Wow. This one-shot is extremely powerful. It justifies everything Draco has been through, and his reactions to all those times at Hogwarts.

The ennunciation of his emotions was one of my favourite parts of this one-shot. It added your own style of writing into it, and made it a more interesting read. Yet, even with you telling the reader his emotions flat out, you still went about putting them into his actions and dialogues. So, editing the phrase slightly, you showed the reader and told them how he felt. It was truly unique.

I really like how the nightmares started young, and gradually worked their way until he was older, and the arguments seemed to be more brutal and the consequences more dire. It helped the reader to sympathize with what he had gone through.

One of my favourite banters between Lucius and Draco was, “The Dark Lord is not my destiny.” Only to be replied with, "THE HELL HE IS!" by Lucius. I just love the characterization you put into the arguments. It really showed the different aspects of the pure-blood pair, especially with Draco. Although he still carried that Draco-like cold atmosphere about him and the verbal attacks that strike below the belt; he finally stood up for himself. The different nightmares also helped make his characterization more believable.

You just couldn’t help but hint at the Draco/Hermione pairing, could you? (lol) =]

Overall, fantastic one-shot. I thought it was simply amazing. I think you made a very wise choice to turn this from a drabble to the one-shot.

Author's Response: It\'s funny, because the ennunciation of the emotions, as you said, only came as an afterthought while making it a one-shot. I was able to add an extra dream in order to write an emotion I wanted to show, and made the very ending words tie up like I wanted. =]

Of *course* I had to hint Dramione. ;) You know me!

Thank you so much for your wonderful review, and for betaing this story, too! *huggles* If you are not in SPEW, I think you should really look into it, Danielle!

I love your style of writing. Almost as much as I love Sirius. Well...almost.

There are lots of Marauder Era writers out there, all of them being very talented and having some of the most brilliant plot bunnies for stories, but a good deal of them just don’t seem to flow right because they don’t have the right voice to deal with the Marauder’s personalities. However, your writing style mingles the perfect amount of humour with the just right amount of serious-ness. Usually, when I’m reviewing a piece I quote some of my favourite lines in the story, whether it be for amazing imagery or just a wonderful line of dialogue. Unfortunately, with this chapter, I am guilty of intending to quote just about every other line of dialogue. Nonetheless, that obviously would have made the review even longer than it will end up as it stands at the moment.

I’ll try not to bore you half-way through. =]

James Potter leaned his elbows on the sink, staring at his reflection in the cracked and discolored mirror in the bathroom of the Hogwarts Express.

A tiny nit-picky thing (because I’m in a very nit-picky mood today) is that discolored should rather be discoloured, since the latter is the British spelling.

The first voice rolled its eyes. Well no shit, Sherlock! That’s not what I mean. Actually, that voice got him into trouble too.

Schizophrenia, anyone? Just kidding. Well, the main thing that bothered me about this line was the ‘no shit, Sherlock’ part. First off, I’ve taken to checking slang references ever since I took this Marauder Era class on the forums. Although I couldn’t find a single date where this saying became popular, it emerged in the late twentieth century. So, that would mean 1970s-2000. Technically, it’s okay. The only thing is that this is James Potter thinking it, and since he’s a pure-blood it’s generally accepted that their a bit more behind on popular Muggle slang. All of that aside, I’m not sure if an eleven-year-old boy in the 1970s would say shit.

Great tales would forever proclaim the deeds of James Potter, the Extraordinary Boy Who Is Really, Really Popular.

I love the titles; both the one in the quote above and the one the chapter was titled after. They really give voice to James. Although, after re-reading this quote a few times, I’m starting to wonder if it should perhaps be ‘the Extraordinary Boy Who Was Really, Really Popular’ since he’s referring to forever.

You need to march out there, find a compartment of other scared, first years, continued the voice, and declare yourself emperor of them all.

I love this. All hail emperor James. (Please note here that I’m usually not this hyper in reviews. But your story (and the fact that it’s really late, or rather really early) has me jumping off walls) This was one of my favourite lines. Actually, I’d even dare to say it was my favourite line.

As quickly as it had gone, Sirius’s good humor had returned.

Humour, not humor.

“Broom?! What kind of broom? Is it good? I love Quidditch? Do you play it a lot?” Now Sirius really was shouting, jumping up and down with a puppy-like enthusiasm.

Sirius! *tacklehugs* I really like the hyper-active eleven-year-old personality you’ve given him, and I feel like you’ve hit his characterisation head-on. Wonderful job! Although, I must say, the ‘I love Quidditch’ should have an exclamation or a full stop after it, not a question mark. Unless, of course, that is what you were going for...

“Well, I play Quidditch.” James supplied, in order to break the silence that had descended upon them.

Instead of a period after Quidditch, it should be a comma since ‘supplied’ is a verbal action.

“I’m Peter Pettigrew,” The boy said.

Ahhh. Peter. I’m really interested to see how you characterise him. Watch out, because I’m a die hard ‘let’s all be fair to poor Peter’ person. The point of this quote, however, was to mention that the ‘The’ should be lower-cased.

“Couldn’t agree with you more.” Sirius told it, keeping a surprisingly straight face.

I can very easily see this scene playing out, especially with James sarcastic comment after it. Wonderful job keeping the conversation flowing and releasing the tension between the soon-to-be Marauders. Also, it should be a full stop after more, but a comma.

He forgot about being scared, he forgot to worry about the Sorting and the seven years ahead of him. He even forgot about being alone in the bathroom.

With the pattern of these two sentences, I feel as if they should be made into three. However, if you don’t want to make them into there, there needs to be a semi-colon instead of a comma after ‘scared.’

Overall, I have to congratulate you on a chapter well written. I really adore reading younger scenes of the Marauders, but unfortunately not many of them exist. Keep up the fantastic writing!

Author's Response: Ahh! Thank you so much! I\'m terrible with Britishisms and with punctuation in general, so your advice really helps! (I did think that James\'s \"no shit, Sherlock\" wasn\'t exactly, erm, accurate, but I love that expression so I just had to include it) I\'m really glad you like this story, and your review was super helpful! And there just might be something about Peter coming up in a few chapters...

Yey! At the moment, I'm ecstatic. You see, I was forced to take a break from MNFF, simply because my life had become slightly hectic. But when I finally found time to come back, one of the first things I set out to do (or at least the first thing I decided I had to read) was this story. I quite literally went through every story that dates back to August in the Marauder category. Yet, since I couldn't remember any exact titles, this became incredibly difficult. Well, finally I realized that instead of looking at the first chapters, I was looking at the last, and after going through the category several times, I found your story. And now I'm happy. And now that I'm done rambling, I can begin my actual thoughts. =]

First off, I feel it absolutely necessary to mention that I love your characterization of the Marauders. Not only did you hit the brotherly personalities of James and Sirius on the head, and the book-wormish personality of Remus, but you also did Peter justice. Finally, he's not just a tag-along that they actually didn't care about. *hugspoor,poorPeter*

You really made each individual character stand out in the paragraph about how they each react to being angry. As a reader, I can really see their personalities shine through in that one paragraph.

Right now, he was fulfilling this unwritten duty by hooking Peter and Remus’s arms around his and skipping down the dark street.

Is it just me, or does this paint one of the most perfect and funniest moments I've read about in a long time? Leave it to Sirius to do such a random thing. This just adds to my argument that you have a fantastical handle on the group dynamics. I'm so jealous of you.

I'm really curious to see if Jill has a significance in chapters to come, or if she's just a comic relief sort of thing. Although, I'm almost just as curious as why Sirius has eye-liner on hand... But I like how awe struck the boys where upon her entrance. It seems very classical fourteen-year-old boy-ish.

“For meeee? For little Padfoot? Look at the puppy-dog eyes, look at them!”

Oh, how could you even think of denying him, Remus? This is probably my favourite line in this chapter. After all, how can you dislike anything that comes from "little Padfoot"'s mouth?

Keep up the amazing writing. Sorry for the review lacking in the constructive-ness.

Author's Response: I come back from an uber-stressful calc final, and then I see two GINORMOUS reviews...day just got that much better ^_^ Anyway, glad you finally found my story and glad you still like it. Jill...was an OC that I really wish I hadn\'t introduced. I was going to feature her more later on, but then I decided that this story is really about the Marauders, not my twisted vision of their classmates. But maybe I\'ll put her in another story, I rather liked her. Thanks bunches for the great review!

I have to say, I simply adore your ability to take a sensitive topic and treat it respectively yet add a humourous twist to it at the same time. It's a remarkable ability. For instance, most tellings of the fateful day that Sirius left the Blacks for good are filled with angst and drama. And while this chapter does have its share of these emotions, it also has a good amount of Sirius's characterization added into it. Which is, I think, I necessary addition that many people forget about.

The scenery was ingenious. I really enjoyed the foreshadowing the violent storm gave to the chapter. Especially how the sky slowly turned black until it was completely covered; it seemed rather symbolic of the steady decline with Sirius’s family relations until it was just all hatred.

“A Mudblood, and a Gryffindor. And your son was flirting with her.”

I adore how his family refers to him. Cruel, yes. But it really gives the Blacks more dimensions. To me, it’s like saying, “Hey, this person-who-is-so-horrible-I-don’t-want-to-have-anything-to-do-with-him-and-it’s-all-your-fault-he-exists messed up again.” But that might just be me. Also, on a rather nit-picky note, there should be a comma between ‘Mudblood’ and ‘and.’

“We’ve known for a long time that he isn’t decent, Orion.” Walburga said harshly.

Ouch. Poor Sirius. I think you handled this whole scene very nicely. Although, I would think that Sirius might feel a little remorse at being put down so frequently. Yet at the same time, I suppose the point is that he doesn’t want to have anything to do with the Blacks anymore. Also, it should be a comma, not a period after Orion.

“HOW DARE YOU POINT THAT AT ME! SCUM! YOU’LL BE EXPELLED, AND THEN WHERE WILL YOU RUN?”

Sorry, Orion. I do believe you’re incorrect here. I’m relatively sure that magic can be performed in a magical household by underage wizards and witches. Of course, not legally, but there’s no way for the Ministry to trace it. Although, I suppose Orion could always go turn Sirius in or something, although I doubt that would be enough to get him expelled. Mind you, I’m not a hundred percent sure about the underage magic bit.

The last thing Sirius heard in that house for many years was his brother yelling his name, almost pleading, but in his rage, he didn’t register it.

Awww. Poor Regulus. This sentence actually sprouted an idea for a one-shot. I really loved the description of Regulus here. As a writer, you’re really good at characterizing your characters without coming straight out and telling the reader their certain actions or their dialogues. I suppose what I’m trying to say is you’re really good at subtly dropping hints as to what makes them tick. Like, I can imagine Regulus standing there in a sort of trance. Him realizing that all of the pressure has been transferred onto him; there’s no one else to divert his parent’s attention. And the fact that he no longer has a tangible brother. A brother that’s always there for him, I mean. Not that he ever really did, but still… (I have a horrid habit of rambling. Sorry about that. =])

Overall, I’m really fond of this chapter. And no, it’s not just because it’s centered on Sirius…although that might have a lot to do with it. Keep up the amazing writing.

Author's Response: Interesting bit about Regulus...I didn\'t really think of it that in depth... And yeah, Orion is overreacting a little bit. But thanks for the review.

Wow! I really liked the emotion behind this; it matched quite nicely with your writing style. On that note, you have an extremely unique writing style. Usually, when writers use so many ellipses at the endings of paragraphs it leaves the reader in confusion and feeling like the writer has just up and left them, but you handled it really well. Actually, I thought it added a lot to the one-shot and meshed well with Veron’s personality.

He was, honestly, quite a bit better looking.

First off, I think you captured Vernon’s characterization quite nicely. Although, after reading this sentence in the first paragraph I felt like it was missing something. This sentence, to me, is a comparison. But, we don’t find out until the third paragraph what exactly you were comparing Vernon to. Overall, it was just a tad confusing.

Then he took into account the other ways that living with the wizard and witch down the hall.

You’re missing something at the end of this sentence. Maybe, ‘had changed their lives’ or ‘had made life a good deal easier’.

They would be in their own home on Privet Drive, with their well-watered lawn and Dudley attending boxing matches at Smelting’s.

This sentence is worded wonderfully. It has all the Vernon-like pride and loathing. Even though he has gained a lot from his guardians (protection, a new car, a better appearance, ect.) he still wants to be back in his own house living a magic-free life.

Then Petunia sat up in bed, and Vernon looked at her chin-length blond hair and appraised the lack of wrinkles and sagging, he decided that yes, he did quite like magic.

I’m not sure what to think of this new and improved Vernon. Part of me is saying he’s out of character here, but the other part of me is saying it’s justified. Basically, I guess it comes down to the face that in order for him to suddenly appreciate and approve of magic it casts him in a very vain light, but has Vernon really been that vain in the books? Petunia is often described as having a too long neck, but he married her. And he doesn’t seem too bothered by his overweight appearance, or if he does we don’t see it. Nonetheless, this sentence still made me laugh.

Vernon made his way down the steps that led outside, and gave the dewy air and appreciative whiff, clutching his briefcase in his hands. With his new looks, he got a lot more respect, and nods from neighbors.

A few very nit-picky things about these two sentences. First, you don’t need the comma after outside. Second, neighbors is the American spelling, neighbours is the British one. So, it should be neighbours, not neighbors.

“Outrageous,” Mr. Dursley murmured, reaching up to tug on his mustache and then remembered that he lacked one, “Absolutely outrageous…”

It should be a full stop after ‘lacked one.’

I really like this characteristic you’ve given Vernon, though. I love how through-out the one-shot he keeps repeating things. It gives him the feeling of being very...unbelieving? It’s like he’s caught on a single thing and just can’t accept it. Very well done. =]

If there was anything that Vernon Dursley did not like- aside from slow cars, warm beer and vegetables- it was being left out of the loop.

This, hands down, is my favourite sentence in the entire piece. Absolutely wonderful. It really moves the story along and adds a nice amount of humour to it. Very well done.

“Today is a day of rejoicing, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-But-Who-Gives-a-Damn-If-We-Name-Him-Anymore has finally fallen at the hands of Harry Potter!”

Wow. That’s a very long hyphenated string of words. =] I love the idea though. Personally, I think that he will always be He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named to many wizards; either that or the variant you chose, which, I must say, is incredibly creative.

Basically, it all comes down to the fact that this was a wonderful bunny, and you wrote it with a one of a kind style that really added a lot to it. Keep up the wonderful writing!

Oh, and sorry for the long-ish very nit-picky review. I probably bored you half to death about half way through.

Author's Response: You didn\'t bore me at all- in fact, I found it very helpful. I wrote this in three hours and was so excited that I actually finished a story- it\'s a big deal for me xD- that I submitted it right away without getting a beta. I\'ll remember to do so next time; but for now I just fixed all the errors that you pointed out. Thanks again for the compliments & criticism! 8D

Brilliant. This was the perfect mixture of sad reflection and internal struggle. There’s simply no other word for it; it’s completely brilliant.

The thing that stuck out to me the most was probably the style it was written in. At first, it was a little difficult to understand, but after the first few paragraphs it really began to flow. The inferred words really added a lot to the one-shot it was probably the thing that made it the most unique. First off, I’ve never seen anything written in such a style, and secondly, it really intensified every emotion. Wonderful job.

He’s tired (exhausted) and feels as though he’s been wrung out (pulled) and left to dry (die).

Something about this line makes me laugh. I love the wording ‘wrung out and left to dry,’ but then when you take the inferred words in account, it makes the meaning more intense. I especially like the use of the word 'die’ for some reason. Although, it could be something as silly as the fact as it rhymes with dry that entertains me, or it could be a more meaningful version where I like it because it seems to fit so perfectly. Either or, I just can’t put my finger on it.

After a moment (eons, Remus squeezes back.

Again, I love how the language intensifies along with the moment. The first scene shows such desperation and need that, when I read it, I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until I read that latter part of this sentence. It’s amazing how you can portray Remus as accepting Sirius’s company in three simple words, none of which being dialogue.

The title, however, was probably my favourite thing about the one-shot. Before I read it, I spent at least five minutes trying to make sense of it. Even with the bold translation in the Author’s note, I still couldn’t make the connection. Finally, I gave up on making sense of the title and read the one-shot. Once I read it, though, the title just seemed to click. Overall, wonderful job!

Author's Response:
You know, I typed up this beautifully long response to your review and then MNFF logged me out...

I know that the formatting was difficult at times and you can\'t imagine how many incarnations it went through before it finally got settled that this way (italics and parantheses) would be easiest to understand. And I know that the title is confusing as all heck until after you read the story, but I\'m thrilled that you got it once you had read the story.

Thank you so, so, so much for this beatiful review. *treasures always*

Sirius! *tacklehugs*

Okay, now that that's out of my system. =] I really like this story so far, I've never read anything like it. Although, I must admit, I usually am stuck to the Marauder Era like duct tape. I'm really curious to see where you take it.

There were a few spots that confused me, however. Like, the fact that when Sirius first came into Lily and James's "room" and they were telling him how he was dead, they tried to jostle his memory by telling him of Bellatrix shooting a spell at him and the momentum pushing him back into the curtain. Yet, later in the one-shot, they start asking him if he remembered what happened before he died, if he would tell them what was going on. Earlier on, it seemed like they knew what had happened. But then towards the end it seemed like they knew nothing.

We know it's going to take some time for you to accept this and become used to the fact that you're never going to be able to see anyone on the other side again, and we are willing to wait."

The group seems to dwell on the idea that they're never going to see anyone from the other side again for a while. Yet, couldn't they see them as soon as they die? Since when they first start explaining everything, they tell Sirius that the dead can only see other dead people? So, as unpleasant as the idea might sound, couldn't Sirius see Harry when he dies? Not the same thing, I realize, but a century or so isn't so bad compared to eternity.

Of course you know James, it has been non-stop talk about you since 'it' happened.

I couldn't contain my 'Awwww!' as soon as I read this. In such a simple way, it captured all the emotion James and Sirius have for each other. =]

Who's going to watch over him, and make sure that those disgusting Muggles don't torture him?"

I was slightly confused by Lily's lack of reaction here. After all, those "disgusting Muggles" are her only living relatives. Her sister. Which, I know they didn't get along perfectly, but I would think she might have been at least a little repulsed by Sirius saying that. Meh. Or maybe after checking in on Harry periodically over the years, she's come to agree with the statement.

He started banging his head on the walls, and screaming at the top of his lungs, hoping that someone would hear him.

I'm not sure why, but this sentence made me laugh. A lot. Just the mental picture of Sirius banging his head against the walls... Yet, at the same time it gives me the impression that he's lost some of his sanity. He's not completely there. Why would someone bang their head against a wall, when they could just as easily bang their fists. Unless they were trying to hurt them-self.

Tears began to cascade down his face, filling his hands with the proof of his anguish.

This, easily, is my favourite sentence in the entire chapter. It's so endearing. It just make my heart go out to Sirius. I imagine confusion, fear, anger, and sadness all bottled up and finally coming out.

Overall, I'm really curious to see where you take this. Especially with the cliff hanger. Keep up the awesome writing!

Author's Response: Hmm some of the things you pointed out, I didn\'t even realize. Neither did my beta. I\'ll eventually go back and fix it all, but I appreciate you pointing it out to me. I\'m glad you really enjoyed this story, though! And, if you read my bio on the site, the second chapter should be up soon. :) So, you\'ll soon know what happens next. I just have to start getting my mind going to what\'s going to happen next...I just can\'t seem to get started on the third chapter, but I will soon! :) Thank you again for your comments, and for liking it :)

Wow.

Just, wow.

You’ve really managed to get a fantastic handle on Sirius’s sarcastic remarks, especially towards his family. It really adds some much needed humour to the fanfic. After all, what’s a Sirius Black fanfic without some well targeted sarcastic remarks towards Severus, the Slytherins in general and the pureblood population? In fact, there were so many comments of Sirius’s that I immediately fell in love with, that I had an incredibly hard time picking a favourite. So, I just decided to highlight one or two through-out this review, because I simply couldn’t resist.

“And they did it on purpose, Professor,”

Really, Lily? You mean they tied Severus up and covered him in green goop ON PURPOSE? I could have sworn it was an accident… (Sorry, I simply couldn’t resist. =]) I have two very different opinions on Lily from the way you are representing her. Half of me loves her eleven-year-old tattle-tale best mates with Severus self, and the other half of me is confused about what opinions to formulate about her. I suppose I’ll just have to keep reading to actually get my thoughts in order.

Lily took another glance at her friend, hoping Severus would be alright; he did look sort of ill, after all.

Awww. That’s simply adorable. I love the Lily and Severus as best mates bit; it seems to be a rather new idea to fanfiction. Or maybe I just haven’t been reading the right stories. Nonetheless, it should be all right, rather than alright, since alright isn’t a real word.

Also, the last section of this chapter is in italics, when it should be in regular font. Sorry that it seems like I’m stressing the coding, but in case you haven’t noticed, I’m a rather odd reader and certain things just throw me off, and I would like to believe that I’m not such an oddity that I’m alone in being thrown off.

At first, I had no plans to write back, but it is my hope that by doing so, the wizarding world will finally know the entire truth about Sirius Black.

Why? This part confused me. I would have like to known a reason why Harry wouldn’t have written Mattering back. Maybe Mattering offended him in his letter or something… I should probably start reigning in my curiosity after a certain point.

He didn’t actually die until earlier this year, and it was by his own hand, too.

I know I’m not supposed to, but I couldn’t help but giggle at this. After all, Peter did quite literally die at his own hand, by strangling himself. I’m not sure if that’s what you were going for, but either way, this line was delivered with a wonderful eloquence.

Now, I’m not sure what to think of the whole Animagus thing. It seems rather…odd to me, although, I can’t find anything directly wrong with it when canon is taken into consideration. I suppose the problem with me is there are not many details supporting the idea that they were Animagus. When did they find out? When were these articles published?

I was slightly confused by the dialogue in the middle; it seemed slightly out of place. It just didn’t seem to fit with the general flow of the story since Mattering is only reading the journal, so now, as readers, we know something that he doesn’t, and it just doesn’t seem to fit.

P.S. Please send all my presents care of owl post.

Sirius, I love you. I really like how Sirius has no problem practically disowning his family and being completely fearful of them, yet still request that they send their gifts for him to Hogwarts. You have to love how spoiled he is. Wonderful characterization, by the way.

Overall, wonderful chapter. And, although you’ll probably strangle me for saying it; update soon.

Author's Response: Hello! Well, I want to thank you for your review and I’ll try to answer the questions you presented. \r\n1. Lily was interesting to write as an eleven year old. I hope to add more bits with her in it.\r\n\r\n2. Lily/Severus? Yes! I haven’t read a lot of fanfic with them as a couple but it would be interesting to see how that would work out.\r\n\r\n3. I will fix alright to all right\r\n\r\n4. Italics are going to be dealt with and fixed. \r\n\r\n5. At first, I had no plans to write back, but it is my hope that by doing so, the wizarding world will finally know the entire truth about Sirius Black.” The reason why Harry didn’t write back was because talking about Sirius still hurts him and he didn’t appreciate Mattering prying, even though that\'s part of his job.\r\n\r\n6. “He didn’t actually die until earlier this year, and it was by his own hand, too.” I didn’t mean for it to be a joke and then I read your review and had to laugh because you do have a point.\r\n\r\n7. There were no articles printed it “had been rumored that Peter Pettigrew, James Potter, and Sirius Black had become un-registered Animagi while still in school, but this had been dismissed by the department.” So no articles were printed and know one else outside the department knew.\r\n\r\n8. No. I will not strangle you for asking me to update. I intend on doing that sometime soon, just don’t ask for a date. I have some other things I have been working on and Sirius hasn’t told me what he wants in the next diary(Sirius: WHAT?)excuse me journal entry.

First off, I love how you took a minor character, and dedicated an entire one-shot to her. I adore reading fanfics like this, simply because it gives the author so much room to breathe and come up with their own original back-story. I find it much more interesting reading a new opinion of a character, then the one I’ve been reading repeatedly. Change is good. But, I digress.

The main thing that bothered me about this one-shot was that I had to re-read parts a couple of times because I kept getting confused. Now, this is probably partially my fault, because I get distracted and confused easily. But especially in the beginning, things just seemed off. It probably had a lot to do with the fact that you are working with practically original characters, so the reader has no clue what’s going on with them. For example, in the beginning, I thought Cecilia wanted her brother to come visit her and at one point I thought that Edward was in love with Riddle too. I think this could have been easily remedied by more details, though.

But I soon choose the obvious answer, and, leaving the shack, was just in time to see her running down the lane

Small nit-pick; it should be chose opposed to choose.

I like the Edward’s speculation towards the end about Cecilia ever taking Riddle back, but I would be curious to see exactly what did happen. Since obviously, Riddle didn’t really love Merope, and odds are he did love Cecilia. Guess we’ll never know though.

Through-out this one-shot, I’ve grown rather fond of Edward. I like how you always present him with a choice of what he wants to do and what he knows he should do. He seems like the perfect friend for Cecilia, especially in her current time of need.


Out of curiosity, since your friend who dared you to write this name is Cecilia, did you base the other Cecilia that was in love with Riddle off your friend?

Overall, I really like the idea behind this one-shot. Sad as it was, it was brilliantly written.

Author's Response: First off, thanks so much for another great review!! Yeah, I should introduce who Cecilia is a little early on. But *gasp* Edward in love with Tom? I\'m inadvertently writing slash? I\'ll go back and look. Thanks for letter me know. I probably should have mentioned in the author\'s note that this is going to be a one-shot trilogy. *headdesk* Next one-shot is Cecilia/Edward fluff, and then the last (which might end up chaptered) is for when Tom comes back. No, Cecilia isn\'t like my friend at all, actually. My friend Cecilia is a lot more Slytherin. This character got her personality mainly because Edward was so clear in my mind; Cecilia was moulded in a way to be the kind of girl he\'d fall in love with. *prays hard that this response doesn\'t become one huge paragraph* Thanks again! ~Alison

Wow. I love your characterization or Rudolphus. I think it’s interesting how you chose to portray him in response to his unrequited love. Much more, the fact that his wife was instead in love with the man he worked for, a man that could kill or have him killed in an instant, and the fact that his wife never really loved him; her love was always for Voldemort.

She would want nothing more than for me to kill as many as I could.

I read this, and my response was “Whaaat?” It simply didn’t make much to any sense. Until I was half way into the story and my slow mind finally realized that the person in question was Bellatrix. As much as I adore her as a character, she always was a little crazy. Well, honestly, a little more than a little.

With only me should would never have been happy.

Poor Rudolphus. I feel so bad for him. Honestly, when Bellatrix died, I never even considered how it would affect him, but I think what you’ve written here is a very canon applicable piece. Also, you have an extra word somewhere in that sentence, depending on what your intended meaning was.

You’re descriptions were to die for. I could practically see the green tinge in front of me; I could practically feel Rudolphus’s misery. You really have a talent for it.

As I stood in front of the prison that was set to hold me for ten years, I looked up at it.

I’m slightly confused here. Rudolphus was a Death Eater. He murdered plenty of innocent people. He killed the guy’s brother in cold blood. I think he would get more than ten years. And on top of that, I was always under the impression that people in Azkaban served life sentences, simply because it seems that the Dementors drove them insane. And we wouldn’t want a whole bunch of loony people running around, now would we?

All I knew was that I needed to see the green light again, but I could feel that terrible anguish grip my soul as I watched him die as well.

I like how we see a slightly more insane side of Rudolphus here. It’s like, seeing it in his mind’s eye isn’t enough. He has to see it again and again in front of him. For instance, I believe if the person hadn’t come and taken him away from Bellatrix’s body, then he would have kept killing random people until someone finally killed him.

Actually, the way you portrayed him, I felt like he really did want to be killed. And, it was probably the first time I ever wanted a character to be killed because I liked them so much. How odd is that? Usually it’s the other way around…

Overall, you did a wonderful job handling this challenge. And best of luck to you on it.

Author's Response: Aw, I\'m glad you like the way I write Rodolphus. It\'s probably a bit unconventional, but it\'s the way I like to think of him.
About the ten years thing, you\'re definitely right. To tell you the truth, I only made it ten years because I had a long, complicated plot bunny about Rodolphus and ten years later when he got out of Azkaban… Anyway, I\'ll change it soon.
Rodolphus is a tragic character, and it\'s very normal to want him to be killed in this fic. I sort of felt like maybe his life would stop being so sucky if he died… Anyway, thanks for the reivew!