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That's just about all that can be said about me. Have a nice day!
Bloody hell... this is very beautiful! The ending is just so powerful that I started shaking. The newspaper article is so lovely... you had me grinning throughout the entire thing. The descriptions in the Daily Prophet article are poignant, detailed and thoughtful. At the beginning of the fic, I’ll admit that I was a little worried, because there was actually too much detail that the description seemed stressed. After some dialogue was thrown in there, however, it was much easier to get through. It only dawned on me at the end when Elizabeth said, "Tell me about Dad," that she's Harry's daughter. I wish I had realized that earlier, because it would have made the read even that more powerful. Spectacular job overall… it was very charming and thought provoking.
Author's Response: Wow! Thanks a lot for reading, and thanks for leaving such a wonderful review! I\'ve not written a lot of stories (one-shots or not) that deal with a lot of emotions and . . . stuff, for lack of a better word right now :) so I\'m glad you liked it. I was pretty surprised as well that it turned out as good as it did, to be honest, considering I wrote it so fast. Don\'t worry about not figuring out Elizabeth was Harry\'s daughter until the end; I didn\'t leave a whole lot of clues in the beginning anyway. But again, thanks a lot for reading and leaving such a great review!
The way you wrote this is quite powerful, and the wording demonstrates the meaning of the poem very well. My favourite part is "No one will listen to her,
No one will look at her,
No one will pity her,
No one will love her."
Simple, but very effective. It's straight to the point and makes the reader feel a bit of her pain. The ending ties in lovely with the tone you used throughout the poem. In addition, I love the imagery you scattered throughout it! From the tattered white gown down to the slippery golden pearls... very beautiful description. Overall, I thought this was an excellent read! Great work!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I\'m very flattered and delighted at the moment. Thanks again!
Debbie, Debbie, Debbie. Do me a favour: self-advertise your ficcies in the Slyth Common Room more often dearie. I added this to my favourites. Narcissa=LOVE! You did so great with her emotions and the way you presented the war at the beginning is beautiful. And you made me cry when little Drakey died. Soo.. even though I have to get off now, this weekend I'm going Debbie hunting! That's where I read and review all your stories, just because I'm a fan of angst and now a Debbie fangirl. I'm going to stick to you like glue... only the Pureblood way, whatever that is. Fabulous job!
Author's Response: Your reviews make me laugh my head off! You\'re my first ever fangirl, dear! Or at least the first one that said so... :) I\'m so glad you liked this fic! Thanks so much for reviewing! Again, I\'m speechless...and that happens very rarely....
Aww! *Smothers Arabella with hugs* It's nice to see a fic about such a minor character for once!
I'm really in love with the way you started this out. "Arabella Figg was waiting. She was lying on the floor, underneath the window in the upstairs hallway and she was waiting." The fact that you restated that she was waiting just adds so much to it... making a point to inform the reader that her long wait has a lot to do with the rest of the story. If she weren’t waiting for the letter that will never come, she wouldn't be a squib, so I really like that you made a point to state that twice.
Joanie seems like a little prat! This is great that you had her act that way though. Since she's the antagonist, she contributes many negative feelings that Arabella has about herself. Maybe if Joanie wasn't so cruel to her and didn't tease her about being a Squib, Arabella wouldn't feel so badly about being one. So, I really like that you had Joanie being brutal, because she adds a lot to the story.
In addition to Joanie, I really like the rest of the family, and how each one plays a part in Arabella's feelings by their reactions that she's a Squib. Not only is Arabella in denial at first, but so is her father, and that shows that he really wants her to be happy and refuses to believe that something like this can disappoint her. Her mother sort of reminds me of Molly Weasley, because she's very concerned for her daughter and is considerate to her feelings. One thing I did notice though, was a slight change in Gwendolyn's reaction. At first, you state that she would try to lighten the mood with jokes. "The last thing she wanted right now was Belinda’s reassuring pat on the hand, Gwendolyn’s mood lightening jokes, Valerie’s guarantee that everything will work out, and Joanie’s relentless teasing." But, then you say that she's "acutely edging away from her", which could state that she’s frightened or ashamed of Arabella. I do also really like Belinda and Valerie, because they seem to offer kindness and comfort to Arabella, throwing aside the fact that she’s a Squib.
And the end… simply perfect! I love, love, love that you talked about the whole caterpillar, butterfly, grub thing! It all connects in with the rest of the fic so brilliantly! How Arabella realizes that the grub accepted his fate, and how she needs to accept hers… very well written. I’m just in awe of the ending, truly.
Overall, I thought this was magnificently written, and it all flows together so lovely. The characterization was very well developed, and I especially love the dialect. I could really feel Arabella’s anger and disappointment, and you made me pity her, and love her. But, I’ve rambled on long enough. Fabulous job!
Author's Response: Thanks!
I thought that Arabella would need someone to make her feel really horrible about herself, and an older sister (Joanie) would be the perfect person to do it!
Hmm, about that Gwendolyn thing... I suppose I needed someone to do something really ridiculous and I liked Belinda and Valerie too much to make them do it.
Thank you. Lovely review:)
Aw, that was so beautiful! Narcissa is my favourite female character, and there's so little of her in fanfiction, especially written well in character studies. I couldn't have asked for anything better than this.
The sentence, "It’s the same lie she tells herself when she sees the man they chose for her teaching the same rules that have brought her to the deepest pit of Hell to the only person she’s ever really loved," was really confusing, however. I had to read it over quite a few times until I understood it. Other than that, the sentences flow very nicely and are right to the point. I love the metaphors you have scattered throughout the story, comparing her to ice and such. This was a really powerful one-shot... I felt like I actually was Narcissa. You showed how hard it must truly be on her, and how unsure she is of her choice about the way to live her life. I love the beginning, when you speak of how weak she was emotionally which is why she conformed to her superior's rules and made them her own. I think it's great how you elaborate on that throughout the fiction. I'm definitely adding this to my favourites; it's a one of a kind work. Great job!
*Sobs and huggles Ellen* This was so sad! I love that in addition to speaking of the torment and pain Ellen went through, you show the guilt Cedric and the harassers had afterward, and how Cedric ponders whether he could have saved her at the end. I really like how you had Cedric question himself at the end, because not only did it speak a lot of his character, but also showed his true regret that he didn’t defend her. This is very, very powerful, and all the emotions are extremely real. Ellen reminds me a lot of Luna with her oddities and failure to fit in and be accepted. This sent shivers down my spine, because this really does happen to many people and you just portrayed that so beautifully. This really touched me, and I love it. Spectacular job!
Aw! This fic demonstrates companionship beautifully! I remember someone mentioning the lack of this pairing quite a long time ago, and since then, I've been waiting patiently to read a character/Crookshanks fic (I myself would never be able to pull it off). I love the understanding that Crookshanks shows towards McGonagall, and how he helps her through a rough time when no one else is there for her, simply by listening. I'm also so glad that you showed her softer side. I do think, however, that you could have had a few more various actions that would have helped build up the understanding that Crookshanks had showed towards McGonagall, but I do know that it's difficult to show that with him being part cat. It was a fun read and demonstrated the need of a friend during a dark time perfectly. Excellent job overall... now I'm in love with this pairing!
Author's Response: Thank you very much! After I took this challenge I panicked a little about how to write this pairing...multiple people suggested romance...and I tried to steer clear of that... I\'m glad you liked it! Thank you for reading and reviewing!
Ooh, I think this is one of my favourite poems ever, and trust me, I read poems very often. I love the way you write it as if he is having a wise, elderly person speaking gently to him of his wrongdoing, and calling him "Little Peter" just adds to it. The fact that it's actually his conscience speaking to him seems quite ironic to me. They wording is simplistic but you speak in a manner that is just so lovely. I especially adore that you had the option of writing a one-shot for this, but instead wrote a poem. It portrays an air of innocence, even through his guilt, and I like that. And… *squee* it's free of punctuation errors! Many people write excellent poems but can't do the punctuation well... but not you. Anyway, I think this is very cute, and I think I just might have to add it to my favourites! Great job.
Author's Response: Oh, my! Thank you for this lovely review!
Written as a Gauntlet Maze Challenge entry by Cruciatus Love of Slytherin.
This is really well written, Shay! You kept me very interested the entire time... great job!
I *love* the way you wrote Tom. He's completely in character, and it's great that you had his determination and thirst for power show through so boldly. I also like that you didn't make him Gary Stu-ish by easily completing all the tasks, but made it realistic while, at the same time, showing that he was already quite powerful for his age in his later school years. It's just a great balance of pre-Voldemort and average schoolboy.
This part made me giggle: "Oddly enough, the word that stuck out the most in his mind was ‘ink’s’. It could either mean that the bane belonged to or pertained to the ink, but he supposed it meant that the ink is bane. This double-meaning was simply another reason to dislike the English language." For some reason, it just reminds me terribly of you... like the grammar nazi!Shayla came alive. =)
Lestrange's murder has such a wonderful touch at the end. Again, it shows Tom’s determination to have power very well. I also saw it connecting a lot to the turnout in GoF, which is nicely done.
My favourite paragraph is this:
"This was just yet another lesson that showed Tom not to trust anyone. Even those that you think are loyal to you will use every chance they can get for a shot at their own power. Everyone had a lust for power, and it would end up being the destruction of them all. No one could properly learn how to use it unless they had lived life without it. That was why Tom could do so much: because he had once had so little."
Not only did it give reason to Tom's actions during the Gauntlet, but it also displayed his character perfectly. That small bit shows why he trusts no one, even his most faithful, and I could definitely see him thinking that.
Overall, Shay, this was simply wonderful. Definitely the best Gauntlet submission I've read so far. The way you write Tom is ace, and I wouldn't change a thing about it.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for all your wonerful comments, Steph. I also like the paragraph that you pulled out of this peice as being your favourite, as it actually reminds me a lot of you. Funny how HP characters can do that. ;) Thanks for the review!
I'm in absolute love with this story. I must admit to being surprised when you proved Hedwig to have almost... human-like thoughts, could you call them? It felt like you had a human being narrating the story, and I like that you give Hedwig so much character other than being just an ordinary owl that is oblivious to everything. The descriptions are absolutely beautiful. I think my favourite part of this, though, was the whole theme. It was put together so brilliantly, with the entire bound theme being tied in with fate and love.
I never thought about owls having multiple owners, but now that you mention it, it does seem likely I suppose. I mean, if someone no longer wants their pet then they must go back to the storeowner to be sold again, right? So, you thought that idea out quite well.
I'm just blown away at the way you wrote Hedwig's thoughts and emotions... it's like there's a real person in there. This was a really enjoyable read... excellent work!
Author's Response: Wow, thank you! This is one of the sweetest reviews I\'ve ever gotten; I\'m honored! I\'m glad you liked the theme and how I portrayed Hedwig. And that you find her having other owners plausable. Most people (including me) don\'t! Thanks for the lovely review!
Aww, I don't know what to say! This is written magnificently. I've always been so interested in Andromeda because she's the one sister who is often forgotten, and I love reading fics about her. The characterisation couldn't get any better, truly.
At first, I had to reread a couple of paragraphs in the beginning because I just couldn't concentrate on what I was reading... I was so interested in the title! I knew I had read that same exact title somewhere, but I couldn't remember where. Then it dawned on me... Jen made you that story banner, and I saw it in her gallery! Wow, I'm just glad I figured that one out.
Anyway, back to the actual story. Despite a couple of errors that I noticed, the writing in general is lovely. The thoughts are all tied together just so perfectly. My favourite part was definitely the end, and more specifically, the last sentence. It summed up the entire story, and title, absolutely beautifully. Great work!
Author's Response: Aww, I was completely unaware that you had reviewed this, and I was sobbing when I read it. Steph, I love you and miss you. We all do. I think that you know that. I know that you\'ll never read this, but thank you so, so, much. Rest in peace, hun. We all love you.