I wanted to start off by saying how much I enjoyed reading this. I usually don't enjoy fics with Peter in them because he always ends up being the wimp who can't think for himself. And then, further congratulations on having this discussed by the SBBC this month!

In this story, Peter definitely did seem to be made of stronger stuff. Reading it made me wish that someone had stepped in at some point and asked Peter, "Don't you remember how much they helped you to become and Animagus? Didn't you all have a good time together as kids?"

The fact that his revenge was fueled by simple hate is so common. (That's not a bad thing). It's just so fitting that his revenge was driven by something like that. There were no outlying causes, no other schemes, just hatred. I think that really fits Peter's character. He is, of course, the least intelligent (although, not unintelligent) of the group and would be the least likely to think of some grand scheme for revenge.

Overall, I think that it was an fairly accurate portrayal of what Peter would have done. Great job!

~Kelly

Author's Response: Thanks so much, Kelly!

Wow! I was hoping for another story today and when I got home BAM! here this was!!

This is so sweet, you write romance so well! Now I really wish Sirius didn’t fall through the veil :( - no more happy Sirius/Cami one-shots!


Mucho kudos to you!

Author's Response: I\'m so happy to be able to give you a story to read! ^_^

It was sad, thinking that this was the last happy story, but I think Jo\'s OotP was much more tragic, since to Harry, Sirius went from Azkaban to house arrest at Grimmauld and then the veil without a lover to make hard times bearable. :(

This is fantastic!!!
I really love how you've played out the drama between Hermione and Ron - it seems very realistic that Ron would goof and completely allow Hermione to believe the wrong thing.
Can't wait for the next chapter to be validated.


Author's Response: :-)

Oh wow - this was good.
I particularly liked the humor, especially regarding Tonks' appearance at the meeting.
I think my favorite part,though, was when Tonks realized that Remus knew that she had stole that T-shirt. That's so cute to have such a long standing joke between the two of them. *happy sigh*
Isn't it interesting that tea is always applied as a sort of balm to any problems? Actually, I tried making myself tea when I was a bit depressed over an exam score - and it worked, somehow it made me feel better!
But chocolate works too :D

Author's Response: Tea and chocolate together is the ultimate comfort outside a hug and kiss from your sweetie! ;)

The next story should post tomorrow, and I think you\'ll like the humor lightening the angsty bits. :D Thank you for liking the little things that make Tonks and Remus a couple I love to write about! *hugs*

Olivia –

What a marvelously sad story you have. The plot was very strong and it was exceedingly well written. Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

Five year-old Draco! What an adorable character! He seems so sweet and innocent – it really contrasts nicely with his far more mature thoughts at the end of the story. I liked how you characterized Draco. Actually, I’ll admit that I was shocked at his apparent naïveté before I remembered that he was only five. The innocent notice of a pretty girl was also very sweet. I’m glad that you didn’t over do his description of Loralie (it would have been so tempting for me to do so). With such a young child, it’s definitely appropriate just to have him say that Loralie was pretty. Short and sweet.

Loralie seems like a very mature five year-old. I almost wanted her to be a bit more like Draco and be a little more childishly exuberant. I thought that her introduction, while appropriate, sounded a bit too formal. Perhaps it was the proper grammar flowing from the lips of a very young child…but that’s a very minor nitpick. With regards to Loralie in this section, I thought that you built up her character very nicely. The hazel eyes and the chestnut hair that you repeat through out was a lovely parallel that held the story together.

Because I feel like making minor nitpicks, I wanted to point out the word choice in this sentence: Draco’s small eyes darted from shop to shop, taking in the splendor and awe of each display. The word that gives me issues is ‘darted’. You are absolutely correct in using it here, but it made me pause for a moment when I read it. ‘Darted’ has a rather nervous and anxious connotation, while Draco is obviously very happy and excited to be in Diagon Alley. Perhaps using a word with a more positive connotation (like jumped, zoomed, or zipped) would make the sentence flow a little better. But, again, that is extremely minor.

Oh, and Narcissa’s characterization is absolutely perfect. She’s a bit self-centered and concerned with blood relations, while expressing her love for Draco in a rather odd manner (not wanting his association with non-purebloods). At the end of the first flashback, when Narcissa mutters about the blood traitors, I couldn’t help but think that this would be a rather Romeo and Juliet-ish plot. It sort of was, in all the best possible ways. The theme of forbidden love is a very appealing one and I thought that you did quite well with it.

The little pieces of sky that could be seen through the forest’s dense canopy were dark and foreboding - not that Draco had expected any less. Ever since that day, it seemed that clouds were sure to follow him. Draco’s mind surged with frustration as he thought to himself, This is not how I had envisioned my seventh year to end.

I liked that paragraph very much. The rather grim and morbid humor really fit nicely and was done well – not overly dramatic. I also liked the line about how the clouds were sure to follow him. When I read it for the first time, I immediately thought that the clouds had been following him since he was five years-old. >.> I was kind of surprised by that. But, by the second read, I appreciated the line as a nice bit of foreshadowing as to just what happens between Draco and Loralie. I also enjoyed the description of the forest. It was very succinct; you didn’t throw in a lot of extra description to pad the word count. I was able, though, to glean a very nice mental picture through the words that you did use. Excellent use of imagery.

You conveyed the pain that both Loralie and Draco felt in the second flashback very well. You stuck to the excellent strategy of showing the reader and not telling the reader. Without any words between them, Draco and Loralie manage to communicate to each other that the potential situation is over. My heart just ached for the two of them during that section, gah.

Oh, speaking of sections. I liked how the story was chunked up, switching between present time and memories. It really gave the story a nice flow; there were no parts that dragged or seemed to be moving suddenly in one direction or another. It really allows the reader to understand where Draco’s pain and thoughts are coming from – in order to understand the present, one must understand the past.

When the Dementors finally found Draco, I was so worried that he wouldn’t have a happy memory! It’s somewhat ironic that his happiest memory is also one of his saddest – she leaves him at the very end. That was really the part that reminded me of Romeo and Juliet: love that just can’t happen. I like how you split it in half – the happy half and the sad half. That really made the second part all the more painful because the reader (well, I was) was kind of lulled into a false sense of security about the relationship between Draco and Loralie.

The section (the first half, mostly) really made me wonder about Loralie and the sorts of things that had happened to her during her years at Hogwarts. Perhaps some sort of actions against her constantly reinforced what Narcissa had said twelve years previously? Maybe her own parents had introduced her to the concept of purebloods who look down on every one else? I think that, to her, Draco merely represent everything that could happen to her because of her blood-status. And that is just horribly sad. I very nearly cried with Loralie when she explained everything to Draco.

Sorry, I’m just kind of theorizing all over your review page.

Draco’s death scene was written quite well, too. In all the excitement about Dementors and Loralie, I had very nearly forgotten about his leg. I was rather surprised that, if it was such a huge wound, that bandaging would have really held for that long, but I will suspend my disbelief, heh.

The ending was simply beautiful. I think that the last line just about killed me, it was so painful. But it was a good kind of pain, the kind that comes when everything has been wrapped up satisfactorily and explained neatly.

I think that I enjoy Draco as a sort of hopeless romantic, who dies thinking about what could have been. I don’t know why, but Draco as the tragic lover has appealed to me. I think that the fits the role quite well. :D

Olivia, this was a lovely story. There were a few absolutely minor issues that I had with the word choice in a few places, but those couldn’t take away from the story. It was elegant, poignant, and you are to be congratulated for a job very well done.

~Kelly

It's really good so far!
I like the tension between Willaim and Clara - it makes it seem more realistic that he doesn't like lepers, even though he's a wizard.
I hope William gets nicer to Clara! Maybe after she cleans him up?
Great job so far!

Author's Response: Hey Kelly! Thanks so much for your review. =]]] I\'m really glad you like it--especially since you\'re such an amazing writer yourself! And don\'t worry--William will warm up to her... somehow. ;] Thanks again! *hugs* Fenn

That was really well done. I haven't read very many romances with McGonagall that actually seem believeable. She just isn't all that suited to fluffy moments....:)
I also really liked the fact that there wasn't a romance between Dumbledore and McGonagall. Those never quite strike me as right, no matter how well they're written.
I think the dialogue between Oliver and Minerva was very well written. Very sweet, rather innocent, and very IC (especially MInerva). She does seem like the type to refuse to go outside in the cold.
Would you consider writing a sequel? This is brilliant and I think that it would be really interesting to see if she hires him or not - or what happens during the interview!!


Author's Response: Thank you very much for your kind comments. This story was intended to be merely a one-shot, so I\'m not sure if I want to write a sequel. I think it\'ll be fun to just let you readers come up with the conclusion yourself =)

“You’re always talking nonsense, Algie.”
Oooh! I love The Importance of Being Earnest – it’s so cleverly written. Actually I really love the most recent movie with Rupert Everett. He’s so much fun to watch. *sigh*
I enjoyed the moment when Tonks brought up what a great parent Remus would make. It’s a real shame that he doesn’t really believe in himself yet. I know, I know, he is the more logical and level-headed of the two, he has to feel this way. But I can’t wait to see how you make him react when he actually does become a parent!


Author's Response: Remus has insecurities he hides, even from himself. There will be some darker moments in the DH fic before he chooses to have faith in love. Sigh

Another heavy chapter this week (is that a record? Two different stories?).

I enjoyed seeing Dung again. Despite his ways, he's a bit endearing, the way he always calls her Tonksie. A Thief of Hearts, perhaps...

Ah....Muggle shopping. I'm surprised Remus even allowed Will to go and see the butcher. Should have gone to the produce aisle first.

Always next time, though!

Author's Response: They\'re men. They\'re werewolves and the full moon is on the rise. They have priorities! :D

For the twins to take to him, Dung has to have his endearing qualities, so thank you for liking them!

I would like to complement you on your amazing story. It is both brilliant and tragic at the same time. The characterization is done flawlessly and the transitions between Malfoy’s thoughts and the rest of the story is done flawlessly. It is endearing, in a way, how Draco is so human. Overall, this is an absolutely beautiful story to read. Congratulations on a job that surpasses “well done”!

~Kelly

Author's Response: Thanks, I\'m overjoyed that you liked it. :)