Hello!

First off, I just want to say (a late) congratulations on this story's victory in the challenges. I know the challenges were awhile ago, but hey, you probably still like it when someone says congrats. Right?

Anyway, I just want to say that I thought this was a great story, and I liked it very much. It definitely deserved its reward in placing. You did a very good job in pulling off the idea of conflict that was the prompting for this challenge, and the ending result showed such.

I also like your OCs in this story. Usually, I'm not a big fan of purely OC stories, but this one definitely caught my attention, and I wasn't disappointed. Personally, I liked Labella -- cool name, by the way -- better than Maria, and I think one of the reasons behind that is that she's the sort of person that almost everyone knows at at least some point in their lives. She has her faults, and I really love the phrases that you employed to tell the reader that -- "But she was as impressionable as melted wax." Such a phrase leaves a vivid picture in a reader's mind, and it's a good and different way to say her particular flaw in this case.

Your portrayal of the actual conflict in this story -- that of Maria's internal struggle to side with what she knows is right, and what she believes is right -- is also very well done. She (believably) feels very strong loyalties towards her friend, as well as a protective nature, in a way; what makes that even nicer is that Maria states that she knows Labella feels the same. These two are clearly portrayed in a realistic way as best friends, even like sisters, really, and I give you some congratulations on achieving that sort of realistic connection.

A couple criticisms, however, is that the ending seemed just a bit difficult to get around at first read, but it's not impossible. There's a shock that comes with reading it for the first time, because one can't see how she can make such a decision, especially after the many times she stated her utmost hatred for Voldemort and the Death Eaters. It seems a bit like a contradiction in her character to a slight degree, but after reading it a second time, it's clearer that the stronger part of her character -- or the more dominant trait, I guess -- is her loyalty and need to protect her friend. She'd do anything for Labella, and in this story at least, it means going towards something that isn't technically right.

(Please forgive the bit of rambling that that paragraph might feel like it contains. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that, as readers, you make us want to side with Labella, even though we know that a decision to join the Death Eaters isn't the right one. It's sort of like a situation where there isn't really a clear-cut this-is-the-right-choice; it's all a big grey area.)

Lastly, I felt that it was slightly confusing in the time -- how it went from the present in the beginning paragraph, then to a flashback (a very recent flashback, but a flashback nonetheless), and then back to the present time. Personally, I would have liked the separation to be more clear on when the changes occurred, and this could have been done with italics, divisions, or something similar.

Other than that, the story was like I said: wonderful, brilliant (though slightly short), and truly deserving of its first-place finish.

~Megan

Author's Response:

Author's Response: wow, what a fantastic review! It\'s always great to get reviews on my older stuff. I will definetely take your crticisms into consideration- a truly SPEW worthy review!

Hey, Jenna.

First off, I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed this story. You're stories have always been some of my favourites, and your writing style just seems very powerful, to me. It's clear that you have a lot of talent, not only with this story, but also with others -- Sins of the Father being my favourite of all, perhaps.

Anyway, as for a review mainly concerning Grant Me Mercy. Where to start? I particularly liked the way that the focus was really on Rowena; she told the story and it was her thoughts and such that we were reading about. The beginning paragraphs, I think, were some of the strongest parts of non-dialog in this brief one-shot. You describe and show Rowena's emotions and feelings without ever coming right out and just telling it. That's a great thing for writers to do, in my opinion -- it shows a trust and faith in the reader's intelligence that they can figure out a character's emotions without needing the writer to say "She was worried" or something. As such, I applaud you on that.

Secondly, I love the dialog for the most part. It's powerful, really, and I think it fits the characters quite well, in my opinion. Just by the words you have Rowena and Salazar speak, their characters are revealed fantastically and fit with some of the information on the Founders that is in canon. (Rowena's logic and orderly intelligence are shown in her words, as are Salazar's strengths and pride, for want of a better word.)

Oh, there's so much for me to say about this story. I don't really have the time to make this review as long as I'd like it to be -- I could pretty write on this bit for awhile. But, I will close with my (two) favourite bits of dialog throughout the entire story:

Bit One:

“It is a plea for all.”

“Then it is a sad day for all; for it is not a plea I can acquiesce.”

And Bit Two:

“Farewell, Rowena. I am sorry you could not save me.”

I don't think I would necessarily have to explain why these hit me as strongly as they do, but I will leave a quick comment about them. The first bit really hits on both Salazar and Rowena's character with only a few words. You get that "justice for all" vibe from Rowena's statement, and you experience the . . . oh, what's the word? . . . Gah, I don't have it . . . strength of Salazar's resolve, I guess.

The second bit is just plainly fabulous. It's short and sweet, and it's just perfect. There's a lot deeper depth that could be seen of Salazar in those words, in my opinion, and it's just . . . well, it's just quite profound, I guess is a word that'll have to work.

Once again, though, Jenna, allow me to say that I loved this story. It was very well-written, and, while I believe I still prefer Sins of the Father, this is an entertaining and powerful one-shot nonetheless.

Great job!

~Megan

Hello, Brandi.

First off, I just want to say really quickly that I loved this story; I thought it was very good in portraying this sort of pairing. (And I'm actually a bit surprised by how much I like it, mainly considering that I'm not usually a huge fan of slash or having Lucius in any other relationship other than Narcissa.) But anyway ...

And now, I'll go a bit deeper in my review.

I think the way that you portrayed Narcissa, Lucius, and Severus was excellent. They seemed to remain in-character, for the most part, regardless of the situation / unconventional relations that they were in.

The ending, I think, was great, too. It provided the one-shot a complete tie back into canon -- almost as if the entire thing could actually have taken place in the books. Also, you seem to provide Severus with a bit more events to make him into the bitterer person that he is in the series, like his losing Lucius and the ending of their relationship increased his bitter temperament, turning him more into the Potions Master that we know in the present time.

The only thing that didn't quite seem right, for me, was that the dialogue seemed a bit unnatural or forced in several parts. Some of that had to do with the "dears" that seemed to run a bit too rampant in the Severus/Lucius moments, but I don't believe it was anything too drastic or such.

On the whole, the story was really good, like I said earlier, and I enjoyed it quite a lot.

~Megan

Author's Response: Thank you for such a thorough review! I\'m really, really glad that you liked it - this story is like my baby. :D It\'s my absolute favorite writing project I\'ve finished to date. (And the funny thing is, I don\'t do slash that much, either!) You know, the dialogue DOES sound a little funny in parts, but I\'d attribute that (not to make excuses :P) to my obsessive reading of Oscar Wilde and all his \"dandy\" characters, and to the fact that I thought I\'d have to \"change\" or show a different side of Lucius and Severus both to get this story to work. Because honestly, I don\'t think of it as canon in the least, but sometimes, reading through this story, I start to convince myself otherwise. :P Hahaha, but seriously, I\'m THRILLED that you liked it! And thanks for reviewing so nicely! <3

Oh, Stacey, that was utter wonderfulness! There's absolutely no question in my mind how this one-shot was able to snag the first place win!

Your idea on what the deathly hallows were was very unique, and extremely believable as well. The first-person point of view also works very well in this story, especially since the focus is on the mind and whatnot.

I'd have to say that one of my favourite parts through the whole thing (other than the ending, but I'll get to that later) was the comments about the grammatical definitions, etc. of "deathly" and "hallows." It gave a bit of comic relief to such a dark piece, and really worked extremely well.

And lastly, the ending. Stacey, it was the BEST part of the story, in my opinion. Truly chilling and visual and . . . Oh, there just aren't words to describe the skill and feeling in those ending paragraphs, especially that final line, those last three words. It is just utter brilliance!

I applaud you once again on an excellent and well-written story, and again, congratulations on the first place win. You definitely deserved it!

~Megan

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I have to say that I\'m pretty proud of \"Fallen\" ::pets it:: And, yeah, I thought throwing in the defintions would be both educational and funny ;)

Hello.

Firstly, permit to say that I found this story utterly fabulous; really emotional and powerful. Normally, I'm more of a fan of Rowena/Salazar than putting Salazar with Helga (I just feel that Rowena goes better with Salazar than Helga), but your story made their relationship very believable, and has made me even like the pairing now. I congratulate you on that!

Now, onto some more comments. I particularly liked your portrayal of both Salazar and Helga. So little is known about the Founders that one can basically make almost anything work, but I've seen too much where the Founders, or at least Salazar, is portrayed in a very one-dimensional manner. Your story, however, did not have that in the slightest, and I was very pleased to see that.

You still manage to have the parts of Salazar that we do know about -- his desire for purebloods / hatred of Muggleborns, his distant/colder nature, etc. while at the same time, presenting him in a manner that makes a relationship with Helga (whose characterisation you also did wonderfully, with her fairness and innocence and such) believable and utterly realistic. I applaud you once again.

Another thing that I particularly enjoyed in this story was your description. I loved the symbolism and imagery created with the whole storm being like the romantic relationship between Helga and Salazar. Perfect use of some intensive imagery right there, and it also makes your title have a whole deeper meaning as well.

The ending was also fabulous, once again bringing in the storm and some wonderful description with Helga and Salazar's final farewell. Really, I loved just about everything about this story.

And now, for a bit of critique:

I noticed a few typos while reading, though none of it was vastly horrible or anything ;)

few calming breathes

In this statement, I believe it should "breaths," without the "e".

"If I recall if was, in fact, Godric who cast the first spell.

This statement didn't have a typo, but it just seems a bit awkward in its wording, in my opinion. Something that might work a bit better would be "If I recall, it was Godric who cast the first spell." The phrase "in fact" isn't really needed, and at the very least, it's awkward in its current place in the sentence. You could even add the word "correctly" to come after "recall," but that may seem a little too modern; I'm not 100% sure. Personally, I'd just go with leaving out the "in fact" and the sentence would sound a lot better, in my opinion -- not that's it horrible like it is, mind you.

I'm also a bit curious on why there was no mention or hinting at the Chamber as Salazar left. (Of course, it could just be a slight oversight, as I did the same in a story of mine.) With or without that, though, it was still very good.

Lastly, my favourite scene in the entire story would probably have to be the very beginning, with Salazar and Helga's dialogue going on. It is utterly realistic and believable, and it was a great way to begin the story, providing a wonderful feeling that carries throughout the fic.

On the whole, though, this was a very well-written and wonderful one-shot. To just briefly repeat a bit, the characterisation was fabulous, and I believe it was probably your strongest part throughout the story.

Okay, I think I've rambled enough.

~Megan

Author's Response: Thanks for this lovely review, Megan =) You seem to be in the vast majority that prefer Rowena with Salazar, though I have found, if written properly, you can pair any of the founders together and create a lovely, believable story. As for there being no mention of the Chamber, it really didn\'t play into the main plot of this story, which was the turbulent nature of Helga and Salazar\'s love. His leaving the school was more of a catalyst, a side note to the focus of the plot, so mentioning the chamber of secrets just didn\'t flash on my radar. Thanks for reading! I\'m glad you enjoyed it! ~Ashley

I really like this story, regardless of the fact that I don't usually read Andromeda-based stories. Your characterisation of her is wonderful, too, as well as Sirius.

My only criticism would be that some of the dialogue seemed slightly forced or a little unnatural, in my opinion, but it was nothing too grand. (It didn't take away from the story, basically.) In the fourth part, with Sirius's lines of "I am leaving" and when he's speaking to Andromeda just seem a little too formal, I guess. It seemed to read easier if there were some contractions used, but maybe that's just me.

Other than that, the story was very nice, and I especially like that final bit. Those final two lines are just absolutely splendid.

~Megan

Author's Response: Thank you for the crits and compliments! Choppy dialogues hmmmm? I guess I\'ll get to work on that when I do my spring cleaning this year. :)

Well, I'll start by saying that you have a very nice beginning here, and the portrayal of all of these characters are quite well done in this prologue.

I think my favourite one was with Remus; it just seemed so nice, but all of the characters were in character, of course. Remus just seemed to be a bit more like how I've pictured him at 11.

You got James's attitude right, I also think, though the stretching out of his response after reading the letter annoyed me a bit; I'm not that fond of dialogue that gets stretched out like that, though I can understand his enthusiasm.

And the scene with Lily and Snape was also done well, perfect when taking 'Deathly Hallows' into consideration.

~Megan

Well, Sammy, I have to say that you've done an excellent job with this piece. I was browsing through the forums and saw it had been recommended in the QSQs multiple times for this category, so I just had to see what the fascination was.

And wow, Sammy, just wow. While I've never been a grand fan of Snape/Lily, especially as anything greater than normal friends, you've made this little piece both very nice, and very believable.

I like the way you've told it in here, like a bedtime story. A unique format, and it really works for this story (plus, it's interesting to see a different side to Snape than what I usually see). Generally, a lot of the times that I see a 'kind' Snape, for lack of a better word, he doesn't seem realistic to me; it doesn't seem plausible or believable that the Snape we know in the normal canon could have EVER been the way certain stories try to make him out to be, regardless of how things did or didn't change.

You, however, have found the right formula for giving a realistic kind Snape. A different side to him, and it's believable, so I congratulate you on that.

All in all, while I'm still not a fan of Snape/Lily, I did really appreciate the characterisation and writing in this story. It's a true gem of the AU category, I think.

~Megan

Author's Response: Thanks so very much, Megan love. Yes, I often see Severus portrayed as the "malligned angel" and I myself don't agree with that. He was not nice in the typical way but he cared about those he loved and would do "anything" for then, "always". And in this fic, I have given him two to care about. Thanks so much for your praise Megan, this review made me blush. And I am keeping my fingers crossed for the QSQs. :o=Sammy