The inevitably cold, stormy winds began swooping around the castle. Fall was underway during these first days of October.
The Marauders, Lily, Nikeia and Josephine had talked a bit to Stacey over the next days, just for the sake of appearances. They may have even had thoughts of trying to get her back to their side, but they knew deep down that if they did succeed, she would most certainly go through pain as she has never felt before, and probably never would again.
James and Lily spent many of the nights in their common room, talking or working on essays. James was pleased to find that Lily was actually willing to help him now, not that she gave much away beside subtle hints on which books to read, or certain clue words that helped him. He found that their conversations were quite enjoyable; they were full of teasing, sarcasm, and laughter, as well as genuine talk, the kind that happens between two people who’ve decided they’re going to become great friends. Of course, James still acted up and goofed off, but Lily found that she was able to stand it just a bit more.
They served their final detention on Tuesday. They went through a whole other box of ‘crimes’ committed against the school by the Marauders. It was James’s turn to write out the cards, and Lily got to stand in front of the files and read off a bunch of punishments. So all-in-all, they had looked forward to it greatly. Yeah, right.
The Headmaster made the announcement of the Halloween feast at breakfast the next day, which would be in a few weeks. Everyone began talking about it, though Sirius couldn’t for the life of him figure out what they were talking about. It was all about the food wasn’t it?
The mail arrived right after Dumbledore’s announcement, and it brought James a letter.
The group had been laughing about Quidditch tryouts and talking about the feast, and so James opened the letter without much thought.
His face fell, however, as his eyes read the text. He started breathing heavier and dropped his head on his hands.
“Prongs?” asked Sirius, his face worried and tight. “What is it, mate?”
James held the letter away from his face. Sirius took it and began reading. His own face fell just as swiftly as James’s and became one of stunned horror.
“Sirius?” asked Lily worriedly, placing a hand on James’s back and reaching out for the letter.
Sirius hesitated handing it to her, and looked to James. “Prongs?” he asked, quietly.
James nodded, still breathing heavy.
Lily grabbed the letter from Sirius’s shaking hand, and keeping her hand on James, she read the letter.
She gasped.
“Lily, what is it? What in the world is going on?” asked Remus.
“My parents,” muttered James, pressing his hands into his eyes. “They’re in St. Mungo’s. Some wizarding disease that isn’t well-known. They know it’s contagious though, and have my parents in a separate ward. I can’t go see them, and they don’t know how long…” His words faltered, and he covered his face entirely this time.
Lily wrapped her arms around him, and pressed her cheek to his back.
The others at the table were silent, stunned. Sirius was looking down at his plate, not moving.
“James...” muttered Alice, reaching over to press her hand against his shoulder.
He inhaled sharply, and straightened. In the same swift motion, he stood and started walking. Lily followed him out of the castle and onto the grounds.
She called out to him, and he stopped walking, his hands on his hips and his shoulders sagged.
Lily stepped in front of him, but was silent. She saw the tears in the corners of his eyes, and reached up to touch his face. He blinked, and a tear fell. Roughly, he brushed away the droplet. Lily stopped his hand, and held it between their bodies. He would not look at her, so she dropped his hand and wrapped her arms around him, pushing the fingers of one hand into his hair and pressing her cheek against his.
He was slow to respond, but eventually he grabbed her up, and held her tight to him. She felt the anguish, and tightened her hold.
Minutes passed, and still he said nothing.
Finally, Lily said, “We have class… should I tell Slughorn that we’ll miss it?”
James sniffled, and shook his head. He pulled away, and said, “No. I’ll miss it. You go to class. Don’t tell Slughorn.”
“James…”
“I’m just going to go to the dorm. I… need to think.”
“I don’t want to leave you,” Lily whispered.
Now, he looked into her eyes. He exhaled sharply and almost smiled. “I’ve dreamt of hearing you say that.”
She chuckled faintly. “It’s true now.”
“Then we’ll go to class. I’m not letting you miss class. And I…” he sighed, sniffled again. “I don’t really want to be alone anyway.”
She grabbed his hand, and turned back to the castle. As they slowly walked, she said, “St. Mungo’s is full of great healers. They’ll find something to help them.”
He scoffed. “You read the letter. They know so little about it. They might not find anything to help them.”
“Don’t say that. The healers will work hard.”
James did not respond as they continued up the steps back into the castle. Remus and Sirius were waiting for them, holding their bookbags. Sirius gave James a strong hug after handing over the brown bag. Remus clasped James on the shoulder, his expression saying enough.
The group started walking towards their classes, with Remus splitting away from them to go to his own class.
The three said little during the class, and since the rest of the class had not heard the news, James was saved from any questions.
The next day culminated with James and Lily sitting in the Owlery, writing a letter to James’s parents. Actually, they each wrote a letter; Lily’s as an introduction and a story of her times with James. The owl that was chosen to carry both letters seemed slightly daunted at the weighty roll of parchment, but he dutifully hooted and shot out the window. Lily again hugged James as they watched the owl sail away.
“I’m sorry you never got the meet them,” James whispered.
“No, I’ve met them. I’ve definitely seen them on the platform,” Lily said. She paused, then nodded. “Yes, I remember once a few years back, when I was passing you on the way off. You had called over to me, and I had wanted to ignore you, but then I saw that your parents were there. So I came over and met them. Don’t you remember?”
James was silent, but slowly started nodding. “I think so. I’m sure I was rather ridiculous and pompous then, too, huh?”
Lily chuckled, and stretched upwards to kiss his cheek. “I think you were just eager to show off your parents.”
He laughed. “You’re justifying my past actions. This is an improvement.”
She also laughed, poking his side.
“I don’t actually remember how you acted. And that might be an indicator that you didn’t act horribly.”
“Or it might be an indicator that I did, and since that was so commonplace back then, it didn’t count as being worthy of remembrance,” James countered, leading Lily out of the Owlery and towards their dorm.
“That is definitely a possibility.”
During their last NEWT Potions class of the week, Lily once again received high praises from Professor Slughorn, which James knew she rightly deserved. He also noticed Snape writing down something in the margins of his tattered old Potions book, but he didn’t give it second thought. Snape also glanced over at Stacey a few times, who sat across from him. James noticed this briefly, then put it from his mind.
He was focusing very hard on an advanced version of the Pepper-Up Potion. The effects lasted much longer, and the potion was use for extreme cases of depression or anxiety. He was slightly annoyed that he didn’t have Remus to help; he was terrible with actually brewing the potions, but good at deciphering the tricky instructions.
He almost desired to take some for himself, but found that Lily was enough to keep him anchored. She had remained near him as they waited for more news from St. Mungo’s. A letter had arrived that morning from his parents, and they sounded happy to hear about Lily and about his school year so far. They sounded happy, and that lifted James’s spirits. An included letter from their Healer told James that they felt little pain, but the ailment showed no signs of abating. The Healer mentioned that the ailment was found in middle-aged wizards, but the actual cause was only speculated, not concretely known. Nevertheless, James loved hearing from his parents. Lily had also enjoyed reading the letter over his shoulder, opining that his parents sounded content and very happy with their son.
Nevertheless, Lily was stubborn in her idea that he should figure out his own potions, so she also was no help. With the hope of possibly becoming an Auror and helping to get rid of that silly Lord Volder-thingy, James needed to know how to brew many different sorts of potions. And while he could manage the original Pepper-Up Potion, this advanced version was”for some reason”giving him trouble, and he had no idea what he was doing wrong.
Once again rereading the text, he tried to figure out his error. It always seemed to be something different for some reason, so he never could just get it into his head to do this instead of that. It was quite frustrating.
“Mr. Potter!” cried Slughorn, nearly scaring James out of his wits as he came to inspect the progress of James, Sirius, and Nikeia. “You are doing quite well, but this potion just never seems to go as you want it to, does it now, my chap?”
“I don’t know what it is, sir. I always managed to screw this one up! Do you know what I did wrong this time?” asked James, throwing down his stirring rod.
“Why, it looks as if you didn’t stir quite enough after step three,” suggested Slughorn.
James slapped his hand to his forehead. “Blast!” he said out loud, and fell back into his chair. “Ow...” he muttered very softly, rubbing his hurt forehead swiftly; he had hit it harder than he intended to.
“No worries! Just finish the potion to the following rules; it’s good enough to earn an ‘A’,” commanded Slughorn as he went to inspect a Hufflepuff’s potion after satisfactory nods at Sirius’s and Nikeia’s potions.
James did as he was told, and the potion ended up looking more butter yellow than sunshine. He shrugged and he watched Lily and Snape place their perfectly colored potions on the desk. He good-naturedly glared at Lily. She rolled her eyes and walked back to her desk. She picked up her bag and walk out of the room with Nikeia. James and Sirius quickly followed the girls.
Out in the corridor, James wrapped an arm around Lily as they walked to their Transfiguration class. Sirius smiled and gently grasped Nikeia’s own hand. She blushed slightly but didn’t pull away. Outside the classroom, they met up with Josey, Alice, and Frank all in deep conversation. Remus was standing next to them, not talking, but smiling gently as he listened. Peter, too, was listening intently.
James deduced that they were talking about something for Herbology, the class they all had together.
“I don’t get what’s so special about some plant that can eat you alive,” he admitted as he and the others approached the small group. The three Herbology students glared playfully. Frank lightly slugged James on the shoulder. Remus chuckled.
The door opened for them. (Josey left for her Muggle Studies class which she took with Peter.) As they all took their seats somewhere in the middle of the classroom, Professor McGonagall walked in and told them to open their books to last night’s reading. She then started a discussion on the act of transfiguring one’s self, which she assured them they would be unable to attempt that day. James, Sirius and Remus caught each other’s eyes, as this was all a ‘piece of cake’ to them. Looking back to Lily, James winked. She chuckled softly. James did notice Remus giving his a curious look, but he ignored it and returned to the conversation.
As McGonagall continued to talk to the class, actually allowing her students to ask questions and comment on the idea of being an Animagus, which was slightly different than transfiguring one’s self. McGonagall actually allowed them the pleasure to watch as she changed from her human form to a tabby cat with marking around the eyes which looked like the black-rimmed glasses she wore. Finally she ended her lecture and told them to start working on a two foot paper due in two days on Animagi.
As he listened, James used his left hand as a head-rest, and his right arm lay over his thighs. Absentmindedly, he began wiggling his fingers, consequently tapping the edge of Lily’s thigh. He didn’t realize this until Lily pressed his fingers against her thigh with her hand, stilling them. He glanced up and smiled sheepishly before switching hands. His right hand took over the job of chin-rest, and his left hand rested against Lily’s leg, her hand clasped in his.
That was when more bad news came.
In what was probably the third time in the history of Dumbledore’s role as Headmaster, he appeared in a classroom. The expression on his face was dreadfully grave as he addressed Professor McGonagall.
“Excuse me, Professor. May I see Miss Evans for a moment, please?” Everyone turned to look at Lily, and then at Dumbledore. Lily got up and walked out in front of the Headmaster.
A few minutes later, a strangled cry echoed into the classroom and James shot out of his seat. Ignoring the call of his surname from his teacher, he ran out of the classroom at the second cry.
Nikeia, too, stood up, but McGonagall ordered her to sit.
“But, Professor!” cried Nikeia.
“Strathmore! I have hardly any control over the Marauders as a group; on their own, I have even less! I am sorry but I cannot have my students running out of the classroom. Now sit and work on your essay!” But no one could say that there wasn’t a look of concern on the Professor’s face after yet another cry was muffled, uttered into the clothing of someone else.
James stood, his arms wrapped tightly around Lily’s shoulders, his cheek pressed against her temple, and with his hazel eyes, looked at the headmaster on whom he had never seen such a sad face. Lily’s whole body shook with sobs that she made no attempt to stifle. Dumbledore had a hand on each of their shoulders. As James readjusted his stance to a more comfortable position and moved his head to look into the older man’s eyes, he asked the question that would explain the reason for Lily’s sobbing.
“What happened?”
“There was an attack.”
A sick feeling entered James’s stomach. There was really only one culprit that could be behind an attack on Muggles…
“Voldemort,” Dumbledore said, his eyes slowly blinking. He looked to the ground, and James felt his stomach drop sickly.
No, not this! he thought to himself, Not her!
“I afraid that there was an attack on Lily’s parents. They were found in their home in Surrey this morning. The Mark was scorched into the wall above their poor bodies.” Dumbledore’s face took on a look of revulsion at the act, and yet, retained its entire look of sadness. If it was possible, James’s stomach fell even lower and his heart took up residence right on top of it. “Her older sister, Petunia, was not in the house, so she is still alive, and has been seen, though not willingly.”
“Professor? How do you know about this?” asked James, blinking rapidly to keep the tears back.
“An owl was sent to the Ministry and the Head of the Auror Department, Alastor Moody, was called to the house. He found them and sent back for help. They are still trying to find out why it was an owl, not a Mark over the house, which signaled the deaths.”
Then, something in James’s head clicked.
“What if it was some sort of initiation act? Like it was done by a beginning Death Eater; someone new to the ‘dark side’?”
“Mr. Potter, what do you mean?”
“Well, what if it was done by someone-” but James was once again aware of the girl in his arms. He looked up to his Headmaster. “Professor, would you mind if I spoke with you later? It’s just...” his voice trailed away and he pressed his chin against Lily’s hair. Dumbledore gave a faint smile.
“That would be fine. Come to me after dinner and we will speak. Now, as to Miss Evans...”
“Would you mind if I took her back to the dormitory? Right now I’m sure all she needs in rest, and quiet,” suggested James, and to his relief, Dumbledore nodded, but there was a strange look on his old face.
“Tell Professor McGonagall first, but you have my leave to take her. However, James, I would like to speak to you before you go back to your dormitory. Go speak to your Professor.” With that, Dumbledore turned away, but did not go anywhere, a solemn and sad look on his face. James nuzzled Lily’s head and told her to stay right where she was; he would be back for her. She nodded and sank down against the wall, her face tear-stained and still being renewed with fresh tears.
James walked back into the classroom, and directly to the front, to Professor McGonagall’s desk, ignoring the stares of his and Lily’s friends. Quickly he told his story to the professor, and after she gasped, she allowed him to leave the class. James thanked her, and went to gather his and Lily’s things.
“James! What happened?” asked Nikeia with no small amount of fear in her voice.
“I can’t tell you now, but I’ll see you at dinner,” said James softly and made to walk back outside. Sirius grabbed his robes and pulled him back. He reiterated Nikeia’s question forcefully and James begrudgingly gave him a short answer, consisting of four words. As soon as his robes were released, which was quite quickly, he walked back outside, to the bewildered stares of his friends and everyone else in the class.
Dumbledore was still standing there, looking sad and forlorn.
“Professor?” asked James, pulling Lily up to her feet, and clutching her to his chest.
“I received another owl, just before the one from Alastor.”
“Yeah,” James said, slowly, not understanding.
“It was an owl from St. Mungo’s.”
James’s heart froze. NO!
“Your parents passed this morning, James.” Dumbledore’s expression was mournful, but kind.
“No…” James whispered. “Not this too.”
“I am sorry, James. I myself have looked into the disease; I sent the Healers any information I could find. They were dear people; I had many conversations with them, all of which were very enjoyable.”
Dumbledore rested a hand on James’s shoulder. “Take Lily up to your dorm. I will explain things to Professor McGonagall, and attempt to stop Mr. Black from bursting through any doors.” Dumbledore smiled a wan smile, tinged with kindness.
James did not see Dumbledore rub his forehead, nor enter the classroom. James, instead, walked slowly back to the dormitory, still feeling Lily shake with sobs. His own heart was cracking.
Once in the common room, he set Lily on the couch. He removed their bags, then sat down next to Lily, and pulled her against his chest. There, she cried some more, even as James stroked her red hair, and allowed his own tears to fall.
Sometime, a few hours before dinner, the two students fell asleep, James with his arm around Lily. His sleep was full of questions.
Later, he awoke with a headache, and a sore throat. Then, everything came back to him and he groaned. Very slowly, he got up from the soft couch, making sure to set Lily down gently. Throwing the blanket over her, he looked onto her tear-stained face and messed-up hair. As he wondered how something so terrible could happen to someone such as Lily, James remembered that the same had just happened to him.
He fell forward onto his knees, heaving a cry of exasperation as he punched the navy carpet with both fists.
James clutched at his hair, and fell over onto his side, his back to the fire.
And he cried himself to sleep.
After arguing profusely with the guardian of the portrait in front of the Heads’ dormitory, Remus, Sirius, Frank, Alice, Nikeia, and Peter and Josey”who had been told the news after class”burst into the common room, and rushed over to the couch. The two girls sat by the still-sleeping Lily. Nikeia took Lily’s head and held it in her lap, and Josey sat on the floor, holding onto Lily’s hand.
Remus knelt down next to James and was thoroughly confused. Why was James on the floor? Sirius voiced this question, and Remus could only shrug. He put a hand on James’s shoulder, and shook him softly.
James awoke, and lay frozen for a moment. Then, he raised a hand to his eyes to rub away the sleep. He looked at his four friends and sat up, holding his head.
“James, what happened to Lily? To you?” asked Sirius, crouching down as well. A look of pain came over James’s face, and he was somewhat taken aback when Alice knelt down beside him and hugged him. Nevertheless, he placed his arm around her waist, and rested his head on her shoulder. In soothing tones, she got him to relay what had happened.
“As I said already, Lily’s parents were killed. They were murdered by Death Eaters.”
“Death Eaters?” asked Peter, unbelievingly.
“Yes, the Dark Lord followers.” James’s voice sound hoarse to his ears, but he didn’t feel at all up to making this conversation anymore that it had to be. “Murderers.” He took a deep breath that scratched at his still sore throat. “This morning, an owl was sent to the Auror Department. It stated that the Evanses were murdered early this morning. Alastor Moody went to the house to find Lily’s parents dead. The Dark Mark was scorched on the wall above where they were killed,” finished James, and he drew his knees up to his chest.
“Dumbledore got another owl.” He looked up at Sirius. “From St. Mungo’s.”
Those listening gasped and Alice squeezed James’s shoulder, questioning with her eyes. James looked into them and all he could do was nod his head, his expression tired and hurt.
“No!” cried Sirius, rising to his feet and flailing his arms. “They can’t be… They just can’t!” Sirius had spent lots of time with the Potters, including the whole of the past summer. Samantha and Ian Potter had grown quite accustomed to the rollicking humor of James’s best friend. The same could be said for Sirius, except it was more the cool, sharp wit and mind of the two adults that Sirius loved.
“Sirius! Please,” said Remus, not looking at anyone. A hand was on his forehead and his expression bland. “James, I’m… Prongs, I’m sorry.”
Frank and Peter repeated the sentiment as they sat in separate armchairs. Remus took the floor beside the couch, using the front of it to lean against. Sirius remained standing, his head pressed against the marble mantel of the fireplace. Nikeia and Josey also voiced their remorse.
After that, no one said anything for quite a while.
“Dinner’s started,” Frank whispered. His voice actually caused a few of them to jump.
“I’m not hungry,” whispered James and Sirius in unison. Frank shrugged and did not move.
A few more minutes passed, and then Josey whispered, “Who would do such a thing to Lily’s parents?”
James sneered slightly. “I already said. Voldemort.”
Nikeia gasped. “You-Know-Who? James… her parents are Muggles; why would-”
“Because he hates Muggles.”
“But why would he go after Lily’s parents?”
“Initiation.”
“What?” asked Frank.
“Initiation. Someone wanted to become a Death Eater. What better way to join the club than kill someone?” James’s expression caused sharpened his handsome features, but lessened their appeal. His eyes, slightly red, held a stony, harsh quality.
The others were silent, then Sirius said, “Stacey?”
James nodded.
Remus scoffed. “James, be serious. Stacey wouldn’t have done such a thing to Lily’s parents. She’s her classmate, after all.”
“Which is why it would’ve been a perfect first task.”
“First task…” Remus breathed. “James, that’s ridiculous.”
“No, I don’t think it is.”
“Stacey may have turned, but I don’t think she could have done such a thing.”
You didn’t see her that night,” James growled. “She would have done anything.”
“But kill a friend’s parents?”
“Who else could it have been? The Aurors learned of it by owl, not the Dark Mark.”
“So? What does that-”
“It means that someone who didn’t know how to produce the mark was the murderer. Stacey was new to the order”she might not have learned it yet.”
Remus looked ready to fire another shot, but Alice called out. “Stop it! Both of you. This isn’t helping anything, James. It’s just tossing around ideas and getting both of you angry. Sirius, Peter, why don’t you run down to the kitchens and find something for us to eat? Tempers only get worse on empty stomachs. I know you know where the kitchen is.” She paused. “Remus”go with them.”
All four men looked at her with raised eyebrows, and not a small amount of respect. Frank was smirking softly.
“I’ll come with you guys,” he said, rising from his chair. Remus, Peter and Sirius followed Frank out of the room.
Alice turned back to James. “Again; I’m sorry, James. I know you’re hurt. But please, don’t blame Stacey.” She spoke softly, with one hand on James’s arm. “If she was the one to do this, we should only feel remorse that she chose the path she did. Nothing can be done now.”
James said nothing, nor did he look up at the brown-haired woman.
She turned to the couch, where Lily was starting to stir. When she woke, she looked around, and her eyes rested on James. Not taking her eyes off of him, she slowly sat up, only to be nearly smothered in hugs from her three girlfriends.
James watched silently as the four women whispered softly to each other. Lily looked tired and worn, and her eyes were also red-rimmed. But he still found her beautiful. Her eyes found his again and the emotion in them seemed to be a perfect mirror of his own feelings.
Then, her brow furrowed. “James… have you been crying?”
The three girls around her froze, realizing that she didn’t know about James’s parents.
James looked down at the carpet, briefly and sighed. “Dumbledore had a letter from St. Mungo’s.”
Lily’s eyes widened. “St. Mungo’s?”
James nodded, catching her gaze. She blinked quickly, and tears came to her eyes again. “Oh,” she sighed, reaching out to him. Alice shuffled over as James moved to kneel before Lily. He took her hand, and held it in her lap.
“The letter said that they went this morning.”
Lily leaned forward to press her forehead against his. Alice, Nikeia and Josey got up from the couch and moved to the desk. As James and Lily remained seated with their eyes closed, just breathing, the other three Gryffindors cleared the desk. A few minutes later, the boys returned with arms full of food. Josey brought food to the two people still near the fire, and the others grabbed their own plates.
They ate silently around the dying fireplace, glad to be in the presence of friends.
When they had long since finished eating, they remained around the fire in silence. Remus had added fuel to the flame, adding more heat to the room that felt cold from inside their bodies.
James eventually remembered that he was to talk to Dumbledore. Getting up slowly, he bent and kissed Lily’s hair.
“Where are you going?” she asked, hoarsely.
“Dumbledore has the letter from St. Mungo’s. I want to know what it says.” He paused. “I also want to know what he thinks about this all.”
Remus looked up at him with little emotion in his eyes.
James saw this, but turned and left the common room.
.