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One Sharp Tongue Deserves Another by immortal_evil
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: One sharp tongue deserves another. Minerva had discovered that rule. If any words resulted in a smart smack, the punishment was uncalled for. Minerva did, in fact, receive some uncalled for punishments occasionally, but she had forgotten them. Small things were not meant to linger over. This man was no exception.
One-shot.
Date: 01/25/07 Title: Chapter 1: Small Things
Ooh, great story! I love reading about young McGonagall, and I think you did her justice. I can clearly see her acting that way as a young adult, and her actions, thoughts, and speech were all in character.
Your description/imagery was also very good! I loved how you wrote about Mr. Dessly’s ‘imaginary royalty’ melting off his suit. I have such a funny little mental picture of that happening. ;)
Besides those things, I really loved the opening and closing lines.
He was new and unfamiliar, and by the way he walked across the room to her, she did not like him.
I love this line. I can see the young McGonagall watching him enter, and already forming her opinion on him. I think it was a good way to start your story- it caught my attention!
Small things were not meant to linger over, like falling rain and silly men.
I liked the ending line even more than the first, though. It was a nice wrap-up to the story, and it’s a true statement. :D
Great story, and thanks so much for the banner!
Let The Rain Fall by lily_evans34
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Ginny's thoughts now that Harry is gone. One shot.
Date: 07/31/06 Title: Chapter 1: Let The Rain Fall
I really liked your story! But hopefully Harry won’t die in the seventh book- I would be rather distraught. =]
Your characterization of Ginny in this fic is easily the strong point. She (in my opinion) is one of the hardest canon characters to write, and you did a great job. You give her realistic feelings, and write her grieving process wonderfully.
Also, like everyone else, I thought the correlation between the rain and tears was very well done. And, once again your ending line was very good.
Well, great job!
Author's Response: Haha, thanks, I should go into a business writing ending lines. That would be SO cool. Ahem. Thanks for the wonderful comments, and I\'ll keep my fingers crossed for Harry!
Marie-Antoinette by Tinn Tam
Rated: 6th-7th Years •Summary: Runner-up for the QuickSilver Quills Award, categ. Best Alternate Universe
“No matter the time or place, people should never call their child Marie-Antoinette. There is no happiness in this world for a girl called Marie-Antoinette.”
1983. In a world where Voldemort has won the First War, where hope has fled from an Earth moaning under the Dark Lord's iron hand, marriages are broken and others are arranged in order to preserve the sacred purity of blood. James Potter loses his wife; now they have to find another for him.
Date: 07/12/06 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter Three: The Coldest Day of my Life
I was so excited to see an update! =]
I’m not normally too fond of AU, but I really love this story. The plot is engaging and I always want to keep reading. And, you write with amazing detail that allows the reader to visualize what’s happening. Great job, and I can’t wait to see what’s next!
Date: 07/12/06 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter Three: The Coldest Day of my Life
I was so excited to see an update! =]
I’m not normally too fond of AU, but I really love this story. The plot is engaging and I always want to keep reading. And, you write with amazing detail that allows the reader to visualize what’s happening. Great job, and I can’t wait to see what’s next!
Author's Response: Thanks a lot! I know what you mean by not being fond of AU -- I wasn\'t too fond of it either, before beginning to write this story. Still, I\'ll manage to come back to canon in the end. I\'m glad you don\'t think the descriptions are too long or something. I\'ll try to begin next chapter as soon as possible. Thanks for the review!
His Eyes Were Black by SiriuslyMental
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: Was he always evil? A little something I wrote in my spare time about Severus Snape.
Date: 07/27/06 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
I absolutely loved this, and I have to agree with Brier Rose. This one-shot was both beautifully written and horribly sad. Dumbledore’s observations of Snape were spot-on.
The reoccurring, “His eyes were black,” phrase was wonderful, and added something special to your story.
One thing though…
His stares, and I stare back.
I think that shoud be, “He stares,” instead of “His stares.”
Well, great job, and again, thank you for the lovely banner. =]
The End by lily_evans34
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: This story is told in Cedric's POV before, and after, he dies. One shot, taking place the night of the Third Task.
Date: 07/29/06 Title: Chapter 1: The End
Ooh, interesting idea, writing about the end of the third task from Cedric’s POV. You have a knack for writing about interesting characters: Hedwig, Andromeda, and now Cedric.
One thing I liked about this story was when Cedric wants to fight harder because he thinks of all his lost opportunities. That’s very sad. And to be honest, I hadn’t really considered the things that Cedric is thinking when he comes out of the wand. Very interesting.
I really loved your ending line. It was very powerful. You’re good with that, aren’t you? =]
Another thing, about you not liking your title- I actually liked it. The only thing I could think of changing it to was, “So this is the End.” But, it’s fine how it is.
One little nit-pick…
“A cloaked figure was approaching them, holding a bundle in it’s arms.”
The 'it’s' should be its.
Well, great job (again!) =]
Author's Response: Hehe, I like minor characters. ;)
Thanks SO much for aknowledging the title. When I say what I don\'t like about stories, people usually go on to pick apart the parts I DO like. Lol, thanks for the alternate suggestion. I\'ll think about it! Glad you liked the title at least! I actually didn\'t know about the it\'s/its rule; that was a recent discovery, so thanks for that. I\'ll change it. Thanks for the amazing review!
Winning Eternal Glory by Cruciatus Love
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: What would happen if instead of Harry Potter participating in the challenge for eternal glory, it was Tom Riddle instead. Watch as the heir of Slytherin find his way through rows, columns, tasks and obstacles to win the recognition he know he deserves.
Written as a Gauntlet Maze Challenge entry by Cruciatus Love of Slytherin.
Date: 08/14/06 Title: Chapter 1: The Maze
Great story! Your characterization of Tom was great. You used just the right amount of cunning and evilness to describe him! I think it’s very safe to assume that Tom wouldn’t mind killing someone even while at Hogwarts, especially if it meant he would get the glory. That’s just how is now. He’ll do whatever to get the glory, and now, the immortality.
It’s an interesting idea that Tom would use Parseltongue to win his task, but it makes a lot of sense. Even as a younger boy, he already has control over the giant snake. I also thought it was a good detail to include that he doesn’t want to kill the Basilisk, as he thinks it’s a lovely creature. And the Herbology part of the third task was very cool!
So, I really enjoyed reading this! It was very creative, and you seem to have a love of writing about the Riddle family! :]
Author's Response: Yes, the Riddles are by far my favourite. And what you said about Tom Jr wanting immortality, that\'s the theme of my next Gauntlet run, which will be in queue pretty soon. I\'m glad you liked this!
Bound by lily_evans34
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Hedwig reflects upon her life, and her relatioship with Harry. Written for the One Shot Owls challenge by lily_evans34 of Ravenclaw.
Date: 07/29/06 Title: Chapter 1: Bound
Another great story. =]
I’ve never read a story from Hedwig’s POV, so I was hesitant to read this. However, I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed reading your story.
Hedwig’s observations about Harry were very interesting. They provided a new way to see Harry, and the changes he’s going through. It’s sad though, that Harry begins to forget about Hedwig.
The use of bound in your title and throughout your fic really added something special to it. I especially liked the last line, very touching.
A few tiny things,
And I wondered if you knew that you misspelled relationship in your summary. You forgot the letter ‘n.’
And…
“Wait for everything to be alright again.”
‘Alright,’ should be all right here.
Overall, very good story. Who knew I could like reading about an owl so much? =]
Author's Response: \"And I wondered if you knew that you misspelled relationship in your summary. You forgot the letter ‘n.’\" Haha, thanks! I never knew the difference between alright and all right. But thanks, anyway. I\'ll fix that. Thanks SO much for the review!
My Deliverance by TwinSuns
Rated: Professors •
Summary: Voldemort's rising reign of terror, NEWTs, death attempts, a Headship, a tangled affair with James Potter, hilarity, grief, love, secrecy, maddness... it's almost hard to believe that I've survived to graduate. I am Lily Evans, and this is my 7th year.
Date: 12/29/07 Title: Chapter 13: Interlude VI
Ah, this story is so great! The way you characterize everyone is spot-on, and the interludes are such a brilliant idea - I love reading them. I can't wait to see what happens next, so I hope an update is coming our way soon! :D
Born on the Streets by Cruciatus Love
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: A young woman tells the tale of how she started her life completely alone with no one to turn to, and ends it the same way. She describes how she worked her way up the mountain to find everything she ever wanted, or could ever love, and how she was pushed back down it into the same place she started from. Listen to her as she shows you the story of her doomed life.
Written by Cruciatus Love of Slytherin for the June/July Monthly Challenge option three.
Date: 08/13/06 Title: Chapter 1: Born on the Streets
Wow, that was spectacular! You are extremely descriptive throughout the entire story, and I know others have said this, but I loved how you alternate between first and third person. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that done in a fic, and that made this very unique. I think it also gives us a better picture of what’s going on, because it’s not just told from one point of view.
My favorite paragraph out of the whole fic, would have to be the first one. Especially the “Everything I’ve loved has been ripped away like a child from its mother.” line. That one sentence gives me such a good sense of what you’re trying to say. And even though it is a such a sad paragraph, it pulled me in, and made me want to keep reading.
I also loved (just like everyone else) how you repeated the line, “I was born on the streets, and on the streets I would one day return.” It is such a powerful and sad line, and it brings the story together by using it in the beginning and the end.
Great job!! =]
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your kind words. You know, I didn\'t even realize I was switching between POV for a while, but then when I did I left it because I decided I liked it better. And I\'m glad you did as well. Thanks for the review!
Through the Eyes of an Onlooker by Cruciatus Love
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: The House of Black may look beautifully decorated and filled with life through the eyes of someone who had never lived there, but when two boys have spent their entire childhood suffering the pain their family gave them, this same house looks only melancholy and depressing.
Date: 08/12/06 Title: Chapter 1: That Fateful Night
I have to agree with lily_evans34 that the first few paragraphs are wonderful and descriptive. The lines about how their house could have held good memories, but hadn’t, we my favorites.
They show so much feeling, and it makes me horribly sad to think of how bad it was for Regulus, and especially Sirius.
You don’t just show emotion in the beginning though, but throughout the entire story. It's evident with lines like,
"Unlike his brother, he saw only the darkness the mansion held, and couldn’t care less for the fake light that tried to shine in it."
I love that you show what the house looks like to different people, it’s great. But, my favorite thing is that you started and ended with the same lines- it’s perfect, and adds a lot to the story.
Anyway, this was very very good, and I really enjoyed reading it. =]
Author's Response: Thank you so much. I always try to pull things from the beginning back into the end if I can, as I think it adds a nice touch. I\'m glad you enjoyed it.
Let Go by lily_evans34
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: Watching the wedding of the only man she has ever loved from the sidelines, Chloe knows that she needs to let go. But these things are always easier said than done.
Winner of the Challenge 3: Great Love for the June/July Monthly Challenge!
Edited: 5-27-07
Date: 07/29/06 Title: Chapter 1: Let Go
Sad day for Chloe, huh? =]
I really liked this fic because it didn’t have a happy ending, just like real life sometimes. I felt bad for Chloe for having to be in that situation. It must be hard watching someone you love walk down the aisle with someone else. You wrote her feelings very well.
Also, the flashback sequence you used added something to the story, and I think Chloe was a very relatable character. I felt myself sympathizing with her throughout the fic.
“Though no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t erase the sick feeling in her heart.”
That line really made me sad. I think ‘the sick feeling in her heart,’ is a very good way of describing her sadness.
A couple nit-picks for good measure. =]
“She was aware of Sirius trying to catch her eye from where he stood next to the alter.”
Here, ‘alter,’ should be altar. Alter means to change something, and altar is what you’re trying to say, I think.
“He wants you to help him study. That’s it/”
I think that should be a period, not a /.
“She could see James staring at Lily from where he stood near the alter.”
Again the alter/altar thing.
Overall, great job! A sad (but good, of course) fic!
Author's Response: Lol, not her best. ;) Woops, that slash was a typo! And I\'ll fix that altar. I\'ve never known which it was; thanks for pointing it out! I\'m glad you could sympathize towards Chloe. Thanks much!
I Never Knew You by lily_evans34
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: She had never known what to say to her sister. But now that she is ready, it is too late.
Andromeda one shot.
Date: 07/26/06 Title: Chapter 1: I Never Knew You
To start, I just wanted to say that this story was very well written, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
Easily, my favorite thing about this fic was the characterization of Andromeda. Her thoughts before making it to the tombstone are great, and the letter is even better. Her feelings are more than understandable; especially the part about her fantasies of what a relationship between sisters should really be like. You do a great job of making the reader feel for Andromeda, and wish that she could’ve had the opportunity to find out. The short sentences you sometimes use in Andromeda's thoughts, really help with the characterization.
The finishing line was great. It fit in perfectly with the sad tone of the story, and made for a great ending.
One small thing…
“through the frost covered field”
I think there should be a dash between frost and covered.
I would like to add, that I loved the idea behind this fic. It is very original, and made me want to read it. I’m a fan of Andromeda, and was happy to see another story written about her.
Excellent job! =]
Author's Response: Thanks! I guess original ideas pay off! I wouldn\'t know; I rarely have them! I\'ll be sure to change that one nitpicked thing. Thanks for telling me that. And I\'m really glad that you liked the letter. I\'m happy with the way it turned out! It seemed to sum up how she was feeling.) Mucho gracious para el repaso muy bein! Er... Thanks a lot for the very good review. I tend to break into Spanish a lot.
Dear Reader by Madame Marauder
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Deanna Davis is a Field Researcher, working freelance for the Department of Mysteries. Although this is her dream job, the Ministry plans to get rid of it. Deanna creates a fictitous confidant or confidante to tell this story to and to ease her decision-making process. These are her letters to that person.
But Deanna knows that a fictional friend is nothing compared to the real thing. How long will it take before she stops confiding in her "friend" and starts to accept reality?
Written for the Hospital Wing Challenge by Madame Marauder of Gryffindor House.
Date: 07/27/06 Title: Chapter 1: Prolouge-- A Proper Introduction
I saw your excerpt in the forums and came looking for your story. =]
So far, I’m really intrigued by this fic. It’s very interesting.
I like that Deanna is writing to the reader; it makes the story more unique than some of the others that I’ve read. Deanna is a very well-round character, not perfect or too beautiful- she has quirks and is relatable. Her writing (or I guess your writing =]) is very entertaining, and it makes this easy to read. Her experiments were interesting, and I liked the one about the word association with Pure-bloods. Very creative.
So, great start, and I’ll be reading the next chapter when it gets validated!
Date: 07/27/06 Title: Chapter 1: Prolouge-- A Proper Introduction
I saw your excerpt in the forums and came looking for your story. =]
So far, I’m really intrigued by this fic. It’s very interesting.
I like that Deanna is writing to the reader; it makes the story more unique than some of the others that I’ve read. Deanna is a very well-round character, not perfect or too beautiful- she has quirks and is relatable. Her writing (or I guess your writing =]) is very entertaining, and it makes this easy to read. Her experiments were interesting, and I liked the one about the word association with Pure-bloods. Very creative.
So, great start, and I’ll be reading the next chapter when it gets validated!
All I Have by some_kinda_superstar
Rated: Professors •Summary: All she wanted was love. What she got was betrayal and a broken heart...
Date: 10/30/06 Title: Chapter 1: All I Have
Wow. That was a very powerful story. The emotions Althea has are so real, and it’s what makes this story wonderful. Her feelings as she talks with James, as she cuts herself, and as she admits she still loves him at the end of the story, are so realistic that I can picture and feel them myself. And as much as I hate to imagine James being so indirectly cruel, your writing makes me believe it happened.
The irony that Lily, her only friend, feel in love with James was a great idea. It made you empathize with Althea, feel for her. You did a great job of putting emotion into the story, and you handled the cutting tastefully, but without taking away the power that needed to be in the scene. [I hope that made sense.]
My favorite part is at the end. The single line paragraphs finish off the story, and convey emotion so well. I think the title works perfectly with this last part, and the final line hammers home the message Althea is trying to get across. She still loves him, and her broken heart is all she has. “That’s all I have now. A broken heart, broken dreams, my own pain. I blame myself entirely.” That is such a powerful line.
I would have liked to known a little more about Althea- her childhood, etc., but I understand there wasn’t really a place to add in facts during the story. Just my curiosity wondering about things like that. That said, I think you fleshed her out very well for a one-shot.
I did notice a few little errors- nothing major though.
I am in Slytherin, and my housemates despise me due to my refusal to participate in torturing muggle-borns and “blood traitors”.
Here, the ‘m’ in Muggle-borns should be capitalized.
Without thinking, without stoping to consider, I gave up my virginity to him.
I believe ‘stoping’ should have two p’s stopping.
And, I think you might have edited the story recently- your spacing is messed up. It makes the story a bit hard to follow because there are a number of spaces between paragraphs. It shouldn’t be hard to fix, and it sure didn’t stop me from reading this. :]
Well, I loved your story, and am about to go read the other things you’ve written. Amazing job! :D
Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! I did notice that the spacing was messed up but I didn\'t realise it was because of editing the story. I will go back and fix it now. And thank you for pointing out those little errors, I will correct those as well. Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments! It really means a lot to me. =)
Author's Response: Oh, by the way, I did want to add more about Althea. She is one of those characters who is completely real to me in my mind. I know pretty much all about her, but I couldn\'t see any place in the story where it would be appropriate to share more information about her.
Autumn Leaves and Golden Kisses by punk_109600
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Ron and Hermione meet as small children before the start of their first year at Hogwarts, they spend a magical day together exploring and finding an old oak tree. Years later, at Hogwarts, they re-discover who it was they had each met on that day and once again find that old tree, however it now has an old memory to share with them.
“She stepped forward, took a deep breath, and smiled before fluttering her eyelids closed and kissing him gently on the lips.”
Date: 09/02/06 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Look at all of those reviews! :]
Well, I really loved beta-ing this, as it's such a great story!
Eggs and Soldiers by SiriuslyMental
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: No one could believe Oswel would be mental enough to go on an actual killing spree. No one could believe five people had died on one day. They're all busy sobbing and blaming themselves, but I'm clever enough to know it's Oswel's fault. It's Oswel's fault, and I don't care.
Date: 09/15/06 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
I read this in your Drabble section, and was thrilled to see that it was validated on the site! You wrote Snape’s thoughts so well, and it was very captivating. I started reading and couldn’t stop. You did an excellent job with the first paragraph. It was very descriptive, and I could easily picture the red color you were describing. I also liked the ending line!
The plot was great as well. It was original, and certainly something I wouldn’t have thought could happen at Hogwarts. I had never imagined students other than Myrtle and Cedric being killed there. But after reading your story, I think it’s definitely a possibility.
I wonder if you’d ever write a companion to this…Like a story about Oswel’s thoughts while killing all the people. I’d be interested to find out some background information.
You do have one error where the italics didn’t work, so you might want to fix it…
“His skin is white as the milk I [i]ought[/i] to have had for my breakfast this morning.”
But other than that, I didn’t find anything wrong with the story, and the deliberate mistakes you made added to Snape’s narration.
Well, great story, and I hope to see some more from you soon!
The Harry Potter Literary Storm by Mind_Over_Matter
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: The Harry Potter Literary Storm has caused quite the sensation around the world, JK Rowling’s magnificent series of books touching the hearts of people of all ages. But what if Harry Potter was never written by JK Rowling in the first place? What if another genius was behind it?
Many thanks to the fantastic people who nominated this story for the Quicksilver Quills: Best Humour Fiction award. I'm truly flattered.
Chapter Seven, Part Five is now up - yes, that is the final chapter!
Date: 10/21/06 Title: Chapter 6: Chapter Five, Part One: A Troublesome Flashback
It's a good thing I was by myself when I was reading this- otherwise my family would have thought I was crazy for laughing so loudly.
Anyway, I love this fic. It's funny and has a creative plot. I like seeing all the debunked theories! Happy is pure genious. :]
Well, I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter! I wonder what Happy'll do next...
[And on a side note, I love your banners on the forum. :D]
Author's Response:
Yay - thank you! I\'m sorry I didn\'t notice this review earlier O_O
^^ And again, with the banners, thanks! Dumb banners are fun.
I'll Try by guiding ray of sunlight
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Draco Malfoy is caught in an internal battle. Will he ever be free of it?
Date: 01/13/07 Title: Chapter 1: I'll Try
Wow, that was a great story!
My favorite thing about this was Draco’s characterization. He can be an extremely hard character to pull off, but I think you did it really well. His thoughts are really powerful sometimes, but they don’t seem like something he wouldn’t say. I really tried, but nothing was there to help me. Words can only do so much. That line in particular had a huge impact on me as a reader. I really began to feel sorry for Draco, and all of his struggling.
Another great thing is that you gave reason behind the little events, like why he hated Harry, and why he would try to kill Dumbledore, which added depth to his character. Draco’s progression throughout the story was another thing I loved. First he’s blinded by the views forced on him, and then he finally realizes that he needed to turn from the Dark Arts. You did this in a believable way, and didn’t just let Draco change all at once. And the ending line was so powerful. It concluded the story, but it left room for the reader to imagine what Draco will do now.
I also thought the lyrics were a great addition to the story. Sometimes, I think that the lyrics in a songfic take away from the flow, but that wasn’t the case this time. The song really fit with everything that Draco was feeling, and added to the fic as a whole. The place where you put the lyrics “My whole world is changing, I don't know where to turn,” fit extremely well!
Great job! :D
Author's Response: Ooh! Thanks Melissa! I\'m glad you liked the fic. Well, I think (if I remember correctly) I started writing the fic because I was really confused about draco, and why he would do all the hard work, and stop at the last moment...So I\'m glad I conveyed what I felt! Thanks again for the review!