Miss Norris with a fluffy bow? That would have been quite interesting. I must say, most of Jame's questions seemed like the sort that I would be most likely to ask.....

perhaps that's not a positive thought.

Anyways, keep up the good work!

*Huggles*

Author's Response: LOL And thanks. *squishes*

Oh, this is so sweet! I love it!

Author's Response: Thanks, my dear. Your reviews brighten my day.

This poem is really good. It's so nice to see more of your poetry. You really seem to have captured what the change to a werewolf is like. *hugs*

Author's Response: *hugs back* Thanks for coming and reviewing me once again. And thanks for the great comment. By the by, did you get my message?

I'm going to be a bit incoherent for a bit, so I'll leave it at this:

:O

Oh, Bine, I love it. It has such a sentimental and magical feel to it, even though it is set in muggle London. Superb job! *huggles*

Author's Response: Bella! Thank you! *huggles back*

*evil laughter* Now, to review.......

I'm just kidding. You're off to a great start. You gave the sisters very subtle characterization through their interaction with one another and the house elf. It's already apparent that they are two very different people. I can't help seeing an underlying similarity between them though. It's like they have the same personality but different interests.......yeah.

Done rambling now.

Author's Response: Haha, but I love your rambling. But thank you. I wanted that, actually. I guessed that being brought up with the exact same experience would shape their personalities simarly. But then, there is no way they would be totally the same. So yeah, thanks :)

Must write more now, lol. -Lex

Hey, Sara! This was just beautiful. I love that Remus and Tonks planned ahead in the case of their deaths, leaving Teddy a gift for his 17th birthday. It was a tearjerker, you had me going from the time Harry showed up with the present.The concept was wonderfully carried off, I applaud you.

Your characterization is stunning. The loneliness that Teddy feels is completely believable. I love how you used his hair color throughout the fic to express his mood, noting how quickly it would shift when he was alone and how he controlled it to hide his feelings in the presence of others. It helps show how isolated he feels, loved but not quite belonging. You put it perfectly here:

No matter how he put the puzzle together, his piece did not fit. For the last seventeen years, the puzzle had been painted over giving the illusion all the pieces were in place.
Ah! Simply amazing.

The integration of the memory was just, wow. I loved that Remus and Tonks had the foresight to put it in there, just in case. And when Teddy realizes that all their dreams for him had come true, that he has the family they wanted him to have, it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever read. When he changed his hair to bubble gum pink I nearly died from happiness. Ah! It was wonderful.

There were just a few things that slightly lowered my enjoyment of the fic. You have a tendency to not use contractions in dialogue, which sometimes added marvelously to the character’s speech (such as when Lily said I am waiting. I am waiting for you to think of something fun to do instead of nothing. Wonderful! It perfectly captured how six-year-olds speak when they want to be serious.), but sometimes it left the dialogue feeling formal and stiff (“We are so glad you are staying with us this weekend, come on downstairs if you are hungry.” most people would just say “we’re” and “you’re”). It would feel a bit more…comfortable I guess, if you would use some contractions in places like this.

Also, just for clarity, you might consider putting Remus’s and Tonk’s notes to Teddy in italics. That way, the reader could see immediately where the letters began and ended. I was a bit confused the first time I read through and all of a sudden I was reading a letter; it felt like I didn’t have any notice that it was about to happen. Of course, that could just be me and my crazy brain.

Once again, just thank you so much for writing such a wonderful, beautiful, stunning, amazing fic (have I overused enough adjectives yet?). You’re a very talented writer and I can’t wait to see more from you.

~Bella

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my story. I am so glad that you enjoyed it, and that the emotions I wanted to display showed through so well for you. I wanted to especially thank you for the comments that you gave me for improving it. This being the first story that I had validated I found your review to be incredibly helpful. Hopefully the changes I made will make the story more enjoyable for those that read it in the future. Thank you again. Sara

The rays of the rising sun fell into the room through the high windows, illuminating the dining room in an ocean of warm colours that ranged from golden yellow to flaming red. The beams of light danced over the walls and pictures of snoozing people who, from time to time, stroked over their cheeks as if wanting to brush off the sunlight. The tablecloth gleamed in a bright white that – if one looked at it too long – hurt the eyes. And yet, the already warming sunrays welcomed us lovingly into the new day, engulfing us in their gentle touch.

Beautiful description, Bine. It paints such a wonderful picture in my head. *sighs* You are one of the best people I know for bringing scenes to life.

Your characterization, of both Draco and Astoria, was lovely. They feel alive and real, and right. It doesn’t seem forced. You gave reasons for their feelings and actions, and the writing made it feel true.


But something changed. War came upon us, and war usually changes everything, even within ourselves. Draco seemed to have changed to someone softer, to someone who could feel affection for one other than himself. The way he had shown care for me on that one winter day, when I had fallen onto the iced surface of a lake, that had been a different Draco already than the one I had met months earlier in Hogwarts’ library. His eyes were less cold; they now held some shimmer of the most powerful feeling there is: love. Not necessarily love for me; it might be too early for that. But he was able to feel love which gave me the hope that one day he might love me.

There, see, that’s what I wanted to express, and you already had Astoria express it perfectly. The war affected Draco’s character, and this entire fic shows the results of those changes.

One thing you might want to look for is tense change. Sometimes the tense would change within a sentence, from past to present.

~Bella

Author's Response: Thanks, Bella. :) *hugs*

Dear Over Sea Green Hills –

This is one of the first Lockhart poems I’ve read, and I think you portrayed the effect of his memory loss very well. The poem has a kind of hectic feel, not in a chaotic way, but more of a “kid in the candy shop” way – which I think is an excellent portrayal of Lockhart’s regression to a more childlike state of mind.

One thing I would look at is how you’ve chosen to punctuate the poem. There are times, such as in the first two lines, where I feel a change in punctuation could more accurately portray the feelings you’re expressing. Looking at the first lines, I would change:

I lost my name; can you tell,
Come on, can you, well…

To something more like:

I’ve lost my name – can you tell?
Come on – can you? Can you? Well?

Because Lockhart is questioning his guest, as opposed to just speaking. I altered “I” to “I’ve” because it makes the name loss sound more personal to me, like it’s not something that happened a long time in the past that is no longer affecting him. I would change the semicolon in the first line to a dash because the “can you tell?” question seems to be an interruption of the first statement. I changed the comma to a dash in the second line for a similar reason. The second “Can you?” in the second line was being inserted automatically in mind while reading through, so it’s not all together necessary. However, it seems to add a sense of urgency to Lockhart’s questioning – like the answer is vital to him.

The urgency of the first two lines seems to be contradicted by lines three and four. Lockhart expresses surprise that his visitor knows his name, which I can understand, but the fourth line (“What a loss.”) is confusing to me. Why is it a loss for the guest to have found Lockhart’s name?

Something else that I’ve noticed is that these lines don’t fall into the general two line rhyming pattern (tell, well; someone, are done, etc.). There are other places in the poem where you drop the rhyme scheme as well – such as in lines 7, 8, and 9. If you combined lines 7 and 8 to read: Now I’m simply…well…I don’t really know…, that section would fit with the rhyming scheme.

Really though, the rhyming and rhythm seems to fall apart at this point in the poem. I can’t decide if I like the inconsistency or not. In some places, I do, but in others it makes the poem seem incomplete. One line that seems very out of place is line 11, How strange and queer. It’s not really connected to anything, and it just sits there, alone and out of place. I’d consider either scrapping this line all together, in favor of keeping lines 12 and 13, or adding a rhyming line after line 11, and scrapping lines 12 and 13. The only reason I suggest this is that what is stated in lines 12 and 13 was already stated very clearly in lines 5 and 6.

An example of a line you could add after line 11 is:

How strange and queer
Though you tell me I once held it dear –

Line 13, if you keep it, is a bit out of place due to its length. If you could edit it down some, so that it would fit with the general length of the other lines, I think it would read better.

I really like lines 14-19. They really display Lockhart’s confusion and utter lack of self recognition. Lines 17 and 18 seem a bit unnecessary though. What is it that Lockhart can’t win at? Remembering? But if he doesn’t remember, each realization would be new. The same goes for line 18 – forgetting would imply that he remembers by himself sometimes, which you seem to be implying he doesn’t. I think these lines could best be edited to read:

Is it yours?
No? You say it’s mine?
Well…perhaps it is, then…
Who are you again?

Lines 21 and 22 are lovely. They show how quickly Lockhart forgets his own self. The punctuation doesn’t seem to reflect this though. Maybe try substituting a question mark after “Oh”, and then again after “goodbye”. And then perhaps add an ellipsis after “so you can tell him”.

In line 23, I think Lockhart’s disbelief could be expressed very clearly by italicizing “me” and finishing the line with a question mark. Then the line after could have an exclamation, to show his utter shock and rejection.

The final two lines seem to reflect the beginning rather well. I think it might be best to omit the second “my”, but that’s purely personal opinion. I’d think about ending this line with an ellipsis as well, and adding an ellipsis after “Hmm” on the final line. Maybe add a question mark after “now what was I saying?”, because, well, it reads as a question. And then end the line with an ellipsis after “hazy”, because Lockhart seems to just be fading off.


Another thing I think might be beneficial is to split the poem into stanzas instead of just a chunk of text. This is a great device to add pauses and show Lockhart’s change in mood.

I hope this was helpful,

~Bella

Aww it's gorgeous, thank you!

Author's Response:

You are very welcome. Happy late birthday again!

~Jess