04/01/05
http://tainted-sanity.com
Hello my darling visitors :) Yes, this is the same QueenHal who was crazy enough to take on the job of redesigning MuggleNet Fan Fiction for MNFF-2. I'm also the same QueenHal who runs the Bannermakers Association at the forums.
But as much as I love to design and make pretty pictures... I also love to write. Here you will find the cozy little corner of Haley. Er, I mean - here are the stories I've authored. I'm rather proud of everything I've posted here--but I know that they wouldn't even be here if it weren't for my darling SPEWers. How I love those crazy kids.
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Current Fictions:
Spirits of the Storm * 7th Year * PG-13
Ivory Tower * Historical * PG
Lanette and her Grandmother
Spirits of the Storm - Ch. 4
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From Fen to Glen by Magical Maeve
Rated: 6th-7th Years •Summary: Salazar Slytherin is old and weary, but still working his own brand of magic. He finds himself in a tavern in the northern town of Alnwick, reflecting on what was, and on what could have been.
Date: 04/24/06 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue
Jan! Jan! Jan! Someone whispered to me that you were writing a Salazar/Rowena and I just about popped with excitement. (And that's “popped” not “pooped” in case you were wondering). S/R is most definitely my little-known OTP. Now with that said, I must tell you how perfectly perfect this prologue was. Immediately and thoroughly you have set the stage for this piece: It's dark, it's medieval, it's real and well thought-out. Your Salazar is one that I'm immediately drawn to—he's not an evil man, as so many make him out to be; you've made him a real character who's been driven to a certain mindset by unfortunate circumstances.
And now you have me drooling for more.
There's so much story here already... in this grungey pub in this little town of Alnwick. And I'm adoring the idea that Salazar is there to build the very castle that has provided the backdrop of Hogwarts in the Harry Potter films. Yet, obviously, he has another agenda...It's so appropriate that I'm in awe of the idea. It's a perfect beginning to this tale you are about to spin. And Ruairi—a squib born to Rowena and Salazar? Could this be the reason behind his betrayal? Again you have me enthralled with the beginning threads of what I know is going to be an intricately woven plot.
And now.... onto the next chapter. *rubs hands together*
Author's Response: Glad you like the S/RR ship. It\'s rapidly becoming my OTP! Thank you for a lovely review. I hope you think the rest is as good.
Date: 04/24/06 Title: Chapter 2: Birth
I am tempted to just set up a shrine for you right now. But I won't... I have a review to write first ;)
So Salazar grew up in medieval Afganistan—now that is a take I've never even heard of before. It's so refreshingly original and different, and yet, it fits. And the bit about him being the “bringer of disaster” is so ominously correct that it brings shivers to my skin.
You've obviously done an impressive amount of research for this story—and it shows. The description of the bazaar marketplace, of the slave trading, of the Kabul characters, are all incredibly wonderful and detailed. When an author takes the time to really research, it's just such a lovely gift to the reader. Thank you for this.
I forgot to mention previously how delicious your descriptions are. For example, “The shouts of the traders traced a lively path above his head, and his dark eyes drank hungrily of the scenes before him.” is a line that is just thrilling to read. Even without speaking out loud, the words just roll around like sweat honey on my tongue. You have this incredible gift with words. And not just words, but storytelling in general. Your sentences flow perfectly, your story progresses just the right rate. I'm envious of this ability.
I wish I could find something to concrit... but it's nearly impossible. Your characterization, structure, and storytelling ability is just so flawless. My only qualm is with this line:
“Because I am a snake too,” Salazar said. “but I didn’t get your body.” I know it's supposed to be a simple line, but it just doesn't roll right in my head. Perhaps, “I just wasn't born in a snake's body.” I'm not sure... it's really fine as-is, although “But” could be capitalized.
Otherwise, I've got nothing. All I know is that this story is going to be the best Founder Era tale I've had the pleasure of reading. Thank you, Jan.
Author's Response: *blushes desperately* Thank you. *blushes again*
Date: 06/12/06 Title: Chapter 3: Re-birth
How I love your writing, dearest Jan. You make everything so rich and colorful that it's just a delight to read. I love how you're going forward with the plot in this chapter, naming the Blonde Man (Malfoi?! As in... Malfoy?), giving him a a distinct and intriguing personality, introducing the Gryffindor father and son, tying in the “Fen” to the story...
I'm slightly confused about the language subplot you've introduced. Is Salazar able to understand English only at certain times and not at others? Or does this have something to do with his Parseltongue? Or is this all connected? Speaking of Parseltongue, I find it highly interesting that the elder Gryffindor can speak it as well. You've got me very curious...
Thank you kindly for another wonderful chapter, as finely woven as a tapestry. I hope you continue to grace us with further chapters in this story... it's too good to go without.
Author's Response: I don\'t think I\'ve treated the language thing with as much clarity as I might have done. I\'ll have to look at that section again. Thank you again for a wonderful review. One of the most rewarding things about writing is knowing that someone is enjoying it. :-)
Date: 06/12/06 Title: Chapter 3: Re-birth
How I love your writing, dearest Jan. You make everything so rich and colorful that it's just a delight to read. I love how you're going forward with the plot in this chapter, naming the Blonde Man (Malfoi?! As in... Malfoy?), giving him a a distinct and intriguing personality, introducing the Gryffindor father and son, tying in the “Fen” to the story...
I'm slightly confused about the language subplot you've introduced. Is Salazar able to understand English only at certain times and not at others? Or does this have something to do with his Parseltongue? Or is this all connected? Speaking of Parseltongue, I find it highly interesting that the elder Gryffindor can speak it as well. You've got me very curious...
Thank you kindly for another wonderful chapter, as finely woven as a tapestry. I hope you continue to grace us with further chapters in this story... it's too good to go without.
Author's Response: Hee hee. gremlin.
Life is But A Dream by Pondering
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: When Sirius passes through the veil, he ends up in the Realm of Dreams. He manages to wake up. But when he wakes up, it’s the 30th of October 1981. The past fourteen years have never happened. He has a chance. Will it all be for naught?
Note: The word count for the story is incorrect, it should read around 21096 words. I arrived at this amount by adding the word count for the individual chapters together.
Date: 05/13/06 Title: Chapter 1: I. Row, Row, Row Your Boat.
Interesting premise! I admit I was a bit skeptical at first to read it, because the idea could easily turn cliché, but something kept me reading. I love how you envision the realm behind the veil—and I think it's your strongest point in this chapter. It's truly mystifying and an fact, almost like something out of a myth itself. It really works. I also enjoyed reading about Luna's mum, and had a nice surprise when I found out it was her.
Sirius, I found a bit out of character, though, as much as this character worked for your story. However, I found him a bit... accepting? (For lack of a better word). Sirius is the type that would fight for the death for anything. I just didn't see him fighting at all. And not once did he worry about the outcome of Harry and his friends.
A few examples of OOC Sirius:
“He would only miss out on the battle.” As much as this option would be welcome as a opposed to death, it's certainly still not Sirius' cup of tea. He'd want to be IN the fight, helping Harry. I might insert a little side comment from him after this line. --Bollocks, Sirius thought fiercely, How can I help Harry, now?-- might work.
“It’s like someone spilled the insides of my head into a black, lightless pit,” he mused silently. He would have spoken out loud, but a voice required a body.
Even though he's just thinking it, the above line seems really awkward. Sirius is a rash man—not an introspective one. You could, however, use that as a description. It's a fantastic bit and would work well as one... however, I'm not big on it being used as Sirius' line. Not at all.
Also, in your last paragraph... have him think about something other than himself. Possibly Harry? Or James? Something that hooks Sirius' present state to the adventure he's about to enter. Maybe have him think-- “So James, this is what it's like to really die.”
Or something. Your story :) However, I really do think if you take into consideration my concrit, you will have a much stronger narrative. Keep it up!
Author's Response: Yeah, I do realise he\'s a bit OOC. I find Sirius a bit hard to write, personally. This is good practice. :) I tried to change some of the second chapter to reflect this, but he still seems a bit too accepting, but not overly so as he was before I rewrote it.
Swallow Your Pride by KASK
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: I'm not really sure how or when it happened. I'd say somewhere between when he saved my life (and didn't even mention it!) and our late-night conversation. Or maybe in third year, but I just repressed it. No matter when it happened, something clicked with James Potter, and I felt like a fool. Especially when I learned that he had a girlfriend. Hopefully with stories of a nude Petunia and my charm, he'll see the light.
This will be six chapters.
Date: 07/23/08 Title: Chapter 1: Charming Dictionaries
Adorable! I'm really looking forward to the last chapters. I love the way you've portrayed all of the characters. Thanks for slipping in a nod to Severus in the last chapter, I was wondering why we hadn't seen him around...
Author's Response: Thank you! As for Severus, I figured it was time for him to make an appearance. :]
Harry Potter and the Golden Sepulcher by leesmiley
Rated: 6th-7th Years •Summary: In the aftermath of the Battle of Hogwarts, the survivors must move on to rebuild the wizarding world. However, a new threat is rising, putting at risk the tentative gains made by Harry and his friends.
Date: 04/27/08 Title: Chapter 11: Chapter 11--Much That is Hidden
Oh dear! I just stumbled on this story during my first foray back into Fanfic in a while and have absolutely fallen in love! This is brilliantly written and just downright wonderful. I love how everything you mention in passing becomes relevant later... everything ties together so very nicely. The characterizations are lovely and thoughtful, and I love the subtle humor. There is also this sense of gratification I get that fanfic rarely ever provides. This is just good. Really good.
I do hope that you are able to finish this story - it's too good to give up on. I'm just hoping the fact that it's three months after your last update isn't too bad of a sign.
Author's Response: Thank you very much. Work on this one has been delayed on other projects, including a novel that I hope will soon be published, but I have been working on it the last few days and will hopefully have another chapter in the queue soon. Thanks for the great review!
Sadie Murray and the Enigma Scroll by star_sailor
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Sadie Murray is your typical American girl, stuck in the middle of her family. Sadie has an older sister who is popular, talented at everything she does, and lavishes in the respect she garners. Sadie's younger sister is pretty, adorable, cute, and uses these characteristics to cover up the fact that she's a nasty little brat. But Sadie's luck just might change when she receives a letter saying she has been accepted to The Salem Institute of Magical Learning.
Date: 07/16/08 Title: Chapter 1: The Murrays and Ms. Yates
I'm quite enjoying your story! The first few chapters (Sadie in the Muggle world, and the intro of Mrs. Yates) were especially wonderful to read. I am glad that you've gotten a Beta, because your writing, though strong, often calls for a fine-tuning. I've noticed that you tend to reiterate quite a bit, and aren't always consistent with your grammar and style. But I know this will only get better with time, and you've definitely got the story as a great backbone.
You excel at creating dynamic characters - I love them all! I also adored discovering the Wizarding World all over again through Sadie's eyes and ears. However, I think your story's weakness lies in the fact that you're afraid to separate from Harry's Wizarding World. I was frankly disappointed in your last couple chapters... you set the American WW up to be quite original (despite some allusions to Harry's), but as soon as we stepped into Orthogon Ave., I just felt like I was reading Sorcerer's Stone all over again - but without the same thrill. Same for the Salem Express. Even more for Salem Institute itself. The Houses, Prefects, Great Hall, even the students' mentality and ways of speaking lift directly from the pages of Rowling with just some tweaking to the names and descriptions.
Now, don't get me wrong, you do bring some wonderful additions to JK's world, but I still feel like I was jipped out of a creative, imaginative story that I KNOW you can write. You've got all the makings, but you're not taking risks. You even admitted in the notes for your last chapter that without your Beta's prompting, your sorting ceremony would have been terribly unoriginal.
You don't have to write exactly like J.K. Rowling to scribe a brilliant story that honors her creations. Please, please, please do yourself a favor and really take a look at your next chapter before you post it; consult your beta - that's what she's there for! Is Ellicot sounding too much like McGonogall? Is Potions taught by someone cruel? Are all the classes the exact same ones offered at Hogwarts? Do the staircases move?
Ask yourself questions like those, and then perhaps muse over ones like these: how does the American Wizarding World distinguish itself from the others'? And New England itself carries an entirely different mentality than anywhere else in the world. How would these viewpoints and traditions carry over? Hogwarts is firmly rooted in English boarding school traditions. What are New England boarding schools like? Do some research. Read classics like 'A Separate Peace' and 'The Catcher in the Rye', then read Curtis Sittenfeld's delicious, but realistic "Prep", and even the trashy 'IT GIrl' novels. Once you have, you'll be able to visualize a much more distinct 'Salem", with American boarding-school-based traditions.
I haven't written a review this long since I was in SPEW a couple of years ago! I think that's because there hasn't been any story that's grabbed me as passionately as this one. I really want this to be as successful as it can be. I'll be faithful to this story till the end :)
If you'd like to reach me, my aim is QueenHal, or you can PM me on the forums. Good luck, dear!
Author's Response: Thank you for the excellent review. You certainly bring up some excellent points throughout. I'm glad you have enjoyed the story thus far. And frankly, I'm excited that you have interpreted the story the way you have. The fact is, England influenced New England, so there are certainly going to be stark reminders of the elder culture in Salem. "I just felt like I was reading Sorcerer's Stone all over again," is exactly what I want readers to feel. I'm aiming to grab those nostalgically missing the original series. The fact there is no thrill is because we're all loyal to the original; a second series in the same style will never realize the excitement as the prior. I'm not sure how you see that the characters mentalities and way of speech is similar to those at Hogwarts, since the characters themselves have no relation. And I'm not sure who you're quoting, but "terribly unoriginal," seems to me a harsh overestimation to an idea. Is Ellicot sounding too much like McGonogall? For now, she certainly seems similar, but we'll need to learn more about her to make an accurate statement. Is Potions taught by someone cruel? We haven't even met the professors yet, so how are we to know? Are all the classes the exact same ones offered at Hogwarts? For underclassmen, yes, a strict internationally indoctrinated standard exists, imposed by the ICW. Do the staircases move? Certainly not. I am thankful for your criticism and comments though, and absolutely take them in to account.
Rowena's Song by Pondering
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: It is time for Hogwarts' winter feast, and yet Godric has not returned to the castle. Helga worries and Rowena writes a song.
Written by Pondering of Ravenclaw
Date: 05/28/08 Title: Chapter 1: Rowena's Song
Oh that was wonderful! I love myself a good founders fic... And that last line definitely gave me chills. Wonderful, dear!
Good Luck by Pondering
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: Minerva McGonagall feels anything but lucky when she is sent back in time by Dumbledore on a mission meant to test her stamina, morality and Animagus skills.
But when she runs into a young red-haired boy with familiar twinkling blue eyes, she soon discovers there might be a lot more to her task than previously thought.
A Gauntlet 5 Entry by Pondering of Ravenclaw.
Date: 05/28/08 Title: Chapter 1: Good Luck
Oh this was just fantastic! You have such a grasp on the World.... the characters, the way magic works, the way -time- works... it all fits in so well to the world we know, but also adds that new layer of awesomeness. Everything I read of yours just makes me want to read more!
Author's Response: hehe thanks :) I remember you leaving a SPEW review on my first story on MNFF over two years ago and pointing out some OOCness. XD I\'d just like to thank you again for that because if it wasn\'t for you and other people pointing out things like characterisation to me, it\'s likely that I probably wouldn\'t have looked too much closer to it. =) So yeah, even if it was a while ago, it was one of those reviews that actually did inspire me to improve. =D
Alexandra Quick and the Thorn Circle by Inverarity
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary:
Winner of the 2008 Quick Silver Quills Award for Best General Story.
The first book in the Alexandra Quick series.
The war against Voldemort never reached America, but all is not well there. When 11-year-old Alexandra Quick learns she is a witch, she is plunged into a world of prejudices, intrigue, and danger. Who wants Alexandra dead, and why?
This story is canon-compliant with the Harry Potter universe, but the characters and settings are all original. I've put a lot of work into envisioning a world as detailed as the original series; I hope you enjoy it.
Date: 06/03/08 Title: Chapter 13: Chicken
Oh this is GLORIOUS! Every once in a while, I decide it might be worth it to check out the "American Wizarding World" fics... yours is the first I've read that has been so completely visualized, beautifully written, and fully developed. You've created a world here, and all your hard work has definitely paid off. Your characters are delightful, interesting, and believable. I feel like every single one of them has a backstory that we've only seen the surface of. Miss Quick is a wonderful heroine, and I just can't wait to see more of her. I have a feeling her mysterious father is someone we know well... perhaps Harry Potter himself? I can certainly see the similarities, though I enjoy the differences.
Congratulations with this, I can't wait to read more of your masterpiece.
Author's Response: Thank you for the kind words. Harry as Alex's father? Well, he'd have to have been about sixteen. Hmm.... ;)
Albus Potter and the Year of the Badger by Sly One
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary:
His fears? Flying...his own wand...fitting in...sticking out! His best friends? A passionate fire-breathing cousin, and a cool, aloof Death Eater's son. His destiny? Anything but ordinary!
Join Albus as he experiances his first year at Hogwarts and begins the journey out from under his father's collosal shadow, if he can survive it of course!
Meet the new Tenacious Trio, Albus Potter, Scorpius Malfoy, and Rose Weasley
Date: 06/20/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Compartmentalized
Wondeful story! I'm looking forward to seeing more of it! I have to admit... I googled the title in case you had more chapters somewhere else (I just couldn't stop at 5!), and I was pleasantly suprised. Can't wait to see more, i'll be on the lookout.
Author's Response:
I've actually got eight chapters written so far. I hope I get to post them for you real soon! Wish me luck! Keep reading!
SLy
Marissa and the Wizards by JCCollier
Rated: 1st-2nd Years • Summary: Two years after Voldemort's downfall, Headmistress McGonagall finds a puzzling decrease in new Muggle-born students. Consulting the magic Quill, she and Flitwick find even wizarding children being born without magical ability. Each year fewer students are listed. If the decline continues, within decades the classrooms of Hogwarts will be half empty. Concerned how far the problem spreads, McGonagall sends a message to the Quill schools of the other continents.
In Brazil, the world of magic is revealed to a young homeless girl. When Marissa cautiously accepts an education in the wizarding world, the choice will lead her to an object somehow tied to the unknown cause of the wizarding decline. But as she struggles to show any ability at all, she is unsure if she even belongs in their world. What role can a neglected street beggar have in events that wizarding schools of all the world may soon be part of?
Date: 08/08/08 Title: Chapter 7: Chapter 7 - Witness Stone
Ahhhhh that was made of WOW! Why did it have to end? Hun, you've created the most magnificent school. It exceeded all my already high expectations. It's brilliantly original, though you've kept certain things (like Houses) to connect us to the source material. This is a masterful chapter... I also really enjoyed the history of the school. I can tell you've put a lot of thought into the back story, and it shows in every paragraph. It doesn't seem like you have any weaknesses really - even your characterizations are incredibly strong. I find myself wanting to know more about every character you present. I'm interested to see how your sorting goes... are the house leaders really picking their firsties? That's intense! Rather like being picked for a sports team in grade school and getting picked last... poor Marissa, I hope she gets a break pretty soon!
Author's Response: Thank you for the positive review, Haley. Marissa's actual arrival at school was kind of a turning point chapter in my story and I'm glad you think it came out well. I especially appreicate the comment on the history, as it was a section that gave me problems. The speech by the librarian (or tour guide narration as I called it when writing) was originally four times as wordy before I edited it to what I hoped was a proper size. The next chapter is titled 'Choosing More Teams Than Two', so yes they really are!
Date: 09/01/09 Title: Chapter 12: Chapter 12 - A Bird's Eye View
Ohhhh please update, please! I just adore this story. After recently coming back to it, I'm eager to learn more about Marissa's new gift. Brilliant work, JC.
Author's Response: Well hello QueenHal! So good to hear from one of Marissa's orignal fans (and creator of her first banner). Next chapter is slowly coming to completion, will be submitted soon.
Date: 07/16/08 Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 5 - The Wizards Market
Oh my! This has been the most delightful chapter yet! You have such original imagery... I LOVE the Wizarding Market, the changing stores, and the Samba studio entrance. We knew from the start that Marissa is special... but it's becoming even more apparent that we haven't seen nothin' yet. I'm already itching to make a banner for this...
Author's Response: Why, thank you. I would love a banner (and I see from the forums that you are the very best for the job). Should I provide suggestions or just let you surprise me? I'm glad you are enjoying Marissa's story.
Date: 07/10/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 - The Tale of the Quill
This is lovely! I'm impressed with all your characters, your descriptions, and your dialog. You've already managed to create quite a compelling, intelligent story. I'm looking forward to seeing how Marissa gets along with her new school. This is already promising to be a worthy addition to the non-european HP verse in the same vain as "Alex Quick.."
Author's Response: Thank you for your comments. I hope I can keep all the readers\' interest as Marissa is immersed in the Wizarding world. She has quite a culture change ahead of her, and a few surprises.
Date: 07/22/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 - The Tale of the Quill
This was a truly amazing chapter. I loved seeing Marissa interact with all the other children, and I too, couldn't get enough of your train! But my favorite part was the children dropping through the sky over the rainforest. That was such stunning imagery! In fact, it was this picture that inspired me for the banner.
... which is finished and now posted in my thread in the BA forums! I do hope you like it! Tomorrow, I'll PM you on the Forums with how to paste it in your Bio. I'd do it tonight, but the site is acting up.
Author's Response: My falling first years! It's so cool to see a scene from your own story captured by an artist. Thank you so much. The next chapter should be up soon and I hope you enjoy Marissa's landing.
Flight in the Nothing by greeneyes, LilykinsLove
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: When Rose Weasley becomes the first of her family to be sorted into Slytherin house, controversy unfolds. Her difficult relationship with her mother becomes even more strained, and her family life seems to dissapate with harsh words during holidays. After seven long years of learning to accept who she is, Rose's life takes another sharp turn as a romance begins to develop between her and a fellow blonde-haired Slytherin. The supressed animosity between her family and his create difficult challenges and conflicts for their budding relationship, giving Rose cause to rethink her choices and the last seven years of her life.
Date: 07/23/08 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue
DUDE this is a fantastic first chapter! I think this is the first Rose-centric fic I've read, and I absolutely loved it. I adored how you wrote her interactions with and her feelings about her parents. Getting inside her head, I can completely see the Slytherin. Looking forward to more!
Follow the Basilisk Home by indigo_mouse
Rated: 3rd-5th Years • Summary: Time is the magic that transforms the words and deeds of mortals to myth and fable. Who were the Hogwarts Four? Who were the people behind the legends? This is the story of the monk and maven, healer and hero who lived and dreamed and built a school in years long gone.
Date: 08/08/08 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3 - Fledgling
Another lovely chapter. Rowena is presented much differently here than I have ever seen her, and I adore it. "Frail and thin, with nothing of beauty to remark on, I learned to please him with precocious knowledge." - a wonderful line, and the relationship with her father is fascinating and believable. For the first time, we hear all of the founders mentioned in one chapter. I really like how you've made them all different ages, with vastly different knowledge and skill levels. I'm just itching to find out how they all come to the decision of building a school together... speaking of building, is it possible the Ravenclaw castle is the foundation of Hogwarts? Or do you have something more grand in mind? Not that you have to answer of course! I'm thrilled to read Godric's POV now, especially since Rowena is engaged to his brother.
Author's Response: Its an interesting thought, to have the Ravenclaw castle as the foundation of Hogwarts, although I am not sure that I can make that work with what we know from the books. I think that Hogwarts would be rather farther north than where I have placed Ravenclaw, but there is a historical event that would dovetail nicely into making the two more connected than I had originally planned.
Fortuitous thought! And thank your for the review!
Date: 08/05/08 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2 - Den Mother
Gosh, I just love this. I love how we're slowly being introduced to each of the main players, hearing their voices... you still have me on the edge of my chair, waiting for the next installment!
Author's Response: Thank you! Trying to find a different voice for each character is an interesting exercise. I find that when I read the chapters aloud (which I do to help find awkward sentence structure) that I take on different accents without really intending to. I'm so glad you are enjoying it, and I DO love my banner :-)