Wow. Very dark/angsty chapter, but I think you got your characterisation of Draco and Lucius quite nicely. But poor Draco. Only six and all ready getting an Unforgivable Curse. I also thought it was nice how you explained how Draco had several layers to his personality, and that he hid the core by his fake bad attitude.

My favourite line would have to be, ‘Their movements were rigid — nearly stone-like, and their voices were dangerous whispers singing along to the melody of hate.’ I’m not sure why I like it so much, but the imagery is absolutly wonderful. It just makes you sit there and think about it for a moment, especially the ‘melody of hate’ part.

Overall, I think you did a wonderful job with this chapter, and I’m looking forward to where you’re going to take the vampire edge. It seems quite interesting to think of, since you would think that the Death Eaters and the vampires had some form of contact since some vampires are on Vodlemort’s side. Anyway, very nice chapter, and hopefully you’ll update soon.
-Danielle

Wow. Just...wow. The emotion in this one-shot is absolutely wonderful. The language and the way you worded your sentences makes everything seem really fragile and and cherishable, which is exactly the feeling I think you wanted your readers to get about their love. It really makes you stop and think about Lily and Remus as a couple. Although, I must admit it would have been even more interesting to see a bit more of James’s feelings towards the marriage. It seemed as if you had a whole back story planned out, but I can see that it would have been difficult to make it fit without making it feel forced.

Remus gazed down at her, his whiskey-colored eyes lidded.

Maybe I’m just being abnormally thick this morning, but this sentence is really confusing me. If you had only wrote, ‘His whiskey-coloured eyes were lidded.' I would think they were mean that they were closed. However, Remus was gazing at her, an action that usually requires the eyes to be open.

Also, colored is the American spelling, it should really be coloured, the British one.

His pristine features were filled with disdain and his careless hair fell into his eyes with casual elegance.

You’re missing a comma between ‘disdain’ and ‘and.’

I love the description of Sirius here. It’s really a quite simple explanation, but it paints a very nice image. Wonderful job! Although, I can’t help but wonder why Sirius seemed so upset in the dress shop with Remus, but afterwards and at the wedding he was his normal, friendly self. Was it simply the fact that he was in a dress shop? Or was it because it was tired of being in the awkward tension of the middle between James and Remus?

“I’m gonna get dress. Meet you outside,” Sirius said, tugging his bow tie off and curling it around his fist.

It should be dressed, rather than dress.

Remus shrugged. “Her sister is coming in for the wedding. Taking a muggle aeroplane, I hear. Lily’s meeting her when she arrives.”

Muggle should be capitalized.

I really liked how this lead into the next section with Lily and Petunia at the house. It really helped with the flow between the point-of-views switching and everything. It made it feel really natural.

“I’m just surprise that he wants to go.”

You’re missing the ‘d’ on the end of surprised.

Lily’s voice was like bitter chocolate: It seemed sweet and good, but everyone knew the inside was dead and pasty tasting.

You really have a talent at imagery. This sentence it absolutely amazing. When I read this sentence, I can practically hear Lily talking in her fake-sweet voice, trying to be patient and keep her sister happy. Wonderful job! =]

James smiled softly with small eyes, and he looked like a man who had shattered and glued himself back together.

This is my favourite sentence in the entire one-shot. Without even knowing the current relationship between the wedding couple and James, my heart goes out to him. I think it’s really interesting how you managed to capture his heart break and sadness without ever mentioning how sad he looked.

Holding it to their entwined fingers, he said, “We bond this love. We bond this marriage.”

I think it should be bind. Bond just sounds rather awkward to me.

Overall, this was really quite amazing. You have a true gift with imagery. I’ve never really been that interested in Lily/Remus, but I must admit you’ve lit a spark inside me to go read more. =]

I love your plot bunny. It’s really something different from what I’ve read in the other entries. It’s really unique. I would have thought brining Adromeda and Bella together on Christmas would have been a difficult and complicated thing, but you made it seem so simple!

First, a few nit-picks I picked up on. I know we’re not close anymore and we never will be again. Since this is a compound sentence, you need a comma before the and. Second, Andromeda through her arms around her sister’s shoulders. Through should be threw. But overall, the fanfic was pretty much blemish free.

My favourite line was “Rodolphus wouldn’t notice if I purchased a small island. He’s not much of financial manager.” Firstly because it’s humourous. Secondly because it gives up a glimpse at Bella and Rodolphus’ relationship. But I mainly like it because I can see Bella saying it. . . and it’s funny.

Best of luck in the challenge. Go Slytherins!

Author's Response: Awww, thanks so much for leaving a review. *huggles* I\'m glad you liked it.

To me, bringing Bella and Andromeda together at Christmas is simple. I know they have more than there fair share of problems and differences, but they are sisters, and I believe that they do love each other. I don\'t think Bella could really hurt her family.

Thanks for pointing out me errors. I\'ll correct those. I hate having little things like that in my stroy so I always like to know when they\'re there to get rid of them.

Hehe! I\'m glad you liked my small island line. It\'s one of my favorite lines too.br>
Thanks so much for the review! :D

Awww! What a cute way to bring the Weasley family back together on Christmas. It's a very unique one-shot. I can't help but point at a few minor nitpicks, though. =]

Every room of the house had been inspected and swept, decorations were hanging everywhere. After the comma, there should be an 'and' linking the two sentences together. Otherwise you have a comma splice, and that's just not good. Although, I think it's necessary to mention that I really like this sentence. It seems to add a good deal to Molly's character as a mum without her children. Everything is still in its top working condition: no exceptions.

“That’s okay, Mum!” said Ginny in laughter. “We can do that later. Harry’s going to be there in a minute.” Small typo. Harry isn't going to be there, he's going be here, at the Burrow.

“It’s always a pleasure, dear. Now, give me your trunk, I’ll take care of it. Your room is ready upstairs; it’s Fred’s and George’s old one, so you’ll have plenty of space. Ginny, you can go rest before dinner if you need to.” I really like the commanding personality you've gifted Molly with. Although, she's always been a bit commanding about what's to be done in the books, I like how you took it to a new level here. Even when her children have their freedom and are coming back for a visit, she's still taking the opportunity to have things done her way. However, there should be an and after trunk, since it's two commands. And it's Fred and George's room, not Fred's and George's.

Because it was the simple truth: they really were happy together. I really like how you relate the carolers (which if I'm remembering correctly were a requirement to the challenge) to the Weasleys, and then have Molly make the analogy between the two families.

She always wanted a big family, and without really knowing why, it was important that each of her babies had their own pair of shoes, even if money was short. Knowing that they would have to share a lot of their possessions with their other siblings living in the house, those shoes had become unique objects full of meaning. The consideration in this excerpt is very Molly-like. Even though they couldn't afford Ron a new wand when he first began Hogwarts and times tended to be tough for them as a family, she insisted on having one of their first possessions in the world being their own. I really like the idea. It's very creative.

This Christmas would be different; no tears, no worries, no one missing. Wonderful. Although, there should be an and between no worries and no one missing. But, nonetheless, this is my favorite sentence in the entire one-shot. It truly is the 'perfect time of the year' when all of this can be fulfilled.

I think you did a wonderful job capturing the characters in this challenge piece. Overall, great one-shot.

Author's Response: Aaah, another review from you! :) I like your reviews, always long and detailed, it\'s nice to read! I don\'t mind if you show me my little errors, I need to know what I\'m doing wrong if I want to improve my writting. I\'ll go change the things you mentionned. I\'m glad you liked my story! You reassured me about Molly really; my fear was to mess up her character, because it was my first attempt at writting her. But I picture her as a person who likes to take care of everything and needs everything to be organized in her life. So that way it makes her feel safe and comfortable. And I have to admit that I\'m proud of my baby shoes idea. I can\'t remember where it came from, but it just fitted perfectly with the plot and the prompt. So thank you for your review!

I really like the characterization of Kingsley in this one-shot. The plot line itself was truly amazing.

In less than five minutes, the Prime Minister had crossed the globe no less than three times. He had even cured world hunger.

No matter how many times I read this line, I can’t help but laugh. Not only is the act of creating new missions for every caller drastically clever and creative, it also seems like something he would do from the characterization you created for him. The wording and set-up helps with the humour a lot, though.

He frowned as he spied a bit of discoloration amidst the green.

Small nitpick here. It should be discolouration, not discoloration.

“What?” jumped the guard defensively. “I didn’t do it!”

I really like this guard. Although, he doesn’t seem like the type of person I would want to be protecting my life. =] His addition to the one-shot really added a lot, and made certain sections considerably more light and humourous.

Overall, it was a wonderful piece, especially the ending. Keep up the fantastic writing.

Wow. I like the foreshadowing aspect that this one-shot left me with. It got me thinking. Interesting twist to a seemingly perfect wedding, by the way.

In her white wedding gown, covered with lace and jewels, she rivaled an angel’s beauty.

The appearance descriptions were absolutely amazing. I especially liked the comparison between Hermione and angel beauty. It was rather remarkable, and it added with the description significantly. You seemed to have the color theme of the wedding planned out exceptionally well.

Her smarts left her and she ran in front of Voldemort’s wand’s aim.

The only grammatical mistake through-out the entire piece are some missing commas. Here, you’re missing one between her and and. Overall though, there was nothing for me to nit-pick on. =] Kudos to you!

Within seconds, night had blanketed them and a ribbon of death and misery swirled around the air.

Wow. Just...wow. A ribbon of death and misery that swirls through the air? Amazing language. I couldn’t quite place the feeling of the characters at first, but after reading the paragraph with this sentence and a few other incredibly written ones, I could practically feel the chaos and death-like atmosphere. I know I say it a lot, but I can’t help but say it once more; amazing!

The dream was exceptionally written, although I feel like you almost tried to just explain it away with the end part. I think it would have made your intentions clearer if you had expanded in that particular area. Like, how did Ron and Harry respond to Hermione’s reaction to her dream? Did they consider that it could have been a vision?
In paragraph twelve, you have a random as starting the paragraph off. I’m assuming that it’s not meant to be there.

Overall, fantastic story!

Author's Response: Ahh, another amazing review! *huggles* I\'m flattered that you like my descriptions and wording, I really do try hard to get a point across. I know exactly what you mean about the ending part. I wasn\'t as confident about that part, because I thought maybe I rushed it. I mean, c\'mon, they didn\'t really have any dialouge. But I left it as is due to timing for the challenge. Anyways, thank you so much for this awesome review, and the others too!

I like the idea of the story being seen through Lily’s point-of-view and starting in the summer with her and her Muggle family. I don’t think I’ve ever read something so unique in this aspect. I’m really interested to see where you’re taking the whole Forbidden Forest bit; it seems to be a very interesting (and most defiantly unique) plot bunny.

So, my favourite character in this entire chapter was Jack. Although his arrogance is more prominent than James’s, and he seems even more annoying than James, I think he’s a very interesting original character. Out of curiosity, is he going to be making any more appearances in the chapters, or has his purpose been served? I’m betting on the latter, but you never know...

It was raining outside; she could see the raindrops hit the street with such speed that they jumped two inches up in the air before hitting the ground again.

Instead of ‘two inches up in the air’ it should be ‘two inches in the air.’ Double prepositions are a grammatical no-no since they are generally unnecessary. Of course, there are a few exceptions to this rule when the prepositions aren’t referring to the same object, but otherwise just one will work.

She didn’t have the chance to mess particularly much at Hogwarts, so this room was where she could have all the organized chaos she wanted to.

I think you’re missing a word. It should be something to the effect of ‘have the chance to create a mess.’ Or at least that’s the meaning I think you were going for. Also, ‘particularly much at Hogwarts’ is an ‘interrupter so there should be a comma before particularly.

But four weeks had passed and she hadn’t heard from either of them.

You’re missing a comma after ‘passed’ and before ‘and.’ (In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a comma-freak. =])

“Nothing is the matter mum. I’m perfectly fine,” she replied, giving her mother a look as if daring her to suggest otherwise.

In the series of dialogue where Lily and her mother are talking, you missed a few commas. The first one where Lily’s mother was talking to her, you got, but the others you forgot about. Since Lily is talking to her mum there should be a comma before it. So, it should read, ‘Nothing is the matter, Mum.’ In addition, since ‘Mum’ is substituting her mother’s name, it needs to be capitalised.

Thank god Lily thought.

Thoughts should be treated like dialogue. There needs to be a comma separating what is being thought and how the person is thinking it. ‘Thank god, Lily thought.’

She really needed to talk to some of her friends soon, otherwise she would be crazy by the time she went back to Hogwarts for her fifth year.

I love the relationship you build between Lily and her friends in this chapter. She seems really reliant on them keeping in touch since, I’m assuming, they are the only link she has to the magical world during the summer. I’m really curious to know how she interacts with them.

She had listened to this in thirty minutes!

Instead of ‘in’ it should be ‘for' to achieve the meaning you were going for.

I, Lily Evans, will have to save myself from being brain-dead for the rest of my life! This is a mission I must not fail!

I adore Lily’s determination. You’ve done a really nice job of giving Lily some outlining characteristics in this chapter without making it seem too forced or far from canon. Poor Lily, though, for having to deal with Jack for such a long period of time.

And he would notice that they weren’t muggle schoolbooks.

Through-out this section, I really like how the sentences are short and to the point; it really builds the tension in the situation. Although, personally, I think it would have been interesting to see Lily sweat a little more before her mother came to her rescue. Also, Muggle should be capitlised since it is a canon noun.

Lily put the wand on her desk and went to bed, not bothering to say goodbye to her family even though she knew it was rude.

For some reason, to me, good-bye doesn’t seem to fit quite right. It makes sense, but it doesn’t seem completely appropriate. How many teenagers say ‘good-bye’ to their parents before going to bed? Maybe, good-night?

Okay, first allow me to apologise for such a nit-picky review. It’s a habit I’m working on breaking and trying to be more constructive than nit-picky. But nonetheless, I think you have a very interesting start with this. As a reader, it’s captured my attention, especially the bit about the Forbidden Forest. You have a whole bunch of unique attributes going for you for this story, so I think in the end you will have a story with a plot that no one else has considered before.

Keep up the fantastic writing! Oh, and, bring on the Marauders. =]

Author's Response: Wow, that\'s some review! Thank you for telling me all the errors and explaining why they were errors; English isn\'t my native language, and commas are different from my language, but I really want to write as good English as I do in my own language... So don\'t worry about that; I love that you give some criticism. As for Jack.. For now, he has served his purpose, but there is a chance he will make a reapperance in some of the later chapters... I\'m sort of trying to decide between three situations for a chapter; they all work for the plot, and one of them has Jack in them. But there are a lot of chapters to go before I get to that point... The bit where Jack surprises her in her room: I think you\'re right, perhaps it would be better to let Lily sweat a bit more... I\'ll be sure to remember it for later chapters; there a lot of difficult situations Lily will get herself into.. The bit where Lily went to bed without saying goodbye to her family... well, I kinda meant her aunt and uncle.. and Jack.. but perhaps it was a bit confusing, I don\'t know... Thank you so much for the long review! I love long reviews, especially for my story! heh.. I hope I answered all your questions satisfyingly..

Very nice! I really like the suspense the first chapter builds. It really hooks the reader. The character descriptions were perfect. I thought it was a good addition to put how the different tensions effected the different characters. I especially liked how you developed Hermione and Ron's relationship. It was really unique compared to most fanfics I've read with Hermione and Ron.

But when her hands gripped his robes, He felt a long object tucked in his inside his pocket.

The he shouldn't be capitalized, and the third his is unnecessary.

Neville shot a glance at Hermione, who's eyes had gone wide in the direction of Ron and Draco's struggle.

This reads, 'who is eyes had gone wide.' The who's should actually be whose.

And where you would find one, you would surely find more.

This was, by far, my favourite line this in chapter. It uniquely and in an almost foreshadowing-like way, told the reader that there were a lot of them. This sentence really adds voice to the chapter.

Overall, this was really well written.

Author's Response: Hey Danielle!

One of the things I like to do with Gauntlets is have multiple characters to guide. After all, it is a story first and an obstacle course second.

I do notice the grammatical errors at about the second or third time I reread it, but I don\'t like to use betas before I submit. I guess it\'s an ego thing.

And I did like that line when I wrote it. A bit of subtlety that still gives the story that violent shove into action. You should read the rest, though, and tell me what you think! ^.^

- Jacie the Cat

Usually, I try to stay away from Gauntlet entries, simply because their length frightens me(I have attention problems). Although, if your entry is anything to compare the others to, I think I might have to give them a shot. This entry was no only captivating, but you also managed to make the 'drabbles' fit together wonderfully.

“Come on Ginny, I’ll show you a way out.”

There should be a comma before Ginny. A few lines later, you also did this to Harry. Although, then you did it correctly on another line little later. So, I'm guessing you just got caught up in what you were typing?

She wasn’t feeling too patient tonight and the thought of losing time in this carrousel wasn’t pleasing at all.

I really adore this line. I'm not sure how else to put it. It adds anxiety to the readers mind, since we don't know exactly why she was in the Department of Mysteries, but nonetheless she's there and she's stuck. I really like the use of the word carousel, although it only has one 'r'. It makes me laugh, for some odd reason.

That same curtain had killed Sirius many years ago and she didn’t want to end up like him.

You're missing a comma between ago and and.

But she knew for sure that the whole situation was totally ridiculous, especially with her hair dangling down like that.

Your characterization of Ginny was wonderful. Even while she was facing the more difficult tasks in the Department of Mysteries, you kept her in character, which I'm sure was no easy task. She really seems rather concerned with her hair though, doesn't she? Periodically through-out the fanfic, she's messing with it, combing it, and commenting about it.

Even if it was an evil creature, she didn’t want to hurt it with some jinxes.

She wasn’t feeling sorry at all for it. After all, it had attacked her. It had got what it deserved.

These are two quotes spaced a bit while she was facing the lion with misty eyes in one of the rooms. They seem a bit contradictory to me or at least in some need of further explaining. Basically, from what I'm understanding is that Ginny didn't want to jinx it, but she didn't feel bad about it being nearly killed by her Patronus.

The only other thing that I was curious about is the ending. So, was the whole mission in the Department of Mysteries a test? Or when she got to the room with the mirror just half-way through? Overall, though, I thought this was a well written one-shot. Wonderful job!

I adore the random-ness of this story. It seems like such an 'out there' topic to write a one-shot on, but you tied it together wonderfully. This was an interesting glance into how Severus and Narcissa interacted with everyone in Slytherin.

My favorite part of this story was in the beginning, while Bellatrix defended Narcissa, even though she didn't know what she was defending Narcissa from. I thought it was a good piece of insight of their relationship.

Also, I enjoyed your characterisation of Severus. I've always found him a difficult character to right, but you portrayed him perfectly in the situation. I marveled at his stoic-like attitude, despite Narcissa's various efforts to gain the definition.

Overall, wonderful one-shot!

Author's Response: :D I got the idea for this story from a challenge on another site, which was to *randomly* pick a word from one of dictionary.com\'s past \'word of the day\'s. This word popped up, and a random bunny was born. ;)

I\'m glad you liked Narcissa and Bellatrix\'s *brief* interaction, and Severus\' portrayal. I love writing about Sevy. :D Thanks for the nice review!