This first chapter seemed a bit dull since there were hardly any emotions associated with the actions. For example, the paragraph that starts with:

Before Scorpius had a chance to ask for the pancakes to be passed, several owls flew in through the open windows...

was too mechanical. Scorpius, Draco, and Pansy seem to see the owl crash, and robotically clean up after the mess. The only "emotional" reaction was from Scorpius when he jumped. What did Pansy think about her glass vase being broken? What did Draco think about the loud crash the owl and the vase made?

Pansy hurried over and Scorpius and Draco proudly clapped him on the back

I'm a little confused about who him is. Logically, it should be Scorpius, but in that sentence, it's not very clear.

Draco smiled. “Yes, and we’ll answer all your questions at dinner tonight, but right now, I have to get to work.”

Again, this part seemed off to me. It's not that I don't picture Draco saying that, bu t it's just that the tone I'm imagining him saying it with is just not right. In my head, he sounds pleasantly irritated. Perhaps if you put in more tone words, I would better understand the mood here.

With that, he glanced at his golden pocket-watch and Disapparated.

If Draco needed to get to work, wouldn't he have glanced at the pocket-watch before he announced that he had to go to work?

Pansy quickly finished hers and excused herself, explaining that she had a tight deadline for her column. She wrote for Witch Weekly and had to send this week’s off in the next few hours.

This could've been written more smoothly and more concisely with: ...explaining that she had a tight deadline for her column at the Witch Weekly.

The story about Scorpius' encounters with Gerald and Rachel Zabini was ill-placed and a bit too long to the point where it detracted from your main story. A summary of what had happened in a sentence or two was all that was necessary. If you really wanted to use the entire story, you probably might've wanted to place it at the part where we actually meet Gerald and Rachel ourselves.

Normally he only had to ask once, unless it was an animal, then the answer was “No.”

An awkward sentence. Again, some details detract from the story, making it seem more like a ramble than an actual part of the story.

Scorpius couldn’t be certain but he suspected that his father disliked the drawing room and perhaps some other parts of the mansion.

Here is where some details were actually called for. Maybe in the future, you can show how Scorpius came to that conclusion by showing Draco reacting to the rooms.

The chapter reminded me of one of those old television shows where the characters gathered around and tried to hide any unpleasantness with very light and simple tones. I'm not entirely sure if that was what you were aiming for. Even if it were, it would help to show a few character slip-ups now and then just to show that this is a facade. In any case, it gave the chapter a very odd and unnatural feel. I think it came from the lack of descriptions when it came to actions and tone. I did, however, adore the way you introduced the chapter. The first paragraph had a wonderfully light and springy taste to it.

I'm curious to see why there's such a dramatic change between the Malfoys shown here and the Malfoys in the books. They're so much friendlier and family-like here than they were in the books. Again, a few slip-ups to show that they are the same people I know would be good.

Finally, and I'm sure you already know this, Pansy didn't end up marrying Draco. Perhaps you need a little note/warning to indicate this canon difference.

I love the montage of emotions that you've displayed in this story. You gave us a full view of the consequences of becoming a werewolf and just how painful, in so many different aspects, it can be.

There are a few things you may want to correct though.

I didn't mean to sound rude, but it just came out that way.
Since Kate pointed out her blatant rudeness, I expected to see some pain in her mother's response. Kate seemed regretful for sounding rude, but her mother showed no indication of noticing.

"Mum" should be capitalised in "Yes, Mum," since it's a familial title. If you said "my mum," then it wouldn't need to be capitalised. Same with "Mum, Dad" later on in your chapter.

Whenever I told my mum I was going for a walk, I usually went into the forest that was near our house.
This implied that Kate didn't really go for a walk in the forest, she just says she does. You may want to simplify it to say what you mean.

I opened my eyes quickly as I heard heavy footprints.
You can't hear 'footprints.' You probably meant 'footsteps.'

I now knew what that creature was. It was a creature that nobody would want to face. A creature that would make a brave man run. The creature that was stalking me was a werewolf.
A very climactic point in your story. It would have a stronger effect if you had separated it so that each of those sentences was a separate paragraph.

The werewolf, with its damned ears, heard me.
What's so damnable about the werewolf's ears? Maybe instead, you could use "The werewolf, with its damned acute hearing."

The scene with the werewolf would've benefited from a horrific description of the werewolf. Even if she can't see, she had a "vivid image" of the werewolf; perhaps she could describe to us what she had seen even if it was just in her mind's eye.

It is near the end of your story where I have trouble understanding what the theme of the story is.

We needed to grieve for what I have become.
Understandable, of course. But the major part of the story ends with such a sad tone of how the Greenburg family is now ruined. So what is there to be proud of? Certainly there are qualities that Kate has, but it wasn't emphasized enough in the story to make me believe that she has anything to be proud of. The two sentences "Be proud of who you are" and "We needed to grieve" conflict each other.

Was this story set in a different time period? I don't completely understand why the entire family would be killed for being related to a werewolf. Something so important and so disastrous would've been mentioned in the book if it happened to Lupin. I understand that their lives would've been ruined (being laid off from the Ministry is probable), but to have people actively murdering others who have not one indication of having the werewolf characteristics seems farfetched in the time frame of Harry Potter. This sort of thing is what we would expect during the Dark Ages when chaos was more dominant. I would've imagined that the Ministry would have laws against this sort of thing.

My review might've seemed harsh, and I apologize for that. You do have a lovely idea for a great story, and you have a knack for developing the dark mood that you've shrouded this story in. It just needs a bit of fine-tuning :)

Author's Response: Thank you for your long review. I\'m deeply flattered that you took your time to help me fix the errors in my story. I fixed the errors, and I hope I\'ve made the story better by doing so. As for your questions... Kate and her family felt the need to grieve back when she first got bitten. But, six years later, she has finally learned to accept who she is. She\'s proud of the person she is. Becoming a werewolf has mad her mentally stronger. And for the time period question... I hadn\'t really explained that in the story. The story takes place in the time period when Harry Potter\'s parents lived, the time when Voldemort was gaining followers. Kate\'s father lost her job at the Ministry, but her family was killed by Death Eaters, who at that time were not on the same side as werewolves. The Ministry never caught any of the Death Eaters who killed Kate\'s family, so they couldn\'t do anything about it.

A very breathtaking piece. I really enjoyed your take on who and what awaited Severus in death. It is very apropos for Lily to be there for him finally.

The beginning of your story, the introduction at the train station was very well described. I simply loved the way you depicted Severus' last moments alive and first moments dead.

A few errors:

It looks as if we’re on the Hogwarts Express, and this well, this is me.
This probably would've been better written as "It looks as if we're on the Hogwarts Express, and this - well, this is me." The missing hyphen makes the sentence, if said out loud as written, more rushed. The hyphen just slows down Lily's words to make it more effective.

"...You” she took in a deep breath
Missing comma: "...You," she took in a deep breath.

I’ve been watching you and though you and Harry despised each other I knew that it was mutual.
That line is awkwardly written. I kind of understand what you're trying to say here: that Severus' hatred toward Harry is justifiable. However, the sentence is out of place here. Right before this, Severus is apologising for what he had done in fifth year, but Lily interrupts him to talk to him about Harry. Also, "you and Harry despise each other" means that the hatred is mutual so the sentence was kind of redundant. Instead, maybe it's better off as: "I've been watching. Thank you for everything you've done for my son despite what has happened."

He nodded his head unsure. “Where are we going and may I ask why are you here?”
Missing comma between 'head' and 'unsure.' The questions Severus asks differ in politeness, so to speak. Is there a reason why 'Where are we going?' is asked more directly than 'Why are you here?' Those two questions are extremely important to Severus, I think, so it would be strong to see what goes on in his mind and how he feels as he asks them. Right now, it seems like he's just being courteous, polite, even after he has finally met the woman whom he lost so many years ago. I think even Severus could afford some emotion, even if it's just the slightest hint of one.

As for why I am here why don’t you ask yourself that question?
Missing comma between 'here' and 'why.'

I wouldn’t be here if you in your subconscious hadn’t wanted to see me when you first died.
I think 'in' should be 'and.' Also, 'when you first died' implies that Severus had died several times (which would be incorrect). The word 'first,' to get the meaning I think you want, would have to be placed after 'me' so that it is '...hadn't wanted to see me first when you died.'

When I died I saw...
It took me a while to realize that Lily was reminiscing here. I think it would make your intention clearer if you moved 'Lily took a deep breath...' before 'When I died I saw.'

The usual hatred he had always felt at the mention of James Potter was not there at this time. Just a deep disliking for him was there at the moment, and even then he was not sure if he even felt one way or the other about him.
Again, some awkward sentences. In the first sentence, the 'at' in 'at this time' is unnecessary. I think it weakens your sentence more by adding the 'at.' 'At the moment' in the second sentence is also unnecessary for the same reason. Also, since your 'he's and 'him's can refer either to James or Severus, you should make it obvious which one you're talking about. A good rule of thumb is to use 'he' and 'him' for only one male character per sentence. Don't use them to refer to both characters. It makes it confusing to the reader.

Well, it took James until Harry was twelve to reach the level of maturity you’ve reached in about an hour.
I'm guessing that this means that it took James eleven years into death to become 'mature.' It was worded awkwardly, so I'm just making sure that's what you meant. But I'm curious to find out what exactly 'mature' means in this sentence and how exactly did Severus show that he's reached the maturity James has.

He asked.
'He' should be lowercased.

And Petunia? Well, Petunia wasn’t there, thank God, but you get the point.”
I was under the assumption that people only get to 'see' the places of their choosing if they're dead. And since right before Lily mentioned Petunia, she was on the subject of places people choose, I could only conclude that Petunia has died, and Lily was about to tell Severus which place Petunia chose to enter death. A little confusing, since I'm assuming that's not what you meant.

Everyone is there except Adolf Hitler, Satan, and all the other supreme evil people in the world.
While that sentence made me smile, I have to say that it wasn't a very appropriate sentence nor was it necessary. Naming the place they're going Heaven is fine; that's what I would call it too, and that's what, I think, Rowling intended to call it. However, naming a Satan and Hitler puts a more personal spin on this and could be found as offensive by different people. I would suggest removing this and the proceeding sentence so as not to offend anyone.

Severus I want you to know that I always have loved you, just the same as everyone else.
What does Lily mean by, I love you just as everyone else? Is she saying that she loves Severus and everyone else does too or she loves him like other people love him? Either meaning would need further explanation since I doubt that everyone loves Severus or that her loving him the way other people like him is any consolation.

Finally, I think the verb choice could've used a bit more variety. For example, you used 'said,' 'replied, and 'asked' throughout your story when, since your story does depend a lot on emotions, it would've benefited from stronger verbs such as 'mumbled,' 'softly whispered,' and 'wondered.' Those verbs connote more meaning and more tone than regular 'said's and 'replied's.

While I did point out a few of the things I found to be erroneous, I really did like the idea behind this story. The symbolism of King's Cross is remarkable, and the relationship between Lily and Severus was beautifully portrayed. That being said, I do believe this story belongs in a...brighter category since everything seems to work out in the end :)

Awww. What a sweet story! I adored your portrayal of Severus' and Lily's relationship. A wonderful pre-Christmas story.

The mention of the Snape family put a more realistic spin on the story. Eileen's undeserved dedication to her husband was an excellent addition to your story and gave Severus' family a more human touch. The risk Severus is willing to take just to please Lily was tremendous as well. What a brave nine-year-old.

I liked the attention to detail to what Lily liked about her gingerbread cookies and how Severus made the cookie. So appropriate and so warming! My favorite line in the story: ...he imagined her studying it long and hard before finally deciding to eat it. And seeing Severus put so much work into the cookie. How cute!

The comparison between Severus' and Lily's gifts to each other was very tender and well-put as well, though I personally would rather receive a hand-made gift to a store-bought gift any day! The comparison between a neat gift to a sloppy gift should've been emphasized a bit more since I was focused more on the effort that was put in each gift. A little emphasis on how neat Lily's handwriting was compared to the red curl on the cookie, etc. would've helped with that. This was the only place where I wasn't understanding why Severus would feel the way he was, but it was a fleeting doubt since you explained it soon after. Nonetheless, the aforementioned comparisons would've made your intentions clearer.

The ending was a bit choppy compared to the flow of the rest of the story.

He was relieved that she had liked the present, and she had even kissed him!
This sentence wasn't necessary since we knew this from Severus' reaction.

She was waving good-bye to him again now, and he knew she had to leave because she had her family waiting. He smiled and waved back and then left for his own house. He may not have a loving family, but he still had his love for her.
The connection between these sentences wasn't very clear. We see the contrast between the two families already in the beginning, and family didn't really have anything to do with the theme of the story, so the focus wasn't quite right. I think the ending would've had a much greater impact if you had stuck to the theme of imperfections, that even though the love the two of them had for each other was so imperfect like Severus' gingerbread man, he still loved her or something to do that effect. The ending just seemed off to me compared to the rest of this beautifully crafted story.

It was creative of you to set this in the holiday season and even more creative to center this story around a simple, delicious gingerbread. Again, a very warming story that was a delightful read!

When I saw that you had written a James/Lily story, I knew this was the one I would read. You wrote a very intriguing summary, and the title is very interesting. I am eager eager eager to see some James/Lily action in your story if it is indeed as sweet as your summary makes them out to be :)

A couple of comments as I read your story:

She came from a family of Muggles; which meant for the holidays she had no real connection with the magical world.
The semi-colon is unnecessary. A simple comma would do just fine since "which meant..." is not a complete sentence. Same thing further into your story with "They headed through the crowds to Flourish and Blott’s". Also, moving "for the holidays" to the end of the sentence sounds better/more fluid.

Granted, Lily loved to see her family, but after five years of living with magic she missed having it around.
This sentence is a little awkwardly worded though I understand what you're trying to say. This sentence seems to say that for five years, she's been living with magic now and suddenly finds herself without it. Maybe try something like:
Granted, Lily loved to see her family, but after her fifth year at Hogwarts, she missed having magic around.

...but that didn’t stop her from missing him like crazy and wondering what might have happened if she hadn’t ditched him.
"Ditched" might be the wrong word in this context. Perhaps "if they had remained friends". "Ditched" has that negative connotation of leaving someone behind for someone else, even though we know that is the case here (hee).

Lily's banging pots and pans around seems a bit extreme, especially if it's all due to a certain Severus Snape on her mind. I think it would have helped to give us more insight into what exactly was going on in her mind. What were her feelings toward Snape at that moment that made her bang stuff around? It might also be good to explain what 'awful things' snape had done to Lily. Refresh our memory a bit hehe.

The apostrophe is missing for a few of these possessive nouns: teenage girl's room, your friend's house, her sister's face and the Collins spirit.

I'm not sure if you meant heart-wrenched sob when you said heart-wrenching sob. Is the sob supposed to make our heart...wrench (heart-wrenching)? Or is the sob caused by Lily's frustration toward her sister (heart-wrenched)?

...which was a huge success, considering all the magic that went into producing everything.

I'm not certain what this sentence means. Is it a huge success because of how little magic is going in? I don't see another way of interpreting this.

I find it just a little weird that Lily would open the door for Chloe rather than her own parents. And she didn't even need much coaxing either. I'm sure her parents would be a little hurt to see that.

I'm also not understanding why Lily told Maddi that it wouldn't be okay, not this time. Perhaps if you had explained Lily's feelings about Severus more in this chapter, it would've made more sense, because right now, we only have a vague idea of how Lily feels about Severus by taking what we had already read in the Harry Potter series.

as Chloe stopped to a witch
I think there's an extra "to" there :)

I appreciate you adding Lily's attempt to reconcile with Petunia. It is a very good touch, and it's something I don't usually see in J/L stories. I only wish Lily's attempt had been successful.

Eagerly awaiting your next chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks for the lovely review, Beth! I\'ll fix all the nitpicks when I get a spare moment. \r\n\r\nAs for Lily opening the door for Chloe, I do see your point, but the way I saw it, Lily didn\'t want to open the door for her parents because she was sure they would take Petunia\'s side. Do you ever have those moments where you just don\'t want to deal with your family?\r\n\r\nThanks again for all your comments. *hugs*

Leslie! I thought I would finally get to read something written by you! :D

She’d been spending a lot of time around Teddy lately, and since Victoire tried to do the same, she’d attempted to look past the fact she was Irish, blonde, beautiful, and much more demanding of Teddy’s attention than Victoire was comfortable with.
There are a few too many shes in this sentence. It takes a while to sort through them to realize who you are talking about. Maybe to be consistent, use she to refer to one of the girls and a name for the other.

I really enjoyed the banter between Victoire and Tina on the way in. It was a very interesting conversation, a unique version of the less poetic ones I hear on a daily basis. I very much like Tina, especially when they encounter Seth (love the subtlety there!), but I'm hoping she doesn't have a side-kick role in this story and isn't a catalyst but a real person.

It’s not a victory party without Victoire feeling victorious, I always say...
Made me laugh out loud! Very witty :D

The scene with Rand seemed a little off to me. I would think it was a bit exaggerated (but of course, there are people like that -_-). It seems foolhardy for someone to be so bold and sexual toward a girl he goes to school with. There are consequences for doing so, especially involving his reputation.

I very much enjoyed the subtleties of this chapter. The romance between Victoire and Teddy was one-sided but not and obvious but not. A very good mixture of unsureness and wooing and friendship. Victoire and Teddy certainly do seem like a great pair, romantically and just friendship-wise. The tie-in with the Potters was a great touch; it reminded readers more firmly that Victoire and Teddy have indeed known each other for a very long time and are practically family. I'm definitely moving on to the next chapter and cannot wait to see the outcome!

Author's Response: The only explanation I have for Rand is that he was charmed by her veela tricks. He was obviously forward to start with, but when she \"encouraged\" him, he had no inhibitions. Thanks for your review, Beth!

...although he [Bill] usually complied with most of them, he seemed to do it just because he agreed on the rules, not because he respected them

This sentence struck me in particular because this seems to be the attitude a lot of people I know have. A very good way of wording it.

That she let him grow up on her own, because she thought he was very good at it.

This sentence is a little confusing. Did you mean let him grow up on his own?

The beginning of your story was beautiful. I loved the comparison between each of the Weasley siblings in Molly's eyes. While I'm not a mother, I can see how sometimes it's hard not to have a favorite. The way you described how Percy's leaving impacted Molly was beautiful. The way she glances at the clock, the way she couldn't deal with the rejection of her son.

My favorite part, ironically, was when Fred died. It seemed like Molly was finally understanding that each one of her children was precious and that she can't bear to lose any of them or choose between them.

I felt that that was the best place to stop the story. I would've found the message of the story more agreeable had you stopped there.

I felt the description of events following Fred's death were rushed. I suppose you did have to put a cap, an ending, and follow the same comparison-between-Weasleys format that you started with. However, none of the information seemed necessary since we know what had happened afterwards (at least, what happened to Ron, Ginny, and Bill). It seemed like the only reason why you included all the information that you did (the Weasley sibling's children) was just to follow the pattern. It didn't make a smooth transition.

And I found it odd that even after Fred's death, Molly still saw Percy as her favorite. While I understand that perhaps this story is more focused on the bonding between Molly and Percy, I can't help but wonder if she didn't learn anything from her emotions after Fred's death.

Like I said, if the message was about how there couldn't ever be favorites amongst your own children, I would've loved this story. Though the theme of the story wasn't what I wanted, I still think you handled this story well and that you portrayed each character, particularly Molly, superbly.

This poem was just bursting of emotion. Very angsty, very appropriate.

I'm a bit confused about the first stanza though. How does Draco emerge from the shadows? Why is he casting a spell? Is this what Narcissa sees in her mind's eye? If so, you may want to clarify that. It's great imagery; it's just hard to understand where it's coming from, under what circumstances, and why.

A whisper of what once was.

That line was especially lyrical and well-placed. The fluidity of that stanza was remarkable. The words, when I say it out loud, literally flowed off my tongue so naturally.

Time rewinds and,
Images flash,
Pain,
Fear,
Despair,
Longing.

I think this stanza would've been stronger if the commas (except the first one) were periods instead. The periods would've made me pause longer at each word and would've made for a lonelier effect - as lonely as Narcissa would've felt. Is Narcissa thinking about herself here? She's remembering something that causes horrible emotions in her, especially with the stanza after this one, but what could it be? Voldemort is causing this, obviously. Are you suggesting that Narcissa is remembering when Voldemort gave the orders to the Malfoys in person? "Time rewinds" suggests that it was a longer time ago.

In the second to last stanza, Narcissa's cries are described as masked and as a façade. But, she seems to crying sincerely and letting go of all her emotions (especially since after having her flashbacks and especially since she hasn't "buried her heart"). Wouldn't saying that she's masking her anguish be the opposite of what she's truly doing?

The last stanza was an incredibly powerful conclusion to a very descriptive poem. However, again, I feel that there are some phrases here that contrast what happened canonically. "Burying my heart" - does that mean Narcissa wants to feel no more emotion toward her son? Does she want to forget and make the inevitable loss less painful? "To slip into the darkest corners of my mind" suggests that Narcissa had given up, which we know is not the case since she goes to find Snape.

This was a good poem, especially for your first try, but there were just some parts I didn't understand very well. I look forward to seeing another one from you soon :)

Author's Response: I really think the first stanza is up for interpretation. I imagined it to be the moon (signifying night), seeing as I have an odd fascination with it, I think it could be numerous things. Yes,those feelings are caused by our dearest Voldemort. \r\n\r\nEh, for that other stanza I have to agree, it was quite unclear. I was writing about how the night covers up her misery and despair, it\'s a safe time for her. For the mask and façade, it meant that she usually has to cover it up, no one can know, so she keeps it buried inside. Narcissa has to bury her heart so others can\'t see what she truly feels,so that\'s the \'mask.\'\r\n\r\nTo clarify burying her heart more, she is by no means letting go of Draco, just hiding her emotions. This all ties in with what I just said a paragraph above. The night is a haven so she is free to slip into the darkest corners of her mind and let go.\r\n\r\nThat was a lovely review, I appreciate it very much. I hope you enjoyed it despite the confusion I caused. =)