This is an interesting story. I don't think I've ever seen Harry Potter this way. Your intro chapter was very good, but this chapter is what really caught me and brought me into your story. I don't think this was a weepy chapter, as you called it. I thought it was a very informative, insightful, and a very descriptive chapter overall. Your Sirius is still canon, even though this is AU. I like how you're keeping much of the character's canon, even though it is AU. I can't wait to read the rest. I can't really think of too many criticisms except don't forget to keep explaining your AU world. You don't want to confuse the reader, but you have been careful in that area.

Author's Response: I\'m glad you\'ve enjoyed the story so far, and I hope you continue to.

Peace!

Your descriptions of the characters seem to be very in line with the canon. The gradual decay of Tonks's hair color is also a very nice touch, and I'm glad you added that part. You seem to have planned this story out, and your dialogue with Remus is very canon correct. I'm not a huge fan of song fics, but being that its at the end and not the beginning, it really didn't interupt the mood or try to define the mood of your writing. The song just seemed an after thought to sum this little seciton up, so it works for me. You handled this quite well, and I can't think of any major flaws to point out at this moment. Just keep writing with the same invocation of both Remus and Tonks's characters because you write them both very well.

I felt very sad when I read this last chapter. I loved it because it was so beautiful, yet so incredibly emotional. I don't usually go for a lot of extreme fanon relationships, but you wrote yours very well, I must say, and competition or not, keep it on MNFF. It's tragic, yet I liked how Lily gave the flower at the end. 'Live for yourself,' is a very good description, and it tied the motive I see Snape have in HBP with your romanic story.

Author's Response: Thank you very much for both reviews. I am glad you say the Wuthering Heights quotes work well, because many have said that using quotes is irritating (although, most refer to cheesy song lyrics.) I am glad its had the desired impact. It began as a challenge piece but in the end I put so much of my own heart into it that I no longer cared about the winning or losing element. I love Snape and I felt I had to write this, as my explantion for how he is to Harry and how he has turned as a person. I am really glad you enjoyed it.

Anti slash Blaise was the fix I needed! I like how you portrayed Ginny the best, though, and I like how you focused more on Ginny/Harry, actually, but it's nice to see Blaise and Ginny starting a realationship. It was romantic in a friendship sort of way. :) If you know any more quality anti-slash with Blaise, let me know. He's becoming a huge favorite of mine, but everyone has their under appriciated characters.

Author's Response: I'm actually writing a sequel to this story at the moment. It's about how Blaise and Ginny's relationship progress. If you're interested I can PM you on the forum when it's finished.

I liked how you began this story. You described Tonks's apartment and her mannerisms so that the reader could put themselves in that place with Tonks. The beginning part is really probably the strongest part of this chapter.

As I began to read, Dumbledore's speeches didn't click with me. "I assure you this will be a very trying task but stay optimistic, for this will lead to the weakening of Dark power" just doesn't seem to be something Dumbledore would say. Maybe he'd say it with more wit? Also, I think he'd have some people report information at the meetings. "Her cheeks reddened as Dumbledore shifted at her outburst" doesn't seem like something Dumbledore would do, either. I think he would probably give her a knowing twinkle or something similiar. Also, Tonks went from mourning Sirius's death to being silly at dinner almost instantaneously. You might want to make your emotion transitions make more sense because this just jarred your story. I was left wondering why Tonks was now giggling instead of being sober and thinking about Sirius.

Also, I felt Remus was being forward Tonks in the last line and throughout the story. Maybe this is what you want, but I felt Remus's actions weren't as subtle or as business like as they typically are described.

Author's Response: What a fantastic review! Thanks so much for looking at my story MorganRay, it\'s just what I needed. I think I\'ll be looking through my original chapters now and making a few adjustments.

I don't think Tonks is too girly. After the first chapter, Tonks's emotions seemed to be more believable. I do think she's emotional, but she's not giggly. Tonks has shown her emotion, but I think she's just about at the point to begin a repression stage or something of the sort that we see during HBP. I think Remus has been too forward, though, but I think she would be the one to tell him her feelings first.

Overall, I like how you incorperated such a happy song and made it so morbid. By the twelve quote, you really sumerized how Draco felt -- in brief, one lines -- during HBP. What made this fic most effective, I think, was the use of irony with the Twelve Days of Christmas Song to create a haunting tone.

For example, I'll point out the part of this fic that began to really build Draco's emotions.

On the fifth day of Christmas, life gave to Draco:
Five golden Galleons,
Four chats with Myrtle,
Three skipped games of Quidditch,
Two cronies in disguise,
And the task of killing Albus Dumbledore.
Snape raises his wand and points it at Dumbledore. “Avada Kedavra!”
“It’s Polyjuice Potion, sir,” Granger answers…
“So I wanted to know how come Malfoy’s up at the castle while everyone else is at the match,” Potter says…
“No one can help me…I can’t do it…I can’t…It won’t work…Unless I do it soon…He’ll kill me…”
“Tell me, how have you been communicating with Rosmerta?” Dumbledore asks. “Enchanted coins…”

To begin with, you started off your 'one' verse with killing Dumbledore. That was very effective. It gives the reader a shock to read that initially. Going for the shock value there was a great choice. Then, for the second and third verse, you have other people talking about Draco, which builds on the perspective about what other people are thinking about Draco, but it also reminds the reader what Draco did during HBP. However, for the 'four' and 'five' verse, you go back to Draco talking about what he did and how he feels. This is effective, also, and it brings the reader back to realizing Draco's emotions and not just what he's doing. The Myrtle part was especiall appropriate, but then, on the 'five' verse, Draco is talking to Dumbledore again, and you bring us back to verse one. Also, you do the same at the end with Dumbledore talking to Draco and telling him that he can help. You bring twelve and one back together by including Dumbledore in both, and the organization was effective to me.

However, one thing that bothered me was how unfinished and disjointed the ending was compared to the rest of the fic. Now, you created this haunted tone, but then, you go and have Draco hit this very high, optomist thought of joining the good side. However, I don't think, after a dream like that, that Draco would just wake up so optomistically. Maybe you could have ended it with his dispair at having to serve the Dark Lord or his feelings that he has no way out of his current situation. I think that would have fit the tone of this story better.

I can see why this story was a runner up. You started out with the description of Spinner's End and flawlessly pulled me into your story. Your characterization of Snape was impecable. You wrote him very well, and the dialogue and scene between Snape and Voldamort was one the highlights of this chapter. You portrayed Snape as a double agent, trying to stay alive, but you also managed to make it believable that he wanted Draco alive, too. However, Snape did not appear caring, either, or out of character throughout any of this piece. However, I didn't feel Draco was as strongly written, but he wasn't OOC, either. I guess because Draco was playing dead for most of the piece there just wasn't the chance to write more of his character. Also, I enjoyed how you tied this into Lament of the Pheonix.

Author's Response: I was a runner up? ::blinks:: I didn\'t even know I was nominated for anything. LOL. Anyway, yay! Thank you, Morgan. Now you can go read the rest of the chapters hehehehe. I do understand what you were saying about Draco... I will be able to develop him later.

This is a very beautiful piece. It's almost more of a poem than prose. Your rhythm is very entrancing, and I really fell into your story.

She writes a long letter which will never be sent or received or read, and she thinks, bitterly, you should have cried.

This was a very moving line for me. It has that element of realness to it. This entire story could've been so extremely disorienting, but it was written with a lot of control. Also, how you have Andromeda reflecting on her sisters was a very moving part of your piece. You showed the change of time, and then, you hit another great note at the end when Ted comes and takes the picture. The entire thing has that weary feeling to it, and I can't get over how entrancing your writing was.

"Many years have passed since the young Queen’s death in 1793. But no matter the time or place, people should never call their child Marie-Antoinette. There is no happiness in this world for a girl called Marie-Antoinette.

My fate was sealed the 16th of October, 1983. One hundred and ninety years exactly after Queen Marie-Antoinette’s death at the infamous Place de Grève."

This is a great opening to the story because it imparts a tone of such certainty. It also starts the story on a tragic note and foreshadows what might happen later in the story. It kind of feels like ‘the heavy hand of fate’ is being introduced, and that will definitely hang over this story.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review -- glad you liked the beginning; after so much time, I find it a tad too melodramatic myself.