I've been sorted in Ravenclaw, and my fellow members of the House of Blue and Bronze have been exceptionally welcoming so far. I'm also certified by PI as a beta reader.
I finally found inspiration to write something of my own, and posted here at MNFF, as well as over at SIYE (under the same name).
Besides reading fanfiction (which I've recently gotten back into), I enjoy playing my trumpet and working with drum and bugle corps. I'm currently a music teacher, recently graduated from university.
...And that's about as much detail as I feel comfortable putting on the internet for just anyone to read. If you want to know more about me, just ask. I'm always glad to make a new friend.
Lastly, thanks to everyone here for putting up such wonderful stories to read! I really hope that you'll check out my story ("What's Your Favorite Color?") and let me know what you think.
I think that, again, you did a great job of capturing the emotion of what would be a difficult situation for anyone. My only qualm with it was Ron's reaction. Based on how long he's been best friends with Harry, how he reacted when Ginny and Harry first started going out, I think he'd be surprised, a little taken aback and protective at first, but I really think that he's given us every indication over the years that, after getting over the initial shock of the idea, something as wonderful as his best friend marrying his sister would make him really happy, not just accepting. I really liked your take on the rest of the family's reactions though. And again, I thought the overall tone and emotion of the piece was just great.
I wanted to make on quick, specific note. Where you wrote, "'Oh please! I know she won’t,' Hermione scoffed," I don't think you needed the "I know she won't" part of it. That's contained in the "Oh please!" and it's Hermione's way of talking to people about things she thinks should be obvious to say as little as possible.
But more to story as a whole, I thought you really captured the spirit of the moment, the difficulty in anticipating that moment, and all the mixed emotions that went into it. I thought Hermione following Harry was a surprising but well-though-out turn of events. I really liked this take on the Harry to Ginny proposal.
TOM RIDDLE – THE SELF-STYLED LORD VOLDEMORT
Editors Note: At the request of the Ministry for Magic this Official Statement issued by the Office of the Minister is produced full and unedited.
OFFICIAL MINISTRY STATEMENT
This official statement has been compiled with the assistance and co-operation of Mr Harry Potter.
“Lord Voldemort†was, in fact a man named Tom M. Riddle, son of a witch, Merope Gaunt and a Muggle, Tom Riddle Senior. The Ministry has decided that in all future official publications Riddle will be referred to by his given name.
There has already been much speculation and wild rumour regarding the events at Hogwarts School. The Ministry can confirm that Tom M. Riddle was killed at dawn on the morning of Saturday, 2 May. Riddle was disarmed by Harry Potter while in the act of firing a killing curse at Mr Potter. The curse killed Riddle rather than its intended target.
Continued on page 4
WHERE IS HARRY POTTER?
Despite the Official Ministry Statement (published above) we are no closer to receiving an answer to the question on the lips of every witch and wizard in the country. Where is Harry Potter?
It appears that Mr Potter left Hogwarts School early yesterday morning, apparently in the company of his close associates Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley. An attractive young Ministry clerk, who did not wish to be named, told The Prophet “He’s at the Ministry, having an important meeting with the Minister. My friends and I saw him. He asked us out to the pub, but we had to turn him down.†This statement is at odds with a report from the Portkey Office that Mr Potter has fled the country, travelling to Australia with his companions.
Continued on page 2
The days after the battle were days of grief and mourning. Grave Days.I thought this was one of the best, most well-written, and truest-to-canon stories of "the day after" that I've read in fanfiction. Nice job!
Author's Response: As that’s what I was aiming for, that’s high praise to me (-: Thanks.
-N-
I have to say, I originally found Hexworthy an awfully careless name for the cemetary. But if it's a real place, that changes it from a careless choice to a really funny one.
I enjoy watching these relationships grow among the grief and loss, like a flower growing up out of a garbage pile (perhaps a bit overly dramatic for a simile, but still valid I think).
I hope there's more to come!
Author's Response: Hexworthy is indeed a real place (google Hexworthy, Devon, and you’ll find it). It’s only 40 miles from Ottery St Catchpole, oops, sorry, I mean Ottery St Mary. Dartmoor National Park is somewhere I really must visit. It looks almost as bleak and quiet as my own part of the country. Two chapters to go, then comes the sequel. -N-
Wouldn't Albus have been through the gate before to see James off? Besides, she wouldn't have seen Scorpius until she got through the barrier, because they were on the platform already.
Other than a few such inconsistencies, I liked it.
Cute little story. I like Teddy, and he's a character that one doesn't easily find good material on. Brava!
Really quick, I'd just like to point out a typo that was especially jarring. About halfway through the first chapter, you wrote, "'I’d better be off so that I can set up some of the store. See you later,' FRED said with false bravado, standing and pulling out his wand." It should say George, but I can't find any other place where you made the same mistake, so it's an easy fix (and one that is quite easy to read over, as I found out).
I really liked the beginning of the chapter. You really gave it the feel of something like Rowling's work, but as the first chapter progressed, it felt less and less like another part of the same story and more like a different story about the same people. This feeling culminated in the last four paragraphs of the chapter or so, with their abrupt return to WWW. It was hasty, and kind of felt like you just wanted to reach the end of the chapter by the straightest and quickest way possible (instead of the smoothest way).
As for the second chapter, I really was unimpressed. There were some good ideas there, and I can totally understand the notion of Harry being unhappy with Ron, about his relationship with Hermione, but I don't see him ever getting angry over not having a present. In fact, his inability to accept Ron's putting his love in front of their friendship with regards to priority of his limited funds is contradicted so thoroughly in the books (especially by his one thought about gladly splitting all the gold in his Gringotts account with the Weasleys, even though he knew they'd never accept it. It just felt so out of character for Harry. Deviations from the original author's perceptions of characters are unavoidable in fanfiction, but I think you went past that intangible point where the reader stops being able to accept the difference between your Harry and Rowling's.
Again, with the third chapter, I like the general concept, and I can really see why Harry would be upset with their relationship, and why Hermione would be upset with Harry and with Ron, and why Ginny would want to make fun of them. But I think that you should try to work on getting the writing to do justice to the emotion behind it. The story became fairly blunt and the flow became less smooth, especially in the last chapter.
I don't mean to be harsh, and I'm really sorry if I've come off that way, but when I review, I like to be as honest as I can. That way, people can take it for what it's worth and choose to use it to their best advantage in improving future works.
To sum it up, I did really enjoy reading this and I think you are a good writer. I look forward to reading more of your stories.
Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much for reviewing and giving me so much to think about. I will certainly make the edit about George instead of Fred. The other things you wrote about, I will try to improve them, but it may take a while just to wrap my head around all of that. Thank you for critiquing, I think I really needed that. Thanks. =D
I really liked this. I need to say that.
I thought that it was a very emotional, and very thorough, transition from the mixture of elation, confusion, relief, and grief of right after the battle and Voldemort's fall to the open, honest, pure love and warmth of Harry and Ginny's kiss. I think that one of the best compliments that I can give for this piece is that your Harry and Ginny are very much the Harry and Ginny described so vividly by JK Rowling, and for a canon romance piece like this, it really feels right.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad that you think Harry and Ginny are IC. That's one of the things that I was hoping for. Thanks for reading and reviewing.
This was a really nice story. It was interesting to see Harry and Ginny in the future, beyond even what the Epilogue showed. I'll say again that I think your work is very well-written, with emotion behind every word. I can sense a sense of purpose as I read, as though you put considerable thought and effort into the choice of every word. I also thought the song fit with the story really well (and I was excited to read it, because I like the song itself).
Author's Response: Thanks very much! This is one of my most recent pieces, and I really did pour a lot of myself into it, so I'm glad you liked it and appreciated the effort. I'm a huge fan of Matt Nathanson, so I'm also glad you agreed with the song choice :)
It was a charming piece of fluff, and not a topic usually attacked by fanfiction. But I did like your explanation of Mrs. Weasley's reconciliation to Hermione, and I liked the insight into Ron's feelings (as only his mother could have). I felt like the end was a little rushed though, almost like you were hurrying a little to finish the story.
Author's Response: I don't think there's much higher praise for an author than to say (in a positive way, of course) that their story is not in commonly covered territory, so thank you. As for the ending, my favorite beta will tell you that endings aren't exactly my strong point. :o
This was a great story. It was really thoughtful and very emotionally rich. I am tempted to ask who the man was, though that might ruin some of it. I don't know...
But anyways...good job!
Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed it. "Emotionally rich" is a lovely compliment, thank you! The man can be whomever you want. ;) I had someone in mind, but the challenge was to stick to canon, so technically it's not him. ;) Thanks again for reading this, I appreciate the review! ~Gina :)
This was a really fun read. I think that you captured the spirit of Arthur Weasley really well. I can't say that I ever thought about this ability of his before, but now that you've brought it to my attention, it makes a lot of sense with his character.
There are a few spots throughout where the language is not quite what I think would fit Arthur Weasley, but he speaks so little (compared to, say, the trio) in the books that it's hard to form a concrete opinion of what kind of language he would use. But despite that, I think you conveyed the feelings and emotions well throughout.
Author's Response: I’m not certain how much of Arthur’s observational abilities I can justify from Canon. But he must be good at something.
You’re right about how little he speaks. That was one of my problems. He says very little in this story, either. That fact was what finally forced me into the First Person POV.
Neil
As a Harry Potter-based fanfic, I think it kinda has to be Ron about Hermione. I mean, I think you'd have to invent characters who were in just the same situation as they were in order to make it work for anyone else. But I did like the emotion behind it, and the writing flowed well. I think you did a good job capturing Ron's feelings (with the prior assumption, of course, that he'd ever write a journal in the first place).
Author's Response: Very true, unless you wanted to take in a slightly AU sort of direction, and slid your own female character of choice into place. It could really work for anyone, part of the reason I didn't put any names in. I wanted to sort of leave it up to the reader.
For Hugo, wouldn't it be "Dad" not "Uncle Ron"? Oh well...I knew who you meant.
I really liked this. And while I think it would absolutely be worthwhile to do something like this for more characters, I'm glad you started with Hermione. I think you know by now that Ginny might just be my favorite character (and the Harry/Ginny ship alongside), but I really don't think Hermione (and Ron, by extension) get the treatment they deserve. I liked your detailed description of Hermione's personality, and I thought that the style you chose to showcase her with was very unique and creative. Nice job!
Author's Response: Haha, I just fixed that. Thanks for pointing it out :) I'm glad you liked this! I, too, am a bigger Harry/Ginny fan than Ron/Hermione (Harry and Ginny are probably my OTP, at least for the Harry Potter universe) but I really wanted to explore Hermione's character. Thanks for the review!
It leaves out a lot, yes, but I think that even helps remind the reader how focused on Harry these two proud parents have been. While I'm sure they must have watched and seen other people and events, I think that their focus would always be Harry, no matter what else happened. I thought it was a little sparse in description in some places, but considering how much you fit into this one "chapter," I can't see how you could have fit more. I also really liked that, while this wasn't so much a romance fic, we got to see the overlap of James and Lily's (eternal) romance and Harry and Ginny's blossoming one.
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! Yes, in my mind James and Lily were always most focused on Harry, no matter what. There were definitely parts that could have done with more, but it is what it is. And I have to say my favorite parts were those that dealt with romance, although this wasn't a romance fic :) Thanks for the review!
Okay, so you already know that Ginny is one of my favorite characters (the only one anywhere close being Lily, largely thanks to your forays into her character), but this was especially great. I really like these character studies, and I thought you did a great job capturing everything about Ginny that makes her so great and that goes unsaid more often than not in the books. Great job!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I do know how much you like Ginny, and I was hoping you would approve of how I had her written in this -- I'm so glad you did! :) I feel like there's a teasing amount of Ginny in the books -- enough to make us love her, but not enough really to explore her character. So much is left unsaid, imo, and it's good to know you think I was able to expand on some of that.
This is shaping up to be a cool story. This is one of the parts of the background story that I most wanted answered, and the start you've provided looks promising. I look forward to following this one.
Author's Response: Thanks. this is a 10,000 word short story in three parts: prologue, chapter, epilogue. i hope that you continue to enjoy it.
-N-
Another good chapter. I like the idea of using Charlie and Bill to be an alibi. I think this is a really cool story, to see what was going on back in the mainstream world while the trio was off in the woods, getting into trouble.
Author's Response: Thank you. The Weasleys will always stick together, I think that even Percy helped them, though I make only the barest suggestion in the story. There is only one chapter left, the epilogue, and then that’s it for Fred and George.
Ginny Weasley Potter is newly married, but matrimony was proving to be more difficult than she had ever expected. Harry was nearly always working, and her dreams of wedded bliss were slowly slipping though her fingers.
And then came Gabrielle Delacour, an incidental acquaintance and an unlikely ally. Gabrielle tries to help Ginny mend her soul and her marriage, but slowly, Ginny realises that there is more to this newfound friendship than she had ever thought possible.
That was...deep. A little off the beaten path from what I'm used to with the Golden Couple, but once I started reading, I couldn't stop. I liked the emotion you put into it, despite the darkness surrounding this situation. I think I'm going to have to go read some fluff now, to clear my head, but it was a fantastic read.
Author's Response:
Welcome back, hehe.
This was my first attempt in fan fiction to give Ginny deeper dimensions. In the series, as well as in fan fic, her characterisation is often glossed over due to the fact that she's treated more as 'Harry's girlfriend/wife' or 'Ron's sister', not as her own separate character with likes and dislikes, dreams and passions, feelings and emotions. While she's not my favourite character, she was the perfect one for this story.
Thanks for reading! I'm glad you enjoyed the story.
~Jess
Okay, so I'll say again that I really love these pieces that you're doing. I think it's very creative, and you've done a great job of using a unique frame to showcase the most important parts of a character.
I thought the Cho section was the weakest in this piece. I agree with her spot here, but it...just didn't fit as well as the others did. I can't actually be constructive here, as I don't know exactly why I feel this way, but maybe it's just that the others loved him so much more (and so much deeper) that Cho's love didn't seem as significant.
The McGonagall segment was a bit of a surprise at first (though it probably shouldn't have been), but I thought it was amazingly well-written. Some of these other characters are obviously in love with Harry, and for fairly straightforward reasons (though I say that not to diminish your ability to so eloquently elaborate on those reasons). But McGonagall's love was so unspoken in the books, and you did an amazing job of extracting and synthesizing it for the reader.
The Lily Luna one caught me off guard at first, but it was pulled together nicely.
I'd really like to know what else you wrote for Ginny's section. I think the flying scene was really good, but I thought it wasn't quite as strong an ending as Ron or Harry were for Hermione or Ginny, respectively.
But despite all that, I still think it was overall a really well-written piece. The emotion that you're able to evoke means that either I'm a huge sap or this is really wonderful. Either way, good job!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! Some people have commented that they don't like this one as much as Hermione or Ginny's, so you're not alone in that. Cho does seem to pale in significance to the others, but I feel like it would be wrong not to include her love for him, even if it was a different kind that was never quite as strong. I'm glad you liked McGonagall's! And as for Ginny's -- I really just wanted to show Harry and Ginny happy together.