This is one of your less funnier chapters, at least the second part, but it advances the story, and is well written, so that's what counts!

*moves on to next chappie*

Author's Response: Yeah, this chapter was a struggle for me because I had to find some way to get across what James and Lily\'s relationship is like, and I couldn\'t make James\'s jokes too funny because otherwise, the readers wouldn\'t be able to sympathise with Lily\'s annoyance. So I basically had him act like this idiot teenaged husband named Van from a TV show I like to watch called \"Reba,\" except Van is actually really funny. (Plus, the whole thing about cats is very important... yep...)

Wow, that's really, really well written! It captures the angsty mood perfectly!

Only two nitpicks:
[I]And he is gone, and the street is exploded.[/I]

Street is exploded sounds a little strange to me here. Perhaps, "he is gone, and the street exploded" or "he is gone, and teh street has exploded"

The second one:
[I]My heart is screaming–people screaming[/I]

What exactly do you mean here? Do you mean Sirius' heart is screaming, and people are screaming, or his heart's screaming seems to be people screaming or something else? I think the "people are screaming" would be a better choice here.

Still, a very well written story, and I love it.

Author's Response: I\'ll go with \"has\" in your first suggestion, but the double ands were merely to help along a stream-of-consciousness mode. Your second suggestion--yeah, it could use another verb. I\'ll go put those in. Sirius is a little off his rocker at that point, and I tried to get into the character when I was writing it...so I suppose I meant all of those things. I\'m impressed you saw so many possibilities in the juxtaposition of those two phrases. Thank you for the review--your comments were helpful, and it was really lovely to get a surprise review during midterm week--definitely made my day!

I liked the story, especially the ending of the wizard bedtime story- nice twist! I also like how you incorporated Mrs Figg… It was also nice in how simple terms the bedtime story was written- because it adjusts to the intelligence of the reader!

Just a small thing in the letter:
It will sadden my parents
Since she is writing to her sister, shouldn’t it be “our parents” or “mother and father” or something?

~BB

I. Can't. Believe. I. Haven't. Read. This. Yet.

I didn't get the email, not my fault! Either way, I enjoyed this! Better late than never!

So... The twist in the end was really, really awesome, unexpected! Why would Apple do that? (I mean, other than the reason that he's the villian, the bad guy, yada yada Yoda...)

~BB

Author's Response: Wow, you didn\'t get the email? Well, surprise! Just about two days before I submit the THIRD book... you\'re lucky you didn\'t have to wait a month and then some like everyone else. As for Apple... you will find out!

It's over? *is sad*

Well, so this being the closing chapter, and having to bring everything together and to an end, wasnt' that funny, but enjoyable all the same.

I. Want. More.

I seriously love all your OC's, and there's no way I can choose a best or worst one...

Congratulations on this awesome story.

~BB

PS: Oh, and when is the last date for your competition? I might enter...

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading and all of your lovely reviews! The contest will end the day after the SECOND chapter of the third Potter\'s Pentagon book is accepted, so you have plenty of time!

Wow! Hilarious! I really, really enjoyed this story- I was laughing the entire time...

I'd quote my favourite parts, but then I'll have to quote the entire chapter... so I won't!

AWESOME story! Keep up the good work!

~BB

Author's Response: Dude, all of you guys are makin\' my day/night/week/month/year, etc. Thank yous!

My greetings to you, Tim the Enchanter.

I too, discovered you off Schmergo's review page, and I am truly amazed by your sense of humour. Although I rather doubt the wizards exposing magic to a muggle, I enjoyed reading all of the letters to Ben.

You have a wonderfull original character there, I am in a hurry to read the third chapter.

My goodness my Guinness! I am such a fan of your humour that I have taken to reading all of your author responses- I know, I am freaky.

Thank you,
Sainyn

Author's Response:

Salutations, Sainyn Swiftfoot Reader-Person Sir!

\r\n\r\n

Thank you for going through the trouble of reviewing each chapter. It seems that Schmergo’s review page is a good place to put in subtle advertisements for stories, isn’t it? A pure Slytherin technique if you ask me!

There's something about the first line in this story that just... I don't know. Lily opened her eyes. The possibilities for a fic starting with this sentence are endless, and they make you curious. An amazing first line.

However, I found that the following sentences seemed a bit too short and choppy. It threw me off a bit... You could maybe merge the third and fourth sentences of the fic, to make a longer, more flowing sentence.

The Muggle superstitions is a nice touch-- Lily is, after all, Mugglebor (hells, she even thought that she was a Muggle for the first eleven years of her life), and that could not have not affected her.

I have to admit that I was somewhat lost with the thing about restaging the photo first-- I wasn't sure what exactly it meant. I got it after that, so no matter.

The symbolism of the photo-- the last tie between Lily and Severus was very interesting, and I liked how Lily burnt the photo in the end, symbolising the finality of her decision, that she was now with James and Severus was a thing of the past. The swings are something we know exist, and that Severus and Lily used to swing on them, so taking that piece of canon and making it a pivotal part of your fic was a wonderful idea.

One part of the fic that I found a bit off, in my opinion, was calling the grown-up Severus 'boy'. (She had learnt a long time ago that this boy was a master at hiding himself, but somehow, to her, he could never hide his eyes. ) I'm not entirely sure why, maybe it's the fact that he was a grown man... But I felt that it sounded weird.

The emotions in this piece-- Lily's uncertainty, her anger towards Severus, Severus' feelings... All together, it created an intense mix that was amazing. You really are a very talented writer.

Speaking of talent, your characterisation was amazing. How Lily was uncertain in the starting, and then upon seeing Severus' Dark Mark, being disgusted and sending him away... It was very well done. Severus was written very well too, I could see the Severus that we know and (this part is up for debate) love doing this.

Frankly speaking, I didn't realise that you never mentioned Severus' name in the entire fic, until the last two words... However, looking back, it was a wonderful touch, and the effect it gave was nice.

All in all, this was a very well written, well-characterised, powerful little one-shot that was really, really well written. Amazing work.

Author's Response: I don't respond to a lot of reviews these days so I hope the others will forgive me that I haven't responded to theirs but I wanted to clarify some of the things that were troubling you.

Firstly: "She had learnt a long time ago that this boy was a master at hiding himself, but somehow, to her, he could never hide his eyes." To me, at this moment in time, she isn't thinking about the Grown-Up Severus. She's conflicted about her feelings for the boy she fell in love with and the man she's about to marry. In writing this fiction, I had the idea of her wondering "what could have been" if she hadn't gone with James. If she'd stayed with the Severus she used to play with at the swings. At this point in her timeline, Lily has perhaps not seen Severus for quite a while. As you can see from the beginning of the story, Lily and James are living together, at least to a certain degree, which would make visits from James' enemy a little impractical. By showing up on the night before her wedding, Severus exaggerates her doubts as it proves he has a heart and loves her, the same heart as the boy who she fell in love with years before.

When Lily confronts him about the Dark Mark, it confirms that she doesn't know who the man is. The boy could never hide his eyes, there is still a touch of the boy about him until the tattoo is revealed and afterwards the eyes are cold.

I always like starting my fictions with an ambiguous line. There's something about subverting expectations about it. People want to know the who, what, where, when and why of a situation. By offering only one or two of these things - Lily being who and opened her eyes being what - the reader is transported to an exact moment of time within their own imagination. I'm not telling you the scene, you're creating it. Think like a movie, Lily opens her eyes - we see a very tight close-up of bright green eyes, rather like those that the directors of HP love to use whenever Harry wakes from a dream - the next moment, I tell you a bit more about the scene and we zoom out, then we zoom out some more. The choppyness of these lines exaggerate the silence and discomfort of the scene, Lily has just woken up and can't comprehend complicated scenery yet.

I like to think there's a touch of Lily about me, so I love writing her. I have no doubt that she's packed full of Muggle ideas. Look at Petunia, a girl doesn't grow up like that without some aspect of normality to idolise. Lily finds herself adapting to the wizarding world in a time where being Muggleborn is extremely dangerous, so her home life is a wonderful way of keeping in touch with everything she's fighting for.

I'm glad you understood the photo eventually. It's quite ambiguously written but I think the meaning becomes clear once the Severus and Lily argue.

Emotion is key to writing. We all want to create an emotional response from our reader, so what better way of doing that is there than showing the emotions of the characters? This is the real beauty of the first line. You enter the story at the same point that Lily does, you open your eyes with her, so there is an immediate connection between yourself and Lily that stays strong throughout the story. When Lily feels strong emotions, they are reflected within yourself and your subconcious to the point where you can feel yourself reacting but you don't know why.

Thank you for the great review, and I'm sorry that I've written an essay in response :D Now you know why I don't respond very often. I hope future readers of this story and this response will get a further insight into the plot and the reasoning behind my story. Thank you for reading! ~ Roxy

I can't pick a favourite part because the whole thing was so damn good! I'm not that big a fan of deep fics, but I really, really liked this one!

The second person POV was wonderfully done, and so was the tense change. It all added to the powerfulness of this already powerful story. I am amazed by your writing!

Just small nitpick:

The sounds of your father and another unknown man waft
Shouldn't the "waft" be "wafted"?

If I don;t wrap up this review, it'd probably go on and on raving about your story, so I'll just pinpoint some of the really nice things that I liked. I loved the Sirius' and Regulus' adventure, Sirius' and his father's exchange, and Regulus' childish manner of speaking.

Just out of curiousness, this is probably a stupid and entirely obvious question, but what exactly was the box all about? I know what was in it, but why was it paid for, and all that? Was it some remnants of a Muggle murder or something?

All in all, a wonderful one-shot.

Author's Response: Oh, geez, I just relalized I hadn\'t responded to this. Sorry! It says in the book that Aunt Araminta was the one that wanted to make Muggle hunting legal. So, I kind of spun off that and made all the things in the box cursed Muggle objects... Thanks very much for the review!

I caught that Zucchini-Zabini thing! However, I did not know who Widebuttocks was until you told us, and then I started to laugh!

In the list:
1) Introduce self
2) Give overview of class (see individual class page)
#) Give out quiz (to see how much they know)
4) Set homework (Essay/read 1st chapter in book)

You've written #) instead of 2)

~BB

Author's Response: Well, I\'m glad I\'ve made someone laugh recently. I\'ve gone to change that. *curses stupid typos*