Ha! I really like Ali. I rather like your introduction of him and your protagonist's frustration with him. Poor Ali. ;)

“No, not small. She is... not old. What is word?”

Haha! Seriously, I love the exchange of dialogue between Ali and Jameson. Really, you dialogue here is quite natural and authentic. It's rather refreshing and amusing to read.

I am curious why Jameson boss congratulated him, unless he was trying to speak English. :P

“Sorry about that. It’s just that, I’ve met so many Muhammad’s and Ali’s while I’ve been in this country, I was beginning to think that the book of Most Popular Egyptian Baby Names had just the two names in it.”

Hehe. Yes, your characters are greatly amusing me. I know this story features a murder, but I can't stop giggling.

I look forward to the next chapter. Great start so far. :)

Author's Response: Haha, hey, thanks! I'm glad you are enjoying the characters so far, especially since there isn't much plot to speak of in this chapter.

I imagine the reason the Department Head congratulated him was that he was surprised by Alexander's intelligence; he's grown used to him being just the resident interpreter.

I'm glad that you were giggling! I usually try to be somewhat humorous.

Anyway, I'm happy you've liked it! I'll be updating soon -- I'd better if I want to finish it before the challenge deadline. ;D

"Damn, this turtle is long," he gasped, bending over.

Ha ha! I almost spit out my tea.

Aside from that humorous part, the rest is filled with angsty angst that makes me want to tear my hair out in frustration. They're both so damn stubborn! Sheesh. Well, you have me invested now. That's it. You better update soon, Missy. ^_~

Author's Response: Thanks again, Lia! I'm glad it could make you laugh, since yes, there is a bit of (albeit) fluffy angst. They are stubborn, and hopefully that keeps them in character. New chapter is finally up, I hope you enjoy. Thanks again for reading and reviewing! ~Gina :)

First off, I must say that I love any story involving Theodore Nott. He is my favourite character to write and read about in fandom. Now that I've got that out of the way, onto the review...

Personally, I would have preferred each section to be split into separate chapters, but I understand that you had a time-limit, and who knows how long it would have taken to get all those chapters validated. I still enjoyed the fic.

1. Theo
I found Theo's recollection of his father's words rather interesting and plausible, for he to suggest to his son to maintain neutrality. I also like your description of Draco strutting around like a peacock. Personally, I don't think he'd order Theodore around in such a way. As JKR has hinted at, Draco and Theodore are equals blood-wise, if not Theo being from a more respected family. But in this case, I can suspend my disbelief and imagine that Draco is currently full of himself and would act as such.

I liked the idea of a Sketch Board. It's rather clever. Draco had shown in HBP that he was clever, so this fit in well. I was somewhat confused when Draco pulled his wand on Pansy. There was really no immediate indication why he did this. I know that it's because he suspected she had stolen the mirror, but this is not made obvious until after the fact, so it kind of threw me.

2. Pansy
I have to say that I enjoyed Pansy's observations most of all. I actually pitied her, and I rather detest the girl.

3. Blaise
What can I say about your characterisation of Blaise other than it is exactly how I picture him.

‘I was talking to three girls, Draco. You should try it; it’s fun,’ replied Blaise wryly.

Hehe, he's such a cheeky, sardonic bugger. I love him! :) I also adore how observant he is, especially about women. It's what makes him such a heart-breaker. Hehe.

4. Theo part II
I'm already beginning to suspect Susan, but I may be wrong. I'll have to read on to find out. I must admit that I absolutely loved the following exchange:

‘She! How do you know it was a she?’ Pansy asked.

‘Because she kissed Blaise,’ Theodore said. ‘She was invisible, but Blaise is confident that it was a girl.’

‘Hopes, more like,’ Pansy whispered to her friends. Theodore ignored the giggles, girls did not appear to understand the beauty of deductive reasoning.

5. Susan Bones
Brilliant. I loved the ending. I loved the deduction and Susan's cunning and Theo's strategy. Stay neutral, Theo. ;) But what I loved the most was this line from Blaise:

‘Well, I don’t think I’ve ever kissed you before,’ Blaise said when he finished. He did not release her.

Hehe, I loved it. And I really liked that Theo let her walk free. Nice mystery. :)

Author's Response:
Thanks for the review.

Theodore Nott is one of the non-characters, he’s more than Daphne (as at least we have short physical description of him) but really he’s not much more than a name.

Draco is a racist and an arrogant bully with negligible people skills. Like all racists he underestimates the “lesser races” (half-bloods and mudbloods in Draco’s case) and like all bullies he places people as being inferior or superior to him. At his arrogant height in HBP he was even prepared to backchat Snape. I don’t see an issue with his strutting arrogance (after all, it’s his default setting).

I thought that I’d made it clear by Blaise’s comment to Pansy that despite the fact Draco doesn’t actually like Pansy much (he never showed any affection towards her) she’s his property, hence the wand.

I’ve spent a lot of time analysing Pansy and my feelings about her. I’m a male writer in a largely female circle. It’s no secret that I despise Draco (he’s a great character, but a deeply unpleasant person). I’m aware that a lot of female writers (and readers) like him. I was very worried that “my” Pansy was simply me, as a male, doing the same thing (rationalising a like for an unpleasant female character) that most female writers do for Draco. Both are racist and bullies, but while Draco is almost impervious to criticism, I think that Pansy is not. I think I can justify this, and I will in another story.

I was criticised (rightly) for my characterisation of Blaise in another story. I’m glad you think he’s right here. As a bloke, I hate him simply because he’s good with girls. He’s the guy who girls cluster around, and I’m the tongue-tied and nervous nerd at the back of the room. It’s nice to know that even if I can’t be him, I can write him.

I hope to get at least two more mysteries done before the deadline. I’m really enjoying my foray into the mystery genre.

-N-

As I said before, intriguing chapter. You've already set up a very lovely murder mystery for us. (Can murder mysteries be lovely?) I especially like how you bring us up to speed by using the newspaper. Without it, the revelation would seem pretentious. This way it is a natural progression.

And they crime itself? Absolutely morbid, and I love it! Of course, I don't love the fact that little Ophélie is dead. It's rather sick and twisted, but you handled all the gruesome details well. I look forward to the next chapter. :)

Author's Response: Oh wow, thanks so much, Lia! I was sorry to hear that you bowed out of beta'ing the rest of it, but I really appreciated your comments on the prologue. Murder mysteries can be lovely (I think) if you're talking about the non-murderous aspects of it, LOL. And I don't know where the newspaper came from, hehe. So I'm glad you liked that.

Thankfully, the crime itself, including the gruesome details, are not entirely original. Red John's MO (in the Mentalist) is rather chilling and very different from Ophélie's murderer, but I did draw inspiration from that. Thanks very much for your review -- it made my day!

~Soraya~