Oh, Julie, this broke my heart! I already knew from canon and your warnings that the end was not possibly going to be happy, but I was still not prepared for it. This was a short, sad story which also happened to be very powerful.

First of all, I must say that I liked the use of sound elements. The whisper of footsteps, some onomatopoeia later on… everything added to the grandeur of your writing. Speaking of your style, it is simple and descriptive. I liked how you showed everything instead of telling us about it. A perfect example of this would be this line: "Where have you been all night?" demanded an enraged-looking Mrs. Abbott, stomping across the room and, despite her tattered pink bathrobe and gray slippers, looking quite threatening. Everything starting from the expressions on Mrs Abbot’s face, right down to her clothing, her ‘stomping’ out of the room said a lot about her in very few words and I really liked this because I always tend to have troubles writing this way and you have managed it with ease.

Characterisation-wise, I liked how all the characters were written. Hannah herself, well, we don’t know much about her from the books, but you gave her an identity. She is a true Hufflepuff; she stands up for her friends. She also stands up for her mother when Draco insults her, despite everything her mother has done. She is prompt to leave the house when it all gets too much, showing that she is a strong person. And at the end of it all, you show that she is very caring too. Hannah’s mum was… I was shocked at her, to be honest. I have seen a lot of ‘abusive dad’ stories (and am guilty of writing it) but I’ve rarely seen stories with abusive mothers. I felt sorry for Hannah; sorry that her mother didn’t really change. But it’s good that Hannah forgave her. It shows that deep inside, she really did love her mother.

On a side note, I really liked Draco’s characterisation. The dialogue and everything was so like him- even if he did just appear for two seconds. I liked this in particular: "Better watch out, Abbott," Draco drawled. "If dear Potter is right, your Mudblood mother may be in for trouble." That’s so… Malfoy! Him signalling to his ‘entourage’ later on and his drawling voice and his behaviour towards Ernie and Hannah: as in, mocking Ernie for defending Hannah, and Hannah in turn for defending his mother just seemed like what he would so. I’ve read too many ‘soft’ Dracos ever since the next generation came along, and going back and reading that old, slimy boy in Harry’s year, written so well, was nice. I couldn’t not mention how much I adored this part!

Going back to the story as a whole, I really liked the intensity of emotions in it. The descriptions were very good and I could really get into Hannah’s mind and feel her pain and dilemma and sadness. Your story had, as one of my Betas had put it for my story once, ‘an episodic feel’. There were flashes of scenes, all ripe with new emotions and more beautiful descriptions. I also liked the ‘but it did’, ‘but it didn’t’ pattern. It definitely added a lot to the general feel of the story.

I was aware that Hannah’s mum would die in the end but when it did happen, I felt very sad. I even felt sorry for Hannah, even though I knew this was… a kind of liberation for her. However your mother is, she is very essential in a person’s life. We all need our mothers, abusive or not.

I was so glad I decided to check this out. This was a wonderful piece, Julie. Well done!

Pooja

Author's Response: *squees* Thank you soooooooooo much! <3 This was a super hard story for me to write so I was afraid it might be weak, but I am THRILLED that you like it! This was just a plot bunny that kept running away, so I'm glad that I finally caught it! Ah, Draco. I know that he's supposedly a better person, but to me he's always an annoying ferret. Glad you liked him! Thank you so so SOOO much, Pooja! <3 ~Julie

Hey Jamie!

Ha, when I saw Harry and Neville being mentioned, I suspected something but then I saw the warnings and realised this was something else. Anyway, I enjoy good mysteries, like I just told you, and this is really, really good!

First of all, I loved the 'FACT' and 'SUSPECT' method. I never imagined the Auror department would be divided into several tinier departments to sort out homicide, unusual crimes, etc and this was very innovative of you. :)

Harry is well characterised. I can just see him as a busy fellow with ever-growing stacks of parchment. Slightly frustrated, older and still so Harry.

Grabbing McKinnon by the shoulder, Harry pulled him back and away from the knot of people around the body. "If you're going to interrogate him, at least have the decency to arrest him first," he growled.

I loved this. This was very much like him.

Although Harry would reserve his judgement until he'd walked the grounds, he couldn't help agreeing - nor could he quell the odd feeling in the pit of his stomach that he was somehow returning home.

I loved this too. It's wonderful that after so many years, Harry would feel that way about going to Hogwarts and if I had written the same thing, I'd have forgotten to mention this. Somehow, this little piece of information meant a lot and really put the icing on the cake.

Now about Neville. Well, I have no words. He's fantastic! So perfect! I could see the mixture of post-war Neville, Professor Longbottom and pre-war "why is it always me?" Neville too. It was a perfect combination and I can see Neville exactly this way at forty three.Yep, you ARE the Neville expert and I applaud you for that!

The murder itself-- you've got the medical stuff so right! Me likey! I am particularly (understandably) obsessed with medical details and I love it when someone describes them with such perfection. In the Muggle world Dragonbane would be strychnine (I'm guessing from the post-mortem details you've given). :D I wrote a strychnine poisoning myself and that's a deadly one. I wonder why someone killed Marcus Akers in such a way. I mean, poisoning to the spine is a very, very painful way to die. :o

This is golden, Jamie, and I'm moving to chapter 1 just now. And I'm so glad I decided to come try this out! It's wonderful! I'm going to have fun following this one and getting to the end. You've researched well and your characterisation is spot-on. Also, the writing is gripping and very professional. Well done!

Pooja xo

Hello, little sis!

Well, first of all, I’d like to congratulate you for churning out such a wonderful piece in a matter of hours. I remember, that was one of the crazier nights when we sat up together over AIM, trying to complete our challenge entries before the deadline, and unlike my rushed, typo-ridden submission, this is a very good, polished piece.

Beginning with the introduction: I have always loved your story beginnings. They’re well written, explanatory and exciting. It’s… well, I shall compare it with food: crispy on the outside and juicy and engaging as you move in. You give us a fair explanation of Andrea’s character before drawing us into a deeper, more emotional story, which, as one can gather from the summary itself, is not your run-of-the-mill romance.

Your writing has a humorous tone to it, which I like. Since it was written in first-person format, this gives Andrea more character and makes her more interesting. I really like the transition from your introductory paragraph to the main story- that is, the present, where Andrea is sitting in her secret place. Also, you have blended in the scenes and made it smooth and easy to read. I like how you mention subtle canon facts for the readers to grin at. For example: There was a sudden rustle of paper as I saw him hiding it behind his back, a sheepish expression on his face. I recognised the Marauder’s Map! Hmm, I wonder how Albus has it. Maybe James has given it to him for use once in a while? Either ways, it made me chuckle. It reminded me of Harry too, and for some reason, the familiarity felt good.

Moving on to character development, I enjoyed reading Andrea. I felt sorry that she had to deal with dyslexia. Even though you’ve had her mention that she wasn’t ‘cunning and evil’ like the rest of the Slytherins, I liked how she still managed to remain quite Slytherin. She was determined to fight her learning disability and she also fiercely defended Albus, whom she cared for. Her character weaknesses are also well illustrated. She can get carried away by others; she agrees to bully Albus just because her housemates tell her to do so. She is also under-confident. All this put together makes her a believable, well-developed character.

Albus, on the other hand, was so different from the usual, pathetically nice representation that he gets (and I must admit, I am guilty of such a representation of him too)! I liked how he was like Harry, sweet and caring sometimes, but also like James Sr in some parts: he is mean to Andrea when she tries to bully him; way too mean. I also like how he has certain Gryffindor-ish qualities in him, despite being a Ravenclaw. He’s not so different from everyone else in his family after all! He’s a stubborn, determined, person too, I see, as he chases Andrea about after hurting her, but that also indicates that he’s nice, like Harry. You also made him different, by Sorting him into Ravenclaw. It was different, because if he’s not a Gryffindor, he’s generally a Slytherin.

I found it interesting that Albus attended Muggle primary school. I remember suggesting Sherlock Holmes to you, but it goes well with his character in this story. He seems like someone who might read intelligent Muggle literature. Hmm, how much do you reckon the wizarding world would have changed by the time Albus went to Hogwarts? Do you think that, maybe at least thirty per cent of the wizards might be sending their kids to Muggle schools for primary education, as it is indeed a liberal and tolerant world, now? Just something that really intrigued me in your story…

I have quite a few favourite moments in your story. The best would be the bullying scene. It made me grin because of Albus, as I have explained before. It was really nice to see him that way. Another moment I loved was when Albus helped Andrea write the ‘R’. The emotions involved and the attraction between them, the sexual tension and their reactions… It was so sweet and sexy. Once I read this, I couldn’t wait for Albus and Andrea to get together. This was fantastic!

My other favourite moment would be Albus and Andrea meeting Jenkins and Bulstrode again. This line made me giggle a lot: And I can see two caterpillars mating. So much for Jenkins calling them an eagle and a worm; Albus didn’t care about that at all! Plus, I loved how Andrea punched Jenkins after that! It was a wonderful moment and I felt nice for both Albus and Andrea.

The kiss in the end was really sweet and Albus asking Andrea out to Hogsmeade wrapped it up really well. I enjoyed reading them as a couple and felt sorry for them because, well, I do know what happens to these two in Sapphires and Rubies. But yes, seeing you wrote Andrea in Rubies first, this story maintained the consistency in her character. She seemed like the same person who tried on the cologne she got for Albus, just so she could see how he’d smell. I can see their relationship going far enough to a live-in, the way it’s been represented in Sapphires/Rubies.

To sum it all up, this was a lovely read. There is no doubt that I enjoyed it. You definitely handled the dyslexia well and Andrea’s difficulties were well represented. The story has a slightly bittersweet tinge to it, but that’s maybe because I know what happens later on! I must admit, I never thought that the expansion of any of our Rubies/Sapphires snippets would work, but you’ve disproved me. You have discovered Andrea well. Well done and all the very best for the challenge!

Pooja

Nadia!

I know I’m almost a year late on my promise to review this story in a more analytical way, but here it is! Can I tell you again, that I love this story to bits? It’s one of my favourite Ronmiones. And no, I’m not even biased because you wrote it for my birthday, or because it features my OTP. It is genuinely a very good story.

First of all, I really adored how the story started with a spot-on characterisation of Ron. “Never again, Hermione,” Ron Weasley complained loudly as he set down the crate and rubbed his back. He stared his dusty hands in disgust and mumbled, “If you ever tell me to move again I’ll--” I can just imagine him saying those lines and doing those things, and complaining, even though it was his idea to move out. And Hermione’s expression. Wow, I really loved that. She is a character who shows more passive anger than anything, and she is just the one to glare and talk exasperatedly, instead of actually saying something. I am so glad that you incorporated it here.

Style-wise, I am very impressed at how the story sounds so Ron. I mean, yes, the story is from his point-of-view, but often, I find myself failing at bringing in character in the narrative when I write from a character’s point of view, and I love how you’ve put it here so seamlessly. Also, the descriptions are perfect. The landing was still dark; Ron extracted his wand from his coat pocket and lit it, casting ghastly shadows of himself on the wall. The floorboards felt slippery under his feet. I could practically watch Ron walking through the corridor of an old house, his wand aloft and lit. Beautiful.

And would it be too much to mention this line? Fine, but if I see a spider, you’re doing it.” It really made me laugh a lot! So yes, this story is fantastic for the humour component too. The few funny lines here and there really cracked me up, even through the dark moments that the story had later on. Even from your other stories, I think you have a real talent there. You can make people laugh with your writing. :)

As you know, I love it when my favourite characters are written well. And you stuck to them in this. Ron was perfectly written. I can imagine what he went through when Hermione was being tortured, and I’d imagine this is exactly how he’d react if his Boggart turned out to be Hermione being hurt (and I think even in canon, later on, it would be safe to say that Ron’s Boggart probably changed). The whole scene where he faced the Boggart, and even the scene after that stuck very true to Ron. The heartbreak, relief and then the reactions were fantastic.

And then there’s Hermione. Starting with the glare, which I’ve mentioned before, and then the way she just casually told Ron that she’d tackle any spiders, and finally, the way she tackled the Boggart and comforted Ron were things I could really imagine her doing.

Hermione’s revelation that she was only alive, and clutching on to life because of Ron’s voice was something I hadn’t expected. I loved it. I think it doesn’t take more than that to explain how in love Ron and Hermione are, and that’s what I adore the most about this pairing, and also about this story. And this line, which I really loved, proves that Ron thinks the same way.

The way the fic ended, the sweet, romantic note was just what I needed. After those paragraphs of heart-breaking darkness, I loved the mood suddenly improved and became lighter. Also I loved how Ron didn’t just snap out of it and get back to normal in a minute. He was shaken, and his reactions for a while were well justified and realistic. I also love the moral, and Ron’s realisation at the very end, and I think it tied it all up together very well.

All-in-all, this was fantastic, Nadia! I could read it again and again and still never get bored. Definitely one of my favourite stories around here. Thank you for this loveliness! :)

Pooja

Gah, I'd left you a review this morning, but somehow (and I still can't figure out how) I copy-pasted your banner request on this. Hehe.

Anyway. Eep. A body! This reminds me of the beginning of a typical episode on Bones, hehehe. And I'm intrigued -- mostly because I know how much research this involves (I have a WIP where there's a murder -- not like yours, but a regular murder, and I sat for days with tiny notes to perfect everything while I plotted it). I do wonder though, would the Auror department have a forensics branch? Of course, it's not impossible that the Aurors could be trained in body identification, and basic forensic procedures, but I'm still intrigued.

I like how you've written Scorpius in this. It's just the way I like him, and I can't wait for the snark to kick in. :D I like Lily too, and Hugo, the poor fellow, really deserves a better girlfriend, doesn't he? :(

And, haha, I still support ScoRose, but somehow, I don't mind reading Scorpius with other people these days. I guess, writing him with Victoire did it for me, ha!

I'm definitely intrigued, and I honestly want to read on, but I have to stop here today, because I may or may not have an exam tomorrow (if it doesn't happen, I'll be irritated that I had to wait to read more of your fic :/). I'm also inspired, and I hope I can make a banner that's as interesting as a story, and I'm nervous about that!

Pooja

Author's Response: You will, I'm afraid, have to read on to discover what happens with the forensics, but basically, no, they're not the ones that make a body identification, they're the people that piece together the murder and use the forensics that are based elsewhere (and they share that department with the MLE, too)

Hmm, I've not watched Bones, so can't comment on that, but the idea of a long dead body being discovered is fairly generic, I suppose. I watch a lot of cold case type programmes, and they intrigue me, which was why I wrote this.

Oh, don;t feel too badly for Hugo, or rather anti-Genister - she's okay, really, but Hugo (in my story Diffraction) was a bit of a twit towards her. And Aaron is a flist hottie, so you can't blame her - ha.

Regarding the research: I did read up a lot on body deterioration over the years and also the soil it was left in. I also could easily have taken the easy way out and declared that because there was magic in the ground, that such and such happened, but I didn't because I started to find it interesting - ha ha.

The Scoprpius/Lily aspect of this story does take a backseat to the mystery, but it's still present. Thanks for reading and reviewing ~Carole~

Hey!

This has been on my reading list ever since I made the banner for it. I am so glad now, that I made the decision to read it, because this is honestly beautiful, and I really loved the read.

The story is really quite short and sweet, but it conveys a lot in those few words. The structure helped a lot towards building up to the final moment that you wished to portray, and stylistically, you have done very well. I was intrigued, right from the first sentence, because you have started it with a very active scene. “Petrificus totalus!” Tonks screeched, jabbing her wand at the masked Death Eater who had just come dashing down the staircase. The ‘jabbing’, ‘screeching’ and ‘dashing’ got my mind active and awake, and I was immediately squinting into the screen to continue reading. And this brings me to my main point here: the action.

It is often difficult to describe action packed scenes, but I think you have handled this very well. I like how clearly you have described each motion, each combat move, and that just made the story move quicker. There seemed to be something going on at all points in the story, reminding me of Sidney Sheldon novels. But the action soon moulded itself into emotions, and I loved how when Lupin was killed, everything else was blurred for Tonks, because until then, she had been very alert. The physical motions are now taken over by the thoughts in Tonks’s mind, and the gap is bridged beautifully.

Characterisation was very well done, as I would not expect Tonks to act in any other way, once she saw Lupin dead. The raw anger, then the grief, and then worry for Teddy, and finally submission — it was written naturally, and melded well with what I’ve read, and guessed about Tonks from the books. And then there was Bellatrix. She is definitely one of the more difficult characters to write, but you pulled her off with ease. I can imagine her wanting to tackle Tonks herself. And then there was Fleur — she had two lines, probably, but I appreciated the denial that Tonks was dying, and Fleur’s effort to save the other woman. It was just like her.

The story also ended on a beautiful note. I loved how the first thoughts in Tonks’s mind were about the people she was leaving behind, and about Teddy, whom she wanted to see for a final time. And then, gradually, her thoughts drifted to the people she would be seeing again. It is so natural, even in a state of coherence. When something — anything happens, most of us tend to think of the bad things that will come off of it, and slowly, we give ourselves hope by thinking about the good things. Here, Tonks is dying, and that is definitely not any situation, but the psychological elements you have used here are perfect.

Finally, the Les Mis reference was just perfect to wrap up your story, and end it on a good note. Gorgeous piece of writing here, I must say, and I’m ashamed of the banner now, because I’m pretty sure it does no justice to this story. Good job! :)

Pooja

Author's Response: Oh my goodness! Wow, Pooja, this has to be the most amazing review I've ever received! :D Thank you! And don't worry, I loved your banner. I thought the flowers in the monochrome version seemed almost holy-looking, and the picture of Tonks was perfect--so determined-looking, like nothing could ever set her back, which ties in well with how she is feeling when she dies.

I actually thought writing the action was fun, and not too hard. I tend to write in a very stream-of-consciousness style, which I think helps a lot for action scenes: I move straight from one thing, to the next, to the next...and when the physical fighting stopped being the important thing in Tonks's mind, I simply switched over to focusing on her emotions. Oh, and I'm really glad that you liked her characterization. I think she's often shown as witty and--for lack of a better word--spunky, which are both important personality characteristics, but in this situation, I couldn't really use them! You said her reactions corresponds with what you've guessed about Tonks--the side of her character that the books never had an opportunity to show you...that makes me really happy, because it's what I was going for.

About Tonks's state of mind--I'm happy that you think it works psychologically, since I was initially only thinking about it in terms of the theme....and the theme is really just my interpretation of Les Mis. When I first heard this song, I thought it was about building a better world, about how yeah, there's suffering, and sometimes people die, but in the end hope prevails and the spirit of humanity cannot be broken. You and I may die in the battle, but if we all keep fighting evil, we'll bring a better world. Since then, I realize that maybe this is not what the song was intended to mean; some of it seems more in line with the Christian idea of heaven, how those who have suffered and died will live harmoniously and happily in heaven. But I was never interested in heaven. I have hope for this world, the world we live in. You see, there's this Hebrew prayer called Ani Maamim, traditionally said by those who know they are about to die (I mean, not that I think I'm about to die--I just think it's a beautiful prayer). The English version begins with the words "I believe in the coming of the Messiah, and though he may tarry, still I will wait for him." In Judaism, it is said that the Messiah will come when humans have finally learned to live in peace, when we've ended suffering and made the world a good place. So I guess this whole piece is my statement: I believe.

Again, thank you for your wonderful review! :) It really made my day.

Jenny

Ah, a sequel to that other wonderful AlRose of yours! I am very eager to continue, and have fully enjoyed the first chapter.

I already feel sorry for Albus (possibly because I know the outcome of this). I wonder how the story will unwind though.

I love the description of Albus's eye colour from Rose's point of view. The 'loss' of colour, and then the colour filling back is such a beautiful thing to include. I can almost see Albus's happiness when he realises that he and Rose can be friends again.

Also, he's already in love with Rose. Oh no. :(

Rose doesn't look like she's going to fall for Albus at all. Somewhere, I’m hoping I’m wrong, of course, as there are two chapters to go, and something is bound to happen now, isn’t it?

As for your characterisation, I can certainly recognise these two from I Will Lay Down My Heart. The consistency is good. Rose seems like a bold person, but we know that already. :) I also love how Lily is so concerned for Albus. Will she ever know what happened between there? Hmm, I doubt it, but I feel it’s a possibility. Well, I’ll just have to read further! Well done so far, and see you in chapter 2!

Author's Response: Yayayyayayyay you're heeeere! :D I am so glad you decided to read this, Pooja, even though I think this and my Marlene story both kind of fell down towards the end because I couldn't take my time with either. And I rather liked this chapter -- it's just the rest of the story I'm not so fond of, lol (though I know you seemed to have liked it, so thank youuuu).

This was intended to be a companion piece to I Will Lay Down My Heart, but I'm *hoping* it stands alone okay. The thing is, this has a lot more Scorose in it, as you can see, so it's very much a different story and shows mostly Rose's point of view with things. It's interesting you mention his eye colour -- that comes up, kind of, later :) I think at this point, Albus, like Rose, is very confused. Only later does he actually realise he is in love with her -- Rose, for all her flaws, is right about most people not really knowing what love is at just fifteen. Certainly, Albus lusted after her, and to some extent, Rose reciprocated (she had to have, since they had sex and all). But yeah, it is rather sad when I think about how quickly Albus agrees to be friends with Rose again because he really does love her. Poor boy. :(

I'm really glad you liked things so far! Hmm, I doubt Lily notices anything with Albus. I try not to think of Loulily and AlRose simultaneously, lol (although there are hints of Loulily in this, but very subtle ones), and you'll have to see what happens later :)

Thank you for the lovely reviewwwww, Pooja! *heart*

Soraya xxx

Hello again, Soraya!

I shall try to leave a better review this time; something that sums up your entire story. However, the way this fic has ended has removed any hint of coherence from me and I’m as lost for words as ever.

I thought this fic was a character study of Rose more than anything else, which spoke of a few snippets from Rose’s life. The focus was on Rose’s vacillating emotions, and her romantic dilemmas; plus her relationship with her family -- her father and Albus, more than anyone else. I was glad to plunge into the depths of this study and discover more about this canon character, who has actually got a very minor role in the books, but is still very important in the Potter fandom.

I liked the detached style in which the prose was written. It didn’t move as a continuous story, but you picked up important points of the plot and expanded upon them. This way, the story moved fast, and I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything either. Style-wise, this was more-or-less similar to your other fic, ‘I Will Lay Down My Heart’. It had the quiet subtlety about it. And it is amazing that you’ve maintained the style from your last fic, because I’ve read your other fics too, and you seem pretty versatile as an author. There wasn’t much dramatization of anything, and yet, there was enough drama in the fic itself. The parts with the smut were sexy, and very sensitively handled. The emotions during all those points were accurately written, and were very convincing.

The story itself is so sad. Poor Albus. I knew this would happen, to him, of course. I was aware that Rose would end up using Albus, but I still wasn’t prepared for it as it came. The emotions are expressed so sharply and beautifully, and I can relate to what Albus is feeling at the moment. In the same way, it’s easy to relate to Rose. Since the story is from her point of view, I love how her thoughts are so well expressed in narrative. An example of this is this particular line: Rose hated it, and in a way, she wished she allowed for Scorpius to transfer rather than both of them acting so miserable around each other. Not for the first time, she wished she hadn’t thrown herself into such a relationship in the first place. This points out to Rose’s state of mind very well. I can feel her dilemma, and the sadness, and Rose’s own misery over the break up is palpable.

The reason for Rose and Scorpius’s break-up was sad too. Now I’m half-wishing they’d continued, because they seemed so great together. I especially loved Scorpius. He sounds like such a good person – such a sweetheart, if I may. I can certainly imagine him as a great father. And I loved how you gave him those tiny quirks, like, he’s obviously a cleanliness freak, and is very punctual, judging by how he folded Rose’s clothes on the morning after, and later resisted her so they could get to work on time. It’s very evidence as to how particular he is about everything. And his grief over Ophelie is well portrayed. It’s subtle, but it’s there, and I could see that he was trying so hard to master his emotions there. It’s not fair that later on, he had to lose Rose too.

Rose, was being selfish in parts, but is basically a very good person. I loved that she wasn’t always at the top of her class, and that Scorpius crossed her sometimes. I also love her annoyance at this fact. It reflects a part of Hermione in her. But she’s an independent person, both as a teenager and as a grown woman, and I liked her for this. I also liked her bluntness at some points. She had a different voice from Albus and Scorpius, and it felt good to read her. I do wish she’d not decided to use Albus in the end, though. Yes, she is sad, but that doesn’t mean she can hurt the only person who is so understanding when it comes to her.

Albus, on the other hand, has a small role, which is actually a very big role. He’s such a nice character. He’s really mellow and loving and caring, and that’s why I feel bad for him. He is, of course, very recognisable from the epilogue. And I hope that he finds someone in the future. Someone who isn’t Rose, because in my opinion, she doesn’t deserve Albus.

Plot-wise, the events leading to Rose and Scorpius getting together, and then Rose and Albus having their own union, were very convincing. I enjoyed the scene at Fortesque’s, and the fact that Scorpius had been trying to impress Rose made me grin. After that, everything that led to the particular night that followed -- Scorpius getting upset and leaving, Rose accidentally Apparating with him, and then the talk about Scorpius’s grief, etc, were good building blocks to the smut. The tension just seemed to gather, and the sex had to happen; and once again, this was all palpable.

As for Rose and Albus, I could understand the sadness that Rose was going through, and I also happen to know what Albus was feeling at this point, from your other story, but I felt the progression was very natural. This doesn’t seem like a good step to take for either of them, though, and I know that at some point, it’s probably going to come back to bite them both; maybe just after this.

The Burrow scene was fantastic. I liked the subtle hint of LouLily there; but the best of all was the part with Ron in it. I somehow always imagine that Rose was closer to Ron when she grew up. However, I think while Rose and Hugo were kids, Hugo must have been closer to his father. I can certainly imagine Hermione expressing herself in ‘fifty words instead of five’, and Ron being the opposite. And I loved how Rose was able to communicate with her father, though, and it was so like Ron to ask Scorpius to get out like that! Good characterisation there.

You also put a lot of effort into the details. Each location and setting is carefully written. It’s not something a reader usually pays attention too, but it was easier for me to picture the series of events from here because of all the intricate detailing. It was a fantastic feast to my mind. There was also a particular line towards the end, relating to Albus’s eyes, which was very well written : At that moment, he opened his eyes, green bleeding into brown,. I liked this line because of the imagery it provided, and as I’ve mentioned, the intricate details.

Now I’m hoping you’ll follow this up with a sequel. I really want to know what happens to Albus and Rose, and whether Rose and Scorpius do ever patch-up. They were so great together.And poor Albus; I do hope Rose falls for him, and if not that, I hope he gets someone else. Oh, I really want to know what happens next. :)

Thank you for this wonderful story, and all the best for the cotillion!
Pooja

Author's Response: Pooooooojaaaaaaaa :D I am so sorry for the delay in replying. The truth is, your review was so fabulous that I couldn’t even think of an adequate response, tbqh. Thank youuuuu so much :)

It means so much to me that you think the ending of this was that good. I think the ending needed work and I will probably go back to it and edit later, but thank you so much. *heart* The story was definitely meant to be a character study of Rose. In I Will Lay Down My Heart, I think I needed to explain a lot of Rose’s character, so yeah, I’m glad you liked that :) Certainly Rose is a very minor character in the books, and maybe it’s not the best storyline for her, ha. (I mean, I made her a bit of a byotch, lol.)

Re the style, I really had no idea how I wanted to write this. The thing is, the first part of this was written ages ago, and the rest was written pretty sporadically — like I had a whole section written from about a year ago, ha, so I was rather worried it wasn’t consistent. I’m glad you liked the style, then, and wow, I’m really glad you thought I could maintain the style. And YAYYY, I'm glad you liked my smut :D I actually have no idea about the emotions, lol, as all of it was written not from experience :P

The reason for Rose and Scorpius’s breakup is, I admit, kind of stolen/inspired by The Mentalist. Basically, two people in The Mentalist had a relationship even though having inter-office romance was strictly against the rules, and when they were found out, they were given an ultimatum: for one of them to transfer, or for them to break up. I did love Scorpius in this :) I wrote him a bit in Blood and Roses, and I did enjoy it, so it was nice writing him again. Also, yussssss, I have a thing for cleanliness freaks. Don’t ask, lol.

I’m glad you liked Rose and Albus’s characterisations, too. Rose was a byotch on the surface, but yeah, she is essentially a good person. Albus is a better person, I guess, and he totally deserves a good person. :(

And again I'm so glad you liked the smut, lolol. I wrote that bit during a cancelled Maths lesson, but it was so much fun, haha. And I tried to keep Loulily to a minimum, ha, because too many cousin pairings = a broken brain.

Also, yes, I always imagined Ron would react badly to Scorpius and Rose being together. Possibly the reason Rose was closer to Ron than Hermione was because Rose was so similar to Hermione, so she was closer to the person most different from her?

I'm really glad you liked all the details and that you liked the whole story! I have more plans for these three, but I'm just not sure when to write it, tbh. I will one day, though, because it’s not the end, definitely not.

Anyway, thank youuuuuuuuuuuuu so much for the fabulous review, Pooja. My response is totally inadequate and incoherent but I heart you so much, my lovely. ♥

Soraya xxx

Hey Ellie!

I am so glad to have read this fic, because honestly, I’ve not seen anything as unique as this. Starting with the pairing, and even the way Cormac and Eloise finally got together, everything about this story is different, and very beautifully handled.

First of all, I liked the style of this fic. The way the story proceeds complies with the topic very well. It starts off with a very over-confident and terrible Cormac, and he slowly bows down --with each snippet, I could see him becoming a better person, and I loved that about the story. It truly showed Cormac humbling.

Another thing was the books. I have never read anything like this before --with two people falling for each other because of their love for books. I think it was a fresh idea. I’m glad that Cormac felt terrible for picking on Eloise that first time in the library, and I loved that he was intrigued at her affinity towards books more than anything else. And you’ve nicely explained why he had that little crush on Hermione too. It fits beautifully.

A third observation is about the way you’ve started the story: I’m standing here, and she’s slowly walking towards me. Cormac mentions that it might sound clichéd, and unoriginal, but I think it was beautiful. It never gets old, no matter how many people say it, and I’m very glad that you’ve used it here --for Cormac, because it shows a very different side of him. I liked looking at that side. It’s a good exploration, in my honest opinion.

That brings me to the characterisation. I adored how you’ve made us look at Cormac differently, but in fact, he’s actually still the same. He has only mellowed towards Eloise. And also, I loved how he still wasn’t all that a good person; he changed, but he didn’t become a fantastic person. He just changed enough to become more tolerable, and probably just towards Eloise. Also, I noticed how his personality was slowly moulded and changed by the books he read --because it is so true --books that have an effect on us do tend to change a lot of who we are as a person. You stuck to this throughout the fic, and in the end, I actually liked Cormac. Eloise has a smaller role here, but I like what you’ve done with her too. I loved how intelligent and caring she was --we only know her as the girl with the pimples, but you filled some essence into her, and I can now imagine a lot more of her, thanks to you.

I think writing the story as little snippets was a good idea. I loved the time-to-time glimpses of events, and the way Cormac and Eloise’s relationship became better, and how Cormac, with each snippet, seemed to become better too --but I’ve probably said that too many times. I enjoyed the occasional quoting of books, and the references to literature. Quite honestly, it made the story much more realistic, because that’s how I speak to my friends who are into literature, and that’s how I’ve observed people speak in general, when they read so many books. It’s difficult not to quote your favourite lines in any situation!

The first person writing format made sure to give us a deeper look into Cormac. I think this is what makes the story a lot about character exploration too. You’ve entered every corner of Cormac’s brain, pulled out the thoughts from there and tied them all together in this beautiful piece, and the romantic sub-plot makes it all a lot better. Needless to say, my eyes were glued to the screen the whole time that I read this.

So all-in-all, I think this was a fantastic read. It was light, and dark, and beautiful, and I loved it. Keep it up, Ellie, and good luck with the cotillion! :)

Pooja

Author's Response: I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to respond, but every time I try I just end up blushing like mad and I can't write anything coherent. I'm honestly just thrilled that you like it; it was a long shot written on a dare from Jess. :) (Another note: I'm beaming that the connection to the title was emphasized - I knew the title was oddly cryptic, but I'm squeeing because it wasn't completely obscure.)

I was terrified of putting the literature in there, to be honest. The SBBC constantly reiterates how difficult it is to integrate Muggle book references without something going wrong, and I'm glad you liked it. I thought it would be fun to throw a character like Cormac into a world of books, and I needed someway to tone down his arrogance for Eloise to even consider him, lol. I love all of the books I put in there, so it was a way for me to slightly put in my opinions on some of the good classics, too.

Ah, Cormac. He is horrible to write, but I'm glad you think he was in character. That was probably the hardest part about trying to write this: keeping him in canon, but trying not to make me want to punch him in the face. (All I can say is thank Merlin for Eloise. Otherwise this story would have been impossible). I'm also thrilled you liked the beginning; it was so hard for me to picture being so in love with someone that you would marry them (as I'm about as inexperienced as can be with romance), but I stand by the hope that it can exist. I guess that poked out a bit there.

Honestly, this is probably horribly incoherent, but I'm still sitting here smiling like an idiot. I'm beyond thrilled you liked the snippets and just Cormac, and thank you for being an amazing SPEW buddy!

Ellie

This is a really sad chapter. :( The plot is thickening, and I'm enjoying the multiple PoVs. They're a tough experiment, and I love that you've pulled it off so well.

I think this chapter is so different from the prologue. The vagueness has vanished, and now we have a more defined situation. Although, what happened to Mags and Dom is still very mysterious. I feel sorry for Maudie, and I wonder who Andrew is. I suspect, though, that he's one of the two boys that Dominique met in her... fugue state? Though this is definitely more scary and surreal than actual Dissociative Identity Disorder.

Again, I'm eager to find out what happens next. I love how each character here is so defined-- that is another thing about multiple PoV, there is a need to constantly change the voice of the narrative, according to the person whose head you're getting into.

I feel sorry for Bill and Fleur. And Maudie. I giggled at the mention of Hermione and her glasses. Somehow, I've never imagined that. :p

Waiting for more!
Pooja

Author's Response: Hahaha! Poor Hermione reads a little too much. I think she eventually had to get a pair. I'm loving hearing your thoughts and your feedback. I was very wary of the structure because multiple POVs can be so difficult to pull off, especially when I'm mixing first person with third person omniscient. Thank you for everything! :)