*squirms* *yawns widely*

Oh, now that did sound like I was yawning because of the story. I'm sorry, I'm yawning and my eyes hurt because it's almost morning here and I was just going to "take a look" at your story before going to bed. I've been so caught up with it that -argh- my eyes are hurting so much.

*grins*

I'm sorry about the babble. I wanted to leave a word just to let you know that I'm reading and very much enjoying your story. I had been reading this a while ago, and dear, the last time I remember, I was so excited that "Sweet Sixteen" was up. It's been great to read so many great chapters from where I had left.

Thanks for a lovely read that once again made me want to continue reading Marauder Era fics. I'll hopefully keep a closer eye on the story from now on ;)

~kehribar

Author's Response: *grins* *waves at fellow Gryff* I hope you didn\'t lose too much sleep on MoB\'s behalf, but I\'m thrilled to know that you are reading and enjoyed it. I want to do my part to promote the Marauder Era, as it is my favorite of the fandom! I hope you will stick around also! ;) Thank you so much, kehribar. I really appreciate you taking the time to leave me a lovely review.

This is heart-wrenching, you know, the heartbreak the poor boy is going through. I went back and read some previous chapters in order to catch up, and once again fell in love with Remus's parents. I very much like the concept of giving him someone to hold on to - frankly, most of the time, I find the 'Remus Lupin who had been all alone all his life' approach entirely too depressing. ;)



What's happening with Will? I love that character a lot - actually, I think it's your OCs that make MoB such a good read for me. Lindi, after sixty huge chapters (wow!) still is something of a conundrum to me. I don't know what to feel about her, but somehow, you've made everything about that character very reachable, so I always feel symphatetic towards her. Anyway, I really love the way you portrayed the relationship between Will and Dorcas - the way you interweave all these characters really help bring them alive.



Finally, I have to ask this: it's the poster of Lindi at Madam Malkin's that you felt like illustrating, isn't it? Ooh, I'm sure it is! (And if I'm wrong, which part is it, so I can pester you from time to time to do it? :)



And so the wait for the next chapter begins.. :D

Author's Response: Yay...another Will fan. Thank you, Ayse. I do enjoy creating the OC's, so I'm thrilled when I hear they work. It is one of the things I enjoy about writing Marauder Era, aside from the actual Marauders. We have so much freedom, in fact necessity, to write characters to fill in the story, either our own or those we know very little about, like Dorcas. It's just so much fun. And I agree about alone Remus. His life is sad enough without having him orphaned or abandoned by his parents. I love him to much to do that to him.

Ha...the poster...well, actually, that isn't it, but there is an illustration of Lindi from the next chapter that I've wanted to draw for almost 5 years! Yes, I've had part of next chapter plotted in my head and partially on paper since the beginning of the story. :) Actually, the next chapter is one of the very first ones I wrote. I can't believe I've finally reached it 60 chapters later. O.O Of course, I've not even attempted the drawing. *sigh* The illustration from this chapter is the Marauders and Lily and Celia going to the punk club. *pictures Sirius with skinny jeans, fitted short blazer and spiked collar* *Remus with spiked hair* :*) LOL You should do it. You are so much better with that sort of thing. :D And it would take me months to do them all. >.< Still, someday I'd like to illustrate the whole thing. Ha...that would take me another 5+ years. Now, I'll shut up so I can get to that next chapter, so it isn't forever in coming. Thank you for reviewing, Ayse. I really appreciate your comments.

I think this is a very interesting story. I haven't read any stories told from Voldermort's point of view, and this was a nice one to start with. I like how you show the events from the other side; what Voldemort planned, what he thought and how he felt during and in the aftermath of the events.
Though there are a few things that you haven't filled in, and some of them left question marks in my mind. Like, I wonder why James asked him what he had done with Peter. Do you think that Peter's betrayal was a sudden one, because Voldemort says he had come to him the other night? And the ending... actually, it is a bit vague, but I like how you ended it - it is a nice point to finish the story, from where the reader can add his/her own thoughts about what happened afterwards.
All in all, it is a very interesting and nicely written story. Keep on :)

Author's Response: Oh, Ayse, thanks so much for the review. This was my first attempt at a first-person PoV (and Voldemort\'s mind isn\'t the best of places to be, either). I\'m glad you thought it turned out all right.

The way I see the betrayal as happening is a bit sudden. Also, I think James wouldn\'t have thought his friend would willingly give him up. He\'s afraid that Voldemort captured and killed Peter, so the \'betrayal\' bit comes as a bit of a shock.

The ending was left vague on purpose, you\'re right. Whatever idea a reader has on what happened to Voldemort and the other participants that night can all happen with the way I ended it, so it\'s not like it\'s stepping on anyone\'s ideas.

Glad you liked it, and thank you once again for the review.

~Megan

(Now that I re-read my review, that "poke Draco in the head" part seemed a bit weird. Um, I really am not sure if it sounds like an insult or simply sounds rude, but in that case, it is never ever my intend. Please accept my apologies.)

Author's Response: Eh. Draco could use a few pokes in the head. Accepted, of course!

Okay... indeed, your constructive criticism request drew my attention. I'm sorry if you don't find this helpful at all, but it's the dead of the night - or morning - and my eyes are half-closed, so...
Anyway, about your story...
Basically, I really think you're a good writer. You have a very good grasp of the canon characters, but it still isn't easy to demonstrate such an accurate characterization. About that, I applaud you.
Also, I could almost feel Remus' excitement about Hogwarts (especially the desription of the Great Hall is absolutely great) and his nervousness about making friends. The atmosphere is very well demonstrated.
Now, especially for the second chapter, there's a small thing that you may want to look out for. You see, some scenes are cut rather short, and the transition between sentences seems a little abrubt. For example, I felt that the Sorting Feast could be described more intensely. You might not want to put the hat's song, but you could add a few random names in between the Marauders. I think that would help stressing each of their nervousness about the sorting a little more. Another example for my point is their dormitory. They just.. crawl into bed, and... sleep. It seemed a little awkard to me: what did they think about their dormitory? You could describe the room. How did they choose their beds? Overall, what I'm trying to say is, these and a few other points seem to lack enough description in between a deeply constructed atmosphere.
As for this chapter, the only thing I'd suggest would be to change the first sentences of the second pharagraph: we began with Transfiguration and McGonnagal's introduction, and then, suddenly, "It was nearing lunch time, and the three boys had already been to their first three classes at Hogwarts. " I was like "Huh?Whatever heppened to Transfiguration?" Only by the middle of the pharagraph I got that the lesson was just before lunch. Maybe you should add that it wasn't their first class of the day, because I thought so, and the scond phragraph really distracted me.
And a little something else: "kindly show the show the class..." You see, it's repeated twice.
I really hope I helped a little. And I apologize if some of the things I wrote didn't make sense - my still developing English is the one to blame.
I'll be adding this to my favourites so that I can see when you update.

Author's Response: Thank you so much. I\'m so glad you took the time to give me advice. It really brought things to my attention that I hadn\'t noticed before -- which is always a good thing, no matter what. I do have a tendency to rush through my chapters when I write, and, if I took the time, I could include a lot of little things in between that really make the story. Everything you pointed out was very helpful, and in later chapters, I will try to improve! Thank you so much again for reading and especially for reviewing! =D

Hello,

I really loved your story. The language is beautiful and flows easily. What I like most about this story is that it doesn't follow the classical Tonks/Remus story pattern. I like it how you mildly avoid the clichéd ways of R/T romance. The ending is my favourite part - half through the last chapter I was inwardly hoping that they wouldn't just realise that they couldn't do away from each other and run to each other's arms, so to conclude it with a desperate cliché about the happy ending after hopeless situations. So, weird, but I'm happy you didn't end it on a happy note! It makes the story unique.

Thanks for a lovely read!

Author's Response: Thank you so much, and thanks for taking time to leave such a lovely review! I wrote this before reading any R/T fics, so I\'m pretty glad I managed to avoid any cliches. I\'m also glad you liked the ending, \'twas originally going to be their wedding but decided against that at the last minute, thank goodness. Thank you again for this brilliant review!

Hi Leah,

Wow. The moment I started reading, the story gripped me, pulling me into another world. And when I finished, I blinked and let go of a long breath I hadn't realized I had been holding. Your writing is great.

Alia seems to a be a very, very real character. What I'm really interested about is how you made your OC so believable despite some very common characteristics you gave her. She is beautiful, and a fighter against the Dark Lord, a very determined and strong person... yet she confesses her weakness to the reader in such an honest and un-caring manner that I think this is what makes her so realistic. She confesses that she is afraid and that she'd go on thinking herself as a coward if it hadn't been for Charlie. She is afraid, but trying to get away from the war due to her fear makes her feel as if she's acting cowardly, and this portrays a weak character. But her fears and her weaknesses, which, I believe, are firstly her parents, then Charlie, and then every Wizard in the world in danger, are what makes her strong and a true fighter.

I also liked how well you conveyed the atmosphere of war and terror through Alia's narrative.

Still, I felt like this piece is more like a fairy-tale tale than a realistic story. It must be because of the language and style: since this is a letter, written hastily and in rush to tell everything, it is very intense. An absolutely wonderful story would come out of all the information you give in this letter ;)

To conclude, I really liked this story (but it must clear so far!). Wonderful writing! :)


Author's Response: Thank you! I am glad you liked it! Alia just flowed out of me...I never had a problem writing her, she sort of wrote herself. Thank you again!

lol.. sure Jenn, after all, my comment is just as personal as yours - you have a good point, too. Anyway, it's up to Andrea to decide, right? ;)

It certainly is not "utterly rubbish", don't even think of such a thing! It is believeable, indeed. But I think it can be improved. You see, you're attempting to write one of the most emotional and trumatic scenes in HP-verse. I think your fic is really good, but it's really short for such an intense position. At this stage, it looks like the skeleton of your real story. There are lots of thoughts and feelings and emotion that can be filled in between the lines. For example, the beginning is great: Snape breaks into a run, in the shock of understanding his fault. That part's very good, I think. The rest of the story could be "filled in" as such, if you know what I mean.

So, overall, I think it's a very sound and solid foundation on which you can definitely build miracles.

Author's Response: Thank you for your comments :) I know it\'s a bit short but I wasn\'t sure what to write if you know what I mean and sometimes it can be more effective to write less...but I dunno lol thanks

I think this is a very refreshing writing in between all the one-type dark/angsty fics. I really loved your style, mostly because it resembles my own stories I always write in my native language. Focusing on emotions rather than action or narration. That's how I like it, and I think you've aced it.

Unlike kumy, I think your use of italics is a good choice. Maybe it's just me, but I didn't even think about where Ginny is and why all this is happening. The italics and use of first person PoV implicated to me that this is actually a journey through the depths of Ginny's heart. It is simply great.

However, especially some sentences in the first few paragraphs are somewhat unclear and confusing.

"The dog turns and walks away and I follow. I know that I don't want to go where he leads. I know that I want nothing more than to follow."

You use sentence in the beginning of a paragraph, but in the next, there's "I don't stop. I know where I am being led. I don't care about their gossip, lives, or deaths. I just want to get where we are going." Normally, I understand all the contradictions of feelings and emotions, but this one seems a tad confusing and even somewhat unintentional to me. But again, this is just how I felt.

Also, the dog thing looks a bit irrelevant. Explaining the why in responses to reviews only helps individuals. I think you should relate the dog to something or another so that it would fit better in the flow, not leaving question marks in the reader's mind.

To sum up, I think this is a very good fiction, and I congragulate you. If you want to read a more formal version of this reveiw, please drop by the Fiction Junction, Recommend Your Favourite Story Part Deux thread in the forums.

Ayse.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the reviews. The one on fiction Junction was a true honor. As for the confusing parts, they were deliberate. I was trying to convay the desire to hold onto something, even if it is causing us pain. We want to have happiness, yet we cling to misery. It\'s as if we would hold onto a red-hot poker before we would let go and fall into the void. So we swing from poker to poker rather like children playing on the monkey bars instead of embracing the fall. Falling is the only way that we can grow and change. Just as Harry said later in the story, he was always just a possibility. The dog does seem a bit irrelevant. It is a spirit guide for Ginny in her dream. In certian Native American cultures, spirit guides take the shape of animals. I felt that if Ginny were to have one it would be an almost wolf-like dog. One such as White Fang, from the Jack London book of the same name. I tried to make a kinship between her and the dog earlier in the story and didn\'t do much with it. Again, thank you so much for your reviews. I am truly happy that you enjoyed my story.