I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Hermione/Cedric is a rarepair about whom I doubt very many stories have been written - maybe because they barely, if ever, interact in the books - but the way this was written I could've sworn that the pairing was supposed to be Hermione/Cedric all along!

I particularly loved the *way* you wrote the story - the gentle, lilting sentences were almost like a walk in the woods on a clear day themselves, and you wonderfully brought out how the two of them feel like no one truly understands them. Thanks for such an enjoyable experience!

Hey!

Wow, that was absolutely wonderful! I loved it. You did a spectacular job.

[i] Everyone has a different scrutiny of life and judgment. The light only shines on one side. The other side is a dark, mysterious shadow. It is this mystery that blinds you from knowing all that someone has to endure. It is their attitude, in parallel, that covers up pain and raw emotion. Your body is a puppet; the puppeteer is your soul - only your soul is your true self. It can take years, possibly a lifetime to loom someone's soul — to see what their inner battles are, and what they truly have to offer. The way one behaves, their personality, might very well be a glimpse to that soul. But sometimes one’s notions are mere blankets — masks they drape over their true self, to hide what they are so others will perceive something else. [/i]

That first paragraph was amazingly well-written, I think. You summarized Draco's life objectively - without even mentioning him! The part about "only your soul is your true self" was profound. You did a good job there with word choice, I think - the imagery you used with the puppet and the puppeteer was both interesting and original.

You gave the reader a good sense of Draco's curiosity - I definitely wanted to know what was in the middle of the circle, just like Draco.

[i]As small as the boy was, he had managed to sneak through the creak of the massive steel doors of the dungeon. [/i]

I would change a few words in that sentence: first, I would take out the "as,"
I don't think it's needed. Second, shouldn't "creak of" be "crack in"? I didn't understand that part of the sentence at all.

[i]All the figured had come to an abrupt halt — all with their heads hanging inwards the circle.[/i]

It should be "all the figure[i]s[/i]," and I personally would say "hanging towards the inside of the circle," because I don't think you can use "inwards" in that context.

[i]The boy’s inquisitiveness began to rise — higher than he had ever experienced.

Finally, exaggeratedly, a tiny space was brought between the two figures with their backs to the boy — and he could now see what was in the middle of the gathering. His youthful eyes went thick with shock. [/i]

I would say "curiosity" instead of "inquisitiveness" and "a tiny space was created" instead of "brought". Also, the phrase "went thick with shock" doesn't make sense. Shouldn't it be "went wide with shock"?

[i]Right in the centre of the circle there sat a young man upon a grimy, chained chair...The boy stared through now teary eyes[/i]

I would add a comma after circle, and make now-teary hyphenated.

[i]The man sitting on the chair gave a jolt of amusement[/i]

The phrase "jolt of amusement" doesn't make sense in that context - word choice?

[i]The only thing I admit to being foolish towards was not planning my route thoroughly[/i]

Should the phrase be "foolish about"?

[i]Lucius threw the vampire a fierce, loathsome glare before spitting out the words to the curse Draco had never heard[/i]

This is just a nitpick, but shouldn't it be "a curse" since Draco hasn't heard it before?

[i]It played in his mind over and over, never ceasing to give him a moment of understanding[/i]

I think this sentence is pretty ambiguous...do you mean that every time the vision played Draco received a moment of understanding? Or do you mean that the vision kept playing so that Draco never had a moment to understand what had happened? If you mean the second, I would reword the sentence to, [i]It played in his mind unceasingly, never stopping to give him a moment of understanding.[/i]

I don't understand why Lucius got so angry with Draco? What was so foolish about Draco being curious? If you mean that Lucius got mad about Draco not following his instructions, then you need to clarify.

Overall, I think the storey was really good! I liked your characterizations - child!Draco, angry!Lucius, and disdainful!Dorian were all done very well. Good job!

I only have one word for this fic - WOW! It was exquisitely beautiful in its writing, and the characterization of Ginny Weasley (who, incidentally, you did an amazing job of showing in the Prologue even though we never see her - she seemed to somehow be alive and part of the conversation there) was excellent. The metaphor of the sculpture at the end was as touching as it is possible to get, and Edward Mason's speech made me cry. Everything he says is so true - if the wizarding world would open itself up to the Muggle world, think of all the wonderful things that could be done! (I know you *have* already thought about this, but it was a rhetorical statement, haha.) It's really rather surprising how many ramifications the way JKR set up the Harry Potter world has for the Muggle one.

In any case, this is a fic I stumbled upon when randomly browsing through the Beta Boards, and I am so glad I did! Amazing job, and I can't wait to read your other stories.

This one-shot was simply beautiful. Every sentence you wrote was like getting a glimpse into two minds at once - Neville's as well as Alice's. It was a great reminder of the fact that Alice Longbottom is not limited to only the character we see in the HP books itself but also a woman with a past that is open to re-imagining. And you imagined it extremely well. Thanks for writing such a great story - it gave me a lot to think about. I especially liked the way you threw in lines about the flowers that Alice planted into the story. The continuation of the metaphor was excellent, and the description of how Neville still brings her violets at the end was heartbreakingly sad. I've never read a fic that distills the essence of lost potential so well as this one!

Hey!

I adored the first chapter of this story (which is how far I’ve gotten!). I can’t wait to read more – you’ve clearly thought a lot about this story, and it’s evident from the start of the very first chapter.

I really liked how the chapter started: Ron Weasley limped slowly down the corridor. Because I chose to read this story after looking at the summary and finding it interesting, I thought that the first person to be featured in this story would obviously be Hermione. It was a pleasant surprise to see that Ron was the first character mentioned – it’s a neat way to begin that suggests that the rest of the story will be just as unexpected.

But despite the increased wizard power…well Ron hadn’t felt particularly optimistic in some time now. This sentence sounded somewhat awkward to me. I think it would have read better as a single flowing sentence, like so: “But, despite the increased wizard power, Ron hadn’t felt particularly optimistic in some time now.” The way it’s currently written made the readability of the sentence suffer a little, I think.

On the bright side, I really liked your characterization of Luna. I can see her being exactly the sort of person you describe – the only person who seems to have been rather untouched by all the violence that’s been going on around her – maybe because of her ability to lose herself in her own world rather than stay as alert as everyone else seems to be. Yet, I think she also has a certain ability to see things that others miss – and maybe take exactly the sort of chances that Ron, Hermione, and everyone else is taking in this story to try to reach out to someone else who might be able to help them.

Distrust of old magic, of blood magic, practically flowed through his veins. Hermione’s spell was borderline Dark. I enjoyed reading your interpretation of the finding-another-world spell (I couldn’t think of another word for it!). In any case, I loved the way you threw some humor in there, too – especially the part where you mention Flitwick looking like he wanted to say something like “10 points to Gryffindor!” – it shows that all the members of the Order still have some hope that they might be able to persist in their resistance of Lord Voldemort. It also lightened the scene a little and showed how nostalgic the members of the Order probably feel at the thought of being back at Hogwarts.

T here was a man crouched in the center of the scorched pentagram. Oh, they’re *summoning* someone? I thought they were planning on going somewhere else – if not escaping, then at least researching as to how they might possibly conquer Voldemort. I’m not quite sure how I got that idea, but for some reason the revelation that someone else was there really surprised me. Maybe you could make it a little clearer as to what they’re trying to do earlier in the chapter? I mean, I know you’re trying to keep the suspense – and it certainly is very suspenseful – but it would make the entire thing a little easier to understand.

Also, I would’ve appreciated a little bit more background in the beginning – although you hint at some ideas of how the world has changed since Voldemort has risen to power, I didn’t really see any explanation as to what had happened in the years since the last battle. If not a paragraph-long explanation, maybe you could just add in a sentence or two about the whole scenario? Especially with the reference to the raid on Azkaban, I would’ve loved to hear more about it.

Finally, some grammar nitpicks: He made a point of not getting too close to anyone, he’d lost too many people and not just to death either should read “He made a point of not getting too close to anyone; he’d lost too many people, and not just to death, either.” He could see Charlie slumped over sleeping should have a comma after over. Of course she wasn’t a student anymore, and he wasn’t a teacher but it’s the thought that counts should have a comma after ‘course’ and ‘teacher.’

All of the little critiques I mentioned, though, don’t take away from the fact that this was an absolutely amazing chapter to read. It was smartly written, well-thought-out, extremely descriptive – and, most importantly, I desperately wanted to click the “Next” button when I was done :) Thanks for an amazing reading experience!

Apurva.

Hey!

I loved this fic! It was a pleasure to read because I'm a big fan of Next-Gen fics myself, especially Scorpius/Rose, which seems to have become fanon in a way JKR probably never expected. In the middle of all those stories, though, this one definitely stands alone as a classic - I see it recommended all the time on the Beta Boards, and I would say that people who don't have an understanding of Scorpius/Rose could do a lot worse than to start here. Your characterization of both of them is perfectly on point - I felt like I could see flashes of their parents shining through every once in while. I was a little confused by the ending, but I read it a second time and I could see that it was probably the best way to finish things off (here, at least!). All in all, a story I would not mind reading again at all - thanks so much for writing!

Apurva.

Author's Response:

Hi Apurva!

Thank you so much for saying you'd read the story again--that's the best compliment! :)  I've written Draco/Ginny and I know many readers have shipped that or Draco/Hermione, so while I definitely wanted Scorpius to be Slytherin, I didn't want him (or Rose) to be an identical chip off the old block.  I wanted them to be their own persons, so it means a lot that you just saw flashes of their parents.

I wish I could write a 24 chapter sequel, but I can't and finish original work, too, so I'll have to get my Scorose fix in one shots, and I hope you'll enjoy them too! 

First of all, I just wanted to say it was an absolute pleasure to read this one-shot. The whole complicated relationship between Regulus and Sirius was so wonderfully explored.

I especially liked the way you began the story. It quickly drew me in, and I found myself experiencing the same vague surprise that Regulus seems to be feeling: why isn’t there more of a fuss? Why isn’t everything…louder? Your first paragraph conveyed such a lovely range of feelings: guilt, surprise, and regret. You manage to describe the opening scene with negatives ( your parents don’t march down the stairs with matching expressions of disdain, for example) rather than actual description, which made it unique for me as a reader.

And when you think of that night, of everything you have been trying to hide underneath that Black sneer and those haughty words, it’s damn near impossible to convince yourself that it’s anything other than your fault. This sentence, more than anything else in the one-shot, crystallized for me the way you characterized Regulus: a little insecure and a little weak (although he’s brave enough to go after Voldemort on his own later). Most of all, Regulus seems to be the kind of little brother who totally looks up to his older one, although he’s also obliged to follow his family. The helplessness that Regulus is feeling due to being pulled in different directions came through in this sentence for me.

I’m sure they’ll be happy to have me gone so they can dote on their favourite son without any sort of distraction. Ah, do I see a little bit of envy/insecurity in Sirius here? I’m not entirely sure whether you meant to make this sound as if Sirius meant the phrase “favorite son” as an insult or not, but somehow I could imagine him thinking a lot about his own relationship with his family in this moment of cutting off ties forever.

I loved the last line! The way you manage to convey so much about the way Sirius might have had a hope that Regulus at least would take his side when the rest of his family hadn’t (and, even worse, that he didn’t know that might not have been such a false hope) in one sentence is amazing. All in all, thanks for writing such an amazing story – your characterization and dialogue descriptions were excellent and, like I said, it was a pleasure to read.

Hey!

Since I’m the first to review, I’ll try and leave you a nice long one :) Overall, I thought the one-shot was great. You characterized James’ hopelessness very well – after all, it must really suck to be rejected so many times! – and the pain that he was feeling really came through for me. Here is how my day goes. The way you started your one-shot really emphasized the repetitive hurt that James is feeling. You did a good job of showing the way he thinks about her all the time and how it hurts him just as much as the first time whenever Lily rejects him.

Also, I loved the use of the song in the story. It fits the theme perfectly, and you used the song sparingly without trying to fit in song lyrics in multiple places throughout the story where they might not really fit. Many songfics tend to err on the side of too much repetition, and you carefully avoided doing that. The plot, of course, is known from canon, but I liked that you focused on their earlier experiences alone rather than their final love story.

I wasn’t too sure of the ending of the one-shot, though – it was great that you ended it on a negative note, as so few Lily/James stories ever do – but it seemed rather strange that James would suddenly switch from being obsessed with Lily to deciding to forget her completely. Maybe you could’ve shown the change more gradually? I must say I wasn’t expecting your ending, though – I was expecting something more along the lines of “Lily decided to give him a chance” – so the way you added a twist at the end was great.

Finally, there were very few grammar mistakes in your story! Awesome work in that arena. You suggested writing a sequel to this one-shot; go for it! I think it would be great to see how Lily finally decides to take a chance on James Potter, and their love story would be quite perfect to write, I think. Just a general question: what inspired you to write this one-shot? Did you hear Over and Over and suddenly think about how it might pertain to James/Lily, or was this an idea that had been stewing for quite some time? I’m just curious :) In any case, thanks for a great reading experience!

Apurva.

Author's Response: Oh my gosh thank you for this long review! Three Days Grace is my favorite band and I listened to this song and I thought that it would go great with a story. There's other songs from them that I'm going to make a story out of too, so they should be coming soon... My sequel is going to be different that what you are expecting probably but it will go into more detail with the ending of this one. Thanks again for the review. I really loved it.

Hey!

What a great plot bunny! This was a great idea to choose to write about, and you certainly did it well!

I particularly liked your writing style throughout – I almost felt like I could hear Luna speaking. The way you made her speak in short, straight-forward sentences was completely in character for me, and you certainly did an excellent job there. She sometimes seemed a little…sharp for me, though. I mean, Luna just seems so nice in the books that I was sometimes surprised by the way she was reacting to Draco’s remarks. For example, here: "If you can get it off the ground first," I snickered. I thought that was quite harsh – by Luna standards, anyway :)

The interaction between Draco and Luna was very cute – they’re not much written about together, but it was a very interesting friendship. I also liked the way you wove in the fact that all of this happens before either of them ever go to Hogwarts – there was an innocence about the beginning part of this story that was very enjoyable. I think you made Luna a little more competitive than she seems to be in the books, though: We were also extremely competitive with each other. We would play wizard's chess and gobstones all day, yelling until we were hoarse. I couldn’t imagine Luna yelling about anything! She’s a strong character, but I think she might be a little more docile than you made her out to be.

Your characterization of Draco was great, though, all round. You did an amazing job of letting both the childish and the controlled part of Draco shine through the story. The way he rants on about Harry Potter and the way he also talks about his birthday were very well-written, and showed a lot about his character. They’re only kids, after all.

And, lastly, a few little grammar nitpicks:

Then there was a boy who you could only assume was their son, because his appearance was a strict, mirror image of the two adults. I would’ve preferred “who I could only assume” instead of “who you could only assume.” For some reason, the use of the word “you” threw me off a little, because you use “I” throughout the rest of the paragraph. Eventually he noticed me standing there, watching him. He must've found it odd, because he stopped flying (or at least the attempt). Maybe you could’ve reworded the last part to “because he stopped flying – or, at least, attempting to.” The way it currently is sounded a little awkward to me. "Obviously, if he defeated the greatest wizard of all time, he must be a freak." he stated, matter-of-factly. There should be a comma after freak, not a period.

In any case, it was great to read this one-shot, and I definitely hope you write more!

Apurva.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the great review! I really appreciate it. I'll definately try to fix my mistakes. I'm glad you pointed them out. Thanks again!

Hey!

What a great one-shot! Your idea of trying to describe the way Draco might have felt after his family name had been ruined was unique, and you did a spectacular job of making this plot bunny come to life!

I really liked the way you made this a songfic – the lyrics really suited what I imagined Draco’s mood to be, and you did a great job of weaving them in throughout the story. I would’ve rather liked the interspersed lines to be shorter, though – maybe you could’ve chosen two or three lines that fit best and put them in? If they’re any longer than that, they might disrupt the story a bit more than you want. Just a suggestion!

Your imagery was excellent throughout the story. I felt like I could really see the rainclouds and moors you were describing. You also did a great job of showing the way Draco felt at the beginning – a sort of hopeless despair at the way his life turned out permeated his every action, and I could really empathize with him. One thing I didn’t notice, though, was any sense of Draco blaming himself for what happened – does he really not see that he was at least somewhat responsible for the things he did? I mean, obviously he was forced to do them, but still. I saw more of this change at the end, when he probably realizes that he doesn’t have to do whatever anyone tells him, and that he, and he alone, is in charge of his life.

A few grammar nitpicks:

The sun had moved to hide behind a wall of bright white clouds but the air was still warm around him. There should be a comma after clouds. When he landed on the ground he heard a loud ripping noise and looked down to see that he hadn't been quite as articulate as he had thought. The word “articulate” threw me off here – you probably wanted to say “agile.” Articulate is only for speech, I think.

In any case, this was a lovely little one-shot that was a pleasure to read. The way you ended on a positive note was very inspiring. I can’t wait to read more of your writing!

Apurva.