Hello All,
I am woomama, aka Tina. I am 38 years old, mother of 2 wonderful children ages 10 & 8. I love reading and have always wanted to be a writer. Usually I read Fantasy/SciFi books. I have been a part of the SCA (ask me). Castles, Dragons, Knights and Damsels in distress have always been my passion. However Harry Potter has become my obsession. Finding Mugglenet and most especially FanFiction has been a dream come true. I am having entirely too much fun. It has brought alot of joy into my life at a time of great stress and unhappiness. It is giving me a chance to hone my writing skills and has gotten me taking notes, once again, for my own novel that I plan to write someday. I am also meeting alot of very wonderful people from all over the world.
As for my story, I am having alot of fun writing it. I am not really even sure where it is going but I have lots of ideas.
Special Thanks go out to Skulblaka and Professor_Lupin_Lover, and now Insecurity, my wonderful Beta's. Without them I am sure that I would never get anything approved.
Back to the fun. Enjoy. And if you do read, please review. Not all writers write solely for themselves, I think some of us need to know that we are making others happy too.
xoxoxoxoxoxox
woomama
Ok, you got me. I really want to hear what happens next. It has been so long since you updated. Don't you feel like you want to update some more. Aren't you feeling like writing right now. Keep your eye on the pocket watch as it swings back and forth and back and forth.......
This story is written in the form of a classic in my opinion. It is thought provoking and leads you away from the normal story line to the inner depths of it's characters. I must say, that being a Snape enthusiast, I don't like the Snape in this chapter. It is not that you have written him badly, but that you have written him so well, and in such a way as I have not seen before that I do not like the amount of depression and inner turmoil that he displays. Of course my desire for Snape and Hermione to fall in love probably plays a large part of that. Your story however, is perfectly in sync with how your characters are reacting. It is definitely dark and angsty. I also want to explain what I mean when I say that I feel that your story is written in the form of a classic. I am an average, average joe (or josephine), and your story has the depth and imagery that my average brain can't just quickly gloss over. I have to read slowly and allow the words to flow in and be processed. Believe me, I offer this as a very high compliment. Your story is beautiful. It is also highly complimentary that you can actually make me dislike a character that I absolutely adore, without sacrificing him to utter OOC-ness.
Ok, so enough of the flowery compliments and on to the errors that I have found. I think these are probably editing errors but you can let me know.
From the lamplight of this single candle, I feel almost brazen mentioning this to you, but, candles don't make "lamplight" only light or "candlelight."
You say that you do will not fight for him, but to shoot out a curse at any man across the battlefield is surely spreading his work. I think this was just a matter of not taking the "do" out of the sentence.
Well, more fool me for wanting it. I think this would flow better if it were Well, more the fool am I for wanting it
But he leaving me isn’t going to erase the memories. he should be his in this instance. But his leaving me isn't going to erase the memories.
Ok that is all I have. I love this story. There are only a handful of chaptered stories that are this long that I will stick with, and currently this is the only one of this length. Keep up the good work and I will look for the next chapter.
woomama
Author's Response: *huggles Tina* This is a lovely review. Thank you very much! I will go back and change those errors... hmmm... lamps and candles - what\'s the difference again? *giggles* I am glad you find it worth reading because I sometimes wonder if it\'s worth writing, lol. My love for imagery has been something that\'s developed from all my analysis of it in school. It isn\'t something to gloss over, so I am glad you don\'t!
I am totally in awe of your story. I started reading it, thinking that it was completed, and now I am hanging by a thread waiting for the outcome. A writer knows that he is affecting his audience when they feel angst over the characters. I am literally reading this and screaming at my computer screen, "He is trust-worthy, He loves you!!" every single time she starts to mistrust him again. I usually go for the straight romance fics, and this is my first angsty fic, but I love it!!!.. Hurry with the next chapter. I will try to review every chapter now that I am up to speed.
Author's Response: Oooooh thank you! I love new, detailled reviews from people who have read my story straight through. It gives me a warm tingling feeling inside, like I've done something worthwhile for a change! I am glad you're connecting with it.. there is a lot of angst and if you can tolerate that then you can enjoy the story. I've tried to quieten it down a little in recent chapters, but soon the heat will be turned up!
You think he loves her, do you? Well, I love him dearly. But, I love his evil side as much as his slightly-better side. His true loyalties come out in something like the last chapter.... and you'll never work it out. I know you won't. Because I am going to be more evil than blumin' Voldemort when it comes to twists and turns.
*Realises she's slightly hyper* Next chap is in queue. Hopefully coming your way soon.
I am loving the story. I like the way that you are able to keep Snape from becoming lovey dovey mushy over Hermione. In my mind that just wouldn't happen. I also like the way the story is not dependant on Snape and Hermione's love affair. I like the love affair, don't get me wrong. But moreover, I like the story having a life of it's own. My favorite part so far, out of the whole story, is Snape under the Veritiserum in his home laboratory.
Keep up the good work. I know that you just released Chap 30 today, but I am already on pins and needles waiting for Chapter 31.
Author's Response: Oh wow! I can't believe it... I put the chap in queue one minute, Pat mods it the next, and I get a lovely review to top it off! It's ten thirty at night and I'm hyper because I feel like Lacrima loves me!
You're reviews are lovely, and I'm glad your anticpating chapter 31 because at the moment it is 0 words... and I need something to push me along to writing it.
Snape under Veritiserum was fun to write. At first I thought... no Laura... it's OOC. But then I was like "He took the Unbreakable vow because he had to 'prove' his loyalties." Snape is an artful dodger though.
Mushy Snape? Christ no - Jan or Neta would kill me! Actually, I tell a lie, he does act a little mushy at times. But both me and Hermione prefer him as an arrogant arse.
Wow! Amazing chapter. I like the way you have pictured Malfoy coming up to her in the hotel knowing that he has the upper hand. “There is a score to be settled between him and me, one that he is eager to pursue. There is confidence in his stride, and rightfully so, considering that he has gained victory in the battle.” This is his moment to play cat to her mouse, batting her around before eating her. (so to speak )
Knowing that he wants nothing more than to see her in agony over her past actions against him, it is so anti-climactic for him.
“Funnily enough, they are still clean, not sullied by any mud or blood from the battlefield.” Lucius showing up with no mud or blood on his robes makes me think that he hasn't been to battle. Possibly, that it hasn't happened yet, maybe there is more we don’t know in this little sentence. A giveaway perhaps?
“I could be sat here now, sobbing my heart out, believing that he died loving me. But I know that he didn’t. Does that make it easier?” How very sad, to be told the truth and then be faced with death. I can easily see how this would take the fight out of her. She knows now that not only does/did Snape not care for her, but also believes the baby to be a mistake. The letter was very eloquent in it’s denial of her and the child while still explaining and making you want to understand why he is the way he is. However, that doesn’t make this confrontation with Malfoy any less painful.
“With a huge sigh, I fall back on the bed and cover myself with the large duvet, burying my face into the pillow.” I completely love this line. Because the imagery that it suggests is so very clear. She is neither goading him nor denying what is about to happen, she is merely accepting. She is doing what any other girl would want to do in her position and that is to hide under the covers until it was over. I am amazed at Lucius’ reaction to this. It is almost caring, in a way. “He sits down beside me, shifting the weight of the bed so that I am sloping slightly towards him. He does not touch me; although I cannot see him, I feel him watching me.” I never once thought “sexual assault” in this, it was almost as if he was incredulous as to her actions, how could she just give in to fate. At least fate the way he saw it, and again he was almost caring in his response to her, but, not so in a loving way.
“Finally, she retaliates. I knew that you would eventually,” he mocks. I like that you didn’t have him incapacitated by the kick. Usually a story will indicate an action like this and then have him rolling on the floor in pain, when in actuality it may or may not. He sees this as her finally reacting to him, not as her gut instinct in protecting her child.
“The glass shatters, creating millions of white, crystal fragments. They fly out at me, hitting my face and cutting my skin so that I have to shield my eyes.” He can’t control his anger while being ignored, which is true Lucius style. I was waiting for something like this to happen. But I was under the same misconception that Hermione was, that the magical barriers were now dropped.
“Severus told me where to find you. He told me how to disable the charm,” he says with great amusement in his voice. He has enjoys providing me with that answer. Now I am confused as to why he would tell Lucius how to get into the hotel room as well as about her being in love with him but him not with her. My gut says the Dark Lord may have taken this information from him, possibly, before they killed Snape, if he is indeed dead at this point. Hermione’s internal struggle is so very true to life. Having just read the letter and knowing now that the father of her child not only doesn't love her, but also holds no affection for the child within her must be terribly deflating (for lack of a better word). Either anger is going to flow or defeat, defeat is so much easier when you are tired and emotionally rung out.
“He’s dead now, isn’t he?” I ask, almost hoping that he is. Malfoy remains silent. “Please, tell me he is dead.” It’s funny how she doesn’t really seem to believe it until Lucius tells her aloud. Then, she truly knows the sadness of her situation.
I love the battle between them at the end, as well as the outcome. It was something that needed to happen and now the other questions can be asked. Has the final battle actually been fought? Is Snape really dead? How did Lucius come upon the information of Hermione’s whereabouts and how to get past the charms?
It’s actually quite sad to think that Snape doesn’t care for her. I want him to love her and the child. But not everything has a happy ending.
Now for the nitpicks.
“I shudder as he reminds me of the growing foetus in my womb”
Foetus - is that like a combination of Foe and Fetus. It is Snape's child, after all.
He has enjoys providing me with that answer.
enjoyed??? Or remove the - has
“I watch as the water races down to the plughole and them churns around and becomes sucked down into the drains.”
them???
“I have come too far for their not to be a”
there
Overall, another fabulous chapter, in a magnificent story, keep up the good work, I want to see those questions answered and Snape to really be in love with her but merely trying to protect her. *giggles*
Oh my goodness, Laura. I can't even begin to tell you how touching this final chapter was. I started reading it at work and had to stop to go home. I marked my place as where Remus is in the hospital room with Severus, and reached for a tissue to dry my tear streaked face. When I got home, I had forgotten that I had shut my computer down and would have to wait for it to boot up. Making myself busy, still it never seemed take so long. Now here I sit having finished a magnificent story (because the term "fic" just doesn't do it justice) and I am once again looking for a tissue to dry my extremely wet face. To be constructive and let you know how I felt about the story as a whole is very difficult. My emotions are in upheaval. I feel real sympathy for the fictional character of Severus, having to start his "new" life with his daughter, but without Hermione. Your words, so eloquent and descriptive, have pulled the emotions from me and given them life to feel the same pain that your characters feel. It is as if my own close friend has died, after lingering in a coma for six months, and never truly meeting her own daugther. I cried hoping that somehow things would be different and Hermione would be saved, but knowing that her soul was probably already too damaged to stay any longer. I don't even know if what I am writing is making sense anymore, I hope that it is. Someday, I hope to be recieving an autographed copy of your original works, because you truly have a gift. Thank you for sharing your talent.
I am really enjoying this story. No time for anything in depth right now, but please update soon!!!!
Wow! Powerful! Thought provoking! A fresh perspective on the end. It makes you wonder why couldn't it end like that? I am thrilled at the imagery that you evoke in this short story. Nothing is missing. Well done!
Author's Response: Wow, what a compliment! That\'s pretty much everything I was aiming for. I\'m flattered. Thanks so much for your awesome review :D
It's killing me to admit to reading anything other than strict SS/HG, however, I am enjoying this story immensely.
Your Hermione is very IC. She is a thinker and you use that to your storytelling advantage by writing her thoughts out.
Ok here is the nitpicky:
The dream sequence is very well written, but very long. My average brain started to lose focus after [i]"This new being inside her head now had dominance over her, somehow."[/i] This could, of course, just be the product of my less than stellar attention span.
[i]"The cold water spurted out, hitting her on the face and making her cringe"[/i]
*giggles* I love to see the characters doing average things, it makes them much more alive. I have done this myself on occasion, she didn't jump nearly as much as I did.
[i]"It was one of the brothers, but she was unsure which one."[/i]
I understand the use of "the brothers" here as she didn't know which was knocking on her door. But further on you use [i]"the brothers"[/i] or [i]"the two twins"[/i] in a way that makes it sound like she has never seen them before, or doesn't know them. They are close, she is living in their home, she was their youngest brothers girlfriend. It just seems to me that it would make more sense to call them "Fred and George".
Why can the magical community re-grow bones but not legs? I guess if they could Moody wouldn't be hobbling around with his metallic leg and whizzing eyeball.
For my own observations, based solely on my opinions of the characters, I think that Hermione is involved in a bit of overkill over the depression and guilt for her one night stand. Granted she just slept with the #2 baddie (you know I can't consider Snape to be a baddie.) and one of Harry's worst enemies, but still, she enjoyed herself at some point. She wasn't put under the imperious or forced in any way, she has to see some good in it.
I also find any tenderness in Malfoy to be bordering on absurd. He obviously is a "ladies man" and knows how to romance. But Hermione is #1 a Mudblood, and as such inferior in the extreme. #2 The same age as his son. Don't get me wrong it's not the age that bothers me, it's the idea that he has a son the same age, wouldn't that bother him? #3 She is the enemy. Attacked, debased, even raped, but made love to by the #2 Death Eater whose own thoughts betray his true intentions?
Ok. After all my nit-picking I still love the story and I am anxiously waiting to see what Snape will do. He is so deliciously devious in this story.
ywiygi,
woomama
Author's Response: TINA! Yay! *pounces* I love this review! Even the nitpicks (which weren\'t as nitpicky as my nitpicks, you need to learn the art of nitpicking, girl. It takes work. These nitpicks are closer to proper constructive criticism.) And you have such a talent for making me laugh.
1) The dream sequence does drone on a bit... I discused cutting it down with Karin, and broke it up a bit, but became too blumin\' sentimental about it to cut it down. 2) The reference to brothers/twins/Fred and George is my way of variating things. I should really stop doing it. I tell off other people for not being consistant, so I should be myself. 3) Gah! I overdid the guilt, didn\'t I? I will tell you why I did it on MSN - but it has absolutely nothing to do with this fic and everything to do with Lacrima.
On a more serious note... I agree with you on some factors that pose problems with the romance. Such as the Draco being the same age... it is a factor, yes. I am keeping Draco out of the fic for that very reason. However... for the mudblood thing... Hermione isn\'t just a mudblood - she\'s Harry\'s closest, most trusted friend (I killed Ron, don\'t forget) and you need to remember that he is using her in this fic. If he had raped her, he wouldn\'t have gained anything beyond physical pleasure from it. Whilst Lucius may enjoy the sex... that isn\'t the reason he did it!
*Realises she\'s ranted* Eeeek. Anyway... I am ever so glad you enjoyed this fic.
You need to widen your spectrum of fanfic otherwise HG/SS will soon become dull.
jiacbasimj
Lore!
Whoops. Wrong brackets for italics. Dang if I could edit a review I would. It won't even let me delete it. Double Dang!
Author's Response: HAHAHAHAHHA. Don\'t worry. I\'ve seen worse html mess ups.
Very nice chapter. I have been waiting to read my only non HG/SS fic so far. I still think that something in the shop should have been knocked over, but I will live. I really liked the interaction between Hermione and Aurelia. The latter reminded me of a female version of Snape, almost. I am intrigued to find out what it is about her mother's death that has made her so bitter and angry.
The only correction that I could find was this "He’d assured her that he could", shouldn't that be "He'd assured her that 'she' could" Must be an oversight.
I also have to say that I have noticed that you have taken a liking to the word "whilst," I am now trying to find places that I can use it. hehee.
Overall, nicely done. I love your writing, and this story is very dark and angsty which is a new avenue for me. Keep up the good work.
I really enjoyed this story. I love reading back stories on Snape and seeing everyone's opinion on what makes him the way he is. I think he felt let down by Lily, when she chose James. But then I can see her side of it too. You are an excellent writer. Your stories are engaging and pull the audience in so that they fell a part of the story. I am putting you on my Fav Authors List.
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! And for the nice comments! I\'m still figuring out some things about him at odd moments (there\'s not much else to do while driving, and I do too much of that) so expect more one-shots and stories as time passes.
Wow. Powerful. I loved this. I read it while at work and litterally cried out "Nooo!!!!" at the last paragraph.
Author's Response: I managed to make myself cry writing this, which is really pathetic, isn't it? Hope you'll like the rest of it!
Throughout this chapter, everytime one of the ladies drank somthing I wondered if she was the one. When Stormy became so tired, the mom in me said "yep, that's about right. When you are ready to go they are too tired to walk." but something still tickled my senses and said the baby is going to get it. I think that is because I tend to think most Death Eaters not too bright and who would be easier to fool than a child. But then I could be completely wrong about everything. I am thrilled to hear that Severus will be returning for the rest of the story. These last few chapters without his lovely presence have been difficult, although brilliantly written and obviously necessary to further the story. sidenote: my middle name is Lynn too.
Author's Response: I think you\'re completely right about the Death Eater\'s not being the sharpest tools in the shed; it would be easier to pick Stormy out because she\'s the only \"midget.\" I have missed Severus too, and am revelling in immersing myself in him as I write Chapter 20. Hugs to you, \"Woomama Lynn\"!!!
I have to say.. you have once again hooked me into your imagination Subversa. Master of Enchantment was the 1st story I read and I haven't been able to get off the SS/HG bandwagon since. I love the tone of this story, and how proper it is. I am having a little trouble getting used to Snape having family. For some reason in my head he is always alone. But I am still on pins and needles waiting for your 4th chapter.
As for the test. I am not really sure what to make of this...it says...that I am...like...VOLDEMORT!!!!
Author's Response: Wow, MOE was your first fan-fiction? How awesome is that? I am not really a big proponent of original characters, but keep in mind that this story is based upon another one, and for that reason, Severus needed sisters. Don't despair; the world *needs* its Voldemorts!
I feel that my praise is starting to sound monotonous. I love your story. Although I did feel the abscense of the alluring professor and managed to carry on, I will be thrilled when he is back. I am excited by the change of heart that Severus is having at marrying that shrew, Fleur. I hope that she is not poisoned, but instead tricked into being found with Percy or Lucius. In fact I think she would be the perfect "booby prize" for Malfoy when he finally realizes that he will not be marrying Sophronia. I absolutely adored your reference to Alan playing Antony in the play. It took me a bit to figure it out, but when I read your A/N at the end it dawned on me. I am also so very sorry to hear about your dear Slytherins medical issues. I wish you all the best and will keep you both in my prayers. I am sure that God, being all-knowing, will understand exactly who I mean when I mention "Subversa's dear Slytherin" to Him. Writing is a powerfully soothing stress reliever. At least it is for me. I will look forward to more chapters soon.
Author's Response: Woomama, your praise will never sound monotonous. I\'ll be happy when he\'s back, too; Snape is the honey that lures this little bee, I promise you. You know, I too have imagined Fleur with Lucius. Aren\'t we wicked? You cracked me UP with your wondering if God will know who \"Subversa\'s Dear Slytherin\" is. Thank you so much for supporting this story so faithfully, my dear.
Fear not! Your imagery was brilliant and quite effective in my mind. The battle was obviously well thought out. You have a magnificient assistant in your Slytherin. Although you have conscientiously explained all possible questions that could arise, I never found myself asking them while reading the story. I appreciated your covering them, once I had read them, but those things did not in any way detract from the general story-telling. This has been one of my all time favorite stories. Even thought I only started reading it originally because of me deep devotion for MoE. You have definately proven that it is wise to read a favorite authors other works.
Ok, working backwards here. Keladry's Note: PERFECT! I was LMAO after reading that. Subversa, your write, as usual, is amazing. I love the way this story is going. I know we are coming close to the end now and I wanted you to know that I wasn't very interested in this story at the beginning. But then I read a bit more and was totally hooked. This is one of my all time favorites now. You astound me every chapter. xoxoxoxoxo ~woomama
Fabulous! Spectacular! Amazing!
Another wonderful chapter! This story just gets better and better. I love the position that you have manuevered Severus and Hermione into. Severus finally relizing the woman he wants is not the one he is set to marry. Let the games begin. I think he was just confirming in his own mind, while sitting in the kitchen debating philosophy with her, who the better companion for him really is.
I am also enthralled with the by-play you have going with the other couples. Draco and Luna are really starting to appeal to me. My only difficulty is that Luna just doesn't seem "bizarre" enough. The whole Harry/Sky/Ginny triangle is going to have to come to a close as Harry and Ginny realize their true feelings for each other. Hermione's machinations to get Remus and Tonks together is just plain devious, but I can't imagine anyone else for Tonks than Remus.
I have to say I feel so dwarfed by your expertise with words. I find your ability to carry on the story without losing momentum with so many different plot-lines just awe-inspiring.
Please accept my most sincere applause.
*standing up clapping*
Author's Response: Hi, woomama! Thank you for the enthusiastic comments! It is always an enormous compliment for another writer to compliment one\'s writing style. I appreciate it more than you know.
Outstanding! Another wonderful chapter Subversa. I have to agree with the other reviewers that you have the characters of Snape and Hermione down perectly how most of us picture them. I have always thought of Hermione has being more mature and fearless. I would never want to see her meek or simpering. I have not read the book that you are "loosely" basing this story on, but I am enthralled with your potterverse vision of it. Keep up the wonderful work!
Author's Response: I think that, after surviving the war, Hermione would pretty much be done with meekness and simpering. Thank you for the note, woomama!