I really liked the way you started this chapter, the atmosphere of the previous chapter is continued very nicely during the first paragraphs until Percy leaves the compartment. That’s when the darkness and mysterious-ness from the Prologue and Chapter 1 start to return, the last scene then is exactly like the Prologue again, where tone is concerned.

You have a pretty good grasp on your characters and they stay true to canon for the most part. I was somewhat surprised that Hermione didn’t know about the Blacks’ involvement in the war against Voldemort. She knew everything there was to know about Harry at the beginning of PS, wouldn’t she also know about the Blacks? It would be in the books I’d say.

Some nit-picking before I have to go back to work:

“As much as we want to take credit for this marvelously prank...” Marvelous needs to be an adjective here, because the word describes the following noun, not a verb.

“Typical Weasley, trying to cover up for one another’s blotches. Dumbledore probably made that buffoon a prefect, just to show that he treats trash just as fairly as he do other students.” Don’t forget the s, if you have present tense third person singular. It has to be ‘he does’ here.

Harry is now thoroughly confused. You’ve been telling the whole story in past tense so far, keep doing it. ‘Harry was …’

“A thestal, a flying horse with bat-like wings, it symbolizes death. A dark unicorn, an innately magical monster that brings death and diseases. Lastly a hinoema, a fire horse that wrecks havoc wherever it goes and consumes everything in its path." Small typo, they’re called thestrals, not thestals.

Orion Black, known for his knowledge of dark magic and power
All those who face him shivers and cowers
Your subject in the second line ‘all those’ is plural, so you don’t need the s at the end of ‘shiver’ and ‘cower’.

The verses at the end, when the book is ‘talking’ are brilliant. They make this section really stand out and give the ‘book’ a unique voice. I can’t wait to read what Sirius is going to learn about his family through the book.

Thankd for all those corrections again. I\'ll go and fix them.

Hey Miel, I'm back! *lol* Told you, you wouldn't get rid of me.^^

Another very good chapter, although I have to say, that Remus's dream at the end and his memory issues interested me more than Sirius, Harry and Ron's fight. The first part with the three boys, their problems and the pranks was nice and entertaining. But Remus's dream showed why the story is placed in the Mystery-category again. I was sitting on the edge of my seat and literally couldn't read fast enough, then when I was done I had to go back and reread the whole dream sequence to make sure I caught every little detail.

I like how you include Hermione into the group right from the start. But where was Neville in this chapter? Even Seamus and Dean were mentioned when Sirius came back from his detention, but Neville was nowhere to be seen. I hope you haven't forgotten about him.

Sirius smiled, as he sometimes forget that Harry, although a full blooded wizard, was raised in the non-magical world. The part about Sirius forgetting that Harry has been raised by Muggles sounds as if Harry and Sirius have known each other for quite some time. Your usage of 'sometimes' suggests that Sirius has forgotten about it in the past and continues to do so. This isn't possible, because they just met the day before. If you change it to 'he had forgotten' it shows that while Sirius knows this, he hasn't been around Harry for long and forgot, because if he would have been around Harry for a while he would probably be used to him not knowing about some wizarding traditions.

“War is a terrible thing, isn’t it Remus? It reveals the dark inner conflict within us. It unmasks and shows us the ugliness, cruelty, and inhumanity lurking within. It destroys all that was once innocent, good, and pure. We lose more friends than we gain allies. There are no true heroes in war, only victims. I know you can’t hear me now, but I have to say I’m sorry. Voldemort may be gone, but it’s not yet over. Funny, isn’t it? It was so much easier then, I knew Voldemort was evil and choosing sides was so simple ... so black and white...but, it’s not so easy now. Now all I see are shades of gray. I have chosen my shade of gray. I’m sorry, I cannot go against my family. I only pray that when you wake up, you’ll stay away from this conflict, else next time we meet, it will be as enemies. Farewell, my friend.” This speech is so deep (for lack of better word), it sent shivers down my spine. I know lots of people have had similar things about war, but if it's done well it moves me every time. I love your choice of words, the words say so much about Regulus in such a short span of time. You can feel how conflicted he is. His farewell at the end sounded so final, and in a way it is, because he didn't only say goodbye to his friend, but also to a part of himself that would be lost if he followed the darker path he had chosen for himself. This is the best passage of this chapter, the whole fic up until now even!

^_^ I think you\'re the first to mention about that passage ... an indication that I ought to do more serious scenes than all those fooling around.

Wow, I'm truly at a loss of words. This story really moved me and made me think. I'd like to comment on a few things that stood out to me:

First of all Snape's character. Keeping Snape in character is one of the most difficult things in HP fanfiction, I myself failed terribly when I tried, but you seem to have a really good grasp of his character. Both the young and the older Snape were very in character and a definite maturing could be seen in him from the 11-year-old to the adult Snape who is recalling all this. I felt sorry for him the whole time, although he didn't seem to pity himself, which is good because I don't think Snape is the type to pity anyone, least of all himself.

Then I liked how you handled the issue of domestic violence. You only hinted at what Snape's dad did to him and his mum and showed it indirectly through his mum's reaction to her husband's death. I prefer this subtle approach to actually showing the physical abuse, because it has a bigger impact on me and really makes me think. If there's to much violence I just skip parts or stop reading altogether.

What else is there to say? I simply loved your fic, although it made me incredibly sad, because such things occur in some families and I can't do anything about it.

Wow! This is awesome, Laura! You truly have a way with words. I love your descriptions, especially the one of the meadow at the beginning that you interweave with descriptions of your characters. Those really show what your characters are feeling through their actions, and the way you add details about the wood and the sky enhances that even more.

I've never read a Severus/Lily fic before and I always doubted it would be possible to pull it off after their Hogwarts days, when Lily is with James, but you dispelled those doubts with just the first part of your story. I like your explanation for why Lily starts to hang out with James. I can see her not wanting to disrupt the comradery in Gryffindor House by fighting with James and thus starting to be nice to him. What I can't figure out is why she agreed to marry him, if she was dating Severus at the time. Or was it because of the fight her and Severus had on their last day of school? I hope you clear that up in Part 2, but other than that the reasoning behind her and James's growing friendship is flawless.

Severus is well done, too. I wonder why he ever became a Deatheater, though, he sounds like he hated it, even before hearing the prophecy. You'll explain that in Part 2, right? I like Severus's self-conciousness and that he thinks he doesn't deserve someone like Lily. It makes him human to know that he is troubled and doesn't always know the right thing to do. I can't help but feel kind of sorry for him, although I doubt he would want that.

A small white hand clutched onto a fistful of mattered black mane, whilst she kissed the coal-black stubble on the man’s cheek. Do you mean 'a fistful of matted black mane'? 'Mattered' sounds wrong to me.

He sat down on the rickety stool, after placing it the other side of a door, which was slightly ajar so that a pool of light spread across the floor. This has to be 'after placing it on the other side of the door'.

Severus picked himself up and opened his mouth to apologise; he didn’t get chance, however. 'He didn't get a chance' would sound a bit better, and I think there has to be an article there anyway.

Eventually she had plucked up to courage to ask him for help. Small typo, you meant 'the courage' instead of 'to courage', right?

This story put a huge smile on my face, even though today has been really stressful and hectic. Just by reading this little fic I feel so much more relaxed than I did before.

I love your writing style. Your sentences flow effortlessly and I didn't find so much as one word that didn't seem to fit. You mention a huge amount of details and I'd normally say that it would be too much for a one-shot, but your story doesn't get cluttered anywhere. I could see the scene in my mind, that's how real it felt.

I love the message this story conveys. I've seen it used in a number of TV shows I used to watch when I was younger and it always moved something inside of me. This time was no different. I really want to go out of my way to help people now, but sadly this will only last for a week tops. Anyway, the way you tried to convey your message was very well done.

Your characterisation of Kingsley was brilliant. His insecurity where small children are concerned is endearing, especially when the little girl has to run to keep up with him. This just shows his lack of experience with children and is a good example of how much attention you pay to details that most readers probably won't think about twice. I love all these little things that author's work into their fics, the ones that might be overlooked if I'm not careful while reading.

The observations Kingsley makes about Harry, Ron and Hermione and the dynamics of their group towards the end capture the essence of their characters perfectly. I've never thought about them a whole lot, but your statements ring true and made me think about them a bit more.

I really enjoyed reading this. You're an awesome writer, Seren, keep up the good work.

This is a brilliant story. I love the atmosphere you created, it's perfectly haunting. I could really feel the loss all these people had to ensure. The way that all of them try not to notice the differences in each other really showed how much is changed by war, even if you're trying to return to normal, nothing will ever be the same.

I can't say that I particularly like Peter, but it's nice to see him as not just a tag-along. I really felt sorry for him when he was hiding under his bed every time the other Marauders came to visit him.

I like your writing style. The bits of the poem that were scattered throughout the fic added to the haunting quality of it and really showed the emotions of the characters. I, too, think that some of your sentences were a bit too long and had to many commas in them. I love your extensive imagery, but in some places you could have made two sentences out of one and it still would have had the same effect, if not a slightly more intensive one. The use of both short and long sentences made this story an interesting read, it didn't become boring because of too many long sentences, it has the perfect mixture of long and short sentences and kept me hooked from start to finish.

This story certainly was different from anything I’ve ever read, but different is good, in fact, it’s brilliant in this case. It took a bit to get used to the style of this piece, but then it just flowed. The dialogue, even though you didn’t put any quotation marks, didn’t give me any problems. If anything it was easier to read and fit better with the mood of the story without the quotation marks. I don’t know why, but I think quotation marks would have somewhat ruined the atmosphere and the flighty, barely-there feeling of the piece.

I always look out for imagery in a story, mostly because I don’t use much in my own stories or the images don’t convey what I want them to, but imagery is always one of the first things I notice about a story. Two images stood out to me here. First the image of Hermione’s childhood, in which the backdoor is also the door to her imagination. I loved how even as a small child, Hermione lived in two worlds, one the “real” Muggle world, and one the world of her imagination, where magic is possible and fairies and dragons exist. Even though she doesn’t know that she really belongs to that world and is, in fact, a witch, she already lives in it.

The second image was even more powerful, the image of the wall separating her two worlds from each other a few years later again. While she didn’t know she was a witch, the wall was there but with entering Hogwarts, it crumbled. Then it comes back and Hermione has to work even harder to make it crumble this time, it’s not effortless anymore and she isn’t a child anymore. I don’t know if it was your intention, but to me this conveyed the passage from being a child to being an adult, where things that were easy once, become harder and where people really have to work for what they believe in. Childhood is simply compared to adulthood, and this image showed that beautifully, even if it maybe meant something completely different, this is what it suggested to me.

Hermione’s situation as you portray it in this story is one only a few fanfic authors touch upon, but I believe it is one of the problems every Muggleborn witch or wizard faces at one point in their life. They are, as you showed us, part of two worlds, but living in two worlds is nearly impossible, there will always be one world that has to take the backseat. But how do you choose between your family and your friends? I think this story made this issue obvious and it’s very IC for Hermione to try the impossible and live in both worlds, not losing either her parents or her friends and her magic. During her school years it wouldn’t have been as hard, but after her Hogwarts years keeping in touch with her roots, so to speak, while living in the wizarding world and fighting in its war, would be difficult to say the least.

Mrs. Granger’s reaction to her conversation with Hermione is exactly how I imagine a mother would react when her child tells her she has to fight a war and might die. I can understand her reaction, and yet I felt sad for Hermione who nearly lost her family, because her mother couldn’t see how important this was for her daughter, and the whole world. I’m glad Hermione could make her mother see why she has to go away with Ron and Harry, but this whole conversation can’t have been easy on Hermione and you showed that brilliantly in her breakdown after she leaves the house.

The breakdown also shows how much Hermione depends on Harry and Ron and how strong their friendship is, because they are right there for her and help her when she needs them, as she would do for them. It’s the perfect ending for a story that has been mostly about Hermione and her strength in remaining in both worlds, but in the end she isn’t alone and has friends who will help her through anything.

She shows him the living room, offering him a cup or tea. ‘Or’ needs to be ‘of’ here, just a small typo.

As I said before, this story is simply brilliant. I don’t think my review did it justice, but it moved me deeply and I’m glad I got the chance to read it.


Author's Response: Oh. My. I\'m floored by this review. Yes, I can understand when people say \"Well, you needed quotation marks,\" but when someone comes along and s/he completely understands what you\'re trying to say, it\'s amazing. That someone is you - you\'re amazing! This review was so carefully thought-out that it makes writing all the worth while.

Imagery is possibly one of my most favorite figures of speech, and I use it as much as possible, being visually oriented. I\'ve always imagined the door as opening and then the scene being enveloped in light. Quite cinematic, in fact. I\'m glad that you understood that image and the next. And I wrote that metaphor because it seemed cool I knew it was going to parallel a lot of things for a lot of people. I definitely agree that it can also describe the passage from child to adult.

Muggleborn witches and wizards have always been fascinating to me. I was one of those kids who really hoped they\'d receive a letter from Hogwarts after they turned eleven, and I\'ve always fantasised about turning magical and being, obviously, from a \"Muggle\" background. I planned out how I’d be told, how my family would react … yes. I was a complete fan. But here, on MNFF, you can take dreams like that and apply it.

You\'ve just ... gotten it. There\'s no other way to say it. You \"get\" everything. The ending? You interpreted it perfectly. Yes, she can’t do it on her own, and it costs her much more than she thought it would. I\'m going to stop rambling, because this\'ll turn out longer than your review, but thank you so much for this. Every compliment lifts me higher until I feel like I’m flying. It\'s the nicest feeling in the world, to have someone understand something you\'ve done. :)

Wow, this chapter was a rollercoaster ride of emotions for me. I laughed, I sat at the edge of my seat, gripping the table until my knuckles turned white, and then I squeed over the final scene. I totally see why Preethi told me I would love this chapter more than all the others I have read so far, it’s spectacular.

Lily and James are just too funny. James is such a guy where Harry is concerned. It’s not as if Harry wasn’t wearing a diaper. *shakes head at James* I like how Lily and James still fight occasionally, even though they’re happily married and in love, plus imagining James planting flowers the muggle way is just insanely funny.

I’m totally jealous of Hermione for being able to go to the Ministry Archives. What I wouldn’t give to have a library this huge around where I could go to research. Sirius was too cute trying to get out of going there and then being appalled by the mountain of books Hermione gathered.

The attack on the Potters was so sudden, I was totally caught off guard by it. I was so afraid for the Potters and their friends, a total change from the light-hearted, playful mood of the beginning of the Marauder bits, but it finally made me realise that the time Hermione has gone back into is a time of war and fighting as well. The actual fighting scene was very well done, I think, I especially enjoyed James taunting the Death Eaters while fighting with them, it’s just something he would do. Lily, too, didn’t lose her special characteristics and became a hard fighter, which I liked a lot.

I‘m glad Harry was asleep and didn’t notice any of the fighting, he would have been scared to death had he been awake to hear all that before Hermione took him to safety.

The last scene with Hermione and Remus was incredibly sweet. If that doesn’t bring those two closer together, I don’t know what will!

~Ilka

I liked how you showed Hermione’s side in this chapter and let us see how she is feeling about the whole mess. Keeping her hands busy with mindless tasks, trying to lose herself in her books, those are reactions that I can see Hermione having to emotional upheaval like this and I feel as sorry for her as I do for Remus.

I was a bit surprised that it was Sirius who came into the kitchen when Hermione dropped the plate and that it was he who followed her up to her room to talk her into staying with Remus and not Lily, but I suppose Lily will try to get Hermione to talk to her later on when the two of them can be alone, because surely she can see that something is wrong just as well as Sirius can.

Sirius himself was brilliant, he displayed just the right amount of concern for Hermione and bitterness because she was hurting one of his best friends. I liked how you tied his temper in with the way Hermione thought him to be frightening after he escaped from Azkaban sometimes. This younger Sirius is so much more playful than his older version that it’s sometimes hard to see that they are the same character, but moments like this show that very well.

I don’t really have any concrit to give on this chapter, it’s simply too good. ;)

Ooh, time travel! I’ve stumbled across too many stories on ff.net where Hermione or Ginny (or both) go back in time to when the Marauders were at Hogwarts by accident or without a tangible reason, to be really glad that you provided a valid reason for Hermione to travel back in time. I also think it’s good that you included that they can’t risk anyone running into his or her former self, as that shows the dangers of time travel and that it’s not a subject to treat lightly.

The looks Remus keeps sending Hermione have made me really curious in what circumstances they will meet in the past, because I have no doubt that they will meet. He wouldn’t have watched her with an unreadable look all the time, if there wasn’t something he was just remembering/piecing together.

Once again I have to commend you on Hermione’s characterisation, especially in this part, she was brilliant:

There was a moment of silence, and two pairs of worried eyes fixated on Harry’s face. Hermione felt her chest tighten. They had agreed to try to address the situation as normally and as casually as possible, but every time they discussed it, she felt as if an iron fist was crushing her heart into dust. She couldn’t just talk about it knowing that she and Ron really didn’t have any say in the final duel. It all came down to Harry and Voldemort. It was, and always would be, about the both of them.

It would be very weird if she could just talk about someone wanting to kill her best friend as if they were talking about tomorrow’s weather, but I like how she tried to do that to make things easier for Harry. There’s another passage later on, where she mentions how she felt when he had to go up against Voldemort or when he was suffering from nightmares, which I think shows what she must have felt perfectly. I never thought much about how Ron or Hermione must feel watching Harry go through all this, but now that I’ve read this I can see her feeling exactly like you wrote her feelings.

Wow, Lei, I’m glad I finally started reading this, it’s infinitely more interesting and exciting than I thought it would be.