Jen! -squishes- I can't believe how long it's taken me to read this. :o

Itty bitty nitpickies:

Rose had never quite mastered the use of household spells.

And she shouldn't be using them if she's not seventeen yet. Maybe say something like 'She'd have to get someone else to clean it or she'd end up doing it Muggle-style.'

At that moment, all she wanted was Scorpius’s words, not his gifts.

There's only one gift.

/nitpicks

As he turned away, Rose muttered under her breath, ‘Sleep well tonight, Potter.’

meheheheh. I would have loved it if there was a thought or two about what she was going to do to him. :)

Hagrid came to the Burrow for lunch, and left a few hours later, but not before he had drank far too much and broken two chairs.

-giggles- I love this line.

You have no idea how much it will help me, when I’m miles away from everyone who gives a damn about me. And when I think about it, there’s only you who does.

Aww. Poor Scorpius. I want to hug him.

She unwrapped it carefully, trying not to rip the paper, like she always did.

-smiles- I do this too.

I thought your copy looked a little worn.

I like them worn! It makes them feel loved and it just adds to the whole reading experience. I like new books too though...

‘I won’t want to go to your wedding, if you’re marrying him!’

OH. MY. GOD. I was so not expecting that. Damn. I...I'm at a loss for words. I really can't believe he said that. I mean, it's Ron, but still.... What an arse.

Some Random thoughts -->

I'm very impressed. I think this is your best chapter yet. It's definitely my favourite, even though there's tactless!Ron. ;) Your writing has gotten a lot more vivid as the story goes on and I can really see everything playing out in my head. I like the little details like Rose ruffling Lucy's hair and James carrying Lucy on his shoulders and then dumping her on the bed and such. They really make this chapter.

The beginning was great. It just felt incredibly chaotic and busy; I could imagine a bunch of people running around trying to prep for a big holiday meal. I also like how you explained about the additions to the house.

Fred in the conversation over dinner was hilarious! I felt bad for Rose though. :( Albus... I don't know. It was pretty typical, I guess. I could see it coming... I love Lily. She's my favourite, hands down.

Scorpius's letter was so sweet. It made my gushy, romantic heart melt. And my empathic soul wail with sympathy.

heheheh. The cousins reactions were so family-like. ha. They were spot on. And Ron. Oh, Ron. I'm not even going to start on Ron. lol. It was perfect, just in a horrible way. Hermione was more understanding and so were Harry and Ginny, which was good and just like I thought. :)

Fabulous chapter, hon!

-huggles-

Peace out.

-Mere

Author's Response: *squishes Mere* It's been a while since I got such a lovely, thoughtful review. I took note of your nitpicks - although, with the first I assumed that Rose had been taught at least a few household spells in Charms or something (or, being Hermione's daughter, she may have taken it upon herself to learn them). And Scorpius' 'gifts' was just a generalisation - I did that on purpose. It was referring to any and all gifts he may give her. :) Thank you so much for all your lovely comments as well. This review has made my day! *squishes again -Jen

Hey Jess!

Monster party! My favorite kind! lol.

...her cheeks turned a light pink colour and then faded back into her unnatural pale complexion.

Hmm... I think you want unnaturally.

Great description, by the way.

“It should be rather obvious, shouldn’t it?” she asked, her eyes still wide in shock.

I found this a little confusing, why was she in shock? I think you could add a few words and explain it.

Immediately, she glanced up at Dante who looked surprisingly calm.

There should be a comma after Dante.

And again, Dacia stopped him by grabbing his hand that was wrapped around the door handle.

Last paragraph she was sitting on the couch. Now she's grabbing his wrist at the door. How did she get to the door?

That's all of my nitpicks. :)

But an angel couldn’t possibly have blessed him this way for he was sure that he wasn’t gaining salvation.

Why do all vampires think that they are doomed for eternity? lol. Actually, I really like the way you protrayed Dacia's and Dante's opinions of themselves. The way they both think they're cursed and evil, how Dante thinks he has it worse, how Dacia's is scared to death of being alone... I love it.

Dante saw his mistake; Dacia saw the golden opportunity.

I like this sentance. I think I like the way it shows how they both view the samething differently. I also just like the way it flows.

“You’d be surprised then,” he said, his eyes looking at certain parts of her body.

heehee. :D

Concerned, Dacia looked at the window behind her.

I love how she's concerned for him and not herself. lol.

For once, she felt normal.

*sigh* If only "normal" was something to be wished for for all of us.

I loved it! I like how the dark and angst is juxapose with some cynical humor, cheekiness, and some longing.

Great chapter!

-Mere

Author's Response: Thanks Mere.(: And you pinpointed exactly why I loathe Dante so, but his character is so set there\'s no turning back; he\'ll get better... hopefully.xD Yeah, Dacia is like that; it\'ll be more pronounced next chapter and more to come. And yes, I like that it\'s not completely consumed by D/A (that\'s one of my pet peeves when reading D/A). Again, thank you! I\'m glad you enjoyed it.;)

I love the beginning. It's a normal event to be looking in the mirror, one we can all relate too, but it immediately tells us that there's something different about Daica. I also love the detail you described her scars in. It made them seem very real, painfull, and quite frighting.

There was some pity that she felt for herself, but the more prominent feeling was self-loathing.

We all know this feeling. Obviously, not for the same reasons Dacia knows it, but we can relate to her none the less.

I'm a little confused about the boy. Did she actually bite him, or just scare him to death?

Dante, drunk or not, sounds incredibly sexy. :D

Before she could get any ideas of companionship, Dacia turned back down the hallway towards her bedroom. I am a werewolf, she quietly reminded herself, and I will hurt him.

Awww.... poor Dacia.

I love the detail you go into and how you describe things. Like when Dacia was staring at the beer bottle, or her feelings about the bar.

I can't wait for the next chapter!
-Mere

Author's Response: Aw thanks Mere.:D I never thought about the reader relating back to Dacia, but I\'m glad she does considering her being a werewolf. She didn\'t bite the boy; she scared him off... unintentionally, ha. And yes, Dante is quite sexy, eh? He gets even better.xD (BB has a picture of him, ha.)

Well, Jess, your writing totally blew me away--as usual. :)

I only have two nitpicks this time.

How could she use such foul words to me?

Why would someone create such a foul word?

You used the phrase "foul word" in two consecutive paragraphs. Instead of "foul" try vile, revolting, replusive, rancid, sordid, detestable, hateful, horrid, abominable, tainted, etc. to vary up your language a bit and keep your readers interested.

I took a break from my speech, and I drank the white wine in front of me.

Saying "I" again is kind of redundant. The sentence means the same thing and it flows a little better if you take it out. I took a break from my speech and drank the white wine in front of me. I love how you told us what kind of wine it was. It's just one of those small details that just jumped out and grabbed me.

So,

I was a werewolf. I was a wizard. I am a vampire.

I was a wizard. I was a werewolf. I was a vampire. I am nothing.

I love this. It's brilliant. You went back and reminded the reader of the beginning.

The last two years of school could be described as depressing and lonely.

Aww. Monster or no monster, I still feel bad for him.

“A vendetta?”

Great word, vendetta. It's one of my favorite words ever. :)

God can’t save you now

LOL. Okay, I know that this is a highly dramtic and emotional and non-lol part of the story. But, as I was writing this review and re-reading parts of the story, my dad went off on some rant about how dumb President Bush is. And he said something along the lines of "At least God won't forgive him." lol. It just was so similar, but so random. Okay, sorry. I'm done ruining the mood and such.

...cleaned my teeth off.

This seems like such a normal, human action. Well, not entirely, but it's like you checking in the mirror to make sure you don't have food stuck between your teeth--he's cleaning his teeth. It's brilliant how he just kills her and then is able to preform a normal, routine thing.

It was amazing, Jess. Great job!

Peace out.

-Mere

Author's Response: Thanks Mere! Your comments made me happy as usual.(: I love the Bush bash too! Brownie points to you! Oh, and I love the last line as well. I\'ll say it was my little stroke of genius, bahha.

Hey, Terri!

I only have a few nitpicks.

First off, it seems like Professor Dumbledore is the commandor-in-chief. While I understand that Professor McGonagall respects him very much, I always thought that she had a pretty good mind of her own. SInce she is alive, and the current headmistress, I think that she'd be a little more active instead of just doing as Dumbledore said. It kind of appeared like he was walking all over her.

One other thing, they are in the headmistress's office, no? I think that the other poraits would offer their own opinions, whether invited to or not. Particularly, Phineas Nigellus.

/end of nitpicks.

“You still avoid saying Voldemort’s name, Minerva? He is dead. We must encourage the use of his name or the fear that has plagued the Wizarding world will last long after Voldemort himself.

Lol. That's exactly what I imagine that he'd say in that situation. You did a really great job on characterizing Dumbledore and Snape. McGonagall was a little weak, but the other two... Man! It was prefect.

With that Professor Dumbledore walked out of his portrait to go to inform Hermione’s true parents that they had a daughter.

GAH! I want to know who they are. *jiggles one foot and then the other* This is going to eat away at me. :D Though I do kind of have an idea... I'm not going to say though, cause I don't want to you to tell me if I'm right, and I don't want to be horribly embrassed if I'm wrong. :p So, I just sit here and wait. lol.

Your chapter was so short. :( I can't wait for the next one!

-Mere

Author's Response: I wrote Professor McGonagall that way because in my mind, she was still not used to the fact that she was now in charge of Hogwarts. This scene as well as the next few chapters take place only a couple weeks after the Battle of Hogwarts. At this point, I feel Professor McGonagall is still getting her bearings. She has had to oversee the rebuilding of the school and deal with getting everything set for the new school year. Though I am sure she helped Dumbledore in years past as Deputy Headmistress, this is the first time she has had to be responsible for everything herself. \r\n\r\nThank you for your lovely words. Don\'t worry, you won\'t have to wait too long for that mystery to be solved. I am submitting the first chapter, which is longer, today. So, stay tuned for it. \r\nTerri

Hey Terri! -huggles- I think I'm finally all caught up. It's a miracle, really. :D

No nitpicks this time around.

But all the memories were bittersweet. Sirius, Fred, Remus, Tonks, and Mad-Eye were gone now. Remembering them here, alive, caused sharp, stabbing pains that felt like the twisting of a knife in his stomach.

The emotion in this bit is so powerful. I literary felt my eyes well up, I was nearly crying.

“You can now call the Dursleys your relatives.”

-snorts-

Ron didn’t notice how Hermione stiffened slightly at his touch.

-cough-tackless-cough-

That you were abnormal and unworthy to be at Hogwarts.

Aww... -hugs Hermione-

Wow! Okay, so there was so much more emotion in this chapter than any of your other chapters. I think this is my favorite chapter so far. :D

I love Harry in this chapter, first with him not wanting to affect Ron's decision, then his remembering of those who had died, his joke, and his understanding of what Hermione needed (to be alone).

I also love Kreacher. He makes me smile. His characterization is perfect!

I have to go now, so this review was so short.

-hugs-

Peace out.

-Mere

Author's Response: Mere, I'm so glad you liked this chapter. I had to bring a little humor in to it, to balance the emotions out. There are a lot more emotional chapters coming so you probably should buy a box of tissues. Thanks for your review. Hugs Terri

Hey, TIff! I've worked my way throught that reading list! lol.

Even if he hadn't known his mother well enough to know that she would have done such an action, the fact that the door was locked when he first came back and that there were spider webs everywhere with enormous blankets of dust on everything would have told him such a fact.

This sentence is kind of confusing. What action did Sirius know his mother would do? What was the fact that the dust and locked door would have told him?

Even if he hadn't known his mother well enough to know that she would have done such an action, the fact that the door was locked when he first came back and that there were spider webs everywhere with enormous blankets of dust on everything would have told him such a fact.

He had left, the door had been locked, and the room hadn't been disturbed for nearly twenty years.

The room still made him smile, even now when he loathed this house of his fathers. It was exactly how he had left it so many years ago.

Okay, so you've just told us three times in three consectutive paragraphs that his door was locked and his room stayed the same. I think that you could work something out that tells us that only once but still says something about his mother locking the door and spells lasting longer than he thought (By the way, I really liked that line).

Those are my only nitpicks.

I really like the beginning with the rain and Sirius feeling cooped up. It seemed very IC and it was a good opening to your story.

I love how he has happy memories from his childhood and I love how Walburga loved him and he was her favorite. I've read a lot of stories where she abuses him, but I love the way you show it. It's very believable and I can't wait to see where you're going with it.

A rush of memories about the day that the photo was taken began to flood Sirius's mind, and he put his back to the wall and slid down to the floor as he allowed the thoughts to consume him.

I love the analogy of the memories to water and I like how you told us his actions.

Great job! I can't wait for chapter two!

-Mere

Terri! -squishes-

Aww! That was so sweet and adorable. My eyes started to water. -sniff- ;)

I love your summary. It's really interesting and it's a great beginning to your story. I really like how it's a beginning and a summary of the story.

We both know James doesn’t qualify for that job.

Sirius's letter was great. It was very IC of Sirius, especially this line. It made me laugh.

Then spotting the cat, Harry started to chase after it.

haha. I love this. Harry nearly killed the cat.

James said, his pride in his son evident in his voice.

James. A father. -gasps-

The way that you worked the photograph being taken into the story was great. And the way you implied why Snape would tear it several years later.

I also really like the way you show the relationship between James and Lily. It's very IC for both of them and it seems very believable and real. They seem like such a happy couple and then only three months later.... -sniff-

Terri you are so brilliant. This is absolutely amazing.

-Mere

Author's Response: Mere, Thank you for your lovely words. The line from Sirius\'s letter was added after my beta, Kate suggested it originally sounded too formal and too much like Remus. So, I added a bit of humor to it. I\'m glad to know it worked. I had fun writing this one-shot and I have a plot bunny starting with another companion piece. Thanks again for your review. Terri

Hey Alison! -pickles-

I've been meaning to read this... Ever since I saw Sara's lovely banner, and now I've finally gotten around to it. :D

Some little things:

We loved to talk about things like this.

I felt that this line was more like you were telling the reader, instead of showing them. I think that you show it just fine, and this line becomes a bit unnecessary and seems like you're really shoving this point in their face. Personally, if you just took it out, then that section would be perfect.

I looked confused for a moment...

Um... If this is from her POV, how would she know that she looked confused? Perhaps you meant 'felt'? If the repetition of 'felt' and then 'feel' put you off, maybe try 'sense' in place of 'feel'?

“Hello, Lydia,” he greeted me. His expression softened, because I had always been his favourite child.

“Yes, it was.”

Since Lydia's father is still speaking, 'Yes, it was.' should be included in the above paragraph.

That's it, I believe.

I often didn’t pay full attention to my cousin Edwina — in my eighteen years, I had figured out she rarely said anything of consequence...

hahaha! I love this opening.

Edwina looked frustrated, and her bottom lip came out. She snapped her fingers in a gesture of impatience.

I love this description! :D I could see it perfectly in my head.

...we both loved to be at the tip of the social pyramid.

Mmm... I love this line. The imagery is gorgeous.

I blushed faintly, not because I was embarrassed, but more because I knew I was expected to.

-grins- I really like Lydia. She's so strong and independent, yet she loves this discriminating society she's grown up in.

Perhaps they even thought I was ostentatious.

-giggles-

I reached out to the volumes of books. Why did he need so many? Maybe, I thought, I should buy more books.

Haha. I love that he would consider buying something he considered useless, just to be like someone else. Reminds me of a few people I know....

If that was a perfect likeness, then maybe I didn’t like who I was.

Oooh! I really like this line! It's funny, sad, sweet, and it foreshadows. I'm impressed that you managed to roll all that into one teeny litte sentence.

Random Thoughts-->

I can see why this is your favourite fic. :D It's beautiful and intriguing. The plot is so unique, and your characters are exquisite. I really enjoyed this, and I'll definitely be reading and reviewing the rest of it. ;) It might take awhile though...>.>

Lydia and Edwina. hahaha. I love the beginning. Edwina cracks me up. She's such a flake. (I mean that in an entirely endearing way.) Lydia's so interesting. She has a good head, and I'll bet that she's pretty strong-willed too. Despite all that Lydia thought about Edwina, it's obvious that the two of them have a close bond; I'd've put them more at sisters than cousins.

Optimus. First off, I just want to say that the description at the beginning of his section created a clear picture of the Weasley mansion (O.o), but it was kind of a bland read. I think it's because nearly every sentence started with 'the' or 'there.'

On to Otpimus though. I never thought I'd say that I feel sorry for a Malfoy, but here I go: I feel sorry for Otpimus Malfoy. It's a depressing thing, trying to covince a society that continually reples you, that you are worthy of their time. I admire his courage. His sneaky, illegal way of attaining money though...tisk, tisk. Such a Malfoy thing. :D

I loved it, Alison! You are an incredible writer and this fic is amazing.

-hugs-

Peace out.

-Mere

Meh. I read this chapter and had practically this whole review written in my head only to find that I was no longer logged in. >.< Damn ads.

Anyway, I have one nitpick. Actually two. lol.

The first is actually in your title. The Marauder's Map... In The Wrong Hands! Nice title, I like it actually, but Marauder's is incorrect. It should be Marauders' because the map belongs to all four Marauders not just one. Another teeny-tiny thing about your title... Technically, the second 'the' shouldn't be capitalized. The reason is failing me now, sorry.

And my other nitpick:

In your first paragraph, although it was a nice intro, it's a little confusing.

Harry Potter was sitting on his four-poster bed in the Gryffindor Tower with his friend, Ron Weasley. They were peering over what looked like a piece of old parchment. Harry looked around to see the gentle raising and falling of Dean’s chest as he slept and Neville sleeping peacefully in his bed. Harry muttered something under his breath and tapped the map with his wand. They whispered to each other excitedly, before walking out of the room. An hour later, when they returned, Harry quickly packed the parchment away into the bottom of his trunk. He and Ron got back to their respective beds and slept.

It starts out as a piece of old parchment, it becomes a map, and then it's a piece of parchment again. To someone who wasn't really familiar with HP (which everyone who is reading this story probably is, but still, as an author, you should pretend your readers don't know anything about HP and the wizarding world.) they would probably think you're talking about at least two different things. I think that you should add in a little explination about the map and the parchment being the same thing.

Okay. Nitpicks are done.

Hm. First off, I've read very little in this category. I don't think I've ever actually finished a story before... It's not that I don't have a sense of humor... I actually have a very broad one and tend to laugh when no one else is. >.> Anyway, what I mean to say is that this is unknown territory to me, and I'm a little uncertain about it. Your story was very good; I enjoyed it a lot. :)

Don’t you realise that Harry is the single coolest guy in the WHOLE of Hogwarts right now?

-snorts- I can so see Pavarti saying that... Well, maybe not exactly that, but something a long those lines.

Dean reeled back, struck by her words. She had said his name three times in a row! Oh, so this was what it felt like to be loved back by someone you loved…

ahahaha! I think these are my favorite lines in this chapter. :p

heeheehee. -giggles at Marauders- I liked James's whole rat-dog-werewolf deal, that was clever.

Ms Dun-Bar

-is intrigued- Who's this?
-has a few guesses-
-or rather one guess-
-is unwilling to tell incase she's wrong-

So.... Draco. -laughs at thought of him and Marauders-
-wonders where this is going-

Great chapter!

Peace out.

-Mere

Author's Response: MERE!

Good thing it was only written in your head, imagine you having typed up all that stuff, and then finding yourslef logged out...

Well,"The Marauder's Map" is how it is in the books. I realize your point, but I think MWPP wanted to make the map for ANY Marauder. The map belongs to a marauder, any marauder. Am I coherent? About the second "the", I guess you are right, I've heard of some rule like that though I don't actually know it... I'll change it!

The first paragraph... You're right, it IS confusing. I'll have to change that also. *muters something about useless editing*

Glad to hear you enjoyed it! Yeah, I guessed Parvati would sya something like that... Someone found that funny! Schmergo suggested that I put in something funny there... And I did!

Thanks for the review, Mere!

~BB