10/23/06
I am no longer an author on Mugglenet Fan Fiction. But please enjoy the stories I wrote a year or so ago anyhow! Thank you to everyone who wrote meaningful, wonderful reviews and supported my writing. If you wish to contact me, please do so by email, at lindsey.bell@rocketmail.com. Thank you.
My name is Lindsey, with the penname of Ron x Hermione on both here and the forums. I am a member of the Hufflepuff house and support my house with the utmost respect and endeavour, always going out of my way when possible to receive extra points. This would be one of the reason I have such an extensive library of stories, because most of them are challenge fictions. Some have even won a few awards. For example, Pain Doesn't Cost a Thing won first place in the Summer Challenge in 2007, Unexpected Gifts won second place in a challenge near Christmas 2006, Sacking that Silvery Man . . . won third place in the 'Dolores Umbridge Challenge' in the Spring-Summer of 2007, The Depths of a Darkened Mind won third place in the Gauntlet of Summer 2007, and I'm thinking that that is it. I had taken leave from about August 2007 to October-ish, but I found that I couldn't stay away from here for that long. I hope that my writing has improved at least a bit since last writing a story, and I hope that you, the possible reader, enjoys what you read.
Drop-dead-gorgeous banner by KC/sayiansirius! Go Hufflepuffs!
I am officially in SPEW! (The Society for the Proper Evaluation of Writers.) *coughs or Society for the Protection and Expansion of Weirdness coughs* But I now have a straitjacket! *tries to wave but can't due to restraint*
I now am even in the Susan Bones Book Club, where we analyse different brilliant stories on the forums. It's amazing there. Cute Banner by Noldo.
And though I have blatantly yet to go on a poetry spree of writing, I am in Poetry Anyone, a great little club where poets come together to share their views and thoughts on the metre of a poem. :) Amazing banner by the lovely suzie/crazy_purple_hp_freak!
NEW UPDATE
January 30th, 2008:
The last update I kind of lied a bit. I'm sorry about that. It turned out that while soccer winded down, drama and schoolwork didn't, keeping me away for longer. Now I have a few hours on the computer every once in a while and found that I couldn't stay away from some of the challenges. I just had a new story published Everlasting Friendship and a Green Baseball Cap if it is of any interest to you, dear reader. -grins- I do hope that I continue to write stories and someone continues to read them. Thanks very much for all of the continuous support through reviews and emails. I love you all.
~Lindsey :)
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My Favorites:
Books: Harry Potter 1-SEVEN, Where Willows Grow, Rose for Melinda, The Giver, Gathering Blue, The Messenger, Prayer for Owen Meany, Charlotte’s Web, Bridge to Terabithia, Shiloh, Where the Red Fern Grows, Summer of the Monkeys, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Man on Fire, Anthem, A Rip in Heaven, The Stand, Crank, and Night.
Movies: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Saw 1 and 2 and 3, Domestic Disturbance, Armageddon, Tristan and Isolde, Simon Birch, The Sixth Sense, My Girl, Where the Red Fern Grows, Day After Tomorrow, Holes, Red Eye, Moulin Rouge, The Outsiders, Flight of the Phoenix, High School Musical 2, Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, Ladder 49, National Treasure, For the Love of a Child, Click, House of D, Mean Creek, Wild Hogs, Blades of Glory, Disturbia, Spiderman 3, Hairpsray! (the newer version), The Stand (mini series) and Across the Universe (though I was utterly disappointed), but the music was amazing.
TV: My stimulus for Mondays is 'Heroes', where the weekly glimpse of Milo Ventimiglia keeps me going; on Tuesdays I watch 'The Biggest Loser' if I don't have a soccer game; I watch 'Kid Nation, 'Private Practice, and 'CSI: New York'; and on Thursdays I watch 'Grey's Anatomy'. Yes, I have a nice schedule going on.
Music: I have recently become a raging addict for Cartel. Will Pugh is just . . . So amazing. I also really like Jim Sturgess, Joe Anderson, and Evan Rachel Wood off the Across the Universe movie and soundtrack, I found an old Backstreet Boys CD and have found a newfound love again for them, Family Force 5, John Mayer, Josh Groban, Kelly Clarkson, and all of the cast of High School Musical 2 with the exception of Vanessa Hudgens.
Favorite Actors and Actresses: Rupert Grint, Jake Gylenhaal, William Moseley, Nicolas Cage, Ewan McGregor, Joseph Mazzello, Leonardo DiCaprio, David Duchovny, Jim Sturgess, Dakota Fanning, Dennis Quaid, Hayden Panettierre, Milo Ventimiglia, Gary Sinise, and Shia Labeouf.
Pretty much amazing banner by KC/sayiansirius for His Poison!
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All I Have by some_kinda_superstar
Rated: Professors •Summary: All she wanted was love. What she got was betrayal and a broken heart...
Date: 04/07/07 Title: Chapter 1: All I Have
Aw, this was a very depressing one-shot, but you've got the emotions down wonderfully. Very sad and compelling.
When you first described the relationship of James and Althea, and I was like, "Oh, good. Not another Lily and James fiction." Even though James ended up with Lily in the end, it was still horrible how Althea got used in this way.
Afterwards, I lay there with him, and he held me for a time. When the bell rang for class, I thought he would ignore it I thought he would stay with me. I was wrong.
Oh, no. Aw, once again, you've got the perfect chilling twist in this story to make James AWFUL. I absolutely detest him right now that you're written him so perfectly in this story. I know that James is acting a bit OOC, because I can't see him actually being that mean to the poor girl, but you know what I mean.
His arm was draped nonchalantly around her shoulder. When he saw me watching, he gave me a cold smile, and a curt nod. Then he turned back to the other girl, as though nothing had happened.
Oh, gosh. How hurtful that would be to a young girl who had no other friends . . . You see this all the time in real life, but I would have never have thought to see it in James. He probably knew all of this before they 'did it' as well, didn't he? He is just horrid . . .
Picking up a razor, I slashed violently at my wrist. The pain jolted me back to consciousness. It gave me a sort of relief, to know that at least I was capable of feeling pain.
Whilst this is an instinctual thing that a person would do in real life sometimes (you don't really specify), it seems as if this is the first time that Althea in actually cutting herself to rid the pain away. I highly doubt that, if something like this happened to someone, that they would automatically have the instinct to resort to cutting herself because of this. I can't see something as bad as suicide, but I can see a horrid fit of crying, throwing things . . . etc, etc.
By the way, does someone notice the slashes and cuts?
Now, James and Lily are happily married. They have a newborn son called Harry. They live in a beautiful house in Godric’s Hollow. James is one of the Ministry’s top Aurors, and they are very rich. They have everything I ever wanted.
Well, it's good to know, canon-ly, and in you're story, that he settled down. In your story, at least, he stops victimising young girls. That is absolutely awful . . can you imagine? I do hope that you aren't writing this from personal experience.
I live alone in a tiny, dinghy flat in London. I work as a sales clerk in the Apothecary to scrape a living. I have no family, no friends, no life. Whenever things get too much to handle, I hurt myself to find relief. It’s out of control and I can’t stop.
Hmm . . . Even though it's an OC, I can't see her 'cutting' herself to get rid of the pain. Although it's what you may see a lot with a person in this type of situation, cutting is kind of going a little far. Especially the way you've described it. It's truly scary.
Very deep and emotional fiction. Great work.
~Lindsey :)
Author's Response: Wow...I really don\'t know what to say. Thank you for such an amazingly helpful, detailed review!
In response to your question, Althea did keep her self-harm covered up pretty well. But inevitably, I suppose some people must have noticed. To be honest, I never gave that aspect of things much thought.
Now is probably a horrible time to be responding to this review, as I\'ve got a headache and I\'m pretty much braindead after the test I sat today. But I just wanted to say thank you so much for reviewing! I\'ll take all your opinions on board, they\'re really helpful. Thanks once more. :)
Transparent by Argelfraster
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: A few years after Hogwarts is closed down, Moaning Myrtle is moping around in the bathroom when she has an unexpected visitor... Myrtle/Cedric pairing.
Date: 02/27/07 Title: Chapter 1: Cedric Haunts
I think that you have a very interesting plot going on here.
Myrtle commenting on Cedric's chest is priceless. It made me laugh! *giggles still*
Great job! I really like it so far!
~Lindsey :)
If You Walk Out of that Door by qwerty83
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: ----
She shouts.... He storms off.... He realises it's a mistake and returns - will she still be waiting for him?
Date: 02/13/07 Title: Chapter 1: If You Walk Out of that Door
That was really good! Great writing technique you have going on. I loved your description and even though you didn't describe the setting, it was still awesome. I pictured it perfectly. Great job!
~Lindsey :)
Author's Response: I\'m so glad you liked it!
A Death Eater's Bedtime Story by Sly Severus
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: A father tells his young son a familar story. A story that has become the boy's favorite. It is the story of the Dark Lord and the evil Harry Potter.
Date: 07/10/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Elle, amazing work. The thing that drew me to this story out of your amazing list was this summary--- when you said evil Harry Potter, it just seemed interesting.
“It’s not a good story, my son. We lost.”
“But he’ll be back, and next time, we’ll win.”
I love this. I like how you tell the story while the characters are speaking--- it's a very good start to the story, and I adore it. I admire how you allowed the Death Eater to tell the story; even though they lost, I like how you still took the bold move to allow a 'dark' side to tell the story. Also, the way you've created your own final battle/ending to what really happened to the Dark Lord and Harry all those years ago. Very good work, especially by the way the father has told it--- you didn't use the characters or any words, just his telling/story of it. I like how he threw in his own advice and points of view into the story.
Why would wizards chose to live in fear of something that is lesser than them when they could simply dispose of it?
I thin that, here, you need 'choose' instead of 'chose'.
. . . Harry Potter, born the James and Lily Potter . . .
I think that instead of 'the' you need 'to'.
No one knows who it was, but it was he who led our master to the evil child, and its disrespectful parents.
I love this. The way you created this illusion between the child and his storyteller was brilliant--- especially how we, the readers, know who that was. Good work.
“And on that day, I will be the proudest father in the world.”
Aw, what a sweet ending! I really enjoyed this story--- it was short and sweet. That's really good to see that nice moment between the two.
I like the illusion you've created between the two characters. Who were they? They could have been anyone from two nameless OCs to Lucius and Draco. To see Lucius and Draco getting along for once is nice, even if he, Draco, is young. I love it when a reader is left with a cliffhanger or confused.
Good work, Elle. Very enjoyable plot.
~Lindsey :)
Author's Response: Thanks for the lovely review, SPEW buddy. I\'m glad you enjoyed this. I was just hit with idea watching The Philospher\'s Stone. McGonagall said every child in the wizarding world would know his name. I started thinking about what Death Eater\'s would have to say on the topic.
Thanks for pointing out the errors, I\'ll try to get those fixed up soon.
Again, thanks so much for the review, Lindsey!
I've Got My Eyes On You by little_kitty
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: An anonymous person has been sending letters to Harry. He is told to carry out a "secret task" according to a set of instructions, and if he fails, the consequences will be strange and unusual. His best friends' lives may also be at stake. After several unsuccessful attempts to ignore the letters, Harry reluctantly decides to carry out the task, only to learn a very unexpected moral at the end.
Date: 11/13/06 Title: Chapter 2: Arousing Suspicions
Hi! This is a very good fic! Very mysterious! Please update soon!!!
Author's Response: Thanks, I\'m glad you like it. I hope to update sometime, when the next chapter is all polished. =)
The Ultimate Trust by Celestial Melody
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: "Hazel bored into emerald, igniting the magic fire of love that cannot be explained but is felt only once in a lifetime."
Witness the marriage of two of the most beloved (though little-known) characters in the world of magic.
Date: 12/13/06 Title: Chapter 1: Roses
Your first paragraph was basically what drew me in. The wonderful detail that you described everything with made me actually happy. I completely admire that in a fic when a person can describe the setting very well, resulting in a very good fic.
I absolutely love the way that you described the wedding. From the people to the weeping of happiness, it was all too perfect.
At first i thought you were talking baout Ginny and Harry, but then when i saw the emerald-green eyes, i realized who it was.
I adore the way that you described their love at the end.
LOL, i have nothing to criticize, that's why i love this fic so much! Very creative, and i loved it! I give it a ten!
This is so going on my fav list! I'll even check out your other stories! Te he!
Thanks for the banner again !
~Lindsey :)
Author's Response: Dear Lindsey,
Thank you so much for your lovely compliments. I\'m thrilled that you enjoyed my story, that it made you happy, and that you could see it. That\'s the whole purpose, I believe, in writing for others: trying to make them see what you see in your mind. \'Tis a fun thing. =)
*giggles* You\'re right, too, the wedding was too perfect. But, goodness, wouldn\'t it be fun to have a fairy-dusted wedding? With JAMES Potter. *giggles* *is a James fangirl*
The whole story was supposed to be rather ambiguous. You were supposed to guess and guess and guess. *giggles* Sometimes readers like that, sometimes they do not. I\'ve had people who found this story \"dull,\" yet I can\'t help if this is the way I imagined J/L\'s wedding. =) I\'m glad you liked it, though, and I cannot begin to tell you how happy you\'ve made me. Adding it to your favorites is, perhaps, the most wonderful gift you could have given me. And, please, do check out my other stories if you\'ve the time. =)
You\'re so very welcome for the banner. I\'m thrilled that you like it. =)
~Julia~
After by Aelan Greenleaf
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: When the Final Battle has past, when the war of all wars has come to an end, what then? What happens after for the Boy, the Man, who lived?
Date: 04/23/07 Title: Chapter 1: After
While I am not experienced in the least in writing in first person, you, my friend, are very gifted. At first you held the mysterity of who the character truly was, and you nearly held that to the end. Poor, poor, Harry. . . The poor thing has already lost basically everyone he has loved --- his parents, Sirius, headmaster; no telling who he will lose in the seventh instalment --- he has to lose all of his friends all over again, and most likely forever because of the Death Eaters. This was one of the best Dark/Angsty one shots I have ever read, and I really mean that. You have a great gift for writing about trouble and sorrows.
I thought about it, though, in my darkest moments. Returning, I mean. Not simply for the money, but the opportunities that I would be able to provide for my son. Alone, in the depths of the night's darkness, I argued with myself for hours about it, debating inside my own head until the light of morning would shine through the window, and I would rise, facing yet another day. The argument would be forgotten, put aside, until the night crept over me once more, and the cycle began again.
I absolutely adore this writing, dear. It captures the emotions of not only your character, but the way he treats himself. It goes deeper than love for his own self, but for his son as well. he cares about him, and that's wonderful that you've portrayed it that way. The way you've written that sentence is just beautiful, and the 'battles with his mind' are depicted perfectly.
I never wanted children because I was afraid of the kind of parent I would be; I had no example other than the Dursleys to guide me, and that was no guidance at all.
The poor, misguided Dursley's being his only sign of a parent? Hm . . . what about Mr. and Mrs. Weasley? If Harry is an adult, then he would have known about the Weasleys by now, and they would have been a very heart-warming example for his children. Other than that, the Weasleys versus the Dursleys . . . that's no contest at all.
And, oh my. The way you have portrayed Harry's emotions to his love, Ginny . . . I can actually feel what it is he's going through, the way you've portrayed it. You've written this as if it's from another Point of View--- as if you had experienced this yourself. I sure hope not, but this is an amazing piece of writing as well. Oh no, and Ginny. The way you've described her death just brought tears to my eyes, and Harry is the one who had loved her. Those Death Eater are just horrid human-er- beings.
You have a gift for depicting the emotions and portrayal of characters, and you don't get them OOC. That's a very good knack to have. :)
Oh, my, and again, your writing. For Harry being trapped in the Muggle World that way is just so sad to see the poor man. It's good to see that he is keeping his son safe, but without any friends? I tend to think that he would at least have some kind of way to communicate with Ron and Hermione, no less the rest of the Weasley clan. And if he misses even Percy you know that that is a sign of no friends. And even if Harry is the 'Boy Who Lived' in the Wizarding World, he could be 'Just Harry' in the Muggle World with the Dursleys. He's nothing special in the Muggle World, and I'll bet he's finally feeling that. Yet, one would want to think that he kind of misses a certain boy with a camera coming up and clicking pictures at his face every few moments. Poor Harry!
Harry's emotions for Ginny have sent me into tears, literally. The way you wrote about how he loved her is just so sweet. It tells the reader that Harry really, truly loved her, no matter what anyone else said, and when she died, he really, truly was hurt deep. He left the Wizarding World because of her memories--- death can haunt a person in many different ways, and I hope that Harry is now all right.
Oh, how great a sequel or next chapter to this would be! I know that you would write it detailed and beautifully.
I can completely understand how wouldn't want his son exposed to the paparazzi and other maniacs of the Wizarding World. When you love someone---especially a son--- you want to protect them in more ways than one.
I just have a few tiny nitpicks to help you out:
I saw the headline of Witches Weekly the other day, as I snuck into a local magical pub.
I think that you had meant 'Witch Weekly', and you don't need a comma after 'as'.
Harry Potter Found Living Luxuriously in Bermuda, the words flashed as a overhead shot of a sprawling property was plasted below on the page.
I think that you meant 'plastered' instead of 'plasted'.
I get up from my bed, ready to face another day, ready to care for the only person I have left, and ready to live my life as the Muggle, the man, that I’ve become.
Truly amazing ending. It shows how much Harry cares for his son to leave every other thing in the world he's ever cared for to protect him. While it's very said, Harry must know that he has to move on.
And now, I must move on from your story, even though my eyes have now read it twice. XD
Thanks for the great read,
~Lindsey :)
Author's Response: Oh my goodness! What an incredible review! I\'m so touched that you took so much out of your own time to leave me such excellent feeback!
Unfortunately, I have a final tomorrow, so I\'m not able to respond as fully as I\'d like, but thanks so much for your beautiful review, and I\'m so glad you enjoyed this vignette!
With much appreciation,
- Aelan
Poison Rationality by StaceyLC
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: Snape is recuited to Romania to aide Charlie Weasley in preparing dragons for the TriWizard tournament. While there, however, Charlie develops a very strange and deadly illness, and Snape must somehow find a way to get him to St. Mungo's in time.
Entered for the Gauntlet "Journey to St. Mungo's" challenge by StaceyLC of Hufflepuff house.
Date: 01/08/07 Title: Chapter 1: Poison Rationality
Oh, great fic!
I really like this story so far! You drew the readers in with the first sentence! You wonder, get myself into what? Who is it? Great on that.
I love the detail that you put into this fic; 'twas truly amazing! Great job, I really liked it!
~Lindsey :)
Author's Response: Thank you! I worked really hard on this Gauntlet fic :) If you ever get a chance to do the Gauntlet, I strongly recommend it.
Eggs and Soldiers by SiriuslyMental
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: No one could believe Oswel would be mental enough to go on an actual killing spree. No one could believe five people had died on one day. They're all busy sobbing and blaming themselves, but I'm clever enough to know it's Oswel's fault. It's Oswel's fault, and I don't care.
Date: 06/07/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
This was a very dark story! Amazing writing, dear. I really liked your characterisation and storyline.
This was an interesting concept to write about. Did you happen to get this idea from Columbine, or another school shooting? It was very sadly portrayed the way you wrote it, and it was very real.
His skin is white as the milk I [i]ought[/i] to have had for my breakfast this morning.
. . . he could have killed more than a mere [i]five[/i] Mudbloods.'
In both of these, I think that you mean to have the other italics tags--- those are the ones on the forums.
Show them Oswel, Severus. Wipe the smile off their bloody face. Show them Oswel.
Oh, gosh! This gave me chills. Even though it's just a few words, they hold great meaning. These words, whether he chooses to follow or not, could be his choice between a life of passion and his doing and choices, versus a shortened version of life in Azkaban or getting the Kiss.
I would really have liked to have seen more substance in this; what you have is beautiful and heart wrenching, but I really would have liked to have seen . . . perhaps, what Snape did in the Library, what Dumbledore and ministry did with Oswel, and perhaps even some flashbacks with more description on what had happened to the five who had died. I really, really, really like what you have, though.
I really liked how you had Snape portrayed. Not exactly his characterisation being IC, but his thoughts, and actions. The way he sat there and kind of listened to Dumbledore, and thought about how he didn’t want to be there . . . It was so Snape-ish!
Snape’s characterisation was spot on. I really like how you’ve written him; I can just see him sitting next to Lucius and telling him to go to the library and all of his thoughts weaving in and out of his mind. Brilliant. I actually didn’t know it was him until someone mentioned his name.
But the thing I really loved about Severus’ characterisation was how he was kind of . . . breaking away from Lucius and Bellatrix. He didn’t listen to what they were saying, and he kind of defied them. A bit like how he has been doing with Voldemort, since he keeps on changing sides. If he would have listened to them and hexed and/or murdered James and Sirius, then he too would have ended up like Oswel.
By the way, is Oswel a character of your own making, or is it a canon character that you decided to go more and more in depth with? If so, he’s radiant as well. You wrote the killer perfectly in this story.
Ooh, and the way he killed them? Chilling.
Characterisation seems to be your strong point, most definitely. You should write more fictions centering around Snape. Great work! I really liked this.
~Lindsey :)
Sacrifice by PotionsPrincess
Rated: 6th-7th Years •Summary: How far would you go to end a war? How far will Ron go?
Date: 11/24/06 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
That was one of the saddest fics i have ever read! I actually teared a bit *sniff* LOL, that was very well-written, i love how you portrayed Ron as the hero, he was a very good character, and you did well keeping him in character. I am also a huge Ron/Hermione shipper all the way, and to see Hermione and Ron saying their last words to each other gave me chilss. Overall, one of the best fan fics i have read in a while! Very good job!
Author's Response: wow thank you. i figured it was about time someone wrote a fic where ron is the hero i love him and hermione too.
The Curse of Being a Slytherin by Roxy Black
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: A short poem showing Draco Malfoy's point of view in Half-Blood Prince.
Date: 02/18/07 Title: Chapter 1: My life is not mine to live
Wow, that was a really good of interpretation of Draco's feelings on that HBP night. Very good rhming scheme that you had going on, and it worked throughout the entire thing. Great poem!
~Lindsey :)
Author's Response: Thank you very much, Lindsey!
The Dark Lord's Blog by Schmerg_The_Impaler
Rated: 1st-2nd Years • Summary: What does Lord Voldemort do in his spare time? Well, that's an excellent question. Who would have known that the Dark Lord has a blog? (He also has a loyal following of readers, most of whom are Death Eaters and who post their comments.) Voldemort dispenses advice on everything from murder methods to germ protection to Power Rangers to shoes, and gives an account of the life of an evil overlord. But is he posting too much personal information online? And will Harry read it and find out more about the Dark Lord than Voldemort ever intended? Read and see.
WARNING: Extremely OOC behaviour from almost all.
RUNNER-UP in the 2007 Quicksilver Quills Awards for Best Humour fic! Also nominated like 21 times, because apparently my readers are as insane as I am!
Date: 11/07/06 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2: A Selected List of Imbeciles
LOL!! This is great! I love the cereal name! Cruci-Os... LOL!
Author's Response: Ah, thanks. The Cruci-Os are actually from the Hufflepuff Blur Drabbles on the forums. (Bows to Rob Matthews)
Through My Eyes by Pianochic1703
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Post war-one shot. Who lives, and who dies? Depressing...
Date: 11/22/06 Title: Chapter 1: Through My Eyes
Oh my gosh! That was definitely one of the saddest fan fics that i have ever read! I mean that in the best way of course. This is definitely on my favorites list! Very-well written! Very sad and a Great job.
Date: 12/28/06 Title: None
I liked this! It was very cute! Now for my review...*laughs maniacally*
Mackenzie had thick curly blonde hair just like her older sister.
You need a comma after thick and curly.
“Well I get a side too, ‘cause, ‘cause, ‘cause I am youngest,” agued Mackenzie.
I also think that you meant to say "aRgued Mackenzie." And I don't really see the point in adding the three "'causes". If she is, like, stuttering, then you may want to put a - in between them, noting that she is sobbing, arguing, w/e to your liking.
Ioana turned bright red and
I think that you might have made a mistake there.. it looks like half the sentence was cut off!
Anyway, enough with my beta-ing pesters.
I really liked you story. It was cute; I've never seen a fic about a kayaking trip. Ooh, and I really like the introduction to the mentoring program, I don't remember it in the books. If it's not, then kudos to you, especially for picking the Weasley family! My favorite family!
I found a lot of comma and other punctuation errors throughout the fic, but nothing too significant.
I really like how you put McGonagall as Headmistress, in the place of Dumbledore. That was a very good choice.
I also kind of feel that the first chapter is too rushed (This is chaptered, right?). But, maybe that will be explained in later chapters. The pace is a bit too fast, if you know what I mean... they go to school, tell friend about trip, bell rings and school's out, Hogwart's letter, friend is mad at her. It is just too fast paced, and that may need a bit of working on. Maybe if you developed the fic more, bring in more details, and adding more description, it wouldn't feel that way. But that's just me.
I also really like how you have developed Mackenzie's character! I love her! You did a very great job!
I hope that review wasn't TOO "constructive criticismy" to your taste, and I do not want to hurt you, the author's feelings at all.
I really like your fic, and I am going to put it on my favorites list, awaiting an update! I want to see more from you as well! :)
~Lindsey :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. It was definitly helpful. I hadn\'t noticed those mistakes before and neither did my beta. Oh well, I will go to fix them later. I have the next chapter writen but I have to wait for the queue to reopen. I think the next chapter will explain alot. This first chapter was just a way to introduce the characters and the story. I\'m glad you liked Mackenzie. She is my favorite character and the easiest to write. Thanks so much for the review!
-Kay
The Cruciatus Curse by h3art0f1nk
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: What do you imagine the Cruciatus Curse feels like? Is it unexplainable? The darkest words can’t describe this incredible, unbearable pain, but I have done my best to put it in words.
Date: 07/02/07 Title: Chapter 1: The Cruciatus Curse
Amazing description. Very, very nice work. I loved this.
~Lindsey :)
Author's Response: Thanks!
An Unclear Past by Winged Artemis
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: It's years after the trio is out of Hogwarts, Harry's found all of the Horcruxes, Voldemort's dying slowly and the Death Eaters are receding. All of the trio are married, and life is swell. But with one last flourish, Voldemort attacks Harry and Ron. The two defeat Voldemort, but lose their memories of their past since their first year, along with You-Know-Who, leaving Hermione, Ginny, the Weasleys and Harry and Ron's kids help nurse them back to sanity.
Author's Note: The Violence is mild in the first and fourth chapter, there is a bit, so I added a Violence warning. It's not graphic, though.
Currently on hiatus. See profile for more information.
Date: 12/15/06 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue - Inside St. Mungo's
Hi Hannah! I like this story a lot so far, it's very mysterious... but yet... who died? LOL, I'm slow, i'm sorry... ah well, i'll just go on to chappie 2!
I really like this. It's very well-written, yet you don't know yet what is going to happen.
I LOVE the ending sentence. It's very much like a cliffie, yet it's not. Very creative! ~Your fellow Insomniac, ~Lindsey :)
Author's Response: oh, thanks, Lindsey!
Date: 12/15/06 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter One - Returning Home
I love it Hannah! I'm going to the next chapter now! You write so well, i love your style! Very good work!
Author's Response: Danka, Disney!
Date: 12/15/06 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter Two - Emotions
Oh no! I can't believe that Harry and Ron died! That is so sad Hannah! I can't wait for the next chap to be validated! How did the Ministry "let" Harry and Ron die? I guess, that's how i could phrase it... LOL, but once again, i absolutely love your ideas and this story! Please update soon, soon, soon!
Te he,
~Lindsey :)
Author's Response: Haha... thanks again!
Date: 12/15/06 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter Three - Dreams and Reality
Very good Hannah! I love how you made Draco good. I'll be waiting for the next chappie!
Loved it!
~Lindsey :)
Author's Response: Thank you for all of your reviews! You made my day... er... sort of. Lol. Thanks again!
When You Do Dance by Connor Landon
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: There was a deep silence. It should not have been so, but he was growing used to the silence. On this day, however, he wished for any sound at all to prove that she was still in there. But there was nothing.
Life must go on, even after the one you love has received the fatal Dementor's Kiss.
Date: 11/03/06 Title: Chapter 1: When You Do Dance
Oh, this was so sad! It was very good writing too!
Author's Response: Yeah, I meant it to be kind of tragic. I\'m glad you liked it, and I appreciate the review!