Ooh sorry! On my first review, I meant comma after NIGHT. And something got weirded up with the formatting of the italics, so I'm sorry about that, too!

Author's Response: Hehe. It\'s okay. Thank ya for the review : )!

Brilliant one-shot; I loved how you incorporated the song lyrics in a way that didn't seem like you were just rephrasing the story the song already told, but that you creating your own and only using the lyrics to add to the story, but not make it completely.

Usually, I tend to stay away from the Hermione/Draco category, but your story was wonderful and definately did it justice.

I love how you portrayed Draco's emotions, so cold and hidden that they really came through strong when he broke down the walls that were holding everything in. That he stayed alive for Hermione was so touching, and his resolve at the end of the one-shot was moving, as well.

I have one question for you, though. In the first flashback, when Hermione's friend was being tortured (I'm going to assume that it was Harry), and Draco didn't do anything to stop it, wouldn't Hermione have felt some anger toward him? Did she already know that he couldn't do anything to stop it when it was happening, therefore she forgave him? Or did she forgive him afterwards, when he took care of her when she was grieving and so tired?

But really, that is just a small detail when your story was so well written and touching.

Author's Response: Whoa, thanks so much for the lengthly review! You have no idea how much I appreciate good con-crit and this simply made my day! I\'m glad you didn\'t cringe at the sight of it being a D/Hr fic. Thanks, also, for the final thoughts about the flashback. That actually made me think for a bit as it wasn\'t something I\'d thought of. I think it was more that she knew he couldn\'t stop it so she forgave him without saying so. Thanks again! If you ever get the chance, I\'d appreciate your review again! AJ

I really liked the way you repeated the phrases after Snape's thoughts. It really brought the poem alive, and when I read it, those lines stuck out as if I was chanting them. I don't know why, really, but I do like how you modified them as Snape's emotions changed, and he realized more things.

I have one thing to add, though. In the beginning, you say, "Stupid boy think he knows when he doesn't." Which, I am assuming that you are referring to Draco. But down a little bit, you say, "I halt when I come upon the old man and the young boy." Which now the boy is Harry, but it could get a bit confusing. I think maybe saying a young boy would clarify things better. That's the only thing I have to add! Good job; I really enjoyed it!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the kind words! I assumed that people would know I was refering to Draco both times, since Harry is under his invisibility cloak and Severus wouldn\'t know that Harry is there, unless of course he knew ahead of time. When Severus comes up the stairs it is Draco, Dumbledore, and I believe a few other Death Eaters, with Harry frozen and invisible. I can understand how it could get confusing though. I\'m glad you enjoyed the repeating lines. Those were my favorite part of the poem to come up with. Thank you so much for taking the time to review!

Let me start of by saying that you had a great main idea to your story that really came of well. Remus was denying his love for Tonks, but in the end he admitted to it. You got that across very well. However, it's the details that you struggled with. You didn't really expand on the period between the fight and the time that Remus said he loved Tonks. Sure, you pointed out that Tonks was sad, but I didn't really believe it. There were other emotions you could have put in there, like going further on how hurt she was.

When the letter came the next day, it seemed as if everything that Tonks had felt the night before had simply evaporated. Don't you think she would feel maybe a little bit of spite towards Remus for making her feel so horrible? Just a little bit of anamosity that might make her falter a little bit before saying that she would, in fact, meet him.

I thought it was really cute though how when Tonks was getting ready her hair finally turned pink. I thought that was a nice touch.

Your ending, however, seemed a bit too sugar sweet. Sure, it was pleasant, but I just can't imagine Remus choosing to meet at a Muggle restaurant with a moon and star decor. Don't you think that two wizards would be more likely to meet in the Three Broomsticks or the Leaky Cauldron?

Sorry I had to be so negative, but on the whole your story was really enjoyable.



Author's Response: Thank you for your opinion! Well let me explain my reason behind the rushed emotions of the two characters! Well first off when I had written this story it was originally a one-shot but some of my friends thought that it would do better as a story! I no that right now it might seem that she is happy with him but if all of her anger had evaporated then all of her hair would have turned pink, not just a couple of strands! And to your concern about it being in a Muggle café and not one of the ones in a wizarding community don’t worry it will be explained in chapter 4! When I wrote this in my mind Tonks knew that Remus was lying to her, and also I thought that she would be a little curious about what Remus had to say. She is not entirely ready to give her heart to him but I don’t think Tonks would be mean to Remus, even if he did hurt her! So if you have any more questions or concerns please leave me another review, and I’ll try to answer them the best I can! Again thanks a lot for the review and your opinion! And don’t worry about it being to negative I love reviews good or bad I just really want to hear what people have to say! *M*

Ooh, Steph, I'm sorry it has taken me so long to review for you! You have been so kind in your reviews for me, I should have done this waay sooner!

Anyways, I loved your story. It was so sweet and true; Halle felt like a real person, her journal entries read almost like something someone I know (or even myself!) might write.

Halle is fifteen, correct? I noticed that her writings seemed like that of someone a bit younger than that, though. But, Halle did strike me as someone who was may be a bit juvenile in her emotions, so in a way in fits her. I don't think that that's a bad thing, really, just a part of who she is.

I loved the way you described Halle's memories. Many writers may have chosen to illustrate an even that may have been very important, but these little things, while important to Halle, may seem trivial to others. Anyways, I enjoyed how you chose sweet, meaningful memories than ones that may have been grander to describe, but definately not as true.

I did notice a few little typos in the paragraphs (I was going to copy and paste, but now I can't find them. They must not have been terribly noticeable, then...).

I am looking forward to more on Halle, especially more info on Miles. Any relation to Alicia Spinnet, I wonder. ;)

Keep up the splendiferous work!!



Author's Response: Any relation to Alicia Spinnet? Of course! Before my featherbrained, at-the-time-thirteen=year-old mind realised Alicia probably would have gotten married. So, In Malicious Intentions I not so subtely inserted a \"Hey, guess what, she got married in Australi\" scene. *cough*

Ahh, typos are the stuff of life. As you may.,... probably have noticed, I\'m particulary prone to them!

As for the memories, I was trying to pinpoint in her life where things might have changed for her. The biscuit incident did nothing to me but change the way I punished myself to stealing bickies, lol, but i decided for Halle it would be different. Halle feels iferior to her cousins. On the outside, she\'s intelligent, but when she\'s by herself, she can ramble, scribble, and well.. think herself on to paper.

Thank you, my fellow Turnip for the review! *hugs*♥

In your summary, you said that you were introducing your Muggle OC. I have to say that you did that superbly, but the whole chapter read as if it was a post in Madam Pomfrey's Character Clinic on the boards. That isn't a horrible thing, if all you really wanted to do was introduce your character, which is what you set out to do, but I would have liked to see just a little bit of plot come out. Maybe a little bit of connection to Wizards, too, which I am sure you're getting to, but I think that it would have been a good thing to include in the first chapter to keep readers coming back for more.

The imagery you used was great, like how the smell of salami reminds Donna of her old home. Also, your writing voice is very strong; Donna seems like a valid New Yorker.

Brilliant writing, but I am really looking forward to how you incorporate Donna into the Wizarding world.

Author's Response: Yeah, there was a connection to the Wizarding World, but the MNFF queue and I are constantly at odds. I only even submitted this chapter for the contest, which, because the moderator who read it couldn\'t see my author\'s note which said she was a Muggle, was rejected for the character being \"not magical enough\". *sigh* Which meant that I didn\'t get counted as participating in the contest. And because the queue was so full, I couldn\'t even submit my second chapter, and because this one was rejected, the second chapter wouldn\'t have counted, either. Given the amount of effort that I was putting into something that wasn\'t really for one of my fics, it rapidly became something entirely too painful. The contest for this chapter was for the character to write their autobiography. Then the second chapter was to be \"Conflict\". The conflict chapter was to introduce her to the wizarding world, which she\'d already been introduced to but didn\'t realise it (and this was the conflict). The words \"MNFF queue\", in general, though, give me an incredible amount of anxiety. I\'ve got to get that resolved before I even consider writing and submitting this second chapter, because the very idea makes me sick to my stomach, and it\'s just not worth all that to me. I have the same userid on the forums, though, if you\'d like to talk about it there. ;)

Another great portrayal of Snape from VV. Really, I think to you are one of the best Snape writers around, and you never fail to keep him in character.

I loved this story because it incorporated little bits of humor and wit with the main plot of Severus pondering Harry's performance in Potions class. The dialogue between Harry and Snape seemed straight out of the books, but instead of seeing only Harry's point of view, we know Snape's.

I loved the letters you included to Lily from Snape; it was very original, something that you didn't need to include but made the story that much better because you did. I especially enjoyed the very last one, because it is so odd that Snape would compare Harry to himself, even in a negative way. All the same, I thought it fitted perfectly as you described the thoughts he was thinking as "useless".

Anyways, magnificent job. I always enjoy reading what you write.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review (and the plug in Ravenclaw House as well!) It always seems to me that Harry and his least favourite professor (or the other way and least-favourite student) were more alike than would make either of them happy to admit. They\'re both rather clever, though not always when they want to be; they\'re both exceptionally stubborn; they both are equally touchy and defensive, probably due to not-dissimilar upbringings. They just happen to also be permanently at loggerheads with each other.

Let me start out by saying that I really liked this first chapter. It was just ingaging enough to make want to come back for more, but not overly action packed that it becomes annoying. It was a nice introduction of the characters you are using and the plot line that you are planning to take.

I think that you've got Lily very in character, and the job you chose for her is very interesting, something I can see her choosing for herself. However, I thought that Dumbledore was just a tad OOC. Maybe it was just because he is being written in a situation that is more serious than we usually see him in, but he just didn't seem to have that little spark that Dumbledore needs to make him fully characterized. But really, I think that Dumbledore is one of the hardest canon characters to write; I have a lot of trouble with him myself.

So nice job, and keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Dumbledore IS hard, I have to agree with you there. I\'m sorry he didn\'t quite \"work\" for you -- he was a little tricky in this scenario to work with; if you\'ve read my Poppy story I think he\'s a little more in character there. I\'m glad you liked Lily\'s character, though; I don\'t usually work with her. thanks so much for your review! *D*

Are you sure you want to do this, Nicholas?’

Oopsie, you forgot the first quote.

‘You were too busy bedding other aristocrats, Perenelle, and I turned a blind eye. I ignored the fact you sinned, Perenelle, because my love blinded me! I couldn’t bare to see you with those pompous, ghastly men, Perenelle, with their eyes devouring you at our dinners. I shut myself off and so became blissfully ignorant of your ways.’

Brilliant paragraph. However, I think that you may have used Pernelle just a few too many times. Once or twice in this paragraph would have been good. I also noticed that you used 'old friend' a lot throughout the story. Although, I am always hyper-aware of reptition in stories, so maybe I am being too nitpicky. I have been known to go back several pages in books to find where the author used a word before. @.@

‘To some, Albus, death is but the next great adventure,’ he said gently.

Ooh, this was so great! I loved you incorporated this line into your story. I don't know; somehow it made Albus' and Nicholas' friendship seem stronger.

I loved your characterization of Dumbledore. It was just right. Everytime I read a line he spoke I could have sworn it was straight from the books.

I would have liked it if we saw a bit more of Pernelle. Maybe one more memory, just to give her a bit more depth.

Nicholas was spot-on as well. The fact that he was so inteligent but was so blind about his wife was interesting to read. You also wrote his regret well; I could feel his stress as I read.

This was such a great story, Steph. I really liked it.

~Hanna

Author's Response: SPEW REVIEW SQUEEE! Hanna! Thank you! Oopsie, that first quote line needs to be replaced! And old friend. Erm. I couldn only think of so many \"fond from the seventeeth to the twentieth century\" words. Any suggestions? I sort of ran out of time with Perenelle, but if I have time, I\'ll add some in and PM you with it. Thank you for the concrit, Hanna! ♥

I love how you start out with such a happy scene, Steph, describing the smiling sun and happily-splashing water. Hardly a paragraph into your story and you've already got me grinning!

It was an ugly sight, and Tonks didn’t bother to pick it up.

I like this contrast between the jovial scene you began with and this apparently ugly sight. It mars the overall picture only slightly enough that it keeps it interesting and not entirely too light.

Ha, she though. How dare he.

*magically changes "though" to "thought"*

‘Look,’ said Bill. ‘Let’s get this over and done with, alright? You’ve probably never done this before-’

I suppose that you meant Charlie here, not Bill? Unless Bill was there too and I missed it, but I'm pretty sure you mean Charlie. All of those Weasleys do get mixed up!

I thought that your characterization of Tonks was great. You expertly mixed in her clumsiness while still letting a few mistakes slip through the guards she had against it. You could see through your descriptions that she was still distraught over something-- maybe the stress of protecting Hogwarts, but a bit of the old Tonks still came out, especially at the end. Tonks has always been one of my favorite characters because she has always seemed to me to be so spontaneous, not completely thinking through everything that she does. I love the spontaneity of the kiss she and Charlie share at the end of the story.

I also loved your characterization of Charlie. I liked the little details that you weaved together to make a whole character, such as the way he blushed when Molly hugged him and the dragon burns on his arms. Small things like that really add up in the reader's mind to make a fully-formed character.

Another thing I liked about your story was the dialogue. It was light-hearted even when Charlie and Tonks were yelling at each other, almost if the entire time you knew it was more of a lovers' quarrel than an actual screaming match. Your dialogue always seems very natural-- more like an actual conversation than something scripted.

Nice job, Steph! I really enjoyed this one-shot.

--Hanna

Author's Response: This was a bit of a rushed one-shot, so I really appreciate all the correcting and all the adive, Hanna! It seems ages since we\'ve talked, I miss it! I\'ll get back to this when I have the chance, I think!