11/10/04
Working on:
-Nothing at the moment. Taking a very extended break.
-Love's EmbraceWill definately be taken down from the site. Just giving two weeks notice. Sorry to all the loyal readers and reviewers.
Finished:
1. Past, Present and Future
2. Behind Blue Eyes
3. Remorse and Purfpi
4. From Hermione with Love
5. Never Say Goodbye
6. When You're Gone (New!)
7. A Whole New World (New!)
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Avenged Sevenfold by SecretKeeper
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary:
UPDATE: Guys, I'm back!
The innocence I’ve lost
The blood it's cost
Leaves unhealed scars within.
But I will not abate,
I will employ the hate
That has been planted deep inside.
I will not falter
Valor will not tire,
And I will survive
This trial by fire.
Many things are different now. Potions class is the least of the trio's worries. Battling dragons would be a welcome alternative to what it is they're attempting to battle now. The Order of the Phoenix is hallow without its leading member. And when someone close to Harry is stolen, Dumbledore's rhetoric of love, hope, and faith is challenged. Harry's strength and resolve are pushed to their limits. Loyalties are tested and new leaders emerge while Harry and Hermione struggle to balance new emotions and uncharted territory. Yet while this time after sixth year proves to be drastically unlike anything Harry's ever experienced, some truths remain, and some affections stand solid.
A novel-type story that explores the engimas of Snape, Horcruxes, war, and above all, the puzzle of love. HBP compliant. HHr.
Date: 03/26/06 Title: Chapter 7: Radiant Eclipse
*screams until all breath has run out* *chokegulpcoughsigh* I cannot believe you had a new chapter up and I just see it now. *cry*
Well, there really isn't much I can say that I haven't said before, in terms of writing skills, grammar, all that stuff. Just absolutely flawless. I adore your descriptions--I especially liked youre very first sentence, sort of foreshadowing what is to come later on the chapter. The battle was described very nicely as well.
From beginning to end, it was filled with so many different emotions, so that one moment I'm going "aww, how sweet", the next I'm laughing, then my heart is in my hands, and by the end I'm nearly in tears. Wonderful!
Now, about the theory. I had heard the one where Harry is already a Horcrux and I actually really like it, although that sort of means that he inevitably will have to kill himself, or that someone will have to kill him. *tear* I really like the spin you put to it--it's always nice to have moderated theories in fics. I just hope against hope that with your superb writing skills and your briliant mind you will find a way around the "Harry-dying-thing". Although tragedies are really beautiful, this would work out much better with a happy Harry and Hermione.
As for the H/Hr in the story, it's perfect, don't worry about it. After all, you need to make it natural and sort of set it up, a thing you've been doing great at.
To end this, just know that I adore everything about this fic and I really hope that for that cliffie, you'll make it up to us by writing a very nice, long chapter, filled with ... everything! Rating-10+. Keep it up!
Date: 04/21/06 Title: Chapter 8: Fall From Grace
I seem to run out of words every time I read a new chapter of this story. Or maybe words are simply not enough, maybe they just can't do this story justice. As of right now, I am in tears and I can definately say this is your best yet. This felt like a chapter right out of the books and I can go as far as to say it was even better.
I loved what you did with the Horcrux and the Horcrux Theory--I just knew you wouldn't let Harry die. The battle scene was amazing, it left me completely out of breath. I really can't find words to describe it. Every little detail just made it so much more real--little things, like Charlie's injury, Harry's "saving-people-thing", it was all just perfect.
However, what I'm most exited about was the way you've slowly developed the Harry/Hermione relationship. Here we see a little bit more of that, and it's just so perfect--not too rushed, not too slow. Panic, terror, and every emotion that had his heart racing minutes before on Azkaban climaxed as he fearfully scanned her face. The feeling and emotion of this is undescribable. Then there's: But then he felt Hermione’s hand grazing his cheek. Goosebumps ran down his spine. So simple and yet so right. ... but as he concentrated on the warm pressure of Hermione’s hands sweeping through his hair, the noises of the chaotic house died out… the prospect of it all seemed almost tolerable, the knowledge of reality almost endurable, and he felt he could rise above it… maybe… if only he had a few more minutes… a few more minutes lying here, a familiar, sweet scent relaxing his muscles… a few more minutes… I just had to write this whole thing here. It was the most perfect ending I have ever read. Lovely, but heart-wrenching at the same time. The emotion in this chapter was unbelievable. And I don't just mean the romance. The Weasleys' sorrow, Harry's defeated state, Hermione's pain, were all so real, so tangible.
Wonderfully written. I have no more words. *tear* Even if ratig were still working, they would be useless. Bravo!
Author's Response: MSPADFOOT! Oh, I always anticipate what you have to say! You\'re absolutely fantastic, thank you soooo, so much for your incredible, heartwarming review. I was really quite worried about my Horcrux theory, as there have been so many floating about, and I didn\'t want this to be the typical \"Harry searches for Horcruxes and discovers his feelings for Hermione\" plot. There\'s enough of those. I cannot even BEGIN to tell you how thrilled I am to know you appreciate my particular theory... and! What\'s more, the HHr progression! I have to tell you, I\'ve been growing extremely anxious about that, because I REALLY wanted it to build up, getting a bit more recognizable each chapter, and part of me has been so worried I haven\'t done that well enough. But you say I have, and that makes me swell with renewed confidence. Thanks so much for pointing out the specific lines too... really helps me know what you like and what you don\'t, so I can try and cater to the audience a bit. :) And I\'m glad you liked the ending too. *hug* Thanks again mspadfoot, you\'ve been incredible inspiration.
Date: 01/17/06 Title: Chapter 4: Waking the Fallen
*looks at dedication* I feel so loved!
This chapter was soio very beautiful and so very touching! Starting from the action scene right up to the Grimmauld Place scene, it was perfect! Breathtaking! The fighting between Harry and Peter was absolutely amazing! I could hardly finish one sentence because my eyes just kept traveling to the enxt one and that, to me, happens with very few books. And then the scene in Grim Place... *cries* so powerful! I have no words to describe how I felt when Harry and Hermione kept telling each other the truth in such a ... special way... You can really see their bond there and what will become so much more. ;) Of course, gramatically it was perfect and the characterisation was down to pat, as always. Wonderful, wonderful work! *sigh* Rating-10+
Clair De Lune by Astrid Skywalker
Rated: 6th-7th Years •Summary:
It was full moon when the Dark Lord sealed a part of his soul within a magical amulet, and then broke it in half. One half was left to the faithful werewolves to guard. The other half was tossed into the impenetrable depths of time where no one but him could get it. When the first half has been found, the Order of the Phoenix selects Hermione Granger to go back into the past to search for the missing piece. What is waiting for her is a brutal task that will test her beyond her limits, and an undying love that extends beyond the boundaries of time.
RL/HG, Post-HBP
No werewolves were harmed in the making of this story.
Winner of 2007 Quicksilver Quills Awards - Best Non-Canon Romance
Update (9 May): Chapter 17, Burning, is up! Enjoy!
Date: 08/24/07 Title: Chapter 9: Clair De Lune
So yes. This is my very first review for this fic, but I have to say I've really, really enjoyed it this far! It's very refreshing to see a new take on the going-back-to-the-past scenario--instead of doing it by accident, it was done with a purpose. Very nice.
Now, this chapter. My favorite so far, I have to say. I loved the whole Dearborn scene and how he gives Hermione so much of the info she needs. Just his presence and the way you wrote him, radiates a sort of warmth and light--in my mind I was getting the feeling of a Patronus. Hm, maybe it's just me, but this character seems to give hope. I'm loving the plot so far, and I can see that remus might have to end up helping Hermione in the end. *crosses fingers*
The romance in this chapter was delightful. I love the way their friendship is slowly blossoming into something more and I love how that's not happening overnight. I have heard Clair de Lune and it's very pretty, I'm just wondering whether Remus would playing the piano wuld be very cannon. There's nothing to say that it's not, but to me it seems a bit overly-romantic. Also, I wonder that he knows how to go about seducing a firl (ie. the ending paragraph) when he's been so influenced by his condition his entire life. Just my two cents.
I really like the birthday partuy scene! It added much lightheatedness to the fic, something I think every good fic, no matter how dark it is, needs. A nice touch with the broomstick joke as well! Very teenager-y of the both of them, but I enjoyed it as it seemed so cannon.
Oh, and I forgot to mention, that I love your writing style, simple in a way, but filled with so much emotion. It's something, I think, every author-especially every romance author-needs. Very well done, indeed!
~Emma
Date: 09/08/07 Title: Chapter 10: Surrender
Lovely ... but very sad.
I really like your writing style and I love how every sentence gives off a feeling of very powerful emotion here.
I really adored Remus' transformation and I did like the little detail about him feeling pre-full moon pain. It seemed to fit the feel of the stroy perfectly. The transformation itself was written very, very well, IMO, and I could just feel the pain that Remus had to endure. I loved how Jane was the person he thought of before transforming. Heartwrenching!
I also really, really liked the constant care Jane kept showing Remus and I can see how he would be able to confess his love to her. Perhaps, as you showed wonderfully in the flashbacks, no one had ever been so very attentive to him. Hermione's reaction I was less pleased to see, because, although it was very IC, it was horrible to see Remus have to go through all of that. He deserves muchos more.
I do hope Hermione gets a grip on herself, realizes her love for him, and than you can take it from there. Lol. Very nice indeed. Keep it up.
~Emma
Date: 09/08/07 Title: Chapter 11: Stuck
Right then. This was very painful to read. I almost cannot believe that Hermione would have it in her to be so tactless, so cruel, withour meaning to. It worked for the story, though, don't worry! I actually found it higly realistic, however horrible it was to endure.
I felt for poor Remus so much! I liked the way Lily and Sirius tried to keep them together and it was clear that they had at least, understood what was going on. I do have to mention one thing, though. I don't know why, but something didn't quite click at the way Sirius spoke here at this last scene. Maybe it was the idea that he would hurt his best friend in the world, because he had in turn hurt a girl whom they had just met, although endeared quickly enough. This might just bring out the gallant and gentelmanly side of Sirius, but it reamains a bit weird for me.
Anywho, the very feel of the chapter was ... wow. Hermione was very IC, as usual, trying to submerse herslef in books. I felt that worked particularily well. And last this one sentence:
“You’re breaking his heart, Jane,” he uttered softly, with a tinge of bitterness. “Know that.” He then silently disappeared into the hallway.
*tear* I felt all of the emotion and pain that Remus was feeling poured into that one sentence. Wonderfully done! I must add, that you seem to have a knack for ending chapter in the most beautiful ways!
~Emma
Date: 01/31/06 Title: None
Very nice start! I loved the first chapter--the description of Luna and her father were just like I imagined them. I especially loved the fact tha Luna's father was a distracted man--very fitting. The dance scene made me laugh aloud--so much so, that my mom came in my room to see what was wrong. Wonderful!
The second chapter was very good as well. I loved the description of the place Luna is in, so vivid, it made me feel like I was there. At first I was surprised that Luna was talking to a dragon, but your explanation of "speaking dragon" made me change my mind.
As for constructive criticism--I don't think there can be any with such talented writers (three, not one) and such a great Beta. I can't wait for an update! Rating-10.
~mspadfoot89~
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! We've enjoyed working on it, and it's very gratifying to know that someone else is enjoying it too. Chapter 3 is in the queue. Why does a mod bother to submit to the queue, you ask? Why, to torture the other mods, of course! *pokes Jan*
Love, Poultrygeist
Date: 02/04/06 Title: None
Loved it! I have to say, that bit of info on dragons, at the beginning is truly well written and I loved reading it. Parts of the story made me laugh aloud--great job! I like Charlie's view of everything--it seems that he and Luna do have some stuff in common. Great job! Can't wait to read more! Rating-10+
Slings and Arrows by Magical Maeve
Rated: •Summary: A young woman suffers at the hands of her husband, until one day he goes too far and she walks out of her front door to an unknown future. Her future appears in the form of Charlie Weasley, but what exactly does fate have in store for the pair of them? Written for Poultrygeist as a covert cupid.
Date: 08/11/06 Title: Chapter 1: Slings and Arrows
Wow! This was really something. I must say, you kept on the edge of my seat during the whole of this fic. I loved it from the very beginning. Family abuse scares the hell out of me for some reason, and it was pretty horrible reading about it in this way, but during the whole time my heart was crying out for Rosa. To tell you the truth I was very afraid that this would not end well, but luckily it did. *sigh*
I love the way you wrote this. The descriptions vivid, the feeling raw and pure and so deep, the plot line amazing. I can't describe the emotion I felt when I read this line: "...rust falling away from her heart as it struggled back to life". Absolutely splendid.
One last thing, Rosa Holtz was such a well-developed character! I was amazed.
So, fantastic job! If the rating system was still on, a definite 10. :D
Black and Blue by QueenHal
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: In the months following the end of the Second War, Hermione feels as if her world is shattered. Will the man who saved the world be able to save her as well? A rom-angsty look at a Post-Hogwarts Harry/Hermione.
Written for SomberBallad for the Secret SPEW challenge.
8/15 - I've responded to all reviews! Thank you all so much for your lovely words. They're much appreciated.
Date: 06/02/06 Title: Chapter 1: One Shot
*gasp* Wow. I mean ... wow. That was truly beautiful. I'm a very avid H/Hr shipper and this fic just hit home. I adored it. It was written beautifully, with so much feeling and emotion and you had me in tears by the end. I'm just sorry it wasn't longer or that I hadn't read this before. *sigh* Wonderful. Rating-10
Author's Response: When I get amazing reviews like this, I get all tingly inside. Thank you so much :) I had never really considered H/Hr before writing this.. and I have to say, it turned me around. I\'m] touched that it hit you so deeply! Thank you for reading <3
A Gift of Love by lunafish
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Love comes in all shapes and sizes. Filius Flitwick/Female Canon Character. Posted before DH.
Date: 03/01/06 Title: Chapter 1: A Gift of Love
I loved it. My favorite author has done it again! Throughout it the story made me smile and even tear up a number of times. The mere thought of Filius having a secret admirer is ... I don't know ... it just gives one such a happy, contented feeling and I do wonder why.
As he looked at the names that decorated the tags, names of students he had protected and others who had stood with him in the front lines as the battle raged around the castle last summer, he nodded in understanding.
This part got me all teary--nice, but simple. I loved it!
Surrounded as he was by the chaos of first years attempting levitation on variously sized objects—which unhappily, though predictably, included the little teacher himself—it took a full five minutes for the owl to get his attention.Here I must say, I laughed aloud, reminded of how Flitwick always becomes the victim in his own lessons.
The parchment itself wouldn’t survive the process, she’d said with tears in her eyes. Such a true canon statement--I adored it!
when he came upon Irma and Argus enjoying a tête-à-tête outside the library. Now that's cringeworthy, but very well written. You seem to have a knack for writting the proffesors.
but then he saw her eyes light up at the sight of Firenze walking up and realized the real reason she’d been spending so much time on the first floor. You haven't forgetten a single one! I honestly cannot say when I've had such a great time reading a fic! It's brilliant!
I could go on like this for ages, but I won't. It was lovely. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face, especially now that I have the flu. Rating-10!
Author's Response: I\'m sorry I haven\'t responded to this review until now, but I did appreciate all the wonderful comments--you really seem to pay attention and notice those details that I tried to get just right! Thanks so much for reviewing!
Date: 05/15/06 Title: Chapter 1: Only Rain
Wow! Well ... hem hem ... wow. Having never read any of your stories, I'm now so very surprised at how such an author could have escaped my notice--what's more an author that belongs to the same house as me. Your writing is simply splendid, I love what you do with your characters and this story was especially moving for me. The way you displayed Sirius' life and feelings as in a sort of timeline of bad thing after bad thing, the use of rain as a metaphor, the Marauder interaction, but most of all, the heart-breaking ending (for me, at least), were all wonderfully done. I applaud you as I go to read more of your fics! Here's to Sirius! Keep up the wonderful work. Rating-10.
Toll This Bell by Noldo
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: Five very different careers for Sirius Black. (Wartime, though, is always the same.)
Date: 09/11/06 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Wow. That was really beautiful and wuite touching. I've read a few of your stories and you seem to have a nack for writing Sirius and Regulus. The imagery was Exquisite . There was one thign that I loved most about this fic though, and that was the use of fire everywhere. Somehow it made it all the more obvious that a war was going on. And the reductor curse--urgghh. A perfect detail. Absolutelu wonderful!
It Is Our Choices by GBrampton
Rated: 6th-7th Years •Summary: His tortured and bleeding body lay broken and twisted on the ground. He was wrecked and he could not move. In the distance, he thought he could hear voices but he was beyond caring. He didn’t want to fight anymore. He had done what he had set out to do and wanted peace.
What if Harry had made a different choice? Would he be the person we recognise him to be? Special thanks to black_ink for allowing me to use her idea.
Date: 08/10/06 Title: Chapter 1: One
Wow. Well, let me just say that this was absolutely wonderful. I was hooked since the first two lines.
The descriptions you used were amazing, and the imagery--wow. I loved how the different emotions seemd to scream out from the computer screen. Also, I don't think I've ever read a more accurate account of an AU!Harry. You managed to keep Harry's nature while placing him in different situations. The part where he was dying was heartwrenchingly moving.
The Draco/Harry romance threw me off a bit, at first--me being compltely opposed to HP slash--but as I read on, I realized it made perfect sense. With Harry and Draco not being enemies anymore, and all I guess that would totally depend upon the sort of friendship they had.
Anyway, wonderful job here. I enjoyed it immensly!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your comprehensive review. I now have strong case of warm fuzzies! I\'m so glad you enjoyed my story
Usually, I\'m only average as far as imageryis concerned, but the format of this story lent itself to short bursts of description that just seem to flow. I\'m glad that it wasn\'t too cumbersome.
I confess that I very rarely write Harry in my stories. Because he is such a well-known character, I\'m worried that I will not do him justice and make him OOC. I\'m happy you thought I kept his nature. It really can be a case of nature vs. nurture sometimes, but I honestly think that the two are never mutually exclusive.
I had a review from somone on another website who had a very strong objection to Harry/Draco in my story, but I never did find out why. I do like to flatter myself that the way it was written was subtle. My AU!Harrry ended up a confidante of Draco\'s, something that Draco lacks in the books. It would not be the first romance in history to come about because of a strong friendship.
Thank you again for letting me know what you thought. It means a lot!
Broken Glass by Morwen
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: There were twelve years in which Remus Lupin lived alone, after he lost everything. How does one survive that?
Date: 08/05/06 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Oh wow! I really,r eally liked this story. It was wrtten so simply and yet so powerfully! You nearly had me im tears at hte beginning. I can see Remus doing everything that you described and I love how you chose these diffrent moments from his life. It's sad really, a very sad life for poor Remus. I especially love the part with all the pictures on the wall--it had such a strong emotional pull! Wonderful, wonderful job!
Her Worst Memory by babyeinstein12
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Harry looks back into Hermione's past and realizes that she deserves more than she gets.
Date: 08/05/06 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue
Very nice job here! I really enjoyed what you've written so far. What I loved most about this first chapter of yours are the descriptions. The first paragraph struck me as something so beautiful and sad, and it immediatly drew me in.
Usually, after HBP people don't bring back Angsty!Harry anymore, but you worked it so well into the story, it seemed just right. Also, Hermione's characterization was spot on--the way she handed harry her cloak, all bossy. Her pain was almost tangible--you described it so well!
Keep writing and hope to read more from you!
Author's Response: thank you for your review! Yes, the next chapter will actually go more in-depth on Hermione\'s pain, so please wait up!
One Chance by blacsilver_serpent
Rated: 6th-7th Years •Summary: One marriage. Two people. Countless problems.
The truest test of love is not being able laugh together during easy times but to deal with blow after crushing blow during the most difficult moments. Bill and Fleur are now married to each other. Tension and friction arise between them.
Suspicion. Inconfidence. Anger. Bitterness.
When all these feelings boil beneath the surface, when opinions collide and when another’s fidelity is questioned, will Bill and Fleur’s love prevail? Will their marriage break and stay apart or will their love last? Is Fleur truly ‘good-looking enough’ for both Bill and herself? Read and find out.
Rating is for a sensitive issue in the story.
I am Wulfric Brian Dumbledore over at the forums, from Hufflepuff.This is written for the February One-Shot Challenge.
Date: 10/21/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Aww, that was so sweet! The plot-line was amazing and I could defiantely see where you came from with this. I really liked how you had Bill have side-effects other the the already-mentioned ones. It made the story seem much more real, and frankly, it seems weird that a scarred face is all he got. Lucky man, he is. I think your characterization of Fleur was spot on. Hoenstly, there was not one flaw I could find in her persona. But the thing I loved most about your writing is your imagery. The way you use words to get us to see what you are thinking is just ... wow! Also, I noticed a little contrast here and there and that was wonderful as well. A nice fic with a dark side, but amazingly good to the heart. Loved it!
~Emma
In His Head by BloodRayne
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Peter continues to feed his hatred...where will it take him?
For the April Challenge, Prompt 1 (Succumbing to Darkness), by BloodRayne of Gryffindor house.
Date: 08/24/07 Title: Chapter 1: Feeding Hatred
This was certainly a different take on Peter and his relationship with the Marauders. I did like it, although it through in a bad light one of my fave characters (Sirius). :P
First off, it's true and we've seen it in the books that Sirius and James do make fun of Peter and that's a good starting point for this story. But no matter what the excuse, I still feel that everything is still Peter's own fault. He has had the chance many times, over the years, to tell his friends how he felt. I mean, just the way you portrayed in this fic, the moment he complained to James about feeling left out, he got the Secret Keeper job. If he had said, "Stop making fun of me" earlier, than I feel almost certain the teasing would have stopped. But, just like you showed here, he went on feeding his anger, choosing to feel left, ignoring even Remus was always decent to him. *sigh*
Which, brings me to my other point. Peter could have easily befriended Remus, could he not? If it was always James and Sirius, it could easily have been Remus and Peter, but again, Peter chose the easiset way out. It's almost despicable how much he wants his ex best friend to suffer. What happened to all the good memories an the times that Peter had felt included? Indeed, I'm almost positive that without the Marauders peter would have been a loner, but here are the people that befriended him and here's the way he repays them? And what had Harry erv done to him?
So yes, to end my incoherent ramblings, you did a very wonderful job of showing us Peter's reasons, and while the hurt and the pain is obvious, I still can't help but side with the Marauders (the true Marauders).
On another note, your writing flowed really well, and your way with words was nice. A hooking story.
~Emma
Author's Response: It was meant to look like it was Peter\'s fault, so I\'m glad everyone noticed. Thanks for the review, Emma!
The Bedroom at the Burrow by Pondering
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Fred thought that death would be more exciting than an uncluttered bedroom.
First Place in The Next Great Adventure prompt in the Autumn Challenge of 2007!
Date: 09/21/07 Title: Chapter 1: The Bedroom at the Burrow
Aww, this was such a nice story! Believe it or not, it totally gave me the closure I needed after Fred's death. It seemed unnatural for Fred to die without George, and now that I stop and think about it, it would seem even more unnatural for him to live the afterlife without George.
I have to say, to me, this fic made perfect sense! It was sweet, not overly fluffy but more bittersweet. I love the little bits of humour mixed in here and there--you certainly have a knack for grasping the twins humour, yet making it seem original. I loved it! Another thing I really liked was the way Fred was able to hear George's thoughts. For me, it was like the twins' bond was so strong, not even death could severe it. I wonder if it could work the other way around, if George could hear or else feel, some of Fred's thoughts and emotions. It's an interesting thought, either way.
Overall, a very nice job, and a very worthy addition to the Ravenclaw entries! Seems like a winner to me!
~Emma
Author's Response: Thanks! I\'m glad you liked the humour, it took me a little while to get it right--the original didn\'t have that much and when I was rereading it the last time before I placed it in the queue, I was thinking that something was missing. :D
I\'d like to think that Fred and George are together in the afterlife, united again. :)
Thanks for the review!
The Inner Eye by Pondering
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Sybill Trelawney's Inner Eye foretells that her first day of teaching at Hogwarts will be horrible. Is it right?
Won second place in the extra credit category for the Autumn Challenge in 2007.
Date: 09/30/07 Title: Chapter 1: The Inner Eye
Hehe! This was a very pretty, lighthearted piece of fanfiction! I really think you managed to capture both of the protagonists' charcters, but I especially loved the way McGonagall was written. She seemed her stern, strict self and then unexpectedly, she lets her guard down, much like she's done with Harry sometimes.
I like the idea of Sybill's first day, although, I too, would have wished for this to be longer. Maybe she could have encountered a Hermione-esque kind of student, who could have given her even more trouble or I dunno ... little things, just like the breaking of the crystal balls. Either way, this a very nice read.
There's a little typo in this sentence here: I was going to say is that on my first day is that one of my students accidentally transfigured his entire head to that of a wolf’s. Get rid of one of the two is that.
Oh, and before I go, I just have to highlight this little sentence, because I think it captures Sybill's personality so completely! If she was going to have an awful time on the first day of term, she should let it happen deliberately, then her Inner Eye would be correct after all and there would be no need for concern.
~Emma