Aw...this story is beautiful. and this chapter is positively amazing. I love every part of it. Hopefully everything will work out for Harry and Ginny. ANd poor poor George. Can't wait till the next chapter. 15/10

Okay, Jenna, I promised you a review and here it is.

First off, Siobhan is quite possibly the best character I have ever read in the fanfiction world. Her name is so different and very pretty, just thought I would get that out of the way first. ;) Anywho, the way that she can hold her own against Lucius is amazingly done. She can match his wit and cleverness, which I really like. She is smart, and ambitious as any Slytherin would be, and goes after what she wants- Lucius.

The fact that she used Draco to get the object of her desire was perfect characterization- it’s so very Slytherin of her to do. Yet, she is not the typical Slytherin at all. She is rebellious against the things that the pure-blood society holds so dear- her views on the treatment of Muggles and house-elves, her being friends with Harry, Ron, and Hermione- and yet she is still human in that she does not go against everything and believes that she will succumb to her mother and be put into an arranged marriage. I do hope that made sense as I had trouble getting my thought into functional words.

She is also human in that she doesn’t want to believe that she has grown to love Lucius. Her emotion’s after finding out he was a Death Eater were written so very well.

Your characterization of Lucius is spectacular as well. I love the way you write his dialogue, and I think it is really fitting of his character. Of course we now know that the Malfoys love each other with DH and all, but that knowledge doesn’t hinder this fic at all. Nor does it’s being non-canon compliant. You’ve written this so very well that it seems that this should all be canon. Well done.

The brilliance with which you write the romance in this story is so real that it truly draws the reader right in so that they are pulling for Siobhan and Lucius, at least this reader anyway. The playfulness of their romance in the beginning, to the tenderness with which Lucius grows to say ‘my love’ with, to the heartbreak that Siobhan feels… it’s all perfectly written.

I must say that I am so looking forward to see more of Liam in this. His character seems so sweet and I am anxious to see how he will take his sister’s affair with Lucius.

Now, I must touch on Chapter 21: Everything Changes.

Wow. This was just an emotion packed chapter. Your ending made me cry. First, because of the way that Ron died and the way that you wrote that whole scene, and then, because Lucius saved both Siobhan and Hermione.

This line in particular stood out to me as a moment of change in Lucius, whether for sake of his redemption in Siobhan’s eyes or not.

‘Don’t you think it’s time to give up the crusade, Bella?’

It was so icy, cold, and true. It’s a memorable line in the chapter and I truly think it fits both Lucius and the scene beautifully.

Siobhan kneeled next to her and took her hand and squeezed it. They didn’t look at one another, they didn’t say anything. They had already forged their bond, nothing else needed to pass between them. The world had changed.

This was also extremely moving and memorable. It really speaks to the reader the devastation in the chapter. It is simple and pure; everything it should be and nothing more.

Okay, moving on to your characterization of Hermione. I think this best states it.

”But I also want you to know, that whatever the circumstances, you can trust me. For whatever reason, Lucius was against Bellatrix, and he saved my life. I believe he would have saved Ron, too, if only perhaps he’d gotten there sooner. Whatever he may have done, I’ve only witnessed the good, and I would never repay what he’s given me by saying anything against him. Especially if that might harm you in any way.”

You have her perfectly in character here and I can find no nitpick on her; I truly think this is very in her character to say because it is much like Harry attests to the Malfoy’s change of heart after the Battle of Hogwarts. Hermione could attest to some kind of change, and for that, she would never cause him intentional harm, no matter his past sins.

One last passage to comment on:

“I have made mistakes, yes,” he said, his voice once again composed, “but those mistakes are in the past. I have done my best to make amends, and I will continue to do so if you desire it. I’m not asking you to forgive my actions, but that you forgive me for having committed them.”


This was great. I especially loved that last line as it is along the lines of what Siobhan is thinking in the chapter. The wording is brilliant and perfect.

Oh, this is the most wonderful story, Jenna. Your characterization, description, plot… everything is stunning, brilliant, and extremely well written. I could go on for a few more days, so, in short, I applaud you. And I look forward to the next chapters. Amazing story and fantastic work.

-Haylee

I love it!!! it was amazing. i can not wait till the next chapter! 10/10

Author's Response: I\'ll be submitting it tonight

this is a very good chapter...i really liked it and i am looking forward to the next. keep writing this amazing story. i hope you had a good holiday.

Author's Response: thank you! you too!

I wish they would validate this chapter already. I can't wait much longer or i may go insaine! I hope they do it before Christmas!

Author's Response: well they just rejected it so I\'m going to fix it and then resubmit it today so if it\'s up before Christmas it\'ll be a miracle.

Very good chapter. Can't wait till the next one.

Author's Response: in the process of submiting

Personally, I love being evil so, YAY for cliffies!!!
Great chapter, can't wait till the next.

Author's Response: I\'ve got to admit thatyou are the first person to EVER say that....or think it as far as I\'m concerned....way to be original! ;-)

This was really really good. Excellent. I loved every single part of it. I loved the connection that Draco and Pansy share. Amazing job this was one of the best stories I have ever read, fanfiction and not.

Oh Anna, this was such a dark little treat to read. Your take on Rodolphus was very intriguing and different from the many others that I have read. He’s usually shown with either a strong devotion to Bellatrix or at least a love for her, or a strong man who holds his own against her, but who can never quite defeat her power of him. But your Rodolphus is very different from that – he’s a hollow shell, his character barely seems of importance as you read the story, and that’s how we’re supposed to feel. As readers, we’re supposed to be able to feel what the character feels, and I think you achieved that.

I could really sense Rodolphus’ sense of worthlessness in his own eyes, and when he made the decision at the end, I could feel that he truly believed and felt that he was worthless and his death would make little difference in the world. And that is just great writing, because even though you were able to convince the reader of Rodolphus’ ideas being justified in his situation, you were still able to leave the audience with sympathy for him.

The alluring smells of fine wines and dark magic might be pleasant to the unaware, but he was constantly noticing the suffocating stink of sea water and rotting algae.

I loved the detail that you put into describing the location and setting. It really gave off this wonderfully dreary and dank atmosphere that really fit the story.

Bellatrix had even said she would have preferred his younger brother, Rabastan. He who had, as she had so delicately put it, ‘at least shown enough dedication to get himself killed’.

This characterization of Bellatrix was simply astounding. It was just so her. I could vividly picture her telling him that and her believing it, because she was just so devoted to the Dark Lord that dying for him would have given her the greatest joy, and the fact that her husband couldn’t even devote himself that much to their cause would have brought her great displeasure.

Of course it was. His master always knew.

This line was one of the best character moments, in my opinion, because it was exactly how the Death Eaters would think of their Lord and exactly how Voldemort would have been – he would have planned it, or at least known what would eventually happen.

Great work, dear; you’re writing is always a pleasure to read.

-Haylee

These were so incrediably sweet. I loved the second one the most. Really great.

Author's Response: thank you so much. i appreciate you all taking time away from your lives to read something I wrote. <333\'s to all.