04/20/06
~LucillaJoanna (LJ)aka lucilla_pauie (here) aka Dayang Lucilla (dramione.org/ff.net) is busy-busy with original fiction. But every now and then she gets a fit of fan fiction, like allergy. A beloved allergy.
I'm a Filipina, living in the Philippines, spending my waking hours reading and writing. I have high hopes, like most everyone, but for now, I relish writing and being read here.
The stories you'll find here are a mad medley. I love the HP-universe in its entirety, and so write vastly within this vast world of people and eras. However, I don't stray far from romance-- you know, pairings and life lemons. I love those quotes that more often than not end up hackneyed in email/SMS forwards. If I don't quote them directly, they inspire the pieces you'll see here.
Pairings:
I don't think there's one I can't or won't write (except slash, younger generation/older generation, OC's). I was hooked into fan fiction for these snippets of sweets we don't get to read from the HP books. Even though I write horror in RL, I'm a very girly girl, the kind that squeals while reading the Twilight series even for the nth time. Incidentally, unless they're Joyce Carol Oates or Neil Gaiman or maybe William Faulkner come back to life, I scoff at those who scoff at Twilight (friendly&fond scoffing, now. ^_^ Everyone's entitled to their own tastes and opinions, aye?). Back to topic, it's a disappointment to shippers to favorite me because I write Dramione this week, and then write a Ron/Hermione the next. Hee.
Asked what my OTP is, I'll say it's Ron/Hermione, but that's only because I love Hermione and I'm loyal to what JKR decided. But I think I don't have an OTP. I ride, I ship, I bike and even cook them all. I have Haxime and Frangelina. I also have a list of the pairings I have yet to try, but I'm too immersed in three WIP's, both here and in RL.
General Fics:
If not in the Romance subcats, my stories go here. They're all dear to me. They're mostly Challenge entries, so they were written with motives. ^_^ Five are Post-DH yarns, and two of these (Little Things; A Shower of Stardust) concentrate on the white noise after the War.
Great Lady of Magic was originally five chapters, but due to the Challenge deadline, became a one-shot instead. The cramming and compression seemed to have worked nonetheless; it's my first First Place since I started joining the Challenges in New Year 2007!
The Prince's Unshared Tale: Uncut is my little peace offering to Snape, whom I have slandered until July 22, 2007. Still, you have to admit he's been very stubborn and stupid.
The Art of Weaselling: I enjoyed this one so much. I liked Neville's grandma's inveigling tactics and Great Uncle Algie's slyness. What is One Picture Worth? is my stab at a historical. Loved the research and the flowery, courtly English I had to use, though I tried not to make it a la Shakespeare too much.
Bonds of Magic has been solicited into someone's blog during the DH fever. It still comes up when I google my real name. I'm embarassed, LOL. It was too fluffy compared to the book. Phew.
Alternate Universe:
Dark/Angst, I won't; Humor, I can't. I think Ron's Best Friend can be classified as the latter, but to be safe from sneers, I just put it into Ron/Hermione. AU is the only other cat I have here. How to Hold Sway is very much at the top of my favorites and I'm thinking of expanding on some questions it triggered from readers. I originally posted it under Dramione after the Challenge finished, but shippers complained. Hehe.
At the Forums:
This will be the "Beta Forums" you see on the Nav Bar to the side. I haunt General Fan Fiction Discussion, Madam Pomfrey's Character Clinic, The Reference Desk, The Beta Guild, and of course, SPEW (the Society for the Promotion of Proper Evaluation for Writers by Readers). I'm a very loyal Hufflepuff, redundancy intended. I'm not active in the common room (because if I join the games, I'll be addicted!), but I do my small part.
Real Life:
I've had my first book, so to speak (hehe), in December 2007, when my story was included in the third annual run of the anthology, Philippine Speculative Fiction. That's the name for the genre of fantasy/horror/scifi and the cracks in between. My story's title is Hamog (dew).
I also write book reviews, handling Classics, Contemporary Classics and the Trivia and Quiz sections of READ magazine. I've also landed the On Reading two-page spread and the Seasonal Review (with my pic!). I nearly choked on my chicken burger when I was first included in the masthead.
In December 2005, which is not too long ago, and which is why I'm rather lazy, I won First Place in a nationwide essay contest regarding teen pregnancy (sponsored by The Advocates for Youth Philippines Foundation, Pringles and UNFPA). I never used the theme park tickets, I still have the box of feminine wash sachets and karaoke bar gift certificates, and the first things I bought with the money were books: The Count of Monte Cristo; On Writing; Stardust; The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe; By The River Piedra, I Sat Down and Wept; The Alchemist; Flipped; The Phantom of the Opera; Wuthering Heights...
I dream about shopping for this many books in one go again. I earn bookstore GC's now, but I only get five books at most. *sigh*
I have been deaf since I was thirteen due to meningitis. My mania for books, fan fiction, and scripts is understandable, no? I'm so glad I'm not blind. Meningitis can be that cruel.
It has been kind to me, however. I'm happy. Sometimes people don't take me seriously because I'm too bubbly. So here I did try to be sober. Hemhem.
I have two brothers and one sister. Onchie is a Mining Engineering junior, Josh is in seventh grade and Jouie is in third grade.
I have a mongrel, Jego.
I love egg yolks.
I moderate a local Harry Potter club, MaCofWiz, in which I'm in Ravenclaw, and in which I'm the one who almost always plans and plots the outings.
I was born under Libra, Tiger and the hazelnut tree. ^_^
>>misc. The Weasley War
The Names of the Weasley Grandkids. (I went completely insane and had them all breeding like rabbits. Pun intended again.)
Harry and Ginny~
Sirius James -- 16 (June 21)
Gideon Arthur-- 13 (February 28)
Maynard Harry-- 11 (August 30)
Miguel Ronald-- 11 (August 30)
Stephen Joel-- 8 (September 4)
Gabriel Xavier-- 5 (July 8)
Ron and Hermione~
Juliet Nathalie Clarisse-- 15 (December 25)
Fabiana Claudine-- 5 (December 18)
Robin Cecille-- 4 (December 20)
Ronaldine Cora-- 3 (March 1)
Joshua Laurent-- 2 (April 21)
Sylvia Candace-- 0 (November 1)
Fred and Verity~
Cleopatra-- 14 (March 8)
Mark Antony-- 14 (March 8)
Queen Elizabeth-- 11 (March 8)
William Conqueror-- 11 (March 8)
George and Athena--
Janus Arthur -- 15 (June 28)
Venus Molly -- 14 (July 20)
Charlie and Annika--
Arthur Ivan -- 17 (January 16)
Olga Cristina -- 15 (November 25)
Andrey Sasha -- 12 (September 8)
Eleanore Anya-- 11 (November 8)
Almira Dinah-- 4 (May 7)
Bill and Fleur~
Agatha Victoria Gertrude -- 21 (April 8)
Camilo Arthur -- 17 (May 18)
Xenita Sharon -- 16 (August 4)
Joanna Pierra -- 12 (September 27)
Jonathan Pierre -- 12 (September 27)
[Report This]
Where Lilies Grow by Pondering
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: After her sister Petunia goes to Hogwarts, Lily waits for her own letter, a letter that never comes.
By Pondering of Ravenclaw.
Date: 03/11/08 Title: Chapter 1: Where Lilies Grow
Hi Tash,
I found your story in the Cat Patrol at SPEW. So I was led directly to the text, no summary to hint at what I would find. The voice you've given your narrator is quaintly smart. I thought Hermione or Lily or Dumbledore. The title should have clued me in, but only when you mentioned Petunia did I know it's Lily. What a Lily.
Your first line is a little misleading. It implies that now the narrator no longer believes in magic. Perhaps you can tweak that a little, to match the overall sentiment of the story. Since I was a very young child, I've already believed in magic. Who doesn't at that age? Aside from this, the opening paragraph is nostalgic, at once philosophical and wistful. I liked it a lot.It's rare for me to invest time in expository fics. I prefer dialogue-wheels. But I'm discovering quite a number of gems written in this reflective style. Where Lilies Grow is one of them.
This line, especially, is very lyrical: She sent me a letter that night, telling me that school was simply grand. I threw the letter out the window, watched it flutter, watched it land.Although your narrative doesn't leave much else to be desired, I'm conflicted whether to praise your story or not. I'm torn. Much the same way your Lily here feels. Torn between two worlds. One in which she belongs, and the other in which she wishes she belongs together with her sister.
What pulls me back from all out commendation is my discomfort with the way Petunia and Lily switched witch-skins. While the voice you used is very Lily, her bitterness and spitefulness, though small and less vindictive, is too Petunia.I'm not even a Lily-connoisseur, but I've always had the impression that she's a favorite because of her happy disposition. You demonstrated this well, with Lily clinging to faith right up to September 1st, but later, her locking herself up in her room and not talking to Petunia don't click as Lily-ish.
Change names and make some of the reflections pettier and angstier and this can be moved away from AU. Oh, right, it's AU. My thumb is up, then. Way up. ^_^
~Joanna
Never Let Me Go by Hanabi
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: Arms full of basilisk fangs, Hermione realizes what her life is truly missing--in the heat of battle.
Date: 11/09/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
It was almost as if we had come to a silent understanding. I loved him more than life itself, and I knew he felt…something for me, though I wasn’t sure of the depth of his feelings.
Really now? Wouldn't this be too... thick of Hermione? After how Ron acted during the incident in Malfoy Manor?
In that moment, all my inhibitions fell away like the basilisk fangs I had been holding...Nice analogy.
I don't read much Dark/Angst, hon, but this was lovely. You gave us a new perspective to those frantic scenes back at Hogwarts.Hermione's reflections on how Harry's image shifted in her mind was eloquent. You made her more real. Hermione almost always comes across as a protective mother hen-like creature. Here, the spotlight is as much on herself as Harry. She can't be that selfless, right? You only neglected to make her recall the Malfoy Manor horror. I think the memory of being tortured would have been a nice addition here.
I should take note to read more Dark/Angst. At least yours anyway. A character's fears somehow double and add to their glint.I wrote a fic in a similar setting, leading to the kiss. I'm incapable of D/A, though, hehe.PS: I agree with Ford. Tweak the formatting a bit. For perfection.
Author's Response: Thanks for the long review! It\'s always nice when reviewers go into more depth. I just wanted to stick in my view of the Malfoy Manor. I must have read dozens of fan fictions in which Hermione is holding on to Ron\'s voice as she\'s being tortured. That obviously proves he cares about her a great deal--much more than just a friend--but she still doesn\'t know quite how much. That was my thought of it anyway. :)
A Forgotten Name by Black_Dust
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary:
Syria Malfoy lives a completely normal life- until the day of her 15th birthday when a beautiful locket is given to her by her father. Now, she's witnessing memories that aren't her own. Who do these memories belong to and why is she able to view them? Why isn't she completely happy with her next to perfect life? And why does being a teenager have to be so hard?
Date: 01/04/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter One- A Mysterious Birthday
Exactly what a mystery's first chapter should be. Very intriguing and promising. You have me hooked.
Before more praise, the typos first, hehe. Don't mind me, hon. But good reviews in the world of fanfiction, where we are still approaching being professionals, are not only filled with praise and criticism, but also typo notices. ^_^
Capitalise addresses: Number Twelve Grimmauld Place...a little heaVIer...
... wild pink NarGLES?Comma use:
...it's beautiful, Dad!...kitchen to the door, Syria overheard...
"Goodnight, Dad."And always before the word, 'too', and also after it, if there is a following clause.
WeasLEYS' Wizard Wheezes
... AN enchanted necklace...
...nothing." Her father smiled slightly. "Nothing's too good for a Malfoy, now, IS THERE?...Not TO mention ONE SET OF HER grandparents were Muggles...
...had finally reachED the topmost...There. My beta-sensibilities are now at ease. *grins* Now then, to the story itself. I take it Syria is seeing the memories in an objective though omniscient point of view? Because of the green eyes description. If so, it piques that she doesn't recognise the man at all. She hasn't ever seen him? Not even in pictures in books and newspapers? If integral to the plot, don't answer this question. I felt like pointing it out to you, that's all.
That done, let me get to the praise again. Your first sentences blew me away. They pulsed with vividness and intensity, that 'memory'. Anyone would have been dazed after seeing and feeling that. You also introduced your characters and their affiliations without turning to exposition, which is a form of narration we all don't relish. And here: “Now you'd better get to bed before mum finds you still up and has a mooncalf or something." Loved this 'Potterization' of an old idiom.So, Kasey, I'm looking forward to your next chapter. You have a Galleon of a story here!
~JoannaDate: 01/04/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter One- A Mysterious Birthday
Exactly what a mystery's first chapter should be. Very intriguing and promising. You have me hooked.
Before more praise, the typos first, hehe. Don't mind me, hon. But good reviews in the world of fanfiction, where we are still approaching being professionals, are not only filled with praise and criticism, but also typo notices. ^_^
Capitalise addresses: Number Twelve Grimmauld Place...a little heaVIer...
... wild pink NarGLES?Comma use:
...it's beautiful, Dad!...kitchen to the door, Syria overheard...
"Goodnight, Dad."And always before the word, 'too', and also after it, if there is a following clause.
WeasLEYS' Wizard Wheezes
... AN enchanted necklace...
...nothing." Her father smiled slightly. "Nothing's too good for a Malfoy, now, IS THERE?...Not TO mention ONE SET OF HER grandparents were Muggles...
...had finally reachED the topmost...There. My beta-sensibilities are now at ease. *grins* Now then, to the story itself. I take it Syria is seeing the memories in an objective though omniscient point of view? Because of the green eyes description. If so, it piques that she doesn't recognise the man at all. She hasn't ever seen him? Not even in pictures in books and newspapers? If integral to the plot, don't answer this question. I felt like pointing it out to you, that's all.
That done, let me get to the praise again. Your first sentences blew me away. They pulsed with vividness and intensity, that 'memory'. Anyone would have been dazed after seeing and feeling that. You also introduced your characters and their affiliations without turning to exposition, which is a form of narration we all don't relish. And here: “Now you'd better get to bed before mum finds you still up and has a mooncalf or something." Loved this 'Potterization' of an old idiom.So, Kasey, I'm looking forward to your next chapter. You have a Galleon of a story here!
~JoannaYet Each Man Kills The Thing He Loves by Sonorus
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: 1945, and Albus Dumbledore comes to Nurmengard.
Title and quotations taken from The Ballad of Reading Gaol by Oscar Wilde.
Date: 11/19/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Hey, Phil.
Quite a masterpiece you have here.
Nice build-up of suspense through imagery in the very beginning. Sucked me in to the story.
"Within the wall was a wide courtyard, an open flat space before one reached the doors of the tower itself. It was largely empty of buildings; there was the odd guard tower, a few tents, nothing more."
You might want to rewrite this passage. Always put the modifiers as close to what it modifies. Here, 'largely empty of buildings' clearly refers to the courtyard, not the tower. But the way the words are arranged right now, logic is questioned. ^_^Comma use. "At the entrance of Dumbledore, many looked up."
"...while all about, the emaciated prisoners waited..."“Welcome at last to my abode, Albus...” I thought you had intended this. We do know Gellert isn't British. But then you mention Gellert speaks perfect English. If so, he should say 'Welcome to...'
"I have made myself more than I ever was when you knew me.” While this is perfectly conceited of him, hehe, 'more' what?“But once they were, Albus, I know. They could be again. What do you say? Think, Albus. We were both born to be teachers, educators, ennoblers of the lesser men around us. Would you rather stay closeted in your little school, or will you take up the greater challenge that lies here?”
It's uncanny how they can talk, dark wizards, isn't it? Nice."Not until now did he realise what that fire truly was. He had been blinded by it, thinking that it spoke of enthusiasm, of ardour, of love. He had refused to see the darkness in the fire, the cruelty and violence within." Exactly how I've envisioned Albus's infatuation, too, Phil! We had fun over this in the Forums. Are you a member over there, by the way?
"The night sky exploded into light and colour above Nurmengard. The spells fired back and forth between the two combatants, erupting in flame as they met. This is worthy of being inserted somewhere in Deathly Hallows!Another preposition correction:...sent them hurling toward Dumbledore.
“I do still believe in love, Gellert, though it may surprise you to hear it. I have loved, and I have lost, and I have learned to love again. I have learned a great deal more about love than you, I suspect, *comma use* will ever know. I understand how dangerous it can be, how it can blind a man from the truth, twist him into something different. And now I understand the strength it can give and how hollow a man’s life is without it.......“No life is worthless, Gellert,” he stated calmly. “That is your greatest misunderstanding.”
Woow. My heart, be still. Lovely Albie language.And my Godric, what a wonderful, ironic end to Gellert's glory.
As for Albie's parting words, they're too precious to quote here and ruin for other readers. Three thumbs up, Phil. And a star, too!Author's Response: See above for my reply (and I think you missed an italics tag here, is that why it\'s posted twice?)
Date: 11/19/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Hey, Phil.
Quite a masterpiece you have here.
Nice build-up of suspense through imagery in the very beginning. Sucked me in to the story.
"Within the wall was a wide courtyard, an open flat space before one reached the doors of the tower itself. It was largely empty of buildings; there was the odd guard tower, a few tents, nothing more."
You might want to rewrite this passage. Always put the modifiers as close to what it modifies. Here, 'largely empty of buildings' clearly refers to the courtyard, not the tower. But the way the words are arranged right now, logic is questioned. ^_^Comma use. "At the entrance of Dumbledore, many looked up."
"...while all about, the emaciated prisoners waited..."“Welcome at last to my abode, Albus...” I thought you had intended this. We do know Gellert isn't British. But then you mention Gellert speaks perfect English. If so, he should say 'Welcome to...'
"I have made myself more than I ever was when you knew me.” While this is perfectly conceited of him, hehe, 'more' what?“But once they were, Albus, I know. They could be again. What do you say? Think, Albus. We were both born to be teachers, educators, ennoblers of the lesser men around us. Would you rather stay closeted in your little school, or will you take up the greater challenge that lies here?”
It's uncanny how they can talk, dark wizards, isn't it? Nice."Not until now did he realise what that fire truly was. He had been blinded by it, thinking that it spoke of enthusiasm, of ardour, of love. He had refused to see the darkness in the fire, the cruelty and violence within." Exactly how I've envisioned Albus's infatuation, too, Phil! We had fun over this in the Forums. Are you a member over there, by the way?
"The night sky exploded into light and colour above Nurmengard. The spells fired back and forth between the two combatants, erupting in flame as they met. This is worthy of being inserted somewhere in Deathly Hallows!Another preposition correction:...sent them hurling toward Dumbledore.
“I do still believe in love, Gellert, though it may surprise you to hear it. I have loved, and I have lost, and I have learned to love again. I have learned a great deal more about love than you, I suspect, *comma use* will ever know. I understand how dangerous it can be, how it can blind a man from the truth, twist him into something different. And now I understand the strength it can give and how hollow a man’s life is without it.......“No life is worthless, Gellert,” he stated calmly. “That is your greatest misunderstanding.”
Woow. My heart, be still. Lovely Albie language.And my Godric, what a wonderful, ironic end to Gellert's glory.
As for Albie's parting words, they're too precious to quote here and ruin for other readers. Three thumbs up, Phil. And a star, too!Author's Response:
Thanks for your extensive and helpful review. I\'m glad you liked my little tale so much. In answer to your points, I am aware of my punctuation difficulties. The day I work out how to use a comma correctly I think I will truly be a proper writer (and there may be a brief snow flurry in Hades). Thanks for the other grammar suggestions.
\"I have made myself more than I ever was when you knew me.” I think I was going for \'more\' purely in the sense of \'greater\', rather than trying to be specific. I was trying to have Gellert evoke a rather mystic sense of grandeur, though it does come across as a bit vague.
“But once they were, Albus, I know. They could be again. What do you say? Think, Albus. We were both born to be teachers, educators, ennoblers of the lesser men around us. Would you rather stay closeted in your little school, or will you take up the greater challenge that lies here?” I\'m afraid you\'ll have to blame Saruman for that one. This fic did end up rather influenced by the \'Voice of Saruman\' chapter in LOTR, though that wasn\'t originally my intention. This is quite close to how he speaks.
I am a member of the forums, yes, but only for about a week! (I\'m a Ravenclaw) I\'m still finding my way around.
The ending was of course the first thing I planned, and highly influenced by that last verse of the poem, since it applies to both Albus and Gellert in turn (one loved too little, one too long), and both survive. I\'d been looking for a way to write this scene for a while and when I stumbled on \"The Ballad of Reading Gaol\" it was perfect.
Do You See What I See? by Colores
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: It's Christmas Eve and Severus Snape wants to make the perfect present. Will he work up the courage?
I am Colores of Hufflepuff House and this is my submission for the November one-shot challenge.
Date: 11/25/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
“ 'Sev - Sev! I can’t believe I found you!' ” "...Beneath this, in green ink, Lily had written her name, with a little heart next to it."
These lines tell more about their characters, don't they? Despite the fact that Severus seemed to have been watching Lily, Lily found him, he only refused to stay with her goodness, stupid man. *rants* Anyway, Ishka, this is what I have withheld to tell you, these subtle details that rang out to highlight Lily. That little heart in her childish signature, and the candycane--all sweet and pure.
And of course, see, I'm sure wewillmissyou isn't the last one who will remark on your last line! Beta job well done because author job is well done. *wink*
I Tied my Heart to the Tail of a Kite by Gin_Drinka
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: She wanted to go somewhere new; he gave her a world. She wanted someone who would understand; he was her best friend. She wanted to lift her feet off the ground, if only for a while...
He gave her wings. And with them he gave her his heart.
Always...
Date: 11/29/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
You made wonderful metaphors in this piece, immediately luring me in to read more.
He wondered many times where that kite was. He wondered if she still had it. Did she keep it in her attic? Had she let him throw it away? Did she give it to her son? Of the many kisses she had given people along her life, could she remember that one?
It is so touching, Mia!
I thought Lily is rather a little too brazen here, too, but it also fits that after being reassured, she loses her fears, and before Sev appeared, she already was forthright about her magic anyway. Sev, meanwhile, is a little too timid here for my tastes, or maybe it's the besotted-ness kicking in... You also managed to capture the difference between their families in their dialogue.Lovely. Shall I wish you luck with the prompt? I don't think you need it!
~JoannaAuthor's Response: Thanks Joanna! I love metaphors, so I\'m glad I\'m at least decent at that. You know what, I think that Sev was a bit too timid too...Well, I worried that maybe he was. But Lily, even if she wasn\'t so fiery in the little we have heard of her in the books, I think she could have truly been that way. NOthing indicates the contrary. I\'m really glad you liked this. ANd thanks for reviewing. Good luck to you too, although I aslo doubt that you\'d need luck. ;)
Angst & Adoration by Moira Whipstaff
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: This story takes place about midway through "The Half-Blood Prince" and details some squabbles (and fluff :D) between Ron and Hermione. The rating is just to be safe. :)
Date: 12/04/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Hi Kaitlin,
Adorable one-shot you have here, not fluffy at all, just pure fun!
Your dialogue is crisp and droll. “Look, Hermione,” he said, feeling slightly annoyed, “is there something the matter or have I just got a giant bogey hanging out my nose that you’re afraid to tell me about?”Hermione’s mouth hinted at the start of a smile, but quickly changed to concern.
“Harry,” she began, looking him straight in the eyes, almost pleadingly. “Are you…? I mean, you … Harry, you are being careful, aren’t you?”Harry blinked at her.
“Well, I just … you know it’s just that Ginny, of all people, knows —“Harry bumped his knee so hard underneath the table that his ink well nearly spilled.
“- how dangerous relying on a book can be,” she finished, clearly pretending not to have noticed this painful reflex.Goodness, I laughed aloud over this one. And your last lines are just as good, too. Very Trio-worthy.
Hmm, for nitpick, I guess I can point out that you should use a period before adding a sentence not related to the character's speech. As in this one:“She did a fairly good job of that when she wasn’t angry,” he chuckled.
Here, 'he chuckled' should be 'He chuckled' after a period in "...when she wasn't angry." Chuckling isn't speech, after all. It's a different verb altogether.But I hope you don't mind my one criticism, hon, I am tasked to be thorough, that's all. The trick is to gobble the praise and savor the nitpick. And see, I found only one. You did a wonderful job. Write more!
~JoannaAuthor's Response: Hey! :D No, I don\'t mind at all! Thank you so much - I appreciate your criticism! I won\'t get any better if I can\'t improve something, right? :)
Great Expectations by Cassandras Cross
Rated: 6th-7th Years •Summary: A weekend trip to the mysterious Rose Cottage leads to Ginny's second pregnancy and Hermione's first. The Potters and Weasleys take on “The Next Great Adventure” as they anticipate the births of Albus Potter and Rose Weasley.
Date: 02/02/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Wistful Looks
I should get out of the habit of reading author's bios before reviewing. It affects my reviews. I was about to praise you for your lovely prose, but then I saw that you're an editor. What else should I expect?
Just kidding, Cassandra. Thank you so much for being cool and joining us here in fanfiction regardless of age. What age, huh? There's no age in whimsy. And there's certainly no age in telling stories. Especially if you tell them good! Like you do!
I'm so glad I discovered this fic. I'll also read The Letter, and yay for me, I don't have to wait for any updates since it's finished.What I loved most here is the way you captured characterisation in dialogue, delivering a sharp and concise snapshot to us that makes us laugh hysterically, too.
The little blokes...And while I laughed, I also had those 'aww' moments, at Ginny and Harry's concern, at Ron's loyalty, at Hermione's ache to please Ron...It's all here, comedy, drama, fluff, life. I think you're everyone's favorite post-DH author right now. And if you'll look at your stats, you'll see me in the bandwagon.
I've never praised an author this much in so long. You deserve it.~Joanna
Author's Response: Wow! Everyone\'s favorite post-DH author? That\'s a lot of people, but hey, if you insist! Lol! Thank you so much. The \"little blokes\" comment was my favorite too, by the way. It\'s just so Ron. This is a mostly Harry/Ginny story, but there are quite a few Ron/Hermione moments throughout. I\'ve already written 12 chapters, so hopefully Mugglenet will get on the ball and start posting updates a lot sooner than they have been so you can read them. Thanks again. Your comments are so greatly appreciated.
Date: 02/02/08 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2: The Rose Line
It's hard to remain dignified with stories as good as this one so allow me one tiny *squeeee*
There, thank you.
First, ye gods, the Burns poem simply danced and lit up this chapter. Also, it's nice that you incorporated fact and legend. I don't know England's geography, but I'm always tickled when fact is blended with fiction. It's magic in itself, how reality can so easily be bent to fit in with our imaginations. Makes the story rich, too.Again, I love the way Hermione seemed to have bounced back and how! I love Hermione, almost all my stories are about Hermione, and I prefer her interpreted this way: lighthearted. But of course, I hope you can also show us her dedication to baby-making. LOL. The kind where she uses (or discards) charts, calendars, positions, that sort of thing? I'm sure she would have read up on the subject even though she and Ron haven't gone to a specialist yet.
Just a small nitpick, that. Otherwise, I'm all-praise again. Nice tie-in with the DH canon, too, regarding the Sinclairs.That was us. Just us. Remember 'us', Harry? Aww-and-squee worthy line. And don't get me started on Hermione calmly serenely stating she wanted to ravage Ron. And the men's bar talk gave me stitches. Especially the part where Harry was contemplating on Silencing Ron. Oh, yes, I love your characterisation of Ron, too. Our unwittingly funny, fiery Ron.
I smell roses...~Joanna
Author's Response: Ah, the roses!
Date: 02/02/08 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2: The Rose Line
It's hard to remain dignified with stories as good as this one so allow me one tiny *squeeee*
There, thank you.
First, ye gods, the Burns poem simply danced and lit up this chapter. Also, it's nice that you incorporated fact and legend. I don't know England's geography, but I'm always tickled when fact is blended with fiction. It's magic in itself, how reality can so easily be bent to fit in with our imaginations. Makes the story rich, too.Again, I love the way Hermione seemed to have bounced back and how! I love Hermione, almost all my stories are about Hermione, and I prefer her interpreted this way: lighthearted. But of course, I hope you can also show us her dedication to baby-making. LOL. The kind where she uses (or discards) charts, calendars, positions, that sort of thing? I'm sure she would have read up on the subject even though she and Ron haven't gone to a specialist yet.
Just a small nitpick, that. Otherwise, I'm all-praise again. Nice tie-in with the DH canon, too, regarding the Sinclairs.That was us. Just us. Remember 'us', Harry? Aww-and-squee worthy line. And don't get me started on Hermione calmly serenely stating she wanted to ravage Ron. And the men's bar talk gave me stitches. Especially the part where Harry was contemplating on Silencing Ron. Oh, yes, I love your characterisation of Ron, too. Our unwittingly funny, fiery Ron.
I smell roses...~Joanna
Author's Response: Squee-worthy, eh? Is that a word? Oh, well, it is now. I figure the atmosphere of the Rose Line must have influenced Ron quite a lot because otherwise I can\'t imagine circumstances in which he would have recited a love poem, but yes, it was pretty squee-worthy, wasn\'t it? I don\'t blame Hermione, quite frankly. Her response was perfectly approrpriate, if you ask me. The story starts off pretty light hearted, but it does get serious later on, though hopefully there\'s enough humor to get you through the rather angsty moments. And, as I say, it\'s primarily a Harry/Ginny story, so don\'t be surprised if Ron & Hermione play less of a role in future chapters. They\'ll still be there, though, even if it\'s only in a background role. Thanks for your comments. I\'m glad you\'re enjoying it. You might want to drop an email to the Mugglenet admins by the way, because they\'ve been impossibly slow about updates. I was on the verge of pulling this story because it\'s taken them so darned long and I don\'t think that\'s fair to the readers. Thanks so much! Hopefully Chapter 3 (which is already posted - by me, anyway) will be up soon.
Love Is Just Hate With A Smile by jenny b
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary:
‘Love and hate are quite similar when you think about it,’ James said thoughtfully.
‘What do you mean?’ Lily asked.
‘You can’t hate someone for no reason without loving them a little,’ he said.
Lily rolled her eyes. ‘That’s stupid,’ she said.
‘No it’s not. Why do you think guys tease girls they like? Most people use hate to hide the fact that they really love someone.’
Lily didn’t say anything, so James continued. ‘After all, love is really just hate with a smile.’
Lily Evans hated James Potter. She always had, and thought she always would. But people change. Opinions change. Sometimes the line between right and wrong blurs … as well as the line between love and hate.
ON INDEFINITE HIATUS. Check out my bio for more details.
Date: 02/25/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter One: Friends and Foes
This is a complete turnaorund from the light and breezy narrative of February the 14th, now, isn't it? But very nicely done. I don't dig Lily/James much, but so far, this is shaping up to be more of a Lily-centric fic than a shipper story. This chapter, anyway. I love how you filled us in on more interaction between the two sisters. You've done Petunia as if you've lived with her yourself. I hope you don't! ^_^ Lily is not a doormat; I like the way you portrayed her loyalty to Sev and her apparent still-persistent love for her sister. The quotes in your summary have yet to come then, I'm among those who await them, hon.
Author's Response: *hugs Joanna* You\'re so sweet. :] Yes, this will be more of a Lily-centric fic. I thought there were just far too many James/Lily’s around, so I wanted mine to be a bit different.
I\'m glad you like it so far!
That reminds me. I need to finish To Love Life Again. *headdesk* I\'ll get there!
Pearlescent by dulcet_tones
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: She was once an abused daughter, turned belove wife of her own making.
This is the story of how she threw it all away, cast aside by her once adoring husband.
What effects will his hatred have on her?
Written by hemybabay82 of Gryffindor for the Colours of Loss challenge.
Date: 10/30/08 Title: Chapter 1: Pearlescent
I immediately forgot the typos after finishing reading your Pearlescent, Stacy. They don't signify compared to the vivid picture you've drawn for us of Merope and her short piece of heaven and then hell.
And anyway, I thought the lack of punctuation in the fourth paragraph seemed a characterization of Merope and how she was feeling at the time. Breathless and erratic with joy.
I hated Tom all over again.
I hated Caractacus all over again.
Merope not taking her eyes off the floor while talking to Burke was heartbreaking. It hit me strongly somehow, this broken witch and her bowed head.
And then, the clever coincidence of her taking notice of the cursed pearls, and Burke's fitting comment that sadly concurs with what Merope is going through (and the effects of the love potion).
I like how she made figurative vengeance and denunciation against Amortentia (and Burke, hehe).
~Joanna
Beginning of the End by callmehermione
Rated: Professors •Summary: Rowena Ravenclaw and Salazar Slytherin have a special connection that becomes more and more difficult to maintain as the politics of building their school tear them apart.
Date: 10/30/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
My dear Miss Delaney, I'm sorry for not taking a gander at your treasure trove of stories until now.
I'm happy to say Beginning of the End lives up to its title.
The obvious and subtle reversal is a theme throughout.
Rowena thinks Salazar isn't planning, when she is the one who is more than a little distracted.
And of course, there's our perceptions and preconceptions reversed and subverted as well. Because of his Chamber, there has always been this taint to Salazar Slytherin, I'm not alone in thinking him an anti-social loner whom nobody likes and only probably joined the other three for his own gain... but here you have given him dimension. He hasn't been merely tolerated, but loved. And it's surprisingly not just plausible but pleasant, too, that his ambitions used to be centered on nothing and no one beyond Rowena.
Aww.
And then, being Slytherin, there he is, rendering Ravenclaw speechless. He is right. In his perspective, he is the one betrayed.
I would have preferred more archaic phrasings but I enjoyed this nevertheless. I loved how you used the Yeats quote at the end.
Though there is love in how Rowena answered it, the following sentence immediately and gracefully hinted of how this is indeed the beginning of the end.
Because of what is lost between them.
~Joanna
When Worlds Collide by jenny b
Rated: 6th-7th Years •
Summary:
Rose was a Weasley. She never gave Scorpius Malfoy a second glance. They were sworn enemies, even though they’d barely even spoken to each other. But sometimes all it takes for love to blossom is a Potions lesson, a few snide remarks and a dropped book.
Two people. Two entirely different worlds that are suddenly intertwined.
Date: 05/25/08 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter Three: Hogsmeade Can Be More Interesting Than You’d Expect
My twin is SPEW featured author! *hugs*
Let me get this out of the way first, my dear Jen. I can't help noticing your narration is too bland and stark. The dialogue is very natural. You have a knack for popping in little jokes in the Weasleys' exhanges. But the narration, which is told mostly from Rose's POV, can do with some color and creativity. For instance, there are many ways in which you can better tell us that it's cold outside and that Rose can't help thinking about Scorpius, in lieu of just saying that as is... Rose is a reader, and she's Ron and Hermione's daughter, so I expect she can and will use analogy and euphemisms at the drop of a hat.
Now then, as I made my notes for this story's review, on the top spot is "endearing rendering of the Weasley cousins". The teasing, the sympathy, the loyalty, the protectiveness. The fun. Their individual and blanket quirks.I also liked your Quidditch. The commentary, especially. You almost make this read like the original.
So many familiar names, with their familiar traits. They triggered nostalgia, and made me pick up the Harry Potter books again after being immersed in Meyer. ^_^Next in my notes: "young love". The secret glances, and the inability to look away. The blushing. The dysfunctional heartbeat. The mooning. And of course, the star-crossed lovers. All here. There's even a parallel pairing in the works, eh? And what alliteration their names are. *wink*
I find it fitting that you threw in Pride and Prejudice as a tool and a subtle symbol as well, of Rose and Scorpius. Am I right? I've originally applied this concept to Dramione, even earned points for pointing it out in a discussion thread at the Forums (Mr Darcy is such a lucky charm) but it also applies to Rose and Scorpius, with the delight of not straying from canon. That's one of the attraction of NextGen, isn't it?The prejudice is rife on both sides (the Weasleys here, Selina there), and the pride... I suppose it is well on its way... now that the first kiss has been delivered. Woot.
That is so sad about Scorpius. Draco himself had been loved, too much and unhealthily so-- in the wrong aspects. Scorpius being neglected somehow agrees with the way some families grow. For instance, some parents who came from deprived childhoods often smother their children with affection and care. I can easily see how Draco, spoiled, thought it good to let his son taste some rejection from his wife.Or else I expect retribution for Astoria.
So far, I see Rose representing warmth, coming as she does from a family of love. Scorpius can either shy away overwhelmed from that, or, as your title suggests, willingly and happily collide with it.~Joanna
Author's Response: Joanna! Thank you for all your lovely comments and criticisms, dear. I will try to work on my narration. It\'s the thing I\'ve always had the most trouble with. Dialogue comes easily, but I always struggle to make my narration more descriptive. Thanks for pointing it out, I\'ll try to improve it in the next few chapters. Anyway, thank you again for this fabulous review! :]
Cette Nuit by clabbert2101
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: A rallying cry for the Order. I'd like to think that Tonks and Lupin stood in the front of the Great Hall before the final battle, and took turns giving this speech.
Date: 04/21/08 Title: Chapter 1: Cette Nuit
Endearing. This was my first thought after reading this. My mind filled with images of Lupin standing by the High Table waxing Romeo-esque (even more impassioned) after Voldy's pretentious suavity imitating a Muggle PA.
I can't pick which lines can have been given by Tonks. Perhaps the 'my heart is full' part. I imagine her heart was full not just of watching Remus's back and avenging her father, but also of her son...
Kudos for adding a dash of word music to my visions of that spectacular night. They can almost use this for a score. We must inform Leavesden Studios. ^_^~Joanna
Author's Response: glad somebody else gets a tune in their head when reading this, because it was written to a tune.
Facing Death by bertiebott12, Hansolohpfrk
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: The curtains call, beckoning a man to his death.
Date: 04/21/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
I thought the title quite catching, like something Cummings or Goldsmith would have used in what can be a shortie or a sermon, respectively. I wondered who the character is. After all, there are quite a handful who 'face death' in the HP-verse.
Of course, you give us a clue right in the first line. Although, I think 'the curtains' should be 'the curtain', if it's the Veil in the Death Chamber.
The second stanza-- maybe it's just me, but it sounds and feels out of place. It can easily be removed and the poem will lose nothing in the way of meaning.Still, the 'stars' must be an allusion to fate, am I right? It's the only way I perceive it. 'Above' would have been been better than 'around' (st.2 l3). This said, I think the first two lines of the third stanza would have been beautiful attached to the second stanza, the 'for' replaced with 'that'. Or, the period after 'aloud' can be stricken.
Can't help meddling, padonnez moi, Claire. ^_^ One more, just one more, you can do with one less 'soon'.You gave the Veil such power here, almost made it seem like a vengeful, fleshy character. The focus isn't so much on the protagonist's plight and courage, as in the inevitability and draw, of death. Sometimes.
Ironically, even though this is open form, or perhaps partly because of it, the overall feel of this creation, contrary to how we percieve the character's conviction, reminds me of Emily Dickinson's "Because I could not stop for death..."Indeed, death perhaps kindly stopped for our favourite godfather, though it was not kindly to his godson at all.
~JoannaYou Have a Why by Indigoenigma
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: You, Lucius Malfoy, have a reason to fight.
Date: 09/30/08 Title: Chapter 1: Reasons
Kelly, I have a why for reviewing this. Several, in fact.
First, You Have A Why is one of those epistolary stories that ensnare. Here we have a view into the mind of a character seemingly in the background but very much at the thick of the melee, what with having the villain in her house.
Second, your Narcissa is the consummate Slytherin pureblood princess in her letter. Commanding, striking and playing all her cards. Writing her thoughts and arguments down, safe from being overheard by her unwanted guests, and certain to have even more influence on her husband because of the permanence of ink. Verbum volent, scripta manent. Words fly, writing remains. I can see Lucius rereading and rereading this (after lifting protective charms, of course), for resolve, for fortitude, for guidance.
Last but not least, in one letter and in a few paragraphs, you have shown us all three of the Malfoys, before, during and after the War. You explained them. This certainly goes to my stash of "Malfoy Canon". I keep remembering that scene in the Great Hall after the Battle of Hogwarts, when the three of them were back together. Narcissa hinted of that coming scene in her passion here for her family.
Author's Response: Thank you so much, Joanna! I'm so glad that you liked the characterization and Narcissa's actions. That makes me so very happy. :D
The Magnificent Malfoy by Fantasium
Rated: Professors •Summary:
Some said he had been a Death Eater, others that he had fought bravely for the Ministry during the war. Nearly everyone took advantage of his fabulous hospitality. And fabulous it was; in his superb Wiltshire home he gave the most amazing parties, and not the least remarkable thing about them was that few people could recognise their host. He seemed to be a man without a background, without history, whose eyes were always searching the glittering crowds for something… or someone?
Date: 06/21/08 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue - Liam
I now like The Magnificent Malfoy even better than The Great Gatsby. Okay, so that might be stretching it, but I don't care. You deserve some praise for what delicious thing you've done here, Anna. The shocking tones and moral decline of the characters in the latter are softened with their actions' justifications in the former. This is what my delusional and unrealistic (and a little insane and errant) tastes prefer. Harry is an angel compared to Tom, and Siobhan is an exotic orchid, not too bad a Daisy.
I also love how Liam found Hermione, instead of a Jordanish girl. Nothing fake about Hermione's breeding, is there, just as there's no doubt about her sincerity.
I looked up Granians in Encarta, came up with zilch. I was confused at first why the 'horses' had wings. It took a while for it to sink in that this is your own invention, as a parallel to GG's recurring symbol of 'driving'. Nice one, Anna, as well as the details as to riding and horses. I'll be looking back on them for referrence. They're that good.I read this in one sitting, the story just flowed from one well-structured paragraph to the next, and comfortably from one cleverly Potterized idiom to the next, too. I love it when fan fiction are this literary and Potterish. Mostly, authors lean more on one and forget the other. Kudos to you for achieving balance.
I'm now very curious and impatient to read this story's companions (and I think it's compulsory for this to have companions, for those who aren't familiar with GG's premise). Of course, I'll be making time to read Sins as well. I just hope I won't be unfair to Jenna and come to her story expecting it to read like a Fitzgerald, too. She has you to thank for that. *grins*