This is such a cool story. Seriously. On MNFF, I've only been hooked on a few as much as your one. I'm kind of sad that it will only be another four chapters long, but that's OK. Life goes on.

Anyway, besides that, I think Marlie sounds ever so slightly suspicious by not saying Jilly's name - but she's still one of the good girls, and Grace is definitely not a baddy either. I feel sorry for her in a way.

I also loved the way James just left Lily alone when he heard her crying (at least the guy's sensitive). I think nowadays, everyone thinks that girls need a shoulder to cry on, and that's not true. Lily's one of those girls who probably doesn't want anyone to see her cry, because that's just embarrassing.

Finally, I hope you post the next chapter soon. I can't wait!

~Soraya~

P.S. I just looked at the lyrics of the song you were referring to in your A/N, and I just clocked on that the lyrics are the names of the chapters! God, I'm so stupid sometimes!

Author's Response: I'm glad you like it so much! I'm a little sad it's almost over, too, but I guess I'll just have to start another multi-chapter Lily/James after :) And I feel a little bad for Grace, too. I'm glad you liked how James left Lily be -- that's certainly what I would want someone to do if I were in Lily's position. Thanks for the review! The next chapter should be up soon.

That was such a brilliant story. You should definitely think about writing crime with your own OCs. I'd totally read any books you write.

The fact that Sirius didn't want Lily and James to say anything about Regulus is quite touching, really. Even though Sirius despised his brother, he didn't want him to go to Azkaban or whatever, and it shows that sibling love is pretty deep. I should know, I've got two brothers and a sister and there's no way I'd just let my friends snitch on them if they do anything wrong. It's like an unspoken rule.

I also like how Sirius used Snape as an example. Even though Lily didn't love Snape like that, she still loved him, in a strange way. I think the characterisation of Lily in this story has been brilliant: the sarcasm, the bluntness, the effortless intelligence and the stubbornness is all very Lily - and very Harry. It was great that Lily comforted Sirius in the end, because of all people, I thought Sirius would have been the most mad at Lily, but he wasn't.

Just one thing, there are several typos in this chapter, for example:

"I'll you chaps later, then," James said quietly.

I don't mean to be picky, just that I noticed that there were more typos in this chapter than usual. I just wanted to let you know.

All in all, this is one of the best stories ever written on MNFF, seriously. I hope you write another chaptered James/Lily fic soon. I'm looking forward to the epilogue and what happened to Regulus and Snape as well!

~Soraya~

Author's Response: Thank you! One of my main goals (probably the main goal I had) when I started writing this was to write Lily and James well, to write them in-character and with more depth. So I'm so glad that you like how Lily was written -- and that you think her similar to Lily! In my head, Harry is so much Lily's son, even if he looks more like his father. And I completely agree about siblings -- I have two brothers and a sister as well, and I can't imagine anything could happen that would ever make me truly hate them, even if they did do something terrible. As for the typos -- *sigh* -- they'll be the death of me. Please point them out, and don't feel bad about it!

Hi, Neil. It’s Soraya here. I thought it was about time I reviewed some of your stories (!) since I've started beta’ing your work.

I really enjoyed this! You told me that this was your first story that got accepted on SIYE and even though I think I’ve read it before I thoroughly relished reading it a second time. Harry’s comments to Ron were delightfully tongue-in-cheek (and so very Harry) and I became quite fond of this Steve character too, believe it or not. What I liked best was how everyone was together — everyone from Hogwarts, who was in Harry’s speech. I like how you characterised the Grangers too.

The humour was probably the best part of it all, because as you wrote “Harry let the cheers subside”, I was also cheering and laughing (in my head of course). That’s the most brilliant way of a writer saying “I know I'm funny”. Harry and Ron definitely have good senses of humour!

Since I read the epilogue of DH more than three years ago, I've always wondered about what Ron and Hermione’s wedding was like, but I never once imagined what their wedding breakfast would be like — most likely because in Asian weddings, there are no wedding breakfasts, so I didn't know about it until now. I think you did a great job on it and really filled in that crack of canon very well, so well done.

Erm, a couple of nitpicks: Demelza “Robins” should be Demelza “Robbins” if my canon memory serves me correctly; “galleons” should be “Galleons”. “In-law’s” doesn’t need the apostrophe. Plus, when someone is speaking for more than a paragraph, the rule is that you start it with a speech mark, but you don't end the paragraph with one, although the next paragraph starts with a speech mark, and this goes on until the paragraphs are broken by narrative. Does that make sense?

OK, I won’t point out any more typos! Seriously though, nice one. And was this your first fic? My first was awful, so well done!

~Soraya~

Author's Response:
Soraya

This was the first story I had approved anywhere. It’s probably been rewritten half a dozen times since it first appeared, and it’s still not right. In my experience there is a “Steve” at most weddings. A loud and brash relative who is keen to score (at the last one I attended he was a she).

The reception, or the wedding breakfast is a big part of UK weddings. JKR showed us Bills, but she skirted over the speeches and that was a wizard wedding. I wanted something more traditionally English (like Hermione). After all, it’s traditionally the bride’s family who host, and they are Muggles marrying off their only daughter. The speeches take a set order, bride’s father, groom, best man and they all say what they are traditionally supposed to say.

It’s definitely Robins, not Robbins, but you’re right about Galleons. Also, when I wrote this I wasn’t aware of the speech mark rule. I am now, so I really should fix this. Given that you’ve left me five reviews, I’ll make correcting these stories a job for the weekend.

Thanks
Neil

Carole. I was planning on reading this for a long, long time, but I just kept forgetting. It was after you said something on the beta boards about how you put a lot of yourself in this story, since we were discussing self-insertion (although how we got onto the subject I can't remember).

This story was very touching. The way Ginny kept putting things off, the fact that for two weeks, she found it impossible to go and see him...it was so sad. It really touched my heart and very nearly made me cry. At first, I didn't know it was Arthur, but then when Ginny said "Your grandad" my heart really went out for her.

The title was very clever and the ending was heartbreaking. Gosh, why am I using the word "heart" so much? I'm always telling other people off for repeating themselves when I'm beta'ing and yet here I am, saying the same word over and over. I guess that's because it really was heart-wrenching, and I fully sympathise with you. The ending was perfectly fitting, with Ginny dreaming about her dad getting better, when really, he wasn't. The use of the garden, too, was interesting.

One tiny, tiny nitpick: '“Ahh, Midas touch, I think,” says Arthur as he leans in inhale the fragrance once more.'

There should be a "to" after the "in" and before the "inhale."

Thank you for writing, as always, Carole, but especially with this story because it was based on something close to my heart (I'm doing it again!!) and I don't think I've been touched by a story more.

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review, Soraya. This was a hard subject to approach but one of the quickest I'd written simply because I wanted to get it down. I think there was a question on the boards about using RL experiences which is why I mentioned it. I'm not sure I'd do anything quite so revealing again. Thanks again and I shall fix that type. ~Carole~

Squeeeeeee!!!! Carole, this is the shortest review I've ever left you (I think) but I just wanted to say that I've been meaning to read this for ages, and I'm very, very glad I did. Nice job!!

~Soraya~

Author's Response: Thank you. This is possibly my favourite story I've written. Not totally sure why, but I do remember me angsting over it. Glad you enjoyed the story, anyway. ~Carole~

Hi, Akay. When you left all those lovely reviews on Checkmate, I did tell myself that I was going to review one of your stories. And I am so, so glad I did. You're truly a talented author and I really like your writing style.

The premise of Harry Potter dying from natural causes -- or as natural as you can get, with smoking, anyway -- is one that I have never, ever come across in fanfiction. Never. So it pleasantly surprised me to see something more original being used in this oneshot, which isn't at all like ordinary Next Generation oneshots, in more ways than one.

Before I ladle on the praise, I have a question. When Harry says, "Never marry twice", and it's Hermione who's telling him off, does that mean they're married? Perhaps it's because I'm a bit sleepy today or because I'm completely knackered after such a long day, but I'm baffled, to be honest. I reread the first few paragraphs several times and it didn't really sink in, and by the end of the story it still hasn't sunk in, so if you want to tell me, I'd be glad to know what you meant.

OK, nitpick aside (and it's probably my fault about misunderstanding) I really loved Harry's characterisation. You've really bridged the time gap between this story and the epilogue, and I have to say that he hasn't changed much since the book. I thought that his manner was just Harry-like enough and not still adolescent, which is how many bad fanfiction writers portray an adult Harry. Well done on that, because I think, even though Harry's the central character, characterisation is made all the harder due to such firm foundations on his character, and especially years after the epilogue, which most Next Generation stories don't really deal with.

This story, really, was emotionally draining. The insertion of my least-favourite Next Gen ship, Lily/Scorpius, didn't deter me, and that, I think, is the mark of a good author. Even with things I don't like, you can get away with it, and keep me reading as well. I really like how you used that as a backdrop to Albus delivering the news of Harry's death, especially Albus noticing the little details like Lily's smile resembling Harry's.

Often, I'm not a big fan of first person, and especially not present tense. However, after reading this, I have to admit that you have converted me entirely, and that I will have to attempt that style at some point in the future. I mean, yeah, I use it in OF, but I find it so difficult to do so in fanfiction, purely because I don't think I know the character well enough and that I'm not really "in" the moment enough for me to be able to put myself in said character's shoes to write him/her properly. For you to pull this off so flawlessly is a great achievement. You're a great writer and commend you for this oneshot. It's one you should be proud of. Ta for writing. And ta for all your lovely reviews for Checkmate! (Are you still reading it? Or did you get bored?)

~Soraya~

Author's Response:
Hey!

When Harry says, "Never marry twice" what he actually means is that Hermione is almost always on his case when he's smoking, and he feels like he has another wife in addition to Ginny. Somehow I see Ginny as just dealing with Harry smoking without trying to stop him much. At least not always. Hermione's concern and friendship and relationship with Harry is a different one. I think she'd always be full of reprimands. Harry takes it good naturedly as one would do with a friend of so many years. I hope that explains it.

I think Harry is a hard character to write about effectively. I'm glad that you liked how he came off in the story. My inspiration behind him are known personalities today, people who are celebrated for the work they do. I find it intriguing the way they come off in media and I often wonder whether they really are like that in real life. When I thought of this as I planned to write it, I'd remembered the quote I included by AurorKeefy who is a former member of the beta boards. I thought it summed my original idea very well. Keeping that in mind, I let myself in Grimmauld Place for a day and let the rest of the story write itself.

"Emotionally draining" is such a compliment. Thank you for that! I have given a thought to what you mention next, and I realised one time that my story was probably an amalgam of some ideas we usually come across in next-gen stories and some ideas which were entirely new. I think I just didn't want Albus (who is the narrator) to think about anything far too deeply besides the idea of how different people had viewed Harry throughout his life and viewed him now that he was gone.

It's interesting what you say about the present tense because people tell me that often. To realise that I have you converted is such an amazing surprise. Usually the present tense is the only tense I'm able to reasonably pull off. The reason I write so scarcely and with tonnes of trouble given to me by the characters in my stories is because, I find it hard at times also to get into their heads. Yet, I still love that with the present tense there's somehow a chance of taking myself away from the story entirely and let you connect with only the character in it. If I do it well, they tell you their story and I'm nowhere to be seen.

I'm still reading Checkmate, but exams are chugging forth like Hogwarts Express on the first of September and that's why I haven't been there much. The first few chapters are the most important ones for any author, so I wanted to let you know that you were doing brilliantly with it. Those reviews I delivered. Will drop by as I get time.

Thank you for taking the time to review this, Soraya – Akay

This was really good. I enjoyed reading this, because there have been loads of different versions of this that I've read and this is by far one of my favourites. It seemed a very realistic missing moment from the book. Well done!

~Soraya~

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Glad you liked it!

Hi again, Jess.

OK, well, because this story is so long I don't want to be reviewing with every chapter I've decided to leave you one massive review at the epilogue instead. I just want to say, before I start, that this story was one of the best that I've ever read, and that’s a promise.

So, at the beginning it’s really good, how you started it and everything. The fact that James killed someone was enough to get me really curious and made me want to read on, so much so that I've been neglecting my GCSE homework because I wanted to read more and more. I do think that everyone speaks really…properly, if you like. There are almost no apostrophes, which strikes me as slightly odd. For example, “Yes, James, I will. You are my friend, and you are family. Name it and I shall do what I can. What is this message you need me to take to your father?” But, hey, maybe you were trying to go for the serious effect of the whole chapter?

Also I realised immediately that it was Lily, the woman who was in a coma. It gave it away when you said she had red hair, but still, it was really interesting and I'm dying to know what’s going on and how Lily ended up there. I like how you’ve managed to stick to canon throughout so far and I also like that Lily was sorted into Slytherin, not Albus. Everyone expected that Al would but he didn't. And you're right, there are almost no fics about what the Next Gen gang get up to when they're actually adults and Molly and Arthur are great-grandparents already. So it’s great that you wrote this because I've never come across anything quite like it.

When I got to Chapter 7 I immediately thought oh my God, LILY did it? Lily? No way. No. Apart from if what Greg did to Lily was so bad that she had to do the Cruciatus and kill him? Even that…or maybe if someone made Lily do it? I thought that it had to be something really bad that James wanted to cover for her. When I finished chapter 11, I knew that Gregory did something to Lily! I feel so sorry for James though, I felt like crying when I read what he had to go through. I like how you included Scorpius and Hermione’s insistence that he stay outside while Rose gave birth. It was so overprotective and motherly and totally Hermioneish, particularly when Hermione knew that Scorpius would be allowed in the room if Rose was to have another child.

I knew that Lily’s definitely going to escape. I love how you included wandless magic in this story, about how Harry can do it and so can Lily yet James and Al can’t. That will definitely come in handy later on when she's trying to get away from Greg. I'm intrigued about what’s going to happen later on, because you’ve answered quite a few of my questions that I had initially, when I started reading the story.

When I got to chapter 13 I had to say, I’ve fallen in love with Scorpius. If I was Anne I’d probably swoon on the spot, to be honest. I really liked how it was all tying in together now, making more sense in my head. I feel really bad for Albus, how angry he was when he found out what really happened to Lily. Oh, I wished so badly that James could just come out of Azkaban so he could help find Lily! I also really liked the whole interaction with Albus and Draco; of all people, I didn’t expect Draco to open up to him at all, but maybe I've just underestimated him. I've never liked Draco but now I'm starting to warm to him, just like Albus, really. This story has got to be one of the best I’ve read on MNFF, I swear. And I don't say that about a lot of stories, let me tell you.

At Chapter 14 I thought oh my God, what does Draco have to do that’s so bad Harry has to be tied to his bed?? But I knew Harry will survive. If JKR couldn’t kill him off, I don't think you can either. Goyle is so horrible – how could he do that to Eric? And then tell Lily to “tend to him”? What a son of a b*tch! I think you’ve characterised Harry and Albus really well, and especially how Albus suddenly has this new angry kind of persona, which reminds me of Harry in OOTP.

I didn't think that Ginny would be an alcoholic. How could you? Then again, I guess it was always inevitable. I can’t blame her. After all she's been through…well she's got no excuse, not really. One criticism, more on my personal preferences than anything, I do think that it was wrong to split Harry and Ginny up like that (being a rabid H/G shipper) but it’s your opinion, after all. I was so glad when Goyle was locked up. He so deserved it. I wished Scorpius killed him, to be honest. It was so inevitable that Draco would die as well.

Draco and Katie was an unexpected pairing but a good one all the same. And I can’t believe that they had a child together! I felt sorry for Mira too – none of it was fair for her, she didn't deserve any of what happened. I've never heard of anyone being allergic to strawberries and certainly not committing suicide with an allergy, but it was such a great idea and I looked it up and I was surprised to find that it was actually true.

James’ trial was more than fair, in my opinion. It was Lily’s trial that I didn't like, but I suppose Kingsley couldn’t be biased or anything. And it made me smile to hear Ginny ask to join her in Azkaban. And I suppose anyone would need psychiatric help after what she went through. I like how everyone understands each other at long last, in the epilogue. Your characterization of Astoria was a bit too harsh for my liking, though. Other than that, I do think that the funeral was fabulously written, and I have to say that I wasn’t surprised when Harry made a pass for Katie. It was obvious from the beginning that there was something between them but it wasn’t like that, if you know what I mean.

I love the fact that you have managed to tackle so many sensitive issues within this story: rape, murder, manslaughter, pregnancy, euthanasia, suicide, death…all of these things have been explored so well. I'm really impressed with how this story has grown on me as I've read it. At first I thought it was written ever so slightly shakily but it got better very quickly and I especially liked the Albus/Anne pairing. Finally, I liked the symbolism of Harry setting fire to his house. It was a brilliant way to end what has been, as you said, a roller coaster. It has certainly been the longest roller coaster that I've ever been on and definitely one of the best. I totally get why this story is your baby. If I had written it, it would be my baby too.

Thanks so much, Jess, for writing this story, which has really touched my heart and made me remember why I bother to read stories at all.

~Soraya~

Author's Response:

*slaps self in face*

What a wonderful review! Seriously, that you liked the story well enough to take the amount of time that one would spend writing such a substantial write-up is touching and reminds me why I adore writing fan fiction so much. I poured a lot of myself into this story, staying up until six or seven in teh morning, sometimes even later than that, in the pursuit of finishing it, so I like to think that it was worth the effort. Your review just gave me warm fuzzies to the point where I would write it all over again in a heartbeat just because of that.

I'll address your concerns first, which were the writing style in the beginning and a couple characterization choices. This story was the very first thing that I had written for both fan fiction and frankly at all since I was in school, which was longer ago than I would care to admit, so the beginning is rather wordy, melodramatic and even slightly pedantic. That you chose to read on because of the story makes me glad, because I really do think my style improved as the piece wore on. Now, in terms of my other pieces, this one is written rather poorly, but if I may be so bold, I do think the story is enough to compensate for much of that.

I chose to break up Harry and Ginny because ther were so many other unincluded events leading up to it that, in context, would make far more sense. You remember, i trust, when Ginny said that Harry's life had been threatened seven times, and Ginny had endured his lack of seriousness on teh subject, knowing that he was being reckless and stupid. Then there was what was going on with Katie, and from an outsider standpoint, it probably did look like an affair. All of that, combined with the fact that she had been kept in the dark about what was going on with Lily and james was certainly enough to drive a normal person to drink and definitely to divorce. They made up in the end when Ginny finally understood the enormous burden that Harry had borne for so long, but things can't be unsaid, and some deeds cannot be undone. 

I am actually surprised that you disliked Astoria as a character, because I never pictured Draco's marriage as a happy one. First off, he had been in love with another woman, and she (at least in my universe) had only been pushed into marrying him because she wanted to take advantage of his diminished social status and her her hands on Malfoy money. I checked canon everywhere I could, and there was nothing that said she was a nice person at all. I just chose that because after all that he had done, Draco almost didn't deserve to be happy. Fate wouldn't have chosen it for him anyway.

I wanted Draco to realize that he had been warped from birth into believing that he was superior, and I didn't want him to want that for his son. Even if Astoria is a frosty b!tch, Draco would know that it is his duty as a father to raise a good man for a son, if only to atone for his own past. Hence you get the Scorpius of this story, the one that Albus could care for as a brother and one that Rose could let herself fall for. I'm actually going to tie in my other story, Written in the Stars, to this one so readers can see how this all happened.

Albus, to me, was the real victory in the story. I know I made him seem a rather pathetic person, but in reality, he was. He was coasting through life, living in the shadow of his bloody perfect older brother and outshined by his beautiful, attention-seeking sister. He existed in silence and was not really even a whole person for reasons that I will not divulge due to WitS spoilers. There was no way that I could bear to make my favorite character that miserable, and random chance afforded me the opportunity to make him whole again.

I am indebted to you for this fabulous review. Truly, I am. There are, as you said, a score of sensitive topics in this story, and I've not truly experienced any of them, so that I handled them with care and tact relieves me. It is never my wish to offend anyone, so it's good to know that I have not thus far done so.

All in all, this story was a masochistic rollercoaster for me. It was painful at times, and at others, it was bliss and harmony. I even managed to keep myself from imprinting my favorite ship (Harmony) onto it and stuck to canon. I wrote it with the full realization that there really was nothing out there like it, especially amongst a very small pool of adult Next-Gen character stories. I wanted this to be one of those stories that made one think, "Yes, I believe this. It sucks, but it makes sense."

Complete hugs for the awesome review, and I really hope to see you again on my review page. Until next time!

~Jess 

That was really good! You definitely deserved the award for best Dark/Angsty!

~Soraya~

Author's Response: Thank you Soraya!  I am very honoured to have won, and I am glad you enjoyed it.

Haha...I agree with you, the last verse is a bit suggestive for Celestina. Still, I LOL'd when I read the "further south" bit, seriously. Keep up the poetry, it's brilliant!

~Soraya~

Author's Response:

Thank you very much for your review. Forgive the delayed reply but I've not been onsite for a long while. Glad you enjoyed saucy Celestina's latest hit, and thanks for the kind words!

M :)