A Black Rose and a White Lily
Update on August 9, '12- I have yet to start writing the fifth chapter. So that'll take some time. Okay, so, let's just admit this fic has been abandoned for now.
A Silent Change
Update on August 9 '12 - Chapter 4 was apparently with my betas. Chapters 5 and 6 were all written but I don't have any of these now. So, again, fic has been abandoned for now.
Eventual Embrace
Update on August 9, '12- A sequel to my other James/Lily one shot: Beneath the Shell. A follow up one shot will be coming whenever. Okay, probably never.
I haven't written Harry Potter fanfiction in an age. I highly doubt I'll be writing any more any time soon and continuing these which I wrote forever ago? Don't think that's happening. Enjoy the one shots though. :)
wondrful job!
but u knw which part i lykd the best??
it was da 1 in which out ov the blue alex shouts...sirius black n james potter!
LOL
plz update soon.
Author's Response: haha =D yeah ! im editing the next chapter, cross ur fingers that it will be up soon! =)
thanks for the review! !
LOL. That was like so funny! =D
A few nitpicks though. =)
As the two girls approached him, James could hear Sirius also giggling away at the side of him.
You shouldn't have used the word 'giggling' with guys, especially the Marauders, and especially Sirius. 'Giggling' is more of a girl-y girl word.
“Oh, you know you wouldn’t love us as much if we didn’t act as we do,”
The sentence should end with a full stop, and not a comma.
“Aw, come on,” replied Sirius charmingly, flicking his head back to get his fringe out of his eyes as he leaned in closer to Kirsty and gave her his most winning smile, “you know you love me,”
Same over here.
Dumbledore was stood waiting patiently for the excited conversation to die down.
Either you should cancel 'was', or cancel 'stood'.
Okay, I'm done. =p
“I can’t find my mirror!” Emma suddenly yelled in distress, “I must have left it in my trunk!”
“Oh no!” exclaimed Remus sarcastically.
LOL.
“Personally,” contradicted Sirius with a big mischievous grin, “I prefer masturba-“ However, Lily was too fast for him, and she cast Silencio before he was able to finish his sentence.
LMAO. This part cracked me up. =D
I loved this lenghty chapter. I tend to write long stuff, too. Once I wrote a 10,000 word chapter, but then I cancelled the whole thing out. =O
Oh, and I do love Scottish accents.
LOL. I loved this chapter! =D
“You mean to tell me that you have absolutely no recollection of one of the best nights of my entire life?” Sirius asked, aghast.
“But… we… we didn’t, you know, did we?” babbled Kirsty. Sirius roared with laughter. “What did we say about the laughing?” asked Kirsty meekly.
Bestesht dialogue. =D
Another great chapter! =D
“Oh, if I was a girl I’d definitely have a crush on MacIntosh,” he replied completely deadpan.
LOL. =D I love your Remus!
After a while, Kirsty, who knew full well that Sirius didn’t generally like to eat much, if anything, at breakfast, had taken it upon herself to bug him by forcing the plate of sausages in front of his face repeatedly.
Another refreshing change. Your Sirius doesn't like to have breakfast. In other fics, he's practically piling up his plate with everything within his arm's reach. And he eats disgustingly, and that annoys me a lot!
“Very well, Miss Evans, I shall give you some examples. Statues and suits of armour could be manipulated into putting themselves in the line of fire in order to protect you and others from dangerous oncoming spells, and you could even use them in the offensive,”
The same full stop replacing comma thing. Plus, I see that you've put the Final Battle thing here. ;)
“Sorry, Sir,” Sirius countered politely.
Another nice thing. He's polite to the teachers. =)
Having written down the more important information off the board, Sirius began to become increasingly bored.
And another, Sirius <i>does</i> copy notes, even though he means to copy the others later. He does not have this thing that I'm the best and I don't need to study at all.
“Liar,”
“No,”
“Suit yourself,”
“Hmm,”
Same comma and full stop thing.
Remus had to admit though that what counted in his mind as an ‘unkempt slob’ probably counted in the minds of the fan girls as ‘ruggedly handsome sex God’.
I LOVE this line, and Sirius, too! =D
And another thing, which I completely forgot to mention. I looked up on Google, and found out that 'Typicus' means 'Symbolic'. He's named that 'cause he's an Ancient Runes teacher, right? =D
Author's Response: Haha, well done! A bar of Honeydukes\' finest is coming your way!
I loved this chapter, too! =D
Again Hayley’s enquiries were shunned as Sirius protested, “But, Prongs, you love me. At least that’s what you said that night up on top of the Astronomy Tower…”
Lily laid her fork down and raised her eyebrows.
“Yeah, that was a great night,” agreed James nostalgically.
“I am oh so worried about you two,” declared Emma as she approached the little knot of Gryffindors.
“How do you think we feel?” asked Peter, following in her wake, “we have to share a dorm with them.”
I laughed so hard at this, I had to leave the room, cause everyone's sleeping! lol.
The typos:
Lily groaned. “Those four really are the limit,”
“In your dreams, Prongs,”
“Damn you, White,”
The same comma and full stop thing.
"I still can’t believe that James didn’t try to hex the slimy gets into next Sunday,” stated Kirsty.
I assume that you mean 'gits' and not 'gets'.
“Don’t!” yelled Snape, glaring furiously at Wilkes.
“What’s the matter, Sev? You never seemed to have a problem with calling me that,” stated Lily.
That was really sweet of Sev. I feel very sorry for the poor guy!
Anyways, I loved the 'food fight', the duel, everything. Sirius going down the memory lane was pretty sweet, too. =)
Awesome! I LOVED the flashbacks. They explained quite a lot. And also why the girls and guys became friends, and all. Very good thinking! *thumbs up*
Even more annoying than that was the fact that Kirsty had proven herself to be a natural at acting intuitively with concerns to magic. MacIntosh had been so impressed with her that she had been the only one exempt from that day’s homework.
I like the fact that you've made Kristy the best one out of the group. In DADA I mean. Otherwise it's James or Sirius.
The comma and full stop thing was seen again over here:
"Don’t worry, it’s taken care of,”
The whole 'apple' part was hilarious. It's astonishing how you were able to create a fully fledged scene just out of a bowl of apples. Great work! =D
Oh. My. Gawd! This was friggin' awesome! I LOVED the whole chapter. Especially the guys incading the girls dorms part... 'SNOOPY'! LOL.
Also the whole face paint and the dyed hair. Wow. I can just imagine them like that... lol.
And, Sirius is commenting. I'm sure he'll make the match very interesting.
Looking forward, impatiently I may add, for the next chapter. =D
Um, I'm back. :D I warned you that I would be... it took me long enough. Seven new chapters to read. Awesome. :D Well, on with the review then. :)
You know, I don't think I've ever mentioned this before in any of my previous reviews, but Kirsty's enchanted bag was a fantastic invention. Really, it's so cool. Sort of like an online blog where one posts and the friends comment and such. It's something not exactly important to the story but it adds a wonderful touch to it. I wish I owned one. Sell me one? :D
He really hoped that there would be many more such evenings to come as that night, for the first time, he had truly felt a part of the group. He knew he would never infiltrate the closeness that they all shared, and part of him did not even want to, they were brilliant as they were. In his opinion, the fact that the group had willingly accepted him was enough.
I like this part. It shows that Sam has a lot of fun with the Marauders and the girls, that they were all together in the real sense. But he's truthful enough to acknowledge to himself that no matter how lovely a time they had together, and even though he liked being with them and appreciated that they acted as if he was part of the group, he would never be able to fit in properly. And he's not complaining, he's just content with the way the things are. Excellent characterization!
Another thing I noticed. Again, a pretty random thing. Lol. Sam kisses Emma right after he wakes up. >.> Don't get me wrong, I in no way mean anything bad, I'm just pointing out something which happens in so many books and movies. Guy's sleeping, girl arrives, he kisses her. I personally would find it very weird and sort of yucky kissing a guy who just woke up and hadn't had the time to brush his teeth. Unless, of course, Sam did a cleaning spell before snogging Emma. ;)
I love how much the Christmas reactions wary. I like how Remus is all overly excited about Christmas presents. How he isn't the one going logically like, 'Let's get this done and over with. The sooner we do, the faster we can occupy our beds again.' Something like that if you know what I mean. Lol. He's sarcastic and mature, but when it comes to Christmas, he acts like a kiddo unlike the rest of the Marauders who prefer sleep over the ocassion. Though I clearly do not blame Sirius on professing his hate for his friends. Poor guy waking up at seven am on a holiday. Lol. [I am up right now at five am, but that's because I never slept. >.> Lol.] Emma's acting like... well... Emma... excited and impatient. :D
Sam received a bottle of nice smelling aftershave from his parents, which he hoped Emma would approve of.
This made me laugh. Lol. Approval needed so she continues to kiss him, huh? :p Lol. The rest of the gifts were... hilarious! Especially the picture Sam received. XD Lol. James' gift reminded me of Krum's figure which Ron bought. I love how you have Remus get lots of chocolate. A tiny PoA thing, but I like it. :) Haylee loves 'Pride and Prejudice' maybe because her maker loves it? :p And a reader [that's me] loves it, too. :D Peter being great at Chess is fantastic. There is something in which he's good at. And Chess does need brains. So it isn't as if he's good at something dumb. Also, Sirius' gift do Kirsty... damn. Now why can't he give me a necklace? :( Lol.
Sam was pretty observant in this chapter. The girls know about Sirius and Kirsty, and now Sam's guessed that Kirsty likes Sirius as well. Are the Marauders to thick that they can't see that? Really. This has gone too far now. Everyone notices everything except the people who can change what's happening. Sigh. And then he notices the look in Sirius' eyes... that the feelings are reciprocated... and he tells Emma. Why in the world can't anyone else notice that? :/ Or is Sam being overly astute? Huh.
Oh! And I found something :
“Delicious thanks,” replied Sam, patting his stomach.
I'd say add a comma before 'thanks'. Otherwise, it sounds more like you're saying that 'thanks' is 'delicious'. Lol.
“We compliment each other beautifully then.”
I think you mean 'complement' with an 'e' instead of an 'i'.
The playing in the snow was fun. :) Skating, snow mans, snow balls, snow angels. Wow. And with friends. Perfect setting! The part actually reminded me of my last year at school. No, we didn't do anything with snow seeing that it doesn't snow here, but we did leave a 'mark' behind as Remus says. Though one thing which I noticed is that Remus never mentioned anyone else than the group. He could've made a random observation of a couple walking or something. Just to say that there's other human life as well and not just a few Gryffindors. But it’s not like, important. Maybe he's too busy having fun with his pals?
And damn, man. What is up with the moon? :@ Christmas night? Really! *hugs Remus tightly* *gets glared by Haylee* Lol. But I do feel very sorry for the poor guy. And Haylee too, since it isn't her fault anyway. Why can't Remus just tell her and get done with? :/ Oh, well, I hope the transformation goes fine. :(
I am off to read the next chapter. :D
- Afifa
Author's Response: Woop! Another Afifa review! Oooh maybe I should set up a business selling enchanted bags. Oooh! Have just had a spark of inspiration for story *must write it down before I forget* Thanks, Afifa! lol.
Yeah it was important to me to establish Sam's role within the group.I didn't want people believing that he'd become like the fifth Marauder, because that's what I don't want to happen. So I'm glad you liked it.Hehe! It was way too much fun writing the reactions to Christmas and the presents. One of my favourite bits in the whole story.
Thanks so much for another brill review! I look forward to the next one :D.
~Whit
Lovely beginning! I love Kristy's characterization. She seems a lot like me. :p
I noticed one spelling mistake though:
In addition, she was also wearing dark blue jeans, black boots and a fair bit of jewelry
It's 'jewellery'. =)
*goes to read the next chapter*
So, I'm back! =D lol. But not with a bang. =p Oh, oh, and triple oh. I've got no typos, no mistake to point out whatsoever. So, congratulations on having an utterly perfect chapter up! (Y) =D
“He’s sexy. He’s fine. He’s anything but mine. It’s Northy boy!”
“Hey, Sam, she’s mad—“
“—she wants you in her pants! Oh, Northy-boy!”
LOL. Sirius is downright hilarious. =D And, I've never heard the song by Chaucer. =/ Maybe I should look it up...
His parents had eventually relented, telling him that they would try their best to send him all his presents.
I love how you've have James' parents all over him as it is in canon [JKR's interview]. And, that how he's receiving so many presents. =] By the way, James' parents die between the years 1978-1981. James' seventh year is 1978, and James and Lily die in 1981. You can work out when you want them to die. lol. And, Dorea Black marries Charlus Potter and they have one son. The facts point out the James could be the son, but it's not confirmed. But, if you believe that Dorea's James' mother, the woman should already be dead since according to the Black Family Tree she died in 1977. Um, I think you should look up the lexicon yourself for details, if you'd like to stick to pure canon. lol.
And, the Patronuses/Patroni issue. Lol. I really have no idea, but it could be either of the do. Plural of Animagus is Animagi so there are chances that plural of Patronus can be Patroni. But that sounds weird. Lol.
The stag and the doe.
Sweet. =]
James swivelled around and came face to face with a ghostly-looking lion.
I like how his Patronus is a lion and not a stag.
I’d say that you’d probably be a lot more productive if you didn’t spend half of your time gazing at Miss White out of the corner of your eye.
MacIntosh is awesome. I wish I had a teacher like him. *sigh*
“See, even Lily’s more gentlemanly than you, Sirius,” announced Kirsty.
LOL. Sure. =p
Kirsty looked happier with this response, though she still seemed slightly suspicious as to why Sirius wanted to sleep next to her.
To prank her? Lol. How thick can she get? She's in extreme denial too. You're just not telling us her feelings. =p
“Let’s get some alcohol down us, shall we?” suggested Remus.
Oh. Party!Remus. Lol. But isn't Remus supposed to be all careful? But maybe he's in a party/holiday mood?
“Well, yeah, but only for like a millisecond. I mean, you can’t say you’ve not been intrigued to know what it’d be like… And also you have to admit those mask things they wear are pretty cool.”
Nice. Sirius-ly. I love how you've made Kristy have this thing. Was it sort of preplanned that it would be Kristy saying this and not some other character? You know, because of Sirius and Kristy and the Blacks being on the dark side and all... I like how Kristy's had these thoughts. That she's not the perfect Gryffindor.
“I really do have the best friends in the world, don’t I?” asked Sirius dryly.
Oh, you do, Sirius darling. I wish I had friends like his. lol. Peter included. Because uptil now he's not bad.
In Sirius’ opinion, someone was definitely going to receive a punch in the morning.
LOL. =D
Hang on, fancied? he thought, startled. “And may I ask what’s wrong with me now?” he demanded of Kirsty.
Lol. Somebody's curious. lol.
So you do love her then, pushed his conscience. Oh, shut up! he commanded defensively.
LOL. Yeah, go on and have a civil war inside your head. lol. Really, is it too hard to accept that he loves someone? Lol.
“I kissed James,” Sirius replied simply.
Lol. Now why wasn't that dare unexpected? lol.
“One month that lasted for,” said Emma, grumpily.
What is she being grumpy for? One month's a lot. Really. Being in the same House, same year, same group of friends. In fact, I'm surprised that it remained as a secret for a month!
“Happy birthday, Mr Black,” she said quietly, shifting towards him and ruffling his hair softly, before planting a kiss close to his jaw.
'Close to his jaw.' When is she going to kiss him? Lol. When?
Wow. That was a long review, and as you might have guessed, I absolutely loved this chapter. I laughed through out. Sirius-ly. I did not write 'Lol' above just for the heck of it. The parts did make me laugh out loud.
Now, some more romance? Remus/Hayley and Sirius/Kristy. Though I have a feeling that you'll make us wait for Sirius/Kristy right tell the end. Evil that you are. =p J/k
I won't say to update soon since I can see that the next chapter is already in the queue. lOL. So, go start writing the one after that. And it should be as wonderful as this one. =p Or I'll leave a shorter review. =p LOL.
I'm here as promised. =p And, once again, no mistakes at all! =D
“You’re lovely, do you know that?”
Finally he decides to blurt out the truth.
“I like Sirius!”
So the both of them realise it at the same time? Lol.
“Oh, I can’t believe this is happening! Why the hell didn’t you tell me?” demanded Kirsty.
What the heck? Lol. She doesn't know, her friends know. =/ Lol.
I mean, it would have been like telling the guys, ‘Hey, you like to pull pranks.’”
LOL. =D
“Are not. I mean, come on, you’re not the first girl to have fallen for the sex-god that is Sirius Black.”
“But I don’t want to have fallen for Sirius Black!”
Emma gave a derisive snort. “Kirst, you fell for Sirius the very first moment you clapped eyes on him!”
Apt description of Sirius, I must say. ;] Lol. Kristy is... unbelievable.
“How can I have fancied him all this time without fully realising it?”
My question too.
“I see. I just thought you’d be doing something a little more touchy…”
Lol. Ah... that explains the messy hair and clothes. =p
“And if I were you, Sam, I’d take more care with Emma’s jacket in future. After all, we wouldn’t want you to rip it in your haste now, would we?”
Lol. Uh... I don't think that that would happen. =p Sam strikes as a... controllable person to me. LOL.
Lily and Emma underwent one final round of tongue wrestling with their boyfriends.
LOL. LOL.
“Hayley definitely likes you, mate,” chimed in both James and Peter. Remus looked more than a little shell-shocked.
Why is everyone so thick? =O Is it so difficult to realise that some person likes you too? I mean, just look at Kristy. She doesn't even know that she likes Sirius until she tells him that she doesn't, breaks his heart, then realises that she likes him. Really!
“Yeah, I miss her,” admitted Sirius.
Aw, poor guy.
“No, I’ve gone way past that stage. Believe me, I’ve wished it was just a crush myself.”
So someone's finally admitting. Took long enough.
“No, I don’t think so, guys. You see, the thing is that I love every single thing about Kirsty. I just love the person she is, and in my mind, no one can compare.”
Love. Sirius is in love. Awesome. =D
“Might I be so bold as to suggest that getting a girlfriend may not be such a bad idea? Maybe having someone else to focus your attention on would help to keep your mind away from Kirsty.
Okay, I have a bad feeling about this. Sirius decides to try to get over it, and gets a girlfriend before the girls come back? When Kristy is about to tell him how she feels about him, he intoduces her to his new girlfriend? Then Kristy ends up with a boyfriend? Lol.
“No!” retorted Sirius vehemently. “I don’t want just any old girl! I want her. I want Kirsty! And yes, I realise that I have to move on and get over this, but I’m just not ready yet. I’m not!”
Sweet. =] Love the Sirius who's desperately in love. *sigh*
And so, off the four boys walked into the night, their arms draped companionably around each other’s shoulders.
I love how always show the tight circle the Marauders are. There are the girls and all, but the guys have to stick together no matter what. I wish I had real life friends like these. *Sigh*
Nice chapter. =] [I'm getting out of ideas now... nice, awesome, fabulous, blah. Lol.] I really loved it. The fic is moving on in a good pace and now that the two finally know that they love each other, I'm impatient about the next chapter. *hint hint* Lol. But no pressure. =p I'll just run away with your characters, and give them to Voldemort. /lameness
It's time to end the review. =p
- Afifa
Author's Response: Phew! Finally read through it all :P, not that I'm complaining, I love your reviews! Yes Sirius and Kirsty are certainly dancing circles around each other lol. I can't really think of anything to say, my brain has been fried by exam revision. But thank you so much as usual, you always bring a smile to my face without fail. xx
Panicking, she did the only thing she could think of and introduced the Slytherin team based on the appearance of their hair.
LOL. I swear! The whole 'curly' part was hilarious! I was about to copu paste the whole paragraph, but then it was a bit too long. lol.
“Aaaaaaand… Bitch!” she yelled vehemently at Sian Morgan, who was closely tailing Kirsty in case she made a sudden dive for the Snitch.
Gawd! This one made me laugh out loud for read. Sirius-ly. =D
“No, Emma, you are not dying my hair blond!”
“How did you know that I wanted to dye it blond?”
“Because I know you, Emma.” Emma looked at him affronted.
“Fine, can I dye James’ hair then?” “Sure, go for it.”
“Yay!” exclaimed Emma as she did a little dance of celebration.
“-But only if you let me shave Sam’s hair off first,”
“… I’ll leave James’ hair alone.”
“Good girl.”
LOVED this part. Wow. Sirius and Emma are quite a pair. =p
“Give me your shoe!” Emma’s shrill and booming voice requested.
“What?” asked Sirius, probably in the hope that he had misheard her.
Loved this one, too. =D
For a few moments nobody answered her, but James thought he saw Lily give a jerk of her wand, and he wondered whether she had made to pocket it.
I actually thought of the Memory Charm too. The movement reminded me of Kingsley's hand movement in OotP.
And with that, Sam’s lips met hers.
Lovely! The whole Sam/Emma part was very sweet. =]
I liked the chapter a lot. Really. I don't care much about Quidditch so I didn't really feel sad about Gryffindor losing. I mean, really, they have to loose once at least. They aren't gawdsthat they keep on winning all the matches just because there's a Potter in the team. So, I admire the fact that the Slytherins have one.
And one more thing which I completely forgot to mention. The punch was bloody brilliant. =D
*goes to read the next chapter*
Wow! I loved the whole chapter! And I'm assuming that you love the Disney characters a lot? Not that it's bad. ;) I love them, too.
No mistakes, by the way. ;) Nothing that I could point out.
No cliffie for me! Yay! =D
“Au contraire, my dear Kirsty. You are the black sheep of the White family, and, therefore, you are easily susceptible to looking like a Slytherin. I, on the other hand, am the white sheep in the Black family, and, therefore, I am more susceptible to being, and looking like, a Gryffindor,” he finished, looking rather proud of himself.
LOL.
“I asked Lily out!”
“Yeah, what else is new?” asked Sirius flippantly.
Hehe. I was sort of expecting this reaction by the way. Sirius is becoming way too predictable. lol. But it still made me laugh. Hehe.
“I’ve been waiting three years to do this, and you are not going to take it away from me now.”
Aw... cute.
James calmed his nerves, took a deep breath and asked, “Lily Evans, would you allow me to accompany you to professor Slughorn’s party this weekend as your date?”
This is so formal, it almost seemed like a proposal. lol. Not that it's bad though. =]
“When did it happen?”
“Where did it happen?”
“How did it happen?”
“Have you kissed yet?”
“When did you start liking him?”
“Who initiated it?”
“About half an hour ago, in the Room of Requirement, Lily pounced on me, more times than you can count. Personally I’ve always thought I was quite a catch, and surprisingly Lily did and about bloody time too.”
Hehe. =D LOVE the answers. =D
“Not a girl, my girl - this is Lily we’re talking about, Padfoot… Lily.”
Oh dear, Merlin! This was really sweet. =]
“They’re enquiring as to whether or not you’re gay, Padfoot,” Remus informed him helpfully.
I think I've mentioned this before, but I'll say it again. I. love. your. Remus. Really. He's so sarcastic, and intelligent, and fun. It's great to read his dialogues.
“What?” yelped Sirius. “Sirius Black, gay? That’s an abomination; that’s what it is! Prongs, you go ahead and go on your stupid date. See if I care!”
Hehe. Lol. I love Sirius to death, and I should hate you for this, but I don't. lol. It's pretty funny, actually. =D
“Time of the month,” Emma informed them all knowledgeably.
LOL.
“Slug alert,” she whispered in James ear.
'Slug alert'! lol.
“Oh, no, he’s coming back!” exclaimed Lily in dismay.
“Quick, this way!” instructed James, removing his hand from around her waist and taking a hold of her hand instead.
It seems as if I'm reading one of the Famous Five series [by Enid Blyton... it's about adventures and all in case you haven't come across them], and the bad guy is there, and one of the kids goes on like let's go the other way and hide there. lol. [Okay, that was totally random. Sorry.]
“Hang on,” requested Lily, bending down and slipping off one of her silver sandals.”
A typo over here. The closing inverted comma shouldn't be there.
Um... yeah. That's about it. lol. Well, I love the fact that James and Lily are finally together. The beginning scene in which Sirius and Kristy are exchanging dialogues.The question answer session. Everything. So, yeah, great job! =]
Wow! I has started reading this chapter last night, but due to some problem had to leave it half way through. Right now, I have this major headache but I HAD to read the whole chapter, and well, it's been worth it! =D
the whole James/Lily thing was very, very cute. James is really sweet! =)
And, Krist and Sirius. Let's just say that she's really lucky. i'd give anything to be in her place. =D
hopefully the next chapter will be validated soon. can't wait. great job, hun!
It was awesome. Sirius-ly. I especially loved Peter's characterization. The whole fighting part, him being sarcastic, everything. It seems real. Other authors have him tagging around, he doesn't seem significant in their fics. They seem to forget that Peter was a part of the group.
"Are you okay?" Sirius asked Kirsty, concern etched into every line of his face.
I'm guessing that Sirius and Kristy will be having a thing soon? =D
"Okay, us girls will get changed first," replied Emma.
The boys looked like they had no intention of moving; they just sat there waiting expectantly for the girls to get changed.
Kirsty and the other three girls stood in front of them with raised eyebrows and crossed arms.
"You're not bothering us," stated Sirius, innocently.
"OUT!" exclaimed the girls in unison.
I know that others have said this, but I'd like to repeat, I LOVED this part. It's hillarious!
So I was away for six months, and you have five new chapters up. =D
He he he!
...
Xxx
...
Mwahahaha!
The letters Hailey writes to Kristy, well, I do not think that in the 1970's these words are used. Fine, I know they're like best of friends but did mwah and all exist at that time?
-------------- *
I'm not sure whether this is on purpose or not, but I thought I should mention this just in case. Either use the star or a dotted line. Remain consistent.
All four Marauders along with Sam were currently sat at the small table at the back of the common room.
It should be 'sitting' not 'sat'.
“Well, I think it’s safe to say that we’ve learned first hand that it is indeed the girls who make the party,” commented Remus dryly.
True. =D
“Can’t wait to stick your tongue down her throat more like,” sniped Sirius.
Ha ha ha. Lol. =D
“He’s lovesick!”
Very much. *nods*
That was the final straw, Sirius decided that the following morning he was going to take James’ broom and beat him repeatedly around the head with it, Christmas or no Christmas.
...
Where was that broom?
Lol. =D Hilarious.
“It’s Hayley. I like Hayley.”
Someone who doesn't beat around the bush.
As predicted, James’ tongue swan-dived down Lily’s throat the second they embraced each other, and two feet away, Emma and Sam were partaking in a similar struggle.
*lol*
Awesome story so far. *goes to read the next chapter*
Author's Response: Yay! Your review is full of awesomeness as usual, Afifa! Thank you so much! Glad it made you laugh!
The letters Hailey writes to Kristy, well, I do not think that in the 1970's these words are used. Fine, I know they're like best of friends but did mwah and all exist at that time?
Good point, I'd never thought of that, thanks for pointing it out.
Yes I do purposefully have both the '*' and the '------' because the first shows a change in time or place and the latter shows a change in POV :).
Thank you!
~Whit
The mistakes:
Peter was sat with his legs draped over the arm of his armchair, his hand resting on his growling stomach in an attempt to tame it.
The 'sat' shouldn't be there.
“Poor James,” stated Sirius sympathetically, catching a glimpse of the solitary figure sitting miserably underneath the beech tree on the edge of the lake.
There should be a comma after 'poor'.
“Maybe,”
The same comma, fullstop thing. lol.
Not impressed that his secret had been sussed, Sirius jumped on top of him and the two boys started to have a good old scrap, giggling violently as they did so.
The same giggling thing.
Right, I'm done. lol. I loved the whole James- Sirius thing. Next, the whole Sam-Emma thing. And the whole James-Lily thing. And I loved the 'Bloody alcohol' dialogue. =D (Can you tell that I'm on a hurry?)
One more thing: update soon. =D
LOL!! =D
man! i can't stop laughing!! i wasn't sure about the 'wand' thingy...:P but then i read the replies to the reviews... it turned out to be that i was right after all!! hehe. good job! i'm going to check out your author page right now!
Author's Response: Glad you liked it -- and yes, you clearly got the wand reference right! :)