it even better. Nice job!
Author's Response: Thanks, Pat. :) Now that it\'s been almost 3 years, I\'m finally responding.
Where to start?
Ah well- I'll just start with a few good things. "Parvati is halfway though her meal..." to "...She cannot ask. For Padma's sake." is my favorite paragraph in the whole fic; showing the parents of the twins and how they would react is a great touch and an inside look at their homelife and how things are there, but also their reaction to something like this in general- insight is great in any way, shape or form, and you certainly delivered it.
Repitition is my absolute favorite thing to see in any piece of writing. You brought it home. I thank you for that- "For Padma's sake" is repeated many times, and it works. I should say that it also shows Parvati's love and devotion towards her sister.
Off to nitpickiness land *sighs*. First thing's first: "She wants the Padma whose world won't shatter if she, Parvati, is angry or sad." I think it contradicts what has been said already; whenever Parvati was mad or sad, she never told Padma, afraid her world would shatter. I also think you should add a HBP spoiler warning, since there is one in there (the part where Parvati talks about how she and Lavender soaked up a pillow each, and talks about this person).
However, I think it's awesome. Great job with everything.
I honestly did try to put in an HBP spoiler. But my computer is a mac and somehow my keyboard won't allow me to select two warnings without selecting everything in between. I decided to put the ED warning because I figured that it's more important to warn about the sensitive issue. I do have "HBP Spoilers" in bold in my summary. Hopefully people do see that. But you're absolutely right, there should be a warning.
On the one sentence that seems contradictory to you: Parvati hasn't been able to be open/emotional in front of Padma for a long time. She misses being able to talk to her sister without worrying about it. She wants to go back to the relationship they once had. I tried to show this over the passage of time with the scenes on the train. In the early years, Parvati could be upset without shattering Padma's world. I'm sorry if I didn't make that clear. *makes mental note to go look at it*And finally, thank you again for reviewing.
So, after hearing that a sequel/second chapter of For Padma's Sake would be written and up, I was excited. After all, For Padma's Sake is undoubtably your best work [but this isn't meant to bring anything else you've written down -- all of it is fantastic, as my numerous reviews express quite a many times]. So, after waiting a bit, we recieve the sequel , and possibly something that possibly rivals For Padma's sake in terms of utter brilliance. I'm in awe of your writing talent, m'dear. I don't know how you do it.
The imagery seems to flow from your fingertips; it's sometimes elaborate, sometimes very simple, yet it is always used in good taste. Parvati. Parvati is on her stomach, body draped across her bed, clenching the edges of her pillow with either hand as she sobs and screams. She is constant motion. Paravti is aching, crying, screaming, fighting. This shows exactly how you can gives us a picture that normally, we wouldn't think of -- that constant motion bit -- and it shows the depth of even the simple adjectives we do think of, but don't realize it until you paint the picture for us -- she is aching, crying, screaming, and most of all -- fighting. I love your choice of words in this portion. And everywhere else, but I think that's a given. ;)
And you bring back one of the things that hammered For Padma's Sake in our heads -- the refrain! Who could ever forget those haunting, chilling words and the breathtaking imagery and the heart-ripping emotions? Certainly not me, for after I read and noticed the refrain [which, admittedly, took a little while], I recalled that you used the same brilliance you did when writing For Padma's Sake. Parvati crumbles, and Padma does not know what to do. She is paralyzed by disbelief. Unable to feel and unable to stop feeling. Because of Parvati. And once again, imagery, refrain, and emotion play a big role in getting your point across. This is a brilliant way to hammer in our heads that it is unpleasant, that the world is not only falling for Parvati, but for Padma as well.
The subject matter of Because of Parvati isn't as deeply cutting as For Padma's Sake. It doesn't have as real of a quality. We see the sisters, their connection, and their loyalty to one another, and we see that they both use a similar approach when dealing with the other's situation. However, using a real world issue in a Harry Potter fanfic is rare, and I think that plus your fantastic handling of a sensitive subject [and let's not forget the talently placed story and it's imagery] helped make it so popular. Plus it's written by an extremely capable writer, so that helps. ;) I think this feels disconnected in a way. Not to say that it's horrible, because it's way up there in the fandom, but to say that while it does give a few passing mentions that Padma has a problem, it feels like it doesn't have the heart For Padma's Sake did.
But Good Lord, it is brilliant.
I like how Parvati is Padma's anchor; in For Padma's Sake, Parvati wants to help Padma, wants to do something to let Padma know that she is and will always be there for her. However, when seeing it from Padma's perspective, we see that Parvati has done so much more than she had ever realized: She kept Padma anchored. And in Parvati's moment of weakness, when her anchor has abandoned her and she is lost floating at sea, she cannot continue.
She shatters. The moment we see that they are nothing without the other.
I could elaborate on and on, but as I'm trying to keep my reviews shorter [is it working?], I'm wrapping up here. Lian, you're brilliant, this is brilliant, everything you write is brilliant; I guess, in one word, I'd describe you as brilliant. And let's remember -- this review is for Padma's sake. /bad joke
This was absolutely hilarious. It's rare that we see something like this, and I am absolutely thrilled by it. The way Pince and Filch bounced off from each other by their dialogue was brilliant -- especially funny is the fact that they were trying to be someone they are not at the beginning. Eventually, there was a hitch in their plans for each other... but still, hilarious all the same. Good job!
Author's Response: Thank you! You know, when I read HBP, I don't think I picked up my eyes from the words, except when Harry introduced the possibility of a Filch/Pince ship. I'm grateful for the high praise you've given me on this. Again, thank you so much!
Ashley! I finally managed to scramble up spare time to come and review you! I've been meaning to for ages, it was just that... well, better late than never, don't you think? This was the fic that converted me to Harry/Hermione. I think it really does deserve high praise, really. Well... I guess that's why I'm here reviewing in the first place. Oi! Enough of my ramblings. I guess what I'm trying to say: You have a wonderful story here, and it feels like I know Phantom of the Opera all the way through.
Now, I picked this particular chapter because I think that transition chapters- which are usually more used to speed up plot than story-telling- are really hard to read and have fun with. You, however, not only had a transition chapter, but a very nice one at that. It wasn't chopped full of action, but it was enjoyable. A few of my favourite lines: "“It was a present from Harry before he left,” she murmured, her heart falling at the memory." This is sweet- very sweet, and shows her dedication to Harry. Her innocent love. ;) "They spoke about wizarding politics, the decreasing number of wizards, the dragon hunting laws, and the new Minister of Magic. They never spoke of the past; there was no reminiscing between the two." This line got me thinking- they are alike in some ways. Not many, no... but they are dedicated to a cause and smart. Harry, for instance, probably wouldn't be speaking with Hermione about things such as those. Snape, on the other hand, would, as he'd be the sort to appreciate and understand those items. I think you're trying to convey to us that Snape is much more suited for Hermione than Harry was- which makes Hermione feel confused. Ooh! I get shivers from even thinking that way. :)
Now, I know that you're fabulous at characterization and making things seem so real- and I'll get a few excerpts in a minute I found particularly enjoyable for that reason- but I do think that this one line seemed to not be in character: " For a while this made her uncomfortable, but she grew to enjoy his attention. She worked harder to impress him, and he doted on her in recognition." Now, I understand that the rest of this chapter would be out of the blue if you didn't say this, but I think there could have been a more subtle approach that would have put the readers in a bit more of a shock mode. Only one more nit pick that I found before I splatter fanboy love on you again: "She had a hard time believing he had just died, it couldn’t be a coincidence, but she couldn’t prove anything." Does this seem rather off to you? It made me stumble as I was reading and I had to reread it over again a few more times before I carried on.
As I said before, you are a master at characterization and nailing how everyone and everything would fit into place if such-and-such happened. Two of these lines we're so like the characters I was knocked into the back of my seat, particularly blown away. " The way he looked at her, it gave her a feeling of being appreciated. Something she had never felt in her life.":~~~:"“Silly girl,” he spat, “he isn’t returning. You know that!”" And to think... he still sees her as a silly girl, even after growing particularly fond of her! It was a perfect moment to put a bit of Snape "in love" into your chapter, and you took full advantage of it. Way to go!
Now, before I wrap my review up, I must give you some of my comments of a few lines that were fantastic. "It wasn’t like working with her former Potions professor; it was as if he were someone completely different." This is really a good line to write, as it explains why Hermione was spending a bit more time with him (and the fact that she's obligated to as well). "They saw each other less and less, only during that one day a week, and during meals, but Severus Snape hardly ate with the staff if he could help it." Snape turning into the Phantom, eh? C'mon, we know it's coming. ;) "The feeling wasn’t the same innocent love she had felt for Harry, though; this seemed darker, more exotic." Good girls go for bad boys... of course. I've seen it only a few times though it's been classified as cliche. You work it as much as you can, because, it is working for ya! "Hermione was drawn to a man she couldn’t care for; Snape was trying to ensnare a young woman who wouldn’t give up her past." My favourite line. Speaks more than you'd think- all the future possibilities! (Of course, when I hadn't read the rest of your fic). ;)
Well, there's no going back now! I'm ready for the rest to fanboy- squee all over. Possibly drool, but I can't guarantee it. :D