Hello, Carole!

You know, I was very pleased to see that you’d written a Bill/Fleur fic. Having read Acorns (which was a lovely story; I believe it was one of the first stories I’d read on the site, actually), I’ve always wanted to read more of this pairing by you, because you write it so well. And I think, in this story, you took it to a whole new level, so it’s a shame it hasn’t got as many reviews as some of your other works, because this is definitely another story of yours that is going on my favourites list.

Okay, I will admit that I was only convinced of Bill/Fleur when I reached the end of HBP, so I loved your take on the pairing before their big moment, or, rather, Fleur’s big moment regarding looks, and how she doesn’t care about them. I’ve always wondered exactly how Bill and Fleur met and got together, and I do think part of it was to do with looks. Bill and Fleur were both good-looking people, and I think your description of them was excellent. My favourite line was definitely this one: His eyes are blue, like hers, except not at all the same. Hers, she’s been told, sparkle like ice diamonds, arctic blue. His are darker, warm - if that is possible for a cold colour. They brim with laughter and tease with promise.

The contrast between them even there, so early on in the story, is wonderful, and it shows, perhaps, how well they complement each other. It also makes the whole concept of love at first sight believable. On that subject, I thought the premise of the story was a really interesting one, especially considering your opinions about love at first sight. I’ve never been one to be convinced at that, so it was a great idea to explore, and I think you did it well. I liked the use of the expression “coup de foudre” (and I’m glad you provided the translation, because even though I’m learning French, I wouldn’t have understood it at first) especially considering everyone’s reactions to Fleur in canon, how they were starstruck by her.

I also thought that their attraction to each other was made more plausible because their relationship didn't start particularly smoothly. The awkwardness in the restaurant was written very well, and I couldn’t help but feel very sorry for Bill for having chosen a bad place to eat, and Fleur, too. But I also liked how that situation was turned around and how it became a good thing in the end, for them, especially when they kissed. That was very sweet, not to mention romantic :)

I thought the style in which this was written, from beginning to end, was very good. One thing I loved was the use of the short sentences at the start to describe how they first met, with the repetition of “that look”. It worked really well, and it firmly established the foundations of their relationship. Also, I know you’re not always keen on present tense, but it was the perfect choice here. It kept me in the moment with both Bill and Fleur, and it helped maintain the story’s pace -- you covered a lot of ground here, I think, in not that many words, and yet not once was I confused, and not once did it drag or seem too fast either.

The characterisation of Fleur was simply excellent. Fleur, sadly, is one of the most abused characters in the fandom, and possibly in canon too. She’s seen as a girl who is merely pretty, and I liked that you changed that around completely here. Yes, she’s still beautiful, but you added a lot more substance to her character. For example, when Bill flicks the steak at her, she laughs, whereas I would have expected her to be annoyed and possibly just leave there and then. I think a moment like that threw me off a little, but in a good way -- it kind of reminded me that Fleur is human, which she obviously is, despite her looks :) Oh, and I also thought you wrote her accent very well. You did a great job on that without overdoing it, and I think that’s one of the most difficult things about writing Fleur sometimes. As well as that, I think Fleur’s refusal to use her Veela charm on Bill was interesting, and it showed, again, that she was a normal person, and a genuine one at that, because she wanted her relationship with Bill to actually last.

I really liked Bill’s characterisation too -- what I think is the best about him is that he’s not bothered about being particularly romantic, what with the fish and chips, and his impromptu proposal. But I think it works, too, because romantic gestures can go horribly over the top, and you kept it from getting to that stage, in my opinion. And the ending, when Bill says that he doesn’t love Fleur and doesn’t want to marry her, is heartbreaking. In HBP, when I read that scene, Bill was unconscious, so I always did want to know what his reaction to his attack would be. And, once again, his characterisation was spot-on; he seems like the noble sort of person who would try and protect Fleur by trying to reject her (like Remus). But, unlike Remus, I’m glad that Bill didn't go through with that and married Fleur anyway, because -- especially after reading this story -- Bill and Fleur make a beautiful couple.

So, as you can tell, I really enjoyed reading this. I think you did a wonderful job with this story, and it’s definitely a strong contender for at least one award (maybe Best Canon Couple?), so good luck in the challenge.

Bon anniversaire, mon amie!

Bonjour, Reine de SPEW :)

It’s been a while since I’ve read anything by you, so it was lovely having something of yours on my TBR list for once. And, wow, I was really impressed with this piece, for several reasons.

Firstly, I think Remus/Marlene is a wonderful pairing, partly because it’s pre-Remus/Tonks and still fully canon compliant (and your take on the pairing was another excellent one) but also because Remus’s reluctance to be with Tonks later on is understood more. Clearly, he had experienced a similar problem with someone else before Tonks, and it explains, also, why Remus seized the opportunity with Tonks in HBP -- because he knew that he missed the chance with Marlene. I think that was such a powerful aspect of his character to explore, and it was done incredibly well. I also know you’re not a huge fan of Marauder Era, so this is even more impressive, in my opinion, because the characterisation throughout was just stellar.

Second, we don’t know much about Marlene from canon, so I liked that you drew from that and characterised her really well, firstly by her actions and her ideals (which we know, partially, because she was in the Order and therefore cared about what was right) but by her description. I think it was necessary, because Marlene is essentially an OC in terms of characterisation. I find, usually, with your writing, that you don’t linger on description much, so it was a nice change to read more description in this one at the beginning. And it was beautifully and poetically written, right from the start of the story -- I got a really vivid image of Marlene, which was important because, of course, Remus remembers her vividly too.

I also loved the style in which this story is written -- I know you’re not a fan of present tense, but if I didn’t know your preferences when writing, I would never be able to guess that you’ve stepped out of your comfort zone at all, because it was written so effortlessly that it’s impossible to tell that you and present tense aren’t best friends. Present tense was definitely the right choice here, because it really made me feel in the moment, and there’s also something ominous about it which suited the mood of the story perfectly.

The flashbacks were also gut-wrenching, in that they showed when Remus and Marlene were happy, and that just added to the sad tone in the piece. The part at the end when Marlene proposed to Remus was gorgeously done, and I really liked that she was not a traditionalist in that respect. The shifts back to the past and then the present again were flawlessly done, and not once were they jarring, or abrupt. I think the non-linear structure here worked really well; it’s amazing how many memories one can get from just a photo, and the image of Remus lying in his bed and looking at the picture of him and Marlene is so powerful, and it really emphasises the gloominess Remus feels, especially when he tears the photo in two.

Finally, I think the story flowed really well. It is a relatively short one-shot, but it was the perfect length, I think, and there was a lot of emotion packed in for such a short piece, which I really liked, especially with the non-chronological way in which the story was written. You explored a lot of Remus’s feelings throughout -- love, of course, but also, anger (when Remus discovered the Dark Mark above Marlene’s body) which was executed really well, and it was perfectly in character when he obliterated it with his wand. That was a really good scene, and it emphasised how badly Remus was affected by Marlene’s death, and how much he loved her.

So, overall, Jess, this was a wonderfully-written and poignant story, even more so because it’s not your usual style or era, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Well done :)

~Soraya~

Author's Response:

Sorry it's taken epically long to respond, but it never fails that I don't have the proper words to respond to a SPEW review. /bad Monarch

Somehow, in my head, Remus/Marlene is totally canon. Remus is the one Marauder I genuinely don't dislike, but he is, to me, the most tragic. Peter was thought to be dead, James *was* dead, and Sirius had supposedly committed both crimes. Remus was left with the burden of knowledge that he had not been able to stop any of it. Add his furry little problem, and he is the person I would least want to be between 1981 and 1993. He went at it all alone, but there was only one conceivable reason why he would tackle such a difficult life alone, and that is because he wasn't alone and it didn't work out well.

And as for Marlene, I thought it was important for the reader to see her as Remus saw her at that moment, idyllically pretty and sweet to a fault. Naturally, this isn't the sum of what she was. At this moment in time, though, she was a flawless flower that Remus thought that he destroyed because of what he was and ultimately lived with that burden. To see her as anything else after she had just been buried would've been abominable to Remus. He loved her too much to let himself love her. Noble git. >.>

Present tense just ended up being a necessity. In terms of functionality, it would've been more awkward using flashbacks if all of it had been in past tense, rather than having a present that drifted into memories. It just seemed the logical choice. However, using first person present tense (which I've done once before) would've melted my brain. I think I don't have a POV I dislike more other than second person anything. I just picked what felt the best whilst writing, and weirdly enough, that was it, hehe.

Speaking of the memories/flashbacks, I really had to reign myself in while writing those so they didn't overtake the rest of the story completely. I felt it was more important to show Remus's heartbreak and use the memories to demonstrate why that is, rather than make the story about the flashbacks and using the present tense bits to mark their sad ending. That probably doesn't make any sense, but there ya go.

I had a really strong image of the picture, and that was what I wrote the story around. There is something really poignant about the image of a photograph being ripped, and I thought it fitting that not even magic could put it back together properly. And with it being likely the last photograph left of Marlene, as her house had been burned down, it kind of has a finality to it in that respect, especially for Remus.

As for the length of the story, I think a longer story might've ended up being too draining, both for me and the reader, or worse, run the risk of rambling rather than being emotive. I like to think that those 1100 something words say more than I probably could've done in 5000 writing it differently. It's probably pretentious to say that, but that's me for you, lol.

I think Remus obliterating the Dark Mark was probably my favourite thing to write. His rage was almost palpable in my brain, and I'm reasonably confident that it translated well onto the page. To be honest, I had the image of the HBP film where the students all held up their wands after Dumbledore died, but I wanted it to be the antithesis of that. Remus rarely loses his temper, but everyone has a breaking point. That, to me, was his.

That breaking point was very important to his future relationship with Tonks. Not even someone afflicted with lycanthropy could cut himself off from possible romance as solidly as Remus did. In the first war, he thought it was too much to overcome and he lost a chance at happiness because the dark times they lived in took Marlene away. But when Tonks came along, Remus refused to let himself feel that way again. I think he eventually realised that he couldn't stop himself from feeling the way he did no matter how hard he tried, so he decided to take happiness where he could get it, because things were even worse than they had been during the first war...and we know how that turned out. It's better to die regretting things you've done than die regretting things you didn't do.

All in all, if I were to write a Marauder story, this kind, with non J/L and all those characters that bore me, this is it. There are so many good characters to implement, and I prefer to give the ones who don't have a story a life of their own. Like Marlene. And maybe read through the lines a bit about Remus and his travails with romance. And so forth.

Anyway, I will shut up now. This was an excellent review, almost to the point where it was exceedingly difficult to respond in a manner fitting its quality. I fear I have failed, but thank you for visiting and reading this story. It's the best thing I've written of late, maybe save for Carole's birthday story. I appreciate the visit, and have a lovely evening. :D

~Jess

ooooooooooooooooooh. Natalie, this was fab. And I've still got two chapters to go, yippeeeeee! :D

I think you created a lovely chemistry between Gabrielle and Krum in this. I mean, things were awkward to begin with, but I liked how their relationship progressed as the chapter went on. I *was* wondering why Krum didn't want to be seen with Gabrielle myself, so it was good that he explained himself. I suppose it kind of makes sense, and I loved this line: “I will kiss you in front of the cameramen if you want.”

Hehehehhe, that just was so funny. And I loved Monsieur Melancolique -- hilarious :D My form tutor is a French teacher so next time he annoys me, I'll just call him that :P

Finally, I loved your characterisation of Gabrielle -- in canon, we see her as a rather immature girl but who is also quite open about her crush on Harry. I liked how you built on that and made her quite forward.

Anyway, onto the next chapter!

Author's Response: Hahaha! Credit for Melancolique goes to Croll. I'm happy to know you enjoyed the chapter and characterisation.

Ahhh, I like the girl :) She's very noble and rather gallant, and I love her character. Granted, I'm still upset that Gabrielle died, but it's also nice to know Krum found love in the end, and that he didn't die.

While I loved the chemistry between Gabrielle and Krum, I somehow don't think it would have worked between them. They were too similar, in some ways, and I think maybe the fact that their relationship would always be in the limelight if they were together might have been something that could have pushed them apart too.

Anyway, this is just becoming incoherent mush so I'll stop here. Great story, Nat :D

Author's Response: Ideally, I'd have either drawn out the story and killed Krum in the end or forced myself to let Gabrielle live and separate them after some time. But I am JKR's slave. -sigh- You're right about Krum and Gabrielle's relationship too. There are quite a few factors why it wouldn't have worked out. They spent such a short time together, and Krum is so idealistic, which is why I think he plummeted into depression.

Alex, this was beautiful. Ahhhhhh. The Grangers' relationship is definitely one I find intriguing, and I think you wrote it excellently. I liked the idea of them meeting at uni, and how Bea stopped swearing because of Stephen (if only that could happen for me, lol).

And I never would have guessed that you haven't been to Melbourne before. The description of the scenery was very nicely done, and I liked the reaction Bea had to Australia's beaches and so on -- especially comparing it with Cornwall's. And I loved the ending, and how you brought out their emotions and how lost they both felt so well.

The only thing I can pull you up on, really, is that Hermione cast a charm convincing her parents that they would become Wendell and Monica Wilkins, so either those were their real first names or they were called something completely different and Hermione changed their names. I think the latter is more likely, for security purposes. Just something I thought I'd point out -- obviously you don;t have to change it.

Lovely story, Alex :D

Author's Response: Sorayaa!!! Thank you :) I was rather pleased with this story, and am so glad that you liked it. Ha, meet someone as sweet as Stephen or stop swearing :p

Hannah and Bob and google streetview helped :) I love embedding the setting into the story, so am glad you appreciated it/ enjoyed it.

I've already told you about Monica and Wendell--I made up an excuse, and put it in the AN, but thank you for pointing it out. This is one of my favourites of the stories I wrote, so I'm glad you liked it and thank you for your lovely review :) Alex

ZOMG. That was AMAZINGGGGGGGGGGG.

Just... gahhh, I don't even know what to say! Carole, I've missed reading your Marauder Era stories, and I think this was a beautiful one. I just loved your characterisation of Sirius and Benjy -- especially with how snarky Benjy was, lol, and how hot Sirius was, hahahaha.

Also, I think you packed a lot of emotion into this story. There was humour, with Benjy putting Sirius in his place, and romance, and angst, too, not just on Benjy's part but on Sirius's as well. Octavia is a bit of a byotch, imo, leading poor Sirius on like that :-/

I loved your choice of POV and tense. Present tense is rather subjective, but it worked perfectly here, really made me feel in the moment. And I thought the way it was structured was so very clever and logical. It's different from what I usually read from you in that respect, and it worked perfectly.

Wonderful, wonderful story, Carole, and sorry for gushing. Just... wow. :D

Author's Response: Thank youuuuuuu
,br> You know, I was so unsure about this story. I knew I liked it, but wasn;t sure how it would go down so I am incredibly pleased with the reception it's received. Also, it turned out VERY differently from my initial plan which was to be a brief encounter after a mission and some hot m/m action. Sirius, however, wasn't playing ball and I thought it needed to be a touch deeper. So, he might be gay or straight, but really he's not attached to anyone except James and to a lesser extent Lily, Remus and Peter. However, he does get close to Benjy. Ihated killing Benjy - darn canon!

Present tense. Yes, it's sadly addictive. I hated it and then loved it and then cursed it again when I was writing Dean/Ginny and it kept appearing - ha!

Thank you again for this review and all the others. Much appreciated. ~Carole~

Ooooooh, Spire, this was lovely! It's so unfair that this hasn't got any reviews yet, because I thought it was fab and bittersweet and beautiful.

Firstly, what a wonderful rarepair! I never would have thought that Poppy would be Marauder Era age, but because it's never really mentioned how old she is in canon (I don't think so anyway) I suppose you have free reign in that respect. And though the characters in this pairing are rather random, I think you created lovely chemistry between them right from the very beginning when he proposes to her. That was so sweet, and a great way of starting the story, with dialogue.

And I thought the way they were slowly pushed apart by war was so sad and beautifully done. I couldn't help but wince every time a death was mentioned, especially the McKinnons. The fact that Maria was pregnant at the time only makes it more heart-wrenching for me.

Anyway, I hope you get more reviews for this, Spire, because it truly is a fantastic story. See you in, RAC, and good luck in the challenge!

~Soraya~

Author's Response: Ahhh, thank you for the review! I really enjoyed writing this (I haven't written ff in ages and this is a bit different to my norm) so I'm pleased you liked it :) xx

Carole, you are killing me here. WHYYYYY?

For about two years, Harry/Ginny was my OTP. And now you've killed it completely because this is just so convincing for me and it makes Harry/Ginny look so unconvincing, especially the bit about Ginny being fifteen and harbouring the crush since she was ten. You're right, or rather, she's right.

You wrote drunk!Ginny so well (well, you would, given it's... you :D) and I think you managed to create wonderful chemistry between Ginny and Dean with her loosening up because of the drink and all. I do love Grace too -- I think she sounds really sweet, and I so agree with her about footie. Just sayin'.

Anyway, final chapter now!

Author's Response: I loved writing the drunk bits - heheheheh - I can get away with repeating things like 'lovely' which is a lovely word. Grace I've used before and Gary they're my canon for Dean. Grace was about 17 when she had Dean *sigh*.

I do still ship Harry/Ginny but there has always been a part of me that is uneasy about her having this crush on him for so long and it all working out happily ever after (although I love the NG kids) but that wouldn;t necessarily mean she'd end up back with Dean. (Actually I have a femmeslash in mind for her - heheheheheheheheheh)

Thank you for the review (I have altered a bit in the last chapter, btw, thanks to your advice.) ~Carole~

Oooooh, Natalie, this was lovely :) What a wonderful pairing to pick in the first place. Nicholas Flamel has always been a character who has fascinated me immensely, and I think you did a wonderful job of fleshing him and Perenelle out in this story, despite its shortness.

I think you explored their characters really well, particularly Perenelle at the beginning. It was a really interesting comparison to use, with numbers, and it's so true as well. (Obviously I would say that -- I am, after all, a maths geek :P)

Finally, I liked how Nicholas was poor and Perenelle was rich, and how they still stayed together despite all that. I think that's what made this story really original, with details like that.

Excellently written, Natalie :)

Author's Response: Nicholas and Perenelle fascinate me too! Actually, eternal life as a concept is a vastly interesting subject. Ha! I'm glad you liked the math-ness. :D And also the characterisation! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Really made my day.

Hehehe. Carole, this story just made me LOL so much. You got into Mafalda's head so well here, and I loved the voice you gave her. It's a little daft, but in a nice way hehe.

And I felt sorry for Mafalda -- after all of Arthur's blunders, she still liked him, only to find out that he and Molly eloped :( It's sad on her, though there's no way they would have worked really. I thought it was interesting how Mafalda viewed Molly as well, how she thought Molly was "simpering" (and the Molly I remember from canon is anything but). Just shows how jealous Mafalda is I suppose.

Anyway, this story just made me laugh so much, Carole, and I really enjoyed it :D

Author's Response: Thank yoiuuuu. I'm glad you picked up on the Molly simpering bit because you're quite right. Molly wouldn't simper at all, but in Mafalda's eyes she not only simpers, but she's 'fast' - hahahahahahahah.

Yes, poor Mafalda, but we all know Arthur only loves one woman. ~Carole~