Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 06/02/10 Title: Chapter 1: For Her.

Oh, and Carole, I don't mind birthday wishes on the review page. You can, by all means, beat me to it. Long day at work, plus a nap right away...you'd have had to wait forever. lol

Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 11/01/10 Title: Chapter 1: For the Heroes of Hogwarts

Congratulations, you QSQ winner, you!

I could have sworn I reviewed this story already, but as I apparently haven’t, it gives me an opportunity to extol this poems many, many virtues in a more coherent fashion, as this will be about the… sixth(?) time I’ve read it.

As I participated in the same challenge, it is more amazing to me that you were able to take that seemingly vacant slew of words and craft something that could possibly eclipse Burns’s original version of the poem. The language is just so very gorgeous and descriptive without falling over the edge of melodrama, and that is so very you.

For instance:

This is just…wow. It’s so beautiful and poignant, yet it is also straight to the point, showing your second-person subject that it is either fight with your friends or become the enemy. It so resembles the spirit of the DA and how it knows no social boundaries. So very well done.

And this:


Insert-squee-phrase-here. I love how this stanza tells the subject that the choice is either fight with the certain chance of death or be damned by the future. That takes the stanza that I first highlighted and says, “Yeah, I was suggesting, but now I’m just telling you.” It conveys the urgency and the necessity of fighting for the side of good so very well. Go you for taking such simple words and packing so much heavy meaning into them.

There really isn’t much to be said about the structure of the poem, as it was basically dictated to you by the nature of the challenge, but it works very well with the length that this poem would require. Even the words from the Burns poem seemed to fall into your lap. There is so much that is innately perfect about this piece, from the flow to the title to the word choice that negates the need for a thesaurus. It is almost as if the subject’s conscience is talking.

I can’t say enough good things about this poem, and it did truly deserve to win a QSQ. I believe in it, or I never would have nominated it. You, Miss Nataladita, have such a gift for poetry, and this stands as a monument to the legacy that you are slowly building on your author page.

It is truly a privilege to be able to read your work on a regular basis, old and new. Take care, and happy writing.

~Jess



Author's Response: *kicks self*

Jess!

Sorry for being the epitome of tardiness. >.< Will it be better if I say I was blown away by the awesomeness of the review that I went into shock? ; )

Bet you can see through my oiliness, though. : (

That was one hell of a challenge, wasn’t it? I basically wrote this poem in a sort of desperation for (a) five points, and (b) just the fact that I love PA challenges. I wasn’t very confident at first, but it was Carole who convinced me to post it.

What I really mean to say is, it is still a pleasant surprise when people tell me that they love it. I put my bet on I Am Shame for the QSQ as well, but it seems you were right. :D You prophetic QSQ nominator, you! (I, on the other hand, seem to have pained quite a number of people with my nominations.)

I’m so happy you caught the gist of whatever I was trying to imply in this poem. That is the highest reward any writer would ever get. Really fantastic review made, and though I’m saying this so late, it made me go nuts with the happies when I first read it. Still does.


~Natalie

Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 11/23/10 Title: Chapter 1: That night seemed so long ago.

I remember this from its original state. In that one, weren't they in Spain? I would be curious to know the reason behind the change, unless I'm being barmy and it was Greece all along.

I love how you use colour to add life and substance to a fic.  It's like your keys are paints and your fingers are the brush, casting their vivid slashes across the page to spin a story worth knowing. One thing is for certain, and it is that you got your thousand words' worth out of this picture. The emotions in it are simply stunning.

Well done, you. :D

~Jess

Author's Response: Okay, I just noticed your reviews! I'm still getting no automatic notifications from MNFF so I wasn't ignoring you! Anyway, yes, originally in the SBBC drabble they were in Spain but when I was doing the re-write I changed it to Greece. The point for them being in another country was to hide from Voldemort's forces in Britain. Spain just seemed far too close for that. Greece is a lot further away and so it suited my reasoning for the setting much better. Thank you so much for the lovely review, Jess!

Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 07/30/10 Title: Chapter 1: I Am Shame

Oh, lordy, I love this poem. I think I told you that, but I'll gush again, just because this was your first read/review. :D

I think that this bit is my favourite:

You and he and she and I
Will always remember
I was His servant. 

It just expounds the finality of what he had done and that there was no taking back that tattoo on his arm. The last stanza, in general, was wonderful, but those lines were ultra-fantastic.

I really like how you rehashed all of the horrible things that he had seen while under Voldemort's thumb, plus what had come from that. 

In the first stanza, when you say 'A mask
Blown asunder.' it just makes me think of how Draco's life had been such a delicately crafted ruse of making others think that he was in control, that he was strong and well-connected. Of course, it was nearly all lies, especially considering the toll that the war and servitude to the Dark Lord took on the entire Malfoy family. Then again, I shall not weep for Lucius, as he did steal Legolas's hair. That's just not right. :D

Anyway, lovely poem, and I'm excited to review first. I heart you, milady, and I hope your weekend without internet isn't too long a wait. I shall miss you!

Hearts and stuff,

Jess

Author's Response: "Then again, I shall not weep for Lucius, as he did steal Legolas's hair. That's just not right. :D"



*lapses into a fit of the cackles*



Thank you for such a detailed, delicious review, Jess. Whatever you said was what I intended to convey, and hoped for the reader to grasp. :) As you know, I didn't go away during the weekend. >.> But yay for the R&R again.



~Natalie.

Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 08/08/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Love

Yay, the Slash of Doom is finally here!

First off, I will admit that I may or may not have raised a brow at the pairing. It just seemed so very random. However, after reading the story and the scenarios and circumstances that you put forth, it just makes so much sense to me.

Now, I’m guessing that these ruminations of a love past are taking place during Rabastan’s stint in Azkaban. Do correct me if I’m wrong. That would explain to me why he’s having trouble remembering—because of the Dementors.

Your characterisation of Rabastan is phenomenal. You have taken a character that I didn’t give a crap about a half an hour ago and brought him to life. Now, he’s a clear picture of darkness, calculation, and a prototypical Death Eater. Just the way you portray his thoughts and emotions was very vivid and poignant. I felt like I was going on this journey of self-discovery and uncertainty about things along with him.

Regulus is different than I had always imagined. I normally had pictured him as a boy so eager to distance himself from Sirius that he was sucked into a life that he didn’t fully know until it swallowed him. This is quite different. You show him as cunning, cold, and brooding. He knew exactly what he was getting into. He wanted it. It will be interesting to see how you deal with that aspect of him once you get to the Horcrux part. I’m sure you have something deliciously ebil planned.

Snape is an interesting character here. He’s a very minor character so far, but you have him nonchalantly breaking up fights. He does have that air of being like that, which might come into play later in the story. I do wonder if he’s going to play a larger role down the line.  

One part in particular did fascinate me, and that was this:

So, did Rosier have a thing for Rabastan, or am I reading this wrong? If this is the case, then it just adds that much more to the differences between Rabastan and Regulus. Rabastan had no idea, but Regulus, ever sharp-witted, was surprised that Rabastan was so clueless. If there is a bit of unrequited Evan/Rabastan, I would be interested in seeing a bit more on it, or at least hear your side of the story at some point. I’m sure it all has a backstory in your head.

The meeting in the locker room was astounding. Regulus was just so calm and collected, whereas Rabastan was addled and on fire within. They make the perfect match of opposites. Just the way that Regulus listed all the things that Rabastan had thought no one else had known was great, and it was even a bit charming to watch Rabastan’s reaction. He was confused, hurt, and alarmed all at once, which lent him the aura of a little boy who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar and was not doing very well in denying it.

Rabastan’s feeling of dominance and comeuppance during the kiss was interesting. It wasn’t a kiss of love and lighter emotions at first; it was payback and passion and subjugation. This is what Regulus meant about the real Rabastan, and this was him. From there, Rabastan got to discover a new part of himself that he probably would never have met otherwise. He became familiar with what it was like to show tenderness and affection, and it was profound to him. That is one of the things that I adore when I read any kind of stories, and that is the feeling of awe and wonder when one has learnt of some sort of personal truth.

All in all, this is a great start to your epic chaptered fic. It’s a story of love, of hate, of longing, of anger, and of all sorts of passions. You captured your characters well, and both they and their stories really came to life. I can’t wait to read more, and I do hope you plan on updating regularly.

/update monster moment

Take care, O Hestia the Bestia, and I look forward to chatting with you later!

~Jess

P.S.—I have a minor thing to point out that you might want to fix. In this part:


The word ‘rendezvous’ is French, and it would properly be pluralised as ‘rendezvoux’. That’s it. :D


Author's Response: Is that what I think it is? A SPREVIEW? *flails*



Ha! I am so happy I managed to convince you. :) Yes, it does seem random, doesn’t it? But that’s what I like about it. It’s a challenge trying to pull it off, and I’m happy you think it is working. As for when this story is written…ahhh…I can’t dwell much on that now. : (



Writing Rabastan is fun, but tricky. I want him to be cunning, ruthless, and yet naïve and vulnerable, too. I didn’t want to create a sad hero because he is a Death Eater, and a Lestrange, and he was part of the group who tortured the Longbottoms. He also took part in both wars. Writing him as a tragic hero would take absolute brilliance, but would that be cliché as well? I think that is one of the common fanon trends. What I wanted to write was a realistic, unapologetically Slytherin Rabastan, and to hear that you thought I’d achieved that made me glow. Not dazzle. ;)



As for Regulus, I believe him to be a confused personality. In my version, there is a part of him which is exactly like what you described: the boy who rebelled against his rebelling brother. There is another part of him which is not so reckless: he must have been pretty intelligent, cunning and daring himself to do what he did as his final act of redemption. Also, I feel his relationship with his older brother is very complicated, and that’s how I want to portray it.



Snape – ahh! What a fun character to write. Hehe! I think Voldemort always valued Snape; Voldemort doesn’t seem the kind of person to forgive any random Death Eater who pined after a ‘Mudblood’. We see Snape as a petty bully when confronted by the Marauders, and Harry’s mates and Gryffindors. But I think he was different with the Death Eaters. They seem to admire and respect him, and they do it grudgingly. I do have a few plans for him. *rubs palms*



You’re right. Rosier did have a thing for Rabastan, but Rabastan being the generally apathetic person he was, he tended to ignore the other boy. And this love triangle will have a huge part to play in the coming chapters.



Oh! Your praise of my locker room incident makes me do a “He got off! He got off!” dance. That scene was so difficult for me to write, not necessarily because of the sex (you know how easily those scenes come to me *cackle*) but how their interaction builds up to the moment. You also felt exactly what I wanted the readers to feel, so YAY for me.



I intend to finish this story, Jess, I do! Lol. Seriously. : ) Thanks for the FANTASTIC review and encouragement and the Frenchpick!



~Natalie.

Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 08/10/10 Title: Chapter 1: The Seven Potters

XD

This was so freaking funny. I don't think I have words for just how funny. I think my favourite part was when they were trying to figure out who RAB was, and AngstyHarry misspelt. It was truly a beverage-thru-nose moment. I think I probably spent the entire story laughing. Maybe, even if the Audiofics are on hiatus for a few months, perhaps Madam Caroledemort could record it for you just because. It would be so freaking funny to listen to this madness.

A+++, Twin!!!

XD

Jess

Author's Response: Triple A-plus - wow, thanks! I'm glad you found it so funny! Thanks for helping me decide on the Harrys to use. I had fun with this and am really glad it turned out as well as it did. It would be sort of amusing to hear read aloud, I think. We shall see. Thanks for reading it, I really appreciate the review! ~Gina :)

Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 09/05/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 - Encounters on the Platform

Hello there. :D

I'm Jess and the resident lurker. I just saw your story in the Most Recent list and decided, after reading your fantastic summary, that I just had to check it out.

I myself have delved into the realm of Next-Generation quite extensively, so it's interesting to see where others see our favourite characters ending up. Your Draco is case in point. 

I like his voice. The way you have structured and worded his thoughts was very well-done. Traditionally, Draco is a judgmental little jerk, and it's good to see that you didn't leave that out completely. The best example is when he first encounters the Dokes, his first thought was 'Mudbloods' and how much he really wished they wouldn't come too near him. Now, I don't think Draco would really feel this way still after all this time, but it wouild end up being more of  a reflex than anything. I thought that part was very well done.

Inversely, in that opening scene, there were a few things I wasn't too sure about. First off, you have Astoria meeting Draco as a first-year and a fifth-year respectively, but, canonically, Astoria is only two years Draco's junior. It's not a big deal or anything, but you may want to make a note of it in case other canon drum beaters (you know...like me :D ) bring it up. The second part of that very same paragraph is more of what I wanted to bring up. Draco held Astoria's hand and smiled at her. As far as I can tell, Draco at Hogwarts would have never, ever, ever, ever, ever done anything of the sort, especially if the person was younger that him and therefore of no use to him. I know it doesn't sound like much, but attention to this sort of detail is what sets apart a good fic from a great fic. The story you have set up has the makings of greatness, especially with the characters you've crafted in your summary alone. It would be awesome for this story to do well.

Another qualm that I had that isn't so minor is the overall narrative voice. There were times during the opening of the chapter that I truly had no idea whose head we were in. 'Head hopping', more affectionately known as Third Person Omniscient is generally considered a no-no, but in this story, it's actually fitting. The problem lies with clearly defining whose head you're in, who's thinking. Several paragraphs, no matter how many times I read them, I truly had no idea. The most glaring example was this: 

 Dokes smiled. Draco stopped, caught his breath and in a soft voice added, “However, I must warn you that Draco’s grandfather was a criminal who has paid his debt, as they say. Yet some will not easily forgive. If your son were to travel with my son, he might get painted with the same brush.”

I think this is Draco's narrative voice, but I'm not sure. I'm not saying that you should, by any means, go back and rip it all apart and re-write it, but perhaps, in the future, you might want to be wary of confusing the reader. 

I'm also a little bit put off by the use of substitutes for a person's name in writing. For instance, in the second to last paragraph, in reference to Professor Longbottom, he was termed as 'the man', 'the teacher', 'the professor', and 'Longbottom. This is somewhat of a device for us writers to employ in order to avoid repetitiveness, but instead of gaining the desired result, it just looks sort of sloppy. Using this method here and there is fine, but that many usages in one paragraph pushes on the extreme and is offputting to readers. It's like using terms like 'the Slytherin', 'the blonde', and 'Malfoy' instead of Draco. There are a good number of Malfoys, even more Slytherins, and definitely more blondes. It's just makes for better habits to refer to characters by their names. Getting creative to avoid rampant repetitiveness in other ways is a good challenge.

Another thing. In the beginning, Scorpius is wearing black silk robes, yet Draco had only two Galleons to send to school with his son. I know appearances have and always will matter to Draco, but that seems to be slightly on the realm of impractical. I know it's a matter of my own personal preference, but I don't see Draco's need to keep up appearances extending that far. If they were just plain black robes like everyone else's, the thought would have never occurred to me. 

Okay, so, by now, you're probably like, "Who is this person and what is she on about?" I'm just trying to impart some lessons that I had learnt the hard way by receiving some rather unsavory reviews and harsh comments on my work. They've shaped me into a much better writer, and I want to share that experience with everyone, but without the sting that such things can bring along with them. I'm an open book in that regard.

Now, after that bit of crit (rhyming not intentional), I would love to get back to the fun stuff--talking Malfoy!

I really like the way you've portrayed Scorpius. He doesn't seem as judgmental as Draco, which speaks volumes of how much Draco has tried to better himself as a human being and the amount of growing up that he had done before having a child. I also like that he sees his father as his source of everything important. Several times, he had brought up in his personal narrative something that Draco had told him to watch for, and he, the dutiful son, did so. It shows how, no matter how much Draco tried to stray from Lucius's example of fatherhood, that mark of respect for the father figure still remained in the Malfoy family. It really speaks of reality to me, which is something that these wizarding families that people portray in their fan fiction sometimes lack for me as a reader. 

Jimber is also a interesting character. He owns this open, bald honesty that is shocking to Scorpius, like when he was discussing how badly Hagrid's dog stank and about a similarly-smelling dog in his homeland. It's obvious that Jimber is proud of this memory, which leads me to believe that his upbringing is not unlike Scorpius's and that there might be a very good reason why the Dokes are no longer in their native country and are in London instead. I can't wait to find out.

I also am anxious to see more of your Rose. I always had her pegged as much more outspoken, but she seems more like a young Ginny to me--quiet but quick to defend her hero. I'm curious to see which direction you take with her.

All in all, you have a fantastic start to this story, and I will definitely be checking out any further updates you produce, plus possibly visiting your author page to check out your Luna stories. Thank you for reading this far, and have a lovely day!

~Jess

Author's Response: Thanks for you comments. My POV confusion and misuse of commas has driven multiple beta-readers crazy and one into retirement. I did not find the information about Astoria's age until after I'd submitted the story. I've adjusted the paragraph in this chapter and a future reference in an upcoming chapter between Astoria and the Dokes. As for Rose, I've always had trouble with finding Hermione's voice. It wasn't until I wrote a chapter in my unpublished story Gwenog Jones and the Seduction of Ginevra Weasley(my fourth story attempt) did I find my inner Hermione. Granger was an only child. Rose is the older child of her family and is also surrounded a sea by Weasley cousins. She grew up going from reading books recommended by her mother to playing in the rough and tumble games of Quidditch at family get-togethers. I see Rose as a very reflective and more socially attune Hermione with a touch of Weasley sass. If you follow the story, you will find Draco mentally praising Rose's goal keeper skills while at the same time downgrading her father's skill. (Writing Draco can be such fun) Thanks for you comments, my second chapter is under review and my third chapter just got returned by my beta-reader .+.HjMc+.+

Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 09/19/10 Title: Chapter 1: Do you remember?

Greetings!

Oh, I do so adore fics that give a life and a story to characters that slip through the cracks. There are few characters that are more on a nonentity in Harry’s Hogwarts class than Theo Nott and Lisa Turpin. Now, I’ve always had my own ideas about them, but for the moment, I’m going to focus on this brilliant little world that you’ve created for the two of them.

I get Theo. I don’t mean that I see him and understand what he’s like; I truly can commiserate with the sort of person he was during school. I suppose that’s why your characterisation of him is so powerful to me, for he holds the power of nothing. The fact that he is so very unapologetically so is just so striking. It’s a brave move to make your protagonist someone that one shouldn’t notice and/or care about, but you did and it was brilliant.

One thing that was odd was the sequence through which you flashed back in his life. However, the order of the memories had to be the way they were for the ending not to be all…’yeah, I knew that was coming’. Hmm…that made more sense in my head. I guess what I mean is that generally, non-chronological flashbacks are generally a no-no, but in this case, it was perfect. Okay, that is more what I meant to say, lol.

Lisa. Lisa, Lisa, Lisa. I liked that she was nerdy and extremely average-looking. She instantly became every boy’s first real crush, that nerdy girl that loved chess club too much. She wasn’t the brave, fiery Gryffindor girl who spat in the face of anyone who wore green and silver; she was quiet and unassuming, not unlike Theo. It is these qualities that make her such a rich and valuable character for your story and the way it plays out. You took naught but a name and gave her an identity, and that is so fantastic how you did it.

Theodore Sr…man, what a bastard. I truly hated the man from the first couple of paragraphs. I wanted him to die a horrible death, because I knew he had something to do with how damaged Theo was. To think that you could elicit such a reaction from me—and I don’t get that way often—speaks of the level of care and precision that you must have taken while writing this story. His sheer evil and selfishness toward is own end just made him the perfect villain. Voldemort is what he is, and everyone knows that. He hides nothing. But Theodore…he is the true face of what evil means, couching his own agenda in his supposed fatherly love and care. For that, he may rot in hell with Bellatrix and Milli Vanilli. I hope that in your personal canon for this story, someone eventually shot him in the face with a Blasting Curse or something vile.

And last but not least, Evelyn. Nothing on this planet surpasses the amount of love she held for her precious little boy. I had a feeling that the subtle questions throughout the story were from her, and I was pleased to see that I was right. Had it been his ‘conscience’, it might have ruined the potency of the story, but you did beautifully. So very much so. She wasn’t some spineless pushover, even though she tried to be one for Theo’s sake, but in the end, she knew that Theo needed her to be strong and take him away. The fact that she didn’t succeed doesn’t lessen this, either. In fact, it strengthens it.

In the end, though, I think Theo learnt to be strong from his mother. He knew that Voldy was going to kill him, and he didn’t care. He didn’t beg for his life like Draco would have done, and he didn’t give the Dark Lord the satisfaction of his pain. He put on his best ‘screw you’ face and let them do their worst. And for that, you’ve just made him one of my most favourite characters in fan fiction.

Plodding along, I shall address one more thing. I will freely admit that, when I first opened the story, I was intimidated by the idea of reading an almost 10K word fic in second person. In fact, I have a hard time making myself read a 1K word fic in second person, as it is probably my least favourite perspective. That being said, as I was chatting with Elené pretty much the entire time she was betaing this story, I was on the front lines of how much she completely raved about this story. Now, I didn’t know it was in second person, but that thought didn’t leave me as I told myself, “You can do this.”

I don’t think I’ve read any of your stuff before, so I was a bit…unsure about delving into second person of this magnitude, but I am so very glad I did. Your power to evoke emotional responses with what you write is so good that it’s almost orgasmic. I mean, you expect this sort of thing from non-fiction writing about people who saved the world with a ball of string and a prayer or something like that; but you did it telling the story of someone who was in a void throughout much of his life. That brings me to the conclusion of: holy crap, you’re good.

That’s all from me. This story was brilliant and a half, and I will endeavour to remember this far down the line when it comes time to nominate for next year’s QSQs, because this story is completely capable of winning one. Thanks for making it this far, and I hope my air raid bombing of ‘squee’ didn’t send you ducking under a couch somewhere…I hear there’s a hippogriff under there that will peck at your face. :D

Take care and happy writing,

~Jess

P.S. — Go Eagles!


Author's Response: I too adore minor characters and stories focused around them. It just feels that Harry, Ron, Hermione and people like them have already had their stories told, and I love writing the untold stories. I would love to hear your opinions on Theo and Lisa, and I'm glad you enjoyed my characterization of them so well. About the order of the memories. I have a tendency to be a bit of a rebel when it comes to writing rules (well that ones that aren't about grammar and Mary-Sues and such -- I'm a big supporter of them). So though I know flashbacks are supposed to go in order, I ignored it. Not just because of the impact on the story but because I don't believe that's the way PEOPLE think of memories.People's minds are always filled with random thoughts and strange emotions and memories that generally don't follow a proper timeline. People are messy; sometimes writing should be too. (I hope that made sense, lol. But it probably didn't.) Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, hm? I never really gave much thought to her before I chose to put her into this story. I chose her because all we knew about her was that she was a Ravenclaw. And I liked the idea of placing Theodore with someone smart, as honestly I don't think he would have patience or be captivated by someone who was less intelligent, like he was with her. Her personality stemmed from wanting to avoid as many cliches as possible. As you said, the fiery Gryffindor. It seems that the only girls with any real romance were these girls. (Lily, Ginny, even Hermione). It would say these are the typical girls you see in most romance books, even outside of Harry Potter and especially in the fanfiction world. Maybe it's just me, but I get tired of those sort of characters. Not to mention I avoid cliches at all cost. I wanted Lisa to be kind and non-overbearing, and very very smart, if a bit shy. Theodore being the hesitant person he is would be able to be drawn to her, without being intimidated like he would have with a fiery Gryffindor. Besides, her character wasn't too difficult for me to create. She sort of just stepped onto the page and said, "This is who I am; write me" while twirling that piece of hair. It seems most of the characters I work with do that, and I do my best to stay out of their way. Concerning Nott Sr, I agree with absolutely everything you said. If it hadn't been for him and the pressure he placed upon Theodore, can you imagine what Theodore might have become? I say in the story Theodore had his choice, and he did, but he would never have been forced into such a horrible decision if it hadn't been for his father. As for my personal canon, I know in this story I left it where he didn't die, and though it would be sweet justice if he was killed or at least thrown into Azkaban (though even that would be too merciful for the likes of him) I'm not the sort of person who believes in happy endings. As you might tell in the way this story ended, with so much death (though Theo did find the peace he couldn't have in life in the next). I don't believe evil is ever completely vanquished. Theodore Sr. deserves to die, but too often true evil gets away, wearing its mask of sheep's clothing. And Theodore was indeed that wolf. But one day, I'm sure he got his just reward. Maybe not at that battle or in his life, but certainly in the next. Can you imagine? Him seeing his wife and son and that "Mudblood" all living happily, while he is left a broken and withering soul and is taken to a place where there is no mercy for the wicked, and no mask that can save him. And THAT would be much sweeter vengeance. As for Evelyn being the voice, I just couldn't have it being Theodore's conscience. It would seem out of character for him, seeing as he silenced his conscience for so long, but he could never silence his mother, whispering to him from the other side where she waited for him. Yes, she did indeed love him, and I'm glad you picked up the person she was and I wanted her to be. And you're perfectly right that Theodore learned his strength from his mother. Theodore wasn't his father's son; he was his mother's through and through. About second person. I think this and the tiny drabble it started is the only thing I've written in second perspective, but I like testing myself and trying new styles. I realize it is the least common, and I probably would have run the other way if I had seen so long of a fic written like this. But I'm so glad you didn't. And Elene had high praise for me, certainly, but I had no idea she was raving about it. I'm truly flattered. Really. By her and by everything you've said. Really I cannot say thank you enough for all your wonderful compliments. I am certainly not hiding under the couch by your squee, though I'm sure it would be a nice place. I personally would have loved a stuffed animal like Feathers. Thank you again. So very much. Happy writing to you as well, fellow Claw! Chante'

Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 09/19/10 Title: Chapter 1: Ariana

Hello there.

Yeah, um...wow. Just...wow. If ever repetition was unnoticeable, this is it. I read through it, in awe the entire time, and I completely forgot that it was a tritina until I read yoru chapter notes. That is how much you rock.

I have no idea how I won that challenge, because your poem is pure grace and elegance. Gah, this review is turning out stupid and rambly, but I love this poem so much. I'm also excited to be its first read and review. :D

Take care and happy writing, 

~Jess

Author's Response: LOL, thanks Jess. -squishes- And don't put your poem down, because it definitely deserved first place! :D xx

Reviewer: ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor Signed
Date: 09/20/10 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

What is this? Melissa's back on the Most Recent Page?

Okay, I'll shut up now. I really like the tone of this story. It's not like a narration so much as Susan's streaming thoughts. The way you brougth that about with the little notes in parentheses seems to me like these losses and changes were sparked by a reminder and hence inserted there. That adds to the way the perspective suits the story.

I think my favourite line is when she tells Justin to not be a fatass and pass the pudding. She probably wouldn't have said that a year prior, which adds tothe meaning of your last parenthetical part about gaining some things despite what they've lost. 

I really appreciate the flow with which the story reads. You put a lot of meaning into 1000 words, and that sort of brevity is something that still escapes me (as you've no doubt noticed). 

Cheers and happy writing. I look forward to further appearances on the MR list. :D

~Jesssssss (masquerading as a Slytherin because my House members are embarrassing us in the Reference Desk; now taking open applications to be abducted into another house...oh, and I'll shut up now XD )