01/03/08
http://inverarity.livejournal.com/
I am the same Inverarity you may have seen on the Beta Forums, and other sites as well. I am an older HP fan, and prefer not to give out too much other personal information.
Reviews are greatly appreciated; I don't usually respond to them individually, but I do read them all. I'll answer questions when possible.
You can find information about my stories and characters on the Harry Potter Fanon wiki. (There is also a separate Alexandra Quick wiki.) Be aware, however, that most of it was written by fans, not by me, so the information there is not coming directly from the author and might not always be correct.
Artwork and banner images for all my stories, including illustrations donated by fans.
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Marissa and the Wizards by JCCollier
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •
Summary: Two years after Voldemort's downfall, Headmistress McGonagall finds a puzzling decrease in new Muggle-born students. Consulting the magic Quill, she and Flitwick find even wizarding children being born without magical ability. Each year fewer students are listed. If the decline continues, within decades the classrooms of Hogwarts will be half empty. Concerned how far the problem spreads, McGonagall sends a message to the Quill schools of the other continents.
In Brazil, the world of magic is revealed to a young homeless girl. When Marissa cautiously accepts an education in the wizarding world, the choice will lead her to an object somehow tied to the unknown cause of the wizarding decline. But as she struggles to show any ability at all, she is unsure if she even belongs in their world. What role can a neglected street beggar have in events that wizarding schools of all the world may soon be part of?
Date: 07/16/08 Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 5 - The Wizards Market
This is a perfect blend of the magical world and the gritty one Marissa lives in. The idea that Dementors would infest the slums, and children would just accept them as a part of life there, makes so much sense. It's sad but believable.
Marissa is a very believable character too, the way she tries to deny her emotions, because she needs to be strong and not show weakness to survive. Her pride in her new shoes was a perfect touch.
It's too bad she had to take a cheap wand that doesn't suit her, but obviously there's another one waiting for her eventually...
Author's Response: We'll have to wait and see what her cheap wand can do...
Date: 11/13/08 Title: Chapter 10: Chapter 10 - Proper Girls and Smelly Girls
A beautiful, creative, and touching chapter, as always. I particularly like that we're starting to see more character development in Marissa (and to a lesser extent, her friends). The thought about using a love potion on parents was a rare moment of vulnerability, and really sad. It's nice that she's constantly thinking of her boys. I really wonder what will happen when she returns to visit them, though.
I knew what Celestia was up to immediately, and tried to guess what Marissa's Boggart would turn out to be. That was a very appropriate one. I wonder if they will start calling her "The girl who is afraid of nothing."
Must be awfully frustrating for her not to be able to do magic. I hope she's able to make her wand work soon! But obviously, birds think she's magical. I get the feeling that Asuoby has a significant part to play in this story...
Author's Response: Marissa's Boggart allowed me to show a part of her that she doesn't show to anyone, or maybe even admit to herself. Although all the other parts of the chapter were outlined long ago, the Boggart scene only came into being as I wrote the chapter. Isn't it interesting what pops up when you let your story ferment a while? Asuoby will have a meaningful place in Marissa's experience at Witness Stone, as do other feathered friends. It's a bird thing.
Date: 08/07/08 Title: Chapter 7: Chapter 7 - Witness Stone
Witness Stone school is beautiful and magical, rivaling Hogwarts in grandeur, and I love how well you incorporate all the elements of Brazilian culture, both native and European. Saci is a hilarious Peeves counterpart. You really do a great job of introducing non-European magic while still keeping it in the style of Harry Potter. And all those creative, original touches! I love Re-piranhas!
The writing in this chapter seemed a bit more polished than previous ones too. I think you're getting better and better, and I can't wait to see which house Marissa winds up in. It looks like Witness Stone doesn't sort by aptitude or temperament, so I wonder what characteristics each house has.
Author's Response: Thank you for the many compliments. I did make an effort to correct the grammar, trim some endless sentences and keep the Witness Stone background concise. Re-piranha are among a few magical creatures of Amazonia that Newt Scamander might have overlooked. Saci may have more mischief in store.
Date: 12/18/08 Title: Chapter 11: Chapter 11 - The Care of Tragical Creatures
Hah, I was right -- Marissa is the "girl who fears nothing"! I love how headstrong and yet compassionate she is. And I laughed at "Petrippitus ToadAlice."
There are always so many details in your long chapters that I don't feel I can do them justice just picking a few things to comment on. Marissa's continued frustration with wand-work, contrasted with her unique affinity for birds, promises to make her quite an unusual witch. I'm sure she'll learn to use a wand eventually, perhaps after finding that one that wanted her so much.
Somehow I don't see Cecilia's redecorating plans ending well.
While this chapter was another one with a lot of color and character interactions, there was just enough to remind us of the main plot thread you've been hinting at, like Constanca's ominous vision.
I thought the time Marissa spent in the Jaguars' village was kind of rushed. It was really a pretty significant trip for her, and deserved more description. But this chapter was pretty long already.
Poor Asuoby, and poor Marissa. I'm sure Marissa has seen death before, but this may be the first time she's lost someone she really cared about.
This is my favorite story on MNFF. I always know when I get an update notice that there will be another long, beautiful chapter full of magical and touching moments.
Author's Response: I'm glad the details are appreciated, and of course leave it to you to pick up the little foreshadowings so easily. I thought the village was rushed too (a victim of bloated chapter syndrome), but Marissa will be recalling some things she learned there in future chapters. Thank you for all the comments.
Date: 08/25/12 Title: Chapter 13: Chapter 13 - Smellier Still
Holy hopping hierotapirs! An update after over THREE YEARS! I had sadly given up on ever seeing this story continued.
Marissa is as charming as ever, and her stubborn determination not to ask for help or let anyone think she's "weak" is really starting to cause her problems. I suspect that eventually, when her case is being decided, it will be her special magic that proves her fitness to be a witch, but it is so frustrating to see her trying and trying to use a wand without success.
I was happy (and sad) to see the boys from Santa Efigenia again. I don't know if Marissa will be able to remain a part of their world - as they get older, the world will only become harder for them and the gap between them more unbridgeable, but I'm sure Marissa will never lose her sense of responsibility. In fact, I would expect her to be one of those witches who begins to question WHY witches aren't allowed to use their magic to help Muggles.
It's nice to see a reminder of all the things that have been left unmentioned for many chapters - the diminishing magic among the wizard-born, and the Dementors prowling the slums.
After three years, a lot of the names are no longer as familiar as they once were, but I was able to catch up again pretty quickly.
Now please, please finish this story! And don't make us wait three years until the next update! Who do you think you are, George R. R. Martin? :P
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the first review of this chapter. Though its completion was a little delayed (okay, quite a lot), I have not forgotten Marissa and am happy you didn't either. I will try to submit further chapters in a more timely manner, but will have to plead procrastination, real world interruptions, writers block, slooooow typing, or all of the above for Marissa's long absence from updates. Thanks again.
Date: 07/17/08 Title: Chapter 6: Chapter 6 - The Journey to the Rainforest
The entire trip was marvelous, from the flying trains to the school in the rain forest. You really capture the magic of Rowling's universe in the same vibrant way she does. While your writing could stand to be polished a bit in a few places, I think in general you're doing a first-rate job with this story, and you definitely have the potential to be a really good writer.
I like the mix of kids you've introduced Marissa to, some nice and some mean, just like when Harry Potter came to Hogwarts. And I'm glad her swallows came with her.
Author's Response: Witness Stone's train flies because I thought Wizards would never chop down all those beautiful trees to lay down a railway and deforest the land the way we Muggles do. They've always been rather evironmentally conscious, protecting golden snidgets and dragons and such. So they created a less damaging mode of mass transit for the children. Thanks for your constant feedback.
The Deer Woman by OliveOil_Med
Rated: 6th-7th Years •Summary: In New Orleans, wizards, vampires, and all men of races magical and non can be found. And in 1893, a non-discriminating serial killer begins picking off men on the streets, one by one, barely leaving any traces of the victims, let alone the killer themself. But when a British Auror becomes the latest victim, his partner joins the American Ministry in the investigation, only to find one conclusive possibilty in the form of a creature previously only known to Plains Indians that shows no compassion and no desire to stop killing...
The Deer Woman
Date: 12/10/08 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 2 Trampled
Boy, the Deer Woman is racking up a higher body count than the vampires! I hope we learn a bit about her motives in the end -- she's not as interesting if she's just a horror movie monster who kills for the sake of killing.
You are trusting your spellchecker too much (ails/ales, descent/decent, bare/bear, murders/murderers), but otherwise well-written.
Author's Response: Oh, I have motives for the Deer Woman. Give me a little credit!
Date: 06/01/09 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 3 Heritage
Caddock is an idiot. I'll be surprised if the Deer Woman doesn't get him.
Not sure about "Annie Two-Moons" -- she seems an awful lot like a Hollywood Indian so far. But it was an interesting twist to make her an Auror.
Author's Response: Well, I doubt the Deer Woman species would have survived this long if they could not continue to trick men into getting close enough to kill them. I hope you'll give Annie a little bit of a chance. She's only been in the story for a few paragraphs, hardly enough time to really develop a character. Besides, the story is told from Caddock perspective. Maybe he see her as a Hollywood Indian.
Date: 08/30/08 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 1 Fur
Intriguing premise. I'm familiar with the Deer Woman legend, and this reminds me of the Masters of Horror episode. She obviously has the power to make men forget their inhibitions awfully quickly (this is 1893, after all!), so it makes sense to portray her as a sort of North American version of Veela.
She seems to rely entirely on surprise, though. I doubt she'd be able to take down a vampire or a wizard who's expecting trouble. And an Indian woman walking around wearing buckskin and turquouse would attract notice, even in New Orleans. So sooner or later someone is going to put things together. Unless she somehow makes the bodies disappear, won't the Ministry know, at least, that the victims were stomped to death?
Author's Response: Well, you see, until now, in my story at least, Deer Women are an undiscovered species. Up until now, only the Native Americans have known she exists, and the rest of the population believes she is just a scary story told around the fires. Besides, Deer Women aren't found anywhere around New Orleans. The legend carries from the Great Planes to the Pacific Northwest, so people don't even see her and think Deer Woman. It would be like if someone in Ireland were to hear a rattleing noise from behind a rock, they wouldn't think "That's a rattlesnake. Stay away." But if that is in fact a rattlesnake that escaped from the zoo, then we have one Irish man who mysteriously dropped dead in a field. See? I'm glad you read it, though.
The Dark Without a Face by QueenHal
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary: At Salem Witches’ Institute, the most prestigious academy for young witches in America, only a handful of girls are selected each year. Old wizarding families groom their young daughters from birth, hoping to be one of the few who get to brag at parties in the coming season about their child’s acceptance. What actually goes on at Salem is shrouded in secrecy, but the fact that it consistently produces the best and most powerful the American wizarding world has to offer seems to have been enough for the Bluebloods for centuries.
But when Libra Malfoy, daughter of foreign diplomats Scorpius and Rose Malfoy, is accepted, she’s not sure what to make of her mysterious new school. As she begins to investigate the strange happenings at Salem, she finds herself tangled in a web of deceit and danger. Could Salem’s methods be rooted in something sinister? It’s only too possible…
Date: 08/06/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: The Village
Well, I am of course a sucker for a well-written American wizarding school fic. ;) I look forward to seeing what the Salem Witches' Institute is like. I love your description of the Village.
I was initially a little skeptical about Scorpius/Rose, just because it's been so done to death in fanfiction, but I don't mind any ship as long as it's done well, and I don't expect Libby's parents will be the focus of the story anyway. It's unfortunate that even some 40+ years into the future, it seems wizarding society hasn't progressed very far.
One typo: "Quodpot" is mispelled.
The Lions of Gryffindor by Equinox Chick
Rated: 3rd-5th Years • Summary: It is June 1976 and The Marauders are at the top of their game. From the outside they look to have everything.But appearances, as the saying goes, can be deceptive.
James is discovering that not everything in life is his for the taking. Sirius knows he will have to defy his formidable family. Remus lives in constant fear of his life beyond Hogwarts. As for Peter... Well, Peter is struggling to live up to his friends.
The ties of friendship are strong, but war is raging and with a dark power rising those ties will inevitably fray.
Added to the mix is an adversary called Severus Snape, some lost House Points, a prank or two and a whole lot of Lily.
This is a Marauder tale.
This is a story of what made them special.
This is a story of why it started to go wrong for The Lions of Gryffindor.
OH MY GOOD GODRIC! Lions of Gryffindor won the 2009 QSQ for Best Marauders' Era Story. Amazed and incredibly grateful to those who nominated, judged and have beta'd this fic. THANK YOU.
.·ˆ¯)...(¯ˆ·.
¸.·ˆˆˆ(ºvº)ˆˆˆ·.¸
m m
Trick or Treat!
3. She clicks on her mouse and swipes her wand;
Some stories go up, and some stories are gone.
Stories of her own? Why, she has plenty!
Fewer than one-hundred, but far more than twenty.
Date: 02/21/09 Title: Chapter 8: Chapter 8 - Slythy Fen.
I liked Peter's presence in this chapter, but the dialog between Lily and Snape was the best part. And there was a critical point here, where everything would have changed if one person had made a different choice: Lily's refusal to forgive Snape. It was touching, though I'm not sure I liked it, as in a way, it sort of shifted the blame onto her; if she had softened her heart a little, Snape might still have been saved. Personally, I think Snape was already too far gone by that time, and I doubt he'd have still begged her for forgiveness.
Rich the random (stereotypical and obnoxious ) American (who just happens to be a wizard) was kind of annoying, though.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'm glad you liked Lily and Snape. Peter's someone I'm building up slowly as well as Remus who hasn't had much impact so far.
Apologies about the random American. He's not totally random though but I agree he's annoying. He's American because to a teenage girl in 70's Britain (and 80's I should add) being American was really quite cool and glamourous until we discovered politics. Is he obnoxious? Watch this space - he may get even more annoying.
Carole xxx
Date: 01/29/09 Title: Chapter 7: Chapter 7 - Treacle Tart and Quidditch.
I just read all seven chapters. I'm not sure why, since I generally am uninterested in Marauder fics, especially those centering on James/Lily and Sirius/whoever, but you kept all of them in character and the chapters were well written. The whole story flowed very much like a complement to canon.
What I was really hoping for was a little more of a spotlight on Peter, the most neglected Marauder. I think you've handled him pretty well, making him obviously the least accomplished Marauder without making him a total loser. But you've made up a lot of details for James and Sirius and Lily, and so far told us very little about Peter and his background. I will probably continue to follow this story -- I'd like to see if there will be more development of Peter, and maybe more hints of what might turn him into a traitor.
The first six chapters were fairly light but engaging, with a lot of added detail (like Sirius meeting the punk girl) that wasn't necessary or important to the plot, but still interesting.
I have to say that this last chapter dragged, though, and I found myself skimming the second half. I think what really bogged it down was the interminable conversation with James's parents, and especially everyone giving a detailed accounting of their grades. Do we really need to know in exactly which subjects every single person got an 'O' or an 'E'? Or a lot of anecdotes about the Potters' school days? It became exactly like listening in on a dinner conversation involving a bunch of people you don't know -- boring. The important elements that needed to be conveyed in that scene -- the impressive accomplishments of James and Lily, a brief mention of Severus, allusions to the tension with Sirius's family, and hints of Mrs. Potter's illness -- could have been covered with a lot less extraneous dialog.
Overall, this is a very well-written story. Sorry to be so critical about this particular chapter -- it just stood out as being overly long and dull and not adding much to the story, compared to all the chapters that preceded it.
Author's Response: Thank you for the review. Peter is about to be featured far more in the next chapter and the following chapters but I agree he's been very much in the background so far.
Sorry you found the dining table dialogue so interminable, but I actually considered it to be fairly realistic and necessary. I hate to say this, but just as adults talk continually about house prices, teenagers talk continually about their exam grades - self obsessed bunch that they are. I wanted the older Potters' reactions to their grades. I don't want to ignore Mr and Mrs Potter, they are important to my story because they have helped shape James. It's a personal thing, I guess, but I like the extraneous details in a story and I like dialogue (you may have gathered.You said before Sirius meeting the Muggle girl wasn't exactly necessary, but don't you think that Sirius drinking with her, accepting a cigarette and gettng rather over-excited by someone so different to Sonia and Lily, contributed to him getting into that fight with his old mum. If he hadn't been with her, he could have intercepted the owl carrying the grades and probably wouldn't have stormed away to James.
Anyhoo, thanks for reading especially as I know Marauders aren't your thing. You may want to skip one of the OC's as she seems to be getting rather close to Sirius and I know that's one of your pet peeves but at least she's not called Athene Serephena Goldilocks Fortescue.
Carole
Date: 03/27/09 Title: Chapter 9: Chapter 9 Journeys to King's Cross
Nice little understated hints here, like all the people in denial about certain things: James obviously ignoring the fact of his mother's illness, and Lily trying to pretend she isn't becoming attracted to James, etc. The hints of Death Eater activity are a nice coda to that, as the teenagers are still mostly living oblivious teenager lives even as dark clouds gather around them.
I think you do a very good job characterizing the Marauders. (Of course, I did not miss Sirius's girlfriend in this chapter! >:D) Poor Remus -- do his parents really expect him to go through life alone and celibate? Of course his "condition" is going to complicate any relationship, and turn away a lot of potential partners immediately, and he does need to be honest with them at the appropriate time, but don't they think he can at least go on a few dates?
Coming up with wizarding equivalents for Muggle expressions can add flavor to a story, but... "diricawls and the doxies" just didn't work. (It's not like there aren't birds and bees in the wizarding world too.)
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review. I had to have a girlfriend for Sirius - at least for a while - but at least she isn't called Serephina Dulcetta Mongolia-Grey - LOL. She's a bit giggly at the moment (she's only fifteen, after all) but she should mature a bit. Remus makes me feel sad, too. I think his mum just wants him to be honest - but he just wants to forget for a while.
Aww, I liked 'diricawls and doxies' but you could be right.
Thanks again. Carole xxx
Date: 05/09/09 Title: Chapter 10: Chapter 10 Caught in the Crossfire
"He ordered her"? Oh, I don't think so!
The altercation on the train was quite good, along with the intrusion of the war into their Hogwarts environment. I like the way you are showing how teenage melodrama and schoolboy grudges are gradually being eclipsed by much more serious threats.
I'm not sure about that conversation between Lily and Snape, though. See, I think Lily was justified in cutting him off after the Levicorpus incident and him calling her a 'Mudblood.' Even an attempt at an apology later might not have been enough to soften her heart. But when you have Snape making a determined effort to make amends, and practically begging for forgiveness, it becomes harder to justify Lily turning her back on him. If Snape had really been that remorseful, it makes Lily seem quite cold-hearted and unforgiving to refuse to even consider giving him another chance.
There are actually reasonable arguments for her not simply forgiving and forgetting, and she alluded to them when she pointed out that Snape is still hanging around with the people who call her Mudblood. But the point is that Lily wasn't angry about just one word, and if Snape is trying this hard to earn her forgiveness, I think she'd have at least made an attempt to explain that to him.
I think it will be difficult to continue making Snape sympathetic while still presenting Lily as determined not to forgive him.
The appearance by Fabian Prewett was a clever touch, but I hope Gideon and Fabian aren't going to be just Fred and George clones.
Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I do take your point about Snape and Lily. The trouble I've always had with them no longer being friends is that I'm sure he would have done more than just hung around for one night outside the common room waiting for her forgiveness. I think he would have made more of an effort. However, it won't be a recurring theme.
Fabian won't be turning into a Weasley clone. For one thing I'm no good at pranks and I want him to be far more important than a Fred/George forerunner.
Lost by Gmariam
Rated: 3rd-5th Years • Summary: Albus Potter is lost: guilt and grief have driven him to a desperate search for the Deathly Hallows, and Harry must confront his son before it is too late. Their confrontation, however, ends in disaster as Albus disappears with two of the Hallows.
As he continues his search for the Resurrection Stone, Albus remembers the shadowy road that lead him to his confrontation with his father – and must face both his brother and the tragic loss that has driven him so far down dark paths.
Albus must journey deep within to conquer the darkness that surrounds him. Will he find what he seeks? Or will Albus be lost to his loved ones forever? This story is now complete.
Date: 11/03/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter One - Confrontation
An interesting tale, and I like the fact that it steps forward, many years into the future, and thus bypasses a lot of the usual next-gen cliches. The confrontation between Harry and Albus was dramatic and emotional, and the ending was quite a surprising turn.
It only suffers from being confined into a single one-shot. You had to shove a lot of backstory into a few paragraphs, leaving too much third-person exposition in places that would have read better if revealed over the course of several chapters. If you ever do write those other chapters, I'd love to read them.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the first review! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I am very glad I avoided cliches (that gets harder and harder in fanfic sometimes) and am thrilled you found the confrontation dramatic. That was the impetus for the story, I actually dreamed it! I know there is a good bit of back story, which is why I waited so long to submit this: it's been finished for months, but I couldn't decide whether to submit it as a one-shot or go ahead with more chapters. I added a bit more backstory than I might have otherwise to make it a one-shot, but there is more and I appreciate knowing that you would be interested in reading it - it makes me want to write it! Thank you so much!! ~Gina :)
The Murder of Scorpius Malfoy by Cirelondiel
Rated: 3rd-5th Years •Summary:
When Rose Weasley finds her best friend dead, she risks her job and forms an unlikely alliance to track down the murderer...
An entry to the Gauntlet Round 7 by Cirelondiel of Hufflepuff.
Date: 12/09/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter One: The Beginning
Interesting start. I would have liked a little bit more description of Rose and Scorpius and their histories, and relationships, as right now, we barely know more about them than what was in the Epilogue. It's hard to say whether Rose's detached, brutal response to finding her best friend murdered is part of her character, or a coping mechanism as she reacts to shock. But I hope you have an interesting whodunit set up here!
Choices by Treacle_Heart
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: We all have to make choices in life. Some decisions are harder to make than others.
Colin Creevey discovers this on the night of his death.
Date: 12/11/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
This was an interesting perspective from a character who never got much attention in the books. I liked Nick's role in the tale, too. Colin's reactions did feel a little flat, though. I would think he'd at least want to see Dennis one more time. But perhaps you wanted to avoid too much angst. The ending wrapped the story up neatly, and it was very touching.
Author's Response: Yes, I don't feel that angst is a strong point of mine, so I really wanted to avoid getting myself immersed in it. Thank you for the review, I really appreciate it. :)
Sirius, Baby by Equinox Chick
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: This is my blatant attempt at romancing my favourite man. It is sung to the tune Santa, Baby.
I am Equinox Chick of Hufflepuff and this is my entry for the Winter Snows Extra Credit- Christmas Carol Parody.
Date: 12/23/08 Title: Chapter 1: Sirius, Baby
That made me chuckle. Well done!
Author's Response: Thank you. Sirius makes me chuckle *sigh*
Gordon Owen and the Eastern Warrior - Book Two of the Evil Kneazle Series by AurorKeefy
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: Just one year ago, Gordon Owen was living the life of any normal eleven-year-old. Most eleven-year-old boys don’t, however, receive invites to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and fewer still find themselves embroiled in the mystery and mayhem that made up Gordon’s first-year. But Gordon’s life isn’t going to get any quieter. In fact, with Quidditch, cats, a new professor and his friend Luke Oakshot around, Gordon’s first-year is going to seem like a walk in the park.
Date: 12/31/08 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue - Somewhere in Time: Arrivals
I am afraid I never actually read your previous story, except for the first chapter with the Kneazlegamot, which I found very amusing. I like this one too. One of these days I guess I should find out what's up with the humans!
Author's Response: Thank you Inverarity! It's peculiar that the Kneazles should have been such a loved part of the series, when in fact they were very much an afterthought in the writing process - despite now being crucial to the plot. I hope you go on to read about Luke and Gordon. Their stars take a little longer to shine than the Kneazles, but ultimately shine rather brighter. Still, if you only wish to read about the famed Felines, that's all good! : )
Artemis and Actaeon by Calico
Rated: 1st-2nd Years •Summary: In James and Lily’s seventh year, everything changes. A war has begun, N.E.W.T.s are approaching, and James is suddenly acting like a whole new person. Lily doesn't know what to think or feel anymore, but it may well be that the events of one moonlit night on the grounds, combined with a dash of Greek mythology, will settle her head and her heart once and for all.
Date: 02/12/09 Title: Chapter 1: Artemis and Actaeon
I don't like James/Lily fics, usually, but I couldn't resist the Greek mythology reference, and the fact that you wrote it. I really liked the way you worked the myth of Artemis and Acteon into this story.
Lily's characterization didn't quite ring true to me, as her reactions and her change of heart seemed a bit too abrupt, and I didn't quite buy her running back into the castle to curl up and sleep if she really thought she'd just cursed James. Also, James seemed to change a little too quickly as well (though with a one-shot, it's hard to show a lot of character development over time).
Despite these criticisms (I think you would have done a splendid job handling their development if you'd written this as a longer story), I think this was well-written and put an original twist on what would have otherwise been a fairly cliched story. The romantic bits were done well, and Lily and James were both three-dimensional.
I think, from this story and from Challah and Pumpkin Juice, that you could write a really good romance if you decided to try your hand at a more mature, multi-chaptered fic.
Author's Response: All of your criticisms were totally valid (actually, I got a lot of the same from my betas), and I'm glad that you pointed them out - I'm always trying to improve. Lily's characterization was probably the hardest thing for me to get right, because I had to make her fit into the myth. And I am very aware that Lily's mood changes were unrealistically abrupt, but, as you said, one-shots make development difficult. As for writing any more romance, I don't think I'm quite ready. The fact that this fic took about half a year to perfect makes me cautious about trying anything along that vein for a while.