I was, as it seems many others judging by their reviews, rather skeptical about an American version. But then again, this is not a version, yes you have taken a few elements from JKR, but this plot is all your own, and you definitely own this plot. I love your character he is so personable, so realistic. He is entirely likable but is not just another Harry Potter, which is very refreshing. And the little twist with the letter-- very well done, I have read all the chapters and I am still wondering why the mishap. In fact, that's what I like most about your story, I keep wondering what is going to happen next. I love your writing style and your plot. I liked it so much that I have recommended it on the forums! It really is great! Keep up the amazing work! I loved it, I hope you enjoy the writing process as much as I have enjoyed reading this story!

Author's Response: Thank you so very much for your comments and for recommending my story. I sincerely enjoy this story and I have much more of it planned for readers. More characters, locations and history will eventually be revealed as the story of Patrick progresses.

I wanted to review because somehow I missed reading this last chapter when you first posted it. Personally, I think it’s a sin that you have so few reviews for such a wonderful story. You have such a good plot going on here. You have a good universe that you have created based off of the original and yet with your own unique twists and turns. You have definitely made this story your own. Your characters are strong and you have plenty of little things going on within your main plot. It is not one dimensional at all.

Your writing style is also very strong. You manage to vary your sentence structure and the grammar that you use is generally error free. Your dialogue is natural, you even manage the different accents for Henri and the Texan professor.

You managed to drag out the anticipation of getting some answers to help your readers feel the anxiety and excitement that Patrick and William feel. You also were able to remind us of the plot in this chapter without sounding condescending. I don’t like it when authors give us a full recap and make it sound like we don’t know what’s going on. Other authors expect their reader to remember all the ins and outs of the story from one chapter to the next, and that doesn’t work either.

Having said that, allow me just a few nitpicks:

“Patrick’s Charms exam passed by easily as Professor Montgomery only asked him to levitate a one of the classroom chairs.” Simple typo.

Patrick, William, and Elizabeth were all the least worried about Professor Sumpton’s Transfiguration mid-term, which was scheduled for that Thursday. I believe you meant to say “weren’t”

Professor Litmus’ exam was not as awful as they thought it would be, owing mainly to the fact that it she made their test a partner exam. Just another silly typo.

He brushed his hands across the top of it wiping away a bit of lent that had been residing on the outside of the box.

Mrs. Thatcher carried her son upstairs to his room and tucked him safely in his bed. No typos here, but all I could think of was “Wow! She is really strong!” Maybe she should levitate him to bed.

William took a space on next on the bed next to Patrick Just another silly typo.

The very though was unsettling. You left off the “t”.

And finally, what is up with that letter?! And where is the next chapter? I hope it is in the works, because I can’t wait to read more! Keep up the good work! I enjoy this so much.


Author's Response: Too few reviews a sin? Time for a Patrick Thatcher revival! Haha. Thank you so much for your comments and I\'m so glad you enjoy it. It\'s the most rewarding part of writing this. It helps that I\'ve plotted a lot farther than perhaps necessary so that allows me to align the story accordingly. Thanks, again, for picking out those typos! It\'s always great to have someone point those out because they are, at times, really hard to find. Haha, don\'t worry I haven\'t forgotten about the letter, all in due time, fellow reader. And chapter thirteen is definitely in the works I spend most of my time writing so you\'re bound to see chapter thirteen pop up at any time. Thanks again!

Author's Response: Ha, oh and about Mrs. Thatcher picking up her son to carry him to bed. He\'s only eleven and I don\'t imagine him to weigh very much. Plus, it\'s more the motherly thing to do ;)

“Just watch out…everyone isn’t used to playing Quidditch, they’ll try and get away with as much as they can,” William warned, as Patrick stood up from his seat and nodded, hastily joining his teammates. Oh, do I sense impending doom?!

…stepping over the grounds littered with fallen yellow, red, and orange November leaves. The collective sound of the Allards walking together could easily be mistaken for hundreds of tiny bones cracking.” I love how you described the crunch of the leaves and made it sound like bones. It could have been any other sound, but you picked bones. Talk about foreshadowing.

I must say, the whole of your Quidditch scene is good stuff. In my book, Quidditch scenes and battle/action scenes are the hardest to write. Often times the author will write what they see without making it clear enough to the reader what action is going on. But you managed to make this scene easy to read and yet action packed. When he was hit I really felt for him.

Patrick finally hit the ground, his back scraping along the grass until he came to a sudden stop, unmovable and unconscious. Ok, ok, call me a nit pick, but if I have to be this nit pickety then it means you did a really good job with everything else. The word you used “unmovable” made me picture Patrick lying there suddenly turned into some huge boulder or tower or other large physically impossible to budge object. I think a better word in this case would have been or “motionless” or “inert”.

Over all, I loved your chapter. I think what you added was appropriate and I was so glad you updated. I love this story and your characters and the way you truly make them your own. I can’t wait to read more from you. Keep up the good work!!

Author's Response: I completely agree with your suggestion of "motionless." Haha, ironically while re-reading that sentence in your review I said to myself, "that doesn't feel right..." Consider it changed. I'm glad you liked it and I'm not only working on the next chapters but the next couple of books as well, so there is more Patrick around the corner!

“This was more that Hermione could bear but held back the tears.” Should read “more than Hermione could bear” and I think you should add “but she held back the tears.”

“She morphed in a confused little girl,” Should say ”into a confused little girl”

“she couldn’t think of answers to all the questions.” You mention “all the questions” but then the questions don’t come until later in the paragraph. I suggest you rephrase it to say: “she couldn’t think of any answers to the questions that plagued her.” Or something along those lines that would make the paragraph flow better. Either that or put that sentence after the questions later on in the paragraph.

“She also wanted to drown in her own tears hoping that it would take her away from this uncertainty.” You mentioned in the paragraph before that she was drowning in her tears. I would suggest changing one or the other drown, or say something along the lines of “she wished her tears could wash away all the uncertainties.” Just to change things up and keep things fresh.

“or maybe it was because that simply didn’t care.” That should read “because they simply didn’t care.”

“Yet something buried underneath the facts and evidence waited patiently for an empty promise, a lost dream, or something not to be expected.” I think there are a lot of things you could do to make this sentence have some more weight. I think it is a very good last sentence but it needs a little tweaking to really resound. I was thinking something along the lines of “a lost dream, an unexpected gift.” Just because “something” is so vague it could be anything. Giving “something” a name makes it that much more tangible.

I am a die hard Harry Hermione shipper. I know it may never come to pass, but isn’t that what fan fiction is about? It’s the ability to change and create our own story line that makes it so appealing. I like the feel that you give to their relationship. They don’t have everything all figured out, they are just doing what they know they have to do. The insights into Hermione’s personality and her weaknesses make her all that much more real as a character. Although, I am hoping that in later chapters you will show that same insight into Harry’s character as well.

I enjoyed this chapter and I am off to read the next one. Keep up the good work!


Author's Response: Wow, thank you for the gorgeous review, it\'s so shiny. I\'ll go fix those things soon.

first off... AWWWW... I had to get that out of my system... ok, now, for the real review. I loved this, I am not a big fan of one shots because a lot of them just aren't done right, but this was good. I enjoyed reading it. The ending totally caught me by surprise... you distracted me. And I like the explanation you gave for why they are together, it made sense. It seems like you really thought this out, and the writing was good too, I would love to read more of what you write, in fact, I will go see what else you have right now. Keep up the good work!

I love the idea of the gift that changes colors and then turns drab grey. Very original.

“for reasons that I cannot indulge to you in this letter.” Don’t you mean divulge instead of indulge?

“being in her lap at and all.” I think you meant to choose either at or and but forgot and left both the at and the and.

“And as she slept... the wind revved up for another attack...” I love how you continue the action and yet keep bringing the reader gently back to the issue with the wind. It really works well. The reader understands that something is different, something is off.

“Hastilly, she carried her tray to the waste bin.” Hastily is spelled with only one L.

Dumbledore! Yay! I am so glad that he is making an appearance in this chapter. The next chapter, if you follow for previous structure would be a Harry centric chapter, right? Therefore, ending the chapter with Dumbledore is a good segway into the next chapter.

Very well done, very well worth the wait. May the writing muse be with you and continue to bless your little story with wonderfulness! Oh and as a side note, I love the new layouts, amazing job!

Aw! I love the changes you have made! It is great! I can just picture the gnomes running around mischeviously. My other favorite part is Ron being attacked by his candelabra and saying "Buggers!" Very funny, and a great way to imagine what is going on in the story. Great job! Keep up the good work!

I am SO proud of you! Now if I can just cure you of your odd capitalization disease! :)