I laughed throughout this entire thing, I hope you know. At every turn, Hermione was finding out that she had done something ridiculously uncharacteristic, each one of which was more outrageous than the next.

The use of a cursed book is a stroke of creativity that I personally adore. To take something that is unique to Hermione amongst her friends (books) and turn it into her downfall is excellent.

And McLaggen. I mean...seriously, in his underpants? Freaking hysterical - so much so that I'm still laughing periodically at the mental image. I love you for that. :D

George nodded solemnly. “That’s all there was to it, Hermione.”

She grinned at him. “Oh, thank goodness for that. I was afraid I’d done something really awful.” She stopped and blushed again. “Not that being with you would be at all awful, George. I’m sure you’re very ... um...”

He laughed. “Yes, Hermione, I’m very ... ‘um’.’”

This. Part. Is. Classic. It just seems like such a George thing to say, not to mention a very Hermione attempt to remove her foot from her mouth. :D

Until we meet YET again (no, I'm not done),

Jess

Haha, now I'm going to leave you a less crappy review than I did on LJ!

Just as the other reviewers pointed out, I really like how you characterised Teddy. He seemed like he was in such a state, and his emotions and doubts were so real for me as a reader. I really don't think I've read a better rendition of him during my time in fan fiction (I haven't read Teddy/Victoire as a pairing, but I've read them as separate characters). He is just so genuine and human, it really adds so much to your story.

Victoire was good for as much facetime as she got. Though Teddy was the main focus of the fic, Victoire was a huge part of this, and I really loved how you had her lie to Teddy. Imperfect people make perfect stories to me, and the way both she and Teddy were imperfect, flawed human beings really added so much to their believability.

Your Harry made me laugh. He's so much like the Harry I know in my head. He was a star, covering for Teddy, even against he fearsome flock of redheaded Weasley women. That takes some stones, hehe. He didn't judge, but he was understanding. Contrary to popular belief, Harry had a lot of growing up to do after DH, and learning to accept mistakes and so forth was part of that. You showed an appropriate amount of insight into his personality, and since he's my favourite major character, I really love that about this piece.

Your meticulous work with the timeline was... I have no words. There was not one canon mistake. Not a single one. I can't even describe the number of times that I've read Next-Gen stories and figuratively - and sometimes literally - beat my head on my desk, frustrated because a simple fact in canon, easily accessed through the Lexicon, was missed because the author couldn't be arsed to look it up.

The fact that you got everyone's age right, the characters in general, and it was well-written makes this an awesome fic - one which I intend to put in the recommendation thread on the Beta Boards for this category. You made me smile the first time I read it, and I loved it just as much the second time around. 

The pacing and flow of the story were spectacular. There were no dead moments in the story, and there were none that were too overloaded with information or drama. It was structured just so beautifully for readability and enjoyability. It is a gift among writers (and one that I do not have, I'm afraid) for ease in reading their work. Enjoy this gift, and don't you dare waste it!

I hope you love this fic as much as I do, because you've really done a stellar piece of characterisation for Teddy. Total win for you!

Well, that's all for now, so take care and happy writing. I am, of course, on the lookout for new chapters of The Torment Bred in the Race. ^_^

Jess

Ooh, my first Femmeslash!

This story is passionate, feisty, raw, and heartbreaking all at once. Poor Amelia for having to live her life alone, and poor Bellatrix for having to kill the one she really wanted to be with.

This doesn't feel like normal slash at all; it gives me the 'this really could have happened' feeling, which is a super, mega bonus. 

Very nice, and I'm glad to see you beat this one into submission, considering the amount of angst it caused you, lol.

Until we meet again!

Jess

*crossing fingers, hoping this thing will let me review*

Aw, Jules, it was gorgeous. The way you manipulate the words, make them more than the sum of their syllables, is truly amazing. The language supersedes mere characters on a page, each word blending together so soulfully, glued together with an extra helping of amazing that seems to flow from you when you write poetry. Every line of this poem makes me remember that part. I will admit, I DID see the movie before I read the book, but I will also admit that I CRIED IN PUBLIC.

You, dear, have given me a tear or two on this day, a little bit of heartbreak, and an overall sense of awe. So much happened around Harry as he knelt at Dumbledore's side, so much that he missed. You brought it to life, you gave it tangibility outside of what we 'know' happened.

I really love how your use of iambic pentameter allows it to roll of the tongue with ease. There just isn't anything in it that is sloppy or difficult to handle. The repetition really helps to tie it in so well, bringing the reader (that's me!) back to Harry, but each foray into the background from Harry and Dumbledore's body brings a new, powerful emotion to the surface. I have no idea if you do that intentionally (I'm guessing you do), or whether it's just something that comes naturally, but I am so glad that I can type this out, since I seriously can't talk right now.

Absolutely stunning. It's absolutely stunning, and the moment the nomination threads for QSQs go up, this bad boy is going on there.

Very sincerely,

Jess

PS-Please excuse my rambliness. You do that to me sometimes with your awesomeness.

Author's Response: Oh, Jess! Thanks for the read and lovely review! I always like hearing what you think. Is it mean that I'm quite proud of giving you a tear? That's made grin like a complete lunatic! Oh well. Anyway, thank you so much for the glowing review and hope for a possible QSQ nomination :p You're awesome as well! Julia XD

I think my largest decision of the day was to read or not to read a canon-based story. Of course, when canon seemed the decent thing to do for the night, your author page was one of the first that popped into my head. So, I picked a story of yours that I was fairly certain I’d never read before and clicked on it. Silly me, I found that I indeed had read this before and had just forgotten and not reviewed. For shame! However, after another close read of the story, I would dearly like to rectify that matter.

There are so many beautiful elements to this story. First off, as usual with your work, the characterisation was flawless. I don’t know if anyone has a better grasp on the Weasleys and Hermione other than JKR herself. Your use of imagery is sparkling and vivid, to the point where the tangible was being moulded into the abstract, yet they melded perfectly. And, naturally, the sheer magnetism of your writing style is so wonderful and engaging. I can’t tell you how jealous I am of your ability to wrap me up into a word blanket and show me this little slice of what cannot be anything other than pure fact.

First off, the most stunning part of the whole story was the melancholy voice that underlined Hermione’s narrative. It really brought out so many facets of her character. One thing that I think people miss about Hermione is that she does have the ability to laugh at herself when she knows she’s being difficult. For instance, in SS/PS, she told Harry that he was a great wizard — greater than her books and cleverness, specifically. And, just like then, in this story, when she saw herself as more of a hindrance to the twins than a friend, it reminded me of that very canon instance.

Another brilliant part of how well you have drawn her was when she observed that she wasn’t sure where she really had stood with Fred. Most people would have assumed that they were friends because she saw Fred more than 90% of her classmates. Yet she, ever sharp individual that she is, had the ability to see that their interactions weren’t indicative of the common view of friendship. Just like when Hermione noticed that Cho spent a lot of time crying and upset and why that was, when Harry, her boyfriend, didn’t particularly notice or have much idea. As in that case, she had a similar crisis about her true place in Fred’s life and in his death. While it was true that it was moot in the end, it fits her so well that she questioned it at all.

George in this story was just so unmistakably him. Every line, every quip, every gesture, just spoke so much of how I saw him in the series. Yet, you managed to postulate such a convincing scenario about how he might have mourned Fred, using both what we know for certain and that little person inside your head that just seems to get the Weasleys. In particular, where he said, “I have magic powers” when Hermione asked how he was able to make her feel better in her grief when he was so very stricken himself, I totally wanted to giggle and hug George all at once. The way you structured his attitude and demeanour during the rest of the story really gave him life and body when he said this.

Even the role-players in the story were fabulous. In particular, I think Ron was well done. He was in just the right place that he should’ve been at this point after the Battle. He was just starting to build on his feelings and relationship with Hermione while simultaneously carrying around the albatross that is watching a sibling being murdered. From Hermione’s perspective, I can actually see that battle in his head, the one that is happy that they’re finally going somewhere besides in circles, but feeling sick for thinking he was allowed a bit of joy without Fred there to share it with. Every subliminal message, every buried meaning, built this very well, and in the end when he was freaking out over her being gone after dark, showed how masterfully you did this. So, so good! And even Harry’s brief appearance was good, because he’s in his own little world and has every faith in Hermione to be able to keep herself safe and sound. It fit splendidly.

Your gorgeous use of characters almost made me forget about your utter drool-worthy use of imagery. Every descriptive sentence built toward the story and tied into the theme in some way, with not a wasted word. I appreciate this quality so much because it is something I wish I could do. So often, it’s tempting to use that poetic, sing-song language to put surface emotion onto weak prose (and I am guilty as charged), but for you to super glue it to the actual plot itself is pure deliciousness. In the first paragraph, you use vivid, bright colours to describe the vista, and then there was that alarmingly lurid chair, both of which were things that associated my brain to the twins.

I freely admit that, while the summary uses the phrase ‘rambunctious joy’, the eleven letters part made my mind quickly assume that the story was AU and that Harry had died. I’ve no idea why, but it’s actually what hooked me onto the story. But when I saw that it was about Hermione and Fred’s dynamics and how she saw herself, it was so much better than what I had expected. I mean, how many people think about how Fred saw Hermione? How many actually take the time to explore the characters’ relationship in a story and enrich canon so wonderfully? Well, I hope no one else does, because this story is damned near perfect in the sense of what you set out to do.

There is so much that can be said for how you wrote this story. It’s in a limited narrative, yes, but it’s so much more than that. It’s like dropping an Extendable Ear into Hermione’s head. It feels so richly and truly her, and every thought and carefully placed word adds to that. For instance, when she tried to suss out how the Weasleys saw her, since Harry was the ‘fun’ one and she the ‘responsible’ one because he used his Triwizard earnings to fund WWW. But the truly great part was next, when she still added that she’d thought she was right to do so then. It is a classic example of her logic asserting itself firmly, even though it didn’t make her the most fun or exciting person to be around. The narrative was just so indelibly her that it was fantastic.

There was one small slip-up in the voice of the following passage:

He tried to smile at this, but it was always hard hearing Fred and himself complimented as one person. It made him hurt more, but at the same time, it was a kind of comfort. George had learned one thing since May: Grief had no rules, and plenty of contradictions.

This paragraph is quite distinctly in George’s point of view, whereas the rest of the piece is all Hermione. It is a bit jarring, trying to figure out whether Hermione is a super genius about people’s emotions or if the point of view had changed. I adore the message, especially the last line that grief had no rules, but it didn’t fit into the rest of the story quite as well because of the voice slip-up. However, a little bit of jiggery pokery could easily put that as Hermione observing his facial expressions and knowing what was going on in his head. Just a suggestion.

All in all, the way you built the characters and surrounded them by such lovely prose is a testament to the brilliant author you are. I’m so glad I’m a dunce who can’t properly read a summary, or else I might not have clicked on this story first. I’m constantly amazed by how little you think of the way you write when you have stupidly beautiful things like this on your author page to prove just how wrong you are about this. Please, please never stop writing the Weasleys. I know they aren’t my favourite Potter group, but you truly do them justice. And the more people who read this story and ones like it, the better the whole Potterverse will be.

*hugs*

~Jess

Ooh, Paige!

A sequel to OLS is just what the doctor ordered. It's sort of fitting that the sequel to the first fan fiction I ever read is at the same time as the sequel to the first fan fiction I ever wrote.

While it took a while for me to remember all of the characters, I realised that I really miss reading the original story. Since I'm in too good a mood to write right now (for various reasons), I think I'm going to re-read it.

I really like how Lucius still manages to stick his nose into Scorpius's business from afar. It's just so... in character. 

The way Albus acts toward Scorpius is absolutely a gem. He likes the guy, doesn't want to admit it, but he still has to let him know that he means business. Since I write about him a lot, I like to think I know Albus, a character near and dear to my heart, and you make him become what I expect. Yay!

Anyway, great chapter, and I love all the little details, like Quidditch Illustrated. It takes concepts with which we're all familiar and incorporates them into your world, and it adds an air of commonality with the teenagers in this fic and the ones that are probably reading it. I love pieces in which a reader can identify with the story and characters.

Cheers, great chapter, and I'm looking forward to the next. 

Take care (you and the puppy) and happy writing!

Jess

/ramble

Ooh, a torched Knights vacation home! I like it already. Pleeeeeeaaaaaase say that there'll be pirates. Everything's better with pirates.

Charming chapter, and it'll be interesting to see if our intrepid young couple can keep their hands off one another, lol.

Happy writing!

Jess

Aww, you already know that I love this poem, but I know how much reviews kick ass, so I'm going to exalt you anyway.

Long, tapered fingers,
Undulating velvet skin,
Poetry of motion -
Rhythmic,
Halting,
Smooth,
And rough. 

Yay to sex references! It just seemed to fit the bill for a first-time encounter, with the exploration and the halting advances that speak of trying something - or someone - new.

The language is so very pretty. You get the most out of every syllable and really make them work for your end, which is to convey passion and waiting and loving. 

It's also seeming like it was meant to be shortly after the battle. As much as JKR would probably want Ginny to be a 'wait until she's married' girl, when the shit hits the fan, in the end, simple pleasures - or complex ones, for that matter - mean so much more. Why wait when you can't even be sure that you're going to live to finally experience it?

Anyway, enough rambling from me. Beautiful work, as usual, and I'll see you in like five seconds!

~Jess

Hello, and good day to you, Neil!

I should be ashamed of myself, but this is actually the first story of yours that I’ve read on the archives. It’s really a shame, I must say, because you really are very good. When I’m on my next fic hunt, I shall most definitely look you up.

This is a very fascinating character portrait. You’ve taken Lavender, who we only know as a silly girl who fangirls Trelawney and likes Ron far too much for her own good, and given her a life and a body and an existence. Sure, it’s a tragic and unenviable existence, but I can’t help but admire her attitude. She knows that her moral fibre is not quite intact, and I think that’s what I like about her the most. She gives a damn, yet she doesn’t. I know it sounds contradictory, but it’s really the only way I can think to say it.

I, too, ship a tragic Seamus/Lavender, so I greatly appreciate how you built her reactions to the weddings of not only her friends, but her former boyfriend, as well. It was a bit of a twist to find out that she dumped him, not the other way around. I would be very interested to know why she did that. That is, of course, unless you’ve already got a story about that or a plot bunny waiting in the wings. If that’s the case, then I can’t wait to find out.

Your portrayal of Harry is interesting. One of the things that we noticed about Harry is that, when he’s focussed on something (or someone), he rarely thinks of anything else. As you said, he is observant, and one would have to be to qualify as Head Auror, but his focus on Ginny is very in-character. I consider myself very in tune with Harry as a character, so when I read your story, I get a very good feel for the person that I know to be him from it.

I find it interesting that you called the random Muggle bloke either ‘Dave’ or ‘name might be Dave’. It really shows Lavender’s worldliness. She understands that most words are only that, and more often than not, not much truth can be found within them. It makes her soul seem very old, though she is actually young in body. I think this is also a damned good characterisation bit on your part.

Another brilliant aspect is the almost robotic way that Lavender references her potions. She mentions carrying contraceptive potion and hangover potion like it was old hat, which adds to her sad, party girl exterior. Just the casual way she thinks of these things makes me feel bad for her and what she’s allowed herself to become.

In terms of style, I think the use of present tense, while okay, probably wasn’t necessary. I do think that first person is a must in this case, due to the intimate nature of the portrait of Lavender, but there were times that I just could not wrap my head around the present tense. By no means does it detract from the wow factor of the story (it won the CC Triathlon for a very good reason), but I’m not in love with it, either.

I found one small error in spelling. It’s a common mistake, but since you’re a ‘Claw and all, I figured you’d probably rather know than not.

It is a wonderfully strange bathroom, slate grey tiled walls, floor and ceiling. It is lit by over a dozen discrete spotlights in the ceiling.

You’ll be wanting to use ‘discreet’ here. ‘Discreet’ means ‘judicious in one's conduct or speech, esp. with regard to respecting privacy or maintaining silence about something of a delicate nature’. ‘Discrete’ means ‘apart or detached from others; separate; distinct’.

Well, anyway, back to the fun part. I really enjoyed this story and this look into a character’s inner self, and I’ve always been curious about her. I’m really glad I picked this story for my review, and I hope that I get a chance to review for you again. You are a wonderful writer, and your prose flows very well, making it great for a late night read (which this is, at least for those of us this side of the pond).

Take care and happy writing!

Jess


Author's Response: Jess Thanks for the review Lavender is a Gryffindor. She may be a bit silly and boy-obsessed (though I think that her ignoring Ron and her comments about washing facilities in DH show a more mature and mischievous side to her character) but she’s brave and determined, too. My take on Seamus/Lavender is (or will be when I finally get around to writing it) Ron/Lavender in reverse. He’s keen, she wants to end it. I’m working on a Battle of Hogwarts one-shot which will expand on this. Harry – in my storyline (all of my stories are interrelated) the events of this chapter take place on the same day as the events of First Sight, a Harry/Ginny story. Lavender is 24 years old at this point, is that young, or old? My Dad would say very young, a fourteen-year-old would disagree. I was trying to make Lavender a little unlikeable, but also sympathetic. This story spurred me to write a sequel of sorts (Moon) for the OC part of the challenge. It was written in haste, and I think that it shows so I’m currently rewriting it. I’ve now written several first person present tense stories. I find them easier to write than first person past tense, though I know that not everyone likes to read them. I should really try my hand at a first person past tense tale. Discrete/discreet – oops, I’ll change that. Thanks for the helpful and constructive review. I hope to hear what you think about some of my other stories Neil

*lipwobbledamnitfieuponeverythingsob*

You know, I've read this story on three previous occasions with the full intent of leaving you a proper review, but each and every time, I've been smote of my ability to properly articulate.

There is just something about your writing, Jules. Something in your words and rhythm and style and writer's soul that robs me of my ability to speak in any other language but squee. I mean seriously, I apologise in advance that you will probably never get a SPEW review from me because of this, but I can't help it. You simply stun me.

Iwill admit that I died a little inside when Hermione refused Harry's advances. I wanted to cry and rant and scream at her through my computer screen to give in, to be wrong, to be an unfaithful wretch. I suppose it's a by-product of our mutual delusion and your fantastic ability, but it was cruel of you to torture her so and, vicariously, me as well. I just... gah. Amazing. You'd think, after all my failed attempts, that I could speak properly and tell you everything that was amazing about this story, but I'm far too ridiculously in love with it to do so. 

Wonderful work, lady, and have a lovely evening!

~Jess