08/16/05
sneaky_rhae.livejournal.com
I am finally going to put a little something in here.
But what to say?
Hm, well, I am 26 and a med student, so my time is really not my own and whatever time I do get to myself I cling to like a baby clings to a blanket. I went to Texas Tech University and as such, am a die-hard Red Raider fan. This means if Tech is playing football, don't expect to reach me.
I have a few fics of my own but I am enjoying reviewing for those I have gotten to know from the forums. I hope to have more written soon, but we'll see what life says about that.
If you're wondering what happened to "The Letter" I decided the story needed a complete overhaul and have since deleted it. When I get a bit of time I plan on bringing it back to you with largely the same ideas, just much improved. Thanks for your interest.
Adios!
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The Aftermath by Florianne Ennwood
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Whatever happened after Hogwarts? In this chapter, an adult Hermione is making a journey home for Christmas Eve with a mysterious parcel. She reveals some of what happened in the past few years as fleeting memories pass through her mind, but only giving a vague idea. More chapters to follow.
Date: 08/16/05 Title: Chapter 2: Welcomes and Flashbacks
I love this story! Are you going to be posting it anywhere else? Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for submitting a review! It's really nice of you. I'm not sure if I'll be posting it elsewhere - this is my first FanFic and I'm just experimenting for now. Thank you again! =)) P.S. More chapters to follow, don't worry!
The Potions Master of Azkaban. by Magical Maeve
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Severus Snape finds himself a resident of Azkaban for his deeds and misdeeds during Voldemort's reign. A broken man, he is struggling merely to stay alive when one of the guards takes an interest in him. This is an interest that could get her into serious trouble as she tries to save the life of a man who may not want to be saved.
And I must credit the wonderful Poultrygeist for the title and Anne for her sterling beta work! Thank 'ee. :-)
Date: 11/20/05 Title: Chapter 2: A Time to Live.
Sorry this has been so long in coming...
First, I must say I love how you opened this chapter. I have often thought that life is a tragic riddle to be fussed and fretted over. There is an incredible amount of truth in this statement, especially where this fic is involved. To Katherine, Snape is the tragic riddle that must be fussed over. I love how she is so drawn to him and has such a great curiosity where he is concerned and yet it seems that she doesn’t really know why she is caught up this way. What’s more, she has this great compassion, a compassion that seems implausible to exist in Azkaban and further, to be aimed at Snape at all. But yet, there it is and it is strong enough for her to risk breaking rules when it could mean trouble for her and even worse for him. I love how you make her so caring and yet so tough, she is in this environment where she’s got no choice but to prove herself.
I must say I was almost panicking when she realized just how bad off he was. Even at that he is still SO Snape that he tells her off for her help. Help that was not asked for yet she freely gives. Then I read this line, How strange life is that it will give and take with such ease, exchanging one person’s suffering for another’s, and thought about how truthful that statement is as well. That’s when I realized that that is what strikes me most about your writing. There is more truth in this fiction than in a lot of the books I read. Your grasp on humanity is something to be admired and you bring it across so well with your characters and Snape, of all people. I have added this fic to my favorites.
Author's Response: *is cringing at the dates on these unanswered reviews*
Thanks you so much for the review, Sneaky_Rhae. I think that I wanted to show something about Azkaban that has been hinted at in HBP but I have never seen covered in FanFiction from a gaoler's POV...what about the people in Azkaban that are innocent? With the Dementors gone, people are now haveing to do the 'ditry work' and it was only a matter of time before someone rebelled against the system.
And thank you for your kind words. I try and explore the nature of human relationships and what drives them. In this instance it is compassion and a genuine anger at a system that is rigidly corrupt in places.
Date: 11/12/05 Title: Chapter 1: Stone Walls Do Not a Prison Make.
Maeve! If I knew you were this brilliant I would have read Daughter of Light months ago! It is now a priority for my off time this weekend. This is exactly the type of story that I was hunting for when I posted on the MNFF Forums about a post-HBP Snape. You've done it perfectly. I love how you've kept him Snape but made him strangely vulnerable at the same time and Katherine has the sense to know that there is something more to him than meets the eye. Fantastic! On another note, I was waiting for him to correct her about the "Professor" bit, I think he thinks that being called "Mr." is a little beneath him. I loved it, thank you for such a great story! *trots off to start Daughter of Light*
Author's Response: *blushes at use of the word brilliant* LOL
I wanted to explore the broken Snape, because we've always seen him so full of life and Azkaban seemed to be the perfect setting. I'm going to tie this in very slightly to DoL/SS at the very end but if you haven't read either of them it will still make perfect sense... I hope! LOL
Thanks so much for reviewing and I hope you do get around to DoL...let me know what you think if you do. :-)
Date: 02/22/06 Title: Chapter 10: Aftermath.
*is stunned speechless*
Is it too much to hope for an epilogue?
Date: 02/14/06 Title: Chapter 9: Execution.
Sweet Lord, there is anough tension in this chapter to give me a heart attack! You are really, really good at dramatic build-up, has anyone ever told you that? And then you leave us with a cliffhanger too! It was well worth the wait and I hope the next chapter will find its way to us soon!
Secret Sorrow by LydiaNightingale
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: Written in response to Challenge One
"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone."- Audrey Hepburn
It's New Year's Eve, late at night, and most of the world is out and about, except for two people. One person is lost emotionally, perhaps beyond all mortal repair, and another one is up, unable to sleep, just sitting. What happens when the two meet?
Date: 12/04/05 Title: Chapter 1: One-Shot
When I first saw this challenge I prepared myself to read a lot of Snape redemption fics. Yours is truly original in that Harry feels the need to be redeemed. It makes perfect sense though, we know from canon that he carries around a lot of guilt and he does think that some part of AD’s death is his fault. I also think it is totally feasible that Lupin would be doing the redeeming. I have always seen him as somewhat of a father figure to Harry, where I saw Sirius as more of a fun-loving older brother type. I think that Lupin and Harry have a lot in common when it comes to carrying around guilt and I think that you have done a great job here in relating that to us. I really feel a connection between the two of them.
"Harry, one thing you are not is a bad friend," Lupin said mildly.
I really liked this line because I think there is a lot of truth to that, both in HP and in real life. Harry is feeling guilty for putting his friends in harms way while at the same time he’s been saving them just as often if not more than when they are in danger. We often only see our faults and Lupin is right in pointing out some good to Harry. After all, they are at war and bad things are always going to happen.
"I know," Lupin nodded, leading Harry out of the room. "And I forgive you."
I think Harry needed to hear this more than anything and I really believe that Lupin is the only one who could tell him this and make a dent. I think that if it had been Ron or Hermione Harry would have just shrugged it off. It’s amazing how six little words can hold so much power.
All in all I think you did a wonderful job. It was truly enjoyable to read a different take on the redemption theme. Well done!
Warmth by Insecurity
Rated: Professors •Summary: Hermione is abandoned by Harry during their quest to find Malfoy Manor. She is close to exhaustion when she stumbles over her coveted location. She assumes that nobody is home, the Malfoy's are either on the run or locked in Azkaban prison, and therefore she decides to use the manor as a shelter.
This happens to be a Lucius/Hermione story (Yes, I know I am attempting the impossible.) It is rated R for later chapters
I have edited this story down to make it a small ficlet - because I just know I will never get around to finishing it. Don't worry, it still makes sense. I've cut it off at the part where I initially intended to finish it
Date: 12/13/05 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 2
Interesting. I have to tell you I honestly do not know what to think about this one. I have always seen Lucius as someone that has a clod stone instead of a heart and I would find it hard to believe that he cares for anyone, even his wife and son. I also have a hard time believing that Hermione would just sit there and try to get him to show some emotion. I think he would have just chucked her back out into the storm but hey that's just me. That said, I am interested and somehow a little scared to see where this is going because for right now I really don't see romance happening, rather blatant manipulation.
One grammatical quibble, in the paragraph that starts "What if it had been your family" you have "split blood" and I'm sure you mean "spilt blood."
I hope I haven't been too mean, while I love Snape I have a hard time warming up to the Malfoys, they just make me angry!
Author's Response: You are not being too mean. I changed the direction of this fan fiction after about the third chapter because I felt it was too big to be a challenge fic, it needed to spread its wings. I know it sounds horrible of me to say, but I'm glad your slightly scared because I wanted people to feel uneasy. This fic is my way of pushing myself as a writer and as a person beyond limits that I should keep to. I am basically trying to extract little tendancies of the canon Hermione and moulding her behaviour because of that. The Malfoys make me angry too, don't worry! Oh and you mention Snape... do you really think I am going to leave him out of this? hehe
Date: 12/04/05 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue
All right, I’ll bite. If I’m known for anything it’s my loyalty and attempting a Lucius/Hermione is a tall order, I thought you might need a few kind words.
Well, like Lacrima Serpentis, this one reached out and grabbed me. You have a way with using rhythm to help with the mood of your story. As an example, you first five paragraphs were a very powerful hook. The way you ended them with, She barely ____ it was, quite frankly, genius because you immediately wonder what has gotten her so frightened and numb. You then proceed to tell us.
You are also great at giving back story. It is always so interesting that I forget that you are only telling us in order to set up something else. The hunt for the horcruxes is not going to be all sunshine and roses and you give that to us right away with the loss of Ron. Then Harry falls and Hermione is on her own. Are we going to find out what happened to Harry? Is he really gone or will he pop up again? What is the beast that had him and why couldn’t they beat it, up to this point they’ve bested a lot of beasts or are you speaking metaphorically?
As for Hermione, I am beginning to think that you like torturing her *smiles evilly* I’m sure that’s not the case but I congratulate you in finding a slightly different way of torturing her than in LS. A few more questions to ponder though: Why is it so easy for Hermione to get into Malfoy Manor? Finally, the biggie, why in God’s name is Lucius not in Azkaban?! I’m sure you’ve got a good reason for it and I’m sure it will make for a good story.
Deanine is a great beta and I really couldn’t find anything to quibble with in this chapter. I think that you are off to a great start and I am really interested to see where this goes.
Author's Response: It appears as though my responding problems are restrained to Lacrima - thank god! Which means if you keep on reviewing on both, I will simply respond just using this one *urges her other regular readers to join you*
This semosa is extremely hot - ouch! Sorry, I'm being random today.
Yet another thought-provoking review. I love to see how you perceive things, in particular the backstory. Throughout, I am going to give backstory because its my only way of turning this from being entirely OOC to being simply OOC. I hope it doesn't begin to bore you. I am also glad you enjoyed the beginning, I had my worries about it but Bridget said that it was like a trademark of mine to begin on fiesty natural imagery *checks beginning of other stories and realises that is the case* Always love to hear from you, it's brightened up my evening after a long haul from Oxford.
Saying Goodbye by potterfan226
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: One late night, Hermione receives a letter that changes her life forever. However, when it finally sinks in, she realizes that saying goodbye to the two people who she loved the most, isn't as easy as it was made out to be.
Date: 12/05/05 Title: Chapter 1: Saying Goodbye
Well, by the summary I had assumed that Hermione was going to say good-bye to Harry and Ron, not her parents. That said, it was a very touching story and I think that we don’t hear enough about the Grangers. I am glad that you mentioned when Hermione received her letter to Hogwarts, I have often wondered how they would react in that moment but you are right, I think that they would have noticed that Hermione was far from being a normal child.
A few points you may want to consider: When she is writing in her diary, I’m not really sure that it is fitting that she sign her name at the end. I never did when I kept a diary but I guess some people do. Also, when she receives the letter announcing her parent’s deaths it is very rare for them to begin with “dear.” Most formal letters simply state the name of the individual to whom they are addressed. Also, “It is our regret” reads a little strangely, it may be better as “We regret…” or “The Ministry…”
She found she couldn’t cry no more. It seemed like her eyes had leaked all its tears … Hermione just stood there, facing the front, with a face full of emotion. The windy air plus the cold blowing snow didn’t feel nice at all as you stood there. But Hermione could no longer tell if the weather was hot … or cold.
This paragraph is a little, well, odd. First, “she found she couldn’t cry no more” should really be “she found she couldn’t cry any more.” You could join up the first part of the second sentence to the first like this: “She found that she couldn’t cry anymore; it seemed like her eyes had leaked all their (she has two eyes, their sounds better than its) tears.” The second part of the second sentence can really stand on its own. The third and last sentences could be joined together as well like this: “The windy air and the cold blowing snow didn’t feel nice at all as she (sounds better than you, and the reader really isn’t a part of the story) stood there, but Hermione could no longer tell what the weather was like (the ellipses between hot and or cold are a little out of place here, perhaps phrasing it this way works better?)
Taking one last look at the place where her parents now lay, resting in peace, Hermione walked away, already feeling the large hole in her heart, becoming stronger once again.
This last paragraph has the power to evoke a lot of emotion but I think it needs a little help with punctuation. The last part of the sentence also doesn’t make much sense, is the hole in her heart getting stronger or is she? May be something like this would work:
Taking one last look at the place where her parents now lay resting in peace, Hermione turned and walked away. Though she still felt the large hole in her heart, she also felt herself becoming stronger once again.
Overall I think you have a great story with a lot of power behind it. You did a great job at addressing how Hermione would feel if this ever did happen, sometimes in canon I forget that she has parents. I think with some small changes it could be even better. I hope I have helped!
Author's Response: Go figure, lol, I knew there'd be mistakes. I didn't have anyone beta it. So yeah. And after I had written the summary, I was like OKay this sums it up pretty well, but then I thought, what if people think it's Ron and Harry dying? But I just left it how it was. lol. But glad you liked it; and yeah you did help. Thanks for the very long review; made my day =)
Date: 05/18/06 Title: Chapter 1: One Shot
I love how you can write something that is incredibly sweet without it being to saccharine and well, fake. Charlie fits in Wyoming, for as much as he says that he wouldn't fit in I think he would have an easier time at it. He seems to be the cowboy-ish type (you have to be tough to work with dragons, after all) and I like the way you write him. I could see him sprawled on the setee like that, it made me laugh.
One thing though, I'm not really familiar the phrase "stuck to their mores." I think I know what it may mean though, it fits.
Great job MJ, it was nice to read something that had a happy ending.
Author's Response: Mores are cultural laws. (pronounced: more-rays). And thank you very much for the review. I\'m glad you enjoyed it!
The Headmaster’s Love by joanna
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: ‘Everything went smoothly thanks to Hermione’, he reflected, after finishing his dinner. He knew she was the perfect choice, but wasn’t sure he could work with her efficiently enough. They were very different after all, and then there was their past. Sometimes he meant to know what Hermione was thinking of him and sometimes he meant to see that question in her eyes when he caught her secretly observing him. ‘Yes, everything is perfect,’ he admitted...
Date: 04/01/06 Title: Chapter 1: The Headmaster’s Love
I read this a while back when it was still with the challenges, I can never stay away from an HG/SS. I think that you have done a good job not letting on that they are together until near the end, I think it does something for the mood. Also, I think that the flashbacks do a good job of moving the story along and helping to explain why things are the way they are. I think the idea of Severus being Headmaster is original, I really don't think that anyone wants to think of him that way right now.
I did think that there were some tense problems in places and there was one sentence that I had to read a coupple of times before I understood what you were trying to say, but overall I think it was a great work!
Author's Response: Wow, a HG/SS fan liked my story! Thank you so much for taking the time to review! I will work on those problems, English is not my first language, and German is my second, so I always had tense issues in high-school. Thank you for your kind words.
Black and Blue by QueenHal
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: In the months following the end of the Second War, Hermione feels as if her world is shattered. Will the man who saved the world be able to save her as well? A rom-angsty look at a Post-Hogwarts Harry/Hermione.
Written for SomberBallad for the Secret SPEW challenge.
8/15 - I've responded to all reviews! Thank you all so much for your lovely words. They're much appreciated.
Date: 05/18/06 Title: Chapter 1: One Shot
I don't usually read Harry/Hermione but this one would change my mind. It was unbelievably poignant, I could really see the desolation Hermione was feeling and what's more I could feel it. I usually feel that Hermione is the optimistic one, it was nice to see that that job fell to Harry for once. I don't think anyone wants to think that Hermione could be the one to fall apart.
Bravo Haley, this was a wonderful read!
Author's Response: Oh wow! This is a great compliment... I\'m honored and rather breathtaken. Thank you so incredibly much! No one wants to see Hermione fall apart... but I have a nagging feeling that she\'s not as strong as she makes everyone believe. She strings herself so tightly that one day she\'ll snap -- which is what\'s happened here, but in a more gradual sense. It would be interesting to write the backstory for this someday...
Ultramarine by Magical Maeve
Rated: Professors •Summary: Peter Pettigrew meddles with things he probably shouldn't, and Severus and Hermione take tea together.
This is a little alternate universe off-shoot of my Daughter of Light series, provoked by a very naughty PM from Jenna this morning. There are scenes of a sexual nature - you have been warned. This will probably be a few chapters in length.
Date: 05/19/06 Title: Chapter 3: Taking Stock
So much hurt all around, they're all vicitms here. Another great chapter, but still a question-where is Pettigrew?
Date: 05/16/06 Title: Chapter 1: Tea
Whoa! If the tea does that to our unflappable Potions Master, what in the heck does it do to Pettigrew?
Bravo though, it is quite an interesting read.
P.S. I found a couple of typos in there. I've been reviewing scientific papers all week, I guess the nit-pickyness carried over.
Date: 05/26/06 Title: Chapter 4: Polite Conversation
What I really like about this chapter is that both men can get their points across without resorting to hexes (though they come close a couple of times). It is obvious that both care very much for Maeve. At least Severus got one person to think that he wouldn't have done that to Maeve without being forced somehow. But where is Pettigrew and what did HE want to use that "tea" for?
Date: 05/16/06 Title: Chapter 2: And Sympathy
Man, now that everyone's emotions have been torn to tatters (and Hermione is out of her head with, well, whatever) I'm wondering where in the world is Pettigrew? Is this some evil plot to take over the world?
It's brilliant by the way, really poignant.
Remus and Nymphadora Lupin’s Vegas Holiday by lunafish
Rated: 6th-7th Years •Summary: The war is over, and newlyweds Remus and Nymphadora Tonks have decided to take a well deserved holiday. Too bad for Severus Snape that he just happens to be heading in the same direction. Warning: A bit of sexual innuendo and some references to gambling. Posted prior to DH.
Date: 06/10/06 Title: Chapter 1: Remus and Nymphadora Lupin’s Vegas Holiday
I think I love you Neta!
Author's Response: You know the feeling\'s mutual! :-D
Dear Sit Still, I Want To Tell You a Story by Emily_the_Poet
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Ten-year-old Jemina Doyle knows Grandma Lana is sick, but when she listens to her stories, she knows there's more to Lana than yellowed skin, wrinkles, and a prickly personality.
Written for Ravenclaw house by Emily_the_poet for challenge one: autobiography.
Date: 08/13/06 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Sorry that this is so very late.
I thought that this was a very sentimental and poignant story. Often we do not realize the gravity of our actions when we are young and end up regretting things. It is lucky that Jemina has a grandmother that is willing to share with her the life lessons she has learned. I also like how you tied Luna into this, she is one of my favorite characters.
Minor quibbles, you switch from "Mom" to "Mum" and have a "had" where there should be a "was" but overall I think this is great!
When The Church Bells Ring by TheVanishingAct
Rated: 3rd-5th Years • Summary: What no one else could do, she will, when the church bells ring.
Date: 09/24/06 Title: Chapter 1: One-Shot
ZOMG Pat! I have been waiting for this since I first spotted that banner and let me tell you, you certainly didn't disappoint!
Author's Response: EEEEEEEEEE! :D I\'m so glad you liked it! *floats away on cloud nine*