*giggles* Wizard fiction, Nan? Have you got any idea how much I envy that marvellous story-telling ability of yours? And then I don’t mean the story Tonks was reading, of course, but all the lovely details you come up with and include. They really set this story apart from others; it gives it such life.

You probably found my last review sadly lacking in constructive criticism, and I’m afraid this one won’t be any better. But that’s not my fault, really; I’m blaming it on you and your devoted beta reader. So there. ;)

I think it’s wonderful that Tonks is so determined to find out what’s going on with Mavis Rosier. I can see an Auror in her already – and how fitting that she’s reading a mystery novel! Oh yes, that reminds me! I was going to suggest that Tonks’ clumsiness interferes with her spying on someone at some point. It was just something that I came to think of while catching a glimpse of the future Auror Tonks, as she nearly failed the Stealth and Tracking part of her Auror examination.

It bothered her that they had planned to go without asking her ahead of time, and she considered turning them down to prove that she did not need to do everything they did — she was tired of being the tag-a-long. On the other hand, if she refused they would just go without her.

I quoted that part because I want to talk about how well you nurture the feminine sides of Tonks. Not that she was ever described as masculine, but I think that a lot of people see her as bit of a tomboy. But you show us so many aspects of her feelings (like, perhaps not crushing on, but clearly being a bit enthralled by Bill), and the part I quoted is just. So. Girly. Or perhaps it’s in the contrast between how the boys think and how she thinks. Kevin and Charlie probably never even considered that Tonks would be offended by not being asked to go sooner; at least it’s my belief that many boys don’t think that way. Whereas Tonks reacts exactly like I would have myself. Fortunately, Tonks decides to go with them anyway, which, in my eyes, makes her a strong person. She would rather go along and get a chance to have some fun, than stay and mope because it wasn’t on her conditions. And, *cough*, the conclusion of all this babbling is that I think you write Tonks perfectly, Nan dear.

“Who put you in charge?” asked Charlie. Tonks blinked at the unusual tone of his voice.

This is very interesting, since I mentioned the almost-constantly-happy Charlie in my last review. So perhaps he has a jolly disposition and is generally optimistic about things, but no believable character is happy all the time. You so efficiently remind us that although there are more Weasley children, Charlie is still a little brother. I thought I could hear an echo of Ron here, and you made me realise that having Bill for a big brother must put some pressure on Charlie too, if not as much as having five older brothers puts on Ron. Lovely.

“Myself,” answered Bill lightly. “But I assure you, I am a benevolent dictator.”

Hee. Nothing interesting to say here, really. I just love how you write Bill, and I felt that it was very important to tell you this. *wink*

I should probably mention something about the plot too; you know, with the mysterious ring and all. But… even though Tonks continues with her investigations, it’s all very subtle. (Or else I’m just not very good at picking up plot “clues”, but let’s not talk about that. >.> ) You’re weaving your story so very carefully, and it develops smoothly and flawlessly.

And then, to round off, there is of course the Tonks and Ninette scene. Oh, Nan, when will Tonks and Ninette discover the truth about each other? (That is of course not a question I expect you to answer, but just me worrying for your characters. Bad habit of mine, I know.) I want them to be friends so badly. To tell you the truth, I care much more about their prospective friendship than about what happens with the ring or about Ninette’s mysterious past.

Mesmerising, Nan. Mesmerising.

*silence*

*rubbing eyes* Ehrm, Maeve, how can you ask anyone not to be traumatised when you deliver trains of thoughts and dialogues like that? And I can’t see any reason whatsoever why you would label it “a strange one”?

I can’t believe it, but I think it’s the first time I picked up on a mistake in your works: “Maeve felt the urge to open al the windows in the house…” - it should be ‘all the windows’, I presume. And how tiny was that? You truly are amazing.
Before Maeve makes here decision, this is about a parting. I’ve seen some similar situations in fanfiction, all about the younger characters. They have not been convincing, both because they haven’t been so well written, but also because to the words and feelings have been based on young love, the fiery, passionate kind. This is… well, convincing would be too little, but I trust you to find a suitable synonym. I’m obviously slightly biased, having read your other works and knowing your characters, but the compassion between the two is still dazzling and the way they have become dependant on each other is true, it has really nothing to do with rash feelings of youth.

Nice glimpses of Maeve’s life, but you have to watch yourself or else I (together with quite a few people, I imagine) might make you write all of it, in DoL-style. The image of the old Neville was touching, I much enjoyed how he had become close to Maeve and was there at the end, as supposed to Harry. If Harry was even still around? - “We outlasted them all.”
The very end was fascinating, Afterlife has always been a big issue for me and I love to see how others approach it. I generally don’t like the idea of everyone turning into some common being or spirit or thing, but Severus and Maeve becoming one was just right.

Now, then, exactly how good a friend must one be to get to share that wedding night? ;) All the best, to you.

SQUEEE! *throws arms around Jan, then around Remus and Felicia* After this chapter, I shall die as a happy woman. I could just stop reading Severed Souls now, and rest assured that everything will turn out all right. Not that I will, of course, but I could! *does a little happy dance before settling down to review*

Right, I’ll restrain myself for a bit and start at the beginning.
Remus looked down at the scratched and stained table, wishing someone else could do all the lying and persuading for a change. - how suitable to start off with making me feel the usual sorrow for Mr Lupin. He has just failed to make Maeve stay at Hogwarts, and now he’s not doing so well in getting Harry to go back there. Plus, this time he’s not just doing this because he feels like he should, no, he’s also got Severus breathing down his neck. In a way, I come to think about Roderick in the last chapter, about how Remus is also expected to be a Mr Fix-it. When he gets angry with Harry it’s easy enough to understand why and it’s anger well justified even if some of it was due to frustration. What I found most interesting was Remus’ last line in the scene: “Use your head, not your heart!” - this could just as well have been spoken to Remus himself, by Severus. There’s nothing hypocritical about it though, nor does it feel like Remus has been affected by Severus’ ways. No, I guess what I’m looking at here are just different levels of maturity and logical thinking. Remus accuses Harry of acting like a young Sirius, which leads me not to think about the differences between Harry and Remus, but between Sirius and Severus. Such different men, yet in such similar situations. It’s an interesting thought, that Severus who actually did kill Dumbledore, has more people on his side than Sirius had, even though he was innocent. I keep waiting for someone to draw the parallel to Harry, but I suppose that if it happens, it will be at a well picked moment. :) I like the fact that Harry is not giving in, he’s perfectly in character, and as is Ron. *resists urge to roll eyes at Ron*

Detail picked up from the first scene:
Tom chose that moment to shuffle across. He had been inching ever closer to them in the hope of finding out what they were talking about but as soon as they noticed him they fell silent. - why, I wonder why? Is he just interested in any old gossip, or…?

Some truly delicious Maeve/Narcissa in this chapter. I don’t think I will ever get tired of reading the two of them together, with that dialogue. But although that is interesting, it gets truly exciting when the nightly visitor arrives. It’s such a typical mark of your excellent writing, how you don’t give his identity away at once, but hold back a little to make us wonder. The Jan-descriptions are there as well, as always: The beckoning chill of the heady night swirled in on robes that were black as the darkness they had just left. and Moving with all the grace and furtiveness of a night time hunter…
After Severus looks at Narcissa, I found this part to be worth an extra thought: He found it painful to tear his eyes away and look to the other woman on the opposite side of the room. - painful? Because he’s feeling sorry for her? Or because he remembers their past together, never mind what it was like?

And, the Severus/Maeve… *sighs* They are reason enough to cherish this chapter, from disagreements to understanding, from Severus’ threatening behaviour to their sparkling love. There is so much to appreciate with their interaction, and I can’t quote all of it. I’m just reminded of why, when people talk about their one-true-pairings, Mr and Mrs Snape always come to my mind.
Narcissa’s interruption had me making squeeign noises of protest, and I covered my eyes as if it were a film playing before my eyes – that is how alive and vivid all of your writing is, you know, it turns into detailed settings and real people in my mind. Narcissa is excellent in her distress, irrational and almost panicking she reminds me of some wild animal. I’m glad Maeve stopped her husband, and that she found strength in herself to care for Narcissa when she deserved it the least.

And then, *snogs*, my Roderick appears with his witty words and once-again so merry personality to aid Maeve. What can I do but to love him endlessly? And as if his mere presence wasn’t enough, you give sudden light and hope to my ship: “They’re never too old, my darling, only too penniless.” *grins madly*

Remus! Felicia! *dies repeatedly* Dear God, I’m just such a sucker for love and happiness – it’s really rather pathetic. ;) But even if it was a tad unexpected (I’m still pretending I wasn’t shocked and dumbstruck when I read it the first time), it was not random at all. Yes, I might be a bit weak for happiness, but I appreciate it more when it follows difficulties and tough days, and the most when it’s a pause in times of trouble. I certainly don’t see a safe and secure future for anyone in this story, and love is yet another reason to worry. I used to feel rather confident about Severus/Maeve, but with other couples around I can’t really expect them all to have a happy ending. Well, whatever’s waiting around the corner for all of these marvellously written characters, I know it will be a thrilling read – because it always is when you write, Jan. :)

Yes, it’s The Swede making some sort of attempt to catch up with reviews. =)

“Yes. I killed Sirius’ brother. But it was pure coincidence that Sirius hated me.” - Hmm… This makes me think that Severus believed that Sirius did actually still like his brother, despite not being a part of the Black family anymore. Why would he think so? Simply because they where siblings? He must have known about the disagreement between the two Black brothers, with one being a Death Eater and the other the Godfather of Harry Potter… Anyway, just a random thought.

Let me go back just one step, to the amazing tenderness of the hair brushing. How much he had changed, that he would share a moment like this. That he would be so tactile. It would have been unthinkable just a year ago. *nods* Yes, you are so right. When looking at it as a whole, it’s quite a remarkable change he has gone through since the beginning of DoL. And yet, I can sit here and enjoy the closeness between a wife and a husband, because of the thorough and methodical work you have done on Severus’ character (and Maeve’s, but not to such a great extent). It makes me wonder what you thought at the very beginning, how much you planned to change him… And most of all, what changes he has still go to go through.

Well… I wasn’t going to mention Remus at all, you know, but I can’t seem to help myself. I sit here grinning like my mother would over the sappy ending of a romantic comedy, delighted to read about Remus’ good fortune. And as for Felicia, I know I have read the following three chapters so that might be why, but I still find that I like her more than ever. It’s a bit like… Now, don’t get me wrong, but something about Felicia reminds me of OotP-Tonks. Yes, it’s something small, probably just the jolly attitude and new light introduced to a gloomy atmosphere, but it’s there. I’m not a huge fan of Remus/Tonks in canon (as I think you know), but when reading about Remus and Felicia I can sort of see what JKR tried to do; to find a “perky” lady for the worn Remus. Well, she made a fair attempt. You succeeded. *huggles Remus & Felicia*

He sipped from his glass, irritated by the moustache that caught the froth of the beer. - the POOR man! You gave him a moustache! I mean, I know he has done all of these horrible things, killing people and such, but a moustache?!? I say you’re being hard on him, Jan. *gives up her moustache-burning on Remus and goes to rescue Severus instead*

As always, you give yourself time to set the mood of “new” places, and Maeve’s return to Grimmauld Place is no exception. Descriptions, perhaps seeming unnecessary to some readers, but crucial to me for a good read and as the mark of your work. Like There were signs of Harry and Ron’s recent occupation: a sweet wrapper crumpled on the table, a dirty glass left on the mantlepiece, where it had left a ring as a calling card. and What use is a book if it isn’t being read? These were redundant, and she could feel their wretchedness. *content sigh* But, wait… As I copy/pasted that, my spell check told me it’s supposed to be ”mantelpiece” – could it be so?

And then… *GASP* Ebil, ebil author! Yes, yes, I know what happens later on, but you can’t just kill Maeve like that! Or, clearly you can, and all right, I will give you the credit for doing so with uttermost style. The clocks… *feels little shiver run down spine* Of course, by now I know what’s actually happening in the final scene, but when I first read it I was too worried to realise that the happenings were similar to something I had seen before. I’m glad that Maeve remained unknowing of the cause during her short, horrible experience, because that made the cliff-hanger even better.

<.< Hopefully, it won’t be this long before I review next chapter. I’m being such a bad First Fangirl! But still a fangirl, and one who will still re-read chapters during the wee hours of the morning, and try to squee quietly so not to wake up the whole house. *huggle*

Tee hee. You’re probably wondering what I’m doing now, Jan. Well, I thought since I had completely messed up with my responsibilities for this worthy chapter, I might as well take my original comments and turn them into a review instead. (That, and the fact that I don’t trust my e-mail…)

I really like how focused this chapter is. Don’t get me wrong, it’s always amazing to see and learn what is happening in different places of the Severed Souls-world, but since that’s what we’re normally spoiled with this becomes more special. Everything in this chapter concentrates on the same event, and all of the actions become more intense.

Intense, yes, as the potion-brewing and the caring for Harry. Serious as the situation is, this is pure enjoyment for any Severus/Maeve shipper. You have written love-making and tenderness for us before, but I almost dare say this is better. Some of my favourite fictional relationships are favourites just because of that – because the author has written two characters in a situation where they need to work together for something important. Through such work, it seems that a good author has got a perfect opportunity to show care, compatibility, understanding and chemistry between two characters – just like you have done here.

What he really meant, Maeve reflected, was that if she administered the potion, he could not be said to have saved Harry Potter’s life. - I love that Maeve understands this, and I love that you show it to us.

Remus, my Remus. You don’t happen to be planning some Remus/Felicia cubs, do you? Because I think he would make quite a brilliant father. His concern for Harry is so touching, so perfectly written. Also… this might be a bit far-fetched, but for some reason I get the feeling that after getting a dose of Sirius from the portrait, Remus somehow cares even more for his friend’s godson. Oh, and don’t ask me why because I can’t explain it, but when I read this chapter I suddenly had a vision of a Harry/Remus conversation at the very end of Severed Souls, a sort of thoughtful end-of-the-adventure conversation where Harry actually thanks Remus for all that he has done. Yes, Jan, your story does all kinds of strange things to my mind. ;)

Oooh, I’m very excited about Severus’ plan! Excellent turn of the plot, Jan! I don’t know what I expected to follow Harry’s injury, but certainly not this! I had a hunch that it might lead to a Harry/Severus confrontation, but no idea that we would take such a big step on the way towards Voldemort. I simply can’t wait to see how things turn out, and I’m more anxious than ever to read the meeting between Harry and Severus. Especially with this: Wherever it was, a confrontation between Severus and Harry would be inevitable, and she knew that she needed to start preparing for that. - It really makes me wonder what role Maeve will play…

Bit of nitpicking:

“But Severus is.capable. - A mysterious dot has appeared between “is” and “capable”.

The came corner that had seen Severus commit to acts that he probably would have shied away from without her involvement bringing his sense of obligation to the fore. - I’m guessing that should be “The same corner”, not “The came corner”?

Then I really need to ask you about something. When Maeve had seen to Harry, she tried to lift him. I wonder why? Where was he planning on taking him? She obviously didn’t think about using her ability until Severus suggested it, and she can’t Apparate. Those are really the reasons I can think of for her to actually try to lift him with her own strength. Is there a reason she did not Levitate him instead? Yes, I do realise that using magic puts a bit of distance between them, but Maeve is also sensible and should have realised that she couldn’t lift him.

And the end scene… Oh, I’m bubbling with questions, but I suppose that was your intent. What is Percy up to, really? And what is the whole business of Roderick and Nagini being at two places at the same time? It feels like that would normally involve a Time-Turner, but… And why would Nagini attack Neville when taking him out was Draco’s job? I hardly don’t think that Voldemort would put his precious snake-Horcrux at Draco’s disposal? No, there seems to be something rotten inside the gates of Hogwarts, and I’m longing for you to clear things up a bit.

Lol, I don’t suppose that I’m in a position to pester you for the next chapter? No, I’ll just try and look extra sweet and pleading instead. :)

May I start with saying what an excellent timing! You uploaded it, and then it was mod:ed and accepted just in time for me to print it and bring it along on a 5-hour car journey. It was about the one think that made the trip bearable. :)

Then I must begin with Narcissa. I read the excerpt already in the forums, so I was expecting something good. And I got even more than I had imagined, I think you understand Mrs Malfoy well, you write her as admirably as all other characters, JKR’s or your own. In addition I love to see hints of your own theories on her, how you interpret her relation to her husband and Severus. And I must say that I wonder about her hesitation in the sentence “He has been a good father to… to my son.”
The whole interaction between “these two very attractive, distraught women” was fantastic, we got to see yet another side of Maeve at the same time as you introduced Narcissa in a very satisfying way. One of the little details, when Maeve felt a little ashamed over maybe trusting Severus less than Narcissa does, it’s things like that which make Maeve real and a character to relate to.

I was very surprised to see Lugh Lamfada so soon, I hadn’t expected him yet. And also it felt a little upside-down to see him move around like a normal (or at least close to) person. I know we’ve seen him around people before, but in Snape’s house and in the Ministry… I liked to see him deflate Roderick a bit though, nice to see that there’s someone able to do so. It sort of gives us the idea that Lugh is in a way more powerful than Voldemort, who maybe wasn’t exactly tricked by Rampton, but sure effected by his charms. Clever ways in which you tied back to Roderick’s animagus form; …of something that could easily see through whatever web he was weaving., and “I’ll spin them a line –”. That also goes for him calling Pettigrew ‘rodent’.

“No.” It was a small word for such a monumental decision. - such a strong line.

In the yard, I wasn’t really happy to see that “sullen rat”, it’s impossible to know if you put it there as a part of setting, or if a certain Death Eater decided to linger a little.
Concerning Maeve’s “new way to fly”, I must get back to the Chronicles of Cheysuli I’ve mentioned before. They’ve sort of got an animagi gift, where each warrior is connected to an animal, of which they can take on the shape. And when this shape-changing occur, the way the author has described it’s very much like Maeve’s experience of becoming the atoms. I like the idea of the gift, it’s convenient to say the least and I suspect you didn’t introduce it simply to transport Maeve to London. I’m also interested if Harry has got this ability, seeing as Lugh is also a ‘relative’ of his.

Nice with a little AU, in the way that I got to see Amelia Bones alive. I liked the bit: “Amelia leant forward on the walnut desk; eager for answers she could believe.” – to me it showed again her qualities as Minister of Magic, wanting the truth but not about to believe anything.
I can see why Maeve hesitated about going to Grimmauld Place, but I’m glad she decided to go. After Narcissa, I had been waiting for two more meetings for Maeve, one was Harry. I’m still waiting for their actual talk, and to see Harry again after a few more days. He is staying true to the Harry from DoL, but having fallen head over heel for the HBP Harry, I hope ‘yours’ is going to come to resemble him more as the story goes on.
“Oh, I wasn’t thinking of going back to Hogwarts at all,” she said, her insides going cold at the very thought of entering Dumbledore’s school. - This just reminded me so much of Harry in HBP. I’ll be interested to see whether any of them will return to the school in this sequel, or whether they’ll be busy chasing husbands, enemies and pieces of severed souls.
“Green gashes appraised her, ripping at her to get to the secrets she may have held.” - another one of those lines, reading it is like taking the first sip of a perfectly brewed cup of tea, simply enjoyable.

One think I picked up on, when Roderick spoke of Pettigrew, he said “ I can’t believe that stupid rodent sometimes,”, which was closely followed by “How stupid can a wizard get?” - the repetition of ‘stupid’ was not a grave one, but I’m sure it would be only too easy for you to come up with another word there.

So, I mentioned one meeting. The other is of course between Maeve and Severus, I can barely wait for it. As much as I want Maeve to throw her arms around him and for everything to be all right, I know how I will enjoy anything you are going to write. I just hope there won't be too many long before it happens in the story.
This chapter was quality through and through, like yours always are, and there is no way one could stop admiring you as a writer, Maeve.

*draws a deep breath and gets brain into review mode*

Let me jump straight to Darkacre. To begin with, I discovered an interesting reaction in my brain. On the one hand I was a little disappointed over how easy it was for Roderick to enter, because your writing has made me expect more of Severus. But on the other hand, if anyone was to figure it out at all, it would have been Roderick or Maeve. So, there, I shan’t linger on that.

Secondly, I’m finding it very difficult not to beg for a chaptered account of the love story of Vervain Snape and Stephen Gryps. And as I’m on that subject, I keep wanting to read more of Severus’ and Maeve’s time at Hogwarts together. =)

Look, I managed to keep my excitement in check until the third paragraph of the review. But OMGOSHNESS, Severus is the heir of Godric Gryffindor! *wears classical deer-before-headlights expression* Jan, I don’t think the turns of your storytelling will ever cease to surprise me. What can I say? It’s like you manage to take the usual clichés (Harry being the heir of Gryffindor, for example), twist them around a bit and turn them into something original and mind-boggling. I sure wonder what this will mean in the great scheme of things… There is bound to be a heir of Slytherin/heir of Gryffindor confrontation of some sort, no? And that really makes me wonder where the Harry/Maeve/Neville business will fit in… It tickles my mind, because I suspect that you’ve got something great planned. As so often with your writing, it’s like I can sense some of what might be coming, but I can never really grasp it. Yet when things do happen, they appear so familiar, right and logical.

It almost feels superfluous to praise your characterisation of, well, any HP character really, but I’m still going to compliment you on Harry in this chapter. It’s exactly the Harry I was wishing to see in this situation! The rage against everything to do with Severus, the words, tone and actions he meets Maeve with – it’s just right. Very canon of you too, to throw a little Harry/Ginny into the mix. And the tension at the end of the chapter! Evil Jan, just cutting it off like that when we come to the very scene I’ve been waiting so long for. You sure know how to keep your readers hooked. ;)

Moving back a bit, to Draco. My, my, he is in trouble! I wouldn’t have thought him quite so drastic though. Even if he didn’t know what Nagini actually was (if it was what we think), would he really have killed Voldemort’s precious pet snake? He couldn’t have thought very far… he must have just done it because he was angry with Nagini… *ponders* And I wonder what Roderick has in mind for him? Roderick, who insists on keeping me unsure, who I expect will have me wondering about him even when the story is over.

And Albert! Why, oh why, did he have to come down with cancer? Surely, cancer must be easily curable through magical means? Or am I to guess that his approaching end is important to the story? Well, he surely can’t go until he’s been of some use – to the wizarding world and to his grandson.

To round off, lol, I must express my amusement at the “lighter” sides of Voldemort you presented in this chapter. Yes, he’s still evilness itself, but his “I think the last occasion of anyone telling the time using such an antiquated method was in 1576.” and “Yes, surely you’ve heard of it: quite a large country just to the of France. Full of Germans, apparently.” actually made me smile. Oh, and what do you know, I didn’t notice it before I copied the quote, but there seems to be a “right” missing – “to the right of France”.

Amazing as always. I feel no urge whatsoever to go and pick up my copy of The Turn of the Screw, no, I’d much rather stay here and proceed further into the mysterious and masterly written windings of Harry Potter and the Severed Souls.

I’m afraid this review will be written from a character POV, rather than the happenings, so expect lots of quotes and little sense and order. And to be even more difficult, I’ll start from the end, with Remus.
Finally! What a treat, this is exactly what I’ve been waiting for! *very pleased* You start off the scene featuring Remus with what has been pretty typical for him: ‘Remus looked hopeful and Maeve hated not being able to tell him.’ At that point I thought that he would remain his ‘useless’ self. (Although I admit it was nice to see Maeve’s thought of him earlier on: ‘…and most of all she wanted to get back to Grimmauld Place, to Remus and to a night of companionable wine consummation with her best friend.’) But then, you start building up to this brilliant surprise: ‘“Where?” he asked, growing tired of being on the periphery of people’s plans.’ - and my feelings are suddenly mixed; part of me is screaming ‘If you’re tired of it, do something about it!’, whilst another part is patiently waiting for when he will. Not that much patience was needed, of course, since you soon had me cheering for: ‘“I will do what is right!” he lashed back. “I will do what is right under the circumstances. That is all I have ever tried to do. I did it for Dumbledore, I’ve done it for you… why should that change?”’. Remus, Remus dear! I feel safe in naïvely asking for more of this attitude from him, knowing that you would never pull him too far away from the silent, wise man he actually is.
You provided even more emotions from his part, and I relish it: ‘Remus couldn’t hide the feeling of hurt that made his face shrink back from her. He had thought she was the one person who would have faith in him to do what was right, to not be swayed by false opinion and hearsay.’ And, you wrapped everything up so nicely, chapter and Remus, ‘…sealing himself to her with a decisive air that left no room for protestation.’

Narcissa... I’m a little confused, because I can see so many similarities between her and Maeve, but no likeness. They’ve got several things in common, yet they’re completely different. You’re a master for playing them against each other, and in a way I feel thankful (well, even more thankful) towards Jo for bringing Mrs Malfoy into the spotlight, and into your creative mind.
I wonder about her attitude towards Colly the House-Elf... Is it because Narcissa likes Colly in particular, or is she generally kinder to House-Elves/servants than the rest of her family? Or maybe because she’s very lonely? I very much liked how you first came to compare Narcissa to the ‘martyr swan’, and then (via Mr O’Grady) a ‘quare in the head’ bull.’
‘She wanted so much to believe that her husband could protect her and he had abandoned her to a fate of the Dark Lord’s choosing.’ - I felt sorry for Narcissa here, maybe for the first time. At times she must have felt happy and privileged with her life, because even though we haven’t seen so much of it in canon, I believe that Lucius and the other Death Eaters must have gotten some benefits from working for Voldemort. But now that Lucius and Draco have failed, Narcissa is lonely, threatened and probably scared. And then there’s the question, how much does Lucius care for her? Is he a Death Eater of Bellatrix’ magnitude, who lives for her cause? Or did he see his work as a mission, which would one day be accomplished so he could return to a quieter ‘family life’? Amazing, I would never have thought of it on my own, what an interesting character Narcissa is.
During all of Narcissa’s conversations with Maeve, I kept wanting to read similar scenes that also had Severus in them. I really hope there will be a time when the three of them speak.

Roderick. Oh yes, he’s comic relief, and he always keeps up that tone, doesn’t he? But you still let us know that’s not the whole truth: ‘“I see, so, last chance rather than first choice. Story of my life.”’. I started to think about his relationship to Maeve. You have been very clear about Remus’ feelings for her, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Roderick is also harbouring some. He is, after all, also always there for her. For a moment there I even felt a little sorry for the double agent, but his character soon showed me this was not the way to feel about him, with the cheerful: ‘“Lovers my delightful arse!” he stepped forward and gave her a hug that fitted her well.’ - how Roderick was that? :) His humour, his all-knowing, his care for a friend. Of course, I hope what he’s saying is the truth…

Maeve. At the moment I feel that I know her fairly well, so it’s a bit of the same situation as with Harry in the ‘real’ books. So much is from her POV, that I don’t really think of her character, except when she says something particularly spectacular in conversation. She’s just there, constantly and naturally, I keep forgetting that the world we’re in was once built for Harry Potter – it could just as well have been originally created for the story of Maeve. I think you’re very skilled combining that very story with the canon one. But, that was old news, I think I’ve said it plenty of times before.
Something ever so odd happened when I read this chapter! I’ve got a picture in my mind of Maeve’s appearance, that I’m very happy with. But when she spoke to Narcissa: ‘“Can I see Draco’s room?” Maeve asked, ignoring the barb.’ and then searched his quarters, that picture somehow morphed into Sara Sidle (actress Jorja Fox) of the CSI television series. Fortunately it was just to do with the ‘investigation’, because as soon as Maeve was speaking to Colly again, she looked the same as ever. *relieved* Funny things your mind can do…
Maeve seemed very composed in this chapter, all things considered, but I’ll be interested to see how long that lasts… Surely, seeing her husband must bring some heavy emotions into the picture.

Very little on Severus. So… he had a ‘gentleman’s agreement’ with Mr Black? Why, that’s interesting… I sure hope we’ll get to know more about it, or to know if it was just a lie of Narcissa’s. I can’t really see why her father should feel the need for an agreement of any kind?
‘ What if, what if Severus was Draco’s father?’ - that question simply had to come up at some point. Well, if Roderick knew and was telling the truth, Severus shouldn’t really be. But who knows? Well, apart from you of course! ;)

Then just a few things I noticed:
‘…it must have been is close resemblance to Lucius, she decided…’ - an ‘h’ is missing at the beginning of ‘his’.
‘Why else would be visiting Malfoy Manor when there was no Lucius here? - I think there should be a ‘he’ before ‘be visiting’?
‘I hear old Lucius has finally come a cropper with the old Dark Lord.’ - there seems to be an ‘old’ too many in that sentence.
‘…watched the light brown eyes take on a fierce light she had not seen before…’ - ‘light’ is repeated in this line, but it didn’t disturb me much, since it’s such different usages of the word. Just thought I’d point it out.

So, you spotted the button in my signature? :) It’s of course for support, because this is a story I’ll applause at any opportunity, but it’s also for my own convenience, making it so much easier to access Severed Souls from the forums.
Now I’m very much looking forward to Chapter Five, but maybe even more to the ‘impatient six’ – that will be interesting... Thank you for another excellent chapter, and please pardon me for this disarray that was meant to be a review! ;)

Oooh, this chapter is a good one! Well, they all are, but this one is particularly welcoming for long reviews. And I had better write it for you now, since I’m once again two chapters behind on reviews. Shame on me!

I’ll be beginning with Remus and a quote: ‘Remus shook his head. “My time at Hogwarts is over, Harry, as is yours. We need to find our place in the world again.”’ - Harry is of course clueless, but I the double meaning shines so clearly to us readers. I can almost read the words as “My time dreaming of Maeve is over.” And while this is so sad it makes me want to keep hugging Remus until he feels better again, I love how you write him so composed. He knew this would happen eventually, and even if he’s disappointed he doesn’t seem dejected. I like to see how he gives advice to Harry, and I can fully understand his need to go away and deal with his feelings (at least temporary), even though he made the promise to Severus… In fact, the air around Remus here is spot on what I experienced at the end of Prisoner of Azkaban. But that wasn’t the last we saw of Remus in the books, and I don’t think he will be gone for very long in Severed Souls either. At least I don’t hope so, since you’ve given me this unexplainable Remus fixation! *blames Jan*

I’ll squeeze in a bit of Roderick here, because I’ve come to enjoy his presence so much. He’s displaying such genuine concern for Maeve, my favourite examples being: ‘“Damn it all, Maeve, why did you have to be so stupid?”’ and ‘With a gentleness that would have surprised Maeve had she been conscious, he placed her carefully into her bed and left her to rest after her ordeal.’ Keep him going like this and I’ll soon have a major crush on him. ;)

Arthur! Isn’t he just adorable? I think this chapter held all necessary parts of him, from the fatherly man who is an important member of the Order, to the humorous man with his child-like fascination of everything Muggle. I like how he’s supporting Harry here, knowing fully well that neither him nor his own son really need an adult to back them up anymore, but he’s still offering to be a parent if any of them might need it. Arthur in the pub was a bit of comic relief, and very well-written. The whole pub scene made me miss England horribly, I think I shall have to go back soon.
I’ll mention Ron in the same paragraph, I think. I know you had a bit of trouble writing him into submission, but I think he’s behaving perfectly to suit the story here. He’s well in character, which is proved by me wanting to tape his mouth shut on several occasions.

‘A slight breeze gave him a gentle shove in the right direction and he stepped into the late summer sunshine, its light warming away the sudden chill.’ - I love this. It’s beautiful, and I can feel the gentle shove of the breeze and the warmth of the sun. Very Jan:ish in style!
Harry’s visit to his parents’ grave… As the scene moved on from the car stopped, Harry’s actions and emotions built up to something quite teary. But you hold back, you don’t give Harry the closure he might have hoped for, nor do you make him weep. No, all it leads to is more determination, just what we need. I think this shows a great deal bout your writing skill, as I believe many authors would have fallen for the opportunity to make this something over-emotional, but instead you make sure that the moment adds something to the plot. What did almost all SPEWers say makes a good fanfic? Balance between character and plot development. Well, here’s a fine example!

Albert is very interesting, and once again you have me missing my part of England. In the village where I lived, there was an old man who greatly resembled your description of Albert. Maybe this was why this character came to live so quickly in my mind, maybe it was that he fitted so well in with the picture you paint of Godric’s Hollow. In any case, via him you present a fairly unique view of the Potters’ life in this village. Most fanfics give us unlimited sunshine and happiness (apart from the threat of Voldemort, of course), but I find you idea of the lonely Lily much more appealing and believable.
I was a little surprised over the description of the Potter’s house. In my mind (possibly fanfic-influenced) I have always pictured it being located just outside a Muggle village, distant from their non-magical neighbours. Your version is more interesting and makes me wonder why they chose to live so close to Muggles? I’m under the impression that James and Lily had quite a bit of money in their vault, not Malfoy-like but still to have a fair number of options of where to settle down. I’m also curious about what could have kept James away from home so much. Did he have a “regular” wizard’s job, or was he working for the Order? I’m guessing he would have been around most of the time after they went into hiding, but naturally Albert Gryps wouldn’t have noticed that…

The key! Oooh, what is this going to add to the story? I somehow feel that it will be something more personal for Harry, and that it’s not connected to the Horcrux bit of the story. Having said that, it could still be something personal for him that is important for the final victory. In any case, I will be keeping my eyes open for suspicious locks…
That car is troublesome, but I enjoy the mystery it adds to the chapter. I must of course wonder if the person/persons in the car had Voldemort connections, or if it was someone else?

And then we’re off to Malfoy manor! As I have already mentioned to you (eh, I have really mentioned all of above as well, but never mind…) that I had to stop and think for a moment to figure out the subtle difference between this Draco and the canon one. Because there is a difference, as my re-reading of Harry’s Pensieve memory showed me. Firstly, when it comes to Draco’s reasons for joining the ranks of Voldemort: In Half-Blood Prince, I got the impression that Draco had become a Death Eater for three reasons; the fact that he probably had no choice, out of curiosity, and to live up to the name of Malfoy. But when reading that particular part of Chapter Three again, it seems to me that Draco joined the ranks of Death Eaters for his own purposes as well, more than to prove himself to his name. The next difference is how he feels about going back to Voldemort. Here he wants to do so, which I first thought seemed a little off, but that was because I was thinking of canon and not the Draco you have given us here. This young Malfoy does actually think he’s going to be given a second chance, that he’ll be able to do something to be forgiven. I’m very curious about how the Dark Lord is going to welcome him...
I thought the imagery of Draco destroying the family tapestry was very fitting, it somehow showed me the anger towards his family, and his father in particular. He was written well overall, whining and refusing to follow rules.

A very eventful chapter that left lots to think about… And I’m not going to apologise for the length of this review, you brought it upon yourself Jan! ;) Much looking forward to Chapter Eleven, and I hope I’ll be able to post my review for Ten over the weekend.

(EDIT: Oooh, first review posted as a SPEWer, I can’t believe it!)
I won’t apologize for the increasing length of my reviews – what am I suppose to do when the chapters are so long, so amazingly filled with treats for us readers? No, I’m afraid that as long as there’s so much to comment on, the reviews will remain exhausting. Let’s see how short I can keep this one, shall we? :)
I’ll start right off with a Remus quote: ‘Sometimes I am glad I’m not married to you.’ - when he said it, I just read it the complete opposite way, like ‘But the rest of the time, it breaks my heart that I’m not.’

As for your descriptions of scenery and setting in this chapter, I was struck by the thought that you could write the most fantastic travel books ever. I so badly want to go and visit all the places you’ve described (maybe not Spinner’s End, but…), and I bet other people would do as well. But don’t worry, I’m not suggesting it, I wouldn’t have anything stealing time from Severed Souls or original novels of yours, but you could most definitely do it.

Poor Remus. Firstly, the Malcolm bit. ‘“Yes, I can imagine you would, but then you’re called Malcolm. Come!”’ - *snort*. I would be hopeless on a mission like that, because I would only feel so bad for Remus, that I would step up and say, ‘No, he’s not called Malcolm, you silly woman!’.
And then it get seven worse: ‘And Remus had to accept the fact that in order to get a few decent hours’ sleep he would have to lie on a bed next to Maeve and attempt to sleep. He wasn’t convinced it would be that easy with the smell of her hair just a few inches from his nose, but he resolved to try.’ The already fragile Remus-part of my heart simply shatters. I feel SO SORRY for him. It’s absolutely not that I think Maeve should choose him instead, that’s not even a possibility, but my insides still ache for him. I liked the thoughts of his time in France with Felicia, how her presence made him feel old. It’s very true. Attraction is never enough, nor is the fact that it would be ‘suitable’. There has to be a connection, like Remus has with Maeve. With only the tiny problem that she’s got an even stronger one with Severus.
How many authors introduce such a fitting female characters, and then does not use her as a salvation? Well, I haven’t seen one. It’s always that unexpected, somehow perfect girl appearing at the right time, saving the male character. But that’s not how the world works. I don’t know if you had originally intended to put Felicia and Remus together, but I’m glad you didn’t. Not because I like to see him suffer, but because the detail makes the story even more real.
But there is not just a werewolf to feel sorry for, there is one that made me cheer loudly as well: ‘Still, it was better than chasing a pack of werewolves around France.’ - Yay! For the brave, mighty and independent man! Remus was never useless like I accused him of being, (well, he was at some points), but admirable and strong. *is falling in love with Remus*

I’ll jump to Harry and McGonagall at Hogwarts. I was on the verge of tears when they were in the office, looking at Dumbledore’s portrait. But that wasn’t particularly what struck me. It’s a fact that I’m a very emotional person, I can’t read obituary notes without crying and I regularly need tissues when I watch films. But Daughter of Light or Severed Souls have actually never had me crying, I realised. I pondered on it, and realised that it was because none of my favourite characters (apart from Dumbledore, and I kind of saw that coming) has been killed off. This frightens me to no end, because I don’t want to think about what that you’ve got in store for ‘Final Battle’ time. Don’t you dare kill Severus, Harry or Remus! I feel quite confident that Maeve will survive, don’t ask me why, but please leave my fav men alive! We could take… Ron, perhaps? instead. I’d cry for him too, but I could live with it.

And so, I’ve rambled my way up to the long-awaited reunion of husband and wife. *sigh* Maybe it was obvious, but I was still a bit pleased with myself for foreseeing the non-composed (I was about to write ‘decomposed’ for a second) Maeve.
The whole scene was just terrific! It left nothing to ask for. And the embrace… *sigh* I was pleasantly surprised to discover you writing such a similar thing between Remus and Severus, that they’re both so unhappy with Maeve’s mistrust in them. I’m so glad that the conversation turned almost instantly to the question of Severus’ fidelity. Maeve might have pretended that it didn’t disturb her so much, but it was clear that it did. I try to picture myself in the situation, and I know that’s what would pop up at once, even if I had the best intentions of not mentioning it. Jealousy is such a complex emotion, and you use it so well in the story; Remus is jealous of Severus for having Maeve, Harry was jealous of the attention Severus gets, and Maeve is not above this, she’s insecure enough to be jealous of Narcissa.

I like the fact that we have come to a point in the story where we are allowed to see more human emotions from Severus’ side. I think the timing is great, Snape and emotions are difficult things to combine and you are probably the one person who does it best, and certainly the person who does it to the greatest extent. When I sit and ponder on the phenomenon, it’s amazing really how you manage it, it’s like you’re building this thing which I would expect to be a rickety card house ready to collapse any second, but instead you manage a rock steady brick house of Severus.
‘Perhaps the woman at his side was part of the reason for this escalating discontent; perhaps he was just growing more conscious of time running through his life-stained fingers in a steady spill of wasted years.’ - *breathless* That was perfect, there’s no other word for it.
As for Draco, his appearance made me think more of your writing skill than anything else. It’s like little knots you’re tying, and they all fit together. You weave a complex pattern, where nothing ever happens without reason, or even just for one reason. Maeve has helped protect Narcissa, and now it serves as a perfect argument why Draco should, if not trust her, then at least accept her presence. (I’ve read Sins of the Father, so at the moment all mentions of Draco makes me shudder.)

I found only one thing to annoy you about: ‘The front door of 15a was much prettier than the door of its companion below, tiny pink roses coiled around the frame and the number was stencilled in cerise on the cream paint. Tiny crystals swung in the breeze, tinkling gently at their arrival.’ - I might be turning into a repetition nazi here, but I’m under the impression that you want me to point them out. So, maybe it would be a good idea to change one of the ‘tiny’s?

*looking at review above* Well, that wasn’t too long, was it? :) And now I’m both in love with Remus, and even more fond of the Severus/Maeve relationship. I’m looking forward to Chapter Six like a child just before Christmas, and I’m overly excited about just how I’m going to get to read it. Thank for another wonderful chapter, Jan! (I’m very proud to be calling you by proper first name, btw.)