I have arrived with the review I promised days ago, however crappy it may be. :)

I honestly really liked this, Lily. It developed really nicely, and I have to say the kiss from Sirius was a shock. I was thoroughly prepared for Remus to have it be unrequited. [:(] I have to admit I basically squeed when I found out it wasn't so.

The characterization was great, Lily. Remus's logic and just way of thinking (as well as self-pity) was shockingly accurate, as was Sirius's impulsive way. But my favorite person in this was probably Lily. I remember a quote from PoA, when Remus is talking to Harry, and it says she sees the best in people, and didn't judge (or something of the sort). I could really see her here; she's shocked, but she still keeps a somewhat calm exterior. :)

But I just want to give Remus a hug. His time with Sirius was so short, but I guess we all knew that would happen. Still had to hope for a bit of AU for a happy ending.

I did have one small quibble: I don't like how you had Tonks/Remus in this. I think that in canon, well, he'd have to be a really, really good actor to actually feel that way. Maybe she reminded him of Sirius? It probably could have stood better with just a little more explanation. The only other thing Icould say is that the ending is a little rushed.

Other than that ... great story, twin!

Author's Response:

But I had to keep it canooooon - although i get what you say about it being rushed and not detailed enough *sigh*

Hey, Nicole!

I don’t know what I expected when I clicked this piece, but I am thoroughly amazed. We all know about Colin and his camera, but this reaches beyond that. The level of detail regarding every picture taken - the thought that went into every one of his actions - was beautifully stated, without being over the top.

One of the most interesting aspects of this piece was the style. It’s written in a narrative from Dennis’s point of view, which added to how bluntly and painfully everything was said. I loved how at some points, it sounded like he was talking to Colin, while at others it seemed more for his own understanding. It allowed for all of the brilliant ideas to be stated without seeming over-dramatic or overdone; on the contrary, I think it’s the understatement of everything that makes it so great. It’s a mish-mash of childhood stories, but it’s so incredibly bittersweet because of the information we all know at the beginning: this isn’t just about a boy with a camera, but a reflection on the only thing Dennis will ever have with his brother - the past. I also loved how some parts were choppier while others seemed to flow more smoothly - it alerted us, as readers, to where Dennis was either struggling to describe something or struggling with his own emotions. One thing I might say, though, is that you tend to use a good amount of ‘-‘s, especially when Dennis is excited. It can distract from the flow, and it’s just something to look out for. :)

Dennis. Oh, he is a far cry from the excited younger brother we always see in the books. He’s remorseful, but even though he talks all about his brother’s eye for detail, he possesses an incredible one of his own. Often in stories we see characters forget as time passes, but if anything Colin seems sharper to Dennis. He’s constantly noticing new things, even if he doesn’t necessarily want to. I also love how you distinctly made Dennis, though this piece isn’t about him really, seem different from Colin. Where Colin constantly finds meaning and beauty in everything around him (even if it isn’t at all), Dennis is left wondering why. He doesn’t understand fully, until it’s too late and all he can do is stare at the pictures his brother took.

The photography aspect of this piece was done incredibly well. You manage to describe what they all are so vividly, while never truly talking about what they entail, unless it means something to Colin. I also really liked how it felt like most of Colin’s pictures didn’t turn out, whether they were blurry or the lighting was bad or something. Because Colin kept them, and therefore let us see them. It’s easy to simply stick Colin behind the camera and call it canon, but you interwove the camera into everything that he did.

The ending was very brief, and said something I found incredibly poignant. Colin was always the one behind the camera, and in the entire story until that point, he hadn’t appeared in one photograph. And when he finally did, Colin was hidden - tucked under the arm of someone else. That was the price he paid for his fascination with the pictures. He was always the one behind the camera, instead of ever being in it. And with his life being so short, there was no opportunity for someone to eventually realize this and shove him into a few later.

Overall, I thought this was brilliant. It was a great character study, and extremely poignant and thought-out. I think the saddest part was that it was a story of Colin’s childhood, and we knew he’d never reach adulthood. Nothing was overstated, and it felt very minimalistic, compared to overdramatic. The entire piece made me feel like I was personally rifling through all of Colin’s photographs, and that’s a sort of intimacy that’s hard to reach. Brilliant job!

Ellie

Hi, Soraya. :)

This was a lovely start. After reading ‘I Will Lay Down My Heart’, I was very curious as to how Albus and Rose managed to patch up their relationship after the first time. I can’t wait to see where this story goes, because I’m curious to see how Rose and Albus develop their relationship again, and how they destroy it again.

One of my favorite parts of the piece, though, was Lily. I loved her ‘no-nonsense’ attitude, and how she was so worried about Albus. Rose needed someone to remind her that there was another person being hurt by what was going on, and that someone needed to fix it. It makes me wonder a lot about how bad Albus’s mindset really was/is, because Lily didn’t seem like the type to fight other people’s fights, and it really made me think that the situation was bad. Also, I’m wonder how much of a role she - and specifically she and Louis - will play as the story continues.

I also really want to see how Rose develops into the person seen in the first of your Alrose’s. It was an interesting choice for a point of view for this story, especially because of how she treats Albus in the first piece. I’m intrigued by her mindset and why she hurts Albus the way we know she will. She tends to paint the situation to be Albus’s fault, and it’s interesting to watch the reality checks she is given, and how the truth is slowly being revealed. I also love how at the mere mention of his name Rose tensed up. It’s clear that they are both hurting and confused, but I am really drawn in by the idea that the protagonist is, in fact, the villain. Or is she? One thing I might be careful of, though, would be that sometimes Roses switches between detached and missing Albus a little quickly. I know she’s having an internal struggle, but it seemed a little too quickly, especially in the paragraphs right before the first line break.

One of the only things I can say about Albus is that I want to give him a hug. There’s just so much that’s going on with him, and he’s finally reached the point where can’t take it anymore. I especially loved all of the mentions of his eyes, of how empty they were, and just having Rose back in his life brought some brightness back to them. Part of me wonders how long it will take for them to hurt each other all over again and part wonders why he forgave her so quickly, or his lack of anger.

Something that stuck out to me was the brief interaction between James and Albus. I was surprised that James was being that harsh, when he could obviously tell that there was something wrong with Albus. It added to the image of Albus really just having it horribly rough, and I think it gave Rose the final push to talk to him. The encounter did make me wonder about James and Albus’s relationship, though. Part of me wants to believe that James is just really focused on Quidditch, and Albus was playing horribly, but part of me isn’t so sure. Albus didn’t need James beating on him, too, and it was clear James knew that. I found it shocking, and it felt like maybe their relationship isn’t great. I really hope to see it develop in later chapters, and for it to be explored more.

While I love how complex all of the characters and their relations are, I might watch how many you include in the story. The basic core is Albus and Rose, and sometimes involving too many characters can become a handful to manage and can detract from the core. That’s honestly one of the trickiest things of cousin pairings, at least for me- dealing with everyone else in the family. I’m really curious to see what will happen, and if Lily and James will ever truly find out what’s going on between Albus and Rose.

I can’t wait for the next chapter, but part of me doesn’t want to see it. It’s like Oedipus Rex; we all know what will eventually happen, but it doesn’t mean we don’t want to stop it from happening. The title particularly scares me in that aspect, because if the song echoes the theme of the story… I just want Albus and Rose to be together. I know Scorpius will come into the picture, but I honestly don’t know if Albus can handle being hurt again. Overall, this was a lovely start, and I really can’t wait to see what happens next. ‘I Will Lay Down My Heart’ is one of my favorite fics on the site, and it is what made me consider Albus/Rose, so I am anxiously awaiting the next part of this. Best of luck in the Cotillion!

Ellie

Author's Response: Ellieeeeeee! I am so sorry for taking so long to respond D: Your review is far too fabulous and left me gobsmacked, really, hence why the late reply.

Honestly? When I first wrote I Will Lay Down My Heart, I didn't know exactly how it would be possible for them to patch up their relationship after the first time, so it was interesting writing about it. It was also nice writing more about Scorpius, though, because I think this is far more an angsty love triangle than in I Will Lay Down My Heart... and you know how much I love mah love triangles :3

Yaaaaay, you liked Lily! :D Mm, she isn't in this much. I think I just needed someone to get them to be friends again, and James was unlikely to after giving Albus such a hard time on the pitch. So Lily it was ;) But her role in this story is pretty minor, really.

I think I needed to have Rose's POV in this story. She was a right byotch in Blood and Roses, and she wasn't exactly sympathetic in I Will Lay Down My Heart, so I totally get why you felt you needed to see her mindset, and I hope I succeeded in conveying that mindset later on. One thing's for sure, though -- Rose isn't the villain :) There really isn't a villain in this at all, because all three parties have their flaws and awkward moments. In the case of Rose, yeah, she goes through being detached and missing Albus quickly, but this is, as you said, because of the whole internal struggle thing. I deliberately played around with her mindset there regarding Albus.

Aww, I'm glad my Albus is huggable! I love him too, and I felt so wibbly for hiim in a couple of scenes later on (which you'll see if/when you review the other chapters) that this one is nothing, hehe. Oh, and I know, ha, that I mention Albus's eyes a lot, but I am really glad you liked all the references. As for why Albus forgave her so quickly and his complete lack of anger as far as Scorpius is concerned, this is far more because he, at this point, lusts after her and wants above all to please her. Later, when he realises he is genuinely in love with her, that continues.

Ooh, it's interesting you picked up on the James and Albus scene. I know, James is rather harsh here, but he has his reasons. My reason, anyway, is that James is generally a lighthearted person, only ever becoming serious when it came to Quidditch -- hence why he gave Albus a hard time but then jokes with Rose in the next chapter.

Haha, I generally don't think of my Loulily canon in comparison to my canon for AlRose. Either way, I think this could only truly be an issue if there was headhopping taking place -- that is, the constant changes of POV, especially in respect to, say, Loulily happening in one room of the Burrow and AlRose happening in another. Nah, I think I'd prefer to just -- not ignore Loulily, but just to keep it out of the equations, if that makes sense?

I don't know much about Oedipus Rex, but I do know it's a tragedy. I guess this is too, haha, although to a lesser extent, I guess, plus you've actually read I Will Lay Down My Heart.

Thank youuuu for the fabulous review, and apologies again for responding so late :/

Soraya xxx

I really should have reviewed this a long time ago, but I still don't think I can form coherent thoughts.

It's just so different, and (as I absolutely adore this ship) I wondered ever since I saw the drabble what else was to come. I felt so horrible for Albus during the entire thing; to be driven to the point where he needs the potion, then to become addicted... :( It made me easily begin to hate Scorpius, but I'm so glad he realized what an arse he'd been by the end. It's just sad to see that it took a horrible detox to a highly addictive potion for Scorpius to realize what he's done.

There's so much more I want to say, but this was just a;sdlkfjas;dfkljsaf;af and lovely and perfect and just so unique I can't really wrap my head around it. I can't tell you how much I love it; the ship, the way it was written, everything. It's a completely different take on Albus as well as Scorpius, and I adore it and major

Author's Response:

Of anyone who's read this, I'm the most glad that you like this story. At first, I had no idea how you would react, since it was about as romantic as a date to Burger King. However, I pushed on anyway, because I hoped that you would enjoy story and substance more than a haphazard get-together.

Teenage boys are stupid and thoughtless; I'm sure you know this well enough. They don't always mean to be cruel, but they do, and things like this happen as a result. With yet more teenage-boys-are-stupid-and-thoughtless, Albus put himself into a terrible position instead of simply standing up for himself or talking to the right people.

I think I'm most proud of Albus, because more than any other version of him I've done, he reminds me the most of the hesitant boy in the Epilogue, the one who is afraid to not meet expectations. He doesn't want to be weak or at Malfoy's mercy, yet in his efforts to hide his anger at what Scorpius had done, he did just that. Poor guy. :/

Making Scorpius into a bad guy was never an option. Yes, he's an antagonist and the primary source of the protagonist's angst, but it doesn't make him a bad person, but more of a bad decision-maker. And he realises this. You see that there is good in him because he doesn't want to hurt people. It's only a matter of him seeing that he had done and making the appropriate steps to try to repair the damage he'd caused. It was almost a relief to write the ending scene, because while they might not be best friends after this, I think they will both have a renewed respect for the other, as well as a change of preconception.

Anyway, thanks for visiting, and I'm glad you liked the story. :3

~Jess

Hi, Kimmie.

I thought this was truly interesting, especially in terms of style. I’d never really thought about what happened to Dudley, or more specifically Harry and Dudley, after the seventh book, and I think this was simply a lovely take on that. Between the dark overtone of the entire piece and Dudley’s awkward displays of affection, this was a perfect summation of their relationship.

One of the most intriguing bits of this piece was the narrative style. It’s all just Dudley talking, but it made it so much more potent. We were able to see the places where he stumbled, trying to find the right words, and where they just poured out as Dudley remembered someone we learn he truly admired. I especially love how it sounds just like a monologue, from him cutting himself off as he starts to go off on tangents to where he can’t bring himself to talk about his deceased wife. I also think that it kept the story from being too emotional for a character like Dudley. It sounded real and genuine, with all the mess-ups that come with normal public speaking, especially at a funeral. It made Dudley’s grief rawer, but still managed to make it sound like him. It was a risky style, but it definitely paid off, especially in its short form. It’s a short summation of how much they’ve both grown, but I liked that.

I honestly just wanted to give Dudley a huge hug in this, which is something I don’t normally say. I loved how we could sense his awkwardness and anxiety in the beginning, but slowly the pauses and stumbling stopped as he told the story. The brief mentions of his wife, too, because in times of grief he would be reminded of the other one he lost, even though he tries to cover that up. There were so many little touches I just loved; Dudley not knowing when magic was in place, and how he named his son after Harry, and how he would put in the awkward laugh everyone knows happens. It made him seem so real, even as he talked about all the horrible things he wouldn’t. It was how we can truly see Dudley’s regret as he talks about his childhood, but also how grateful he is, that we can believe they truly made friends with him. I also loved how he admitted he wasn’t there, and said he was jealous of Harry’s friends from school. There was also the slight hint of idolization, which we saw the beginnings of in Deathly Hallows, and I love the idea that Harry, who Dudley once despised, became the person he looked up to the most.

Even though Harry wasn’t technically a character in this, I could still feel his presence. The slight touches, like ‘Thanks for helping my boy with all that wizard stuff, when I had no clue”, and how he died still fighting darkness just seemed to fit. Even after everything he went through as a child, once Dudley took the first few steps he was willing to let him back into his life, completely forgiven. He was the only one there for Dudley when his wife died, and he just refused to not see the good in Dudley, still believed in second chances. It was in the little things that we got from their story that just fit so perfectly into the Harry we see in the books, especially at his own funeral. I am interested in how he died, exactly. I think it was just being an Auror, but that would be an interesting idea to explore, because Harry would be almost clueless.

Another thing I truly liked was the inclusion of Danny and Albus’s friendship. While it was subtle, rereading it I realized just how much these two becoming friends did for Harry and Dudley. It was the final push for them to truly reconcile, and as we saw, that made a world of difference for Dudley. It was only mentioned briefly, but now I’m drawn to the idea of this being the tipping point in their relationship. It leaves Danny almost as a Scorpius Malfoy in other fics, and I like how the idea carried over. If you ever decide to delve more into their story, (or already have) I would love to know about it.

The entire setting for the piece intrigued me. I know I would never have thought of writing a piece from Dudley’s perspective at Harry’s funeral. It left a darker undertone throughout the entire fic, and it made Dudley’s admissions feel so much more real. It made it so it was a ‘now or never’ moment, and it really made Dudley, a normally quite non-emotional character, open up. It made the little draw-aways from the main point, especially when he mentioned the Weasleys, ring true, and not just as a necessary connection. It fit so well with what Dudley was saying, and it made me wonder just how much he realized for himself before Harry died, or if these was mostly new feelings for him, too. It also made me wonder what other people had to say about him, especially long after Voldemort died.

Honestly, my favorite part was the ending. You spent so much time working up this beautiful prose, such a lovely narrative, and then the last line hit me like a ton of bricks. “You’re not - oh, damn it, you sodding prick, you’re not a waste of space. You’re the best person who’s ever lived. Good-bye, mate. And thank you.” For the risk of fangirling, this is just such a perfect line. I can picture Harry, wherever he went, laughing and crying at the same time, because he would understand what Dudley was trying to say. The first goodbye mirrors the second, though they’re years apart and under such different circumstances. It was the perfect way to tie up the piece, and a brilliant way to find resolution for Dudley.

This was a brilliant piece. A great character study, and an even greater story of how much Dudley, and Harry, grew over the course of their lives. Brilliant job, unique style, and just lovely overall. Keep it up!

Ellie

Author's Response: Words cannot express how grateful I am to see this! I'm so glad you liked the story and took the time to write such a beautiful review!! Responses like this are what make me want to keep writing and now I've got a couple ideas to maybe expand the post-prologue Dudley/Harry story a bit more, which I didn't actually plan to do. I hope you'll keep reading and I will now always look forward to your reviews, should you choose to write them! Thanks so, so much!! :D

Hello. :)

This piece shocked me almost the point of speechlessness. It was just so different, and while that can partially be blamed on the prompt, I think you handled it brilliantly. Everything from who was ‘chosen’, to the magic not working, to the ending… it was all so thoughtfully and meticulously planned out.

One really interesting aspect of the piece was the style. I liked how it was divided into three parts - and each part held such a different tone. First, the confusion and clarification, second the mindless following, and then last: the finale, the catharsis. In the end of the second there’s just a flicker of doubt, which leads seamlessly into the last part, and the flow was great despite the dramatic turns. I also found the dates intriguing, because of how close the timeline is to the real date. It’s hard to imagine that an apocalypse would start this month, but at the same time it adds something to the piece. The slight dredge of fear that this could actually happen, and how we see it only takes a few months for the entire world to disintegrate. Another thing that I found interesting was how you incorporated the omnipotent being ordering the destruction. It melds their thoughts with what’s happening, and it’s slightly jarring at times - especially when they don’t doubt at all the voice in their heads.

Because of the Alternate Universe-ness of this fic, the characterization was interesting, particularly with the ‘Claimants’. So much thought went into choosing the characters, no matter how brief or seemingly insignificant their parts were. Romilda, the communication; Terry, the magic expert; Hermione, the brilliant; Angelina, the impulsive; and Draco, the poisoner. I especially loved how Harry wasn’t involved, because it implied that while the Claimants were the best at killing, they were also too weak to resist the voice telling them to kill. Harry, having experience with voices, was able to resist, and started the resistance.

Hermione and Draco, and their not-quite-but-almost relationship especially intrigued me. In this, Hermione is different than I’ve ever seen her: cold and calculated, compared to the normally brimming with compassion. I think her intelligence was the strongest thing tying the canon and this version together, because otherwise I was slightly concerned that this was an OC with Hermione’s name. There were some points where she cracked, particularly when talking to Draco, but I wonder how someone painted as so strong in canon fell to the voice so quickly. It was like she’d accepted it, instead of always questioning things like she did in canon. I did like how glimmers of her did slip through the control of the voice, though, because it gave slight hope that she could stop this, only to have it crushed.

My favorite character in this was probably Draco, though, because he retained the most of himself. Always aloof in canon, but it’s been proven he’ll follow orders, even if he thinks they’re wrong. It felt like book seven again, when he doesn’t want to do it, but he isn’t strong enough to take control. It justifies why he was claimed, but also what they do at the end. He’s what ties this piece together, through all of what happens. However, I was still slightly apprehensive of his relationship with Hermione. While the Hermione in this is different from canon Hermione, it still felt as if their relationship was a little forced. Even though they were thrown into this situation together, both struck me as the type to try to find a solution or finish it quickly, without worrying about things. The conversation about their children helped ‘soften’ them, so to speak, but it still felt odd. The characters you created didn’t just didn’t seem to want to feel romantically for each other. This might be strengthened strong stance against the pairing, but I think the piece could have gone without it. It was a nice addition, but it added something to an already highly complicated piece. I did enjoy the ending, though, as it definitely seemed just very ‘Draco’. He kissed her after she died, but also acknowledged that even in a different world, it wouldn’t work out. It almost felt like ‘Romeo and Juliet’, with them being the last two alive, then committing suicide. A perfectly tragic ending to the end of a tragic piece.

In terms of the prompt and the piece, the most surprising thing for me was the ‘god’, or whatever it can be called. Why, suddenly, would a voice appear in the people best equipped to exterminate the world and tell them to do it? Why would they listen? I like how you have him almost possess the Claimants, because in canon they’re (mostly) considered the ‘good guys’. I think he was the perfect antagonist, because it made the people appear to be nothing more than chess pieces, tools. He made them aware, though, and I love how that fear came through at the end, because they, too, had to die, even if they were ‘claimed’. It’s hard to incorporate a religious aspect in a piece involving magic, because of how much they clash in history, but I think you handled it well. It wasn’t worshipped; it was just an evil force controlling everyone. On that topic, I know the prompt explains why this happens, but I would have loved to actually see it in the piece. Even if it’s just a sentence or two at the beginning, explaining the corruption of the world. It would validate the piece as well as free it from having to be supported by the prompt.

There was something extra you added to the prompt that I absolutely loved: you took away the wizard’s magic. While I don’t know how that’s possible, as the roots of why magic exists is something not generally discussed, it added to the gore of this. It forced the Claimants and the Resistance to do things the ‘messy’ way: there was no way to hide the terribleness or the gore of their actions, and that highlighted how wrong the idea that this was happening. They couldn’t neatly and nicely kill with ‘Avada Kedavra’; they had to do it the most raw and primal form. I could be looking too far into this, but I liked that, how it made it seem more part of nature - like this was simply secondary succession, or evolution. To bring the earth back to its state before humans ruined it, the humans had to ruin themselves in such a primal way. That’s what I truly think made this piece so incredibly dark. It was in the violence, the mind control; d/a was woven into every fiber of it, and it’s incredible how you did that while avoiding the angst. Even at the end, the final catharsis, it’s blunt and not at all angsty. That’s what I adored about this, even as an angst writer.

Overall, it was a fabulous and original idea, and it was a pleasure reading it. :)

Ellie

Author's Response: Hi Ellie,

First: WOW. Wow, wow, holy mackerel and cheeseballs, what a review! Probably the longest I’ve ever received! I am humbled and flattered and so, so, SO grateful that you took the time to leave such a wonderful and insightful comment! I wanted to craft a reply worthy of your time, which is why it’s taken me so long to get this posted. Sorry for the wait! But here it goes.

I really like to go into my writing with a plan, some sort of structure. Free-forming doesn’t typically get me anywhere, and I find that I can focus a lot more on the little details if I already know the direction I want to go in. I’m happy that I was able to surprise you with where I went with the prompt. I’ll admit, I thought I was playing it a little safe by sticking so closely to it, so to hear that you thought it was ‘different’ and ‘shocking’ and ‘brilliant’ really tickles me! :D

The three parts has to do with my compulsive need for order and structure, but yes, the separation of tone was also important. The three parts are not quite chapters to me; I more saw it like a sweeping narrative – variations on a theme – more than discrete stories within the story, if that makes any sense. I chose the timeline that I did because I wanted all of the characters to be around their 30s – just settling into a new stage of their lives, but out of all the hustle and bustle and change that can come in one’s 20s. It’s certainly convenient that it added a slight bit of unease to the piece!

It’s interesting that you think Harry started the Resistance. In my head, he was dead – had committed suicide rather than kill his loved ones. I didn’t state it in the fic because I didn’t think many people would pick up on it, or even think twice about the detail, but now I’m doubly glad I left it vague! I did choose what characters I included in this very carefully. Each of them had a role to play in the grand scheme, and each, too, would have struggled (in their own ways) with the Claimants’ takeover. Some accepted it more easily than others, and whether this was a personal weakness or a personal strength, I think, is debatable.

I can see how Hermione is OOC in this. Honestly, I’d debated warning for it, but decided against exactly because of those glimmers. Only the exceptionally strong and experienced (like Harry) could withstand the Claimants. Hermione, for all her intelligence and compassion, still doesn’t have a ton of experience dealing with voices in her head. It was unlike anything she’d ever experienced and, since it took her so off-guard, she could do nothing to prevent it or dislodge it once it settled in.

I must say, though: that I could give you hope that she could win against it and then squash that hope really makes me happy. Lol. This is a horror piece written for a horror fest, and there’s nothing more horrific than the utter loss of hope.

Draco was my favorite character in this, too, and I think the story worked better with us seeing him through Hermione’s eyes than it would have seeing the world through his eyes. The inability to escape the remains of his family and the strength to which he had attached himself to them post-War helped keep him sane. I consider him mentally and emotionally stronger than Hermione, given the crap he’d been put through as a child and a teen, and so he was a little less controlled by the Claimants. I think, too, that he was the character best suited to end it, to kill Hermione and then himself.

As to the nature of Draco and Hermione’s relationship, it was supposed to feel forced and one-sided. In order to distract the minds of the people they had claimed, the Claimants drove them to be social. When talking wasn’t enough, they drove them further. What happened between Draco and Hermione, Bill and Angelina, and Neville, Terry, and Romilda was in no way romantic or fated or beautiful. It was forced, yet another facet of their lives over which they had no control. Since humans are, by nature, social creatures, I imagine it helped them deal a little bit better with the pain they were inflicting, but it wasn’t a cure-all, and it wasn’t meant to be long-term.

I really didn’t want to get too much into the ‘why’s of the piece. Religion is a touchy subject, and it’s not one I care to read or write about. I can understand the need to know, to have an explanation, but sometimes, there just isn’t one, and I don’t have one for you now. Hahaha

Taking away magic was something I knew I wanted to include in the piece from the very start. I think it makes things much scarier, and much more personal. Sending an Avada someone’s way is easy, really. It’s impersonal, distant, and clean. Taking that option away from witches and wizards forces them to get dirty, to get blood on their hands in the most literal sense. And I don’t think you’re reading too much into the ‘evolutionary’ feel. I think that could make the argument for considering the force behind the Claimants as beneficial, or benevolent, instead of evil, in fact. Lots to think about, there.

Anyway! How’s that for a reply?! Hahaha. Thank you so much, again, for leaving such an insightful, well-crafted review. It was a pleasure to read and reply to! Sincerely,

-Mel.

Hello, Maple. :)

When we were first discussing SPEW Swap stories, and you told me this idea, I had no idea what to expect. I can honestly say that this was not it, but it has earned its place as one of my favorite stories - not just of yours, but of MNFF as a whole. There were so many layers of complexity, and so many sensitive topics, but it never became too much, and each one was handled delicately and respectfully.

One of the things I thought was the most intriguing about this piece was the style. I love how it was told in short moments, and how there wasn’t a lot of inner monologue. The dialogue and body language writing was so effective it would have almost felt redundant in the scenes to mix in their thoughts, but at the spots where Oliver’s thoughts were prominent, though, you handled his struggle brilliantly. I also enjoyed how it was told out of order: it started near the end, and then while the reader caught-up there were still allusions to the first scene we read. It was amazing how you repeated the same scene twice, but the second time packed so much more punch. One of the most surprising things about this fic was the style of language; I don’t think I’ve ever read this serious of explicit in anything you’ve written, but they felt necessary and natural for the characters during the situations presented.

The character that truly shined for me was Oliver. Throughout the piece he’s faced with the same decision over and over - to act as a supporting friend to Katie, or to do what he thinks is right (for her or the team). Later, the friendship develops to love, but I thought his struggle was truly interesting. He’s the only one who seems to notice just how much she’s struggling with her injuries, and who’s willing to think ahead for her. Yet sometimes he chooses to simply be supportive, even though the back of his mind is still telling him something is wrong. I found his clear and unbiased judgment really refreshing, giving how intimate he became with Katie, though eventually that translated into genuine worry. And then everything comes to a head, and I saw a major turn in Oliver’s character. It’s like he decides that the only thing that matters is Katie, and how to help her fix the self-harm problem. It was like a switch turned on, and he wasn’t going to give up. Even if she cut him off. That was where his decision changed, and I found that brilliant. By changing the answer to the question he faced the entire story, he allowed us to see just how much he cared for Katie. It hit me so hard when Oliver said he felt helpless because of this - he felt like he failed. Because he couldn’t magically fix Katie. She had to fix herself.

By the end of the story, I just wanted to give Katie a hug. She’s dealt with so much in her life, and everything that had been bubbling under the surface since the war boiled over. She was struggling with many things during the story, yet you didn’t let her character stop at the disorders. Katie was a Quidditch player, someone who could make Oliver Wood spit out his Butterbeer, and incredibly strong to survive what she did. She felt so wholeheartedly real, and that made it so much more painful when we started to see her breaking. Katie was nowhere near perfect, though; she shut out Oliver once he found out about the self-harm instead of allowing him to help, and she shut him out before then, too. She was terrified and stubborn, and that’s a dangerous combination.

One topic I have to address is the self-harm. That is such an incredibly sensitive topic, especially now, and like any mental disorder one must tread carefully so as to not romanticize it. You did not do that one bit, and it wasn’t simply used as a plot device either. Rereading it, I saw all of Katie’s warning signs: the pressure from her mum, the body image issues, and the stress of Quidditch. The most poignant line of the entire piece, for me, was this one: “No matter what, Katie, despite of the scars, you know you're beautiful”. It felt like the perfect thing for Oliver to say, because he didn’t romanticize it, but he managed to show how much he truly cared for her, and simultaneously tried to help her stop (assuming body image issues were a contributing factor). And then Oliver didn’t press Kate, he held her and let her cry and deal with her own emotions. One thing you did brilliantly was how Oliver couldn’t fix her, that Katie had to (and want to) fix herself. In the first confrontation, Katie so desperately tries to prove she’s okay (so that Oliver will leave her alone and she can continue cutting), but her hands shake because he does know. Then Katie is incredibly defensive, because self-harm is an addiction that’s hard to break free from, and cuts one of her favorite people out of her life because the addiction is basically telling her to. She’s in danger of being stopped by Oliver, and that couldn’t be. Oliver, to his overwhelming credit, does not give up, and you left us with a spot of hope at the end that Katie will be okay.

The ending was up-in-the-air, but it still managed to bring a sense of closure to the piece. We don’t know if Katie and Oliver get back together, or if Katie is ever okay, but there’s hope that it will. Though it was oddly romantic - slipping a piece of paper under her door - it fit Oliver. He had been trying for a long time to talk to her, to contact her, but then it came down to what she needed: for someone to have faith in her. And because he’s post-finding-out Oliver, what Katie needs is the only thing he can consider when trying to write this note. It was sweet, and though I wish we could have a slight reaction from Katie, the lyrics as the note tie the song to the piece and leave us with a brilliant ending to a simply spectacular piece. Amazing job!

Ellie