Alison –

That was absolutely stunning. I’m going to attempt to make this a coherent review, but I’m afraid that words may fail.

Let’s start with the writing.

I think that it would only be natural to comment on the perspectives first. I liked how they switched back and forth between the two characters. It was a wonderful technique in order to illustrate the parallels between Draco and Ginny. One of the rather stylistic things that I liked about it was how Ginny’s part is in italics and Draco’s part is in normal type-face. I don’t know if you intended it to be this way, but it makes it seem as if this is Draco’s story, and Ginny just kind of takes over his own thoughts in a way, even though it’s most definitely her. Usually, when I see a story where the perspective shifts between the two characters, I like to see about equal amounts of the story told from each perspective as it lends a nice balance to it. In this, though, I liked that the majority of the story was told from Draco’s point of view. For some reason, it makes it a little more tragic. It’s almost like the reader, like Draco, just never quite got enough of Ginny or her personality.

You are also quite good at portraying complex emotions in a very straightforward way that’s very striking. This was especially evident, I thought, when Draco was trying to re-light the fire (oh, the symbolism!). There were a few sentences in this that I thought were a little clunky. There really weren’t grammar errors, it’s just style. And, I’m just feeling really nit-picky – they’re not really a problem. Although I try to refrain from picking individual word errors out (because it’s really just a typo), this one really caught my eye.

He laughed hallowly that he had found out about her death from a newspaper.

It was just such a climactic sentence that I really noticed how that should really be “hollowly”. My apologies, again, for being so nit-picky.

One of my favorite parts of this story is the interactions between Ginny and Draco. I think that characterizing the pairing is one of the more difficult things to do, especially if you keep it canon. And you did a marvelous job. I’m quite fond of the way that they didn’t even use their first names until the very last moment. It’s like they were almost in denial over the implications of their relationship.

I actually would have loved to have seen how this would have gone, if Ginny had indeed saved Draco a year earlier. I’m just trying to imagine the possibilities of how Molly would react and (oh this would make me laugh) what threats Ron might hand down.

Another part that I liked immensely was Harry’s characterization.

She did love Harry. He was her husband, her first love. But he was her best friend, and that was probably all it should have been in the first place. Often she felt terrible, because she realised that she had married the name, her own version of Harry. But that wasn’t the real Harry – not the Harry she had to live with.

Oh, that was so painful to read. It was so easy to imagine Ginny in this situation. It actually kind of mirrors my own thoughts about Harry/Ginny – it just seems too perfect. I’ve always thought that either Harry or Ginny (or perhaps both) were kind of in love with the illusion of the other. They both idealized each other so much, that I would be surprised if one of them wasn’t disappointed. And I thought that Ginny was a much better candidate for the disappointment. This was just so painfully well-written and accurate, that even though I do tend to ship canon, I wanted Ginny to end up with Draco.

After thinking about this story for a while, I sort of wonder how Ginny died. She seems so resentful from her thoughts that the reader is privy to. My first guess, actually, was that she had committed suicide. I don’t know quite why that thought came to mind (or if you even intended for it to be read that way at all), but I almost thought that it had happened. Ginny just seemed to be in so much pain and suffering from so many delusions about her life that, even though she’s one of the strongest characters, I thought that it was possible.

Oh, and I meant to comment earlier on this, but the symbolism of the flames going out when Ginny died was beautiful. I’ll admit that it was a just a little bit obvious, but it was extraordinarily fitting. When Ginny dies, the little bit of light in his life (and past, mostly) is extinguished.

When he tried to light the fire, he failed. But that wasn’t surprising, since he had always been bad at that spell.

The first time I read that, it was a little bit jarring. After I thought about it for a while, though, I loved it. It really illustrates how Ginny helped Draco to live. She was the one who put the light in his life – he never needed to actually light a fire. Just…beautiful.

And, of course, Draco’s scene at her grave just about killed me. The last line was absolutely stunning. Like Astoria, my heart just ached for Draco and all that he had lost.

So, in an attempt to gather my thoughts, I loved this story. You did a lovely job integrating the two characters and really portraying the effect that each of them had on the other. Beautiful.

~Kelly

Dear Cwiddy,

That was a very powerfully written poem with a lot of truth packed into a few very brief words. I’ve always thought, actually, that the reason that poetry can be so wonderful and intense is because so much can be expressed with so little. It just makes the message ring a little bit louder and a lot more deeply.

The most powerful part of this poem is your definition of the hero. The hero is the one who always perseveres, despite the odds; the one who would risk himself (or herself) to protect another; the one who tries the hardest to overcome what is in the way. For me, this strikes a chord. We don’t live in mythological times and there aren’t knights in shining armor running around, itching to save a damsel in distress and be the hero. Even though that’s what everyone thinks of when they think of a hero, today’s heroes are of a different breed. But the underlying thread that connects those heroes of ages past to those of contemporary times are those qualities. They’re absolutely timeless and incredibly meaningful.

This is probably why I’ve always been exceedingly fond of Albus Dumbledore. He always emphasized that Harry’s actions were done out of love – for her parents, his friends, etc. – and that Voldemort couldn’t win because he couldn’t understand that. In my opinion, that love is what makes Harry the hero. He takes what was given to him and he does everything he can with it because of what and who he loves.

Why do we remember some deeds and forget others?

Although this is not, perhaps, the most important line for conveying your message, this one really stood out for me. I’ve always wondered that myself. If we take an answer from the HP world, it would be that things are remembered either because of their inherent goodness or because of their extreme evil. People either admire or fear and those extreme ends of the spectrum – admiration and fear – are the things that end up being remembered. At least, that seems to be why all of the evil in the world is always remembered and talked about in hushed tones (Grindlewald, then Voldemort) and all of the heroes (Harry, Dumbledore, etc.) are constantly talked about. The others with them, even though they may have been just as great or just as evil, aren’t really remembered because they didn’t inspire the fear or admiration in others. I’ll stop rambling about that, now.

I also really like the structure of this poem. The almost question/answer format really made the message clearer. The questions cause a little bit of doubt in the reader’s mind, but the answer clarifies and erases all of that doubt and then the reader absolutely believes in the answer.

Overall, I thought that this was an amazingly well-done poem. It applies and connects with so much more than just Harry Potter and the message is incredibly powerful.

~Kelly

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your thoughts and input. I write what comes to me, and sometimes I just maybe add just a twist to my real life to make it HP related...and sometimes, the poem can just be thought of a bit differently to fit into the HP world. Part of the fun of writing is to inspire others, to make them think, and to hear about their thoughts. Thanks again for sharing yours with me. Glad you enjoyed my poem, too. :)

Now, Britt, I realize that there is a co-author here (I’m sorry that I don’t know your name!), but I’ll address the review to you. Oh, and consider this a review for the entire story – not just one chapter.

Let’s begin with the basics: I really liked the story and I think that the two of you did a great job with the characters. I was especially fond of Lily’s thoughts – they seemed very real and well characterized.

One bit of characterization that kind of struck me:

A rather hasty and dramatic accusation, I know. But let’s dwell into a little back-story, shall we?

Just to clarify, that was the line that broke up the action; between Lily’s recognition of Bellatrix and Bella’s agreement. Although the little story that you gave between Lily’s line and the one delivered by Bellatrix was very important to the plot, it jarred me a bit. That was supposed to be a very dramatic moment and I think that you should have allowed the drama to build - There’s a Death Eater in the Hospital Wing?!? - rather than doing a start/stop thing to give a back-story. For the sake of the flow of the story, that little paragraph should have been evenly distributed throughout the scene (perhaps as thoughts flying about her mind), instead of having Lily stop the moment and give an explanation. The use of the word “we” also bugged me a bit – probably because I’m not fond of directly addressing the reader.

Now, then, what I really liked was the title and how it applied to the entire story. One of the most obvious and dominant themes of the Harry Potter series is that good will always (eventually) triumph over evil. I like how you’ve taken that and made it so that love will triumph over evil (of course, in the world of JKR, love usually equates to good – notice that Voldemort never fell in love – but I digress). Although James/Lily isn’t really a favorite pairing of mine, I’ve always liked it when it’s done well. I thought that you really nailed the relationship between the two of them. This was especially evident in the beginning, when James was fairly blind to his personal safety because Lily had wanted to meet him somewhere.

Also, I like the fact that James has the ability to nearly throw off the Imperious Curse. That’s a trait that I suppose must run in the family, as Harry has the ability to do so as well. Nice little characterization of James, there. The best part of James’ characterization, though, was when he would be confused over what he was supposed to do. I thought that those moments in his head – where he’s trying to rationalize why he’s killing her – were the most powerful of the entire story.

No, the other part of my mind screams. But I have to do it. This is my mission; there is no other option. My resolution is fading, along with my ability to distinguish between right and wrong.

Those were my favorite lines of the fic – see reasons above. The black-and-white perception (I have to do it/No) really highlighted the battle between James’ mind and the workings of the spell. Those are just incredibly powerful lines.

One thing that I was kind of surprised about is how quickly Lily realizes that something is clearly wrong with James, and yet she doesn’t run away when he first says that he’s going to kill her. Obviously, she was scared to death, but I think that I expected a little bit more panic out of her – I certainly would start panicking of a classmate started to kill me. However, I thought that the way she heeded James’ command to run, was done perfectly. She had the moment of hesitation – demonstrating that she was worried about his well-being – but then she had the good sense to actually run away as fast as she could. I thought that it was done extremely well. I also liked the little foreshadowing to the pairing when she thinks about the memories and one of the few that she specifically names is touching James. Very nicely done.

The ending, also, was very sweet and not over the top (which is always a danger when writing Lily and James first getting together, in my opinion). The last line was also very touching – they’re meant to be together. Aww! I liked that part a lot.

Overall, I thought that the story was very well done – the premise of having James Imperioused to kill Lily was especially intriguing and fairly unique. I’ll admit that I’ve never seen that one done before. It was well-written and quite enjoyable. Great job to you both!

*squishes*

Tiff –

That was a very interesting premise for a story! When I started reading, I really had no idea that it was going to involve the Horcrux (and let me tell you – it took me a while before I realized that Sirius was looking for the locket). Obviously, I should have been able to notice this from your summary, but I had thought that Sirius was going back in time to find an actual founder. Apparently not…I did really shake my head when I realized my error.

I really liked the originality of this story. We all know that Dumbledore has probably enlisted many people other than Harry to do his bidding and I thought that Sirius was probably an excellent choice. Why not send him to fetch a Horcrux (though it would be impossible to tell him about what it was, of course)? That seemed like a very Dumbledore-esque thing to do.

I’ll admit that I was extremely surprised when Sirius tried to join the Nazi Army, assuming that it was what Dumbledore had wanted him to do. I immediately thought that there might have been a reference to Grindlewald at that point (as the battle took place roughly at the time of World War II), but I was very relieved when Sirius appeared to come to his senses. However, I would have been extremely interested, had Sirius been correct, to see how you would have explained Dumbledore’s wish that Sirius help the Germans to win the battle. That would have been very interesting.

One thing that really struck me while I was reading was that the story felt a little bit rushed. Everything happened fairly suddenly with very little time to transition (he’s in the battle, he escapes, he finds the locket, he tries to leave, he changes, he finds the missing piece, etc.). During the rather turbulent battle scenes, I actually rather liked this. Everything would have been rather sudden in a battle, as the situation would be so stressful.

The one place, though, where I really wanted you to expand a little bit was when Sirius accidentally killed the child. I really wanted to see a deeper reaction from him. He expresses an adequate amount of emotion, but I thought that the loss of an innocent life might have provoked a little bit more. Perhaps I was hoping to see a little bit more shock and horror on his part.

Oh, and another part that I wanted you to expand upon was the scene at the very end with Dumbledore. This is a bit of a personal bias of mine (I’m inordinately fond of Dumbledore), but the exchange between the two of them felt very brief. I was hoping that it would go on for a little bit more – perhaps Sirius would have truly pressed Dumbledore for what the reason was. Or, maybe it would have taken Sirius a little longer to get over the death of the boy. I think that I just want the story to be longer in general. :D

When I started reading this, it dawned on me that this was a World War II-centric story. This made me quite pleased (even though it is a horribly depressing subject), as World War II history is among my favorite subjects. I don’t really see many stories that combine that era with Harry Potter, so it made me very happy to see a story that combined two of the things that I’m most passionate about in my life. And I also wanted to tell you that you did a very good job at integrating the German phrases. They flowed very naturally into the story. I also wanted to mention that you handled the Nazi cruelty in a very sensitive way. It’s such a delicate topic, that’s filled with a lot of pain for so many, that authors have to be extraordinarily careful when they include it in their works. I thought that you did a fantastic job of not overdoing the brutality and not glorifying either.

Your imagery in the opening few paragraphs was also quite outstanding. I was really drawn into the scene with Sirius.

Explosions could be heard from outside, along with some smaller explosions from inside the building I was in. There were screams echoing off of every wall from unknown sources. I could hear a stampede of footsteps outside as the people in the city tried to get away.

That was an excellent example of the imagery that I was mentioning. I was particularly drawn to the “…screams echoing off of every wall from unknown sources.” That really embodied the chaotic and frantic mood of the piece. The reader knew that there were people who were fighting somewhere, but they didn’t know where. It really helped create that sense of urgency that Sirius felt while he was lying on the floor.

Overall, this was a very interesting piece for me to read. I don’t usually read Professor-rated stories that aren’t in the Romance category, meaning that I usually don’t read many stories with violence in them. I thought, though, that you handled the themes very well. The only thing that I really had something to say about was the length of the piece and the expansion of some ideas to create a little more depth for the characters. Other than that, it was quite good and I enjoyed reading it.

~Kelly

Oh, yay, Jen!

I’m finally getting back into doing my monthly reviews, and what a way to start them off again! Goodness gracious, how I loved this story. Just…I loved the characters, their interactions – everything just seemed to work so well.

First off, I quite liked the title and how it connected to the story as a whole. Hermione, who is somewhat stuck in a relationship with Ron, can’t escape and Draco, who has rather suddenly fallen in love with Hermione, can’t escape from that either. I was kind of thinking for a few minutes that perhaps Ron was stuck in a situation that he couldn’t escape from either (dating Hermione? Not proposing?), but there isn’t one that really quite fits. He’s really more of the figure in the story who is right where he wants to be – with Hermione and doing the job that he loves.

I also thought that Hermione’s character was spot on. She’s a rational and extraordinarily logical person throughout, until she loses most of her inhibitions while drinking. One thing that I really liked about her character is how she knows that she is physically attracted to Draco, but knows that she is loyal to Ron. The loyalty is just one of those things in the Harry Potter series that JK Rowling emphasizes as being one of the most important things that humans can have. Loyalty and love. I really like how you incorporated those two ideals within Hermione’s feelings for Ron. While in a lot of just general fiction, the reader would have expected Hermione to stay with Draco because of the newly discovered passion and love, it wouldn’t have worked for this story. You tie it so nicely to canon by having Hermione go back to Ron (and not just because they end up that way, either) because she knows that their love and her loyalty to him is more valuable that the lust with Draco.

/long thought process to get to an idea

Although I thought that you did an excellent job with Draco’s characterization, I had a rather sticky moment when he was confessing his love to Hermione. Perhaps it’s because I simply can’t picture Draco in such a situation…Regardless, I didn’t really expect him to be so open and lacking cynicism. Perhaps it was the word “breathlessly” that got me. I can’t really picture Draco doing anything in which he wasn’t perfectly composed. But this is truly a minor nitpick of mine, as I thought that Draco’s characterization was excellent overall.

I also thought that the ending was simply perfect. I was worried for a few moments that it was just going to end with the proposal and then a happy marriage, but those fears were put to bed. I thought that, even though it was only a few sentences, the ending characterized Draco perfectly. Slightly bitter over what he had and what he couldn’t hold on to and then destroying any sort of sign that would remind him of his loss. So perfect.

Gah. I just loved this story overall, Jen. And that’s kind of interesting coming from me, as I almost NEVER read Dramione. Despite my limited experience with it, I think that you pulled off the pairing exceptionally well. :D

Author's Response: 0.o Thank you, Kelly! It's been ages since I got such a wonderful review. :) Your comments all made me smile so much, because I'm quite proud of this story. I'm very glad you liked it! With the characterisation on Draco - I was thinking about that part being OOC when I wrote it, but I decided that we've never really seen Draco with a girl he actually likes, and something has to unsettle him, especially after how he's changed because of the war. I hardly ever read Dramione too, let alone read it, so this was a new thing for me. ^_^ Thank you again!

Cassie –

What a very interesting story! I don’t think that I’ve ever seen one from Draco’s point of view while the prisoners were being held in his home. I thought that you did a lovely job with it.

Based on what we saw of Draco in DH, he was having a rather rough go of it. However, I always did wonder how he felt about having people imprisoned in his home. And, of course, not just people, but people that he actually knew. I could only imagine it being stressful and traumatizing. This is why I rather like the way that you’ve written Draco’s response to hearing Ollivander’s torture session. He’s clearly been conditioned to witness torture, but he still has enough feeling within him to feel guilt about the activities.

Although she has a small role, I was very happy with the way that you wrote Narcissa. She seemed very much like she is in canon. I mean, she tolerates torture and holding captives within her home for the sake of maintaining appearances, but that also connects to her more protective side. We saw, both in HBP and DH, that she would do just about anything to protect her family – especially Draco. Thus, having her stop Ollivander’s torture because Draco communicated that he was uncomfortable with it, was perfectly in character for her. The only part of Narcissa’s characterization that felt a little bit off was when you described her as “hesitating” before asking Bella to stop the torture. Although I think that it’s an accurate description of what Narcissa would have done, I think that the word “hesitation” implies a little bit less poise than Narcissa is always described as having. It’s amazing how individual words, even when they’re perfectly accurate, can affect the characterization and I think that, although this one was good, there’s a better one for the situation. Personally, I would have used the word “pause” just to convey a little bit more poise and sophistication.

I noticed that you have a very powerful way of writing. You consistently pulled individual lines/sentences and made them a stand-alone paragraph. This is a very good way to emphasize points within a story and I wanted to give you big-time kudos for not over-doing it. It’s very easy to get into the habit of over-doing that, which leads to over-emphasis, which then leads to confused readers. So, it’s nice to see that you have a firm grip on that style and an understanding of how to properly do it.

I’d like to open my comments about your characterization of Luna with a quote that I thought was absolutely stunning.

And I was enraged by the effect her presence as a prisoner was having on me. To have her sit there, eating the food I had provided, and challenge the person that I had tried so hard to be. But the hardest part about all of this was that within Luna Lovegood’s insanity, there was sense. Sense that even I could not deny.

Those were absolutely brilliant lines. I thought that you absolutely nailed the characterization of Luna. Especially those last two sentences in that little paragraph. It’s something that we all see in canon – Luna being eccentric. However, her words always have a lot of truth in them, even when they’re rather off the wall. Some of the insights that she had about Ron and Harry were absolutely amazing. A lot of authors don’t quite seem to grasp that Luna isn’t insane; she’s just brilliant and quirky. Hands down, your characterization of Luna was my favorite part of this story. She was just so true to her character that I was, quite frankly, amazed. It was absolutely wonderful to see a story in which she was well-characterized.

The ending of the story was also quite powerful. You added a lot of depth to Draco’s character in this story, and I think that the ending really summed that up. He and his mother are both putting forward a face – a persona – but they both really do have feelings and really do care about others, even if it’s very rarely expressed.

Absolutely lovely job, Cassie!

~Kelly

Oh! What a sweet story!

After JK Rowling announced that Draco had, in fact, not married Pansy, but some girl named Astoria instead, I’ve loved the speculation about how they might have been introduced/gotten together. I’ve read numerous stories – some good, some not – but I find myself extremely fond of the story that you have written, here. All three of the characters seemed to be quite well characterized. Although I do not really have a frame of reference for Astoria, you’ve depicted her somewhat like Narcissa (which is made all the more obvious at the end). I like the parallels between them and I believe that Draco would have been attracted to someone like his mother.

Astoria stared blankly at her, before saying to Draco, “Don’t you think you are a bit remiss in your hostly duties, Draco?” She boldly ignored the sharp intake of breath from Pansy.

That line, I think, was really indicative of Astoria’s personality. The words make it seem remarkably like Narcissa could have been saying them, but the description of Astoria being “bold” makes the line belong to her. Personally, although Narcissa has a lot of courage, I envision her more as “cunning” rather than “bold.” It probably has to do with her very Slytherin tendencies (at points), but that’s just how I categorize the both of them.

Structurally, I liked the switching perspectives at the beginning. By doing that, the reader is able to get more of an insight into the psyches of Astoria and Pansy. If the entire story had been from one point of view, the characterization probably would have been fine, but it would have gotten rather muddled and confusing - especially, then, when it came to what Draco was thinking later. With regards to the perspective, one thing that I kind of wished for while reading was for the perspectives to continue switching at the ball. You do this slightly, but what I was really hoping for was a switch immediately after the kiss into Pansy’s thoughts, again. Although it isn’t necessary for there to be one, I thought that the flow was a tad bit rushed at the end and it could have been slowed down just a little with some more introspection.

“Excuse me!” Pansy said loudly, as half of the room turned to stare. “Draco Malfoy, what are you playing at?”

That line made me giggle. It’s just so Pansy to completely interfere with whatever Draco is doing. I could really picture the scene playing out just like that. Perfectly hilarious. The one thing about the line is I just sort of wonder if Pansy would really excuse herself before interrupting. Stylistically, I think that it has to be there (the reader gets more of an impression about what she’s doing and the following line describes the room), but I think that Pansy might have been shocked enough just to start shouting at Draco.

I thought that the ending was especially sweet – and the parallels between Lucius/Narcissa and Draco/Astoria just made me think, “Aww…” I like your interpretation of how Narcissa and Lucius became engaged – much nicer than the usual Pureblood arranged marriage situation.

Overall, I enjoyed the story. It was very sweet and touching – just the right thing to bring a smile to my face over the holidays.

~Kelly

Morgan,

That was an extraordinarily interesting take on Cho Chang and her character. The idea, I think, is extremely unique and (unfortunately for Cho) not terribly far-fetched.

I rather liked your approach to the controversial nature of this story – almost complete openness. This was really quite apparent in the opening scene of the story. It was so frank about where Cho was and what she was doing. I think it really draws the reader in. Personally, I wanted to continue reading simply to find out what had happened to Cho and why she was doing what she was doing. You did really well on the structure of the piece as it really serves to draw the reader into the story.

When he touched her, her tears felt hot and angry, but she learned toys could never fight back.

I thought that that was a very powerful line. Up until this point, Cho seemed pretty much helpless and almost weak – something that I didn’t particularly like. I’ve always seen Cho to be a very strong person and this line convinced me that your Cho was going to be more like her canon counterpart. I thought that it was really a good moment for her character to realize how much she’s being used. And the fact that he calls her “doll” throughout the piece really reinforces the fact that she’s merely a plaything for them. I don’t know if you meant it, but within a few lines of this realization, the woman (I’m lead to believe that it’s Alecto) has no compunction whatsoever about “breaking” the toy. I think that this is where the title really jumped out at me – Cho is fragile and something to be touched and played with, but is easily broken. It’s an absolutely horrific thing to think, but I thought that it was extremely powerful.

There were just a few places where the wording within the story rather bugged me.

Cho snorted. “The real way? That didn’t work for me. Me, me, I’m done, just done, with respectable,”

The repetition of the word “me” wasn’t quite right. I understand what you were aiming for – that natural pause and repetition in speech patterns. While the wording technically works, I think that you should probably consider altering the punctuation slightly so as to convey that pause. Something like this:

“…That didn’t work for me. Me? Me, I’m done…”

I think that the question mark serves to break up the sentence better than the commas do.

Another small thing that I noticed was that every time you have dialogue, you explain what sort of dialogue it is. You have characters muttering, telling, saying, exclaiming, grumbling…etc. You do a very good job of not being repetitious with your word usage, but some of the dialogue should be able to speak for itself. For the sake of story flow, you shouldn’t have to describe every line to the reader. What you really want to do is to create a mood (which you have) for the reader to understand so that some of the dialogue (but not all of it) can stand on its own. This also works well for lines that you’re trying to emphasize.

One final thing that I wanted to add about this is your fantastic use of imagery. You really nailed the sort of creepy and disgusting image of some of the men in my mind. Let’s use this line as an example:

Her entire body trembled as the strong, paw-like hands yanked the strings of the corset tighter. Tears leaked from Cho’s eyes as she gasped for breath while he constricted her chest.

That line just really captured the animalistic and brutal quality of Amycus. It was so well described that I shuddered when I read it. A disgusting man.

It’s really quite sad the way you’ve described Cho, here. The last scene in the bar was almost physically painful to read, knowing what had happened to her and what exactly she was trying to do. I think that you did a wonderful job in capturing who Cho is and then creating a story for her.

~Kelly

Author's Response: Thanks! I agree with you on my use of dialogue. I try not to describe everything that's spoken, but it's a difficult habit to break. Sorry I failed a bit with the drunken dialogue. It's been mentioned that my drunken dialogue is a bit sub-par, and I guess I instinctively go and use commas to break up lines. I'm glad the imagery worked, though. The story has the overall open and honest feeling to it because I guess I imagined Cho as someone who realizes completely what her situation in life is, and I wanted to reflect Cho's character in the way I told the story.

Dear pheonixfeather94,

Ah, what a delicious story about Albus Dumbledore. He is such a fascinating character, is he not? The man has so many quirks, oddities, and personality traits that I find him to be one of the most enjoyable characters to read (both in fanfiction and in the series) and write. This is why I was particularly intrigued when I read the summary of yours; I simply had to see how you interpreted and played with his character.

Speaking of the summary, it was extremely effective. Writing a good and catching summary without sounding over-the-top is a true art form. Yours did a very good job of introducing the characters – Dumbledore – and creating an interesting situation that made the reader want to read more. As much as I liked the summary, it made me a tad wary when I started reading and realized that the opening paragraphs of the story also functioned as the summary. Having the summary essentially repeated immediately is rather jarring for the reader, as we have the same words put immediately before us twice. If you do, though, want to use a quote like this (because it was an excellent quote), I would recommend putting it in the summary in either italics or quotation marks just so that it is clearer for the reader that you are, in fact, using a direct snippet of the story.

The most interesting thing for me to read in this was your interpretation of how Dumbledore chose James and Lily for the Head Girl/Boy positions. It almost seems as though he chose them as a bit of an inside joke with himself. Initially, I questioned his characterization (would Dumbledore really be so devious?), but then I remembered him telling Harry about why he wasn’t chosen as a Prefect. After I remembered that Dumbledore is, of course, free to choose any student for whatever reasons, that final scene made me smile. It’s almost as if you wrote the Lily/James ship as fate, no?

It was also very interesting to read about the Snape/Willow/Sirius incident from Dumbledore’s perspective. It, in fact, opened a lot of very interesting avenues of thought about how he might react to the other crazy antics of the students (especially the Marauders). There are so many stories that deal with this little episode from the point of view of one of the students, so it was really fresh to read about it from the point of view of Dumbledore.

Your writing, actually, was also quite fresh, overall. You didn’t overly describe things, but rather had a nice balance between description, dialogue, and action. One of the things that really stood out for me was your excellent use of italics throughout the story to emphasize key phrases. This made the dialogue seem a lot more real, as it was easier to imagine the inflection and emotion in the character’s voice with the italics, rather than a simple description of how they were speaking that happened to be thrown in at the end of the line. Also with regards to the dialogue, I liked how you were able to leave some of the lines without a “he said/she said” or a variation thereof at either the beginning or the end. Good dialogue should, in some cases, be able to express its own emotion. I’m not saying that every line should be left without a clarifying statement at the end, but a few lines here and there that can express their own emotion makes the work more powerful to the reader. It makes the reader feel as if they were actually involved in the scene, rather than just being a reader. So, excellent job with your dialogue!

The way that you characterized Albus Dumbledore was extremely interesting for me. I think that you really nailed his little quirky sense of humor that appears in rather unexpected places. This line really solidified that for me:

He was merely patiently waiting for two peoples’ conversation to be over with so that he would not interrupt by walking past them, and he just happened to be in a place where he could conveniently hear what was being said.

Ah, it makes me grin. The combination of humor and intelligence, along with the rather twisted logic that ensures that Dumbledore feels good about his decision, was extremely in character for him. One of the things that he does throughout the series is to twist things around in his mind so that he believes that he’ doing the right/appropriate thing. The entire issue over giving the entire truth to Harry about his eventual fate was a prime example of this. Dumbledore didn’t share very much about it because, in his head, he didn’t believe it was the right thing to do, as it might hurt Harry prematurely. Even though this line was supposed to be quite a bit lighter than the very serious matter of death, I think that it really exemplified Dumbledore and his personality.

One detail that threw me about Dumbledore was how he constantly referred to James Potter by his first name. I know that Dumbledore refers to Harry by his first name frequently, but I believe that he refers to the vast majority of the other students by their last names: Miss Granger, Mr. Weasley, etc. Harry goes by his first name because he and Dumbledore have a fairly special relationship that exceeds the bounds of Headmaster/student. Personally, I believe that James doesn’t have that relationship with Dumbledore and I believe that he would have been referred to and addressed by his last name, simply as a formality.

To wrap up a bit, this was a really great insight into Dumbledore’s character. You really characterized him well and your writing style was excellent. A lovely read!

~Kelly

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the amazing review, Kelly! I will definitely take into consideration your thoughs on the summary and the bit about James's name. I'm really glad you enjoyed this little fic, and that the characterization wasn't off. I hope you will take the time to check out my other one-shot as well! Thanks again :)

I know that I beta-ed this way back, ages ago, but I think that it deserves a lovely review with more than just my comments about trivial grammar things.

So…right. Have I ever mentioned that I adore this story? It’s so light and perfect when you need a small escape from the dreariness of reality. The happily-ever-after, bad boy/good girl, a party scene…it just has everything to make the hopeless romantic within me give a little happy sigh.

Rose is such a great character in your hands. She’s witty, practical, stubborn, and a little bit feisty. All of the exasperation that she has for Scorpius, while secretly wanting him, is really just great for her character. It makes her seem like a real person. It reminds me of some saying out there that says that the person that you always fight with is the one you love. That was a horrible misquote of mine, but you get the idea. It just seems like such a real thing for her to pick arguments with him to conceal that she’s attracted.

‘Stop what?’ he asked, moving his head back slightly to look at her.

‘Trying to seduce me.

This may sound a bit random, but have you ever seen The Graduate with Dustin Hoffman and Anne Bancroft? If you haven’t, it’s a classic that you really must see. Anyway. The reason that I bring that up is because one of the most famous lines is when the character, Mrs. Robinson, says, “I’m not trying to seduce you.” Of course, she really is. And, well, since I had that knowledge, it made this little set of lines a little bit more meaningful to me. Even if it was completely unintended, the parallel is perfect – he is trying to seduce her and they both want it. An amusing (though perhaps unintended) coincidence.

On that same note of amusement, I loved the humor that you have thrown into this. Scorpius seems to be proficient at the nice, sarcastic lines. This one was absolutely my favorite:

‘Who said you have to be?’ he asked, acting surprised. She looked at him, and he smirked. ‘There’s always the wall …’

Naughty!

I giggled when I read that. Actually, come to think of it, Scorpius seems very much like his father in a certain respect: he smirks. Actually, I’ve noticed that a lot of authors, when describing the Malfoy males (from Lucius to Scorpius), have the men smirking. I’ve always wondered if it was genetic. Even though it’s perfectly apt for this scene, I think that it’s just a tad bit cliché for his character and that you might want to be careful when describing his facial features.

Anyways, Jen, that was a lovely read. It was cute and refreshing and I absolutely loved the play and banter between Rose and Scorpius.

~Kelly

Author's Response: This review was just what I needed, Kelly. :) Thank you. I'm so pleased that you like how I've written Rose - I love her as a character, personally. This Rose is a little bit fiercer than how I usually write her, but I think she turned out well. And no, I've never seen The Graduate, although I've heard of it. I guess I should watch that one day. That line was my favourite, too. :D Very naughty, Scorpius. I don't even notice that I'm putting the smirks in, though - I guess it just feels so natural for his character. Oh well. I'll have to think about that from now on. Thank you for this amazing review, dearie!