That was a really nice connection you made to the scene with Lily and Petunia in DH! Poor Harry, your story really makes the reader feel bad for his terrible childhood. Nice job! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thanks very much for reviewing :) I'm glad you liked it. Sarah x

I love the last line, it's perfect! What a sweet story, very well done. I love stories about James and Lily getting together and yours was very fun to read. Good luck in the triathlon! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thank you, Gina. I like a bit of fluff occasionally. ~Carole~

Well, damn! You worked the snot out of that rarepair, wow! I had read your Ginny/Gabby drabble, so I had some idea of what to expect. This was different – their affair starting right after Ginny gets married instead of years later. I liked that. It almost makes it more believable, because I don’t know if Harry would overwork and drift away if there were kids in the picture. Setting it right after the wedding lent it urgency.

In a way, it’s hard to believe Harry would treat Ginny that way, but you mentioned him training to be Head Auror and since we know that happens, that lends it credibility. Plus you totally worked the “clueless” aspect of his character, making it even more real. Even though he brought this upon himself, for most of the story I still felt bad for him.

I felt even more bad for Ginny, especially by the end. What an ending. You really tortured her with those last few paragraphs. So what happens? Does she keep seeing Gabrielle? You know you’ve written a good story when readers want to know more.

Gabrielle was a great confidant for Ginny. In your mind, did Gabrielle have feelings for Ginny from the beginning? The small details – the light touches and such – make me think she did. I loved the showdown with Harry. I was a bit confused when Gabrielle took Ginny to her house since I assumed she left before Harry and Ginny had it out, but that’s just me.

The dream sequence was absolutely terrifying! Poor Ginny. That showed real insight into her fears, without just telling us – here, this is what Ginny is scared of. Very nice writing there. You did great with her character, developing her feelings slowly but surely (which is important, since this was for a character challenge! a86; )

I must say, when I first started it – all 8300 words of it (how DO you do that?!) – I was thinking “Wow, this is rather fluffy for Jess!” But by the end the angst was in full swing and that’s what I wanted and expected from this story. You developed it nicely, choosing your scenes well fleshing everything out, so by the end the reader believes it and feels it.

Really lovely job. I think it’s awesome that you wrote a first kiss story for the challenge that doesn’t turn out so well for the couple! Good luck in the challenge!
~Gina a86;

Author's Response:

Aww, thank you so much. I'm mucho happy at the moment. :)

I really wanted this to have the feel of something that could really happen. As you know, I hate making Harry seem like the bad guy, but I just have this image of him being a pretty inattentive husband. Not on purpose, but sheerly because of his dedication to his work.

"It almost makes it more believable, because I don’t know if Harry would overwork and drift away if there were kids in the picture."

Incidentally enough, in the timeline I picked, it was actually possible for James to have been conceived during that time off that Harry had taken. I needed to re-establish their relationship, even if Ginny didn't really want to, because I am, as you know, a canon slave.

I really did want you to feel bad for Harry, because while it is his fault that this happened, it's not really his fault, if that makes any sense. He is, as you mentioned, clueless about women, even the one he's married to, so he's already starting off with a couple strikes against him.

For once, I really wanted everything to work out for Ginny, but that would have meant that she was still with Gabby, which just couldn't really happen. I'm still spinning bits of it in my head about where I want this to go in the future. I might even write about Gabby in the minor character prompts. I'm sure I could insert a plot bunny into it.

Gabby. I really wanted Gabby to be happy. She used to be this two-dimensional, sister-of-Fleur, derivation of background noise, but now she's so real to me, I hate thinking of her having her heart broken at 18. I really think she's more, um, experienced in worldly things, but there's a vast difference between that and love. And yes, she had feelings for Ginny long before Ginny reciprocated.

In the dream sequence, I really wanted Ginny to feel fear. At this point, she stilll loved Harry a great deal, so for him to say such acid and hurtful things to her was wounding and terrible. Of course, even though real Harry would never in a thousand lifetimes said anything of the sort, I wanted that instinct to flee embedded into Ginny's brain, because well... I needed it, lol

8300 words, to me, is like... normal. I'm actually pleased with the length, because for a while, I wasn't sure that I could fit it into a one-shot. I had planned more time together for Ginny and Gabby, but I knew that it would put me way over the mark. Instead, I focused on the decay of her marriage and how that affected her. And moi, write fluff? Only for Amanda, because she hearts fluff so much.

This has to be angst, because I wanted Ginny to, in the end, do the right thing (well, I guess it's the right thing), but agonize about it. As this was a characterization, I really needed her nature, the one that is all about loyalty, to come out. I think she would stick with Harry through just about anything (by 'just about', I do draw a line), but that doesn't mean that it's a smooth ride.

As for the first kiss aspect, how often does that really work out? Not too many first kiss/first love stories ever amount to anything, and this one is no different, though had she not been married, I think Ginny would have pursued it. Had this happened before her wedding, I really think that she would have broken things off, because it wouldn't have been fair to Harry at all.

Regarding the sequence of Harry and Ginny arguing after Harry and Gabby had it out, in my mind, it happened like this (and since it's from Ginny's perspective, I couldn't add Gabby's thoughts in there): Harry storms out of the kitchen to confront Ginny, but Gabby, horrified that it had spiraled this far out of control, just sort of stood in the kitchen and collected herself. When she heard Ginny shouting, she went back into the living room to see Harry leaving and Ginny miserable. She sort of stared for a while, not sure about what she should do. Finally, when she saw how distressed Ginny was, she started steering her toward the bedroom, Ginny freaked out and didn't want to sleep there, and then the rest, you know. It's hard to write for purely one person's perspective, as some aspects of the story remain a mystery, but as it is characterization, Ginny's thoughts and feelingswere paramount.

Anyway, enough of my rambling. Thank you for the lovely review, and my review for "Lost" will be coming VERY soon. Cheers and happiness, my friend!

Jess

That was wonderful, just like the other two! I just love reading these stories about Harry and Ginny and their kids. Everything about them rings so true to life and so beautiful! I don't know what constructive criticism I could offer even if I wanted to. You build each moment of these stories with such detail and heartfelt emotion. You portray Harry as a father wonderfully well - I love that these are in his point of view. I would really like to read something about Lily, if you had any plans to continue. It would be lovely to see Harry's reaction to having a daughter. Thank you so much for sharing these, they are wonderful! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Gina Thank you so much. Others have suggested that I write a Lily story, too. Perhaps I will, but I’ll need inspiration to strike first. I suspect that, though he’ll try very hard to be fair to his kids, Lily will be Harry’s favourite and he’ll finally discover why Ron is so protective of his little princess. I’m beginning to see the glimmerings of a story… -N-

Wait - what do your end notes mean?? There's another story there, I know it! The Slytherins get her, don't they?? Nooo! You should write it - I like Anna. She's a spunky little 'Puff to fall for a guy like Snape. You set it up nicely, too. What I liked best was that her friends were so loyal to her they didn't mind her dating Snape - and even better, Snape liked that too. Very nice little tale, here! ~Gina :)

Author's Response: Actually, Gina, at the moment I'm not sure where it goes from there and I have several possible ideas. A happy Snape might be something of a boring Snape, but then again, maybe just very very different? Not sure anyone can really accept that. But I may just let you all speculate... I like Anna, too. She's the kind of spunky gal a clueless guy needs! And she is already sort of forcing him to see that different is not necessarily less - she is no dab hand a potions, but she is artistic and good at a number of other things... Thank you again for this review!!!

That was a really fascinating take on Luna's marriage! You could spin a much bigger story from this, because I am already wondering how Luna and Rolf met, and why she disappeared, and more importantly, what happens next: does Harry go after Rolf? Do they reconcile with Luna? Why was Harry so angry?
I also loved seeing some music in the Potterverse! The way Luna played the piano fit perfectly with her character. Nice job!
~Gina :)

Yikes. That’s dark. I saw in some of the reviews you responded to that you wanted readers to like her a bit. Well, I didn’t - sorry! She was a cold-hearted *itch, through and through! When Marcus cornered her with some bite, I was cheering for *him*. When she used the Cruciatus Curse, I was a bit shocked. And when she killed him I was just thinking “!%$#^%.” I had been hoping she might just Obliviate him. It might have given me the smallest shiver of respect for her, if she let him live without the memory of the diary. I couldn’t believe she just went back to her book! So if you wanted me to feel a bit of sympathy for her, I didn’t; if you wanted me to really dislike her, I did. Frankly, I want a sequel where she gets her due. I want husband No. 8 to blackmail her and maybe even torture her a bit. That’s how riled up she got me. ;) Your writing is good at doing that – evoking a powerful reaction. I still think about that Albus/Scorpius piece you did.

I didn’t find the diary a plot device at all, I thought it was a great idea. There is probably a term for it, the way it functions in the plot and how it propels the story to it's tragic conclusion, but I can’t think of it (and it’s probably really simple, too.) It worked perfectly and made total sense to me. I did feel, though, that the actual entry didn’t always read like a diary entry, but more like a story. I think perhaps writing it more as a present tense confessional rather than a retelling of the past might make more of an emotional connection.

For a character challenge, you’ve drawn a heck of a character here. I love that you can always come up with an unexpected twist in the Potterverse. Good luck with the competition! ~Gina :)

Author's Response:

Haha, welcome once again to my author page. :D

I'm not sure if 'like' is the appropriate term (totally my bad, lol). I think I wanted to show that she really wasn't completely diabolical, but she is just enough to be the cold-hearted succubus that she is. Everyone just seems Voldemort as the catch-all 'worst guy in the world', but no one remembers those who do so in the shadows.

The honest truth about the diary entry is this; this piece started off as a drabble that was supposed to be only the diary entry, but it was too long. I was too lazy to cut it, so I kept going and made it fit the CC prompt. I tried to make the entry sound like she does when she talks and thinks, but that's not always easy to do. I guess I didn't want it to be too emotional, since she is rather cold and viperous, but some moments, like when she talks about Blaise, that feeling seeps into her writing, her mindset, and her words. 

In my mind, she wasn't going to kill Marcus until he made the remark about Blaise. That sent her over the edge, since he's the only person in the world about whom she truly cares.

Yeah, that was an overlong explanation for a simple question, lol. I do that...the rambling. Well, anyhow, tip o' the hat for reviewing and have a nice night. :)

Jess

I'm tempted to leave you either a really fluffy, gushy review just to bug you some more, or a pointed, gruff review just to make you feel better. ;) But I won't do either, although maybe I can come up with some fluffy questions for your dueling thread, lol. I will just say that I agree with Carole. This is not that fluffy. Yes, the letter is - it's very touching to think Harry may have written something like that to Ginny while he was away. But that's a short part of the story. It seems more about Draco delivering it, and that part is very much in character - a bit arrogant, superior, resentful. I think, however, that you set it up very well, and I totally believe Draco would have either sent the letter or delivered it. His parting line was perfect, because let's face it - Harry definitely helped him out, and he owed Harry big time. I wonder how Harry felt about it being delivered. Maybe you can write a sequel for Amanda's birthday next year! ;)
~Gina :)

Author's Response:

I might just do that, write a sequel. It would save me the trouble of setting up a new story plot. That probably makes me lazy, but whatever, lol.

I wanted the letter to be honest, but very heartfelt and reminiscent of his feelings for Ginny at that moment, but I also wanted it to be believable. I think I did that fairly well, which is good, I suppose. I put Draco in it, because I needed something to make me want to finish it after scalding my brain with H/G fluff. :D

I feel like I just know Draco, so writing him into it was pretty easy. It was resolving my mind to write nice H/G that was hard. lol

Thanks for the review, and I might not hate this story so very much now, considering the glowing reviews it got. I do so love reviews. Until we meet again!

Jess

Great idea! I think you managed to find something that could be interpreted in several different ways. You worked Snape into the club very well, and I really liked how Lily jumped on James at the end, even though he was the one to rescue Mary! My only question is: James asked Mary not to mention the Cloak, but didn't the Slytherins see it too? I wonder how it would have played out if James had stayed hidden during the rescue - but then, that might not have been very in character for him.
Oh, and great research on all those names!! A nice missing moment. ~Gina :)

Author's Response: I'm thinking that as it was dark and that the Slyths were otherwise occupied with Stinging Jinxs to their groins, and that they were furthur away than Mary was to James, that they didn't see it was a Cloak. Good spot thiugh - ha ha. Thanks for the review, Gina. ~Carole~

For some reason, I just jumped in here, and it was a good jump. :D I loved the bit with Lily holding her wand backwards, lol! Their interaction was great. Even better was the scene with Dumbledore - fantastic calling them out, yet with such Dumbledore style. And James's answer at the end was perfect. This is very well-done! ~Gina :)