Wow! This is definitely one of the most gripping and chilling stories I've read in a long while. I literally had adrenaline coursing through me when Harry fleeing with Catherine. The first couple of paragraphs really set the scene and the mood so vividly and that ran throughout the story and then the twist at the end was just amazing, but so sad.

It was a fabulous portrayal of Harry too, I've very rarely seen him written well as a father, but I thought you caught the relationship that he'd have with his child perfectly.

~Hannah

Author's Response: I\'m glad it is getting people\'s attention again. I think we should have a creepy stories category, I would definately put this one in there. As far as Harry as a dad, I used my own hubby and how he interacts with our our kids. ~Kristy

You've managed to pack a lot of very astute characterisation into a very short snapshot here, Vorona. It's insightful but concise, which is a hard balance to find. You give just enough to give the reader everything they need to know, but it feels like not a single word is wasted or superfluous.

I like how it's a very character-driven piece with very little emphasis on setting, but the little touch of setting you provide at the start on describing the chaos around them holds so much. I love the contrast of the chaos of their surroundings set against these two very logical, ordered men and how of course the cause of that chaos is the one boy who consistently strips the order from their lives and forces them into the sorts of rash decisions they are forced to make here.

Severus' voice is very true to his character, and I really love the little flashes of bitter dark humour, but the fact that you nailed his characterisation doesn't surprise me at all, given I know your fondness for him. I particularly liked his mental run-through of who he might be forced to betray and the insight it gave into the way he views the other characters. I've often thought that there is probably at least a professional respect if not a somewhat amicable edge to his rivalry with McGonagall. I have to confess though that I'd never really considered his views on Molly much before. Your take on it makes a lot of sense; he seems to have been shown kindness by so few people in his life that it seems very much like him to feel a sense of duty towards someone who has treated him kindly.

What does impress me even more than Severus' characterisation though is how well you've characterised Dumbledore. He is a painfully hard character to write, I always think, and you've painted him very well here. I'm really impressed, given it seems you wrote this pre-DH, that you really drew out his manipulative side that was a much more subtle element of his character before the revelations of DH.

One of the things actually that I find most interesting about reading pre-DH stories like this is to see how close they often end up flying to what actually happened in canon and where they differ. One thing I enjoyed here as opposed to canon was the justice you did Severus by allowing his actions to rest on the evolution of his own conscience. There were hints of it in canon with things like his 'Lately, only those I could not save' line, but they rather got overwhelmed by Lily being his motivation. I actually found the way that you allowed his own conscience to be his motivation much more satisfying.

One other parallel with what ended up occurring in canon that leapt out at me was the contrast between your Dumbledore declaring his own expendability and how in canon Severus ended up angry that he felt Dumbledore was treating his soul as expendable. I think possibly that Severus here is far more loyal to Dumbledore than Dumbledore really deserves in fact.

For such a short story, this has really made me think, and I very much enjoyed it.

~Hannah

Author's Response: Hannah - What a wonderful review! Thank you so much for your thoughts. You put your finger right on the reason I tend to prefer pre-DH stories, and although the one I'm writing now includes DH, I have a few other in-progress stories that I started before DH and plan to continue. You put your finger on the reason why: I really dislike that somehow Lily became his sole motivation. He seems like a much more complex (and intelligent) character than that. I will admit, though, that I did see Dumbledore as rather manipulative, even before DH. I'm very glad you found my characterisations of Dumbledore and Severus accurate. Thank you again, very much, for your review! ~Vorona

Well, I can definitely see why this won - it very much deserves to have. You manage to characterise the next-generation so thoroughly in such a short story, leaving the reader with a very strong grasp of who Albus ans Scorpius really are. Harry's response is perfect too. I think you got his reaction spot-on.

You also manage to deal with a difficult issue very well. The law student in me is going to be spending the rest of the afternoon now puzzling over the interesting issues of intention and consent that come up though.

The opening paragraph works really well, you set up Albus' concern and a very imminent dread but then break the tension nicely with the Bowtruckle comment before rebuilding it again. I think that break really helps to avoid any risk of encroaching into melodrama and has a very real feel because those are exactly the sort of absurd thoughts people have in such horrifying situations.

I think that you have some lovely turns of phrase in there as well. I particularly love, Albus could almost see the gears of vigilantism grinding in his father’s mind. Something about that works really well.

I also really like the understated realisation that Albus can't fix this and the way you tied it to the lamp. It really makes it so much more effective not throwing the point bluntly into the reader's face.

One tiny little nit-pick I noticed was in,
He turned back to Scorpius, who had risen from his chair, walked right up to him, and punched him square in the nose with all the force he could muster, sending him sprawling over the row off desks and onto the floor.
I assume you wanted 'of' not 'off'?

The only other thing is a sentencing niggle and sorry this is just me being a pedantic lawyer, but, presuming the Wizengamot follows similar sentencing guidelines to ordinary English courts, I'd expect a sentence of more like 8-10 years (possibly a couple more if Lily's still under 16) for a rape case with similar mitigation to this one. It may well be that the Wizengamot sentences differently but I just thought I'd mention it.

~Hannah

Author's Response: You know, I did not do any research to see what penalties the law would require. I had the idea of vengeful, old members of Ministry sticking it to the Malfoys, now that they finally had an iron clad reason - they have, after all, gotten away with so much in the past.

I'm so glad you got this accepted, Kayla. It's a wonderfully cute little Christmas tale and I really enjoyed beta-ing it.

~Hannah

Author's Response: Thank you Hannah! Its all thanks to you!

I'm really intrigued by this as the start to a story, Paige.

I always think Charlie's a really underutilised character. Something about him makes him one of the most interesting of the Weasleys for me (perhaps it's just that he's the most mysterious), and your characterisation of him here as very much an outdoors type with a strong sense of curiosity suits him.

I completely took the dragon-lore for granted that they'd sleep in caves warmed by volcanic sands, and it was only when I got to the end and saw your author's note with its nod to the Pern series that I realised why that felt so familiar and fitting.

The only thing is though, I'm not sure Romania actually has any significant volcanic activity. I may be wrong but I thought Italy was the only European country with any active volcanoes.

Romania is such a fitting location for a vampire story, and I love that you've taken a traditional folkloric take on vampires that reminded me more of Dracula than of any of the more modern twists on vampires. It was very refreshing and suits the setting perfectly.

There's very little fanfic that I've found that really draws on the fantasy elements of HP, so I find myself with high hopes that this story will be something very novel with its combination of vampires and dragons.

~Hannah

Author's Response:

Yay! A fellow Pern lover! I'm not saying Romania has had recent volcanic activity. The research I've done says it's been 10,000 years, and the volcanic deposits are located in the Northern part of the Eastern Carpathian mountains. That's why I think Jo put the dragon centre there, it's remote, there are caves, and wizards can warm the volcanic sands (even if they have to conjure them first. :D).

I'm an old fashioned, vampires should be vulnerable during day, writer, so I'm looking forward to your feedback!

:)

This is a very sweet, little snippet that fits so well into the framework of what we know and yet adds something so fresh. It’s always satisfying to see a little bit of the background of a seemingly inconspicuous canon moment woven in so colourfully.

It’s quite unusual to come across a story that actually shows the Potters as a contented family – rather than focussing on the horrors of being in hiding and Order members being killed. You have just enough subtle mentions of everything that’s going on outside of their quiet home to make it convincing but without marring the genuinely heart-warming nature of this story.

It was lovely to see James’ pride in his son and Lily’s concerns – it made them come to life, not as individuals or as a couple, as we so often see them, but as parents. It was also a nice piece of continuity in characterisation that Harry should be as reckless and fearless when it comes to flying as a toddler as he was in later life.

I really enjoyed the allusion to the depth of friendship and understanding between Sirius and James too that James can read between the lines of Sirius’ letters in a way that Lily can’t.

Lily knew if there was one thing that would get her son off the new broom, it was the promise of a treat.

This was the only moment that didn’t entirely work for me, because it seemed that, whilst children may fairly easily be distracted by food, it just struck me as perhaps a little too much of a Ron-like moment rather than relating exactly to Harry.

I also noticed a tiny bit of an awkward repetition:

Even she could see that he was going to be just like his daddy, a Quidditch star.

She knew her son would surpass even his father at the game. He would one day be a Quidditch star.

They aren’t overly close together, but ‘a Quidditch star’ is quite a distinctive phrase, and the repetition just stood out for me without appearing to have a particular stylistic purpose.

But those little niggles aside, which are really minor, it’s a very enjoyable snapshot.

~Hannah

Author's Response: Hannah, Thank you for your lovely words. I am going to rephrase the Quidditch star part. As fas as the food part, I wasn\'t thinking of Ron, I was thinking more to the fact he didn\'t get treats with the Dursley\'s and how much he enjoyed the birthday cakes everyone sent him during Dudley\'s diet. On my last reread of DH, the plot bunny jumped into my brain when Harry put the torn photo into the pouch. It meant so much to him. I wondered at the story behind it. Since canon didn\'t give us one, I let the plot bunny have at it. Thanks again for your review. Terri

First, before I say anything else, can I just say that you have a real talent for simple but powerful sentences, Kelly.

You are caught in what feels like a hangman’s noose, only the hangman is the family that you love.

That line completely took my breath away and I think it’s going to be one of those lines that stays with me. It’s one of those sentences that is almost like a slap when you read it because its impact is so forceful it’s almost physical.

I’ve actually just finished rereading DH, so seeing your take on a young Dumbledore is particularly fascinating in that context, because it begins to fill in some of the gaps that DH left in his character and the seeming disconnect between the young man we glimpsed and the old man we thought we knew.

I particularly like how you do have him actually care about Ariana but in a practical way that takes account of her best interests, not necessarily her wants, and is foreign to Aberforth’s understanding of love. It’s much more in keeping with the man he later became. As is the line:

Forever would be an awfully long time without returned love.

It’s another very powerful line actually and typical of Dumbledore’s later wisdom, which is obviously just beginning to take root in his psyche.

Yet, then you balance that wisdom perfectly with the black-and-white perception of youth:

You would have said that he loves you, but he is late. It’s an insult not to be punctual without an excuse.

An older Dumbledore would never, I think, view things that definitively because he understands that life is greyer than that, so it shows just how far he still has to go.

I thought that the ending was particularly poignant and beautifully crafted too:

If he loved you, the world, despite its glaring troubles, might be a little easier to bear.

It’s so sad, and so true and elegantly presented that it fits both the character and this story so perfectly.

Dumbledore’s a character who has always eluded me at the best of times, and his younger self even more so. I make no pretence at understanding him still, and yet having read this I feel that he’s perhaps no longer quite as incomprehensible to me as he was before.

~Hannah

Author's Response: Oh, Hannah. Thank you so very much for your review and the complements therein contained. It's always extremely touching and gratifying as a writer to have someone say that a particular line struck them (physically or mentally ;)). I'm also so very pleased that you thought that Dumbledore's character fit with what we were able to see of him in DH. Dumbledore is my favorite character in HP, hands down. I kind of consider the stories that I write about him to be a sort of homage. I'm glad that you think that I did it right. Again, thank you, Hannah!

I'm an absolute sucker for any fic featuring candles in any way, and reading this story just made me squee so much, Kelly dear, because you use the metaphor so perfectly throughout.

I love the balance of it – you've really made the non-linear structure flow effortlessly from scene to scene and it works to slowly reveal the story and alter mood from the fun sexiness of the start through to the bitter brokenness of the ending.

I've read a fair few Charlie/Fleur stories, but they have always involved Fleur being unfaithful to Bill. It's such an interesting and original premise to switch it around so that it's Bill stealing her away.

I think you've found a great, characterisation of Charlie. Although, we know Ron is jealous of his brothers, it had never occurred to me before that Charlie too, even as the second eldest with his own impressive achievements, might resent Bill for being perfect and always getting there first. It makes perfect sense though.

In the first section in which he is alone brooding in particular, the narrative voice you create for him really shines through. There's a sort of casual, everyman bluntness about him that really suits him, like here:

Now those, those were the days.

Those were the days when a bloke could expect his girlfriend to be a devoted person who would be there at the end of the day, preferably in a good mood.

I think the snide and moody little fragments like, Stupid Bill. similarly work very well, especially in the way that their slight childishness really serves to re-emphasise the sibling rivalry element.

I think that perhaps gets lost a little in the latter stages of that section though, where there are lines like:

Bill had taken away the light in his life, leaving Charlie in the darkness.

Every time he remembered it, it was like there was a guttering light that just might live again, but every time, every single time, it always died.

These bits don't to me have that same authentic Charlie 'voice' that the earlier narrative has, and instead have the more poetic feel of an omniscient narrator. I'm torn though, because although I slightly feel that change of 'voice' disrupts the flow of the story, I also think those lines are amongst the most beautiful in the fic. Regardless, you have a really compelling turn of phrase, dear, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading this.

~Hannah

This is the sort of story that serves to remind me why I love the D/A category. It's so evocative, and chilling and heavy in mood – everything I expect from a good, dark story. Right from the darkly mysterious opening line, this story grabbed me by the throat and had me staring wide-eyed at the screen.

The opening paragraphs really invoked a Lady Macbeth parallel for me, which was wonderful as it foreshadowed the madness which was wasn't yet that apparent in the early stages.

I'm no psychologist, but I can only assume that what is happening to Hermione is essentially a psychotic break with reality, and to see that from the inside, from her perspective, is doubly chilling. As a reader it becomes as hard to distinguish reality from delusion as it is for her, which is an incredibly uncomfortable experience. That's why, in some ways, I found her moments of clarity the most chilling of all – particularly the way that Harry's arrival provoked her recollection of what had occurred only for the delusions to resurface, and then:

Green eyes—not grey. I am going mad.

The simple bluntness of her realisation gave me chills – not least because it must be a terrifying thing to suddenly appreciate and yet she is so far gone that she is almost matter of fact about it.

The brief, broken nature of the flashbacks/dreams adds to the picture of her mental state too. They are so fragmentary, as I would expect her thoughts to be, and they paint such vivid but incomplete pictures. I find the second set particularly interesting, because the narrative thread through the first set about Ron's death is clear, but I'm less sure about the second set, and that sets up all sorts of interesting questions for me as to what happened with Draco's death and how much of those second set of memories are real and how much is delusion, because I assume the break with reality must have occurred between the two deaths.

Bodies rolling across silk sheets, consumed by lust, desperate for revenge . . .

This line is especially powerful and leaves me torn between several very dark interpretations as to whether it's simply a corruption of her happier memories with Ron, whether she seduced Draco in order to get close enough to kill him or whether she actually did have some sort of particularly messed up desire for him (almost Stockholm Syndrome-like, I suppose). I really like the ambiguity here and that it can suggest so many possibilities, each darker than the last.

Something else that I found both unsettling and interesting was the way you used description. I'm normally a huge advocate of using setting to create a dark mood, and I was intrigued by the way, in contrast, you barely used setting at all. I found it unexpectedly effectively though that Hermione moved between two locations that weren't heavily outlined and what or where they were didn't really matter. Focussing the description in so narrowly on Hermione and her actions gave a very claustrophobic feel that added to the intensity. I love it when fics challenge the way I think about writing like that, and you've given me a new perspective on how to create a dark mood.

One piece of description that I really loved was, It is a swirling vortex of death, threatening to pull me into its dark depths. It's both vivid and yet very poetic, and again there's an early hint of her delusional state in there, creating a horror out of something simple and mundane. My only qualm with that paragraph though is that there is a lot of alliteration, and whilst it adds something in moderation, to me it just felt a little like overload there. That really is a tiny little quibble of personal preference though in a great story.

You've taken a very dark and potentially unbelievable premise here and persuaded me of it utterly and made me really think about and reassess a number of things in the process – it really is quite an achievement.

~Hannah

Author's Response: Wow, what a review! Thank you so much! I've always thought this was something oddly different for me and figured that was why it didn't have very many reviews. Yours made up for that. :) Thank you for all the compliments, wow. I'm not sure how much you want to know about the story, but I will tell you a few things, particularly about that second set of memories and Hermione's break with reality. . . the backstory in my head sees Hermione setting out to seduce Draco in order to kill him. This is what happened, although it wasn't as…clean as she had perhaps hoped, hence the injury. Really, I saw her break coming with the realization that she had killed someone, deliberately and methodically, and that's where I started the fic. It was inspired by a rather mysterious banner that had a picture of Draco on one side, Hermione on the other, and "When Love and Hate Collide" in the center. I didn't picture them romantically involved, as in her love for Draco turning to hate, but rather her love for Ron turning to hatred for Draco after Draco killed Ron. I know I had a vague idea of how that happened, but as it was a year ago and not really within the scope of the story, I can't remember. Anyway, I'm so glad you felt that dark, claustrophobic feeling. I do remember setting out to write in such a way quite deliberately - not only the story, but the style itself, and I'm glad it came through. When you think about it, there is somewhat of a setting in this story: Hermione's mind. That was the focus, which was why I didn't worry about her house or the cottage or any other place. And again, I'm glad the descriptive elements relating to that came through. I'm so pleased you enjoyed this little piece. You've made me smile today - thanks again much for the amazing review!! ~Gina :)