this chapter made me laugh out loud. normally i just smile to myself or snicker a little, but with this one actually laughing out loud. it was hilarous!

I’m trying to make up for that crappy review I left you for A Sudden Movement last night . . .

Ugh. This is so fantastic and awesome, I almost don’t know what to say. But, luckily enough I think I can manage something. ;)

First, I just want to comment on how masterful you are with language and using it to capture the reader and draw them into your story. I’m not really into affairs or relationships where one person could be the other’s child. And yet . . . it doesn’t matter. I’m already cheering for Siobhan and excited to see what her plan involving pretending to be interested in Draco is and how it goes . . .

The first paragraph is very intriguing. I like how it’s ambiguous, but obvious at the same time. And I like how extremely attractive the man sounds . . . It’s so general that it could be anyone, except the descriptions are so particular and so exact that we know who you’re talking immediately. It could very easily been written in away that repulsed the reader more than drawing them in, but you do not have that problem. At all.

It’s brilliant the way you didn’t include his age in any of the description until the third paragraph. It’s a subtle and simple way of showing us that the fact that he’s older doesn’t bother Siobhan. Then later you bluntly tell us that she’s okay with the fact that he’d a bit older than her and that she actually prefers it. It’s like you’re preparing us readers for what will happen and weeding out the ones who can’t take it. It works, though, actually adding to the intrigue, by being slightly scandalous and sinful.

The idea of forbidden love and the temptation and guilt that go along with it, as weird as this might seem, are extremely appealing to me. Not to experience in real life . . . though, it would be quite thrilling . . . But, anyway, to read about. Maybe I’m just a horrible person who takes delight in hearing about the latest escapade, but I find it fascinating and really interesting. I’m really excited to keep reading this and finding out what happens. ^_^

Can we talk more about how you are amazing with words and can convince your readers of anything? In the beginning you’ve got us convinced that it’s perfectly natural to be lusting after a man whose almost three times your age and now Draco seems like an annoying, stupid little kid, instead of the dark, mysterious, sexy man that we normal think of him.

You really know how to get in your characters head. Don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s almost like you don’t exist. Like the fact that I’m reading something you’ve written has been buried and lost in the story. It feels more like I’m there with Siobhan and she’s telling me her thoughts. No, that’s not right. It’s more like I’m a camera, for lack of a better word, in her mind. But it’s that I don’t feel like this is a story, it feels so much more real and tangible than that is what I’m trying to get at.

I really like how you introduce characters by their appearance. Like when Harry, Neville, Luna, and Ginny come, you don’t say Harry Potter asked Siobhan blah blah blah. The way you’ve written is much more real and how it’d actually happen. We’re seeing it exactly through Siobhan’s eyes—back to that camera in her head thing.

Hmm. I’m interested to know what part those six are going to play in this story. Obviously, you wouldn’t have brought them into play if they weren’t important . . . And, they were kind of like a reminder that the war was going on. WHICH WAS UTTERLY BRILLIANT. The subtleness and naturalness about everything—just guh! I can’t get over it.

I like how she’s not perfect and we’re already finding that out. I mean, we can guess that she’s attractive and intelligent and ambitious, which I suppose can be both a fault and a virtue, but we also find out that she’s a bit of a loner, too, and doesn’t have many, well, apparently any friends. Which makes her so much more relatable and real.

Also, the general idea of wanting what you can’t have makes her more relatable, too. Except she’s actually going after what she can’t have, and that’s what sets her apart. Well, I guess, the formulating a somewhat elaborate scheme that may or may not work to get what you want is a real thing, too.

The characterization of the Trio & Co. is perfect. I liked Luna’s line about the fairy. :) Harry was appropriately polite; they were all somber and faking okay-ness just like I’d imagine them to. And of course it was Ginny who broke the fakeness.

Everything about this story is love. Epic love, even, because you’re a genius. I do have one small issue with it though, and that’s Draco. He’s just . . . off. I don’t know, he seems too stupid and clueless, y’know? I think that he should be more distant and cool and intelligent. But, it’s the first chapter, so I’m trusting you to build him more and better as they story progresses. ;)

But, yeah. It’s just amazing. I’m so looking forward to the next chapter. You have no idea.

Mere xox

Great chapter!

Then it hit him. His thoughts clearly weren’t natural.

I love all the assumptions he makes. Because he's pureblood and a Malfoy he couldn't possibly have feelings for a lowlife Mudblood. It would have to be something she was doing, nevermind she looked at him in fear. :)

If only Potter knew that his girlfriend was desperately after him.

This line made me giggle. :) Draco and his assumptions again. teehee.

I also like how you're switching between Hermione's and Draco's thoughts. It's great to see each of their thoughts regarding each other.

Great Job!
-Mere

Evidently, the latter had won out.

So Malfoy follows his heart. It's nice to know he has one. :)

“Because you want me,” she mocked his words from the previous day.

Man, she has got courage. I really like how you show her as a brave, courageous girl who says what she thinks, even to Draco.

Logic leaned toward the former, but the current state of his soul almost wished for hurt.

This is so sweet and touching. I felt Draco's inner anguish in when I read this line.

“What are we going to do about this then?”

Ahh.. Hermione. Always the logical thinker.

“Now I wish it were witchcraft,” she snorted. “Because then I could stop it.”

heheheh. He's not that bad, Hermione!

Great chapter!
-Mere

Lily found, as she finished reading the scarlet words, her mouth was slightly open. How could a prankster -- a Mr. Prongs -- write such beautiful words? Mr. Prongs! Shouldn’t a writer of such breath-taking letters have a romantic name, like…Nathaniel, or…. Franklin or Alexander? But Mr. Prongs?

This passage is great! I like the incite to Lily's character that we get from it and how it shows that Mr. Prongs is a romantic man, but only to Lily and not in all aspects of his life.

The only problem I have with his is it seems kinda rushed to me. The letter after letter was a great way of passing time, but we missed out on Lily's thoughts on those letters. :(

It was still very good!

-Mere

Honestly, that boy had a rather low opinion of her.

I love these little witty we remarks we get from Lily's thoughts.

It seems a little OCC to me, the way all her resolve and stubbornness melted away with the arrival of the Invisiblity cloak. It seemed like it went away a little too quickly. I always thought that Lily was a bit more stubborn than that.

And then she gasped at the sight before her.

Ahh... a little cliffie to keep us begging for more. You sure know what you're doing. :)

Awesome chapter!
-Mere

Hey!

This chapter was very thrilling and scary. I love how the romance is blended with the dark and angst in your story. I really like the way you do these interludes, where we get to see a bit of the world outside of Lily's perspective.

Children, Frank realized, horrified. The blood seemed to freeze in his veins in that split-second of shock. The Death Eaters were taking the children as hostages.

I literally had chills running up and down my spine as I read this line. And... way to leave us hanging! :)

-Mere

Okay. I just reviewed, lol, but I forgot to mention something.

...Cho's once long, but now short, hair.

This is perfect. Thank you for mentioning this. Thank you for knowing enough to write an accurate story.

-Mere

*Squee!* I am so happy that you finally got to update! :D This is very possibly my favorite story on the site!

She hadn’t actually believedthat it was a dream...

You forgot to put a space between believed and that.

James’

When something belongs to James you actually use 's. You're only suppose to use s' when the noun is plural like girls'. Since James is one person, it should be James's.

I love how you write emotions. When Lily was embrassed, I was blushing, when she was sad, I wanted to cry, and when she was giddy, I felt like jumping around screaming and laughing. It's really amazing how empathic your writing is.

I also love how believable your characters are. I could easliy pictured James getting angry that way and yelling and saying those things. I love how much of a klutz Lily is. I'm a natural klutz too! I really like how obvious Lily's moods are. In the beginning she's frazzeled and confused. Then she's sad, embrassed, and angry with herself and then she's confused again. And the she's deliriously happy, but still a little sad. This chapter sure put me through an emtional rollercoaster!

I think the thing I love the most though, is how I always know exactly what your characters are doing. You describe their movement so well. I think it partly come from having a theatre background. Your used to stage directions, yeah?

James blinked, trying to see where Lily was going with this. “I guess,” he mumbled.

Aww. Poor James. The girl he's in love with thinks he was just acting. :( Also the tension between Lily and James is just fantastic!

“He’s a really great actor,” Lily said, almost sounding as if she were trying to persuade her friends how great of a guy James was. “But he won’t audition for anything.” She smiled sadly. “He’s been helping me with memorizing my lines for the past several weeks… And he can dance!” she added excitedly, suddenly remembering this fact about James. Without so much as a warning, Lily leapt up from her place against the door and sprinted across the floor to her closet. She opened the door with a great deal of enthusiasm and searched through the items hanging up, quickly finding the jacket that she had shoved into the closet the night before.

I love this passage! I think it's my favorite one of the whole chapter. I love the feelings it produces and I love the magic of it and I love the way I can see it.

LOL! Do you think I could have said "I love..." any more in this review?!

Great chapter!

-Mere

Hey, there! I've come to bring your review count up to two! :)

On the night of Christmas Eve the usual hustle and bustle on the streets of Diagon Alley were replaced by...

"Were" should "was" because you used the collective noun "usual."

As they walked there was an uncomfortable silence between them.

There should be a comma after "walked."

"Do you love him,” Oliver asked softly.

You forgot a question mark here. :) I think you forgot it again when he repeated the question.

Those are my three grammatical nitpicks.

This is a sweet little story set in all the romantic backdrop that is the Christmas season.

Aww. Okay. You had me there. After I read that sentance, there was no way I was not reading this fic.

Aww. This was really sweet. I think you captured the evening very well. There were a few times where your dialogue seemed a little rough and forced, though.

“Whatever you say, but why don’t you go and take the drink to the lady.”

This is an example of that. This sentance just doesn't flow, I think if you played around with the wording a little bit, than you could find something that worked. Maybe something like, "Whatever you say," said Tom, shrugging and placing the drinks on the bar. "Now, hurry up and take these drinks away, you wouldn't want to keep the lady waiting, would you?"

He then came out with the question he wanted to know...

Here's an instance where there was some rough non-dialogue. I'd say something like, Now was the perfect oppertunity to ask the question he'd been dying to ask all night...

I'm sure with a little work, you could iron out all these rough patches and then your story would flow much better and be an easier read.

“Oliver.”

He quickly turned around to see Katie back standing by the entrance. “Yes?” he asked.

“I just wanted to say, Happy Christmas,” she said with a smile.

“Happy Christmas to you, too,” he replied.

This part was really sweet. It kind of reminded me of Romeo and Juliet, when Juliet calls Romeo back during the balcony scene.

And with a simple crack, he left the snowy streets for the comforts of home, taking with him every wonderful moment of the night he had just shared with his only true love, and hoping that just maybe, another wonderful Christmas with her would be yet to come.

I love this last line. It's the perfect ending to your story. I think it's great how much it sums up the story, but how many doors it opens. It leaves the reader thinking about what'll happen next Christmas between Katie and Oliver.

This is definately a good "Awww!" story. :D Keep it up.

Peace out.

-Mere

Author's Response: Thank you very much for a very long, very helpful review. More of these sort of reviews are really what we all could use around here! Those little grammatical corrections were very helpful and accurate. I believe I occasionally forget about the existence of the question mark. I know the story didn't always read as flowy as I wanted it to, but I think those awkward dialogue moments were just ways for me to trim the story down so that I wouldn't go off on tangents and completely lose the plot! I know I have trouble with that. Thank you very much for giving me my *second* review. I really appreciate it and your constructive criticisms :)