About me: Um, nothing much to say, I'm your typical 16-year old brunette from the States. My name is Marie...I like to write, vaguely depressed... There's really not much to say about that. Though if you would be kind enough to review my stories I would appreciate it greatly. I am also a proud member of both Gryffindor and SPEW on the beta forums. Oh and I do some beta-ing too. If you want to contact me, just click the handy little link thing that says Contact and I'll get it, eventually...
Oh! And I do post my stories on other sites. I have the same name on fanfiction.net, but that account has been rather abandoned because I don't get any reviews. And on HPFF I have the account under the name Avada Kedavra.
Story Updates
A Muggle in Hogwarts:Chapter 11 submitted (finally!) it's quite short, a little over 1,000 words. Sorry, but adding more scenes to that chapter felt wrong. I'm 1,000 words into Chapter 12 (The Aftermath) and that will be submitted after Chapter 11.
Les Malefices D'esprit: Chapter 5 got accepted, working out the basics on Chapter 6...
I'm truly sorry to the readers of my chapter fics. I finally did do an update, but was it in one of those? No, it was some one-shot about Umbridge. *Headdesk* I'm sort of in a writer's block and I greatly apologize, plus I'm under some minor stress to find a job (me and my excuses) AND I have summer biology to take (so I can take AP Bio next year), not to mention practising for my driver's liscense (ah, to be 16) so I am somewhat weighed down. I hope you can bear with me, and the fact that these fics may not be updated for another month...
I like the basic premise for this story. Your characters seem pretty realistic, I like how Erin is always pinching her nose to calm down, it's a nice touch. But I think Draco is a little OOC, it would be a lot of help if you could explain exactly WHY he is now an Auror and not a Death Eater. Besides, won't the Death Eaters notice Harry and Malfoy? They are rather well-known. It's very good though, I give the story a 9/10.
Author's Response: I've touched upon that a bit in either chapter two or three, but I'll explain the background to it all right now. Lucius was killed when the Ministry was informed that he was leaking information over to the dark side, and Draco has been living with that burden ever since. He bacame an Auror to show the world that the name Malfoy was still honorable in the Wizarding world. As for the Death Eaters not noticing Harry and Draco, the two will be in disguise. Eg. Harry will always be wearing a thick travelling cloak, to blend in with the other wizards where he will be postitioned.
Haha, I laugh at the whole idea. Especially Draco's "I'll get you, sexy, gorgeous girl if it's the last thing I do." Or something like that. And I greatly enjoyed how all the characters were rejecting Cal Pue because of his perfect-ness. And the whole bit about the author modeling "Callam" after himself. Though I'm afraid you gave him a near human characteristic when you had him trip on his shoelaces as he went out the door. Still, I want to warn to be careful, the whole "Mary Sue" joke can get old after awhile, including a bit of plot would help. Like what is the big danger going to be that makes "Cal Pue" the hero?
I love the cynisism. Very excellent, I also loved the part about Fiji. This was pretty good!
First off, I really liked how you started the story off, with Lupin writing letters to avoid his eviction. I found them especially humorous, but my favorite was: I think it is most unfortunate that in times such as these, you remain as coldhearted as you are dense. May misfortune befall your house. That one just made me laugh because I have written similar sarcastic replies, though usually in the face of homework, not eviction letters. J
I also really liked the character of Marie Peabody (no, not just because of her name). But I was unclear as to whom she actually was. Was she his neighbor? Friend? Co-worker? A member of the Order? She knew a great deal of private information about the Fidelius charm and such. That detail was a bit hazy. Though she was a rather pleasant and amusing OC.
I also think you did a fantastic job of portraying Remus’s grief. I hadn’t really contemplated that situation, but he really DID lose everything that day. You did a marvelous job of giving Remus the appearance of being so bereft, without any friends, and no one to turn to. It is ironic that on a day that everyone is celebrating, he should be feeling so much grief.
Author's Response: Mrs Peabody is an interesting character... She is in a position to know a lot and she's a lot more shrewd than she appears here. ;) Thank you for your compliments about the story! It's greatly appreciated.
It was very good. Very interesting. But Rookwood is a Death Eater, he was one who broke out of Azkaban, I believe. But the story idea is interesting, I hope you'll tell us how they find Muggle students to bring to Hogwarts, maybe that's how she slipped through the cracks. You have a great start here! I can't wait to read more!
Author's Response: Yes, sorry about that. I'm just going to have to invent a new name, even though I don't like that...
Wow. I'm impressed. That was really very good. Though I may protest that Little Whinging belongs to the British and not just JKRowling. ;-) Your writing style was very smooth and made for a quick, enjoyable read. Their conversation (Harry&Marla) seemed rather abrupt though. I was kind of hoping for more. Oh well, Harry isn't exactly a luquacious (vocab word) person. I also must say that I thought the blank business card at the end was a nice touch.
Author's Response: You're impressed? I'm flattered. Little Whinging isn't real, Marie. Otherwise it would belong to Britain and the British.... Luquacious? I have no idea what that word means....*looks it up online* Oh, you meant locquacious....I still have no idea what it means. *continues to search online* OH, no, Harry isn't exactly wordy, that's Hermione. :)
Oh poor Hermione! She justs keeps embedding herself deeper into her problem. I really enjoyed this piece a lot. My favorite line was: One of them an international star The first to champion my heart. Because the use of the word "champion" made me chuckle.
Though I noticed that you titled the poem Hermione's Delimma in the passage. It's actually spelled Dilemma, I think. Overall, this was a fantastic poem though. I think you did a fantastic job!
Author's Response: Thanks for pointing out the mistake. I corrected it right away. Yeah, the use of the word champion was completely intention there. I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for the review.
This story was very well written. I loved the way you used poetry to express Regulus's feelings. I think you proved your point about poetry being more powerful easily. Several times with the dialogue (James and Sirius) I had a little trouble understanding who was saying what. But other than that, it was grand! I like the idea that maybe Regulus wasn't just the coward Sirius made him out to be. And I thought there was an interesting twist with the Sirius/Lily relationship, though I'm not sure I really like it.
Author's Response: Thanks ^_^ Really nice of you to say so. The Sirius/Lily *L* .. I just wanted to give Sirius and James a bit of an issue between them -- The Snape incident just seemed more of a Remus/Sirius issue. Got the idea from an old movie "Chances Are" where the best friend treated the child like his own not only due to his love for his late friend but also the mother of the child. ^_^ Although I can't imagine Lily being with anyone else ^_^
Ooh, this poem was good. I think you accurately captured what a dementor is. Dead in life. The part that stuck out to me most was "falsely given life". I think it really does sum up what a dementor is, a specter floating through the world and striving to find life. Great job!
Wow. All these poems were amazing. I especially enjoyed the second one though. I don't think I even needed an explanation for that one. It was very well written and the words were perfect. I'm humbled, I don't think my poem has any chance in this challenge.
I did notice one typo. At least, I think I did. You wrote "defence" in your first poem (Snape/Maeve) and I believe it is spelled "defense". However, I've seen that same spelling for it in another fic, so I'm starting to wonder if the "s" is just an American way of spelling.
These poems were magnificent overall. You did a really good job of making each one unique, even though in the first two, they had the same subject. But they were completely different.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Marie! Yes, defence is the British spelling and defense the American. There are quite a few of those little spelling differences around. :-) Glad you liked them...now I'm just waiting for Vader's next challenge...it was fun, wasn't it!
Well I thought it was absolutely darling (okay, it's a weird word choice...). I can see the Marauders singing it too poor little Snivellus in the halls. Or under their breath during classes just to to mess up his concentration. I really do think you captured the essence of the Maurauders in that ode. I believe my favorite line was the one with "Knock you off your chair" though it seemed to be elongated just a little to rhyme. But I've done that as well. Good luck in the challenge!
~Fellow contestant,
Marie
Author's Response: Thanks! And good luck to you to!
I really enjoy this story. I love Tonks and I think you did a very good job of portraying her. Tripping up to the Sorting Hat and back, and I think it was an excellent idea to pair her up with Ninette. I also liked the idea of a mirror coaching her in her practice as a Metamorphagus. My one stickling point is: Are Metamorphagii born with the instant ability to transform completely, or do they slowly develop it? Maybe in future chapters you could highlight that Tonks is only able to successfuly transform her face? I think that would add a helpful twist.
Ninette is an unusual character, it's sad that her life was so controlled by her aunt. I like how you are attempting to blend dancing with the magical world. I don't suppose there are any ritualistic dances in magic? (Have you read The Circle Opens by Tamora Pierce? In the first book, there is a character who can dance magic to keep people stuck in the air, etc.) It would be very interesting to see how a witch can use dancing to help with her magic.
I didn't notice any grammar errors, then again, I'm not the best with grammar. All in all I think it was very well written, and very original! I cannot wait for the next chapter to be posted!
Author's Response: Thanks so much, d3pr3ss3dNhappy (that's a very long name! how do you remember it?)! I seem to start all my responses with that, but I mean it every time - you have no idea how grateful I am for such wonderful reviewers!
I really enjoyed writing the mirror scene, so I'm glad you liked it. As for developing her ability over time, I think we have no way of knowing. I'm not sure this came across well enough, but I was trying to make a point that Tonks doesn't have complete control over her own features - she can visualize something she can't necessarily do, and she may have trouble getting her features to look as she wants them to. As for the rest of the body, I'm not sure how far Metamorphagii can go to change that; extreme ability in this area could lead to some strange predicaments which I think I'd rather avoid. However, I think they can change it to some degree (though I definitely agree, this should come with time), because in the fifth book we are told that Tonks is disguised as a tall, tweedy looking woman.
I haven't really thought about using dance for magic. I'm trying really hard to keep my story fairly constant with what JKR has already introduced - mainly because for plot reasons I've already had to introduce so many new things (dancing, first of all, and a second big thing you will run into in chapter five), and I'm afraid of overdoing it.
Thanks again for the review - I'll definitely cogitate (great word, that) over the abilities of Metamormagii - maybe I'll start a thread seeing what other people think over on the help forums, for more ideas. Thanks again!
Ugh, silly site. Took me a while to get on to actually review your story! I read both chapters very quickly, and I must say, i'm looking forward to many more updates! This was wonderfully written and the child Albus is very endearing. I'm very glad you included the bit about steam engines being new to that time period. And you managed to spice it up a bit! Hogwarts first train ride is intercepted by a Welsh Green! (And they're native to England, I don't if you did that on purpose or it was just a coincidence.)
And the families, it is very intriguing to see the Snapes portrayed as royalty. They seem to have fallen far indeed. The similarity of "Drago" and "Draco" seemed rather close, but they have such diverse personalities that I don't mind how close their names sound alike. In fact, I am really intrigued by Drago. I like how you went out of the ordinary cliche world of fandom and did NOT put him in Slytherin! Bravo! I also like the characters of Thomas Potter and Byron Ollivander (am I correct in guessing that he will turn into Old Mr. Ollivander at the wand store? If so, perhaps in your next chapters you should include a bit about his superior memory. Maybe to help get them out of a tight spot?)
I also didn't notice any spelling or grammar errors. Fantastic job on your part! I am very eager to read the updates!
Author's Response: Thanks for your review! I love getting really long ones like this, it's nice to have intelligent opinions on my stories.
As for the "Drago" thing, it is just short for "Dragomir" which is quite a mouthful. Dragomir is a Bulgarian name, actually (I get a lot of names from this awesome site called Behind the Name, it's really helpful if you're looking for a name that describes a certain trait in a character. Dragomir means "precious and peaceful").
Ollivander's exceptional memory will come up in future chapters, I'm still trying to think up some more trouble for Albus and his friends to get into! This story is taking quite a bit longer than I expected to write, it's hard to stay in-character and within the time period as well, and the log-in issues are driving me utterly mad. If they aren't fixed soon, I may just toss my computer out the window into the dumpster, then run down the street screaming.
Lovely bit of work, Em. I really think you did a good job of capturing Neville. Poor kid, always on Snape's bad side. Showing his thoughts was a nice touch, as he really doesn't talk much.
Though I really don't think that this one-shot was OOC as you gave perfectly reasonable explanations as to why Snape was acting so...odd. (I know that if some random potion had spilled into my firewhiskey (not that I drink) I would be acting out of character as well.) And I must say Snape's comments were amusing. I wonder what kind of potion spilled into his drink?
Malfoy was perhaps a bit off as I don't think he really follows Harry around hoping to get him in trouble. Then again, I am a Malfoy fan so I might just be trying to see him in a better light. But I think there could have been another excuse as to why he was in Snape's office, such as he wanted to get permission for the Quidditch field (perhaps from under the Gryffindors' noses) or some other Slytherin related thing.
Towards the end, I found myself unable to control my sniggers as Neville ranted on and on to a progressively more sane Snape. Especially how you provided clues that Snape was becoming more normal through his eyes becoming clearer and such. But the cherry that topped it all off was Snape's last words: "I said, not ALL cows wear bells" or something to that degree. Bravo!
Author's Response: Thank you Marie! I'm so glad you liked it. I was wuite nervous about writing a humor fic since I've never written anything like this. :)
Hooray! The sequel to HPDL has arrived! I must say that so far you are doing an excellent job! I thought that the way you blended HBP into your already existing plotline was smooth and well-planned. Though I will be interested to hear whether or not Snape’s father was a muggle or not, as he is in canon. And if he uses his nickname, Half Blood Prince.
Maeve’s reluctance to believe that Snape had killed Dumbledore was done wonderfully. And you’ve touched upon a point I’ve been wondering about myself, did Dumbledore want Snape to kill him?
The grammar was excellent for the most part, I did notice one troubling sentence: “this is were Severus will come back to.” I believe it should be “where”. “Come back to” sounds a bit odd to me, perhaps it would have been better to say “return to”?
Overall it was amazing, I am anxious for an update and to hear Snape’s side of the story as well as what he plans to do with Draco and Narcissa. Perhaps help them retreat into hiding as Dumbledore had promised?
Author's Response: I'm having to cherry-pick what I want from HBP, so some things will be here and some things won't be. I'm probably not going to use the book..because it won't achieve much. I'm currently working through chapter three and working out how to condense Harry's knowledge of the Horcruxes and Voldemort into three weeks of the summer holidays! I'll go and take a look at that troublesome sentence now... and I've just submitted chpater two so you won't have to wait long for the update! Thanks for reviewing, Marie. :-)