Reviewer: hestiajones Signed
Date: 12/14/09 Title: Chapter 1: Cauchemar

Here I come, as promised.

Julia, Julia, Julia! I am sorry, but this will not be one of the better reviews you have received for your poetic skills. This is because I know next to nothing about meters and consistencies and @#$@#%$3 about poetry. Lol! However, I can write about an author’s portrayal of emotions and her subject matter, and that is exactly what I will do.

I think one could write one-shots on Harry’s demons post-Hogwarts Battle. And one could certainly tell tales of Ginny helping him recover, acting as the balm that soothes the pains that have gone deeper beyond the skin. But you achieved that in a compact, beautifully written sonnet.

Yet he refuses to see and spurns my hope

Harry and his heroic sufferings actually don’t tire me. I know many fans call him names for his hero-complex, but I honestly admire Harry in spite of it. The thing is, he doesn’t see it as glorious – he is just so damn mechanical about the whole thing, so detached despite the fact that his identity will never be separate from it. Even more admirable to me is his vulnerability – one that springs from love. And this vulnerability is so intimately connected with his strength, and that, perhaps, is the thing which fascinates me most about Harry.

I noticed you put a “Mental Disorder” warning, but actually I didn’t notice that in the poem. This may be partly due to my FAILNESS at poetry, but I don’t see any reason why it can’t be read as Harry struggling with the memories of the war. Anyway, this is how I interpreted it:

In your poem, we hear nothing from Harry. We are told of his nightmares and fears. Yet, it doesn’t misrepresent him, and neither does it grasp at straws to salvage it. It tells me of Harry as he is, and I love it.

I am here, I tell him, Ginny, your wife
Do not dwell on death, accept our new life!

Light. That is what Ginny is. But not a ray, nor a torch – a blinding force of light that spreads around the vicinity. These lines effectively sum up her character. Her optimism, her strength, and her loyalty are clearly visible.

Apart from your good grasp of Rowling’s character, and canon sensibilities, there were some other things I really liked. The title itself was not only intriguing, but quite fitting. I also loved the “Titian locks,” even though they made me think of a different Ginny. The one in my mind has long, and rather straight red hair. But there is a sensuality, a certain softness about Titian’s women that I find engaging, and to put Ginny in such a mould is refreshing.

All in all, great job!

~Natalie.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review, Natalie! I have to admit when I first started reading it I had this horrible feeling that you hated the poem. But you didn't! I am so relieved that you are like me and admire Harry for his hero-complex and vulnerability. It's sometimes hard to believe that someone can dislike Harry for all his faults and weaknesses and strengths yet remain a fan of the entire series. You are totally correct about Ginny. She is a light. I really wanted to portray that. But she is still human and all this darkness must get to her which is why I wanted that feel of helplessness in the poem. Again, thank you for this review. Now I'll be able to go into work with a smile on my face! -Julia XD

Reviewer: hestiajones Signed
Date: 12/08/09 Title: Chapter 1: The Dawn

Wow!

I mean, you made me *tear* this early in the morning (early for me!), and on a hungry stomach too.

Mmm…where do I start, now? I loved everything about it, even the 2000 that I missed. Lol. No, seriously, I’m amazed you managed to write something so beautiful when you were bogged down by RL. And you sailed right through without beta-ing. Brilliant!

*cough I will soon run out of adjectives if I continue in this vein cough*

I have always wanted to know what Ron was doing at that time in Shell Cottage. Yes, it’s safe to assume that he was repenting, he does say he was, but what was the extent of his remorse? Was he still under the delusion that Hermione preferred Harry? Was he still angry with Harry? How did he cope with all that, considering he had “the emotional range of a teaspoon”?

And you explained and described everything for the reader. He didn’t have an easy time with it, more so because he’s not used to feeling so much. Because he doesn’t want to feel so much. And yet, he’s there, questioning and forcing himself to face his personal demons. It doesn’t help that Bill and Fleur are snuggling in the sofa, reminding Ron that if he hadn’t been so foolhardy, he’d have had his love all to himself.

I like how you made him remember Hermione. The glances, the harmless touching – that is just so typical of them. Lol! They wouldn’t fly into each other and start kissing like Ginny and Harry. And also that he felt guilty about Harry – he should.

My favorite part was:

“Ron had finally understood how a person could feel so many things at once. He could be jealous of his brother for catching the girl of his dreams in domestic bliss…he could be utterly in love with someone whom he was sure now would never speak to him again…he could be guilty beyond words for an action taken in anger…he could be horrified at his own being for his capacity to hurt another person...he could feel a determination like no other to somehow make it right.”

And:

“He allowed himself one Christmas present…to think about Hermione as if she might still look at him like she did before he left. Hints of something, glances when she thought he wasn't looking, brushes of hands when it wasn't necessary. Opportunities he hadn't taken for his own lack of courage and for Harry's sake.

He was convinced now that they were gone because of what he'd done, though he had fleeting moments of hope. He allowed himself those, the daydreams of Hermione throwing herself into his arms and kissing him with passion at their reunion. The other ones involved her vicious birds, or terrible words, or the worst of all…that she had sought comfort and solace through Harry.”

Because they are just so quintessential Ron.

Bravo, my friend. Full marks!

~Natalie.

P.S. You are turning me into a fluffball. *glares*

Author's Response:

OMGOSH HOW DO I RESPOND TO THIS?! Okay, top down:

It still tickles me pink that you like this story so much. I haven't spent enough time with it to decide how I feel about it yet, but everyone seems to really like it and it makes me deliriously happy. Like, my brain can't absorb it. I'll even put up with the 2000 thing, which I don't think you'll ever let me live down...

I feel like...I know inside MY head how Ron feels during this time, but describing it? Without it sounding TEEN!SOB!ANGSTY! or just plain confusing and overwhelming or completely not making any sense seemed really difficult to me at first. But ROXY I learned something after all!! :D Because apparently it was coherent and made some sort of sense.

And I like those parts, too. Everyone keeps saying my favorite part as well, the first quote you mention, which of course obliquely references the "emotional range of a teaspoon" thing.

Oooh full marks from Natalie!!! And I'm Romance!Fluff!Queen, so my twin has to like it some. AND this was my first story in D/A. So you are rubbing off on me.

Love your twin,

Amanda

Reviewer: hestiajones Signed
Date: 12/23/09 Title: Chapter 1: Mum's the Word

Wow, Maureen!

This was so beautiful. You had me crying again at office. *glares*

I wish I could say more, but…what is there to say except that I loved everything about it?

Merry Christmas!

~Natalie.

Author's Response:

Hellooo Natalie!

Oh dear. This made you cry, too? Dear, oh dear. I had no idea this would reduce so many people to tears! Still, at least they were tears of (hopefully) happiness. I shudder to think I'd make readers miserable at THIS (or any) time of year.

*chuckle*

I'm so very happy you approved of the way the fic portrayed Harry and Molly's familial declarations to each other. I didn't want to make it too sad. Or intoduce too much humour (that may have not been appropriate for this particular fic), come to think of it - the subject matter and time period in which the fic was set (so soon after Fred's death) needed a bit more gravity than slapstick would have given it.

Thanks for supporting me with such a lovely review, m'dear. You're a wee (Christmas) star :)

All the very best to you and yours over the Christmas season,

Maureen :o)

Reviewer: hestiajones Signed
Date: 09/22/10 Title: Chapter 1: The Strait Gate

Hello Derek!

Well, well, well. This was certainly something new; I’m not sure if I’ve read anything like this in fanfiction before.

No, I haven’t, actually.

OCs are definitely a hard sell, but I feel that they are so much more challenging to write. How do you begin? Where do you begin? You’re entrusted with creating a believable human character, and to make that person interesting enough to read about. Too often, people think it is easy to do this, thereby producing scores of…well, Mary Sues and Gary Stus. OCs take time to build, mainly because an individual is a complex thing to build.

You crossed that hurdle smoothly, and believe me, if I had read this story a little earlier, I’d definitely have nominated it for a QSQ in two categories, at least. That was the one thought which kept playing in my mind the whole time I was reading it: why haven’t many people noticed this before? Perhaps, it is the fact that it is an OC-based story; perhaps, the disturbing horrors contained in the story put them off. Which is sad, really, because it deserves a chance.

I wouldn’t say I related to Yvonne, and that is neither a good thing nor a bad thing. The most important thing is, I found her real. I found her believable. She had her own quirks, her own idiosyncrasies. Her reflections on music, novels – pop culture in general were amusing to read. The thing that I enjoyed the most is her balance between the Muggle world and the magical world. I’ve always been somewhat disappointed at how this area has never been explored in fanfiction, so I was pretty much excited to see you portraying that. And it wasn’t just there for decoration; her being a Muggle-born and still in tune with that part of her life play a vital role in the story.

The second thing I loved about this story was the horror aspect. I don’t mind reading/watching horror – well, I don’t like obvious mindless bloodbaths like the Wrong Turn or Hostel movies, but I like my ‘scary’ things to have a bit of a soul, a bit of a meaning, and a bit of a purpose. The girl in the bus, the experience of the extracted memory, the witnessing of Archer’s death – every instance was written well without being overdone. I suppose it might make people queasy if I said that I enjoyed a big bowl of pasta while reading all of that. *shrug*

The third aspect which lent substance to this story was the theme of religion. Now, I’m not Christian, so I was somewhat unfamiliar with most of the Biblical references, but thankfully, I got the gist behind them. I actually expected this right from the start, this inclusion of religious elements mainly because you start each chapter with a quote from the Book of Matthew; the title was pretty much telling as well. But I like how you left it open-ended, and not didactical or self-explanatory. Omniscience as an idea has always made me feel uncomfortable, and it was jarring to see some of my fears coming alive in this story.

Fourth…ahhh! You used the wizarding world so well in this fic, and presented it from a completely different angle. I like how everything was written so matter-of-factly. The Department of Mysteries, which sounded creepy before, became even more bizarre here. There are so many details to talk about here, to be honest – the arrest of the Muggle-borns, the Longbottoms, etc. I shall say that they were cleverly worked into the overall plot of the story, and let that suffice!

Last, but certainly not the least, your prose is rather good. It is fluid, fluent and effortless. I think that alone can make a story in many cases, and added a lot of quality to this particular story.

The only thing which I thought of as a tad anomalistic was a change in track in the fourth chapter. Yvonne undergoes a series of hallucinations after she wakes up, through the bus ride, and up to her arrival at her apartment. Although things aren’t yet normal, I was surprised by her level-headed, undisturbed conversation with Christine. That changes soon, of course, when she goes into the kitchen, and things take a turn in the shower. But that period in between seemed a little too normal. Or was the presence of somebody who had some idea of her situation causing the apparent normalcy? I wonder.

I am glad Gina directed me towards this story. I must confess that I am myself guilty of ignoring OC-based fics most of the time, and I don’t think I’d ever have read it if it hadn’t been for her recommendation. I seriously had a great time reading it, and it deserves a lot more than six reviews.

Well, seven, counting mine.

See you around the boards!

~Natalie.

Author's Response: It's a narrow line to walk when creating an original character. On the one hand, you spend all this time coming up with who they are and all the things that make them unique and interesting, so naturally you want to show all that off. On the other, for the character to not be an overwhelming force in the story they need to be well-integrated into the universe, which means showing a lot of respect for the source material and letting your original creation take a back seat once in a while. That's a tough thing to do – downplay something you created that is obviously awesome – and I think it's one of the big reasons that 'Original Character' is almost synonymous with 'Mary Sue' in many people's eyes.

In making Yvonne, my main goal was to have her come across as a real person, who had to have enough depth and weight to carry the whole story. I wanted her to have the same believability as a person as the whole Harry Potter setting has a its own little universe. I'm not sure she's completely relatable – her motivations are pretty closed-off, for most of the story – but I was doing a bit of experimenting with bait-and-switch in reader expectation: Yvonne's first set up to be the archetype of the headstrong intelligent girl that falls for the older damaged man, and then the regular person who gets in too deep into something she doesn't understand but has to keep pressing on, but she's really neither of those things in the end. I aimed to let people make their own judgements about her, I think, and I tried my best to distract readers into thinking down the wrong path, like. I hate reading anything where I've got the main character figured out from the first five pages, you know?

Horror is an interesting thing, as a genre. When people say 'horror', they're usually talking about a class of films filled with gore, jump-scares, and little else. This obviously transfers terribly to writing, for the simple fact that you have to take time to describe the horrible beastie about to leap from the shadows, where a film can do it all in a handful of frames. There's this other class of horror films, though, that's usually very tame by comparison in terms of content, but are filled with such a constant tension that you almost wish something bad would just happen so the tension would break – stuff like Psycho, The Shining, The Ring, anything David Lynch directed – and that's just perfect for text. The growing dread, the creeping sense that everything is going horribly, horribly wrong, and the ability to describe unsettling concepts and not have them dampened by a poor special effects budget... it's why Lovecraft is still popular today and why so many writers borrow liberally from his ideas, I think.

It's a shame people shy away from religion in general in the HP fandom (possibly out of fear of offending people?), especially since the last book is so obviously full of Christian allusions. However, just because Harry, the saviour of the wizarding world, going through a sacrificial death and rebirth, does that mean that DH is pushing its readers to accept the word of Jesus Christ? Of course not. Religious symbolism, like any symbolism, can just an element of telling a good story. I purposely took quotes from the Sermon on the Mount as far out of context as I possibly could, just to show that although a story can talk about religion, that doesn't automatically make the content religious.

The fandom doesn't like to stray too far from Hogwarts, it seems. Understandable, since the majority of the books are set there, but the thing that makes the Harry Potter series stand out from other modern fantasy stuff is how fully-realised the world is, how complete and real it seems. It's more than just the magic school, it feels like there's a whole magic community out there, and I like the stories that focus on different parts of it. We know about life at Hogwarts – what's life like at St. Mungo's, or the Ministry, or Diagon Alley, or any one of a dozen other places? I like writing where I can explore parts of the canon we don't see that much of, and Yvonne became a nice cross-section of some of the aspects that interested me – magical professionals, Muggle-borns, students slightly removed from the Trio's era at Hogwarts, the Department of Mysteries (which I am perpetually fascinated by and will always write into a story, given the opportunity)... things like that.

Thanks for taking the time to review, glad you liked it. I seem to get a lot of reviews that have sentences beginning with things like 'I don't normally like/read X, but...' and I consider that the highest of praise.

Reviewer: hestiajones Signed
Date: 02/08/10 Title: Chapter 1: Aberforth Dumbledore and the Enchanted Goat

Carole, I really loved this one. You do know how I have always itched to know what was up with Aberforth and goats, and I am so glad someone at least decided to get to the bottom of it.

I loved how you wrote Aberforth and Dumbledore here. Aberforth with his raw humour and recklessness, and Albus with his dry humour and...ability to set things right - they were done very nicely.

Apart from those two, I also loved the invisible editor who kept appearing via his/her notes. Haha! I really loved that line:

[Editors Note: Keep that in. I don’t think any ‘flibberty-gibbet girls’ read Stirring, anyway.]

That was plain funny.

Well, great entry and good luck!

~Natalie.

Author's Response: Thank you, Natalie. Well, it's a daft one, but was fun to write, so we'll see.

Reviewer: hestiajones Signed
Date: 02/08/10 Title: Chapter 1: The Bacchus Book

Carole!

Oh, how I laughed when I read this the first time. And it was no less hilarious when I gave it another read. It's wonderful how you managed to use the prompt so well, and yet keep the characters IC in spite of the craziness. And the letter to Caramac Cloggan was priceless!

BTW, I love your Kappas.

Thanks for such a wild and funny story.

~Natalie.

Author's Response: Thank you. It was a bit daft, but then that's what listening to magic books and dressing in toga's does to a girl ... *ahem* ~Carole~

Reviewer: hestiajones Signed
Date: 02/17/10 Title: Chapter 1: On A Saturday

Alright.

I shall begin at the beginning. :D

The first thing that got my attention was how you paid homage to the column. I don’t know if any of the rest of us did that. It was different and it had a great association with the prompt: The Stirring column used to be popular at one time.

Then, you took us to the Weasleys, my favourite family in the world of fiction. Normally, we don’t get to read much of the Weasleys before Harry entered their lives, and I was happy to grab this opportunity to experience that. Charlie being close to Bill is something we see in canon, but added a dimension to it: Charlie’s too humble to think he was as important to his older brother as it was the other way round. I found that interesting.

Your characterization of the mysterious Weasley brother was impressive; I think Charlie is the only one who the readers don’t know much about, who we don’t even meet that often. But your words breathed life into him. He always came across as an outdoor-type in the books, and it made sense to have him suffering with a desk-job. C’mon! A dragon-keeper would never be able to connect with a book-keeper’s life; and yet, there he was, because he was a Weasley, and for a Weasley, family comes first.

I’d have loved to see more of his relationship with Oliver, because I think that was the core theme of this fic. (Please correct me if I am wrong.) As a standalone, I am not sure how much justice it did to Charlie/Oliver, but as an introduction, you can count me as a fan who’s waiting for more.

Happy writing!

~Natalie.

Author's Response: I'm very relieved that you liked Charlie; he has always been one of the Weasleys who fascinated me most, because (as you said) we hardly know anything about him at all... he was a brilliant Seeker and a Dragon Keeper (and I'm a rhymer, apparently), and JKR never had him marry - but that's it. I've been a fan for a while now, and I thought it was time I wrote a story about him myself. I'm very very anxious to get everything right...

You're right - the first chapter is more of an introduction really. The relationship fluff and society angst are yet to come, but they will. I didn't want to make this first chapter too long though, for several reasons (one of them being that I still have something to write about in later chapters :D)

Thank you very much for your great review :)

Reviewer: hestiajones Signed
Date: 02/14/10 Title: Chapter 1: The Mind of Arthur Weasley

Wow!

That was a very good character study of one of my favourite fictional fathers of all time. All the others were kept in character, and you even managed to dwell upon their quirks in a compact one-shot.

There were a few punctuation errors (missing commas, and then missing semi-colons), but apart from that, I loved this one-shot. It's going straight to my favourites. :D

~Natalie.

Author's Response: Punctuation is my major weakness (as the many rejections this story had will testify). It would be a lot worse if it weren’t for my wonderful beta’s. -N-

Reviewer: hestiajones Signed
Date: 02/24/10 Title: Chapter 1: Mistletoe Kisses

Hey, Neil!

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this one-shot. I thought you wrote Neville really well, and you made good use of the first-person narrative to portray his character - the hesitations, the sense of humour, the unadulterated honesty, all of them trademark Longbottom.

Moreover, your approach to the prompt was a pleasant surprise. Instead of telling an exclusive story of his first love (Ginny), you tied that part of his life with his present. The contrast could be seen.

I am also happy that there were no shortcomings on the writing side of things - a very clean read without many punctuation errors, except for one:

Meanwhile, Ginny and her Harpies teammates have joined the fray; Ginny never liked Romilda she made that very clear to me last year.

Perhaps, you could make it:

Meanwhile, Ginny and her Harpies teammates have joined the fray. Ginny never liked Romilda; she made that very clear to me last year.

as the last two parts are independent clauses.

Except for that nitpick, I think the story made a fantastic entry. (Though, I'm sure you were trying to credit Apurva, not Elene, in your End Notes. :p)

~Natalie.

Author's Response: Natalie I've had two punctuation errors pointed out to me. I've hastily corrected them both, but I may take yet another look at this. Alas, I was trying to credit Elene (sorry Elene) she betaed this for me. Apurva is providing me with feedback on "Fred and George's Busy Day." So I was half right. No, actually, I was completely wrong. oops. My approach to another of the prompts probably breaks the submission rules. We'll see. Thasnks for the review. Neil

Reviewer: hestiajones Signed
Date: 03/03/10 Title: Chapter 1: Masked/Unmasked

Gina!

Even though I am not a Ginny/Draco fan, I still loved this little one-shot. It was good to see such an impossible love story being developed in ways other than, "Oh didn't you know? They always had the hots for each other?" /snark.

Seriously, though, that conversation at the end was great - it showed the two characters' insecurities nicely. And both Draco and Ginny were written well.

Good luck!
Natalie.

Author's Response: Natalie! My belated thanks for the review! I'm not a Ginny/Draco fan either, I still can't believe I wrote a non-canon pair, lol. But hopefully I found a unique way to bring them together. And really, in my mind, it doesn't work out and they both end up with their respective spouses, so it could still be canon. ;) I'm glad you enjoyed the conversation at the end, I was worried it was a bit too vulnerable for Draco especially. Thank you for reading this story, I really appreciate the review! ~Gina :)