Hi! I think you've done a great job with this story, I'm glad I read it! It is very poignant, starting with Harry's death. You've taken his character in a really interesting direction with his addiction to smoking; it could be awkward (Harry Potter smoke? Never!) except you set it up and flesh it out a bit and make it believable in the context of your story. I only wonder why he started after Lily left - empty nest syndrome? :)
There is so much packed into this, but it is clear and adds a depth to the story that makes the reader want to know more about your version of these characters and their experiences. You do a really good job of introducing your original character without just saying "And Lisa, James' wife, came in." The only rather confusing bit - and pardon me if I missed something or am forgetting a bit of canon you are referencing - was something Hermione says to Ron:
And she still blames me for it… Doesn’t she? She thinks it was my fault.
I wasn't sure what that was about but it was one small thing.
I really liked reading your character of Albus Potter, he was a good choice for the POV and you did well with that. I especially liked meeting Lily. You did a good job with everyone, really. The row with Percy showed he hasn't changed much, has he?
The last line, "Dad was too good, too right, to be a hero." is fascinating! It sort of makes me want to tip that statement on it's head. ;) It was a good ending, the funeral and Albus's final statement. The paragraph about the reporters was especially good and seemed true.
Overall, I think you did a wonderful with this story. It was original and very touching. Good luck with your next one! :)
~Gina :)

Author's Response:

It wasn't awkward?! Thank goodness. This was meant to be my comeback fiction and I thought at one point I'd taken a long shot what with something so debatable like an addicted Harry Potter. I still think I could have done with a little more at the explanation but then that would have threatened to take the focus away. I also tend to find it hard to stop when I get going, so it was just better to stick with what I'd already written. Hmm. Why did he start after Lily left for Hogwarts? Perhaps he was smoking even before she left but did it secretly given the hazards. So he cared enough to wait in a way, but the temptation and the pressure which he was probably was under as part of his job and position made it hard for him. I didn't think about this too much, but it could be one of the above.



I'm glad the story was slow enough to come across as clearly expressed. I often find that although I have all of my story in my head, I forget the distinction between that and what my reader does and does not know. You surely know this too well ;) Thankfully, here I didn't struggle with that much. About that thing Hermione says, well like I said to Ari, I wanted something to suggest that not all was good between these families all the time. The very defensive and rude stance that James takes with Percy hints at previous confrontations too. Ginny's comment about 'getting the obvious wrong' suggests that the two may have ended up on the wrong side of each other before now. So that's something in the background, something that is still a raw memory for Ginny and Hermione and that which involves Harry. Perhaps it is regarding work. I'm not sure. Maybe this wasn't THE best way to try about this intent, but ah well.



Regarding Percy, you must read my response to Ari. He hasn't changed much on the surface so to say - but I tried to show that there's more to him than that. While James' views his father on a more personal level, Percy takes an outsider's view. It's just our perspective sometimes, it is not always bad.



Thank you for your words of encouragment, Gina! They mean a lot. Thank you for the lovely review.



Akay

Ooh, neat story! To think that Peter was seduced to the dark side by his lonliness and a pretty girl is a nice take on his betrayal. Great title and introduction. Very good buildup - I was really hoping she wasn't a Death Eater, but once she "slithered down the wall beside him" it was kind of over, wasn't it? I think this scenario is very plausible because it's so subtle. I think he must have been very lonely indeed, which is a sad commentary on his supposed friends. So what do you suppose happens next? Is he blackmailed into joining or does he join more willingly for Eleanor? Nice job - good luck with the challenge! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thank you, Gina. Although, I knew in my mind that she was always on the 'dark side', it's nice to know that you thought she might be innocent ... I agree about his friends. It's always been my contention that leaving Hogwarts was what changed them (plus Lily effectively changing the whole Marauder dynamic). Not totally sure what happens next ... we'll see ... I think he just gets in too far and there's no going back. Thanks again ~Carole~

Awwww!
Sorry, I actually said that out loud when Teddy got to the werewolf part. This was really sweet. You have such a simple, genuine way of capturing these characters and writing a very heartfelt scene with them. I love your writing style and your pacing here was really good. What a perfect idea for the challenge! Good luck! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thank you, Gina. I'm pleased you liked the story as I don't write much Next Gen at all, but Teddy kinda draws me in. ~Carole~

Very cool! I can totally imagine that Harry went through something like this. This was very well done, so easily readable, and the concluding couplet was perfect. Great job! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thanks Gina! Yes, I can't imagine that Harry WOULDN'T have gone through something like this. After everything he went through finding the Horcruxes and to the Final Battle where so many loved characters died... it's hard to imagine a happy!Harry afterwards. But thanks for the read and review! Glad you liked it!

That was very touching. I like how it leaves so much to the reader's imagination. :) ~Gina

Author's Response: Thank you, Gina. This was a nice one to write because its such a joyful snapshot.

I was totally not expecting the bit about God. Absolutely fascinating. So few fanfics go into religion, this is a perfect way to address it. And an amazing cliffhanger as well! I can't wait to finish and leave a bit longer review. ~Gina :)

Author's Response: I was always disappointed that religion is such an untouched subject, since faith is left relatively unexplored in the canon. How does knowing magic exists affect people's faith? How do people raised with religious upbringings react to the magical world? How does magic affect views on miracles, ghosts on the afterlife? For that matter, are there athiests in a world with Horcruxes? The (very small) parts about God in my story are just the tip of the iceberg, I think.

What a great start! You've quickly established a terrifically engaging character in Yvonne. I already feel like I know her, perhaps because she seems so Muggle-ish and yet works at St. Mungo's. Your attention to detail fleshes things out but doesn't get trapped in boorish repetition; everything contributes to the in depth sense of character and setting you've outlined her. You've also set up (I think, anyway) an interesting mystery/plotline about the emergency at the hospital. I'm already wondering how things tie to the summary.
Your writing is very good and I look forward to reading more! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: One of the things I realy wanted to do with Yvonne was anchor her in the Muggle world. She has an apartment with a toaster and a TV, she rides the bus to work and listen to an iPod, she's one of us. Yet she's a part of the magical world too, and I guess we as HP fans can relate to that, too. It always bothered me that there were no characters in the series that ever really remained strongly connected to any Muggle roots they had - not even Hermione, who I was sure was going to start a Muggle rights campaign base on her house elf activism - so I made one, and made sure to make as many Muggle references as I could. When else am I going to get the chance to, after all?

Oh my, that was really, really scary! Amazing writing! I don't like horror movies, but reading one is not as bad as actually seeing something like this actually happen on screen (eek!), and I really have to know what happened to Yvonne and if she is okay! Great job! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: It's funny, because I think I'm the opposite - I don't have much trouble forgetting images in films, but sometimes descriptions of things will just stick like fishhooks in my mind. The girl on the bus was such a thing. I wanted to go a bit horror with this story, so I was trying to think of a concept that was particularly hard to get out of my head, rather than just an image of something grotesque. I think anyone can write about monsters and madmen, describe them in meticulous detail, but it's not going to have the right impact unless there's something underneath the monster, like.

That was very good! I like how the author remained anonymous, it was fun to read the clues about who it might be. I think I know, although I'm not sure who his wife and her uncle are. :) The first person voice was a good choice, as it was very personal and moving. The only thing I might suggest is a concluding paragraph at the end by the reporter wrapping it up. Good luck in this challenge as well! ~Gina :)

Author's Response:

Thank you for the review, GIna, and I'm glad to see you lurking in my work. Ra-Ra-Ravenclaw! :D

Hey! This is a great idea for a story! I love the idea of Harry going to get Dudley's child for Hogwarts. I especially like the idea of Dudley being okay with it, given that handshake in DH. Christopher seems to have somehow turned out okay in spite of his grandparents. Nice story! ~Gina :)