“James?” called a voice.
The voice came behind the raven-haired boy.
The boy was cold, and he failed to let it show. Not just on the outside; actually, he couldn’t even feel the chilly air of the late month. He was cold on the inside. He just clutched his knees to his chest and looked out over the cold lake. Flurries cut the night air.
He also failed to notice that there was someone standing a few feet behind him, calling his name.
“James?” called the voice again, but the boy still didn’t move. It was only when something finally nudged the small of James’s back that he turned around. Standing in the cold, hugging her arms, was Josey. Her eyes were slightly red from crying, and her foot was extended.
James returned to staring across the lake, even as Josey took a seat right next to him.
“I thought you were going to see the Headmaster. What are you doing out here?” she asked.
James didn’t respond, and Josey didn’t push the topic. Instead, she said, “I would say I’m sorry, but I never understood what good it did. People apologizing for something they didn’t do and never had any control over. Never made sense.” Josey glanced at James as she picked at a bit of brown grass.
James snorted softly, agreeing with half his heart.
“I just wanted to talk to you,” she stated. The young man didn’t respond. “I know people say that talking doesn’t work; that when you go through something hard, you think that talking does no good. It’s not true. Talking does help, and that’s what I want to do. I do it too much any other time, but…” Josey chuckled weakly, and then sighed at the lack of response from James. Not that she was expecting that great of a response.
“I do understand how you feel. I know that right now that probably doesn’t seem possible. I understand that, too. In any case, when my older cousin died, I was heartbroken. He was basically my older brother. I do have a younger brother, but he’s seven years younger. But Dan and I were very close. I loved him more than anything. When he was killed in a car accident, I thought I could just go outside, and stand in the December air and freeze. It wasn’t like I would feel anything anyway; I was so cold and numb and…” She shuddered.
James’s lifted his head off his arms and looked over at Josey, pleading with his hazel eyes for her to continue.
“I came back to school and was just miserable. You probably don’t remember as you didn’t know me at all, but I was.”
James stuttered, “No, no… I do remember that. I mean, I vaguely remember. Sorry, I guess.” And he did remember watching her out of the corner of his eye, a few years ago, and noticing that she was much more sullen than normal. He honestly had never known that her cousin had died. Since Josey was usually around Lily, he didn’t talk to her.
“You noticed me because you noticed Lily, right?” teased Josey.
James ducked his head guiltily, then said, “That, and you are a beautiful girl.” A hint of his normal self tinged the flattering sentence.
Josey laughed at his statement. “Yeah, I figured it would be one or the other.” She was glad to see his lips quirk slightly. “But I don’t mind. You know… I couldn’t believe that Dan was gone, when he was. I remembered all the good things he did, and asked ‘Why? Why was he gone? He was a great man!’ But, I guess we don’t have any control over things like that… this… Right?”
James didn’t say anything, just looked out over the lake.
“I remembered one Halloween when I was younger. Dan had gone out and bought a pumpkin for me. I was eight, so this was before I knew that I was a witch, for my mother had kept it a secret that she was a witch. You see, my father had left us earlier that year when the secret came out, so I clung to Dan quite a bit. Anyway, I was standing on the landing, looking at myself in the mirror in my costume, and he came running up the stairs. I was so scared when he reached the top. I went screaming to the kitchen and to Mummy.” She gave a laugh here, and James chuckled.
“It was things like that that had kept replaying in my mind when he passed away. All those good things that made him the person he was. He was one of the three family members that knew about my mum and I being witches. We could trust him. Him, and my aunt and her husband. They were the only ones, at that time. I wasn’t blessed with a great family on my dad’s side, which is one of the reasons I took Dan’s death so hard.”
Josey ran her fingers through the thin sheet of snow blanketing the ground. Then”and it was a random thought, even for her”she said, “Lily really likes you, you know?”
James’s head turned toward her, and Josephine had an idea that he was wondering where it came from, too.
“I mean… she may have thought that she hated you, but I bet she had some sort of inkling in the back of her mind, that really… really, you weren’t so bad. And, I mean the farthest corner covered-in-cobwebs type of back-of-mind. She probably had this idea that you were lucky. You had good friends who were beside you, thick and thin, and she thought you didn’t have to worry about this image that you showed to everyone. Lily had that, you know? Of course you know… you know everything about Lily.”
James snorted, and then sniffled.
“Okay, maybe not everything,” Josey conceded. “You knew quite a bit. But, Lily had this image that she had to keep up. That she was… well, whatever she was. But, I think she admired your careless attitude. That manner of doing whatever you wish, without someone judging for what you did or didn’t do. After her beginning years of Hogwarts, I have a feeling that she felt that she couldn’t change the… aura… she had put around herself. Prim-and-proper, perfect-Prefect…” she stuttered, repeating the ‘puh’ sound a few times. “Blast, what’s a word that means ‘intelligent’ that starts with a ‘p’?” asked Josey, making James chuckle.
“Don’t laugh!” Josey betrayed herself by chuckling. “Alliteration is a hard thing!”
“Of course, it is, Jo,” teased James, surprising Josey with a further shortening of her name. But then, the fact that he was teasing her made her heart swell. At least she was doing something right.
“Anyway, Lily really likes you, James. And I think that if you…” Here, Josey stumbled. She needed to word what she was going to say next just right, so that it wouldn’t come out wrong. “That if you… remain strong for her and for everyone else… you’ll be a nearly invincible man. The ability to stay strong in the face of danger, no matter what happens to you, is an important thing. If you don’t throw away these moments that are so dear, you’ll grow… and in ways that people admire.
“James…I know this may be the wrong time to say this”and I was trying to say it without really saying it, but I’ve never been great at saying things just the way they have to be said”but… Well, I need you to remain strong. Don’t… No, that’s wrong.” She paused again, not looking at James. “Don’t… let go of your parents. Don’t ever let go of them. I mean… let them go, so you can move on without hindering yourself and where you want to be. But, don’t let all the wonderful, amazing, brave… amazing things they did go away. Remember those times, and remember that they would want you to act the same way. They would want you to be as brave as they were. As amazing and as marvelous, James.” Josey sniffled once, and turned toward James.
“Remember them, James…but don’t hold on too tight. You’re strong, and we’re all going to need you in the times that are coming. I have feeling that what just happened is not going to be the last. There’s going to bit a bit more death before this is all over.” Josey snuffled harder and blinked her eyes. James still was looking out to the lake, the tears collecting in his eyes.
Silence fell between them.
“I just can’t believe they’re not going to be on the platform when I get off the train,” James said around his oncoming tears. Josey’s head snapped up, shaking furiously.
“You won’t be alone, you know! You have all of us that care about you so fully. James… We’ll always be with you, no matter what. Lily’s going to stay with you for a great deal longer, I can tell. Remus and Sirius and Peter… they’re never going to leave you. They’re stuck to you. Dumbledore and McGonagall… Nikeia, and me.” She reached out to press a hand against his shoulder. “We’ll be right next to Lily and right next to you. Oh, James. You’ll never be alone. And plus… if you hold onto the good things that you did with your parents”those times when you made them laugh ‘till they cried”your parents will always be with you in memory. And I know that that sounded a bit cliché, but clichés are so cliché and hackneyed because they’re true. That’s why they’re cliché… And I know that that was confusing, but it’s true!”
Josey stopped, and took a deep breath.
“James… forgive me, for sounding cruel, or mean. I… I’ve probably dug myself into a hole. Who am I to ask you do something? Oh bother…” she muttered to herself.
James didn’t show that he heard.
Josey sighed, and wiped her eyes. She had said what she had wanted to say, even though she didn’t know if it’ll work. She knew, however, that she didn’t know what she would do if James wasn’t there. There hadn’t been a day at Hogwarts when the Marauders weren’t mentioned if some way or another. They had an effect on everyone in the building, even the Slytherins, whether they liked it or not. And Josey figured that if even one of the Marauders was “out of it” the rest would be too… and that would cause chaos. So, Josey knew that she needed James to be strong. He was a source of strength in her life, and a source of… uniformity; The Marauders were nearly always the same. At least… they were always the same in that there was always something to laugh about with them, and always something spontaneous about to happen. And in this world of changing things… they would all need some similitude now and again.
“It’s getting colder… so don’t stay out here too much longer. Please…” After no response, Josey sighed again and took her feet. “I’ll see you later, James.” And the blonde started to walk away.
She was halfway up the lawn to the school when she heard her name. She closed her eyes for a moment to stop the flow of quiet tears and wiped her eyes. Turning around, she saw James get to his feet and starting walking to her. When he was close enough, he wrapped his arms around her. She returned the hug, thanking whatever Almighty there was that understanding had come between them.
“Thank you…” was whispered in her ear, and she smiled gently.
“You’re welcome.”
Before pulling away, James whispered, “Thanks for telling me what you learned. I’ve learned that friendly advice goes a long way.”
She smiled again.
James pulled away, and sniffled once. Then, a smirk came to his lips. “Though, I am rather stubborn, so if I forget what you told me, just punch me and repeat.”
Josey laughed, and gently punched his shoulder. “Repeat the punching, or repeat the conversation?”
James exhaled in laughter. “Whatever it takes.”
He gestured up to the castle, and they started walking throw the still falling snow.
When they reached the main foyer, James said softly, “I was supposed to meet Dumbledore. I just felt like going outside for a bit. So…”
Josey nodded, and started to backpedal away.
“Jo…”
“Yeah?”
“Stay with Lily? She’ll need someone while I’m not there.”
“Of course, James.” She waved gently, then turned again and continued on her way.
James ran a hand under his nose and made his way towards Dumbledore’s office.
It had taken a while, but Josephine’s words had finally made their way into his heart, and he knew she was right. He could hold on, but not to the fact that they were… that they were gone. He should hold onto all the great things they had done.
After all, it probably wasn’t easy having to take care of him, was it? That was more a show of strength than anything James knew, now that he thought of it. To raise a child in a path that was the right one. And though his deviousness and love of pranking might not have been characteristics they had wanted, he knew they had done right by him.
He smiled weakly. How much energy would it have taken to raise him? Watching their small energetic child grow into a mischievous boy, and finally to the trouble-making monstrosity”and yet handsome, James admitted cockily”young man known as their son, must not have been full of effortless moments. He smiled sadly remembering everything: all the punishments he received and yet the laughter they had shared in all the jokes that James came up with.
He was glad that they had died together.
Then, James’ thoughts turned towards Lily’s parents. She would need someone to keep her standing. True, she had Nikeia and Josey, but she would need him. And he warmed to that notion.
Nevertheless, he still asked himself, Why do things like this happen to the best of people? From what he had heard of Lily’s family, apart from her freaky sister Petunia, the Evanses were good people. They had to be, to be parents of Lily’s. I wonder what made the person who said ‘The good die young,’ say that? What had they been going through?
James let his feet carry him slowly to Dumbledore’s office. As he walked, he thought over what he would tell Dumbledore. Though the Headmaster was an understanding man, he was firm in the belief of a fair argument and the presence of proof. James figured that there was enough evidence, but now that he thought of it, he figured he should have told Dumbledore of the meeting in the hallway. He resolved to make that the first point of discussion.
James was surprised to find the ugly gargoyle looking at him after what seemed like a short time walking. James gave the gargoyle the password (Fizzing Whizbee) and James made his way up the winding staircase into the circular office. The elderly man sat there with his usual solemn look. And now that James really looked at him, he found that the man he looked up to had a good deal of worry, stress, and sorrow in his usually wise, calm face.
“Now, please have a seat, Mr. Potter,” Dumbledore said, waving his hand to a comfortable looking chair. James dropped heavily into the chair in front of the desk, and took a deep breath. Dumbledore took out a small box, and opened the lid. He held it out to James. Inside were tear-drop shaped pieces of something that were covered in aluminum foil. James tentatively reached forward and took one. Dumbledore took one and unwrapped it. When James saw that it was chocolate, he quickly opened his own. He smiled as the chocolate warmed him up from head to toe.
“This,” Dumbledore said, reaching over and picking up a roll of parchment, “is the letter from St. Mungo’s.”
James hesitated, then took they letter. Slowly opening it, he sighed and began reading. It was a kind letter, addressed to Dumbledore, speaking of the Potter’s as two strong people that went well. They felt little pain, and died within minutes of each other. The last paragraph spoke of funeral arrangements; James very briefly scanned over this.
“Tell me what you were thinking earlier, James.”
“Well,” started James, moving the chocolate to the side of his mouth, “I really should start with something that happened a while ago. Lily and I were doing our patrols and...” James went into the entire story of that night, starting when they saw Stacey and Snape. James watched closely the emotions passing over the professor’s face, though it remained thoughtful for a good part of the time. When James finally finished, silence reigned for a few minutes.
“Hmm,” muttered Dumbledore, “it is sad news to hear of such a matter in our halls. Yes, James, I do believe your story. But, I have a feeling that there is something else you wish to tell me.” He gave a gesture allowing James to go into his ideas of the recent attack.
“I believe that, because of the form of communication used to tell the Ministry of the attack on the Evanses, the person who attacked them was an amateur.” James spoke these words haltingly, thinking about what he would say next, keeping his temper checked and his voice even. “The inability to produce a Dark Mark shows that the attacker either didn’t know the spell, or they were incapable of producing it to the extent that was required. I am assuming that it is very dark magic and advanced.” Dumbledore nodded solemnly. “And though I liked Stacey Wilson, I think that she was the one carry out the attack.”
Dumbledore’s eyebrows rose slightly, but his expression otherwise urged James to continue. “She spoke of this crazy desire for greatness and seemed to feel that the only way to get it was by serving You-Know-Who.”
“Please, Mr. Potter. I know you use the proper name. Do continue,” murmured Dumbledore.
“Voldemort, then. By serving Voldemort. It seems that by doing something like this, not only to a Muggleborn’s family but to the head of the class, that it was deliberately planned. Oh, and she was there when I read off the letter that stated that my parents wanted to visit Lily’s. It was her first day, yes, but she could have remembered it.” James had just then remembered that last bit of information and hoped it would do something, though he wasn’t so sure.
Once again, silence reigned.
Finally Dumbledore looked up, or at least to James, for he had been staring out the window.
“Well, what you have said is a reasonable idea. But James, allow me ask you a question: is the desire for greatness such an alienating thing?”
James’s brow furrowed, and he sat forward. “When it ends up killing someone, then yes.”
“But, James. Have you not felt the same desire?”
“To kill someone?”
“Of course not. To be great. To have glory. What is Quidditch to you?”
James started to respond angrily, but thought quickly. Sickly, he found that Dumbledore was right. It was of the many things he had talked about with Remus and Sirius over the summer. James did want to be well known.
“But I wouldn’t do what she did.”
“I understand. But before you judge her too harshly, realize from where she came.” Dumbledore continued to speak softly in that understanding tone of his. “We cannot just accuse Miss Wilson with murder. As much as the Evans’ death hurts me, I think a bit more evidence is required.”
“But, Headmaster-”
“Mr. Potter, we shall speak more of this at another-”
“NO!” James felt a rush of anger, sadness and a need for Dumbledore to believe him. “Lily is hurting and I am hurting! We need whoever hurt us to be punished! Whoever did this, whether it was Stacey or not, should be sought after!”
James picked up some gadget sitting on the Headmaster’s desk and threw it across the room, where it shattered.
Dumbledore turned away from James, who was panting heavily, and looked at the silver remains of whatever the thing was.
“I knew you would do this, which I why I didn’t come to you into the first place after that night. I know you would do nothing! You always do!”
“James,” uttered Dumbledore, in a voice that made James’s eyes widen. It was the fiercest James had ever heard coming from the old man, even though it was not the angriest voice James had ever heard. It surprised James to find that Dumbledore spoke his anger in a way similar to James’s (when he wasn’t throwing gadgets); in a way that resonated off the walls for all that it was just above a whisper.
“You know that what you just said is not entirely true. And, I would appreciate it if you let me finish before you go off into an anger-induced shouting rant. I follow your logic, and while it does make sense, I cannot accuse two of my students of treason and one of them of murder. I will not either agree with you or disagree with you at this point. But, there is one thing which I will disagree to. You say Miss Evans needs whoever killed her parents to be punished. That you both need this. Right now, I think the thing she needs most is the love and strength of you and your friends. Lily’s friends, too, will need a strong man like you.” Dumbledore watched James for a moment. The younger man was still breathing heavily, and his brow was still furrowed. “Another thing to which I disagree is the idea that I do nothing. I assure you, Mr. Potter, I will do something. I will watch the two of them. But I will not accuse them.”
He fell silent. Then, “Good night,” he said with a smile that was kind, but told James that their conversation was over.
Dumbledore couldn’t know that what he had said about everyone needing James was just what Josey had said.
James looked into the elder man’s eyes and tried to express himself. Dumbledore tilted his head downward in a slightly reprimanding way and blinked slowly. “James, I am sorry, but it is getting rather late.”
James Potter sighed, but walked to the doorway. Before he stepped out of the room, he turned and looked once more to Dumbledore.
“I am sorry about smashing whatever that thing was. I reacted before thinking.”
“You do have a habit of doing so, don’t you?” Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled. James shrugged. “Do not worry. I have far too many possessions, as it is, so a few objects here and there won’t be too much lost,” he said with a sort of smile. James nodded and started to turn back, but his headmaster called to him.
“Oh, James… may I can offer you another chocolate? I’ve found that they’re rather nice treats to comfort. And I must admit… I’m a bit of an addict.” Dumbledore smiled kindly and held out the box. James smiled back wearily, tired from the day’s events, and grabbed a few chocolates.
Entering the common room, James saw that all of his friends were still there. Remus was sitting on the floor in front of Josey’s chair. Josey was sleeping, curled up in the chair. Frank and Alice were lying next to the fire, asleep in each other’s arms. Lily was leaning on Sirius’s shoulder and Nikeia was leaning on Lily, her arms wrapped around her dear friend. Peter was asleep on the other side of the fireplace, leaning against the stonework.
Remus opened his eyes when James stepped into the semicircle of furniture and looked up.
“James,” he started apologetically, but the other man cut him off.
“Don’t worry ‘bout it, mate. Dumbledore thought the same as you.”
Remus smiled wanly, and watched as James smiled weakly down at Sirius and Lily. He gently nudged Sirius’s bare foot. Sirius’s eyes opened and looked up at James. Then he glanced at Lily, and very slowly started to get up.
James made to object, but Sirius whispered softly: “Shush! Take my spot; Lily probably would feel better when she wakes up leaning on you than on me.” Sirius began standing, holding Lily up as James sat down. As they moved, Sirius said, “Though, I am a bit more comfortable than you”you’re too angular.”
Remus snorted in laughter, and James kicked Sirius’s leg gently. He let Lily fall against him, her head resting against his inner shoulder. He stretched out sort of diagonal along the couch, with one leg resting on the brocade fabric. He wrapped that arm around Lily and held her as close as he could. He also readjusted the woven blanket over them both.
Sirius slowly lifted Nikeia into his arms and brought her over to the chair not occupied by Josey. He sat down, letting Nikeia lean against his chest. Slowly, as to not wake the girl on his lap, he took a blanket off the floor. James watched as Sirius tossed the blanket over the both of them.
Remus had eased the fire to a bit more life while the other guys were adjusting.
“James?” asked Sirius. James nodded to show he was listening. “I- I want you to know that I will miss your parents greatly. And I want you to know that, well… that I am here for you and I care.” He, too, smiled sadly at James, before resting his head against Nikeia’s.
James looked down to the peaceful face of Lily below him, and shook his head, hearing all the words that had been spoke to him over the course of a few hours.
This is going to be a long couple of days.